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Facebook, Fanta, and Job Interview: Remember, every question is a test so when they say "How are you?" reply "Goal ori tated, thank you." Make a point of mentioning you failed Reli- gious Studies and say The only thing I wor- ship is productivity." 2 thumbs up. Show you're good at delegating respon bility by sending someone else to the in terview Employers check Facebook accounts so make sure all your photos show you looking at a spreadsheet and punching the air. Always make eye contact and if you have two interviewers, train your eyes to work independently like a chameleon. Tell them you're not an applicánt, you're a appliCAN. Lick your finger, hold it against buttock. Make sizzling noise. When asked why you'd be suited to the job, pass an ancient scroll along the desk& say It was foretold." Stare at them. If you're meeting 3 interviewers, bring in a 4 finger Kitkat. Take charge of di ng Kitkat to emphasise leadership. If asked where you see yourself in 5 yrs time, tip them out of their chair, sit on it & say 'Here'. Break open a Fanta. At the beginning, try to make small talk with your interviewer such as "lovely day!" or "you look like my real father. When asked to describe yourself in 5 words say "Atrocious counting skills". Laugh. Open packet of Mini Eggs. When asked if you found the place OK, say I was driven here by cab. Normally of course I'm driven by results!" 4 winks Know the interviewer's name and use it during the interview. If you're not sure what it is, call them Jobsy" or "Jobbo". THE META PICTURE awesomesthesia: Some Good Job Interview Tips
nsfw
Facebook, Fanta, and Job Interview: Remember, every question is a test so when
 they say "How are you?" reply "Goal ori
 tated, thank you."
 Make a point of mentioning you failed Reli-
 gious Studies and say The only thing I wor-
 ship is productivity." 2 thumbs up.
 Show you're good at delegating respon
 bility by sending someone else to the in
 terview
 Employers check Facebook accounts so
 make sure all your photos show you looking
 at a spreadsheet and punching the air.
 Always make eye contact and if you have
 two interviewers, train your eyes to
 work independently like a chameleon.
 Tell them you're not an applicánt, you're a
 appliCAN. Lick your finger, hold it against
 buttock. Make sizzling noise.
 When asked why you'd be suited to the job,
 pass an ancient scroll along the desk& say
 It was foretold." Stare at them.
 If you're meeting 3 interviewers, bring in a 4
 finger Kitkat. Take charge of di
 ng
 Kitkat to emphasise leadership.
 If asked where you see yourself in 5 yrs
 time, tip them out of their chair, sit on it &
 say 'Here'. Break open a Fanta.
 At the beginning, try to make small talk
 with your interviewer such as "lovely day!"
 or "you look like my real father.
 When asked to describe yourself in 5 words
 say "Atrocious counting skills". Laugh. Open
 packet of Mini Eggs.
 When asked if you found the place OK, say
 I was driven here by cab. Normally of
 course I'm driven by results!" 4 winks
 Know the interviewer's name and use it
 during the interview. If you're not sure
 what it is, call them Jobsy" or "Jobbo".
 THE META PICTURE
awesomesthesia:

Some Good Job Interview Tips

awesomesthesia: Some Good Job Interview Tips

Apparently, Dtf, and Family: Posted by u/biguy124 8 months ago 41.9k Professors that have been offered sexual favors by students or students that have offered sexual favors to professors, what happened? nsfw Schwagbert 31.8k points 8 months ago Short story from someone I use to know: She was struggling in her Astronomy class and went in to office hours for the professor. She kept making hints and using body language to signal she was dtf, but apparently the prof just kept slowly moving the picture of his family on his desk further towards her until she left. Give Award Share Report Save Magnussens_Casserole 11.7k points Damn, that's a smart play. 8 months ago Give Award Share Report Save antianchors 4.2k points 8 months ago Astronomical Give Award Share Report Save 10 more replies 11 more replies Digitalmonster7068 17.6k points 8 months ago 3 I guess you can say that she eventually *puts on shades* ..got the picture Give Award Share Report Save 101 more replies feels-vining: xubbs: hyperazraphael: surprisebitch: absolutely stellar A girl at my school tried to seduce one of our (super straight-laced) math professors. She ACTUALLY sat on his desk and had a super low-cut shirt on and everything and actually leaned over to him and according to eye-witnesses: Girl: “Oh professor, I’m really struggling but I would do ANYTHING to pass this class.” The professor leans in until his face is just inches from hers and whispers in the same seductive tone: “Study” Before promptly getting up and walking away just leaving her on the desk. “Then study” Thot status: PATROLLED Professors
Apparently, Dtf, and Family: Posted by u/biguy124 8 months ago
 41.9k Professors that have been offered sexual favors by students or
 students that have offered sexual favors to professors, what
 happened?
 nsfw

 Schwagbert 31.8k points 8 months ago
 Short story from someone I use to know:
 She was struggling in her Astronomy class and went in to office hours for the professor. She
 kept making hints and using body language to signal she was dtf, but apparently the prof
 just kept slowly moving the picture of his family on his desk further towards her until she
 left.
 Give Award Share Report Save
 Magnussens_Casserole 11.7k points
 Damn, that's a smart play.
 8 months ago
 Give Award Share Report Save

 antianchors 4.2k points 8 months ago
 Astronomical
 Give Award Share Report Save
 10 more replies
 11 more replies
 Digitalmonster7068 17.6k points 8 months ago 3
 I guess you can say that she eventually
 *puts on shades*
 ..got the picture
 Give Award Share Report Save
 101 more replies
feels-vining:

xubbs:

hyperazraphael:


surprisebitch:

absolutely stellar

A girl at my school tried to seduce one of our (super straight-laced) math professors. She ACTUALLY sat on his desk and had a super low-cut shirt on and everything and actually leaned over to him and according to eye-witnesses:
Girl: “Oh professor, I’m really struggling but I would do ANYTHING to pass this class.”
The professor leans in until his face is just inches from hers and whispers in the same seductive tone:
“Study” 
Before promptly getting up and walking away just leaving her on the desk.


“Then study”

Thot status:
PATROLLED


Professors

feels-vining: xubbs: hyperazraphael: surprisebitch: absolutely stellar A girl at my school tried to seduce one of our (super straight-...

Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration
Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration

feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a...

