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Ass, Beautiful, and Booty: First night at home from the shelter. Reddit u/towntown1337 @DrSmashlove People ask me “aye smash what’s your type? What do u like in a girl?” Simple - I ain’t got no type. Anyone who says I do is lyin 🦁. I mean obviously from the captions u can see that there are things I like (skretch marks...above the booty dimples...thunderous thighs 🤤 lemme stop before I get hot and bothered.) But that don’t mean I don’t like thin women. I love them too. Equally. Girl if u don’t bring ya bony lil sensual grasshopper lookin a$$ and sit on this lap ol stick figure a$$ lmao wyd tho hangman lookin a$$ u cute tho lol handful of toothpicks with good hair lookin a$$ baby stop crying I’m playin with u why u gotta punch me ol legend of the slenderman lookin a$$ baby...baby why u choking me...baby? I kinda like this keep going HAHAHAHA LEMME STOP. Anyway like I said I ain’t got no type. Thicky thicc or slenderwomanous u all splendiferous. And that’s how I feel about doggies. I ain’t got no type. I understand people like different things. I don’t even blame people who go to breeders like I got close friends that’s done it and I’m not about to lecture anybody - they want a certain retriever or husky good for them. I don’t like puppy mills in my heart but I don’t judge. But as for me bruv a ratty lil mix breed rescue dog with a high pitch bark that sound like a child aggressively coughing? With them lil ass legs that allow him or her to run 700 miles per hour bruv? I love a crazy lil rescue mutt bruv he beautiful to me. But most important YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL FOR ADOPTING HIM OR HER - U A HERO. NOT A SMALL HERO BUT A BIG HERO - BLESS U - U WONDERFUL 😍❤️ [Editor’s Note: The reference to choking was made in jest and was merely intended to create literary interest. The author is from the hood. Consequently, I have built-in danger sensors. Wrap your hands around my throat and squeeze and u gon catcheth this fade. It be the petite lil joints that always wanna scrap too - don’t none of u lil grasshoppers DM me like “let me choke u zaddy ☺️” Imma leave u on ‘Seent’ ON PRINCIPLE. BLESS YA TINY LIL A$$ UP 😂😂😂]
Ass, Beautiful, and Booty: First night at home from the shelter.
 Reddit u/towntown1337
 @DrSmashlove
People ask me “aye smash what’s your type? What do u like in a girl?” Simple - I ain’t got no type. Anyone who says I do is lyin 🦁. I mean obviously from the captions u can see that there are things I like (skretch marks...above the booty dimples...thunderous thighs 🤤 lemme stop before I get hot and bothered.) But that don’t mean I don’t like thin women. I love them too. Equally. Girl if u don’t bring ya bony lil sensual grasshopper lookin a$$ and sit on this lap ol stick figure a$$ lmao wyd tho hangman lookin a$$ u cute tho lol handful of toothpicks with good hair lookin a$$ baby stop crying I’m playin with u why u gotta punch me ol legend of the slenderman lookin a$$ baby...baby why u choking me...baby? I kinda like this keep going HAHAHAHA LEMME STOP. Anyway like I said I ain’t got no type. Thicky thicc or slenderwomanous u all splendiferous. And that’s how I feel about doggies. I ain’t got no type. I understand people like different things. I don’t even blame people who go to breeders like I got close friends that’s done it and I’m not about to lecture anybody - they want a certain retriever or husky good for them. I don’t like puppy mills in my heart but I don’t judge. But as for me bruv a ratty lil mix breed rescue dog with a high pitch bark that sound like a child aggressively coughing? With them lil ass legs that allow him or her to run 700 miles per hour bruv? I love a crazy lil rescue mutt bruv he beautiful to me. But most important YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL FOR ADOPTING HIM OR HER - U A HERO. NOT A SMALL HERO BUT A BIG HERO - BLESS U - U WONDERFUL 😍❤️ [Editor’s Note: The reference to choking was made in jest and was merely intended to create literary interest. The author is from the hood. Consequently, I have built-in danger sensors. Wrap your hands around my throat and squeeze and u gon catcheth this fade. It be the petite lil joints that always wanna scrap too - don’t none of u lil grasshoppers DM me like “let me choke u zaddy ☺️” Imma leave u on ‘Seent’ ON PRINCIPLE. BLESS YA TINY LIL A$$ UP 😂😂😂]

People ask me “aye smash what’s your type? What do u like in a girl?” Simple - I ain’t got no type. Anyone who says I do is lyin 🦁. I mean o...

