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Best Friend, Confused, and Dad: MAMMA, EVER SINCE I SAlV I'M ITALIAN, EVERYONE KEEP4 TEA IN ME AND AGKING IF I'M IN THE MAFIA NEXT TIME TELL THEM THEN THEY WILL FEAK YOU. 2srooky: giancarlovolpe: Based on a true story. this reminds me of a story that’s kind of an ongoing joke in my family.  I’m half German, and my father’s side of the family is full blooded German. My father owns a business that deals with a lot of international calls, and during my early tween years he got a lot of business calls at all hours of the day and night from all over the world.  Now, when i first met my best friends, I had them sleeping over at my house, and we were watching TV. Every few minutes the phone would ring, and our caller ID would project at the top of the television screen.  I was bullied a lot as a kid, so my dad told me to tell people if they asked what my father did, that he was in the German Mafia. So, naturally when my friends asked who was calling, I made the joke it was business cause my dad was in the German Mafia, and the joke stuck.  And it spread, too. Middle school was filled with jokes about my family and the mafia, but they were just jokes. That I was in the mafia, my dad was a mafia boss, etc. etc. Those jokes continued into high school, where, in my junior year I was in a big depressive spell. I wore my hair tied back from my face a lot, and in my history class, these jokes were cracked a little more often as we began our European Studies. One day, my History teacher, the most amazing teacher I had in high school, walked between me and my best friend, as our desks were right next to each other, while we had been making one of these jokes.  He paused, and reached out, tapping my right temple twice while a huge, cheeky grin spread on his face and he just went.  “Good to see you finished your induction.” and walked away. I was confused, my best friend and I were staring at each other for a solid ten minutes before we got back to work.  When I went home that night, I looked up a bunch of stuff about the German Mafia. The German Mafia would often do a tattoo of 3 dots on someone once they had finished their “trials” and were accepted. This was most often done in cases of murder, and other crimes. Where the tattoos were placed meant different things. Hands were the norm, but sometimes a tattoo would be placed on the face.  These tattoos are now mostly outdated, and are usually just prison tattoos done for years/crimes committed in prison, but some branches of Russian, Cuban, and German mafias still use the three dot tattoos.  I was flabbergasted for two reasons. One, that my teacher knew all of this about the German mafia, and, Two, that he pointed out the three freckles on my temple that make a perfect triangle.  For the rest of my Junior and Senior year, the mafia jokes dwindled less and less, because people actually believed I was in the mafia.  I never told them I wasn’t, either.
Best Friend, Confused, and Dad: MAMMA, EVER SINCE
 I SAlV I'M ITALIAN,
 EVERYONE KEEP4
 TEA IN ME AND
 AGKING IF I'M IN THE
 MAFIA

 NEXT TIME
 TELL THEM

 THEN THEY
 WILL FEAK
 YOU.
2srooky:

giancarlovolpe:

Based on a true story.

this reminds me of a story that’s kind of an ongoing joke in my family. 
I’m half German, and my father’s side of the family is full blooded German. My father owns a business that deals with a lot of international calls, and during my early tween years he got a lot of business calls at all hours of the day and night from all over the world. 
Now, when i first met my best friends, I had them sleeping over at my house, and we were watching TV. Every few minutes the phone would ring, and our caller ID would project at the top of the television screen. 
I was bullied a lot as a kid, so my dad told me to tell people if they asked what my father did, that he was in the German Mafia.
So, naturally when my friends asked who was calling, I made the joke it was business cause my dad was in the German Mafia, and the joke stuck. 
And it spread, too. Middle school was filled with jokes about my family and the mafia, but they were just jokes. That I was in the mafia, my dad was a mafia boss, etc. etc.
Those jokes continued into high school, where, in my junior year I was in a big depressive spell. I wore my hair tied back from my face a lot, and in my history class, these jokes were cracked a little more often as we began our European Studies. One day, my History teacher, the most amazing teacher I had in high school, walked between me and my best friend, as our desks were right next to each other, while we had been making one of these jokes. 
He paused, and reached out, tapping my right temple twice while a huge, cheeky grin spread on his face and he just went. 
“Good to see you finished your induction.” and walked away.
I was confused, my best friend and I were staring at each other for a solid ten minutes before we got back to work. 
When I went home that night, I looked up a bunch of stuff about the German Mafia. The German Mafia would often do a tattoo of 3 dots on someone once they had finished their “trials” and were accepted. This was most often done in cases of murder, and other crimes. Where the tattoos were placed meant different things. Hands were the norm, but sometimes a tattoo would be placed on the face. 
These tattoos are now mostly outdated, and are usually just prison tattoos done for years/crimes committed in prison, but some branches of Russian, Cuban, and German mafias still use the three dot tattoos. 
I was flabbergasted for two reasons. One, that my teacher knew all of this about the German mafia, and, Two, that he pointed out the three freckles on my temple that make a perfect triangle. 
For the rest of my Junior and Senior year, the mafia jokes dwindled less and less, because people actually believed I was in the mafia. 
I never told them I wasn’t, either.