Bad, Books, and Clothes: he Swiss are voting on a plan to end poverty forever. Step one: give every adult $33,600 a year, no strings attached. There is no step two. Photo: Flickr/twicepix tank-grrl: hello-missmayhem: cptprocrastination: doomhamster: belcanta: nikkidubs: attentiondeficitaptitude: belcanta: Guaranteed basic income to every citizen, whether or not they are employed to ensure their survival and that they live in a dignified, humane way, preventing poverty, illness, homelessness, reducing crime, encouraging higher education and learning vocations as well as helping society become more prosperous as a whole.  Wow. Forget raising the minimum wage. This is much much better idea. The minimum wage could actually drop if we had basic income. But Americans would never go for it. Miserably slogging through 12 hour days and having businesses open 24/7 is too engrained in our culture. “BUT WHERE WILL THE GOVERNMENT GET THE MONEY?” screamed Joe Schmoe, slamming a meaty fist onto the table and getting mouth-froth all over the front of his greying tank top. “You libt*rds all think money grows on TREES!! HAHA!”“But where will people get the incentive to work?!” Mindy Bindy cried, flapping her hands in front of her face. She’d had a fear of the unemployed lollygagging about ever since she was a child and her mother told her to be afraid of the unemployed lollygagging about. “You think people should get paid for nothing? I work hard for my money!” “But who will serve me?” grumbled Marty McMoneybags. “Who will make me feel important? Who will do my laundry and cook my food and stand in front of me wearing a plastic smile while I take out all my stress—because I do have a lot of stress, you know, being this rich is stressful—on them?” He paused and straightened out the piles of hundred dollar bills on the desk in front of him, then raised his two watery, outraged eyes up to the Heavens. “Lord, if there are no poor people, how will I know that I’m rich??” I laughed. This is perfect! Well said! The thing is, while I’m sure you could scrape up a few people who’d be willing to just float by on a guaranteed minimum income? For most people the choice to work would be a no-brainer. “Hmmm. I can get by on 33k a year, or I can take that part time job and make 48k… enough to move to a better apartment, maybe take the family on vacation. Sold.” Hell, most people would want to work simply because it gives one a sense of dignity and something to do with one’s time. (Speaking as someone who’s been unemployed, on extended sick leave, etc. in her time, the boredom and sense of isolation that comes with not having a job is almost as bad as the humiliation of having to depend on other people for one’s survival.) And with this system, part-time jobs and “non-skilled” jobs would be much more readily available because nobody would need to work two or three jobs just to stay afloat! Which would ALSO mean that employers and customers couldn’t shamelessly exploit employees the way they can today, because if losing a job weren’t necessarily a financial disaster, more people would be willing to walk out on jobs where they weren’t being treated with dignity. And if this also applies to students (and it should) then student loans would become much less of a problem, and fewer people would flunk out of school because of having to juggle studies and work. Far fewer people would be forced to stay with abusive partners, parents or roommates because they couldn’t afford to move out. And the thing is, all those people who suddenly had money? They’d be spending it. They’d be getting all the stuff they can’t afford now - new clothes, books, toys, locally-produced food, car repairs - and with each purchase money would flow BACK to the government, because VAT, also income tax. The unemployed and/or disabled wouldn’t need special support any more - which would also mean the government could fire however many admins who are currently engaged in humiliating - *cough* making sure those people aren’t getting money they don’t deserve. Same for medical benefits and pensions. And I’m no legal scholar, but I somehow imagine less financial desperation would lead to less petty crime, and hence less need for police and security everywhere? TL;DR Doomie thinks this is a good idea, laughs at those who protest. reblogging for more top commentary They tried something like this out in Canada as a sort of social experiment, called Mincome. What they found was that, on the whole, people continued to work about as much as they did before. Only new mothers and teenagers worked substantially less hours.  But wait, there’s more. Because parents were spending just a little more time at home and involved with their families, test scores increased. Because teens didn’t have to work to support their families, drop-out rates decreased. Crime rates, hospital visits, psychiatric hospitalizations and domestic abuse rates all dropped, as well. More adults pursued higher education. Those who continued to work reported more job flexibility and more opportunity to choose employment they preferred. Basically, now you can go prove to your asshole family members that society won’t collapse without poor people for you to feel better than. The picture is awesome, but read the commentary, that’s what I’m reblogging for.
Bad, Books, and Clothes: he Swiss are voting on a plan to end poverty forever.
 Step one: give every adult $33,600
 a year, no strings attached.
 There is no step two.
 Photo: Flickr/twicepix
tank-grrl:
hello-missmayhem:

cptprocrastination:

doomhamster:

belcanta:

nikkidubs:

attentiondeficitaptitude:

belcanta:

Guaranteed basic income to every citizen, whether or not they are employed to ensure their survival and that they live in a dignified, humane way, preventing poverty, illness, homelessness, reducing crime, encouraging higher education and learning vocations as well as helping society become more prosperous as a whole. 

Wow. Forget raising the minimum wage. This is much much better idea.
The minimum wage could actually drop if we had basic income.
But Americans would never go for it. Miserably slogging through 12 hour days and having businesses open 24/7 is too engrained in our culture.

“BUT WHERE WILL THE GOVERNMENT GET THE MONEY?” screamed Joe Schmoe, slamming a meaty fist onto the table and getting mouth-froth all over the front of his greying tank top. “You libt*rds all think money grows on TREES!! HAHA!”“But where will people get the incentive to work?!” Mindy Bindy cried, flapping her hands in front of her face. She’d had a fear of the unemployed lollygagging about ever since she was a child and her mother told her to be afraid of the unemployed lollygagging about. “You think people should get paid for nothing? I work hard for my money!”
“But who will serve me?” grumbled Marty McMoneybags. “Who will make me feel important? Who will do my laundry and cook my food and stand in front of me wearing a plastic smile while I take out all my stress—because I do have a lot of stress, you know, being this rich is stressful—on them?” He paused and straightened out the piles of hundred dollar bills on the desk in front of him, then raised his two watery, outraged eyes up to the Heavens. “Lord, if there are no poor people, how will I know that I’m rich??”

I laughed. This is perfect! Well said!

The thing is, while I’m sure you could scrape up a few people who’d be willing to just float by on a guaranteed minimum income? For most people the choice to work would be a no-brainer. “Hmmm. I can get by on 33k a year, or I can take that part time job and make 48k… enough to move to a better apartment, maybe take the family on vacation. Sold.” Hell, most people would want to work simply because it gives one a sense of dignity and something to do with one’s time. (Speaking as someone who’s been unemployed, on extended sick leave, etc. in her time, the boredom and sense of isolation that comes with not having a job is almost as bad as the humiliation of having to depend on other people for one’s survival.)
And with this system, part-time jobs and “non-skilled” jobs would be much more readily available because nobody would need to work two or three jobs just to stay afloat!
Which would ALSO mean that employers and customers couldn’t shamelessly exploit employees the way they can today, because if losing a job weren’t necessarily a financial disaster, more people would be willing to walk out on jobs where they weren’t being treated with dignity.
And if this also applies to students (and it should) then student loans would become much less of a problem, and fewer people would flunk out of school because of having to juggle studies and work.
Far fewer people would be forced to stay with abusive partners, parents or roommates because they couldn’t afford to move out.
And the thing is, all those people who suddenly had money? They’d be spending it. They’d be getting all the stuff they can’t afford now - new clothes, books, toys, locally-produced food, car repairs - and with each purchase money would flow BACK to the government, because VAT, also income tax.
The unemployed and/or disabled wouldn’t need special support any more - which would also mean the government could fire however many admins who are currently engaged in humiliating - *cough* making sure those people aren’t getting money they don’t deserve. Same for medical benefits and pensions. And I’m no legal scholar, but I somehow imagine less financial desperation would lead to less petty crime, and hence less need for police and security everywhere?
TL;DR Doomie thinks this is a good idea, laughs at those who protest.

