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Diaper: This tag on my daughter’s reusable swim diaper.
Diaper: This tag on my daughter’s reusable swim diaper.

This tag on my daughter’s reusable swim diaper.

Diaper: This tag on my daughter’s reusable swim diaper.
Diaper: This tag on my daughter’s reusable swim diaper.

This tag on my daughter’s reusable swim diaper.

Diaper: This tag on my daughter’s reusable swim diaper.
Diaper: This tag on my daughter’s reusable swim diaper.

This tag on my daughter’s reusable swim diaper.

Diaper: arminarlerted story time: i taught my little cousin her first longer word when she was very young. i taught her to say "tax benefits. and to this day my aunt still doesn't know where she got it from, but it was a hilarious sight to see a little toddler waddling around the house, wearing a big diaper, all the while yelling TAX BENEFITS!!!I osmanthusoolong My parents did this with me and "nuclear disarmament bradkey I taught my little brother to say micro-surgical vasectomy reversal" (saw it on a billboard) on a road trip, and he didn't stop saying it for literal years. missvoltairine My parents taught me to chant "Get your laws off our bodies!" for a pro-choice rally when I was like four and I went to preschool and taught all the other kids the chant and led them on a mini-parade around the playground and the teachers were like ?????????? ?????????? ???????????? blossomfae whenever my brother threw a tantrum as a baby my parents would chant live free or die" until he calmed down it was fuckin weird lornacrowley when i was a kid whenever we got stuck in traffic my dad would say "what the fuck?1? in a very comic voice and i would repeat it and then he would say it with a slightly different inflection and i would repeat that too and so forth and so basically my poor mother would be stuck in standstill traffic listening to her husband and 4 yr old daughter swearing at each other without end waspabi i'm a preschool teacher and we like to joke around using radical vocabulary with the children, the other day i overheard one kid say this is my truck and the other one said 'no, this truck belongs to the collective they all say it now haledamage whenever anyone picks up my daughter or she goes upstairs, she announces "I ASCEND it's the best thing I ASCEND
Diaper: arminarlerted
 story time: i taught my little cousin her first longer word when she was very
 young. i taught her to say "tax benefits. and to this day my aunt still doesn't
 know where she got it from, but it was a hilarious sight to see a little toddler
 waddling around the house, wearing a big diaper, all the while yelling TAX
 BENEFITS!!!I
 osmanthusoolong
 My parents did this with me and "nuclear disarmament
 bradkey
 I taught my little brother to say micro-surgical vasectomy reversal" (saw it on a
 billboard) on a road trip, and he didn't stop saying it for literal years.
 missvoltairine
 My parents taught me to chant "Get your laws off our bodies!" for a pro-choice
 rally when I was like four and I went to preschool and taught all the other kids
 the chant and led them on a mini-parade around the playground and the
 teachers were like ?????????? ?????????? ????????????
 blossomfae
 whenever my brother threw a tantrum as a baby my parents would chant live
 free or die" until he calmed down it was fuckin weird
 lornacrowley
 when i was a kid whenever we got stuck in traffic my dad would say "what the
 fuck?1? in a very comic voice and i would repeat it and then he would say it with
 a slightly different inflection and i would repeat that too and so forth and so
 basically my poor mother would be stuck in standstill traffic listening to her
 husband and 4 yr old daughter swearing at each other without end
 waspabi
 i'm a preschool teacher and we like to joke around using radical vocabulary with
 the children, the other day i overheard one kid say this is my truck and the other
 one said 'no, this truck belongs to the collective they all say it now
 haledamage
 whenever anyone picks up my daughter or she goes upstairs, she announces "I
 ASCEND it's the best thing
I ASCEND