2srooky: giancarlovolpe: Based on a true story. this reminds me of a story that’s kind of an ongoing joke in my family.  I’m half German,...

Bored, Confused, and Crush: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses In 5th grade some boys hid my desk in the boys bathroom. I was confused when I got to school and it was missing, so l just sat on the floor and read my book until the teacher came in and made them put it back. I realize now they were trying to trick me into go into the boys bathroom, but no one actually told me that's where my desk was, and it didn't occur to me to ask. Looking back I realize they had to make the effort to get to school early to move it, and I feel a tiny bit of regret for not reacting more biggest-gaudiest-patronuses In 3rd grade Richard brought his new lacrosse set in for show in tell. the ball went missing during class time and at the end of the day we all had to check our bookbags to look for it. I only glanced in mine (I just wanted to go home), but that evening I found it at the bottom of my bag. I was so scared of being blamed, I threw it into the neighbor's yard and never told anyone I found out 2 years later that my bully Luke put it there to frame me, and he was stil extremely frustrated I hadn't gotten caught. I'm pretty sure Richard got a new ball feral-renaissance-cat I had a crush on a boy I met in Kindergarten and made NO attempts to hide it because the people on TV were always telling each other when they liked each other. Didn't work as well as I'd hope (i.e. didn't work AT ALL and no boy wanted to hang out with me ever after that), but that's not the point Skip ahead to third grade. We had a new kid who was kind of a jerk. One day he asks me if I have a crush and I'm like, "Yeah, [Crushl And?" Dude turns around and yells to my crush "Hey! She has a crush on you!" My crush just kinda sighs and is like, "Yeah. I know. Everyone knows. Thanks." So this guy was hoping to embarrass me in front of everyone but it completely backfired because I lack the social filter necessary to feel ashamed of my base desires darkhumourandfandoms One time in like kindergerden some kid stole my shoe and instead if reacting I just went the whole day barefoot. No one questioned it He got bored of no reaction and just dropped the shoe but by then I was too committed and continued to walk around barefoot lycant-guy22 Some of yall grew up with a low base stat of "fucks given" biggest-gaudiest-patronuses damn right we did Source: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
Bored, Confused, and Crush: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
 In 5th grade some boys hid my desk in the
 boys bathroom. I was confused when I got to
 school and it was missing, so l just sat on the
 floor and read my book until the teacher came
 in and made them put it back.
 I realize now they were trying to trick me
 into go into the boys bathroom, but no one
 actually told me that's where my desk was,
 and it didn't occur to me to ask.
 Looking back I realize they had to make the
 effort to get to school early to move it, and I
 feel a tiny bit of regret for not reacting more
 biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
 In 3rd grade Richard brought his new lacrosse
 set in for show in tell. the ball went missing
 during class time and at the end of the day
 we all had to check our bookbags to look for
 it. I only glanced in mine (I just wanted to
 go home), but that evening I found it at the
 bottom of my bag. I was so scared of being
 blamed, I threw it into the neighbor's yard and
 never told anyone
 I found out 2 years later that my bully Luke
 put it there to frame me, and he was stil
 extremely frustrated I hadn't gotten caught.
 I'm pretty sure Richard got a new ball
 feral-renaissance-cat
 I had a crush on a boy I met in Kindergarten
 and made NO attempts to hide it because the
 people on TV were always telling each other
 when they liked each other. Didn't work as well
 as I'd hope (i.e. didn't work AT ALL and no boy
 wanted to hang out with me ever after that),
 but that's not the point
 Skip ahead to third grade. We had a new kid
 who was kind of a jerk. One day he asks me
 if I have a crush and I'm like, "Yeah, [Crushl
 And?" Dude turns around and yells to my
 crush "Hey! She has a crush on you!"
 My crush just kinda sighs and is like, "Yeah. I
 know. Everyone knows. Thanks."
 So this guy was hoping to embarrass me in
 front of everyone but it completely backfired
 because I lack the social filter necessary to
 feel
 ashamed of my base desires
 darkhumourandfandoms
 One time in like kindergerden some kid stole
 my shoe and instead if reacting I just went
 the whole day barefoot. No one questioned it
 He got bored of no reaction and just dropped
 the shoe but by then I was too committed and
 continued to walk around barefoot
 lycant-guy22
 Some of yall grew up with a low base stat of
 "fucks given"
 biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
 damn right we did
 Source: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

Apparently, Confused, and Family: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend's Shower Routine NEWS Local Relationships ISSUE 49-29 Jul 16, 2013 23 Jacob Ferris, 25, has no idea what his girlfriend Sarah uses this rock in her shower for rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed. “I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.” “I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.” Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on. In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix. Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful. “I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.” “There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.” Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time. “It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.” While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower. “I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.” “I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added. At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.
Apparently, Confused, and Family: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend's Shower
 Routine
 NEWS Local Relationships ISSUE 49-29 Jul 16, 2013
 23
 Jacob Ferris, 25, has no idea what his girlfriend Sarah uses this rock in her shower for
rubitrightintomyeyes:
theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath  Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.

rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full exte...