9gag, Being Alone, and Crying: Sitting at home, alone in the house, i feel actually kind of peacefull, typing this up. I have already accepted my fate. I was diagnosed with cancer a week ago, and the doctors gave me 2 months to live, and right nowi 7 KB JPG just really want to share the story of how i got cancer. So here it is First, a bit of backstory 4 years old >Freshman year On second day of school, make a friend who we Mike was a few years older than me Get really close with mike At the time, kissless virgin Terrified with girls Desperate for a girlfriend Mike tells me that it's easy to talk to girls >Just don't be nervous and talk to one Iv'e always been too nervous to even approach One day, he literally pushes me infront a girl i this is anon. Walks away panick, and she kind of giggles We end up talking Shes actually kind of nice Me and female become friends Fastforward 2 years later Me and female end up dating Dating for a year and a half We become known as the Lily and Marshal of my highschool Mike is having a party at his house Me and female go >I have a few drinks, but gf has alot more than i She gets some cigaretts and starts smoking with some guy Drunkenly tries to make me smoke too i try it, but have a coughing fit and don't do it She starts to get anoyed that i won't smoke with er "Whatever" she says and walks off visually Kept partying with Mike and make a few new S. Later, i can't find gf Start asking around for her One girl says she saw her go upstairs with smoker guy Ohfuckno Mike sees me run upstairs and follows me Open a bedroom door and see her with her top off, making out with smokerfag >I'm stunned. Speachless Mike grabs guy and throws him off the bed Female starts crying and saying sorry Runs over and hugs me Not gonna ask if i can continut because im not a Cont?cunt Anonymous 07/27/15(Mon)23:25:05 No. 630890540 Cont pleeease Anonymous 07/27/15(Mon)23:27:19 No.630890983 Few days later, feel an urge to smoke Decide 'what's the harm l end up having one maybe once a week Not 19 yet (legel smoking/drinking age in canada) so i have to bum them off of people turns out female kept on talking and seeing eachother once in a while behind my back Long story short, female dumps me for smokefag Start smoking to cope with it > I was in love with female, and i still am l dont know how to deal this. She was my >i get super depressed cry almost every night for 6 months contemplate suicide decide i dont want to live without female decide to get super drunk and give myself alcohol poisoning. Just kind of, fade away peacefully ive always told mike everything, but i didnt tell him how hurt i was by female > tell him i want to drink » mike lives alone now, so we do it at his house get super drunk. I cant really remember any of what happened that night aparently i passed out and he turned me on my side so i wouldnt choke on my own vomit Wake up and see him sitting in a chair start crying uncontrollably tell mike what i tried to do Mike really helped me deal with all the pain, but my smoking habbit stayed >2 weeks ago lungs feel strange. Sharp pains when i take deep go to doctor to get it checked out take some tests few days later, i get a call from doctor nervouse as fuck turns out im completly fine suicide attempt was a month ago Still a little depressed, but not suicidal anymore mike calls or texts me everyday to makesure in ok one day, mike texts me a link of a funny picture to try and cheer me up its a link to a picture on 9gag get cancer Anon shares a heartbreaking story
9gag, Being Alone, and Crying: Sitting at home, alone in the
 house, i feel actually kind of
 peacefull, typing this up. I have
 already accepted my fate. I was
 diagnosed with cancer a week
 ago, and the doctors gave me 2
 months to live, and right nowi
 7 KB JPG
 just really want to share the story of how i got
 cancer. So here it is
 First, a bit of backstory
 4 years old
 >Freshman year
 On second day of school, make a friend who we
 Mike was a few years older than me
 Get really close with mike
 At the time, kissless virgin
 Terrified with girls
 Desperate for a girlfriend
 Mike tells me that it's easy to talk to girls
 >Just don't be nervous and talk to one
 Iv'e always been too nervous to even approach
 One day, he literally pushes me infront a girl i
 this is anon.