reblogging for more top commentary

They tried something like this out in Canada as a sort of social experiment, called Mincome. What they found was that, on the whole, people continued to work about as much as they did before. Only new mothers and teenagers worked substantially less hours. 
But wait, there’s more. Because parents were spending just a little more time at home and involved with their families, test scores increased. Because teens didn’t have to work to support their families, drop-out rates decreased. Crime rates, hospital visits, psychiatric hospitalizations and domestic abuse rates all dropped, as well. More adults pursued higher education. Those who continued to work reported more job flexibility and more opportunity to choose employment they preferred.
Basically, now you can go prove to your asshole family members that society won’t collapse without poor people for you to feel better than.

The picture is awesome, but read the commentary, that’s what I’m reblogging for.

tank-grrl: hello-missmayhem: cptprocrastination: doomhamster: belcanta: nikkidubs: attentiondeficitaptitude: belcanta: Guaranteed bas...

America, Bad, and Books: he Swiss are voting on a plan to end poverty forever. Step one: give every adult $33,600 a year, no strings attached. There is no step two. Photo: Flickr/twicepix lazorsandparadox: tank-grrl: hello-missmayhem: cptprocrastination: doomhamster: belcanta: nikkidubs: attentiondeficitaptitude: belcanta: Guaranteed basic income to every citizen, whether or not they are employed to ensure their survival and that they live in a dignified, humane way, preventing poverty, illness, homelessness, reducing crime, encouraging higher education and learning vocations as well as helping society become more prosperous as a whole.  Wow. Forget raising the minimum wage. This is much much better idea. The minimum wage could actually drop if we had basic income. But Americans would never go for it. Miserably slogging through 12 hour days and having businesses open 24/7 is too engrained in our culture. “BUT WHERE WILL THE GOVERNMENT GET THE MONEY?” screamed Joe Schmoe, slamming a meaty fist onto the table and getting mouth-froth all over the front of his greying tank top. “You libt*rds all think money grows on TREES!! HAHA!”“But where will people get the incentive to work?!” Mindy Bindy cried, flapping her hands in front of her face. She’d had a fear of the unemployed lollygagging about ever since she was a child and her mother told her to be afraid of the unemployed lollygagging about. “You think people should get paid for nothing? I work hard for my money!” “But who will serve me?” grumbled Marty McMoneybags. “Who will make me feel important? Who will do my laundry and cook my food and stand in front of me wearing a plastic smile while I take out all my stress—because I do have a lot of stress, you know, being this rich is stressful—on them?” He paused and straightened out the piles of hundred dollar bills on the desk in front of him, then raised his two watery, outraged eyes up to the Heavens. “Lord, if there are no poor people, how will I know that I’m rich??” I laughed. This is perfect! Well said! The thing is, while I’m sure you could scrape up a few people who’d be willing to just float by on a guaranteed minimum income? For most people the choice to work would be a no-brainer. “Hmmm. I can get by on 33k a year, or I can take that part time job and make 48k… enough to move to a better apartment, maybe take the family on vacation. Sold.” Hell, most people would want to work simply because it gives one a sense of dignity and something to do with one’s time. (Speaking as someone who’s been unemployed, on extended sick leave, etc. in her time, the boredom and sense of isolation that comes with not having a job is almost as bad as the humiliation of having to depend on other people for one’s survival.) And with this system, part-time jobs and “non-skilled” jobs would be much more readily available because nobody would need to work two or three jobs just to stay afloat! Which would ALSO mean that employers and customers couldn’t shamelessly exploit employees the way they can today, because if losing a job weren’t necessarily a financial disaster, more people would be willing to walk out on jobs where they weren’t being treated with dignity. And if this also applies to students (and it should) then student loans would become much less of a problem, and fewer people would flunk out of school because of having to juggle studies and work. Far fewer people would be forced to stay with abusive partners, parents or roommates because they couldn’t afford to move out. And the thing is, all those people who suddenly had money? They’d be spending it. They’d be getting all the stuff they can’t afford now - new clothes, books, toys, locally-produced food, car repairs - and with each purchase money would flow BACK to the government, because VAT, also income tax. The unemployed and/or disabled wouldn’t need special support any more - which would also mean the government could fire however many admins who are currently engaged in humiliating - *cough* making sure those people aren’t getting money they don’t deserve. Same for medical benefits and pensions. And I’m no legal scholar, but I somehow imagine less financial desperation would lead to less petty crime, and hence less need for police and security everywhere? TL;DR Doomie thinks this is a good idea, laughs at those who protest. reblogging for more top commentary They tried something like this out in Canada as a sort of social experiment, called Mincome. What they found was that, on the whole, people continued to work about as much as they did before. Only new mothers and teenagers worked substantially less hours.  But wait, there’s more. Because parents were spending just a little more time at home and involved with their families, test scores increased. Because teens didn’t have to work to support their families, drop-out rates decreased. Crime rates, hospital visits, psychiatric hospitalizations and domestic abuse rates all dropped, as well. More adults pursued higher education. Those who continued to work reported more job flexibility and more opportunity to choose employment they preferred. Basically, now you can go prove to your asshole family members that society won’t collapse without poor people for you to feel better than. The picture is awesome, but read the commentary, that’s what I’m reblogging for. With debt levels spiraling out of control as they are, america might have to do this in the near future, in order to prevent economic collapse from people just not having money to spend. The only problem i forsee with this is that, in order to get the money to distribute, taxes on rich people would have to increase by a lot, and if taxes raise too high, they just fucking move to another country to avoid paying them. If there was a way to prevent this, or if the whole world implemented a standard like this at the same time thereby removing the incentive to flee tax hikes, then this would absolutely work out great
America, Bad, and Books: he Swiss are voting on a plan to end poverty forever.
 Step one: give every adult $33,600
 a year, no strings attached.
 There is no step two.
 Photo: Flickr/twicepix
lazorsandparadox:
tank-grrl:

hello-missmayhem:

cptprocrastination:

doomhamster:

belcanta:

nikkidubs:

attentiondeficitaptitude:

belcanta:

Guaranteed basic income to every citizen, whether or not they are employed to ensure their survival and that they live in a dignified, humane way, preventing poverty, illness, homelessness, reducing crime, encouraging higher education and learning vocations as well as helping society become more prosperous as a whole. 

Wow. Forget raising the minimum wage. This is much much better idea.
The minimum wage could actually drop if we had basic income.
But Americans would never go for it. Miserably slogging through 12 hour days and having businesses open 24/7 is too engrained in our culture.

