🔥 | Latest

Ass, Fire, and Food: Anonymous 12/23/13 (Mon)10:04:04 UTC-5 No.522930202 Tell me about it >went to the store on Thursday >bought a half gallon jar of pickles >love me some pickles >eat one as soon as I get home >tastesgoodman.b >so good I decide I'll have a few more >walk back to my computer and start to work but the urge is not sated not by a long shot >come back to life-givi >eat several pickles each time >after an hour the jar is empty >400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good >thirty minutes later I hear a churning in my stomach >not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain Sinitiate sprint to bathroom mode >barely get my ass on the toilet as a fucking waterfall emerges from my asshole >never in my life have relief and horror been such close bedfellows >after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops >toilet water is green and smells like vinegar >body didn't even try to digest that shit >clean up and go back to computer >thinking "thank god that's over" >Not. Even. Close >five minutes later the rumbling is back >even louder this time >sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat >this happens five more fucking times >it's finally all gone >stomach is concave; I have never had less food inside my body >completely cleaned out >cue rumble >sit on toilet but it's different this time >l KNOW there's nothing in there >shit out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better >"well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba-" all at once the burning fire of a thousand young suns sets upon my anal sphincter >I had just shat out pure stomach acid >frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien >craw in shower, turn cold water on full blast, and lie prone while gently sobbing >eventually towel off and crawl exhausted into bed at 3:00 in the afternoon >sleep for fourteen hours In retrospect, it was all totally worth it I love me some pickles ng pickle jar several more time
Ass, Fire, and Food: Anonymous 12/23/13 (Mon)10:04:04 UTC-5 No.522930202
 Tell me about it
 >went to the store on Thursday
 >bought a half gallon jar of pickles
 >love me some pickles
 >eat one as soon as I get home
 >tastesgoodman.b
 >so good I decide I'll have a few more
 >walk back to my computer and start to work but the urge is not sated
 not by a long shot
 >come back to life-givi
 >eat several pickles each time
 >after an hour the jar is empty
 >400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good
 >thirty minutes later I hear a churning in my stomach
 >not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain
 Sinitiate sprint to bathroom mode
 >barely get my ass on the toilet as a fucking waterfall emerges from my asshole
 >never in my life have relief and horror been such close bedfellows
 >after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops
 >toilet water is green and smells like vinegar
 >body didn't even try to digest that shit
 >clean up and go back to computer
 >thinking "thank god that's over"
 >Not. Even. Close
 >five minutes later the rumbling is back
 >even louder this time
 >sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat
 >this happens five more fucking times
 >it's finally all gone
 >stomach is concave; I have never had less food inside my body
 >completely cleaned out
 >cue rumble
 >sit on toilet but it's different this time
 >l KNOW there's nothing in there
 >shit out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better
 >"well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba-"
 all at once the burning fire of a thousand young suns sets upon my anal sphincter
 >I had just shat out pure stomach acid
 >frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien
 >craw in shower, turn cold water on full blast, and lie prone while gently sobbing
 >eventually towel off and crawl exhausted into bed at 3:00 in the afternoon
 >sleep for fourteen hours
 In retrospect, it was all totally worth it
 I love me some pickles
 ng pickle jar several more time
Crazy, Crips, and Dancing: Anonymous 07/17/15(Fri)22:43:24 No.628628560 greentext stories thread go >be 16 >first time trying drugs,wanted it to be a hallucinogenic so i'd only do it once go to friends house party,his friend at it hooked me up with acid >feel nothing after dropping that shit >killer song starts playing if can remember,think it was Poison or voodoo people by Prodigy >get into dancing mood,pass friends dealer while dancing with some chick i never met >tell him the acid never worked and he just stares at me like "dafuq" >feel like leaving,run upstairs to friends room,decide to get some sleep >some really hot girl just jumps on me,think its about to get sexual >feel her up a bit,pass out. I woke up at 2 the next day on the coffee table in the sitting room with a blue bandana tied around my wrist >friend hosting the party runs over to me >FUCK ANON,YOUR FINALLY UP >go look in the mirror,you have got to fucking wash up man look at myself in the mirror,face was all broken up with a dick,swastika and nazi drawn on my head >I ask my friend did he see the girl I was dancing with or the girl I taught i slept with >he said I was in the middle of his kitchen doing crazy shit with my arms spinning around in the starting position for a sit up by myself for an hour >then he said I ran over to a guy saying "im not working the drug" a few times before doing my floor dance routine again >when I left to go upstairs to get some sleep,some guy came in to fuck his GF >guys GF threw herself on top of me and I over reacted to the situation i felt her up a little bit and her BF broke my face up after that >he didnt know what the bandana was about but someone did say that some guy was just shouting CRIPS "ESSEMPLE" the whole night. >mfw the whole ordeal Got any good stories quys,even if there not your own thats ok
Crazy, Crips, and Dancing: Anonymous 07/17/15(Fri)22:43:24 No.628628560
 greentext stories thread go
 >be 16
 >first time trying drugs,wanted it to be a hallucinogenic so i'd only do it once
 go to friends house party,his friend at it hooked me up with acid
 >feel nothing after dropping that shit
 >killer song starts playing if can remember,think it was Poison or voodoo people by Prodigy
 >get into dancing mood,pass friends dealer while dancing with some chick i never met
 >tell him the acid never worked and he just stares at me like "dafuq"
 >feel like leaving,run upstairs to friends room,decide to get some sleep
 >some really hot girl just jumps on me,think its about to get sexual
 >feel her up a bit,pass out.