 Walks away
 panick, and she kind of giggles
 We end up talking
 Shes actually kind of nice
 Me and female become friends
 Fastforward 2 years later
 Me and female end up dating
 Dating for a year and a half
 We become known as the Lily and Marshal of
 my highschool
 Mike is having a party at his house
 Me and female go
 >I have a few drinks, but gf has alot more than i
 She gets some cigaretts and starts smoking
 with some guy
 Drunkenly tries to make me smoke too
 i try it, but have a coughing fit and don't do it
 She starts to get anoyed that i won't smoke with
 er
 "Whatever" she says and walks off visually
 Kept partying with Mike and make a few new
 S.
 Later, i can't find gf
 Start asking around for her
 One girl says she saw her go upstairs with
 smoker guy
 Ohfuckno
 Mike sees me run upstairs and follows me
 Open a bedroom door and see her with her top
 off, making out with smokerfag
 >I'm stunned. Speachless
 Mike grabs guy and throws him off the bed
 Female starts crying and saying sorry
 Runs over and hugs me
 Not gonna ask if i can continut because im not a
 Cont?cunt
 Anonymous
 07/27/15(Mon)23:25:05 No. 630890540
 Cont pleeease
 Anonymous 07/27/15(Mon)23:27:19 No.630890983
 Few days later, feel an urge to smoke
 Decide 'what's the harm
 l end up having one maybe once a week
 Not 19 yet (legel smoking/drinking age in
 canada) so i have to bum them off of people
 turns out female kept on talking and seeing
 eachother once in a while behind my back
 Long story short, female dumps me for smokefag
 Start smoking to cope with it
 > I was in love with female, and i still am
 l dont know how to deal this. She was my
 >i get super depressed
 cry almost every night for 6 months
 contemplate suicide
 decide i dont want to live without female
 decide to get super drunk and give myself
 alcohol poisoning. Just kind of, fade away
 peacefully
 ive always told mike everything, but i didnt tell
 him how hurt i was by female
 > tell him i want to drink
 » mike lives alone now, so we do it at his house
 get super drunk. I cant really remember any of
 what happened that night
 aparently i passed out and he turned me on my
 side so i wouldnt choke on my own vomit
 Wake up and see him sitting in a chair
 start crying uncontrollably
 tell mike what i tried to do
 Mike really helped me deal with all the pain, but
 my smoking habbit stayed
 >2 weeks ago
 lungs feel strange. Sharp pains when i take
 deep
 go to doctor to get it checked out
 take some tests
 few days later, i get a call from doctor
 nervouse as fuck
 turns out im completly fine
 suicide attempt was a month ago
 Still a little depressed, but not suicidal anymore
 mike calls or texts me everyday to makesure in
 ok
 one day, mike texts me a link of a funny picture
 to try and cheer me up
 its a link to a picture on 9gag
 get cancer
Anon shares a heartbreaking story

Anon shares a heartbreaking story

Beard, Bless Up, and Cookies: u/mr oberts 16d i.redd.it My wife does wedding flowers and occasionally gets to make flower collars for dogs. Here is Donna helping out by modeling @DrSmashlove Today I have reached the high point of my career, bruv. No I did not get a promotion. Nor did I get a raise. Did my title change? Also no. Corner office? No ma’am (thankfully my office-view is pretty dope as it is and for that I am thankful 🤲). Head of a group? Nuh uh. Something sweeter. Something more valuable. Something nearer and dearer to my heart. Today, dear friends, when the food services people (who are the real MVPs) set up my business lunch in the conference center (chicken breasts, fingerling potatoes, Brussels sprouts, salad, rolls and cookies...side note...fingerling? LMAO. Who invented this word? It’s like the daintiest, most petite finger. “Alice has the most adorable hands. They’re not even fingers...they’re fingerlings 🤗.” But I got big hands so what that make me? “Smash got bear paws, bruv. He