God, Ignorant, and Love: HE WO MAN FE MALE HU MAN PER SON visual-poetry »swofehuperx by richard tipping (+) [vial mitosisisyourtosis men fabricated the idea that they are the default sex to compensate for their biological inferiority and general superfluousness this is not just the natural order this is the language of a patriarchal culture rhysiare Omg no, you are wrong on so many levels and as a linguist this makes me ache something terrible. In my linguistics dass in undergrad, we actually made fun of people who think like you along these lines and for good reason, because you are wholly ignorant and are choosing to spin narratives about things and fields which you know completely nothing about yet pretend you do. 1 She: This word evolved naturally from Old English from seo/heo which were just words to refer to feminine-female people evolving from Proto- Germanic words meaning that/there. He as a word evolved from the same ideas but Proto-Germanic words for thishere, Your idea of patriarchal language further falls apart when you compare this part of English to other Germanic languages, of which English is related, the words in German for he and she are 'er and sie", completely unrelated So it is by clear happenstance, not some patriarchal conspiracy that the words he and "she in English have similar form. 2. Woman: Oh god this one always gets my goat when people go for this one. Man did not used to mean "male", man used to mean humanity/human being, the old words in Old English for male adult person and female adult person were werman and wifman respectively, we can see this relation in words like werewolf and wife as being the remnants of the base "wer- and the base wif-. Woman evolved phonologically from the word wifman by natural processes where the 'f sound dropped and the became lax. Man dropped its wer stem for reasons mostly unknown but I can guarantee have nothing to do with patriarchy because phonological change has no basis in that. 3. Female: Male and Female actually come etymologically from two completely different words. Male comes from Old French masle which meant masculine, while Female came from Old French as well femella which meant young woman. This is another case, just like he and she where the words coincidentally ended up looking similar without having any direct correlation in historical linguistic processes to make them as such 4 Hman: This word etymologically derives from Proto-Indo- European "ghomon which means earthly being as opposed to heavenly being which would refer to gods. You have some small glimmer of hope here in that the word does eventually branch off into the word for man in some languages but this is still too small of a precedent to base any conspiratorial thinking like you are doing off of 5. Person: This one offends me the most, simply because I love the fuck out of Etruscan language and your continued ignorance just irks me at this point. Person derives from persona from Latin which meant the same meaning, which ultimately derived from phersu Etruscan for mask as Etruscans would often have theatre performers use masks to give identity to the performers. So never once did "person have any meaning to do with son So yes, this IS the natural order or language. Please never proselytise your faulty ideology and misandrist thinking within speaking about word origins and morphology again, as unless you actually do fact checking I will school the everloving hell out of you, stay in vour lane. Swofehuper He Man Male Manson
God, Ignorant, and Love: HE
 WO MAN
 FE MALE
 HU MAN
 PER SON
 visual-poetry
 »swofehuperx by richard tipping (+)
 [vial
 mitosisisyourtosis
 men fabricated the idea that they are the default sex to compensate for their
 biological inferiority and general superfluousness
 this is not just the natural order this is the language of a patriarchal culture
 rhysiare
 Omg no, you are wrong on so many levels and as a linguist this makes me
 ache something terrible. In my linguistics dass in undergrad, we actually made
 fun of people who think like you along these lines and for good reason,
 because you are wholly ignorant and are choosing to spin narratives about
 things and fields which you know completely nothing about yet pretend you do.
 1 She: This word evolved naturally from Old English from seo/heo which
 were just words to refer to feminine-female people evolving from Proto-
 Germanic words meaning that/there. He as a word evolved from the
 same ideas but Proto-Germanic words for thishere, Your idea of
 patriarchal language further falls apart when you compare this part of
 English to other Germanic languages, of which English is related, the
 words in German for he and she are 'er and sie", completely unrelated
 So it is by clear happenstance, not some patriarchal conspiracy that the
 words he and "she in English have similar form.
 2. Woman: Oh god this one always gets my goat when people go for this
 one. Man did not used to mean "male", man used to
 mean humanity/human being, the old words in Old English for male
 adult person and female adult person were werman and wifman
 respectively, we can see this relation in words like werewolf and wife as
 being the remnants of the base "wer- and the base wif-. Woman
 evolved phonologically from the word wifman by natural processes
 where the 'f sound dropped and the became lax. Man dropped
 its wer stem for reasons mostly unknown but I can guarantee have
 nothing to do with patriarchy because phonological change has no
 basis in that.
 3. Female: Male and Female actually come etymologically from two
 completely different words. Male comes from Old French masle which
 meant masculine, while Female came from Old French as well femella
 which meant young woman. This is another case, just like he and she
 where the words coincidentally ended up looking similar without having
 any direct correlation in historical linguistic processes to make them as
 such
 4 Hman: This word etymologically derives from Proto-Indo-
 European "ghomon which means earthly being as opposed to heavenly
 being which would refer to gods. You have some small glimmer of hope
 here in that the word does eventually branch off into the word for man
 in some languages but this is still too small of a precedent to base any
 conspiratorial thinking like you are doing off of
 5. Person: This one offends me the most, simply because I love the fuck
 out of Etruscan language and your continued ignorance just irks me at
 this point. Person derives from persona from Latin which meant the
 same meaning, which ultimately derived from phersu Etruscan
 for mask as Etruscans would often have theatre performers use masks
 to give identity to the performers. So never once did "person have any
 meaning to do with son So yes, this IS the natural order or language.
 Please never proselytise your faulty ideology and misandrist thinking within
 speaking about word origins and morphology again, as unless you actually do
 fact checking I will school the everloving hell out of you, stay in vour lane.
Swofehuper He Man Male Manson

