πŸ”₯ | Latest

A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be- friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso- lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper. that's Doorman Dan. since meeting him last year, I've discovered .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was complet unaware they had broken up until he wishe happy Christmas and she responded with what the fuck Dan .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops .he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII know when I meet him. .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be told." when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they'd like a snack . .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he's patrolling the bar I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him cacen BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!! zohbugg I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of Doorman Dan thecheshirecass I look forward to reading more about the loving, polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with Ned when they finally meet. fuckveahdiomedes What's the instagram for the rabbits, op? Source: cacen 114,993 notes The adventures of doorman dan
A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen
 so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule
 that all of our door staff must have names that start
 with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be-
 friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called
 Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan
 now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso-
 lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older
 than me and has a fiance. you know when someone
 is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're
 simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan.
 now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his
 appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand
 inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now,
 add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper.
 that's Doorman Dan.
 since meeting him last year, I've discovered
 .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that
 said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when
 he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy
 and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called
 Junkie Jeff at 9AM
 .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months
 while he was in the army, and was complet
 unaware they had broken up until he wishe
 happy Christmas and she responded with what the
 fuck Dan
 .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for
 thirty-six hours
 .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay,
 and instead of jumping in and fighting back he
 decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand
 in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out
 and ran off
 .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a
 month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has
 resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed
 inside any John Lewis shops
 .he is convinced the love of his life is not his
 fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked
 who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII
 know when I meet him.
 .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet
 rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless
 they follow him
 his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even
 proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be
 told."
 when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he
 didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on
 the door and asked if they'd like a snack
 .
 .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail
 called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out
 being the only person on the dance floor without a
 drink when he's patrolling the bar
 I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him
 cacen
 BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!!
 zohbugg
 I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of
 Doorman Dan
 thecheshirecass
 I look forward to reading more about the loving,
 polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with
 Ned when they finally meet.
 fuckveahdiomedes
 What's the instagram for the rabbits, op?
 Source: cacen
 114,993 notes
The adventures of doorman dan

The adventures of doorman dan

Bored, Confused, and Crush: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses In 5th grade some boys hid my desk in the boys bathroom. I was confused when I got to school and it was missing, so I just sat on the floor and read my book until the teacher came in and made them put it back I realize now they were trying to trick me into go into the boys bathroom, but no one actually told me that's where my desk was, and it didn't occur to me to ask Looking back I realize they had to make the effort to get to school early to move it, and I feel a tiny bit of regret for not reacting more. -biggest-gaudiest-patronuses In 3rd grade Richard brought his new lacrosse set in for show in tell. the ball went missing during class time and at the end of the day we all had to check our bookbags to look for it. I only glanced in mine (I just wanted to go home), but that evening I found it at the bottom of my bag. I was so scared of being blamed, I threw it into the neighbor's yard and never told anyone. I found out 2 years later that my bully Luke put it there to frame me, and he was still extremely frustrated I hadn't gotten caught. I'm pretty sure Richard got a new ball. feral-renaissance-cat I had a crush on a boy I met in Kindergarten and made NO attempts to hide it because the people on TV were always telling each other when they liked each other. Didn't work as well as I'd hope (i.e. didn't work AT ALL and no boy wanted to hang out with me ever after that), but that's not the point. Skip ahead to third grade. We had a new kid who was kind of a jerk. One day he asks me if I havea crush and I'm like, "Yeah, [Crush]. And?" Dude turns around and yells to my crush "Hey! She has a crush on you My crush just kinda sighs and is like, "Yeah. I know. Everyone knows. Thanks." So this guy was hoping to embarrass me in front of everyone but it completely backfired because I lack the social filter necessary to feel ashamed of my base desires. darkhumourandfandoms One time in like kindergerden some kid stole my shoe and instead if reacting I just went the whole day barefoot. No one questioned it. He got bored of no reaction and just dropped the shoe but by then I was too committed and continued to walk around barefoot. lycant-guy22 Some of yall grew up with a low base stat of "fucks given" The Zero Fucks Given crowd
Bored, Confused, and Crush: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
 In 5th grade some boys hid my desk in the boys
 bathroom. I was confused when I got to school and it
 was missing, so I just sat on the floor and read my
 book until the teacher came in and made them put it
 back
 I realize now they were trying to trick me into go into
 the boys bathroom, but no one actually told me
 that's where my desk was, and it didn't occur to me
 to ask
 Looking back I realize they had to make the effort to
 get to school early to move it, and I feel a tiny bit of
 regret for not reacting more.
 -biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
 In 3rd grade Richard brought his new lacrosse set in
 for show in tell. the ball went missing during class
 time and at the end of the day we all had to check
 our bookbags to look for it. I only glanced in mine (I
 just wanted to go home), but that evening I found it
 at the bottom of my bag. I was so scared of being
 blamed, I threw it into the neighbor's yard and never
 told anyone.
 I found out 2 years later that my bully Luke put it
 there to frame me, and he was still extremely
 frustrated I hadn't gotten caught.
 I'm pretty sure Richard got a new ball.
 feral-renaissance-cat
 I had a crush on a boy I met in Kindergarten and
 made NO attempts to hide it because the people on
 TV were always telling each other when they liked
 each other. Didn't work as well as I'd hope (i.e. didn't
 work AT ALL and no boy wanted to hang out with me
 ever after that), but that's not the point.
 Skip ahead to third grade. We had a new kid who
 was kind of a jerk. One day he asks me if I havea
 crush and I'm like, "Yeah, [Crush]. And?" Dude turns
 around and yells to my crush "Hey! She has a crush
 on you
 My crush just kinda sighs and is like, "Yeah. I know.
 Everyone knows. Thanks."
 So this guy was hoping to embarrass me in front of
 everyone but it completely backfired because I lack
 the social filter necessary to feel ashamed of my
 base desires.
 darkhumourandfandoms
 One time in like kindergerden some kid stole my
 shoe and instead if reacting I just went the whole day
 barefoot. No one questioned it. He got bored of no
 reaction and just dropped the shoe but by then I was
 too committed and continued to walk around
 barefoot.
 lycant-guy22
 Some of yall grew up with a low base stat of "fucks
 given"
The Zero Fucks Given crowd

The Zero Fucks Given crowd