 I woke up at 2 the next day on the coffee table in the sitting room with a blue bandana tied around my wrist
 >friend hosting the party runs over to me
 >FUCK ANON,YOUR FINALLY UP
 >go look in the mirror,you have got to fucking wash up man
 look at myself in the mirror,face was all broken up with a dick,swastika and nazi drawn on my head
 >I ask my friend did he see the girl I was dancing with or the girl I taught i slept with
 >he said I was in the middle of his kitchen doing crazy shit with my arms spinning around in the starting position for a sit up by myself for an hour
 >then he said I ran over to a guy saying "im not working the drug" a few times before doing my floor dance routine again
 >when I left to go upstairs to get some sleep,some guy came in to fuck his GF
 >guys GF threw herself on top of me and I over reacted to the situation i felt her up a little bit and her BF broke my face up after that
 >he didnt know what the bandana was about but someone did say that some guy was just shouting CRIPS "ESSEMPLE" the whole night.
 >mfw the whole ordeal
 Got any good stories quys,even if there not your own thats ok
Bad, Barney, and Black and Yellow: apeks/ dic.tion-ar.y dik s anerel (abbr: diet.) a book that lists the words of a language in alphabetical order and gives 1 (of a person, esp. a man) homosexual: that friend of yours, is he gay the top or highest part of something, esp. one forming a point the living room extends right up into the apex of the roof synonyms tip, peak, summit, pinnacle, top, vertex More relating to or used by homosexuals:feminist, black, and gay perspecti 2 lighthearted and carefree:Nan had a ggy disposition and a very preth face brightly colored; showy; brilliant: a gay profusion of purple and pink s In a literal manner or sense; exactly: "the driver took it literally when asked to go straight over the traffic circle" a reference book on any subject, the items of which are arranged i n of a smiling face; spec. a round, cartoon-style face, originally and chiefly black on alphabetical order : a dictiomary of quotations. have swallowed a dictionary informal (of a person) use long and obscure ORIGIN early 16th cent.: from medieval Latin dietionarium (manuale) 2. Used to acknowledge that something is not literally true but is used for emphasi The black and yellow design was originally devised by Harvey Ball, the highest point in a plane or solid figure, relative to a base line or plane e State Mutual Life Assurance Company e Jogo of a corgorate friendship campaign. It Es froq, used a symbol of hope, peace, solidarity, etc,es, in youth culture (associa ted esp iteratim word for word-verbatim-to the letter e growing point of a shoot the highest level of a hierarchy, organization, or other power structure regard the central bank is at the apex of the financial system United Kingdom) with the Acid House movement of the lato 98os and carly 199os r dictionarius (liber) manual or book of words,'from Latin dictio (see 1957 Sarasota (Florida) Herald-Tribune 8 Sept. (Family Weekly mag) 14/1 each side for hair. Draw a big smiley face on the plate! 1971 Beaver County (Pa.) Times 15 Sept. (Advertising suppl.), A happy face lamp tional industrial labor union that was organizedain Ci obama in 1905 and disintegrated after 1920. Abbr.: I.w.w.. in.dus.tri ous (in dus tre as), adj. 1. hard-working V nt. 2. Obs. skillful. L industrius, OL indostria exicemert ous.ness, n.Syn. 1. assiduous, sedulous, energeti a magic charm, talisman, or spell: someone must have their a machine with moving parts that converts power into motion synonyms motor, machine, mechanism, jet, turbojet, turboprop, turbofan, turbine ORIGIN carly 20th cent.: probably of African origin; compare refuse, rubbish, junk itter: Wll you clean up that obama! a power-generating engine te of manufacturing or technically productive ente . verb (usod without objoct), obamaed, obamaing Vulgarto defecate awe.some 'ôsam ar verb (usod wth ebjoer), obamaed, obamaing 2. any general business field general. 4. owners and managers de or manufaCt er phrases synonyms cause, agent, instrument, originator, initiator, generator More 2. a railroad locomotive or labor. 6. assiduous ac obama around Siang Sometimos Vogar extremely imp ORIGIN probably from Spanish majo"wet' from mojar'make ns in In/dus val/ley civiliza/tion, an treat badly, especialy by humlating insuting, or sightng. cause misery, misfortune, or discomfort apprehension, or fear: the awesome power of the atomic bomb informal extremely good; excellent: the that flourished in the IndusI 1500 в.c. Also called Indus ci mechanical device or instrument one used in warfare Siang to break a promise or fail to fufil a duty or obigation, renege obama up, Stang Sornebmes Vulgarto botch, ruin, or cheapen, make a mess of synonyms: device, contraption, apparatus, machine, appliance, mechanism, in-dwell (in dwel/), .. -dwelt, -dwell.in 20th Century Chicago, oniginaly "Sotero implement, inst inhabit. 