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Alive, Apparently, and Come Over: I'm a therapist and keep this poster in my waiting room, apparently it's saved a few lives IDONT LIKE THE PHRASE "A CRY FOR HELP" I JST DONT LIKE HOW IT SOuNDS. WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS TO ME, "I'M THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE, I HAVE A PLAN: I JUST NEED A REASON NOT TO co IT" THE LAST THING I SEE IS HELPLESSNESS. I THINK: YOUR DEPRESSION HAS BEEN BEATING YOU UP FOR YEARS. ITS CALLED YOU UGLY, AND STUPID, AND PATHETIC, AND A FAILURE FOR SO LONG THAT YOUVE FORGOTTEN THAT ITS WRONG. YOU DON'T SEE ANY GOOD IN YOURSELF, AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY HOPE BUT STILL, HERE YOLARE: YOU'VE COME OVER TO ME, BANGED ON MY DOOR, AND SAID, "HEY! STAYING ALIVE IS REALLY HARD RIGHT NOW JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING TO FIGHT WITHI I DON'T CARE IF ITS A STICKI GIVE ME A STICK AND I CAN STAY ALIVE! HOW IS THAT HELPLESS? I THINK THAT'S INCREDIBLE. YOU'RE LIKE A MARINE: TRAPPED FOR YEARS BEHIND ENEMY LINES, YOUR GUN HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY, You'RE OUT OF AMMO、YOuRE MALNOURISHED, AND YOUVE PROBABLY CAUGHT SOME KIND OF JUNGLE VIRUS THAT'S MAKING YOU HALLLICINATE GIANT SPIDERS AND YOU'RE STILL JUST GOING, "GIVE ME A STICK I'M NOT DYING OUT HERE A CRY FOR HELP" MAKES IT SOUND LIKE IM SUPPOSED TO TAKE PITY ON YOU, BUT YOU DON'T NEED MY PITY THIS ISN'T PATHETIC. THIS IS THE WILL TO SURVIVE. THIS IS HOW HUMANS LIVED LONG ENOUGH TO BECOME THE DOMINANT SPECIES WITH NO HOPE, RUNNING ON NOTHING, YOU'RE READY TO CUT BUT A STICK, IF THATS WHAT IT TAKES TO GET TO SAFETY ALL IM DOING IS HANDING OUT STICKS THROUGH A HUNDRED MILES OF HOSTILE JUNGLE WITH NOTHING . (O YOU'RE THE ONE STAYING ALIVE.
Alive, Apparently, and Come Over: I'm a therapist and keep this poster
 in my waiting room, apparently it's
 saved a few lives
 IDONT LIKE THE PHRASE "A CRY FOR HELP" I JST DONT LIKE
 HOW IT SOuNDS. WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS TO ME, "I'M THINKING
 ABOUT SUICIDE, I HAVE A PLAN: I JUST NEED A REASON NOT TO
 co IT" THE LAST THING I SEE IS HELPLESSNESS.
 I THINK: YOUR DEPRESSION HAS BEEN BEATING YOU UP FOR YEARS.
 ITS CALLED YOU UGLY, AND STUPID, AND PATHETIC, AND A FAILURE
 FOR SO LONG THAT YOUVE FORGOTTEN THAT ITS WRONG. YOU DON'T
 SEE ANY GOOD IN YOURSELF, AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY HOPE
 BUT STILL, HERE YOLARE: YOU'VE COME OVER TO ME, BANGED ON MY
 DOOR, AND SAID, "HEY! STAYING ALIVE IS REALLY HARD RIGHT NOW
 JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING TO FIGHT WITHI I DON'T CARE IF ITS
 A STICKI GIVE ME A STICK AND I CAN STAY ALIVE!
 HOW IS THAT HELPLESS? I THINK THAT'S INCREDIBLE. YOU'RE LIKE
 A MARINE: TRAPPED FOR YEARS BEHIND ENEMY LINES, YOUR GUN
 HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY, You'RE OUT OF AMMO、YOuRE
 MALNOURISHED, AND YOUVE PROBABLY CAUGHT SOME KIND OF
 JUNGLE VIRUS THAT'S MAKING YOU HALLLICINATE GIANT SPIDERS
 AND YOU'RE STILL JUST GOING, "GIVE ME A STICK
 I'M NOT DYING OUT HERE
 A CRY FOR HELP" MAKES IT SOUND LIKE IM SUPPOSED TO
 TAKE PITY ON YOU, BUT YOU DON'T NEED MY PITY THIS ISN'T
 PATHETIC. THIS IS THE WILL TO SURVIVE. THIS IS HOW HUMANS
 LIVED LONG ENOUGH TO BECOME THE DOMINANT SPECIES
 WITH NO HOPE, RUNNING ON NOTHING, YOU'RE READY TO CUT
 BUT A STICK, IF THATS WHAT IT TAKES TO GET TO SAFETY
 ALL IM DOING IS HANDING OUT STICKS
 THROUGH A HUNDRED MILES OF HOSTILE JUNGLE WITH NOTHING . (O
 YOU'RE THE ONE STAYING ALIVE.
A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be- friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso- lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper. that's Doorman Dan. since meeting him last year, I've discovered .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was complet unaware they had broken up until he wishe happy Christmas and she responded with what the fuck Dan .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops .he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII know when I meet him. .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be told." when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they'd like a snack . .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he's patrolling the bar I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him cacen BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!! zohbugg I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of Doorman Dan thecheshirecass I look forward to reading more about the loving, polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with Ned when they finally meet. fuckveahdiomedes What's the instagram for the rabbits, op? Source: cacen 114,993 notes The adventures of doorman dan
A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen
 so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule
 that all of our door staff must have names that start
 with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be-
 friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called
 Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan
 now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso-
 lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older
 than me and has a fiance. you know when someone
 is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're
 simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan.
 now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his
 appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand
 inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now,
 add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper.
 that's Doorman Dan.
 since meeting him last year, I've discovered
 .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that
 said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when
 he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy
 and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called
 Junkie Jeff at 9AM
 .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months
 while he was in the army, and was complet
 unaware they had broken up until he wishe
 happy Christmas and she responded with what the
 fuck Dan
 .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for
 thirty-six hours
 .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay,
 and instead of jumping in and fighting back he
 decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand
 in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out
 and ran off
 .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a
 month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has
 resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed
 inside any John Lewis shops
 .he is convinced the love of his life is not his
 fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked
 who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII
 know when I meet him.
 .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet
 rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless
 they follow him
 his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even
 proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be
 told."
 when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he
 didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on
 the door and asked if they'd like a snack
 .
 .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail
 called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out
 being the only person on the dance floor without a
 drink when he's patrolling the bar
 I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him
 cacen
 BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!!
 zohbugg
 I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of
 Doorman Dan
 thecheshirecass
 I look forward to reading more about the loving,
 polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with
 Ned when they finally meet.
 fuckveahdiomedes
 What's the instagram for the rabbits, op?
 Source: cacen
 114,993 notes
The adventures of doorman dan

The adventures of doorman dan