ain’t een got fingers, he got ‘Fingertons’” 😩 ok imma donkey lemme stop). So anyway when I get to the room and they had lunch set up...THEY ALREADY PUT THE TABASCO AND SRIRACHA OUT THERE FOR ME 😥. I was so happy I was damn near beaming. A lump formed in my throat and a single tear trickled down my low, shaped beard. No more walk of shame to the supplies closet where they hide the seasonings so some of our more Caucasoidally-inclined clients don’t sustain any inadvertent burns (caucasoids I love yall and I know some of u are bout that spicy lifestyle but some of u might damn near cough out a lung out if we keeping it 600 lol.) The staff had my back. They knew that these negotiations are tough when I attempt to choke down a completely unseasoned chicken breast, as my esophagus will sometimes reject food that hasn’t been bathed in at least two or three different hot sauces. Today’s negotiation went wonderfully. I felt like I was skipping about the room in a tutu lmao pause. Anyway I feel like it’s not much more for me to do out here, bruv. I always felt like an outsider in this corporate ting, but today...I still feel like an outsider 🤗 LMAO BUT THEY HAD MY BACK WITH THE HOT SAUCE AND IMMA REMEMBER THIS DAY FOREVER. NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF THE LITTLE WINS. MamaWeMadeIt BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂
Beard, Bless Up, and Cookies: u/mr oberts 16d i.redd.it
 My wife does wedding flowers and
 occasionally gets to make flower collars for
 dogs. Here is Donna helping out by modeling
 @DrSmashlove
Today I have reached the high point of my career, bruv. No I did not get a promotion. Nor did I get a raise. Did my title change? Also no. Corner office? No ma’am (thankfully my office-view is pretty dope as it is and for that I am thankful 🤲). Head of a group? Nuh uh. Something sweeter. Something more valuable. Something nearer and dearer to my heart. Today, dear friends, when the food services people (who are the real MVPs) set up my business lunch in the conference center (chicken breasts, fingerling potatoes, Brussels sprouts, salad, rolls and cookies...side note...fingerling? LMAO. Who invented this word? It’s like the daintiest, most petite finger. “Alice has the most adorable hands. They’re not even fingers...they’re fingerlings 🤗.” But I got big hands so what that make me? “Smash got bear paws, bruv. He ain’t een got fingers, he got ‘Fingertons’” 😩 ok imma donkey lemme stop). So anyway when I get to the room and they had lunch set up...THEY ALREADY PUT THE TABASCO AND SRIRACHA OUT THERE FOR ME 😥. I was so happy I was damn near beaming. A lump formed in my throat and a single tear trickled down my low, shaped beard. No more walk of shame to the supplies closet where they hide the seasonings so some of our more Caucasoidally-inclined clients don’t sustain any inadvertent burns (caucasoids I love yall and I know some of u are bout that spicy lifestyle but some of u might damn near cough out a lung out if we keeping it 600 lol.) The staff had my back. They knew that these negotiations are tough when I attempt to choke down a completely unseasoned chicken breast, as my esophagus will sometimes reject food that hasn’t been bathed in at least two or three different hot sauces. Today’s negotiation went wonderfully. I felt like I was skipping about the room in a tutu lmao pause. Anyway I feel like it’s not much more for me to do out here, bruv. I always felt like an outsider in this corporate ting, but today...I still feel like an outsider 🤗 LMAO BUT THEY HAD MY BACK WITH THE HOT SAUCE AND IMMA REMEMBER THIS DAY FOREVER. NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF THE LITTLE WINS. MamaWeMadeIt BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂

Today I have reached the high point of my career, bruv. No I did not get a promotion. Nor did I get a raise. Did my title change? Also no. C...