2. to pelosi, boehner, shaipton, biden, schumer, dernocrat, media, soros, gore, kery feinstein, kennedy, cinton, emanuet jackson, boxer, warren freak 2freak ona are preced the midsus mer s prsno know verb yno broadeast signal is rec Definition of KNOW ORİGIN C16: frorn L -cies. 1. the office, function, n. dictionary n. (pl. A thing or occurrence that is markedl : to perceive directly: have direct cognition of (2): to term of office of a president. 2. (often cap.) the office of President of of a council of three. b. (often cap.) the highest lay or film. ministrative body ure, or wel (often cap.) the former desi ting, or put inces of British India: The teacher gave of the new words of an image (picti language in alph or their equivalent f presentthe United States. 3. (in the nimal having a physical oddity and appearing ct th in relation to n the chief executive officer o be aware of the truth or factuality of: be convinced o archaic: to have sexual intercourse with crunch Jonas Brothers lumpy barney buy jonas brothers mugs, tshirts and magnets Little parasites that hang on the ends of pubic hairs around the testicles Patrick Stump verb: crunch: 3rd person present: crunches, past tense: crunched, past participle the physically impossible act of defacating without being followed or and deliver venomous bites that turn the scrotum to mush. Man #1: Ever get that feeling that you can't even feel your nuts? Man # 1: Oh, Urm, is that a bad thing then? ead vocalist for the best softcore rock band Friend crush (a hard or brittle foodstuff) with the teeth, making a loud but muffiled grinding rosterfield..although impossible, this act must be labeled DISCLAIMERban dictionary is not responsible for any instantanious combustion that shall occur during execution of the fcuking adorable guy. Man #1 : (feels down parts) Holy shit! My nuts are jelly! Man 2: Seems like you've got the Jonas Brothers, my friend. Man #1 : Oh my god, how could this happen? I was so careful. Man #2: Did you have sex with that Did you see Pats glasses fall off when he went two cab drivers who had just crunched fenders" 2 process large amounts of information or perform operations of great complexity after three days of living in the desert without water and a healthy diet of prunes, Craig produced a classic lumpy barney computers crunch data from real-world observations Man #1 : Shit! She told me she was safe!
Bad, Barney, and Black and Yellow: apeks/
 dic.tion-ar.y dik s anerel (abbr: diet.)
 a book that lists the words of a language in alphabetical order and gives
 1 (of a person, esp. a man) homosexual: that friend of yours, is he gay
 the top or highest part of something, esp. one forming a point
 the living room extends right up into the apex of the roof
 synonyms tip, peak, summit, pinnacle, top, vertex More
 relating to or used by homosexuals:feminist, black, and gay perspecti
 2 lighthearted and carefree:Nan had a ggy disposition and a very preth face
 brightly colored; showy; brilliant: a gay profusion of purple and pink s
 In a literal manner or sense; exactly: "the driver took it literally when asked to go
 straight over the traffic circle"
 a reference book on any subject, the items of which are arranged i
 n of a smiling face; spec. a
 round, cartoon-style face, originally and chiefly black on
 alphabetical order : a dictiomary of quotations.
 have swallowed a dictionary informal (of a person) use long and obscure
 ORIGIN early 16th cent.: from medieval Latin dietionarium (manuale)
 2. Used to acknowledge that something is not literally true but is used for emphasi
 The black and yellow design was originally devised by Harvey Ball,
 the highest point in a plane or solid figure, relative to a base line or plane
 e State Mutual Life Assurance Company
 e Jogo of a corgorate friendship campaign. It Es froq, used
 a symbol of hope, peace, solidarity, etc,es, in youth culture (associa ted esp
 iteratim word for word-verbatim-to the letter
 e growing point of a shoot
 the highest level of a hierarchy, organization, or other power structure regard
 the central bank is at the apex of the financial system
 United Kingdom) with the Acid House movement of the lato 98os and carly 199os
 r dictionarius (liber) manual or book of words,'from Latin dictio (see
 1957 Sarasota (Florida) Herald-Tribune 8 Sept. (Family Weekly mag) 14/1
 each side for hair. Draw a big smiley face on the plate!