I ASCEND

Diaper: AN AVERAGE SATURDAY MORNING: WITH KIDS VS. WITHOUT KID WITH KIDS TIME WITHOUT KIDS Time to get up! Someone peed 6:00 You won't be getting up for 5 through his diaper and now your bed is covered in urine more You change a diaper and try to get the kid to sleep a little longer but now the he's yelling zoo animals and doing flips on the 6:30 You made some breakfast for your child, but today he decided he hates eggs. He's saying he wants "scrims" but you don't know what that means. He won't explain and just keeps yelling "scrims" louder and louder 7:00 Your pillow got a little warm so you turn it over and go back to You've now watched the same episode of Spongebob four times. One time you tried to change it over to the news and your kid shoved a spoon in the Tranquil visions dance in your 8:00 O0 head as the sweet embrace of slumber engulfs your resting body You attempt to take a shower but your kid keeps throwing can openers into the tub. You weren't aware that you hacd multiple can openers An angel comes down and gently kisses your forehead. Sleep well, sweet prince 8:30 You walk upstairs to your room, but didn't realize your kid was using the stairs as a stunt zone for Hot Wheels and you slip on one and nearly die as you tumble back down to the A hummingbird perches itself outside your window and sings a sweet lullaby. He blows you a kiss and soars away 9:00 You try to finally go to the bathroom, but forgot to lock the door so now your kid is crying because you won't let him dump sand in your lap. He dumps it on the dog instead. The sand was actually used cat litter You wake briefly to adjust your sleep number. (You bought an adjustable bed with all the disposable income you have from not having a kid.) 9:30 You hear laughter, which is almost more terrifying than crying. You walk in the living room to see your kid making 10:00 S Still sleeping soundly, like a puppy in front of a crackling snow angels in glue. There's no way you're getting your deposit back with a giant glue angel in the middle of the carpet Your kid doses off and you try to catch up on your favorite show You stir a little and check your texts. Your friend wants to go to brunch later. That sounds nice 30 more minutes of sleep and you'll get ready for that. Maybe go to mall later or ride go-karts Unfortunately, six minutes into it 10:30 there's a dramatic moment where the music builds and your kid is now wide-awake. (Screw You get everyone loaded into the car to go to the zoo, even though it's 90 degrees and so humid taxidermy is coming back to life. Your kid yells a racial slur he heard in a movie. Out of all the words he's heard, that's the only one that stuck. You wake up feeling refreshed and beautiful. You know what? It's Saturday. Let's just lie in the bed a while and watch a movie 11:00 srsfunny:Saturdays With Kids Vs. Without Kids
Diaper: AN AVERAGE SATURDAY MORNING:
 WITH KIDS VS. WITHOUT KID
 WITH KIDS TIME WITHOUT KIDS
 Time to get up! Someone peed 6:00
 You won't be getting up for 5
 through his diaper and now your
 bed is covered in urine
 more
 You change a diaper and try to
 get the kid to sleep a little longer
 but now the he's yelling zoo
 animals and doing flips on the
 6:30
 You made some breakfast for
 your child, but today he decided
 he hates eggs. He's saying he
 wants "scrims" but you don't
 know what that means. He won't
 explain and just keeps yelling
 "scrims" louder and louder
 7:00
 Your pillow got a little warm so
 you turn it over and go back to
 You've now watched the same
 episode of Spongebob four
 times. One time you tried to
 change it over to the news and
 your kid shoved a spoon in the
 Tranquil visions dance in your
 8:00
 O0
 head as the sweet embrace of
 slumber engulfs your resting
 body
 You attempt to take a shower
 but your kid keeps throwing can
 openers into the tub. You
 weren't aware that you hacd
 multiple can openers
 An angel comes down and
 gently kisses your forehead.
 Sleep well, sweet prince
 8:30
 You walk upstairs to your room,
 but didn't realize your kid was
 using the stairs as a stunt zone
 for Hot Wheels and you slip on
 one and nearly die as you
 tumble back down to the
 A hummingbird perches itself
 outside your window and sings a
 sweet lullaby. He blows you a
 kiss and soars away
 9:00
 You try to finally go to the
 bathroom, but forgot to lock the
 door so now your kid is crying
 because you won't let him dump
 sand in your lap. He dumps it on
 the dog instead. The sand was
 actually used cat litter
 You wake briefly to adjust your
 sleep number. (You bought an
 adjustable bed with all the
 disposable income you have
 from not having a kid.)
 9:30
 You hear laughter, which is
 almost more terrifying than
 crying. You walk in the living
 room to see your kid making 10:00
 S
 Still sleeping soundly, like a
 puppy in front of a crackling
 snow angels in glue. There's no
 way you're getting your deposit
 back with a giant glue angel in
 the middle of the carpet
 Your kid doses off and you try to
 catch up on your favorite show
 You stir a little and check your
 texts. Your friend wants to go to
 brunch later. That sounds nice
 30 more minutes of sleep and
 you'll get ready for that. Maybe
 go to mall later or ride go-karts
 Unfortunately, six minutes into it 10:30
 there's a dramatic moment
 where the music builds and your
 kid is now wide-awake. (Screw
 You get everyone loaded into
 the car to go to the zoo, even
 though it's 90 degrees and so
 humid taxidermy is coming back
 to life. Your kid yells a racial slur
 he heard in a movie. Out of all
 the words he's heard, that's the
 only one that stuck.
 You wake up feeling refreshed
 and beautiful. You know what?
 It's Saturday. Let's just lie in the
 bed a while and watch a movie
 11:00
srsfunny:Saturdays With Kids Vs. Without Kids

srsfunny:Saturdays With Kids Vs. Without Kids