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    device: rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.



    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                device: rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.



                
            

            
            
rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full...

            
            
        

    



        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            







    device: Hey, plot device!
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                device: Hey, plot device!
                
            

            
            
Hey, plot device!

            
            
        

    



        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            







    device: Results for herbie goes thermonuclear
 (without quotes):

 How "Herbie Goes Bananas" Led to a
 Radioactive Disaster | Commonplace Fun ...
 https://commonplacefacts.wordpress.com >
 Mobile-friendly - May 8, 2015 - Herbie Goes
 Bananas, the 1980 film about a Volkswagen Beetle
 that is
 Few could have guessed, however, that it
 ...
 would play a part in one of the worst nuclear
 disasters in history.
astrofyre:
grimelords:
the internet is a cauldron that you speak your wishes into and then watch on in horror as they come bubbling to the surface


Ok so this was too wild for me to see and not know the context so i just looked up the article and apparently there was a nuclear site in brazil that shifted its location in 1985, abandoning its old one, but the court ordered private security to be held over the abandoned site while the outcome of lawsuits were pending after there were litigations about the contents of the area
And on the one day that one of the security guards didnt show up to work, two scavangers looted the abandoned nuclear site and took a bunch of radioactive shit (including a capsule of Cesium Chloride and a Radiotherapy device core) -which they would have no idea were as dangerous as they were until later in the day when they both started displaying symptoms of radiation; vomiting, diarrhea, dizziness, external burns where the capsule had been exposed to. 
After breaking the radioactive core open, one of the looters noticed the contents appeared as a “glowing blue” powder-like substance. He proceeded to sell it to a local scrapyard, and the owner of said yard invited every person he could to come witness the mysterious powder.
By this time, multiple of one of the looter’s fingers, and the other’s forearm had needed amputation due to the effects of direct exposure, and after 2 weeks of the radiactive goods’ theft, 6 locations had been contaminated and 112,000 people were examined for radiation exposure, about 1,000 of these people identified as having recieved “more than a year’s worth of background radiation”
All because this security guard played hooky and took his family to see Herbie Goes Bananas.

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                device: Results for herbie goes thermonuclear
 (without quotes):

 How "Herbie Goes Bananas" Led to a
 Radioactive Disaster | Commonplace Fun ...
 https://commonplacefacts.wordpress.com >
 Mobile-friendly - May 8, 2015 - Herbie Goes
 Bananas, the 1980 film about a Volkswagen Beetle
 that is
 Few could have guessed, however, that it
 ...
 would play a part in one of the worst nuclear
 disasters in history.
astrofyre:
grimelords:
the internet is a cauldron that you speak your wishes into and then watch on in horror as they come bubbling to the surface


Ok so this was too wild for me to see and not know the context so i just looked up the article and apparently there was a nuclear site in brazil that shifted its location in 1985, abandoning its old one, but the court ordered private security to be held over the abandoned site while the outcome of lawsuits were pending after there were litigations about the contents of the area
And on the one day that one of the security guards didnt show up to work, two scavangers looted the abandoned nuclear site and took a bunch of radioactive shit (including a capsule of Cesium Chloride and a Radiotherapy device core) -which they would have no idea were as dangerous as they were until later in the day when they both started displaying symptoms of radiation; vomiting, diarrhea, dizziness, external burns where the capsule had been exposed to. 
After breaking the radioactive core open, one of the looters noticed the contents appeared as a “glowing blue” powder-like substance. He proceeded to sell it to a local scrapyard, and the owner of said yard invited every person he could to come witness the mysterious powder.
By this time, multiple of one of the looter’s fingers, and the other’s forearm had needed amputation due to the effects of direct exposure, and after 2 weeks of the radiactive goods’ theft, 6 locations had been contaminated and 112,000 people were examined for radiation exposure, about 1,000 of these people identified as having recieved “more than a year’s worth of background radiation”
All because this security guard played hooky and took his family to see Herbie Goes Bananas.