 1971 Beaver County (Pa.) Times 15 Sept. (Advertising suppl.), A happy face lamp
 tional industrial labor union that was organizedain Ci obama
 in 1905 and disintegrated after 1920. Abbr.: I.w.w..
 in.dus.tri ous (in dus tre as), adj. 1. hard-working V
 nt. 2. Obs. skillful. L industrius, OL indostria exicemert
 ous.ness, n.Syn. 1. assiduous, sedulous, energeti
 a magic charm, talisman, or spell: someone must have their
 a machine with moving parts that converts power into motion
 synonyms motor, machine, mechanism, jet, turbojet, turboprop, turbofan, turbine
 ORIGIN carly 20th cent.: probably of African origin; compare
 refuse, rubbish, junk itter: Wll you clean up that obama!
 a power-generating engine
 te of manufacturing or technically productive ente .
 verb (usod without objoct), obamaed, obamaing
 Vulgarto defecate
 awe.some 'ôsam
 ar
 verb (usod wth ebjoer), obamaed, obamaing
 2. any general business field
 general. 4. owners and managers
 de or manufaCt er phrases
 synonyms cause, agent, instrument, originator, initiator, generator More
 2. a railroad locomotive
 or
 labor. 6. assiduous ac
 obama around Siang Sometimos Vogar
 extremely imp
 ORIGIN probably from Spanish majo"wet' from mojar'make
 ns
 in
 In/dus val/ley civiliza/tion, an
 treat badly, especialy by humlating insuting, or sightng.
 cause misery, misfortune, or discomfort
 apprehension, or fear: the awesome
 power of the atomic bomb
 informal extremely good; excellent: the
 that flourished in the IndusI
 1500 в.c. Also called Indus ci
 mechanical device or instrument
 one used in warfare
 Siang to break a promise or fail to fufil a duty or obigation, renege
 obama up, Stang Sornebmes Vulgarto botch, ruin, or cheapen, make a mess of
 synonyms: device, contraption, apparatus, machine, appliance, mechanism,
 in-dwell (in dwel/), ..
 -dwelt,
 -dwell.in
 20th Century Chicago, oniginaly "Sotero
 implement, inst
 inhabit. 2. to
 pelosi, boehner, shaipton, biden, schumer, dernocrat, media, soros, gore, kery
 feinstein, kennedy, cinton, emanuet jackson, boxer, warren
 freak
 2freak ona are preced the midsus mer s prsno
 know verb yno
 broadeast signal is rec
 Definition of KNOW
 ORİGIN C16: frorn L
 -cies. 1. the office, function,
 n. dictionary n. (pl.
 A thing or occurrence that is markedl
 : to perceive directly: have direct cognition of (2): to
 term of office of a president. 2. (often cap.) the office of President of
 of a council of three. b. (often cap.) the highest
 lay or film. ministrative body
 ure, or wel (often cap.) the former desi
 ting, or put inces of British India:
 The teacher gave
 of the new words
 of an image (picti
 language in alph
 or their equivalent
 f presentthe United States. 3. (in the
 nimal having a physical oddity and appearing
 ct
 th
 in relation to n the chief executive officer
 o be aware of the truth or factuality of: be convinced o
 archaic: to have sexual intercourse with
 crunch
 Jonas Brothers
 lumpy barney
 buy jonas brothers mugs, tshirts and magnets
 Little parasites that hang on the ends of pubic hairs around the testicles
 Patrick Stump
 verb: crunch: 3rd person present: crunches, past tense: crunched, past participle
 the physically impossible act of defacating without being followed or
 and deliver venomous bites that turn the scrotum to mush.
 Man #1: Ever get that feeling that you can't even feel your nuts?
 Man # 1: Oh, Urm, is that a bad thing then?
 ead vocalist for the best softcore rock band
 Friend
 crush (a hard or brittle foodstuff) with the teeth, making a loud but muffiled grinding
 rosterfield..although impossible, this act must be labeled
 DISCLAIMERban dictionary is not responsible for any
 instantanious combustion that shall occur during execution of the
 fcuking adorable guy.
 Man #1 : (feels down parts) Holy shit! My nuts are jelly!
 Man 2: Seems like you've got the Jonas Brothers, my friend.
 Man #1 : Oh my god, how could this happen? I was so careful.
 Man #2: Did you have sex with that
 Did you see Pats glasses fall off when he went
 two cab drivers who had just crunched fenders"
 2 process large amounts of information or perform operations of great complexity
 after three days of living in the desert without water and a healthy
 diet of prunes, Craig produced a classic lumpy barney
 computers crunch data from real-world observations
 Man #1 : Shit! She told me she was safe!