Swofehuper He Man Male Manson

Dicks, Fire, and Memes: TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our own. That’s right, it’s time to throw this thing back to February 2010. A simpler time, a time before David Petraeus locked his knees at a senate hearing, and back when you could still tinkle on dead Taliban. omgtakemebackkkk⠀ ⠀ Today we’re talking about every Marine from 6th Reggie’s favorite little town in Afghanistan’s Helmand Province. marjahmarjahmarjah⠀ ⠀ What many of you may not know, however, is that them Gyrenes weren’t the only ones with their dicks in the dirt giving Terry the ol’ whatfor. Case in point, the subject of today’s OAF TBT; Staff Sgt Corey Calkins aka CashMoneyCorey⠀ ⠀ While serving as a weapons sergeant for ODA 3121, Cake Crushin’ Calkins was part of the coalition push through Marjah. On 18 February 2010, he led an assault of ANA troops against a platoon-sized element of Taliban fuckbois at a key intersection near the bazaar in Marjah. While under intense small arms, RPG, and mortar fire, Corey the Cockslapper charged the enemy position like a robust lesbian hopped up on Jack Daniels in a domestic dispute; inspiring his ANA troops to follow and overwhelm the Taliban position. TakeTheirShoes⠀ ⠀ After locking down the intersection and surrounding positions, Corey continued to fuck Terry six ways to Sunday by voluntarily continuing to drive the man-titty-havin’ soyboys out of smalls arms and RPG range so three critically wounded Marines could be evacuated. He aggressively pursued the enemy hotter than the homies in Tekashi 69’s cell block are pursuing his butthole. LemmeTugOnYoDickALilWhile⠀ ⠀ For his actions that day, SSG Calkins was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross and earned himself a lifetime supply of bummed cigs, fat pinches of dip, and near-beers from every Marine in the Ghan. ThereGoesMyHero ⠀ ⠀
Dicks, Fire, and Memes: TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our own. That’s right, it’s time to throw this thing back to February 2010. A simpler time, a time before David Petraeus locked his knees at a senate hearing, and back when you could still tinkle on dead Taliban. omgtakemebackkkk⠀ ⠀ Today we’re talking about every Marine from 6th Reggie’s favorite little town in Afghanistan’s Helmand Province. marjahmarjahmarjah⠀ ⠀ What many of you may not know, however, is that them Gyrenes weren’t the only ones with their dicks in the dirt giving Terry the ol’ whatfor. Case in point, the subject of today’s OAF TBT; Staff Sgt Corey Calkins aka CashMoneyCorey⠀ ⠀ While serving as a weapons sergeant for ODA 3121, Cake Crushin’ Calkins was part of the coalition push through Marjah. On 18 February 2010, he led an assault of ANA troops against a platoon-sized element of Taliban fuckbois at a key intersection near the bazaar in Marjah. While under intense small arms, RPG, and mortar fire, Corey the Cockslapper charged the enemy position like a robust lesbian hopped up on Jack Daniels in a domestic dispute; inspiring his ANA troops to follow and overwhelm the Taliban position. TakeTheirShoes⠀ ⠀ After locking down the intersection and surrounding positions, Corey continued to fuck Terry six ways to Sunday by voluntarily continuing to drive the man-titty-havin’ soyboys out of smalls arms and RPG range so three critically wounded Marines could be evacuated. He aggressively pursued the enemy hotter than the homies in Tekashi 69’s cell block are pursuing his butthole. LemmeTugOnYoDickALilWhile⠀ ⠀ For his actions that day, SSG Calkins was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross and earned himself a lifetime supply of bummed cigs, fat pinches of dip, and near-beers from every Marine in the Ghan. ThereGoesMyHero ⠀ ⠀

TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our...

