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America, Ass, and England: tumblr Follow priscellie later-homenuggets my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit motherfucking australia amour-vengeance if there was a post to describe australia, this is it wait you mean to tell me this isn't even a pet bird? that in australia, you have wild birds that just fhy from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up? fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you? lumoslouis wake up australia That's what birds do They fly around and fuck shit up Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit kennilworthy-thisp It's cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel. happyvegetable Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes millshouse why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they're going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called "swooping season" and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it's fucking brutal. sociopathic-italian-grandmas My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us. gallifrey-feels no but when you're 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange ecnamor-lacimehc-ym what the actual fuck australia priscellie I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be in on the joke seananmcguire Nope Went there Parrots tried to take our car Came home IN A FUCKING HURRY 587,061 notes Now thats just fowl play
America, Ass, and England: tumblr
 Follow
 priscellie
 later-homenuggets
 my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this
 look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit
 motherfucking australia
 amour-vengeance
 if there was a post to describe australia, this is it
 wait
 you mean to tell me this isn't even a pet bird?
 that in australia, you have wild birds that just fhy from house to house with the
 express purpose of fucking shit up?
 fucking
 HELL australia, what is wrong with you?
 lumoslouis
 wake up australia
 That's what birds do
 They fly around and fuck shit up
 Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country
 Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy
 up the living room a little bit
 kennilworthy-thisp
 It's cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch
 spasmodically while you look for the shovel.
 happyvegetable
 Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do
 yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just
 sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes
 millshouse
 why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year
 where everybody just accepts that they're going to get attacked by magpies. It is
 literally called "swooping season" and these birds will fly down to peck your
 fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it's fucking brutal.
 sociopathic-italian-grandmas
 My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season.
 It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards
 the car as the magpies tried to kill us.
 gallifrey-feels
 no but when you're 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home
 from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit
 sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange
 ecnamor-lacimehc-ym
 what the actual fuck australia
 priscellie
 I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning
 trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be
 in on the joke
 seananmcguire
 Nope
 Went there
 Parrots tried to take our car
 Came home IN A FUCKING HURRY
 587,061 notes
Now thats just fowl play

Now thats just fowl play

Skyrim, Tumblr, and Blog: legionofpotatoes: and here we see a bethesda employee, seated at a standard bugged collision  desk, enjoying another productive day of porting skyrim around
Skyrim, Tumblr, and Blog: legionofpotatoes:
and here we see a bethesda employee, seated at a standard bugged collision  desk, enjoying another productive day of porting skyrim around

legionofpotatoes: and here we see a bethesda employee, seated at a standard bugged collision  desk, enjoying another productive day of porti...

Bad, Doctor, and Funny: "We all know you are faking being sick to avoid the class" Funny Popcorn This happened to me while i was in elementary school. Our mrs. math teacher really hated my guts for no reason really. She would always find an axcuse to lower my grades or blame me for something i didn't do. I was a pretty sick kid that had bad astma, dermatitis and was sickish in general. Thinking back, I think her hating me had a lot to do with that, as she felt i had "special treatment and privileges" One day we were doing a test and i started feeling very bad. It came to the point of really needing to puke but i held it in because i knew she wouldn't believe me. Theni started shaking and kinda puked a bit in my mouth so i stood up and started to go towards the toilet (we had a rule that anybody who has to go to the toilet can do so without asking) She ofcourse stopped me and told me to sit back down. I tried explaining but she wouldn't have it. One girl stood up to me and said something like "he is really pale and shaking and sweating, i think he needs to go home". That caused the teacher to go on a 5 minute rant how i'm a spoiled liar who didn't study for the test and now i'm trying to fool everybody and that i'm taking away their precious test time and they should hate me for that" I said i really need to puke and she just scoffed saying "You ain't going anywhere with your lies so you might as well do your imaginary puking here'". Yeah... You can guess what happened next. Not sure if this is compliance because i couldn't hold it in anymore anyway but i was so happy while doing it. First i puked a bit trough my arm and then it all went out. Across her desk (grading book was ruined) and all over the floor. She tried to blame me saying that i "threw up by force" but the principle didn't buy it after the doctor examined me. Nothing special happened to her but she never bothered me again. Everyone knows “that kid” who was sick in class but nobody knows “that teacher” who continues to harass a kid after they’ve thrown up all over the classroom
Bad, Doctor, and Funny: "We all know you are faking being sick to avoid the class"
 Funny Popcorn
 This happened to me while i was in elementary school. Our mrs. math teacher really
 hated my guts for no reason really. She would always find an axcuse to lower my
 grades or blame me for something i didn't do. I was a pretty sick kid that had bad
 astma, dermatitis and was sickish in general. Thinking back, I think her hating me had
 a lot to do with that, as she felt i had "special treatment and privileges"
 One day we were doing a test and i started feeling very bad. It came to the point of
 really needing to puke but i held it in because i knew she wouldn't believe me. Theni
 started shaking and kinda puked a bit in my mouth so i stood up and started to go
 towards the toilet (we had a rule that anybody who has to go to the toilet can do so
 without asking)
 She ofcourse stopped me and told me to sit back down. I tried explaining but she
 wouldn't have it. One girl stood up to me and said something like "he is really pale and
 shaking and sweating, i think he needs to go home". That caused the teacher to go on
 a 5 minute rant how i'm a spoiled liar who didn't study for the test and now i'm trying
 to fool everybody and that i'm taking away their precious test time and they should
 hate me for that" I said i really need to puke and she just scoffed saying "You ain't
 going anywhere with your lies so you might as well do your imaginary puking here'".
 Yeah... You can guess what happened next. Not sure if this is compliance because i
 couldn't hold it in anymore anyway but i was so happy while doing it. First i puked a
 bit trough my arm and then it all went out. Across her desk (grading book was ruined)
 and all over the floor. She tried to blame me saying that i "threw up by force" but the
 principle didn't buy it after the doctor examined me. Nothing special happened to her
 but she never bothered me again.
Everyone knows “that kid” who was sick in class but nobody knows “that teacher” who continues to harass a kid after they’ve thrown up all over the classroom

