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Baked, Creepy, and Massage: me: no thanks i'm on a diet hehe
 me 10 minutes later:
 Dr Smashlove
Ladies if we go out to dinner getchu a molten chocolate cake with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side. Maybe some mochi, if we at a sushi joint (might I suggest the red bean - it don't taste like beans - the Japanese done worked they magic on it and now it taste like fruit 😍). A serving of sorbet, if that's what floats your boat. A 'seasonal fruit bowl', if that catches your fancy (side note: how these high class joints get away with charging $11 for nine raspberries and eight blueberries Bruh? That's seasonal robbery right there FFS 😂). A plate of 'zeppole', perhaps (that's Italian for 'Dunkin Donut donut holes' or, for my fine ass Canadian readers, 'Timbits' 😍). Eat that sugar baby girl. You'll need them calories for later. As for me, the dessert I desire resides between your thighs. Put it on me. Suffocate me, mama. Let me inhale that Punani essence - sweeter than a batch of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. Let your waterfall of mango-flavored honey drizzle drench my sensibilities until I can no longer think straight and am consumed in infatuation and adoration. U feel me? Let me dive in the Punani and swim across your ocean. I love worldly desserts as much as anyone but I know there is a higher dessert. A sweeter one. A more fragrant, intoxicating one. More intoxicating that that peach cobbler when u woozy afterward and u all like "waitress what they put in this joint" and she all "the chef prepares it in a French liquer" and u just like "ok dammit, I'm drunk off a dessert now, this wasn't how tonight was suppose to go" 😫😂. In any event, feed me mama. U the dessert chef tonight. Like a episode of Chopped where u making a rare and delicious form of ice cream - and all the judges like "SHE'S GOING FOR IT - SHE'S GOING FOR THE ICE CREAM MAKER - SHE'S DOING IT" <- they always say this...every episode 😂. Pour that ice cream on me mama. U win this round. U win every round. U the new mildly-creepy salty steak chef dude. Slap me. Massage me. Throw me on the fire, u feel me? Just let me get that Nani first - and imma die a happy man 😍😂😂😂

Ladies if we go out to dinner getchu a molten chocolate cake with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side. Maybe some mochi, if we at a sus...

Memes, Pregnancy, and Principal: love for the sake of Allah is
 love that will last forever
 till Jannah and beyond
 islam everyone
Very touching true story. Worth a read "To the love of my life I write to you this… We’v met during our freshman year of college and I fell in love with you ever since. I always wondered of what really attracted me to you. Was it the fact that you were always a hard working individual academically and spiritually? Or the fact that you love to help people? Truth is; everybody that met you fell in love with your personality. As a freshman on the tennis team you were given the title of being “the women’s rookie player of the year”. You helped the highlanders set a school record of victories with a 10-9 mark. I simply fell in love with you for being you. We got engaged and been best friends ever since. You remember that time when we were in Dr. Hunter’s math class? He asked a question, while I was sleeping, and he said: “I think Omar would have the answer”. You had to wake me up… As I was opening my eyes; I looked towards you to see the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. College years passed by before we knew it and as we were getting ready for graduation we were also making plans for our wedding, applying to jobs and furnishing our small apartment. June 27, 2009 was our wedding day. The next day when we woke up I asked you: “Fatma do you believe what happened yesterday?” “Do you believe how God blessed us with such a beautiful wedding?” You said: “I have no idea how God puts these things together”. One month after our honey moon, we found out that we’re pregnant and are now expecting a baby; we thanked God for that. At that point I swore to you that nothing is more dear and precious to me in this life than you; not even the baby, so before the baby comes I want you to know this. Five months into the pregnancy; while you were teaching at school you fainted and became unconscious. I received a call from the school principal: “Mr. A. your wife has been rushed to St. Joseph’s hospital”. I rushed to the hospital, when I arrived you were still in the emergency room. Shortly afterwards; the doctor came out and told me you had a brain tumor and that we have to lose the baby as soon as possible in order to save your life. Continues 👇👇👇

Very touching true story. Worth a read "To the love of my life I write to you this… We’v met during our freshman year of college and I fell ...