Bored, Confused, and Crush: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses In 5th grade some boys hid my desk in the boys bathroom. I was confused when I got to school and it was missing, so I just sat on the floor and read my book until the teacher came in and made them put it back I realize now they were trying to trick me into go into the boys bathroom, but no one actually told me that's where my desk was, and it didn't occur to me to ask Looking back I realize they had to make the effort to get to school early to move it, and I feel a tiny bit of regret for not reacting more. -biggest-gaudiest-patronuses In 3rd grade Richard brought his new lacrosse set in for show in tell. the ball went missing during class time and at the end of the day we all had to check our bookbags to look for it. I only glanced in mine (I just wanted to go home), but that evening I found it at the bottom of my bag. I was so scared of being blamed, I threw it into the neighbor's yard and never told anyone. I found out 2 years later that my bully Luke put it there to frame me, and he was still extremely frustrated I hadn't gotten caught. I'm pretty sure Richard got a new ball. feral-renaissance-cat I had a crush on a boy I met in Kindergarten and made NO attempts to hide it because the people on TV were always telling each other when they liked each other. Didn't work as well as I'd hope (i.e. didn't work AT ALL and no boy wanted to hang out with me ever after that), but that's not the point. Skip ahead to third grade. We had a new kid who was kind of a jerk. One day he asks me if I havea crush and I'm like, "Yeah, [Crush]. And?" Dude turns around and yells to my crush "Hey! She has a crush on you My crush just kinda sighs and is like, "Yeah. I know. Everyone knows. Thanks." So this guy was hoping to embarrass me in front of everyone but it completely backfired because I lack the social filter necessary to feel ashamed of my base desires. darkhumourandfandoms One time in like kindergerden some kid stole my shoe and instead if reacting I just went the whole day barefoot. No one questioned it. He got bored of no reaction and just dropped the shoe but by then I was too committed and continued to walk around barefoot. lycant-guy22 Some of yall grew up with a low base stat of "fucks given" The Zero Fucks Given crowd
Bored, Confused, and Crush: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
 In 5th grade some boys hid my desk in the boys
 bathroom. I was confused when I got to school and it
 was missing, so I just sat on the floor and read my
 book until the teacher came in and made them put it
 back
 I realize now they were trying to trick me into go into
 the boys bathroom, but no one actually told me
 that's where my desk was, and it didn't occur to me
 to ask
 Looking back I realize they had to make the effort to
 get to school early to move it, and I feel a tiny bit of
 regret for not reacting more.
 -biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
 In 3rd grade Richard brought his new lacrosse set in
 for show in tell. the ball went missing during class
 time and at the end of the day we all had to check
 our bookbags to look for it. I only glanced in mine (I
 just wanted to go home), but that evening I found it
 at the bottom of my bag. I was so scared of being
 blamed, I threw it into the neighbor's yard and never
 told anyone.
 I found out 2 years later that my bully Luke put it
 there to frame me, and he was still extremely
 frustrated I hadn't gotten caught.
 I'm pretty sure Richard got a new ball.
 feral-renaissance-cat
 I had a crush on a boy I met in Kindergarten and
 made NO attempts to hide it because the people on
 TV were always telling each other when they liked
 each other. Didn't work as well as I'd hope (i.e. didn't
 work AT ALL and no boy wanted to hang out with me
 ever after that), but that's not the point.
 Skip ahead to third grade. We had a new kid who
 was kind of a jerk. One day he asks me if I havea
 crush and I'm like, "Yeah, [Crush]. And?" Dude turns
 around and yells to my crush "Hey! She has a crush
 on you
 My crush just kinda sighs and is like, "Yeah. I know.
 Everyone knows. Thanks."
 So this guy was hoping to embarrass me in front of
 everyone but it completely backfired because I lack
 the social filter necessary to feel ashamed of my
 base desires.
 darkhumourandfandoms
 One time in like kindergerden some kid stole my
 shoe and instead if reacting I just went the whole day
 barefoot. No one questioned it. He got bored of no
 reaction and just dropped the shoe but by then I was
 too committed and continued to walk around
 barefoot.
 lycant-guy22
 Some of yall grew up with a low base stat of "fucks
 given"
The Zero Fucks Given crowd

