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Apple, Fall, and God: ++ProfCupcake 4.8k points 15 days ago -You can't call yourself a real programmer unless you built the chip yourself Reply Share Report Save ++qsdf321 2.6k points 15 days ago Only if you've mined the silicon manually Reply Share Report Save ++ProfCupcake 1.5k points 15 days ago -- Pff. Amateur. You're only a real programmer if you planted the silicon in the rock yourself. Reply Share Report Save ++ 2Punx2Furious us _ well, I was part of the star that went supernova and made all the silicon on 1.0k points 15 days ago earth, so I kind of did (but so are you) Reply Share Report Save ++morphoyle 503 points15 days ago -I already invented the universe in an attempt to make an apple pie Does that count? Reply Share Report Save ++signalwave 431 points 15 days ago -- Can we talk? I have a few... feature requests. Reply Share Report Save ++MyceliumSpirit 258 points 15 days ago -- Personally would like some bugs fixed Reply Share Report Save ++Nekopawed 445 points 15 days ago -- Fixed memory dump when walking into a new room Fixed issue where eyelash, that is meant to prevent things falling into your eye, would fall into your eye Patched dreams.dll to allow for lucid dreaming as a startup parameter Removed dream where you forgot you had a class you needed to graduate from the dream rotation. Nerfed damage from stubbing toe to slight discomfort from near fatal. Made common sense a common trait from uncommon. Added garbage collection for inside of eyes to reduce impact of floaters. Fixed issue where cells would randomly start replicating out of control causing a fatal crash before end of product life Reply Share Report Save ++devoxel 165 points 15 days ago If god was a programmer
Apple, Fall, and God: ++ProfCupcake 4.8k points 15 days ago
 -You can't call yourself a real programmer unless you built the chip yourself
 Reply Share Report Save
 ++qsdf321 2.6k points 15 days ago
 Only if you've mined the silicon manually
 Reply Share Report Save
 ++ProfCupcake 1.5k points 15 days ago
 -- Pff. Amateur. You're only a real programmer if you planted the silicon in the
 rock yourself.
 Reply Share Report Save
 ++ 2Punx2Furious us
 _ well, I was part of the star that went supernova and made all the silicon on
 1.0k points 15 days ago
 earth, so I kind of did (but so are you)
 Reply Share Report Save
 ++morphoyle 503 points15 days ago
 -I already invented the universe in an attempt to make an apple pie
 Does that count?
 Reply Share Report Save
 ++signalwave 431 points 15 days ago
 -- Can we talk? I have a few... feature requests.
 Reply Share Report Save
 ++MyceliumSpirit 258 points 15 days ago
 -- Personally would like some bugs fixed
 Reply Share Report Save
 ++Nekopawed 445 points 15 days ago
 -- Fixed memory dump when walking into a new room
 Fixed issue where eyelash, that is meant to prevent things
 falling into your eye, would fall into your eye
 Patched dreams.dll to allow for lucid dreaming as a startup
 parameter
 Removed dream where you forgot you had a class you needed
 to graduate from the dream rotation.
 Nerfed damage from stubbing toe to slight discomfort from
 near fatal.
 Made common sense a common trait from uncommon.
 Added garbage collection for inside of eyes to reduce impact
 of floaters.
 Fixed issue where cells would randomly start replicating out of
 control causing a fatal crash before end of product life
 Reply Share Report Save
 ++devoxel 165 points 15 days ago
If god was a programmer