Everyone knows “that kid” who was sick in class but nobody knows “that teacher” who continues to harass a kid after they’ve thrown up all ov...

America, Apparently, and Ass: zornsable: reversingyourpolarity: elidyce: seananmcguire: priscellie: ecnamor-lacimehc-ym: gallifrey-feels: sociopathic-italian-grandmas: millshouse: meganiun: happyvegetable: kennilworthy-thisp: derinthemadscientist: lumoslouis: soloontherocks: amour-vengeance: later-homenuggets: my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit motherfucking australia if there was a post to describe australia, this is it wait.  you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird? that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up? fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you? wake up australia  That’s what birds do They fly around and fuck shit up Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel. Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal. My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us. no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange what the actual fuck australia  I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be in on the joke. Nope. Went there. Parrots tried to take our car. Came home IN A FUCKING HURRY. Interesting thing about magpies - they’re not great at identifying individual humans visually, but if you make yourself identifiable in some way they’re usually open to reason. We used to have some very aggressive swoopers in our back yard - as soon as they realised that the humans *inside* the fence never bothered them and were the source of the delicious compost heap, they turned into flying black and white guard dogs who would viciously assault any passing stranger but never bothered anyone inside the yard. Several times they swooped at us when we approached from outside, then when we walked into the yard they would pull up and act incredibly apologetic like sorry ma’am I had no idea it was you I would never please don’t stop stocking the food pile. There was another little group of magpies in the park who would attack any solo pedestrian but never bothered anyone walking a dog or pushing a pram, because apparently those were identifiable traits indicating a non-threatening human. In the spirit of inquiry, I started going out of my way to be polite to the magpies - carefully walking a wide arc around them when they were on the ground, etc - and emitting an identifiable call of ‘hello birdie’ before swooping season started.  I spent the next ten years crossing that park at least once a day and as long as I turned at the first flutter of wings and said ‘hello birdie’ to the magpie waiting to attack as soon as my back was turned, I was fine. Every time, the magpie would stare at me for a minute and then fly off to harass some other pedestrian because apparently the magpies and I, we were cool.  Parrots are a lot less open to negotiation, and the little bastards travel in flocks. Beware the parrots.  Australia: the only country where it is necessary to sign a peace treaty with the birds in order to stay unmangled. They did lose the Emu War, after all.
America, Apparently, and Ass: zornsable:
reversingyourpolarity:

elidyce:

seananmcguire:

priscellie:

ecnamor-lacimehc-ym:

gallifrey-feels:

sociopathic-italian-grandmas:

millshouse:

meganiun:

happyvegetable:

kennilworthy-thisp:

derinthemadscientist:

lumoslouis:

soloontherocks:

amour-vengeance:

later-homenuggets:

my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this
look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit
motherfucking australia

if there was a post to describe australia, this is it

wait. 
you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird?
that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up?
fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you?

wake up australia 

That’s what birds do
They fly around and fuck shit up
Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country
Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit

It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel.

Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do

yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes

why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal.

My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us.

no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange

what the actual fuck australia 

I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be in on the joke.

Nope.
Went there.
Parrots tried to take our car.
Came home IN A FUCKING HURRY.