Hookers, Memes, and Fuck That: I still laugh over the fact that
 Soulless! Sam fucked that hooker
 so good that she forgot to collect
 her money afterward.
Hookers, Memes, and Badass: I still laugh over the fact that
 Soulless! Sam fucked that hooker
 so good that she forgot to collect
 her money afterward.
Souless Sam was so badass and also a dick but still super hot . . . supernatural deanwinchester samwinchester castiel destiel casdean crowley bobbysinger spnfamily jensenackles jaredpadalecki mishacollins feliciaday teamfreewill winchesters impala67 spn J2M samifer charliebradbury misha cockles spnfandom f4f likes AlwaysKeepFighting YouAreNotAlone

Souless Sam was so badass and also a dick but still super hot . . . supernatural deanwinchester samwinchester castiel destiel casdean crowle...

The 100, Comics, and Black Twitter: Scribol
 The 100 Most Embarrassing Photos on the Internet
 power burial
 now THIS is an ad
 Sponsored
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ive watched that one video on YouTube about junji ito and he sounds interesting im gonna read his comics and hope i don't piss my pants afterwards

ive watched that one video on YouTube about junji ito and he sounds interesting im gonna read his comics and hope i don't piss my pants afte...

Memes, Prank, and Wshh: You Pranked TV
Check out the video before this one afterwards Follow @masselor TURN ON POST NOTIFUCATIONS masselor wshh petty nochill

Check out the video before this one afterwards Follow @masselor TURN ON POST NOTIFUCATIONS masselor wshh petty nochill

Homeless, Memes, and Zombies: SVF
 Victor Zsasz lost all his
 money and properties
 (a large personal fortune)
 at the hands of Penguin.
- Because you asked for him!... (Request 2-3) Full story: Zsasz! 🔫😼🔪 Afterwards he saw that his life was empty and driven by desire. While attempting to commit suicide by jumping from Gotham Bridge, a homeless man tried to assault Victor with a knife, after he refused to give him money. Instinctively grabbing the knife, Zsasz saw in the man's eyes that all life is meaningless and that nothing nor anyone matters. He then proceeded to stab the man to death as a "gift" for saving his life. From then on, he dedicated himself to "liberating" others from their pointless existence (Zsasz often refers to victims as "zombies"). He slits his victims' throats and leaves them in lifelike poses, adding a tally mark to his own body each time.

- Because you asked for him!... (Request 2-3) Full story: Zsasz! 🔫😼🔪 Afterwards he saw that his life was empty and driven by desire. While a...

Memes, Dish, and Hospital: After a woman was taken to the hospital with
 hypoglycemia (low bloodsugar, two policemen
 stayed behind to prepare dinner for the five kids
 who were still in the house. Afterwards, they also
 did the dishes. (Eindhoven, Netherlands)
Awesome example of going the extra mile to make someone's life better 💖

Awesome example of going the extra mile to make someone's life better 💖

Memes, Superhero, and Superman: Fact 1377
 Superhero Fix
 Bruce has escaped from a straitjacket in
 less than 52 seconds, and remarked
 afterwards that the time was way too
 slow for him.
The Bat. - batman arkhamknight nightwing teentitans justiceleague theflash superman

The Bat. - batman arkhamknight nightwing teentitans justiceleague theflash superman

Memes, Peru, and Only One: Every year on December 25th
 a small town in Peru
 celebrates Christmas by
 settling grudges from the past
 year by fist fighting each other.
 Afterwards, everyone goes
 drinking to numb the pain.
They ain't the only ones BuDoomBoomTsk 😂😂🕺

They ain't the only ones BuDoomBoomTsk 😂😂🕺

Memes, New Year's, and Uber: uber
 facts
 Every year on December 25th, a town in Peru
 celebrates "Takanakuy." Women, men and children
 settle grudges from the past year by calling each
 other out and having fist fights. Afterwards,
 everyone goes drinking to numb the pain and
 move on to a new year.
Im with this