Clothes, Dating, and Friends: 77-Year-Old Man Charged For Strangling 23-Year-old Woman On First Date @balleralert 77-Year-Old Man Charged For Strangling 23-Year-old Woman On First Date – blogged by @MsJennyb ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A 77-year-old has been arrested after allegedly strangling a 23-year-old woman on their first date. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ According to reports, the woman told officials that she connected with AlanSchmitt on the Plenty of Fish dating site. But, when the two finally met, she realized he had lied about his age. Although she was not interested in the elderly man, she told him the two could remain friends. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Somehow, Schmitt convinced the woman to come with him to the mall, where Schmitt dropped over $400 worth of clothes on the woman at Victoria’s Secret PINK. After their outing, Schmitt drove the woman back to her home, which is when the incident occurred. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ According to reports, Schmitt demanded that the woman give him back the clothes he bought, including the shirt she had on. When she refused, Schmitt reportedly “grabbed her around the neck and threw her to the ground.” The woman told officials that Schmitt then climbed on top of her and “proceeded to choke her, causing her to struggle to breathe.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Following the incident, officials reported “small bleeding scratches” around the victims neck, but Schmitt provided a different account of the incident. He told officials that the woman “stepped in front of him” and “pushed him in the face,” forcing him to lose balance and reach out, grabbing her neck. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ As a result, Schmitt was charged with felony strangling of another causing wounds or injury.
Clothes, Dating, and Friends: 77-Year-Old Man Charged For Strangling
 23-Year-old Woman On First Date
 @balleralert
77-Year-Old Man Charged For Strangling 23-Year-old Woman On First Date – blogged by @MsJennyb ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A 77-year-old has been arrested after allegedly strangling a 23-year-old woman on their first date. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ According to reports, the woman told officials that she connected with AlanSchmitt on the Plenty of Fish dating site. But, when the two finally met, she realized he had lied about his age. Although she was not interested in the elderly man, she told him the two could remain friends. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Somehow, Schmitt convinced the woman to come with him to the mall, where Schmitt dropped over $400 worth of clothes on the woman at Victoria’s Secret PINK. After their outing, Schmitt drove the woman back to her home, which is when the incident occurred. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ According to reports, Schmitt demanded that the woman give him back the clothes he bought, including the shirt she had on. When she refused, Schmitt reportedly “grabbed her around the neck and threw her to the ground.” The woman told officials that Schmitt then climbed on top of her and “proceeded to choke her, causing her to struggle to breathe.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Following the incident, officials reported “small bleeding scratches” around the victims neck, but Schmitt provided a different account of the incident. He told officials that the woman “stepped in front of him” and “pushed him in the face,” forcing him to lose balance and reach out, grabbing her neck. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ As a result, Schmitt was charged with felony strangling of another causing wounds or injury.

77-Year-Old Man Charged For Strangling 23-Year-old Woman On First Date – blogged by @MsJennyb ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A 77-year-old has been arreste...