Interesting thing about magpies - they’re not great at identifying individual humans visually, but if you make yourself identifiable in some way they’re usually open to reason. We used to have some very aggressive swoopers in our back yard - as soon as they realised that the humans *inside* the fence never bothered them and were the source of the delicious compost heap, they turned into flying black and white guard dogs who would viciously assault any passing stranger but never bothered anyone inside the yard. Several times they swooped at us when we approached from outside, then when we walked into the yard they would pull up and act incredibly apologetic like sorry ma’am I had no idea it was you I would never please don’t stop stocking the food pile.
There was another little group of magpies in the park who would attack any solo pedestrian but never bothered anyone walking a dog or pushing a pram, because apparently those were identifiable traits indicating a non-threatening human. In the spirit of inquiry, I started going out of my way to be polite to the magpies - carefully walking a wide arc around them when they were on the ground, etc - and emitting an identifiable call of ‘hello birdie’ before swooping season started. 
I spent the next ten years crossing that park at least once a day and as long as I turned at the first flutter of wings and said ‘hello birdie’ to the magpie waiting to attack as soon as my back was turned, I was fine. Every time, the magpie would stare at me for a minute and then fly off to harass some other pedestrian because apparently the magpies and I, we were cool. 
Parrots are a lot less open to negotiation, and the little bastards travel in flocks. Beware the parrots. 

Australia: the only country where it is necessary to sign a peace treaty with the birds in order to stay unmangled. 

They did lose the Emu War, after all.

zornsable: reversingyourpolarity: elidyce: seananmcguire: priscellie: ecnamor-lacimehc-ym: gallifrey-feels: sociopathic-italian-grandm...

Disappointed, Saw, and Desk: Saw a sketchbook on my radiologists desk, asked if she drew and was not disappointed
Disappointed, Saw, and Desk: Saw a sketchbook on my radiologists desk, asked if she drew and was not disappointed

Saw a sketchbook on my radiologists desk, asked if she drew and was not disappointed

College, Fucking, and Saw: I REALI FUCKIN IKE CAT deadcatwithaflamethrower OK people I still want to stab over a decade later: Creative Writing Professor at a former college: Welcome to creative writing! By the way, you will not write fantasy, ghost stories, pranormal, or science fiction in this class, as this is a creative writing course." morgynleri What the ever loving fuck is with "creative" writing professors who think that speculative fiction of any stripe ISN'T CREATIVE? thebibliosphere I still remember my own creative writing teacher telling me this because he saw the Terry Pratchett book on my desk and got this smug smirk on his face like "aha, gotcha". He had the nerve to pick it up and call it "popularist fiction" like somehow being popular and easily accessible made it less inherent in intellectual value I had it in my back pack because I did my final thesis on the evolution of mythology and folk tails into fantasy and sci-fi and the societal importance of telling stories (before anyone asks, no I don't have it, I lost it when I moved continents), and l used Terry Pratchett because there wasn't a single humanitarian issue the man did not touch on. Which I told him. And then he kind of floundered and went "ah, well but, it's...well I mean it's not exactly high brow", like neither the fuck was Shakespeare or Dickens you self-important turnip. Dickens was literally selling his stories by the chapter. He was the popular author of his time. Shakespeare was too, he fucking made up words and phrases all the time because the language he needed to express himself didn't exist in the way he needed it too. Intellectual elitism is nothing more than a hold over from class warfare and the belief that only certain people should get to be truly educated. And it needs to be smashed. vocifersaurus neither the fuck was Shakespeare or Dickens you self-important turnip Creative Writing
College, Fucking, and Saw: I REALI
 FUCKIN
 IKE CAT
 deadcatwithaflamethrower
 OK
 people I still want to stab over
 a decade later:
 Creative Writing Professor at a former college:
 Welcome to creative writing! By the way, you will not
 write fantasy, ghost stories, pranormal, or science
 fiction in this class, as this is a creative writing
 course."
 morgynleri
 What the ever loving fuck is with "creative" writing
 professors who think that speculative fiction of any
 stripe ISN'T CREATIVE?
 thebibliosphere
 I still remember my own creative writing teacher
 telling me this because he saw the Terry Pratchett
 book on my desk and got this smug smirk on his
 face like "aha, gotcha". He had the nerve to pick it up
 and call it "popularist fiction" like somehow being
 popular and easily accessible made it less inherent in
 intellectual value
 I had it in my back pack because I did my final thesis
 on the evolution of mythology and folk tails into
 fantasy and sci-fi and the societal importance of
 telling stories (before anyone asks, no I don't have it,
 I lost it when I moved continents), and l used Terry
 Pratchett because there wasn't a single
 humanitarian issue the man did not touch on.
 Which I told him. And then he kind of floundered and
 went "ah, well but, it's...well I mean it's not exactly
 high brow", like neither the fuck was Shakespeare or
 Dickens you self-important turnip. Dickens was
 literally selling his stories by the chapter. He was the
 popular author of his time. Shakespeare was too, he
 fucking made up words and phrases all the time
 because the language he needed to express himself
 didn't exist in the way he needed it too.
 Intellectual elitism is nothing more than a hold over
 from class warfare and the belief that only certain
 people should get to be truly educated. And it needs
 to be smashed.
 vocifersaurus
 neither the fuck was Shakespeare or Dickens you
 self-important turnip
Creative Writing

Creative Writing