“BUT WHERE WILL THE GOVERNMENT GET THE MONEY?” screamed Joe Schmoe, slamming a meaty fist onto the table and getting mouth-froth all over the front of his greying tank top. “You libt*rds all think money grows on TREES!! HAHA!”“But where will people get the incentive to work?!” Mindy Bindy cried, flapping her hands in front of her face. She’d had a fear of the unemployed lollygagging about ever since she was a child and her mother told her to be afraid of the unemployed lollygagging about. “You think people should get paid for nothing? I work hard for my money!”
“But who will serve me?” grumbled Marty McMoneybags. “Who will make me feel important? Who will do my laundry and cook my food and stand in front of me wearing a plastic smile while I take out all my stress—because I do have a lot of stress, you know, being this rich is stressful—on them?” He paused and straightened out the piles of hundred dollar bills on the desk in front of him, then raised his two watery, outraged eyes up to the Heavens. “Lord, if there are no poor people, how will I know that I’m rich??”

I laughed. This is perfect! Well said!

The thing is, while I’m sure you could scrape up a few people who’d be willing to just float by on a guaranteed minimum income? For most people the choice to work would be a no-brainer. “Hmmm. I can get by on 33k a year, or I can take that part time job and make 48k… enough to move to a better apartment, maybe take the family on vacation. Sold.” Hell, most people would want to work simply because it gives one a sense of dignity and something to do with one’s time. (Speaking as someone who’s been unemployed, on extended sick leave, etc. in her time, the boredom and sense of isolation that comes with not having a job is almost as bad as the humiliation of having to depend on other people for one’s survival.)
And with this system, part-time jobs and “non-skilled” jobs would be much more readily available because nobody would need to work two or three jobs just to stay afloat!
Which would ALSO mean that employers and customers couldn’t shamelessly exploit employees the way they can today, because if losing a job weren’t necessarily a financial disaster, more people would be willing to walk out on jobs where they weren’t being treated with dignity.
And if this also applies to students (and it should) then student loans would become much less of a problem, and fewer people would flunk out of school because of having to juggle studies and work.
Far fewer people would be forced to stay with abusive partners, parents or roommates because they couldn’t afford to move out.
And the thing is, all those people who suddenly had money? They’d be spending it. They’d be getting all the stuff they can’t afford now - new clothes, books, toys, locally-produced food, car repairs - and with each purchase money would flow BACK to the government, because VAT, also income tax.
The unemployed and/or disabled wouldn’t need special support any more - which would also mean the government could fire however many admins who are currently engaged in humiliating - *cough* making sure those people aren’t getting money they don’t deserve. Same for medical benefits and pensions. And I’m no legal scholar, but I somehow imagine less financial desperation would lead to less petty crime, and hence less need for police and security everywhere?
TL;DR Doomie thinks this is a good idea, laughs at those who protest.

reblogging for more top commentary

They tried something like this out in Canada as a sort of social experiment, called Mincome. What they found was that, on the whole, people continued to work about as much as they did before. Only new mothers and teenagers worked substantially less hours. 
But wait, there’s more. Because parents were spending just a little more time at home and involved with their families, test scores increased. Because teens didn’t have to work to support their families, drop-out rates decreased. Crime rates, hospital visits, psychiatric hospitalizations and domestic abuse rates all dropped, as well. More adults pursued higher education. Those who continued to work reported more job flexibility and more opportunity to choose employment they preferred.
Basically, now you can go prove to your asshole family members that society won’t collapse without poor people for you to feel better than.

The picture is awesome, but read the commentary, that’s what I’m reblogging for.


With debt levels spiraling out of control as they are, america might have to do this in the near future, in order to prevent economic collapse from people just not having money to spend. The only problem i forsee with this is that, in order to get the money to distribute, taxes on rich people would have to increase by a lot, and if taxes raise too high, they just fucking move to another country to avoid paying them. If there was a way to prevent this, or if the whole world implemented a standard like this at the same time thereby removing the incentive to flee tax hikes, then this would absolutely work out great

lazorsandparadox: tank-grrl: hello-missmayhem: cptprocrastination: doomhamster: belcanta: nikkidubs: attentiondeficitaptitude: belcan...

Apparently, Bitch, and Dude: Hacker Scripts Based on a true story. xoox: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... I fsomething- anything requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxoc: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy xxx: You're gonna love this ooc: smack-my-bitch-up.sh -sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login xxox: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help" trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time" xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am xoox: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee. sh this one waits exatly 17 seconds(), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew.Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 () seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xoxx: holy sh"t I'm keeping those I found this on an old Git account
Apparently, Bitch, and Dude: Hacker Scripts
 Based on a true story.
 xoox: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know
 that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... I fsomething- anything
 requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
 xxoc: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy
 xxx: You're gonna love this
 ooc: smack-my-bitch-up.sh -sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons
 from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server
 after 9pm with his login
 xxox: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help"
 trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database
 to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time"
 xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna
 work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive
 sessions on the server at 8:45am
 xoox: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee. sh this one waits exatly 17 seconds(), then opens a telnet session to
 our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and
 running) and sends something like sys brew.Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits
 another 24 () seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from
 the dudes desk.
 xoxx: holy sh"t I'm keeping those
I found this on an old Git account