                
            

            
            
astrofyre:
grimelords:
the internet is a cauldron that you speak your wishes into and then watch on in horror as they come bubbling to th...

            
            
        

    



        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            







    device: Joey Saladino O @JoeySalads · 25 Sep
 If Trump gets impeached, I will donate my Left
 testicle to medical research.
 You can quote me on this.
 t7 748
 957
 3,583
 Trevisaurus Rex @Trevisaur · 23s
 Pay up, you piss-drinking nazi.
littlebabypubert:

threadzless:

aphony-cree:

bscully:

swevicki:

dude-its-liz:


libertybill:







Ok but damn you gotto give it to him, dude actually did it.


Bullshit. He didn’t. He’s pulling a PR stunt right now.


From a quick googling, national testicle association doesn’t exist anywhere. Most hits track back to news articles to this subject matter, but there is NO actual association with that exact name (Did all these fucks who created their clickbait articles around the web even bother to check…?)
“Sincerely, Dick N bawls”? Lol seriously tumblr are you this gullible
everyone can take a picture of them wearing a oxygen tube, especially if it doesn’t seem to connect to anywhere (= normally a oxygen device or similar  should be next to his bed). They can be detached to the main tube, leaving only the piece that wraps around your your ears/head, that’s exactly how that photo looks like. I should have taken a pic like that last time I was in the hospital just to bullshit people on social media lmao

Also this:
Where’s that Testicle Association you’re speaking of?

That NTA logo on the letterhead is from the Nutritional Therapy Association (x)



If you expected a nazi to act with integrity you haven’t been paying attention 

This website is sooo fucking unbelievably stupid imagine needing an entire dissertation to understand that this neo-nazi did not actually donate his left testicle to the “National Testicle Association” and produce a document signed by a real man named Dick N Bawls

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                device: Joey Saladino O @JoeySalads · 25 Sep
 If Trump gets impeached, I will donate my Left
 testicle to medical research.
 You can quote me on this.
 t7 748
 957
 3,583
 Trevisaurus Rex @Trevisaur · 23s
 Pay up, you piss-drinking nazi.
littlebabypubert:

threadzless:

aphony-cree:

bscully:

swevicki:

dude-its-liz:


libertybill:







Ok but damn you gotto give it to him, dude actually did it.


Bullshit. He didn’t. He’s pulling a PR stunt right now.


From a quick googling, national testicle association doesn’t exist anywhere. Most hits track back to news articles to this subject matter, but there is NO actual association with that exact name (Did all these fucks who created their clickbait articles around the web even bother to check…?)
“Sincerely, Dick N bawls”? Lol seriously tumblr are you this gullible
everyone can take a picture of them wearing a oxygen tube, especially if it doesn’t seem to connect to anywhere (= normally a oxygen device or similar  should be next to his bed). They can be detached to the main tube, leaving only the piece that wraps around your your ears/head, that’s exactly how that photo looks like. I should have taken a pic like that last time I was in the hospital just to bullshit people on social media lmao

Also this:
Where’s that Testicle Association you’re speaking of?

That NTA logo on the letterhead is from the Nutritional Therapy Association (x)



If you expected a nazi to act with integrity you haven’t been paying attention 

This website is sooo fucking unbelievably stupid imagine needing an entire dissertation to understand that this neo-nazi did not actually donate his left testicle to the “National Testicle Association” and produce a document signed by a real man named Dick N Bawls

                
            

            
            
littlebabypubert:

threadzless:

aphony-cree:

bscully:

swevicki:

dude-its-liz:


libertybill:







Ok but damn you gotto give it to...

