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decided: flock-talk:I found a faux fur decor thing in a box so I tossed it on the couch today and Newt decided it was the most luxurious thing possible
 decided: flock-talk:I found a faux fur decor thing in a box so I tossed it on the couch today and Newt decided it was the most luxurious thing possible

flock-talk:I found a faux fur decor thing in a box so I tossed it on the couch today and Newt decided it was the most luxurious thing pos...

decided: inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes. Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D
 decided: inquisitorhotpants:

burntcopper:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat. 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy. 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes.

Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D

inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: so...

decided: justcatposts: “My cat decided to arrive at precisely the right moment during story time with my daughter.”(Source)
 decided: justcatposts:

“My cat decided to arrive at precisely the right moment during story time with my daughter.”(Source)

justcatposts: “My cat decided to arrive at precisely the right moment during story time with my daughter.”(Source)

decided: justcatposts: “My neighbor’s cat has decided that we’re friends, and now demands pet tax whenever I get home. Today I did not move fast enough.”(Source)
 decided: justcatposts:

“My neighbor’s cat has decided that we’re friends, and now demands pet tax whenever I get home. Today I did not move fast enough.”(Source)

justcatposts: “My neighbor’s cat has decided that we’re friends, and now demands pet tax whenever I get home. Today I did not move fast...

decided: undergroundwubwubmaster: Female yautja inspired by Predator Hunting Grounds - more precisely, the female predators in that are so boring and safe looking i decided to ignore them and do my own thing.
 decided: undergroundwubwubmaster:

Female yautja inspired by Predator Hunting Grounds - more precisely, the female predators in that are so boring and safe looking i decided to ignore them and do my own thing.

undergroundwubwubmaster: Female yautja inspired by Predator Hunting Grounds - more precisely, the female predators in that are so boring...

decided: My Granny has cooked me and my bro “boy cake” since i was a toddler. After 10 years shes decided to upgrade us
 decided: My Granny has cooked me and my bro “boy cake” since i was a toddler. After 10 years shes decided to upgrade us

My Granny has cooked me and my bro “boy cake” since i was a toddler. After 10 years shes decided to upgrade us

decided: Decided to finally post a meme, hope u enjoy
 decided: Decided to finally post a meme, hope u enjoy

Decided to finally post a meme, hope u enjoy

decided: Decided to finally post a meme, hope u enjoy by retro152 MORE MEMES
 decided: Decided to finally post a meme, hope u enjoy by retro152
MORE MEMES

Decided to finally post a meme, hope u enjoy by retro152 MORE MEMES

decided: uncleromeo: aphrican-aphrodite: critical-gemini-hero: socialistexan: theboykingofhell: lagonegirl: I hope he wins the lawsuit, a police officer was finally doing the right thing and they penalize him for not being a racist monster! his name is stephen mader and not only did he refuse to shoot, he actively wanted to help the man (ronald ‘rj’ williams) because he could tell that he was only acting out because of mental illness. rj williams was suicidal and holding an unloaded gun and, while mader didn’t shoot him, a fellow officer (ryan kuzma) did and murdered him on the spot. here is the source and here’s to hoping rj williams gets justice “Saying the words ‘Just shoot me’ sent up the red flag that he was just trying to harm himself and no one else … That’s what made me make my decision. He needed help” I hate this fucking world. The guy was actually trying to do his job by actually desculating the situation the right way (desculating these days apparently just means shoot them) and was fired for “failing to eliminate a threat.” HE WON THE LAWSUIT AND GOT $175,000 I read this whole story. It is wild !! The conversations between him and his ex coworkers about what went down that day 😧😶 Listen to it all here: What Happened When A White Cop Decided Not to Shoot a Black Man when I say there are no good cops, this is part of the reason why. “good cops” lose their jobs for doing the right thing. “good cops” die mysteriously after whistleblowing. “good cops” are forced to choose between their livelihood and becoming just like the rest.
 decided: uncleromeo:

aphrican-aphrodite:


critical-gemini-hero:

socialistexan:

theboykingofhell:

lagonegirl:


I hope he wins the lawsuit, a police officer was finally doing the right thing and they penalize him for not being a racist monster!


his name is stephen mader and not only did he refuse to shoot, he actively wanted to help the man (ronald ‘rj’ williams) because he could tell that he was only acting out because of mental illness. rj williams was suicidal and holding an unloaded gun and, while mader didn’t shoot him, a fellow officer (ryan kuzma) did and murdered him on the spot. here is the source and here’s to hoping rj williams gets justice


“Saying the words ‘Just shoot me’ sent up the red flag that he was just trying to harm himself and no one else … That’s what made me make my decision. He needed help” I hate this fucking world. The guy was actually trying to do his job by actually desculating the situation the right way (desculating these days apparently just means shoot them) and was fired for “failing to eliminate a threat.”

