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Tumblr, Army, and Blog: novelty-gift-ideas: Swiss Army Knife Giant
Tumblr, Army, and Blog: novelty-gift-ideas:

Swiss Army Knife Giant

novelty-gift-ideas: Swiss Army Knife Giant

Tumblr, Army, and Blog: fakehistory:The US army attempts to break north Vietnamese resistance (1973) La primera vez que el uso del tag cascanueces es literal.
Tumblr, Army, and Blog: fakehistory:The US army attempts to break north Vietnamese resistance (1973)
La primera vez que el uso del tag cascanueces es literal.

fakehistory:The US army attempts to break north Vietnamese resistance (1973) La primera vez que el uso del tag cascanueces es literal.

Army, Break, and Vietnamese: The US army attempts to break north Vietnamese resistance (1973)
Army, Break, and Vietnamese: The US army attempts to break north Vietnamese resistance (1973)

The US army attempts to break north Vietnamese resistance (1973)

A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be- friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso- lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper. that's Doorman Dan. since meeting him last year, I've discovered .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was complet unaware they had broken up until he wishe happy Christmas and she responded with what the fuck Dan .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops .he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII know when I meet him. .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be told." when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they'd like a snack . .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he's patrolling the bar I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him cacen BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!! zohbugg I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of Doorman Dan thecheshirecass I look forward to reading more about the loving, polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with Ned when they finally meet. fuckveahdiomedes What's the instagram for the rabbits, op? Source: cacen 114,993 notes The adventures of doorman dan
A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen
 so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule
 that all of our door staff must have names that start
 with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be-
 friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called
 Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan
 now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso-
 lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older
 than me and has a fiance. you know when someone
 is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're
 simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan.
 now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his
 appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand
 inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now,
 add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper.
 that's Doorman Dan.
 since meeting him last year, I've discovered
 .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that
 said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when
 he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy
 and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called
 Junkie Jeff at 9AM
 .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months
 while he was in the army, and was complet
 unaware they had broken up until he wishe
 happy Christmas and she responded with what the
 fuck Dan
 .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for
 thirty-six hours
 .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay,
 and instead of jumping in and fighting back he
 decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand
 in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out
 and ran off
 .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a
 month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has
 resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed
 inside any John Lewis shops
 .he is convinced the love of his life is not his
 fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked
 who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII
 know when I meet him.
 .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet
 rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless
 they follow him
 his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even
 proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be
 told."
 when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he
 didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on
 the door and asked if they'd like a snack
 .
 .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail
 called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out
 being the only person on the dance floor without a
 drink when he's patrolling the bar
 I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him
 cacen
 BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!!
 zohbugg
 I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of
 Doorman Dan
 thecheshirecass
 I look forward to reading more about the loving,
 polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with
 Ned when they finally meet.
 fuckveahdiomedes
 What's the instagram for the rabbits, op?
 Source: cacen
 114,993 notes
The adventures of doorman dan

The adventures of doorman dan

Army, Panda, and Black: Jack Black Summoning his army of Panda Warriors (2008)
Army, Panda, and Black: Jack Black Summoning his army of Panda Warriors (2008)

Jack Black Summoning his army of Panda Warriors (2008)

Army, Panda, and Black: Jack Black Summoning his army of Panda Warriors (2008)
Army, Panda, and Black: Jack Black Summoning his army of Panda Warriors (2008)

Jack Black Summoning his army of Panda Warriors (2008)

Birdman, Memes, and Shit: Same-da CASHMONEY IS A ARMY. BETTER YET A NAVY THIS SHIT 4LIFE 👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾🦅🦅 @birdman takecareofyachirren freenate richgang cashmoney
Birdman, Memes, and Shit: Same-da
CASHMONEY IS A ARMY. BETTER YET A NAVY THIS SHIT 4LIFE 👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾🦅🦅 @birdman takecareofyachirren freenate richgang cashmoney

CASHMONEY IS A ARMY. BETTER YET A NAVY THIS SHIT 4LIFE 👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾🦅🦅 @birdman takecareofyachirren freenate richgang cashmoney