            
            
        

    



        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            







    device: kasperskky
 YOUR CHILD SEARCHED
 RESTRICTED TOPICS
 Sunday, Nov 03, 06:25 PM (time in the child's device time zone)
 Strairdrac The Netherwatcher searched for "Teaching crabs how to read"
 which is considered forbidden knowledge under your current parental control
 settings.
 DETAILED REPORT
 Sincerely
 The Kaspersky team
godtsol:
F̵̨͙̭̦͈̤̙͙̟̤̩̬̻͍̘̥̫̪̫̺̥̫̩͓͆͆̓́̔̍̍̔̔̓̍̀̋̕͜ͅỌ̵̶̗͕̼̙̲̜̭̬̰͈̥̱̲͇̟͓̫̦̜̬̼͕͎̞͍͙̹͎̟̣̺̫̗̌̊̏́͂̏̾̑̂̓̈́̈͛̀̒̐͒̂̅̾̎̇̽̀͗̾̍̊̾̔̓͊̚͢͝͝ͅR̶̛̛̟̺̺̙͎̹̙̫̲̭̃͋̃͊̏̃̓̅̓̔̈͗̀̄̒̒̒̊̏̔͊̀̈́̕B̴͎̯̘̱̼̤̭̆̏̕͜Ȋ̷̪̞̝̲͓̩̼̤̞̫͖̝̩̈́͐́̃͌̇̂̀͘̚͜͝͠҉̷̢͓̤͖̯̰͎͕̤̹̞̱̯̣̥̘͇̗͇̮̜̣̲̠̺̎̀͊̃̑́̓͑͂͂̕͘D̷̡̧̡͎̠͉͖͚̣̳̯̜͎͙͈͊̈́̓̄̈́̈̓̈́̓͘͘͝͠Ḍ̶̨̖̺̟̮̣̗̩̼̯̗̟̱̝̫͖̂̆̉̔͊̅̽͒̽̆̾̊͑̉̚͝ͅË̸̡͕̣̭͖̘̱̯̏͊̓̊̒̇̏͗̚̚ͅN̴̨̼͇̥̤̮̠̖̰̭̤̞̖̙̟͍͚̣̥͕͒̃̄ ̶̨̛̛̛̼̤̻̪͕͖͖̪͈̲͎̩̟̥͕͌͌̏́̎͋͊̀͒̍̍́̏̕̚͝͠͝ͅK̸̖͔̲͉̲͖̺̥̪͚̰̲̮̘͔͔̳͙̄̍͛͒̈́̂̿̋̓̊̇͐͛̈́̍͊͆͑̆̕͝͠͠ͅN̴̡̨̛͚̬͎̘̼̲̭̺̝̘̭̼͚͙͈͖̥͙̝͕͙̩̖̼͂̂̃̈́̀͒̀̎͛̀́̿͌͋̊̕͠͝ͅǪ̵̪͚̘͇͍͈͉͚͍̅́̃̿͝W̷̨̛͚̭̹̹̘̹̖̟̼̫̎̈́̀̆̀͌͛̋͋̋͒̿̎̌̇̓͘̚͘̕̕͝͠L̵͚̤͇̱̗̟̟͍̈͗͆̒̇̀́͋͛̍͘̕͝͝͝Ȩ̴̰̱̳̟͖̜̼̻͔͎͖̰̤̲̳̽̀̌͌̈́̅̾̓̒͗͗̓̈́̽̉͛̈́̏͐̃͘̕̕͝͝ͅḐ̵͚̠́̍G̸̡̨̛͍̩̮̘̝̩̱͈͓̃̅̽̽̒̀͋̿̀̉̒̏̑͋͊̿́̽̕̕͝Ȩ̶̦̯͓̝͇̗̖̠̜̠̹̰͎͚̗͍̝͌̋̀̃̒̆̍̈́͌
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                device: kasperskky