I found this on an old Git account

Adam Sandler, Alive, and Animals: Johnny Boy 'limbo', Marston Arthur More Organ Holland Hoseas Before Broseas swagalicious crunchy outside, self-deprecating chewy center - "how many licks does it take the squad's favorite disaster scrappy damsel squares up at a moment's notice can never seem to get their shit together to get to the center of my depression" goth jock dropout just wants to settle down - - dumbest smart person alive - denies being moe - "wanna know how I got these scars- wait where are you going" - makes 50+ post twitter threads nobody reads just needs a break - "Actually, correlation is not causation" - thinks they're charming, is actually charming - constantly forgets their age - "back in my day - only one who knows what the fuck they're talking about incredible artist, thinks their stuff is 'okay' still needs to shut the fuck up - one shot, one kill - "once I go viral it's over for you hoes" - has a 'Home Is Where The Heart Is' welcome mat-liked by practically everybody - productive procrastinator can never hold down a relationship - Instant Uncle, Just Add Baby suffers from chronic pushover syndrome "no questions, dammit, no questions" - jokes hit too close to home - Good bad influence - weed friend Make It Work Guy Fieri Will Billiamson Bad Santa -always knows what to play at a party - adopts everyone on sight - great with kids, great with animals, wants to hold your baby - scientific evidence good girls want bad boys - tsundere - burns salads - "have you eaten today" - owns etsy account, too busy to make anything - punches self for fun - professional alcoholic - always needs to borrow money - terrible drunk, never remembers what happened that night walks around the house in their underwear gives great hugs needs seven showers group's unexpected therapist patronus is secondhand embarrassment just wants to be part of the family "MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S!"* is the party cultured, well-traveled and stylish; made for Instagram - *gestures to all of you* "we need to do something about this" - always starts drama, yet always seems to avoid it bad taste in literally everything, banned from recommending outings - will always have squad's back iron constitution, never gets sick - "say that to my fucking face" - may seem Mad, is actually Sad petty *pulls up in drive-thru, orders single starts the day with horoscope readings - Chaotic Loyal black coffee, leaves t" FUCKS.EXE STOPPED WORKING 'mSorry Ms. Jackson tOh) Bastard Millennial Green Hat McGuy "join team chat" - fashionable at all times, even when going to the grocery store can't do crime if you ain't cute -only dates fictional men won't leave the house for days need lives on cow tales and TVTropes says they can hold their liquor regularly tells squad to hydrate can't actually hold their liquor too nice for own good living boke and tsukkomi routine to shut up yesterday social interaction, naps for ten years it's basic hygiene and laying beneath the stars -"please stop talking" exhausted after two minutes of maybe they're born with it, maybe soft spot for animals, slow dancing cooler than you . living proof the scariest people frat brotryhard nerd gem fusion come in the nicest packages graceful loser, even more graceful winner - "what day is it again" nobody sees clapbacks coming until it's never learned how to drive every day is roast session day - "I'll roast you, I'll roast them, I'll roast me fuckin' self" - Has never completed No Nut November sings in the shower - adores Linkin Park late - "are you ready yet" "almost" - allergic to idiots Adam Sandler Regina O'George Let Me Speak To Your Manager - retired mom friend, back from retirement ages every time someone references a vine instead of responding normally - smokes sixty packs a day Goof Troop social norms are for dweebs just wants to play videogames - No Drama? No ProblemTM -"Local Mean Girl Refuses To Be Toppled From Throne" - loses shit over small things -THIS close to cutting someone and snack in peace shoves people in lockers to show affection forgets not to swear in front of other never forgets a birthday shaped like a friend only one in squad who can cook only one in squad who can drive people's children the queen of throwing down "fuck, sorry about that" given up on romance savwy businessowner resident gossip big problems are Whatever - needs therapy - Favorite Songs Are 'Find Me Somebody- smells amazing To Love' And 'Before He Cheats' common sense frequently left on read - hasn't seen most popular movies - a matryoshka of pain - wishes you didn't look like a dump truck knows Wicked by heart - only one in squad who does taxes Songs Are unforgiveable weeb - villain origin story is that stubborn chin hair that keeps growing back - always says 'gg' after every game incredible skin care regimen - "just drink more water" award winning sailor mouth - Big Hair, Don't Care "What's My Age Again" by Blink 182 World's Saddest Violin Bullshit Magician Expletive Noises Looks like a million dollars, is probably worth a million dollars - family person, loves everybody keeps Twitter on private - meows back at their cat - extroverted introvert -feels guilty for not logging into Animal Crossing for nine months thinks existence is kind of funny invented the word 'dapper - the living embodiment of when you try your best but you don't succeed' - just wants to be loved and cherished -great with animals, never scratched the life of the party, when they're not launching into drunken diatribes -smartest smart person alive -stays up until three in the morning thinking about the meaning of life - an essential addition to any squad - reads at 10,000 miles per hour wants to stab Banksy hates stan culture hoards comfort food beneath their desk gets sentimental over their Neopets used to hoard Beanie Babies - hates answering the phone - silently lurks in Twitch chatrooms - needs more friends - stylish drunk with two hollow legs - never fails to speak their mind great at impressions -not-so-secretly depressed - regularly confuses main for private "just forget I said that haha" preserves their right hook for justice - stared into the void, got bored quotes movies when provoked - "That's just, like, your opinion, man." the most perfect teeth Baby Boy...Baby Talk Shit, Get Hit Mr. Krabs A Dog - soft outside, softer inside - never ashamed to cry - weak spot for pups, needs to pet every dog they see -only one of the squad that's been punched squad's resident cheapskate needs to seriously reconsider things trolling game out of control A dog - never seems to accumulate debt, also never tips the waiter took college prep in high school - can't fight to save their life - surprisingly terrifying comebacks - multilingual gg ez clap" oves Bon Iver, Death Grips and Beyonce equally - Kappa Kappa KappaRoss CoolStoryBob workplace's local kissass likes to give gifts to sad friends living embodiment of a flower crown talks during movies home life is a mess - needs a vacation, too self-conscious - doesn't flush toilets in public bathrooms to take one - adopted by everybody - "Oh, I won't report you...yet" believes they were born in the wrong era - has never yelled once - in love with the smell of old books - wishes on stars when no one's looking leaves breadcrumbs in butter a well-rounded tool - nobody knows why they keep getting invited"Poverty is a state of mind." champagnesuperhoeva: red dead redemption 2 tag yourself masterpost now all in one spot for your convenient bullshit needs tag your chronic pain, tag your panic attacks, tag your existential crisis  I am all of these yet none of them at the same time
Adam Sandler, Alive, and Animals: Johnny Boy 'limbo', Marston
 Arthur More Organ
 Holland
 Hoseas Before Broseas
 swagalicious crunchy outside,
 self-deprecating chewy center
 - "how many licks does it take
 the squad's favorite disaster
 scrappy damsel
 squares up at a moment's notice
 can never seem to get their shit together to get to the center of my depression"
 goth jock dropout just wants to settle down -
 - dumbest smart person alive
 - denies being moe
 - "wanna know how I got these scars-
 wait where are you going"
 - makes 50+ post twitter threads nobody reads just needs a break
 - "Actually, correlation is not causation"
 - thinks they're charming, is actually charming
 - constantly forgets their age
 - "back in my day
 - only one who knows what
 the fuck they're talking about
 incredible artist, thinks their stuff is 'okay' still needs to shut the fuck up
 - one shot, one kill
 - "once I go viral it's over for you hoes"
 - has a 'Home Is Where The Heart Is' welcome mat-liked by practically everybody
 - productive procrastinator
 can never hold down a relationship
 - Instant Uncle, Just Add Baby
 suffers from chronic pushover syndrome "no questions, dammit, no questions"
 - jokes hit too close to home
 - Good bad influence
 - weed friend
 Make It Work
 Guy Fieri
 Will Billiamson
 Bad Santa
 -always knows what to play at a party
 - adopts everyone on sight
 - great with kids, great with animals,
 wants to hold your baby
 - scientific evidence good girls
 want bad boys
 - tsundere
 - burns salads
 - "have you eaten today"
 - owns etsy account, too busy to make anything - punches self for fun
 - professional alcoholic
 - always needs to borrow money
 - terrible drunk, never remembers
 what happened that night
 walks around the house in their underwear
 gives great hugs
 needs seven showers
 group's unexpected therapist
 patronus is secondhand embarrassment
 just wants to be part of the family
 "MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S!"*
 is the party
 cultured, well-traveled and stylish;
 made for Instagram
 - *gestures to all of you* "we need
 to do something about this"
 - always starts drama, yet always
 seems to avoid it
 bad taste in literally everything,
 banned from recommending outings
 - will always have squad's back
 iron constitution, never gets sick
 - "say that to my fucking face"
 - may seem Mad, is actually Sad
 petty
 *pulls up in drive-thru, orders single
 starts the day with horoscope readings
 - Chaotic Loyal
 black coffee, leaves