The Zero Fucks Given crowd

Ether, Netflix, and Parks and Recreation: This is probably the best customer service exchange ever... Netflix Customer Service You are now chatting with: Michael 16 minutes ago You I have a problem to report Netilix Michael This is Cpt. Mike of the good ship Netfiox, which member of the crew am I speaking with 6 minutes ag 6 minutes ag You 6 minutes ago Greetings, Captain. Lt. Norm here 15 minutes ago Engineering has a problem to report Netflix Michael LT, what seems to be the problem? 15 minutes ago 5 minutes ag Visual displays are erratic, sir 4 minutes ago season 5, episode 13 of Parks and Recreation is behaving oddly Netflix Michael How so, LT? You at 5 minutes of operation You 4 minutes ago 4 minutes ago 14 minutes ago 4 minutes ago the visual creates a temporal loop 4 minutes ag and nearly 3 seconds of footage repeats over and over again 3 minutes ago Our ship seems to be immune to the eflect, as our lves are not actually repeating over and over Netflix Michael Oh, no. LTI told you no watching Netfiox while we sail through the Burmuda Triangle. ) 3 minstes a 3 minutes ago Dammit, m an engineer, not a navigator Netflix Michael 3 minutes ago 2 minutes ago We are not sure whether our instruments are at fault, or if some anomaly is present Netflix Micha LT Norm, does this happen at any other points on any other shows? minutes ago 11 สunutes ago But, this temporal loop has occurred at the same place on three separate days You no other episodes of ether Parks and Rec or other shows have been affected You We have attempted restarting the episode from the beginning, and she didn't budge minutes ag 0 minutes ago 0 minutes ago Netflix Micha LT. that is no good at all. 0 minutes ag We also attempted to start the episode "after the anomaly, and we were pulled back in and the loop continued minsites ag Ok. I will get this issue fagged so our techs can look at it minutes ag Worst of all, Captain.. the dalogue . It looped over Councilwoman Knope saying, This s real lide. This is real Ide. This is real lde WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Netflix Michal minutes ag HAHA Netlix Michal That is a homible place to get stuck Netflix Michaal Councilwoman Knope is such a worrier minutes ag 8 minutes ago 1 minutes ag Indeed, Captain. Netlix Michael 0 minutes ago 0 minutes ago [Oh, also, your report a problem with streaming wasn't working a minute ago. Hence this chat, which also happens to be best customer senice experience I think I have ever minutes ago Well thank you. Netllix Michael We got that reported on our end minutes ag minutes ago This needs to go on a blog somewhere minutes ag you will get a prompt to receive a transcript of this conversation when we are done. 8minutes ago Netflix Michael LT Norm, are there any other Netflix issues I could help you with today? You I almost wish there were minutes ago 7 minutes ago minutes ago Hehe:) Have a wonderful night. And one more thing, if you wouldn't mind, please stay online for a one question survey You minutes ago This chat session has ended you satisfied with your Netflix experience? No Thanks for your feedback you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com lolzandtrollz:Guy Goes Online To Complain, The Best Thing Happens
Ether, Netflix, and Parks and Recreation: This is probably the best customer
 service exchange ever...
 Netflix Customer Service
 You are now chatting with: Michael
 16 minutes ago
 You
 I have a problem to report
 Netilix Michael
 This is Cpt. Mike of the good ship Netfiox, which member of the crew am I speaking with
 6 minutes ag
 6 minutes ag
 You
 6 minutes ago
 Greetings, Captain. Lt. Norm here
 15 minutes ago
 Engineering has a problem to report
 Netflix Michael
 LT, what seems to be the problem?
 15 minutes ago
 5 minutes ag
 Visual displays are erratic, sir
 4 minutes ago
 season 5, episode 13 of Parks and Recreation is behaving oddly
 Netflix Michael
 How so, LT?
 You
 at 5 minutes of operation
 You
 4 minutes ago
 4 minutes ago
 14 minutes ago
 4 minutes ago
 the visual creates a temporal loop
 4 minutes ag
 and nearly 3 seconds of footage repeats over and over again
 3 minutes ago
 Our ship seems to be immune to the eflect, as our lves are not actually repeating over
 and over
 Netflix Michael
 Oh, no. LTI told you no watching Netfiox while we sail through the Burmuda Triangle. )
 3 minstes a
 3 minutes ago
 Dammit, m an engineer, not a navigator
 Netflix Michael
 3 minutes ago
 2 minutes ago
 We are not sure whether our instruments are at fault, or if some anomaly is present
 Netflix Micha
 LT Norm, does this happen at any other points on any other shows?
 minutes ago
 11 สunutes ago
 But, this temporal loop has occurred at the same place on three separate days
 You
 no other episodes of ether Parks and Rec or other shows have been affected
 You
 We have attempted restarting the episode from the beginning, and she didn't budge
 minutes ag
 0 minutes ago
 0 minutes ago
 Netflix Micha
 LT. that is no good at all.
 0 minutes ag
 We also attempted to start the episode "after the anomaly, and we were pulled back in
 and the loop continued
 minsites ag
 Ok. I will get this issue fagged so our techs can look at it
 minutes ag
 Worst of all, Captain.. the dalogue . It looped over Councilwoman Knope saying, This
 s real lide. This is real Ide. This is real lde WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
 Netflix Michal
 minutes ag
 HAHA
 Netlix Michal
 That is a homible place to get stuck
 Netflix Michaal
 Councilwoman Knope is such a worrier
 minutes ag
 8 minutes ago
 1 minutes ag
 Indeed, Captain.
 Netlix Michael
 0 minutes ago
 0 minutes ago
 [Oh, also, your report a problem with streaming wasn't working a minute ago. Hence
 this chat, which also happens to be best customer senice experience I think I have ever
 minutes ago
 Well thank you.
 Netllix Michael
 We got that reported on our end
 minutes ag
 minutes ago
 This needs to go on a blog somewhere
 minutes ag
 you will get a prompt to receive a transcript of this conversation when we are done.
 8minutes ago
 Netflix Michael
 LT Norm, are there any other Netflix issues I could help you with today?
 You
 I almost wish there were
 minutes ago
 7 minutes ago
 minutes ago
 Hehe:) Have a wonderful night. And one more thing, if you wouldn't mind, please stay
 online for a one question survey
 You
 minutes ago
 This chat session has ended
 you satisfied with
 your Netflix experience?
 No
 Thanks for your feedback
 you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com
lolzandtrollz:Guy Goes Online To Complain, The Best Thing Happens