Ass, Bad, and Bitch: I seen this on fb & died laughing I wanna suck ya dick trom the back and start sucking it dumb crazy licking ya balls with the tip of my tongue and put ya whole dick in my mouth and let u fuck my throat then I'm gunna with and suck the heac of ya dick dumb nasty til u bust on my bottom lip then I want nibble on the head of ya dick, then I wana spit on ya meat making ya shit wet...i wana suck on ya balls and slurp on the head of ya dick making ya toes curl., .then ima massage on ya balls Who this Sorry wrong number Na this the right number I remember when my mom didn’t buy me a side kick because my grades was ass. I wasn’t a bad student my teacher just be lying when it came to parent teachers conference. The bitch would say I talked to much or was trying to be the class clown and it was disrespect. First of all none of us wanted to even be there and second of all she was about 80 years old she couldn’t even hold a piece of chalk to write on the board. Hand writing looking like a ekg. I wasn’t with the shits. Long story short I saved up some money and bought a sidekick. I had to get the monthly sim card minutes form the Arabs at the corner store. Everyhood got some Arab niggas tryna EXTORT the black community. My boy put me on to this NYC GROUP chat where you would send your age, sex and location. It was the perfect way to fiNNESSE the fuck outta hoes and get your meat tickled. It was late one school night and I was Talking to this one girl on AIM. She told me she lived near me and she was about 19 years old. Boy I was 12 and my dick was stiffer than a corpse. I hit her up smoothly tryna see what she was about. I thought I was freak so I tell her that I wanted to suck in her titles while playing my GameCube. My mom busy in my room cause she heard the door slamming animation form aim. Black mommas hate when you slam the door in they crib. She saw my sidekick light up and took it. I had to fitness and say my friend left it in my bag from school and I was gonna return it. Momma wasn’t buying that shit and took it.I’m going to bed salty as fuck. ( I ain’t know how to beat my meat yet so I was stuck horny). My mom bust in my room 2 minutes later furious, she ain’t know the foolishness I was partaking in. I will never for get what “MizzFabulous71890” sent me back “boy I want you to choke me with your GameCube controller cables and beat my ass cheeks like Kimbl slice. I wanna gargle your nut like listerine and swish it in my mouth like wine. I want to bounce on your dick to the point your balls burst and have you sore the next morning”. Bitch I got PE class tomorrow that’s gonna be painful as fuck. My momma ain’t know I was a freak a leak. I got my ass torn up
Ass, Bad, and Bitch: I seen this on fb & died laughing
 I wanna suck ya dick trom the
 back and start sucking it dumb
 crazy licking ya balls with the
 tip of my tongue and put ya
 whole dick in my mouth and let
 u fuck my throat then I'm
 gunna with and suck the heac
 of ya dick dumb nasty til u bust
 on my bottom lip then I want
 nibble on the head of ya dick,
 then I wana spit on ya meat
 making ya shit wet...i wana
 suck on ya balls and slurp on
 the head of ya dick making ya
 toes curl., .then ima massage
 on ya balls
 Who this
 Sorry wrong number
 Na this the right number
I remember when my mom didn’t buy me a side kick because my grades was ass. I wasn’t a bad student my teacher just be lying when it came to parent teachers conference. The bitch would say I talked to much or was trying to be the class clown and it was disrespect. First of all none of us wanted to even be there and second of all she was about 80 years old she couldn’t even hold a piece of chalk to write on the board. Hand writing looking like a ekg. I wasn’t with the shits. Long story short I saved up some money and bought a sidekick. I had to get the monthly sim card minutes form the Arabs at the corner store. Everyhood got some Arab niggas tryna EXTORT the black community. My boy put me on to this NYC GROUP chat where you would send your age, sex and location. It was the perfect way to fiNNESSE the fuck outta hoes and get your meat tickled. It was late one school night and I was Talking to this one girl on AIM. She told me she lived near me and she was about 19 years old. Boy I was 12 and my dick was stiffer than a corpse. I hit her up smoothly tryna see what she was about. I thought I was freak so I tell her that I wanted to suck in her titles while playing my GameCube. My mom busy in my room cause she heard the door slamming animation form aim. Black mommas hate when you slam the door in they crib. She saw my sidekick light up and took it. I had to fitness and say my friend left it in my bag from school and I was gonna return it. Momma wasn’t buying that shit and took it.I’m going to bed salty as fuck. ( I ain’t know how to beat my meat yet so I was stuck horny). My mom bust in my room 2 minutes later furious, she ain’t know the foolishness I was partaking in. I will never for get what “MizzFabulous71890” sent me back “boy I want you to choke me with your GameCube controller cables and beat my ass cheeks like Kimbl slice. I wanna gargle your nut like listerine and swish it in my mouth like wine. I want to bounce on your dick to the point your balls burst and have you sore the next morning”. Bitch I got PE class tomorrow that’s gonna be painful as fuck. My momma ain’t know I was a freak a leak. I got my ass torn up

I remember when my mom didn’t buy me a side kick because my grades was ass. I wasn’t a bad student my teacher just be lying when it came to ...