 t"
 FUCKS.EXE STOPPED WORKING 'mSorry Ms. Jackson tOh)
 Bastard Millennial
 Green Hat McGuy
 "join team chat"
 - fashionable at all times, even when
 going to the grocery store
 can't do crime if you ain't cute
 -only dates fictional men
 won't leave the house for days need
 lives on cow tales and TVTropes says they can hold their liquor
 regularly tells squad to hydrate can't actually hold their liquor
 too nice for own good
 living boke and tsukkomi routine
 to shut up yesterday
 social interaction, naps for ten years
 it's basic hygiene
 and laying beneath the stars
 -"please stop talking"
 exhausted after two minutes of
 maybe they're born with it, maybe
 soft spot for animals, slow dancing
 cooler than you
 . living proof the scariest people
 frat brotryhard nerd gem fusion
 come in the nicest packages
 graceful loser, even more graceful winner - "what day is it again"
 nobody sees clapbacks coming until it's never learned how to drive
 every day is roast session day
 - "I'll roast you, I'll roast them,
 I'll roast me fuckin' self"
 - Has never completed No Nut November
 sings in the shower
 - adores Linkin Park
 late
 - "are you ready yet" "almost"
 - allergic to idiots
 Adam Sandler
 Regina O'George
 Let Me Speak To Your Manager
 - retired mom friend, back from retirement
 ages every time someone references
 a vine instead of responding normally
 - smokes sixty packs a day
 Goof Troop
 social norms are for dweebs
 just wants to play videogames
 - No Drama? No ProblemTM
 -"Local Mean Girl Refuses To
 Be Toppled From Throne"
 - loses shit over small things
 -THIS close to cutting someone
 and snack in peace
 shoves people in lockers to show affection
 forgets not to swear in front of other
 never forgets a birthday
 shaped like a friend
 only one in squad who can cook
 only one in squad who can drive
 people's children
 the queen of throwing down
 "fuck, sorry about that"
 given up on romance
 savwy businessowner
 resident gossip
 big problems are Whatever
 - needs therapy
 - Favorite Songs Are 'Find Me Somebody- smells amazing
 To Love' And 'Before He Cheats'
 common sense frequently left on read - hasn't seen most popular movies
 - a matryoshka of pain
 - wishes you didn't look like a dump truck
 knows Wicked by heart
 - only one in squad who does taxes
 Songs Are
 unforgiveable weeb
 - villain origin story is that stubborn
 chin hair that keeps growing back
 - always says 'gg' after every game
 incredible skin care regimen
 - "just drink more water"
 award winning sailor mouth
 - Big Hair, Don't Care

 "What's My Age Again" by Blink 182
 World's Saddest Violin
 Bullshit Magician
 Expletive Noises
 Looks like a million dollars, is probably
 worth a million dollars
 - family person, loves everybody
 keeps Twitter on private
 - meows back at their cat
 - extroverted introvert
 -feels guilty for not logging into
 Animal Crossing for nine months
 thinks existence is kind of funny
 invented the word 'dapper
 - the living embodiment of when
 you try your best but you don't succeed'
 - just wants to be loved and cherished
 -great with animals, never scratched
 the life of the party, when they're
 not launching into drunken diatribes
 -smartest smart person alive
 -stays up until three in the morning
 thinking about the meaning of life
 - an essential addition to any squad
 - reads at 10,000 miles per hour
 wants to stab Banksy
 hates stan culture
 hoards comfort food beneath their desk
 gets sentimental over their Neopets
 used to hoard Beanie Babies
 - hates answering the phone
 - silently lurks in Twitch chatrooms
 - needs more friends
 - stylish drunk with two hollow legs
 - never fails to speak their mind
 great at impressions
 -not-so-secretly depressed
 - regularly confuses main for private
 "just forget I said that haha"
 preserves their right hook for justice
 - stared into the void, got bored
 quotes movies when provoked
 - "That's just, like, your opinion, man."
 the most perfect teeth
 Baby Boy...Baby
 Talk Shit, Get Hit
 Mr. Krabs
 A Dog
 - soft outside, softer inside
 - never ashamed to cry
 - weak spot for pups, needs
 to pet every dog they see
 -only one of the squad that's been punched squad's resident cheapskate
 needs to seriously reconsider things
 trolling game out of control
 A dog
 - never seems to accumulate debt,
 also never tips the waiter
 took college prep in high school
 - can't fight to save their life
 - surprisingly terrifying comebacks
 - multilingual
 gg ez clap"
 oves Bon Iver, Death Grips
 and Beyonce equally
 - Kappa Kappa KappaRoss CoolStoryBob
 workplace's local kissass
 likes to give gifts to sad friends
 living embodiment of a flower crown talks during movies
 home life is a mess
 - needs a vacation, too self-conscious - doesn't flush toilets in public bathrooms
 to take one
 - adopted by everybody
 - "Oh, I won't report you...yet"
 believes they were born in the wrong era
 - has never yelled once
 - in love with the smell of old books
 - wishes on stars when no one's looking
 leaves breadcrumbs in butter
 a well-rounded tool
 - nobody knows why they keep getting invited"Poverty is a state of mind."
champagnesuperhoeva:
red dead redemption 2 tag yourself masterpost now all in one spot for your convenient bullshit needs
tag your chronic pain, tag your panic attacks, tag your existential crisis 


I am all of these yet none of them at the same time

champagnesuperhoeva: red dead redemption 2 tag yourself masterpost now all in one spot for your convenient bullshit needs tag your chronic p...