Life, Love, and Tumblr: Note from angry neighbor (above) and appropriate Army vet response (below) uov Or have. TAko, a . cour You look HANèicu Stup beis ASer OHFILE Dear Passive Aggressive Douche, First and foremost: In the state of Texas, if a vehicle has DISABLED VETERAN license plates that vehicle is not required, BY LAW, to have a handicapped placard displayed, nor a handicapped emblem on the license plate, UNLESS that vehicle is parked on FEDERAL property. If you had bothered to spend 30 seconds and pull the minlature computer out of your pocket to research this then you would have never needed to leave me this offensive note. Considering that you took a picture of my license plate you should have been able to very clearly see the writing at the bottom that says: DISABLED VETERAN U.S. ARMED FORCES Butpobably just let your emotions gethe best of you and felt like being a social justice hero. Secondly: Although I may not "look handicapped to you, I can assure you that the amount of pain I feel in my lower body from walking due to combat sustained injuries far supersedes any level of pain you have ever felt in your entire life. Or maybe not....Who am I to say? After all, I don't even know who you are. By the way, I would love to hear what your idea of a handicapped person "looks like. Asshole Lastly You may have noticed there is a photocopy of the note you left attached to my response. I kept the original. I think I'm going to frame it so 1 can look at it every day as to remind myself of what kind of person to NOT be Sincerely The guy who doesn't look handicapped srsfunny:Angry Neighbor Vs. Army Vet
Life, Love, and Tumblr: Note from angry neighbor (above) and appropriate
 Army vet response (below)
 uov
 Or
 have. TAko, a
 .
 cour
 You look HANèicu
 Stup beis ASer
 OHFILE
 Dear Passive Aggressive Douche,
 First and foremost:
 In the state of Texas, if a vehicle has DISABLED VETERAN license plates
 that vehicle is not required, BY LAW, to have a handicapped placard
 displayed, nor a handicapped emblem on the license plate, UNLESS that
 vehicle is parked on FEDERAL property. If you had bothered to spend
 30 seconds and pull the minlature computer out of your pocket to
 research this then you would have never needed to leave me this
 offensive note. Considering that you took a picture of my license plate
 you should have been able to very clearly see the writing at the bottom
 that says: DISABLED VETERAN U.S. ARMED FORCES
 Butpobably just let your emotions gethe best of you and
 felt like being a social justice hero.
 Secondly:
 Although I may not "look handicapped to you, I can assure you that the
 amount of pain I feel in my lower body from walking due to combat
 sustained injuries far supersedes any level of pain you have ever felt in
 your entire life. Or maybe not....Who am I to say? After all, I don't even
 know who you are.
 By the way, I would love to hear what your idea of a handicapped
 person "looks like. Asshole
 Lastly
 You may have noticed there is a photocopy of the note you left attached
 to my response. I kept the original. I think I'm going to frame it so 1 can
 look at it every day as to remind myself of what kind of person to NOT
 be
 Sincerely
 The guy who doesn't look handicapped
srsfunny:Angry Neighbor Vs. Army Vet

srsfunny:Angry Neighbor Vs. Army Vet

Crime, Instagram, and Memes: Chris Harrigan 5 hrs Melbourne, VIC Guys this is the true crime story of the decade: Yesterday a friend told me what might well be the best story I've ever heard. She had caught the train in from Frankston. And while she was waiting for the train to come, she noticed a man sitting down on the platform with a bag of fish and chips. But he wasn't really eating them. He was just sort of letting them air. This attracted a few seagulls, who began to circle the platform. Instead of shooing the birds away, the man offered them a few chips. He'd toss one a foot or so away from him. It was like he was beckoning them to come closer. He kept doing this, eking the chips out slowly, until there was a big group of seagulls in front of him, 15 or 20. A tiny army. He'd throw them a chip every now and then - just enough to keep the birds interested, but not enough to sate them. It was frustrating. They were getting angry. Squawking. It was like he was rearing them up for... something. Then the train came, and everyone got on. But the man stayed on the ground with his chips. Just when the train was about to leave. It happened. Right before the doors closed, the man threw the entire bag of the fish and chips into the train. The entire flock of seagulls followed the bag. And the doors closed. Inside the train: pandemonium The next train stop was five minutes away. 💨 @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! 👺😂
Crime, Instagram, and Memes: Chris Harrigan
 5 hrs Melbourne, VIC
 Guys this is the true crime story of the decade:
 Yesterday a friend told me what might well be the best
 story I've ever heard. She had caught the train in from
 Frankston. And while she was waiting for the train to
 come, she noticed a man sitting down on the platform
 with a bag of fish and chips. But he wasn't really
 eating them. He was just sort of letting them air.
 This attracted a few seagulls, who began to circle the
 platform. Instead of shooing the birds away, the man
 offered them a few chips. He'd toss one a foot or so
 away from him. It was like he was beckoning them to
 come closer. He kept doing this, eking the chips out
 slowly, until there was a big group of seagulls in front
 of him, 15 or 20. A tiny army. He'd throw them a chip
 every now and then - just enough to keep the birds
 interested, but not enough to sate them. It was
 frustrating. They were getting angry. Squawking. It
 was like he was rearing them up for... something.
 Then the train came, and everyone got on. But the
 man stayed on the ground with his chips. Just when
 the train was about to leave. It happened.
 Right before the doors closed, the man threw the
 entire bag of the fish and chips into the train. The
 entire flock of seagulls followed the bag. And the
 doors closed. Inside the train: pandemonium
 The next train stop was five minutes away.
💨 @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! 👺😂

💨 @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! 👺😂