Im with this

Memes, Racism, and Spanish: Me: *laughs in spanish
 Delta Airlines
 DELT
 INDELATA
Everyone mad @ delta even tho the video the guy made was fake.. • EDIT: they admitted one of their other videos that went viral [extremely] was staged. Also, it possibly isn't "fake" but they were recording a social experiment of SHOUTING at people and in the plane, so they had every right to get their asses kicked off. Afterwards they only released this video. They weren't even speaking Arabic, or at least not that someone else on the plane who spoke it could UNDERSTAND. Someone who DID was actually their and couldn't understand shit they were saying. After someone told them to stop shouting they did more and worse 👏🏼 this wasn't racism, and stop letting twitter videos taken out of context set the record for you. Do research. Stop hopping on the bandwagon to claim racism.

Everyone mad @ delta even tho the video the guy made was fake.. • EDIT: they admitted one of their other videos that went viral [extremely] ...

Emoji, Memes, and Bing: Maybe let's not touch anything
 until we figure out if this
 stuff wants to kill us or not
 knocks everything over
 @winchestrs
[12.05] Dean 😂😂😂😂 He looked so stressed afterwards. . QOTD: Comment your most used emoji? . . Aotd: 😇 . . . Be sure to download showgo (Link in my bio )! A lot of us are binge watching shows with other fans using the app, and when Shadowhunters comes back, I'll 110% be using it during the new episodes 😊 . . . . . . supernatural spn spnfamily fandom cw jensenackles jaredpadalecki mishacollins spncast spnscene deanwinchester samwinchester castiel cas akf marywinchester samanthasmith samsmith season12

[12.05] Dean 😂😂😂😂 He looked so stressed afterwards. . QOTD: Comment your most used emoji? . . Aotd: 😇 . . . Be sure to download showgo (Link...

Bones, Definitely, and Memes: Swaroup Anand, 23, was awake during
 cardiac surgery performed at the
 Bangalore Fortis Hospital, in India.
This is my story and not the guys in the meme. A few month ago I had a broken bone and went in for surgery. I woke up during the operation, definitely the most frightening feeling I have felt, trying to communicate but physically not being able, I couldn't move or open my eyes. I could hear everything the doctors were saying and felt everything they were doing but without the pain just pressure and discomfort. I was panicking in my own mind and kept thinking to myself there is no way I can go through this entire opp without them knowing I'm awake. Mentally I knew I had to calm myself down. I noticed that my diaphragm was moving as I was breathing so I held my breath as this was the only thing I could think of doing to give the doctors some indication that I could feel and hear what was happening. This worked, they noticed, as after the only thing I remember was waking up. My body just doesn't seem to take anaesthetics and medications very well. The nurse told me afterwards that whilst they thought I was sleeping he noticed a tear running down my cheek and from that knew something wasn't right as he had never seen this before. He cried himself for me, after I explained to him the whole of their conversations that I had heard. The whole medical staff were obviously very apologetic and couldn't understand how it had happened but it happened. So when I say mind always over matter I mean MIND OVER MATTER no matter what😉✌️❤️ oh and the guy in the meme his surgery was a planned local anaesthetic to show how far open heart surgery has come, kind of like a C section some of us lady's have to go through❤️

This is my story and not the guys in the meme. A few month ago I had a broken bone and went in for surgery. I woke up during the operation, ...

Funny, Haircut, and Ugly: Derriere Connoisseur
 @BardockObama
 When your mom gives you a haircut and
 calls you handsome" afterwards
I'm a cute ugly nigga

I'm a cute ugly nigga

Boxing, Memes, and Tennis: O dono de um falecido cachorro que adora os
 animais e quer lembrar as pessoas de
 aproveitarem cada momento com seus caes.
 In loving memory of phoebe
 Please help yourorirlo a tennis bal for
 your dog to enlog. You mayuish fo
 pepitbalknthe box afterwarde for
 another pooch to eryoy. Remember to
 live eaah moment Nastiko your dog:
 unoondaional love, loyalty and
 happiness.
“Em memória de Phoebe Por favor, pegue uma bola de tênis para seu cachorro se divertir. Você pode colocá-la de volta na caixa para que outros cães brinquem também. Lembre-se de viver cada momento como o seu cachorro: com amor incondicional, lealdade e alegria.”

