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Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration
Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration

feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a...

Ass, Meme, and Tumblr: WHARRGARBL WHARRGARBL WHARRGARBL ghostcongregation:this is an old-ass meme but the humor is very 2017. this could have been made yesterday
Ass, Meme, and Tumblr: WHARRGARBL
 WHARRGARBL
 WHARRGARBL
ghostcongregation:this is an old-ass meme but the humor is very 2017. this could have been made yesterday

ghostcongregation:this is an old-ass meme but the humor is very 2017. this could have been made yesterday

Bad, Fucking, and Head: Literally nobody wanted a new background color on Tumblr It's just a color change. Nobody cares. Many people rely on higher levels of contrast in order to read due to vision-related disabilities. Now they can. Other people have different disabilities where higher levels of contrast can cause migraines or seizures. This was a bad idea. heres no one Size fits all solution for accessibility, but at least they made an effort to follow Web Content Accessibility Guidelines. hey are in direct violation of other parts of WCAG. They should meet all standards, not just convenient ones WCAG has only been widely accepted for six years. Adoption takes time, and something is better than nothing. Standards don't exist in a vacuum. You need to talk to people with a variety of disabilities to ensure actual accessibility. This likely was not primarily prompted by compassion, but by digital accessibility lawsuits in the news, like the Domino's app case All of this could have been avoided by creating multiple color schemes, like many of their competitors do User choice leads to user satisfaction. Let people set up their own colors. This silly meme I made to vent my frustration probably put in more thought about this than all of Staff did. Meanwhile, there are still fucking Nazis here. youcannotnotbereal: This all went through my head in like four seconds. Image description below the cut. Keep reading
Bad, Fucking, and Head: Literally nobody
 wanted a new
 background color
 on Tumblr
 It's just a color change.
 Nobody cares.
 Many people rely on
 higher levels of
 contrast in order
 to read due to
 vision-related
 disabilities. Now they can.
 Other people have
 different disabilities where
 higher levels of
 contrast can cause
 migraines or seizures. This
 was a bad idea.

 heres no one Size fits
 all solution for
 accessibility, but at
 least they made an
 effort to follow Web
 Content Accessibility
 Guidelines.
 hey are in direct
 violation of other parts
 of WCAG. They
 should meet all
 standards, not just
 convenient ones
 WCAG has only been
 widely accepted for
 six years.
 Adoption takes time,
 and something is
 better than nothing.
 Standards don't exist
 in a vacuum. You
 need to talk to people
 with a variety of
 disabilities to ensure
 actual accessibility.

 This likely was not primarily
 prompted by compassion,
 but by digital accessibility
 lawsuits in the news, like
 the Domino's app case
 All of this could have
 been avoided by
 creating multiple color
 schemes, like many
 of their competitors do
 User choice leads to
 user satisfaction. Let
 people set up their
 own colors.
 This silly meme I made
 to vent my frustration
 probably put in more
 thought about this
 than all of Staff did.

 Meanwhile, there
 are still
 fucking
 Nazis here.
youcannotnotbereal:

This all went through my head in like four seconds.
Image description below the cut. Keep reading

youcannotnotbereal: This all went through my head in like four seconds. Image description below the cut. Keep reading

Bad, Fucking, and Head: Literally nobody wanted a new background color on Tumblr It's just a color change. Nobody cares. Many people rely on higher levels of contrast in order to read due to vision-related disabilities. Now they can. Other people have different disabilities where higher levels of contrast can cause migraines or seizures. This was a bad idea. heres no one Size fits all solution for accessibility, but at least they made an effort to follow Web Content Accessibility Guidelines. hey are in direct violation of other parts of WCAG. They should meet all standards, not just convenient ones WCAG has only been widely accepted for six years. Adoption takes time, and something is better than nothing. Standards don't exist in a vacuum. You need to talk to people with a variety of disabilities to ensure actual accessibility. This likely was not primarily prompted by compassion, but by digital accessibility lawsuits in the news, like the Domino's app case All of this could have been avoided by creating multiple color schemes, like many of their competitors do User choice leads to user satisfaction. Let people set up their own colors. This silly meme I made to vent my frustration probably put in more thought about this than all of Staff did. Meanwhile, there are still fucking Nazis here. youcannotnotbereal: This all went through my head in like four seconds. Image description below the cut. Keep reading
Bad, Fucking, and Head: Literally nobody
 wanted a new
 background color
 on Tumblr
 It's just a color change.
 Nobody cares.
 Many people rely on
 higher levels of
 contrast in order
 to read due to
 vision-related
 disabilities. Now they can.
 Other people have
 different disabilities where
 higher levels of
 contrast can cause
 migraines or seizures. This
 was a bad idea.

 heres no one Size fits
 all solution for
 accessibility, but at
 least they made an
 effort to follow Web
 Content Accessibility
 Guidelines.
 hey are in direct
 violation of other parts
 of WCAG. They
 should meet all
 standards, not just
 convenient ones
 WCAG has only been
 widely accepted for
 six years.
 Adoption takes time,
 and something is
 better than nothing.
 Standards don't exist
 in a vacuum. You
 need to talk to people
 with a variety of
 disabilities to ensure
 actual accessibility.