Funny, Prank, and Soon...: DESK New developer starts soon, decided to give him a prank workstation for his first day (crosspost from r/funny)
Funny, Prank, and Soon...: DESK
New developer starts soon, decided to give him a prank workstation for his first day (crosspost from r/funny)

New developer starts soon, decided to give him a prank workstation for his first day (crosspost from r/funny)

Android, Another One, and Dad: AngryMan @AngryManTV Had a really proud dad moment today Dropped my oldest off at school at 7:30. Helped her carry her project board to the classroom. She was like You coming back at 8:30 for my presentation?" Told her I couldn't cuz I had a 9am meeting in the office 20:10 18 Mar 19 Twitter for Android 5,479 Retweets 15.1K Likes AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h Gave her a hug & kiss, then prayed with her but knew she was disappointed. Drove back home & got dressed for work. Was driving to the Metro when I detoured to her school Grabbed my work phone & sent an email telling them l'd be in after 10 97 tl 184 1,384 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h As hard as I worked with her on that project and rehearsing that presentation, I had to be there. I needed to support my baby girl. Work could wait. O12 t 182 1,956 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h I hit her teacher with a Class Dojo (parents know... LOL) message letting her know I was coming."Please don't let her present without me there" I said. I got to the school at like 8:45, signed in & ran down the hall AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h I walked in the classroom as another young man was doing his presentation. My daughter was sitting there at her desk listening. She saw me and lit up. The glow damn near brought tears to my eyes. A big bright smile came to her face. Her teacher also saw me and smiled 96 tl 270 3,320 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h A few more kids did there presentations and then my daughter was up. Man, listen. She killed it!! Everything we had practiced and then some. She was articulate, spoke clearly and loudly. She answered all questions from other students with ease 2 th 188 2,667 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h When she finished and sat back down,I walked over to her desk, gave her a quick kiss on the forehead & told her "Amazing job!!". 93 t 132 1,535 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h Another one of my partners was there supporting his son. That dude had just got off work after working a 12 hours overnight shift, but was there to see his lil' man. I stayed and watched his son's presentation. AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h Afterwards we left and just talked about the sacrifices we make as fathers and how often we're overlooked. I appreciate the brothas in my circle. Great fathers who care 96 t 270 2,991 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h I left the school and got to work at like 10:45 I ain't care what nobody had to say. Nothing else mattered. An overwhelming feeling of pride has been with me all day. I look forward to getting home to give her another big hug and listen to her tell her story 9115 355 5,602 The single most wholesome thread ever
Android, Another One, and Dad: AngryMan
 @AngryManTV
 Had a really proud dad moment today
 Dropped my oldest off at school at
 7:30. Helped her carry her project
 board to the classroom. She was
 like You coming back at 8:30 for my
 presentation?" Told her I couldn't cuz I
 had a 9am meeting in the office
 20:10 18 Mar 19 Twitter for Android
 5,479 Retweets 15.1K Likes
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 Gave her a hug & kiss, then prayed with her
 but knew she was disappointed. Drove back
 home & got dressed for work. Was driving to
 the Metro when I detoured to her school
 Grabbed my work phone & sent an email
 telling them l'd be in after 10
 97 tl 184 1,384
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 As hard as I worked with her on that project
 and rehearsing that presentation, I had to be
 there. I needed to support my baby girl. Work
 could wait.
 O12 t 182 1,956
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 I hit her teacher with a Class Dojo (parents
 know... LOL) message letting her know I was
 coming."Please don't let her present without
 me there" I said. I got to the school at like
 8:45, signed in & ran down the hall
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 I walked in the classroom as another young
 man was doing his presentation. My daughter
 was sitting there at her desk listening. She
 saw me and lit up. The glow damn near
 brought tears to my eyes. A big bright smile
 came to her face. Her teacher also saw me
 and smiled
 96 tl 270 3,320
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 A few more kids did there presentations and
 then my daughter was up. Man, listen. She
 killed it!! Everything we had practiced and
 then some. She was articulate, spoke clearly
 and loudly. She answered all questions from
 other students with ease
 2 th 188 2,667
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 When she finished and sat back down,I
 walked over to her desk, gave her a quick kiss
 on the forehead & told her "Amazing job!!".
 93 t 132 1,535
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 Another one of my partners was there
 supporting his son. That dude had just got off
 work after working a 12 hours overnight shift,
 but was there to see his lil' man. I stayed and
 watched his son's presentation.
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 Afterwards we left and just talked about the
 sacrifices we make as fathers and how often
 we're overlooked. I appreciate the brothas in
 my circle. Great fathers who care
 96 t 270 2,991
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 I left the school and got to work at like 10:45
 I ain't care what nobody had to say. Nothing
 else mattered. An overwhelming feeling of
 pride has been with me all day. I look forward
 to getting home to give her another big hug
 and listen to her tell her story
 9115
 355 5,602
The single most wholesome thread ever

The single most wholesome thread ever

Android, Another One, and Dad: AngryMarn @AngryManTV Had a really proud dad moment today Dropped my oldest off at school at 7:30. Helped her carry her project board to the classroom. She was like You coming back at 8.3O for my presentation?" Told her l couldn't cuz l had a 9am meeting in the office 4:10 PM 3/18/19 Twitter for Android 16.1K Retweets 46K Likes AngryMan @AngryManTV. 23h Replying to @AngryManTV Gave her a hug & kiss, then prayed with her, but knew she was disappointed Drove back home & got dressed for work. Was driving to the Metro when I detoured to her school. Grabbed my work phone & sent an email telling them I'd be in after 10. 16 450 4,026 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h As hard as I worked with her on that project and rehearsing that presentation I had to be there. I needed to support my baby girl. Work could wait. 916 t49 5,557 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h I hit her teacher with a Class Dojo (parents know.. LOL) message letting her know I was coming. "Please don't let her present without me there" I said. I got to the school at like 8:45, signed in & ran down the hall t2385 3,894 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h I walked in the classroom as another young man was doing his presentation. My daughter was sitting there at her desk listening. She saw me and lit up The glow damn near brought tears to my eyes. A big bright smile came to her face Her teacher also saw me and smiled 14 t727 8,838 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h A few more kids did there presentations and then my daughter was up. Man, listen. She killed it!! Everything we had practiced and then some. She was articulate, spoke clearly and loudly. She answered all questions from other students with ease 93 507 7010 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h When she finished and sat back down, I walked over to her desk, gave her a quick kiss on the forehead & told her "Amazing job!!" t370 4,236 4 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h Another one of my partners was there supporting his son. That dude had just got off work after working a 12 hours overnight shift, but was there to see his lil man. I stayed and watched his son's presentation. 520 7009 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h Afterwards we left and just talked about the sacrifices we make as fathers and how often we're overlooked. I appreciate the brothas in my circle. Great fathers who care 15 738 8,086 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h I left the school and got to work at like 10:45. I ain't care what nobody had to say. Nothing else mattered. An overwhelming feeling of pride has been with me all day. I look forward to getting home to give her another big hug and listen to her tell her story This is what being a real father is all about! Dads don’t sometimes get recognized so this warmed my heart by WVUGuy29 MORE MEMES
Android, Another One, and Dad: AngryMarn
 @AngryManTV
 Had a really proud dad moment today
 Dropped my oldest off at school at
 7:30. Helped her carry her project
 board to the classroom. She was like
 You coming back at 8.3O for my
 presentation?" Told her l couldn't cuz l
 had a 9am meeting in the office
 4:10 PM 3/18/19 Twitter for Android
 16.1K Retweets 46K Likes
 AngryMan @AngryManTV. 23h
 Replying to @AngryManTV
 Gave her a hug & kiss, then prayed with
 her, but knew she was disappointed
 Drove back home & got dressed for
 work. Was driving to the Metro when I
 detoured to her school. Grabbed my
 work phone & sent an email telling them
 I'd be in after 10.
 16
 450
 4,026
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h
 As hard as I worked with her on that
 project and rehearsing that presentation
 I had to be there. I needed to support my
 baby girl. Work could wait.
 916 t49 5,557
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h
 I hit her teacher with a Class Dojo
 (parents know.. LOL) message letting
 her know I was coming. "Please don't let
 her present without me there" I said. I
 got to the school at like 8:45, signed in &
 ran down the hall
 t2385
 3,894
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h
 I walked in the classroom as another
 young man was doing his presentation.
 My daughter was sitting there at her
 desk listening. She saw me and lit up
 The glow damn near brought tears to my
 eyes. A big bright smile came to her face
 Her teacher also saw me and smiled
 14 t727 8,838
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h
 A few more kids did there presentations
 and then my daughter was up. Man,
 listen. She killed it!! Everything we had
 practiced and then some. She was
 articulate, spoke clearly and loudly. She
 answered all questions from other
 students with ease
 93 507 7010
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h
 When she finished and sat back down, I
 walked over to her desk, gave her a quick
 kiss on the forehead & told her "Amazing
 job!!"
 t370
 4,236
 4
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h
 Another one of my partners was there
 supporting his son. That dude had just
 got off work after working a 12 hours
 overnight shift, but was there to see his
 lil man. I stayed and watched his son's
 presentation.
 520 7009
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h
 Afterwards we left and just talked about
 the sacrifices we make as fathers and
 how often we're overlooked. I appreciate
 the brothas in my circle. Great fathers
 who care
 15 738 8,086
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 23h
 I left the school and got to work at like
 10:45. I ain't care what nobody had to
 say. Nothing else mattered. An
 overwhelming feeling of pride has been
 with me all day. I look forward to getting
 home to give her another big hug and
 listen to her tell her story
This is what being a real father is all about! Dads don’t sometimes get recognized so this warmed my heart by WVUGuy29
MORE MEMES