HE WON THE LAWSUIT AND GOT $175,000 


I read this whole story. It is wild !! The conversations between him and his ex coworkers about what went down that day 😧😶
Listen to it all here: 
What Happened When A White Cop Decided Not to Shoot a Black Man


when I say there are no good cops, this is part of the reason why. 
“good cops” lose their jobs for doing the right thing. 
“good cops” die mysteriously after whistleblowing. 
“good cops” are forced to choose between their livelihood and becoming just like the rest.

uncleromeo: aphrican-aphrodite: critical-gemini-hero: socialistexan: theboykingofhell: lagonegirl: I hope he wins the lawsuit, a...

decided: I decided to get sober during the quarantine. My 30 day chip arrived today with this message
 decided: I decided to get sober during the quarantine. My 30 day chip arrived today with this message

I decided to get sober during the quarantine. My 30 day chip arrived today with this message

decided: I decided to get sober during the quarantine. My 30 day chip arrived today with this message
 decided: I decided to get sober during the quarantine. My 30 day chip arrived today with this message

I decided to get sober during the quarantine. My 30 day chip arrived today with this message

decided: Two foxes have decided to take advantage of the UK lockdown and use my friends garden to raise their cubs. (Source)
 decided: Two foxes have decided to take advantage of the UK lockdown and use my friends garden to raise their cubs. (Source)

Two foxes have decided to take advantage of the UK lockdown and use my friends garden to raise their cubs. (Source)

decided: Saw this tire and decided to make my first meme
 decided: Saw this tire and decided to make my first meme

Saw this tire and decided to make my first meme

decided: justcatposts: “My neighbor’s cat has decided that we’re friends, and now demands pet tax whenever I get home. Today I did not move fast enough.”(Source)
 decided: justcatposts:

“My neighbor’s cat has decided that we’re friends, and now demands pet tax whenever I get home. Today I did not move fast enough.”(Source)

justcatposts: “My neighbor’s cat has decided that we’re friends, and now demands pet tax whenever I get home. Today I did not move fast...

decided: lazyshoes: libertarirynn: julad: thisdiscontentedwinter: salparadisewasright: sapphicdalliances: jonpertwee: hamfistedbunvendor: jonpertwee: I feel like this would be a slippery slope towards making it illegal for people to choose to not vote. that’s already how it is in australia That’s just so fucked up. :( Do certain medical conditions exempt you? ?????? why is it be fucked up to have compulsory voting? that’s the way it is in most democratic countries? it’s a part of being a citizen, like paying taxes and obeying speed limits? the fine for not voting is only like $50 and because of the compulsory voting law, our country bends over backwards to make it accessible: it’s always on a weekend, lasts most of the day, and is set up at schools and community centers so there’s one within easy reach of almost everybody. you can also mail your ballot or vote early if you’ll be out of the country on the day. like, IT’S EASY TO VOTE, and the penalty isn’t even that ridiculous. i don’t understand why the usa doesn’t have this, except obviously it would make it harder to literally stop minorities from voting. I think we Americans tend to forget that a lot of other countries don’t actively work to make it harder to vote. Adding to this here, in Australia you don’t have to vote. Or, more precisely, there’s no way they can tell if you ruined your ballot. You have to turn up, get your name marked off, but you can put a line through the ballot if you don’t think any of the candidates are worth voting for. Or do this:  Or this:  Or this:  You have get your name crossed off (if you don’t want to wear the fine), but you don’t have to make your vote counted if you’re opposed to it.  And it is so, so easy to vote. Stuck at work or on holidays? That’s fine. Do a postal vote.  Stuck in hospital? That’s fine. They’ll go to you. Stuck in an old people’s home and can’t get around? Again, they’ll go to you. It’s amazing to me that it’s so hard for so many Americans to actually vote. If you make it compulsory, than at least the government is obligated to provide you with the means to vote.  And look, I get it. Sometimes I don’t want to vote either. But I suck it up, I walk three minutes down the street, and I hope that this year they’re selling lamingtons again. Oh, and I buy a democracy sausage, which, even if all the candidates suck, makes the effort of turning up pretty worthwhile.  ALSO, you can see even on the fucked up ballots that you NUMBER CANDIDATES IN ORDER OF PREFERENCE. There’s no need to calculate whether I would be throwing away my vote on the candidate that I most agree with if they’re not from a major party. I can say, I want that independent person to get in, but if not them, give me Big Party A, and if not them, that minor party person is still better that Big Party B, and I’m not giving any preference to the Lunatic Fringe Party. Our system certainly has some issues still, but I can show up to somewhere nearby, line up for a few minutes (if at all), vote exactly in line with my values (on paper, leaving a paper trail that can be recounted), and then buy a sausage and some home made cupcakes on my way out. A country’s voting system matters a hell of a lot and every citizen deserves one that makes it easy to vote and results in a government that is representational and accountable. And by the way, one time I had a bad asthma flare-up on Election Day and didn’t make it to my polling station. I got my fine in the mail, I filled out the form explaining why I couldn’t vote, no more fine. I would rather have, you know, expressed my preference for who should run my country, but they were cool with the fact that I couldn’t do it that day. I still don’t like the idea that I have to vote if I don’t want to. Why the hell should that be mandatory? Because it forces people to participate in deciding how their country is run, which is a good thing. It also forces the government to hear your opinion, which is a good thing. You can still protest the candidates by throwing away your vote, but then you have to acknowledge the fact that you decided to not to care enough to pick your favorite candidate. “Because it forces people to participate in deciding how their country is run, which is a good thing.”>Implying that we actually have any say in how the country is run
 decided: lazyshoes:

libertarirynn:

julad:
thisdiscontentedwinter:

salparadisewasright:

sapphicdalliances:

jonpertwee:

hamfistedbunvendor:


jonpertwee:
I feel like this would be a slippery slope towards making it illegal for people to choose to not vote.
that’s already how it is in australia


That’s just so fucked up. :( Do certain medical conditions exempt you?

?????? why is it be fucked up to have compulsory voting? that’s the way it is in most democratic countries? it’s a part of being a citizen, like paying taxes and obeying speed limits? the fine for not voting is only like $50 and because of the compulsory voting law, our country bends over backwards to make it accessible: it’s always on a weekend, lasts most of the day, and is set up at schools and community centers so there’s one within easy reach of almost everybody. you can also mail your ballot or vote early if you’ll be out of the country on the day. like, IT’S EASY TO VOTE, and the penalty isn’t even that ridiculous. i don’t understand why the usa doesn’t have this, except obviously it would make it harder to literally stop minorities from voting.

I think we Americans tend to forget that a lot of other countries don’t actively work to make it harder to vote.

Adding to this here, in Australia you don’t have to vote. Or, more precisely, there’s no way they can tell if you ruined your ballot. You have to turn up, get your name marked off, but you can put a line through the ballot if you don’t think any of the candidates are worth voting for. Or do this: 
Or this: 

Or this: 
You have get your name crossed off (if you don’t want to wear the fine), but you don’t have to make your vote counted if you’re opposed to it. 
And it is so, so easy to vote. Stuck at work or on holidays? That’s fine. Do a postal vote.  Stuck in hospital? That’s fine. They’ll go to you. Stuck in an old people’s home and can’t get around? Again, they’ll go to you. It’s amazing to me that it’s so hard for so many Americans to actually vote. If you make it compulsory, than at least the government is obligated to provide you with the means to vote. 
And look, I get it. Sometimes I don’t want to vote either. But I suck it up, I walk three minutes down the street, and I hope that this year they’re selling lamingtons again. Oh, and I buy a democracy sausage, which, even if all the candidates suck, makes the effort of turning up pretty worthwhile. 

ALSO, you can see even on the fucked up ballots that you NUMBER  CANDIDATES IN ORDER OF PREFERENCE. There’s no need to calculate whether I would be throwing away my vote on the candidate that I most agree with if they’re not from a major party. I can say, I want that independent person to get in, but if not them, give me Big Party A, and if not them, that minor party person is still better that Big Party B, and I’m not giving any preference to the Lunatic Fringe Party. 
Our system certainly has some issues still, but I can show up to somewhere nearby, line up for a few minutes (if at all), vote exactly in line with my values (on paper, leaving a paper trail that can be recounted), and then buy a sausage and some home made cupcakes on my way out. 
A country’s voting system matters a hell of a lot and every citizen deserves one that makes it easy to vote and results in a government that is representational and accountable. 
And by the way, one time I had a bad asthma flare-up on Election Day and didn’t make it to my polling station. I got my fine in the mail, I filled out the form explaining why I couldn’t vote, no more fine. I would rather have, you know, expressed my preference for who should run my country, but they were cool with the fact that I couldn’t do it that day.



I still don’t like the idea that I have to vote if I don’t want to. Why the hell should that be mandatory?


Because it forces people to participate in deciding how their country is run, which is a good thing. It also forces the government to hear your opinion, which is a good thing. You can still protest the candidates by throwing away your vote, but then you have to acknowledge the fact that you decided to not to care enough to pick your favorite candidate. 


“Because it forces people to participate in deciding how their country is run, which is a good thing.”>Implying that we actually have any say in how the country is run

lazyshoes: libertarirynn: julad: thisdiscontentedwinter: salparadisewasright: sapphicdalliances: jonpertwee: hamfistedbunvendor:...

decided: Saw this tire and decided to make my first meme
 decided: Saw this tire and decided to make my first meme

Saw this tire and decided to make my first meme

decided: Saw this tire and decided to make my first meme by PQjunior MORE MEMES
 decided: Saw this tire and decided to make my first meme by PQjunior
MORE MEMES

Saw this tire and decided to make my first meme by PQjunior MORE MEMES

decided: Decided to download the app again because of boredom. I think it went well!
 decided: Decided to download the app again because of boredom. I think it went well!