“Em memória de Phoebe Por favor, pegue uma bola de tênis para seu cachorro se divertir. Você pode colocá-la de volta na caixa para que outro...

Memes, Scare, and Michael: Facebook.com/MontyBoyCat
Today we went to the vet for Monty's checkup and we still keep getting amazed by how sweet and gentle he is! Even though he was a little scared to be examined and meowed (called) for Michael he was completely fine afterwards! When the vet was done and Monty was back in Michael's kangaroo sweatshirt he felt totally safe and calm and acted like nothing ever happened 💜😊 DaddysBoy GoodJobMontyBoy

Today we went to the vet for Monty's checkup and we still keep getting amazed by how sweet and gentle he is! Even though he was a little sca...

Memes, Struggle, and Wshh: A young guy was struggling with his tie. The
 woman in the red coat noticed, and asked 'Do
 you know how to tie it properly?'
 The young guy said No ma'am.'
 She taps her husband and says 'Come to this
 side [her right side; he was standing on her left
 sidel and teach this young man how to tie his
 tie
 The older gentleman moved without hesitation
 [almost a reflex response] and gave him a
 step-by-step tutorial; then afterward the
 elder gentleman watched the young gentleman
 repeat the steps and show him that he had it.
It's the little kindness that reminds us the good side of humanity. WSHH

It's the little kindness that reminds us the good side of humanity. WSHH

Drake, Fam, and Fuck You: Would you watch your man/
 woman fuck someone else for
 $10 million dollars?
 genuineguy Does the sun shine every morning? Is
 Steph curry the best shooter of all time
 Is XVIDEOS
 better than pornhub? Nigga l'm turning that bedroom
 to a AMC theater fuck you mean. Im Popping
 popcorn and making lean. I'm inviting the squad over
 like its my mixtape listening party. Fuck it l'm making
 flyers like its a main event and I'm charging
 admission at the door. $5 for ladies before 12:00 am
 then it's $8, $12 for fellas at the door, After 12am it's
 $15. I'm bringing in my own Analytical team to assist
 homeboy in getting his nut. "yea fam keep stroking
 from that angle it's gonna give you maximum
 efficiency for pulling out". I'll be gladly be wiping the
 sweat off his forehead like "keep fighting champ you
 got this". If the Nigga start getting tired Ima slide a
 Senzu bean in his mouth so he can finish clapping
 them cheeks. Afterwards Im gonna happily collect my
 10 m
 Watch my girl say "Yay babe we did it".
 We? Ima then Batista bomb her through the bed to
 oblivion. Homie catching hands too. After that I'm
 copping a Maybach and I'm riding away into the
 sunset with tears in my eyes blasting drake. I didn't
 deserve this
Lmaoo he a fool for this one 😂😂 @Genuineguy follow for more memes and captions

Lmaoo he a fool for this one 😂😂 @Genuineguy follow for more memes and captions

Memes, Chocolate, and Coming Home: PEANUTS
 A
 I LIKE WALK ON A
 BRISK FALL
 DAY.
 AFTERWARD, IT'S FUN TO
 COME HOME AND HAVE A
 CUP OF HOT CHOCOLATE
 AND SIT IN
 FRONT OF A
 WARM TV
 I
 PNTS
Fall is for hot chocolate and TV ☕️📺

Fall is for hot chocolate and TV ☕️📺

Ex's, God, and Ironic: me: god my entire life is a disaster im
 such a mess holy shit im gonan fuckign
 lose it
 me, literally 3 minutes afterwards: I feel
 so good today!! I'm just so happy that
 things are going well in my life and that
 I'm not stressed out or anything.
 me 10 seconds later:
 al
Me when my ex bf texted me yesterday after I broke up with him less than a month ago to tell me he's seeing someone

Me when my ex bf texted me yesterday after I broke up with him less than a month ago to tell me he's seeing someone