This is what being a real father is all about! Dads don’t sometimes get recognized so this warmed my heart by WVUGuy29 MORE MEMES

Android, Another One, and Dad: AngryMan @AngryManTV Had a really proud dad moment today Dropped my oldest off at school at 7:30. Helped her carry her project board to the classroom. She was like You coming back at 8:30 for my presentation?" Told her I couldn't cuz I had a 9am meeting in the office 20:10 18 Mar 19 Twitter for Android 5,479 Retweets 15.1K Likes AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h Gave her a hug & kiss, then prayed with her but knew she was disappointed. Drove back home & got dressed for work. Was driving to the Metro when I detoured to her school Grabbed my work phone & sent an email telling them l'd be in after 10 97 tl 184 1,384 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h As hard as I worked with her on that project and rehearsing that presentation, I had to be there. I needed to support my baby girl. Work could wait. O12 t 182 1,956 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h I hit her teacher with a Class Dojo (parents know... LOL) message letting her know I was coming."Please don't let her present without me there" I said. I got to the school at like 8:45, signed in & ran down the hall AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h I walked in the classroom as another young man was doing his presentation. My daughter was sitting there at her desk listening. She saw me and lit up. The glow damn near brought tears to my eyes. A big bright smile came to her face. Her teacher also saw me and smiled 96 tl 270 3,320 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h A few more kids did there presentations and then my daughter was up. Man, listen. She killed it!! Everything we had practiced and then some. She was articulate, spoke clearly and loudly. She answered all questions from other students with ease 2 th 188 2,667 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h When she finished and sat back down,I walked over to her desk, gave her a quick kiss on the forehead & told her "Amazing job!!". 93 t 132 1,535 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h Another one of my partners was there supporting his son. That dude had just got off work after working a 12 hours overnight shift, but was there to see his lil' man. I stayed and watched his son's presentation. AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h Afterwards we left and just talked about the sacrifices we make as fathers and how often we're overlooked. I appreciate the brothas in my circle. Great fathers who care 96 t 270 2,991 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h I left the school and got to work at like 10:45 I ain't care what nobody had to say. Nothing else mattered. An overwhelming feeling of pride has been with me all day. I look forward to getting home to give her another big hug and listen to her tell her story 9115 355 5,602 The single most wholesome thread ever
Android, Another One, and Dad: AngryMan
 @AngryManTV
 Had a really proud dad moment today
 Dropped my oldest off at school at
 7:30. Helped her carry her project
 board to the classroom. She was
 like You coming back at 8:30 for my
 presentation?" Told her I couldn't cuz I
 had a 9am meeting in the office
 20:10 18 Mar 19 Twitter for Android
 5,479 Retweets 15.1K Likes
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 Gave her a hug & kiss, then prayed with her
 but knew she was disappointed. Drove back
 home & got dressed for work. Was driving to
 the Metro when I detoured to her school
 Grabbed my work phone & sent an email
 telling them l'd be in after 10
 97 tl 184 1,384
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 As hard as I worked with her on that project
 and rehearsing that presentation, I had to be
 there. I needed to support my baby girl. Work
 could wait.
 O12 t 182 1,956
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 I hit her teacher with a Class Dojo (parents
 know... LOL) message letting her know I was
 coming."Please don't let her present without
 me there" I said. I got to the school at like
 8:45, signed in & ran down the hall
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 I walked in the classroom as another young
 man was doing his presentation. My daughter
 was sitting there at her desk listening. She
 saw me and lit up. The glow damn near
 brought tears to my eyes. A big bright smile
 came to her face. Her teacher also saw me
 and smiled
 96 tl 270 3,320
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 A few more kids did there presentations and
 then my daughter was up. Man, listen. She
 killed it!! Everything we had practiced and
 then some. She was articulate, spoke clearly
 and loudly. She answered all questions from
 other students with ease
 2 th 188 2,667
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 When she finished and sat back down,I
 walked over to her desk, gave her a quick kiss
 on the forehead & told her "Amazing job!!".
 93 t 132 1,535
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 Another one of my partners was there
 supporting his son. That dude had just got off
 work after working a 12 hours overnight shift,
 but was there to see his lil' man. I stayed and
 watched his son's presentation.
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 Afterwards we left and just talked about the
 sacrifices we make as fathers and how often
 we're overlooked. I appreciate the brothas in
 my circle. Great fathers who care
 96 t 270 2,991
 AngryMan @AngryManTV 12h
 I left the school and got to work at like 10:45
 I ain't care what nobody had to say. Nothing
 else mattered. An overwhelming feeling of
 pride has been with me all day. I look forward
 to getting home to give her another big hug
 and listen to her tell her story
 9115
 355 5,602
The single most wholesome thread ever

The single most wholesome thread ever