 This likely was not primarily
 prompted by compassion,
 but by digital accessibility
 lawsuits in the news, like
 the Domino's app case
 All of this could have
 been avoided by
 creating multiple color
 schemes, like many
 of their competitors do
 User choice leads to
 user satisfaction. Let
 people set up their
 own colors.
 This silly meme I made
 to vent my frustration
 probably put in more
 thought about this
 than all of Staff did.

 Meanwhile, there
 are still
 fucking
 Nazis here.
youcannotnotbereal:
This all went through my head in like four seconds.
Image description below the cut. Keep reading

youcannotnotbereal: This all went through my head in like four seconds. Image description below the cut. Keep reading

Asian, Dragonball, and Fucking: Rahul Kohli @RahulKohli13 Following Scarlett Johansson IMDb@IMDb Who would play you in the movie about your life? Rahul Kohli o Following @RahulKohli13 I did it for "likes" actually Kira Figs @KiraFigs You're an actor too. God forbid you choose a role that people don't agree with and become the target for unwanted jokes. Great way to perpetuate the bullying and harassment of a fellow actress just for retweetstwitter.com/RahulKohli13/s... Rahul Kohli @RahulKohli13 Following I kicked the hornet's nest. I'm so sorry to any of her fans I offended with that joke I made. I'm actually a big fan and I wish her all the best #Scarlett4Mulan Victoria Loves Scarlett and Kimberly @AlianovnaArmy Replying to @RahulKohli 13 Oh for fuck sake, Are y'all seriously keep bringing that back? She did not played an asian! She played A FUCKING ROBOT! A Robot has no nationality, do you know what means, Major could have been played by anyone, do you understand? omg Rahul Kohli @RahulKohli13 Following May I answer this one? Because I'm Asian. Shani dead after A4 trailer @Natasha_Rogers Why would she choose to play a nobody? Who is this? twitter.com/rahulkohli13/s... Rahul Kohli @RahulKohli13 Following Okay that's enough twitter for me tonight. I get anxious when I tweet a joke and people get upset. Imma get back to my script INT. THE KOHLI HOUSE DAY Rahul Kohli's parents sit in the living room, Rama (Emma Stone) and Satish (Tilda Swinton) watch Dragonball Evolution. rocktheholygrail: OOOOOOOOOOOOOH
Asian, Dragonball, and Fucking: Rahul Kohli
 @RahulKohli13
 Following
 Scarlett Johansson
 IMDb@IMDb
 Who would play you in the movie about your life?

 Rahul Kohli o
 Following
 @RahulKohli13
 I did it for "likes" actually
 Kira Figs @KiraFigs
 You're an actor too. God forbid you choose a role that people don't agree with and
 become the target for unwanted jokes. Great way to perpetuate the bullying and
 harassment of a fellow actress just for retweetstwitter.com/RahulKohli13/s...

 Rahul Kohli
 @RahulKohli13
 Following
 I kicked the hornet's nest. I'm so sorry to any
 of her fans I offended with that joke I made.
 I'm actually a big fan and I wish her all the
 best
 #Scarlett4Mulan
 Victoria Loves Scarlett and Kimberly @AlianovnaArmy
 Replying to @RahulKohli 13
 Oh for fuck sake, Are y'all seriously keep bringing that back? She did not played an
 asian! She played A FUCKING ROBOT! A Robot has no nationality, do you know what
 means, Major could have been played by anyone, do you understand? omg

 Rahul Kohli
 @RahulKohli13
 Following
 May I answer this one?
 Because I'm Asian.
 Shani dead after A4 trailer @Natasha_Rogers
 Why would she choose to play a nobody? Who is this?
 twitter.com/rahulkohli13/s...

 Rahul Kohli
 @RahulKohli13
 Following
 Okay that's enough twitter for me tonight. I
 get anxious when I tweet a joke and people
 get upset. Imma get back to my script
 INT. THE KOHLI HOUSE DAY
 Rahul Kohli's parents sit in the living room,
 Rama (Emma Stone) and Satish (Tilda
 Swinton) watch Dragonball Evolution.
rocktheholygrail:
OOOOOOOOOOOOOH

rocktheholygrail: OOOOOOOOOOOOOH