Decided to download the app again because of boredom. I think it went well!

decided: rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed. “I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.” “I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.” Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on. In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix. Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful. “I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.” “There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.” Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time. “It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.” While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower. “I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.” “I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added. At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.
 decided: rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.

rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full...

decided: My girlfriend and a group of her friends decided to order a $150 rug as a birthday gift for a friend. The rug arrived today, and it seems no one bothered to check the size…
 decided: My girlfriend and a group of her friends decided to order a $150 rug as a birthday gift for a friend. The rug arrived today, and it seems no one bothered to check the size…

My girlfriend and a group of her friends decided to order a $150 rug as a birthday gift for a friend. The rug arrived today, and it seems...

decided: My girlfriend and a group of her friends decided to order a $150 rug as a birthday gift for a friend. The rug arrived today, and it seems no one bothered to check the size…
 decided: My girlfriend and a group of her friends decided to order a $150 rug as a birthday gift for a friend. The rug arrived today, and it seems no one bothered to check the size…

My girlfriend and a group of her friends decided to order a $150 rug as a birthday gift for a friend. The rug arrived today, and it seems...

decided: Swords ~ A Swor'nament Decided
 decided: Swords ~ A Swor'nament Decided

Swords ~ A Swor'nament Decided

decided: Decided to go back to one of my first memes I saved from when I was a kid
 decided: Decided to go back to one of my first memes I saved from when I was a kid

Decided to go back to one of my first memes I saved from when I was a kid

decided: Decided to use my quarantine time to get some things checked off my To Do list
 decided: Decided to use my quarantine time to get some things checked off my To Do list

Decided to use my quarantine time to get some things checked off my To Do list

decided: Decided to use my quarantine time to get some things checked off my To Do list
 decided: Decided to use my quarantine time to get some things checked off my To Do list

Decided to use my quarantine time to get some things checked off my To Do list

decided: Decided to use my quarantine time to get some things checked off my To Do list
 decided: Decided to use my quarantine time to get some things checked off my To Do list

Decided to use my quarantine time to get some things checked off my To Do list

decided: My 23 Year Old Brother Decided to Shave His Hair and Beard so That He Could Look Like an Old Man…
 decided: My 23 Year Old Brother Decided to Shave His Hair and Beard so That He Could Look Like an Old Man…

My 23 Year Old Brother Decided to Shave His Hair and Beard so That He Could Look Like an Old Man…

decided: My 23 Year Old Brother Decided to Shave His Hair and Beard so That He Could Look Like an Old Man…
 decided: My 23 Year Old Brother Decided to Shave His Hair and Beard so That He Could Look Like an Old Man…

My 23 Year Old Brother Decided to Shave His Hair and Beard so That He Could Look Like an Old Man…

decided: My cactus decided to grow some balls
 decided: My cactus decided to grow some balls

My cactus decided to grow some balls

decided: My cactus decided to grow some balls
 decided: My cactus decided to grow some balls

My cactus decided to grow some balls

decided: animalrates:This is Finn. He just went through a break-pup. Decided to get bangs. Now more confident than ever. 13/10 she doesn’t deserve you king
 decided: animalrates:This is Finn. He just went through a break-pup. Decided to get bangs. Now more confident than ever. 13/10 she doesn’t deserve you king

animalrates:This is Finn. He just went through a break-pup. Decided to get bangs. Now more confident than ever. 13/10 she doesn’t deserve...

decided: Matched on Tinder. Got her number. Convo went dry for 2 weeks. Decided to send a rhyme her way.
 decided: Matched on Tinder. Got her number. Convo went dry for 2 weeks. Decided to send a rhyme her way.

Matched on Tinder. Got her number. Convo went dry for 2 weeks. Decided to send a rhyme her way.

decided: My three best friends decided to throw me a surprise birthday party during the quarantine. Thank you Penny, Chip, and Used Napkin!
 decided: My three best friends decided to throw me a surprise birthday party during the quarantine. Thank you Penny, Chip, and Used Napkin!

My three best friends decided to throw me a surprise birthday party during the quarantine. Thank you Penny, Chip, and Used Napkin!

decided: My three best friends decided to throw me a surprise birthday party during the quarantine. Thank you Penny, Chip, and Used Napkin!
 decided: My three best friends decided to throw me a surprise birthday party during the quarantine. Thank you Penny, Chip, and Used Napkin!

My three best friends decided to throw me a surprise birthday party during the quarantine. Thank you Penny, Chip, and Used Napkin!