lolzandtrollz:Guy Goes Online To Complain, The Best Thing Happens

Bored, Confused, and Crush: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses In 5th grade some boys hid my desk in the boys bathroom. I was confused when I got to school and it was missing, so I just sat on the floor and read my book until the teacher came in and made them put it back. I realize now they were trying to trick me into go into the boys bathroom, but no one actually told me that's where my desk was, and it didn't occur to me to ask Looking back I realize they had to make the effort to get to school early to move it, and l feel a tiny bit of regret for not reacting more biggest-gaudiest-patronuse:s In 3rd grade Richard brought his new lacrosse set in for show in tell. the ball went missing during class time and at the end of the day we all had to check our bookbags to look for it. I only glanced in mine (I just wanted to go home), but that evening I found it at the bottom of my bag. I was so scared of being blamed, I threw it into the neighbor's yard and never told anyone I found out 2 years later that my bully Luke put it there to frame me, and he was still extremely frustrated I hadn't gotten caught I'm pretty sure Richard got a new ball. feral-renaissance-cat I had a crush on a boy I met in Kindergarten and made NO attempts to hide it because the people on TV were always telling each other when they liked each other. Didn't work as well as I'd hope (i.e. didn't work AT ALL and no boy wanted to hang out with me ever after that) but that's not the point Skip ahead to third grade. We had a new kid who was kind of a jerk. One day he asks me if I have a crush and I'm like, "Yeah, [Crush] And?" Dude turns around and yells to my crush "Hey! She has a crush on you!" My crush just kinda sighs and is like, "Yeah. I know. Everyone knows. Thanks." So this guy was hoping to embarrass me in front of everyone but it completely backfired because I lack the social filter necessary to feel ashamed of my base desires darkhumourandfandoms One time in like kindergerden some kid stole my shoe and instead if reacting I just went the whole day barefoot. No one questioned it. He got bored of no reaction and just dropped the shoe but by then I was too committed and continued to walk around barefoot lycant-guy22 Some of yall grew up with a low base stat of "fucks given" biggest-gaudiest-patronuses damn right we did Source: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses No fucks given
Bored, Confused, and Crush: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
 In 5th grade some boys hid my desk in the
 boys bathroom. I was confused when I got to
 school and it was missing, so I just sat on the
 floor and read my book until the teacher came
 in and made them put it back.
 I realize now they were trying to trick me
 into go into the boys bathroom, but no one
 actually told me that's where my desk was,
 and it didn't occur to me to ask
 Looking back I realize they had to make the
 effort to get to school early to move it, and l
 feel a tiny bit of regret for not reacting more
 biggest-gaudiest-patronuse:s
 In 3rd grade Richard brought his new lacrosse
 set in for show in tell. the ball went missing
 during class time and at the end of the day
 we all had to check our bookbags to look for
 it. I only glanced in mine (I just wanted to
 go home), but that evening I found it at the
 bottom of my bag. I was so scared of being
 blamed, I threw it into the neighbor's yard and
 never told anyone
 I found out 2 years later that my bully Luke
 put it there to frame me, and he was still
 extremely frustrated I hadn't gotten caught
 I'm pretty sure Richard got a new ball.
 feral-renaissance-cat
 I had a crush on a boy I met in Kindergarten
 and made NO attempts to hide it because the
 people on TV were always telling each other
 when they liked each other. Didn't work as well
 as I'd hope (i.e. didn't work AT ALL and no boy
 wanted to hang out with me ever after that)
 but that's not the point
 Skip ahead to third grade. We had a new kid
 who was kind of a jerk. One day he asks me
 if I have a crush and I'm like, "Yeah, [Crush]
 And?" Dude turns around and yells to my
 crush "Hey! She has a crush on you!"
 My crush just kinda sighs and is like, "Yeah. I
 know. Everyone knows. Thanks."
 So this guy was hoping to embarrass me in
 front of everyone but it completely backfired
 because I lack the social filter necessary to
 feel ashamed of my base desires
 darkhumourandfandoms
 One time in like kindergerden some kid stole
 my shoe and instead if reacting I just went
 the whole day barefoot. No one questioned it.
 He got bored of no reaction and just dropped
 the shoe but by then I was too committed and
 continued to walk around barefoot
 lycant-guy22
 Some of yall grew up with a low base stat of
 "fucks given"
 biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
 damn right we did
 Source: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
No fucks given