 YOUR CHILD SEARCHED
 RESTRICTED TOPICS
 Sunday, Nov 03, 06:25 PM (time in the child's device time zone)
 Strairdrac The Netherwatcher searched for "Teaching crabs how to read"
 which is considered forbidden knowledge under your current parental control
 settings.
 DETAILED REPORT
 Sincerely
 The Kaspersky team
godtsol:
F̵̨͙̭̦͈̤̙͙̟̤̩̬̻͍̘̥̫̪̫̺̥̫̩͓͆͆̓́̔̍̍̔̔̓̍̀̋̕͜ͅỌ̵̶̗͕̼̙̲̜̭̬̰͈̥̱̲͇̟͓̫̦̜̬̼͕͎̞͍͙̹͎̟̣̺̫̗̌̊̏́͂̏̾̑̂̓̈́̈͛̀̒̐͒̂̅̾̎̇̽̀͗̾̍̊̾̔̓͊̚͢͝͝ͅR̶̛̛̟̺̺̙͎̹̙̫̲̭̃͋̃͊̏̃̓̅̓̔̈͗̀̄̒̒̒̊̏̔͊̀̈́̕B̴͎̯̘̱̼̤̭̆̏̕͜Ȋ̷̪̞̝̲͓̩̼̤̞̫͖̝̩̈́͐́̃͌̇̂̀͘̚͜͝͠҉̷̢͓̤͖̯̰͎͕̤̹̞̱̯̣̥̘͇̗͇̮̜̣̲̠̺̎̀͊̃̑́̓͑͂͂̕͘D̷̡̧̡͎̠͉͖͚̣̳̯̜͎͙͈͊̈́̓̄̈́̈̓̈́̓͘͘͝͠Ḍ̶̨̖̺̟̮̣̗̩̼̯̗̟̱̝̫͖̂̆̉̔͊̅̽͒̽̆̾̊͑̉̚͝ͅË̸̡͕̣̭͖̘̱̯̏͊̓̊̒̇̏͗̚̚ͅN̴̨̼͇̥̤̮̠̖̰̭̤̞̖̙̟͍͚̣̥͕͒̃̄ ̶̨̛̛̛̼̤̻̪͕͖͖̪͈̲͎̩̟̥͕͌͌̏́̎͋͊̀͒̍̍́̏̕̚͝͠͝ͅK̸̖͔̲͉̲͖̺̥̪͚̰̲̮̘͔͔̳͙̄̍͛͒̈́̂̿̋̓̊̇͐͛̈́̍͊͆͑̆̕͝͠͠ͅN̴̡̨̛͚̬͎̘̼̲̭̺̝̘̭̼͚͙͈͖̥͙̝͕͙̩̖̼͂̂̃̈́̀͒̀̎͛̀́̿͌͋̊̕͠͝ͅǪ̵̪͚̘͇͍͈͉͚͍̅́̃̿͝W̷̨̛͚̭̹̹̘̹̖̟̼̫̎̈́̀̆̀͌͛̋͋̋͒̿̎̌̇̓͘̚͘̕̕͝͠L̵͚̤͇̱̗̟̟͍̈͗͆̒̇̀́͋͛̍͘̕͝͝͝Ȩ̴̰̱̳̟͖̜̼̻͔͎͖̰̤̲̳̽̀̌͌̈́̅̾̓̒͗͗̓̈́̽̉͛̈́̏͐̃͘̕̕͝͝ͅḐ̵͚̠́̍G̸̡̨̛͍̩̮̘̝̩̱͈͓̃̅̽̽̒̀͋̿̀̉̒̏̑͋͊̿́̽̕̕͝Ȩ̶̦̯͓̝͇̗̖̠̜̠̹̰͎͚̗͍̝͌̋̀̃̒̆̍̈́͌
                
            

            
            
godtsol:
F̵̨͙̭̦͈̤̙͙̟̤̩̬̻͍̘̥̫̪̫̺̥̫̩͓͆͆̓́̔̍̍̔̔̓̍̀̋̕͜ͅỌ̵̶̗͕̼̙̲̜̭̬̰͈̥̱̲͇̟͓̫̦̜̬̼͕͎̞͍͙̹͎̟̣̺̫̗̌̊̏́͂̏̾̑̂̓̈́̈͛̀̒̐͒̂̅̾̎̇̽̀͗̾̍̊̾̔̓͊̚͢͝͝ͅR̶̛̃͋̃͊̏̃̓̅...