Once I Went Down to a Department Store I Was With a Rather Old Man Who Didn't Understand How Commercial Businesses Work the Old Man Reeked of Stale Old Woman Vagina However I Kept This to Myself Afraid the Old Man Might Fucking Shit His Britches Off He Then Shouted Unreasonably Loud I Never Thought a 96 Year Old Woman Could Get So Wet Nigga! He's Not Even Black a Nearby Customer Who Is Black Gets Mad Fucking Angry and Slams the Fuck Out of the Perfume Counter PERFUME GOES EVERYWHERE! The Old Man Gets a Overwhelming Whiff of the Perfume and Begins Having a Violent Seizure Shit Flying Out of His Ass Everywhere Jack Black Pranced on by Doing Some Weird Ass Face and Slipped on the Pile of Liquid Shit Screaming Fuck Can a Man Skip in Peace? A Random Child Is Caught Stealing Candy Through All the Commotion to Which the Angry Ass Asian Store Owner Gets Fucking Heated and Slams a Glass on Jack Blacks Head Jack Black Faces the Store Owner and Whips Out a 12 Gauge Shotgun From His Ass Then Proceeds to Shotgun Blast the Store Owner in the Face With Fury Coming Out of a Tent Located in the Dog Food Aisle Bernie Sanders Said With Pride in This Country a Man Should Be Able to Skip Around a Store Without Slipping on a Steaming Pile of Liquid Shit That Killing Was Justified the Repercussions Were Removed and Mostly Everyone Went About Their Day However the Memories Still Lingered in Jack Black's Mind in Fact They Haunted Him as He Tossed and Turned Every Night With Rage as Much as He Tried He Just Couldn't Get the Crusty Shit Globs Out of His Beard Bernie Showed Up at His House Later That Night and Slammed Against His Door With a Can of Pedigree Loud as Fuck Open the Door You Fat Fuck I Have Christmas Dinner! Jack Black Didn't Answer the Door as He Was Afraid of Bernie's Sensible Political Opinions and Bernie Crawled Up a Nearby Tree to Sleep the Next Morning Neighborhood Children Thought He Was a Pinata and Started to Yell Give Us Some Candy You Old Bitch! Bernie Replied Here I'll Give You Some Candy You Little Shit Bernie Proceeded to Throw Up Dog Food on Them From Last Night One of the Special Kids Proceeded to Scoop Up the Dog Food and Eat It Like Ripe Sweaty Ass on a Hot Summer Day His Friend Tyrone Zimbabwe Peeked His Head Out of the Tree and Yelled With Splendor “Holy Shit Nigga Thas Fuckin Nasty! A Bunch of Bloods Showed Up in a Bentley Truck and Started Doing a Drive-By on Jack Black's House Jack Black Finally Heard All the Commotion and Raced Outside of His House He Then Grasped the Retarded Kid and Chucked Him at the Bloods Screaming “Natural Selection Niggas! The Kid Hit the Truck Like a Retarded Sack of Potatoes to No Effect All While Projectile Vomiting Dog Food in a Backflip All Over the Neighborhood Kids It Was Then Revealed in Epic Fashion That Filthy Frank Was the Driver of the Bentley to Everyone's Surprise Pink Guy Was in the Passenger Seat This Confused Everyone Because Most Thought They Were Both the Same Person Grandayy Pink Guy Stuck His Flaming Ass Out of the Passenger Seat Window With a Wild Grin and Completely Ripped Ass Releasing Toxic Fumes Like a Nazi Gas Chamber Jack Black Fucking Died From Inhaling the Obnoxiously Stanky Bullshit Ass Fumes Bernie Sanders Waited Until It Was All Over and Jumped Out of the Tree Dog Food Falling All Over He Landed With a Sick Ass Parkour Roll and the Bloods in the Back Seat Said Damn This Old Nigga Got Clout the Bloods All Lowered Their Weapons With Ease Why Didn't You Say It Was You Bernie? We Ain't Bouta' Harm the One Nigga That's Gonna Make Weed Legal Then Something Miraculous Happened a Crater Opened in the Ground and a Big Round Boulder Blocking the Sacred Entrance to Christ's Cave Slowly Moved Itself Aside Allowing a Holy Light to Seep Into the Atmosphere Then Jack Black Arose From the Crater Dressed in a White Robe With a Thorned Wreath on His Head I Am Now Black Jesus! I Am Here to Atone for Your Sins! The Bloods All Pause Filthy Frank Mutters “Nigga Do You Have Any Idea How Dumb That Name Sounds? Black Jesus Obviously Has None of That and Takes One of His Vintage Guitars From School of RockTM Lights It on Fire and Hurls It at 50 Miles Per Hour Directly Into the Driver Side Window of the Truck This Impact Hits Filthy Frank and Pink Guy Directly Cutting Off Filthy Frank's Head the Bloods in the Back Say Aw Fuck No Nigga and Throw a Grenade Out of the Window Without Pulling the Pin Amateurs Black Jesus Mutters While Pulling a Glock Out of His Back Pocket and Shooting Them Both Suddenly Pink Guy Puts His Head Up He Managed to Duck Under the Guitar That Black Jesus Had Thrown! He Yells “O0OYYYUUAAA and Climbs Out of the Car Window Black Jesus Picks Up the Old Unpulled Grenade and Throws It Into the Car Pink Guy Screams as He Runs From the Car and *BOOM!* Pink Guy Then Pulls Out a Walkie Talkie and Mutters Sexually Into It Got a Big Dick Nigga Over Here Need Backup! Immediately After Two Sedans Roll Up and Pink Guy Hurls Himself Onto One as the Other Pulls in Front of Him and Starts Shooting Pink Guy Rolls Away Satan Was the Shooter Naked in the Front Seat Fucking George Bush in the Ass as His Head Stuck Outſof the Pink Car's Floor Hillary Clinton Was Sitting in the Back Seat Getting Fucked Mega Hard With a Spinning Rusty Minigun Held by a Nigerian Warlord the Windows Were Bulletproof and the Warlord Sat in Front of the Window Smiling His Ass Off He Held Eye Contact With Black Jesus the Entire Time While Donald Trump Sat Next to Them in the Backseat Playing Fornite on His Iphone XVII Black Jesus Fired Multiple Shots at the Warlord's Window but This Didn't Make the Warlord Flinch or Stop Smiling Once He Was Done With Hillary the Warlord Pulled It Out of Hillary's Stank Pussy Stepped Outside Spun It Up and Took Aim as His Whole Inbred Family Climbed Out of the Trunk and Watched SUCK MY DICK! Yelled the Warlord as Hillary's Juices Flew Off the Minigun Onto His Wifes Face as He Started to Shoot Down Black Jesus's House and Caused Bernie Sanders to Shit His Pants So Hard All the Neighborhood Dogs Came Running to Eat All the Dog Food That Came From Bernie's Ass Ridiculous Pink Guy Fan Fiction Me and a Couple Friends Wrote Last Year