No fucks given

Church, Doctor, and Fucking: 5909 "I decided that never again would there be a pregnant woman in Auschwitz." patron-saint-of-smart-asses: everybody-look-right: washingtonstateconservative: ctrlgeek: webbgirl34: thebigsisteryouneveraskedfor: Gisella Perl was forced to work as a doctor in Auschwitz concentration camp during the holocaust. She was ordered to report ever pregnant women do the physician Dr. Josef Mengele, who would then use the women for cruel experiments (e.g. vivisections) before killing them. She saved hundreds of women by performing abortions on them before their pregnancy was discovered, without having access to basic medical supplies. She became known as the “Angel of Auschwitz”. After being rescued from Bergen-Belsen concentration camp she tried to commit suicide, but survived, recovered and kept working as a gynecologist, delivering more than 3000 babies. I want to nail this to the forehead of every anti-abortionist who uses the word “Holocaust” when talking about legal abortions. Yeah… she became a gynecologist and was extremely pro-life after she got out of the camps. In an interview with Nadine Brozan for the New York Times in 1982, Dr. Perl recalled her initial experiences with Dr. Mengele’s “cure” for pregnancy in Auschwitz. ”Dr. Mengele told me that it was my duty to report every pregnant woman to him,” Dr. Perl said. ”He said that they would go to another camp for better nutrition, even for milk. So women began to run directly to him, telling him, ‘I am pregnant.’ I learned that they were all taken to the research block to be used as guinea pigs, and then two lives would be thrown into the crematorium. I decided that never again would there be a pregnant woman in Auschwitz.” Let’s analyze the situation: mother and child alike were both going to be killed anyway if the pregnancy was discovered. Leaving wasn’t an option. Freedom was nonexistent, and the perspectives of all involved were colored by living in hell on earth.   After the war, she dedicated her life to Holocaust remembrance, infertility treatment, and delivering babies – not destroying them. The New York Times quotes her as saying, “No one will ever know what it meant to me to destroy those babies, but if I had not done it, both mother and child would have been cruelly murdered.” Perl never pretended they weren’t babies, that their lives didn’t matter, or that their deaths weren’t cruel. Holy crap. I literally got a ton of shit a few months ago for saying that maybe, just maybe, Perl’s actions don’t justify abortion as a whole. Well, it goes to show that I should’ve done more research, to find out  that Perl herself doesn’t pretend that was she did was right, or that it justifies abortion now. There was another woman, a midwife, who was devout Catholic and helped to care for pregnant women and hide the babies, and continued her work in midwifery after the war. Last I heard she was in the canonization process in the Catholic Church. Fucking THANK YOU I’m so tired of pro-choicers using her as a “gotcha”. She had to do a terrible thing in a terrible circumstance. That has literally no relation to first world abortion legislation today.
Church, Doctor, and Fucking: 5909
 "I decided that
 never again would
 there be a
 pregnant woman
 in Auschwitz."
patron-saint-of-smart-asses:

everybody-look-right:
washingtonstateconservative:

ctrlgeek:

webbgirl34:

thebigsisteryouneveraskedfor:

Gisella Perl was forced to work as a doctor in Auschwitz concentration camp during the holocaust.
She was ordered to report ever pregnant women do the physician Dr. Josef Mengele, who would then use the women for cruel experiments (e.g. vivisections) before killing them.
She saved hundreds of women by performing abortions on them before their pregnancy was discovered, without having access to basic medical supplies. She became known as the “Angel of Auschwitz”.
After being rescued from Bergen-Belsen concentration camp she tried to commit suicide, but survived, recovered and kept working as a gynecologist, delivering more than 3000 babies.

I want to nail this to the forehead of every anti-abortionist who uses the word “Holocaust” when talking about legal abortions.

Yeah… she became a gynecologist and was extremely pro-life after she got out of the camps.

In an interview with Nadine Brozan for the New York Times in 1982, Dr. Perl recalled her initial experiences with Dr. Mengele’s “cure” for pregnancy in Auschwitz. ”Dr. Mengele told me that it was my duty to report every pregnant woman to him,” Dr. Perl said. ”He said that they would go to another camp for better nutrition, even for milk. So women began to run directly to him, telling him, ‘I am pregnant.’ I learned that they were all taken to the research block to be used as guinea pigs, and then two lives would be thrown into the crematorium. I decided that never again would there be a pregnant woman in Auschwitz.”
Let’s analyze the situation: mother and child alike were both going to be killed anyway if the pregnancy was discovered. Leaving wasn’t an option. Freedom was nonexistent, and the perspectives of all involved were colored by living in hell on earth. 
 After the war, she dedicated her life to Holocaust remembrance, infertility treatment, and delivering babies – not destroying them. The New York Times quotes her as saying, “No one will ever know what it meant to me to destroy those babies, but if I had not done it, both mother and child would have been cruelly murdered.” Perl never pretended they weren’t babies, that their lives didn’t matter, or that their deaths weren’t cruel.

Holy crap. I literally got a ton of shit a few months ago for saying that maybe, just maybe, Perl’s actions don’t justify abortion as a whole. Well, it goes to show that I should’ve done more research, to find out  that Perl herself doesn’t pretend that was she did was right, or that it justifies abortion now.

There was another woman, a midwife, who was devout Catholic and helped to care for pregnant women and hide the babies, and continued her work in midwifery after the war. Last I heard she was in the canonization process in the Catholic Church.

Fucking THANK YOU I’m so tired of pro-choicers using her as a “gotcha”. She had to do a terrible thing in a terrible circumstance. That has literally no relation to first world abortion legislation today.

patron-saint-of-smart-asses: everybody-look-right: washingtonstateconservative: ctrlgeek: webbgirl34: thebigsisteryouneveraskedfor: Gis...