If god was a programmer

Beef, Elf, and News: Shakespeare Insult Kit To create a Shakespearean insult Combine one word from each of the three columns below, prefaced with "Thou" Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 artless ba beslubbering bootless churlish base-court bat-fowling beef-witted beetle-headed boil-brained clapper-clawed clay-brained common-kissing crook-pated dismal-dreaming dizzy-eyed doghearted dread-bolted earth-vexing elf-skinned fat-kidneyed en-sucked Elap-mouthed fly-bitten folly-fallen fool-born full-gorg baggage barnacle bladder bugbear bum-bailey canker-blossom clack-dish clotpole cox codpiece death-token craven currish dissembling errant awning tobbing froward frothy gleeking goatish gorbellied impertinent infectious arring loggerheaded lumpish manmering mang mewling paunchy pribbling puking CL flax-wench flirt-gill foot-licker fustilarian giglet ud haggard half-taced hasty-witted hedge-pig horn-beast hugger-mugger joithead lewdster idle-headed i11-breeding i1l-nurtured knotty-pated milk-livered motley-minded onion-eyed plume-plucked pottle-deep pox-marked reeling-ripe rough-hewn rude-growing maggot-pie malt-worm qualling rank ree measle minnow miscreant moldwarp mumble-news nut-hook pigeon-egg pignut puttock pumpion ratsbane scut skainsmate ruttish saucy pleeny tottering UnMUzzLed shard-borne sheep-biting spur-galled swag-bellied tardy-gaited tickle-brained ve villainous wayward yeasty varlot vassa whey-face d-spotted unchin-snouted weather-bitten you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: Shakespeare Kit
Beef, Elf, and News: Shakespeare Insult Kit
 To create a Shakespearean insult
 Combine one word from each of the three columns below, prefaced with "Thou"
 Column 1
 Column 2
 Column 3
 artless
 ba
 beslubbering
 bootless
 churlish
 base-court
 bat-fowling
 beef-witted
 beetle-headed
 boil-brained
 clapper-clawed
 clay-brained
 common-kissing
 crook-pated
 dismal-dreaming
 dizzy-eyed
 doghearted
 dread-bolted
 earth-vexing
 elf-skinned
 fat-kidneyed
 en-sucked
 Elap-mouthed
 fly-bitten
 folly-fallen
 fool-born
 full-gorg
 baggage
 barnacle
 bladder
 bugbear
 bum-bailey
 canker-blossom
 clack-dish
 clotpole
 cox
 codpiece
 death-token
 craven
 currish
 dissembling
 errant
 awning
 tobbing
 froward
 frothy
 gleeking
 goatish
 gorbellied
 impertinent
 infectious
 arring
 loggerheaded
 lumpish
 manmering
 mang
 mewling
 paunchy
 pribbling
 puking
 CL
 flax-wench
 flirt-gill
 foot-licker
 fustilarian
 giglet
 ud
 haggard
 half-taced
 hasty-witted
 hedge-pig
 horn-beast
 hugger-mugger
 joithead
 lewdster
 idle-headed
 i11-breeding
 i1l-nurtured
 knotty-pated
 milk-livered
 motley-minded
 onion-eyed
 plume-plucked
 pottle-deep
 pox-marked
 reeling-ripe
 rough-hewn
 rude-growing
 maggot-pie
 malt-worm
 qualling
 rank
 ree
 measle
 minnow
 miscreant
 moldwarp
 mumble-news
 nut-hook
 pigeon-egg
 pignut
 puttock
 pumpion
 ratsbane
 scut
 skainsmate
 ruttish
 saucy
 pleeny
 tottering
 UnMUzzLed
 shard-borne
 sheep-biting
 spur-galled
 swag-bellied
 tardy-gaited
 tickle-brained
 ve
 villainous
 wayward
 yeasty
 varlot
 vassa
 whey-face
 d-spotted
 unchin-snouted
 weather-bitten
 you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com
epicjohndoe:

Shakespeare Kit

epicjohndoe: Shakespeare Kit

Help, Satan, and Cat: When Your Cat is Dreaming of Killing You and Prays to Satan for Help
Help, Satan, and Cat: When Your Cat is Dreaming of Killing You and Prays to Satan for Help

When Your Cat is Dreaming of Killing You and Prays to Satan for Help

How Many Times, Life, and Monster: smallest-feeblest-boggart ohannesvili: lostalive: genderists i just had the weirdest moment, i was feeling my front teeth with my tongue because they're the tiniest bit crooked, and then i had the thought "ill check if they're also crooked in my other mouth" and then i realized to my shock and confusion that i have only one mouth, leading me to believe that in a past life i was a terrible monster with two mouths A few months ago, I thought to myself "Mmm I'm so tired... how much longer in this one again?" and I knew instinctively what I meant by 'this one' was this body and this life. I then spend a few wide-eyed moments having an identitylexistential crisis like how many times have l been on this earth to have such an instinctive response to being bone-weary to my soul? No one can really answer, especially not me. In July 2017, one night woke up around 2 a.m and blurted out in a quasi professorial voice "the Equinox Bird has infinite beaks, all in the wrong direction, and infinite eyes" and I don't know what the fuck I was dreaming about but it still haunts me. It seemed like a very important information for a few seconds i really appreciate the last commenter giving us an exact date and time like that information needs to be preserved (via noisyhope) #I've been told on many occasions that my hands show I'm an old soul #my mom。 multiple occasions has dreamed that her neck was broken by a rope The brain can be a very weird place sometimes
How Many Times, Life, and Monster: smallest-feeblest-boggart
 ohannesvili:
 lostalive:
 genderists
 i just had the weirdest moment, i was feeling my front teeth with my
 tongue because they're the tiniest bit crooked, and then i had the
 thought "ill check if they're also crooked in my other mouth" and
 then i realized to my shock and confusion that i have only one
 mouth, leading me to believe that in a past life i was a terrible
 monster with two mouths
 A few months ago, I thought to myself "Mmm I'm so tired... how much
 longer in this one again?" and I knew instinctively what I meant by 'this
 one' was this body and this life. I then spend a few wide-eyed moments
 having an identitylexistential crisis like how many times have l been on
 this earth to have such an instinctive response to being bone-weary to
 my soul? No one can really answer, especially not me.
 In July 2017, one night woke up around 2 a.m and blurted out in a quasi
 professorial voice "the Equinox Bird has infinite beaks, all in the wrong
 direction, and infinite eyes" and I don't know what the fuck I was dreaming
 about but it still haunts me. It seemed like a very important information for
 a few seconds
 i really appreciate the last commenter giving us an exact date and time like
 that information needs to be preserved
 (via noisyhope)
 #I've been told on many occasions that my hands show I'm an old soul
 #my mom。
 multiple occasions has dreamed that her neck was broken by a rope
The brain can be a very weird place sometimes

The brain can be a very weird place sometimes

Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex- periment with a new form called the tandem story The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home- work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para- graph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another para- graph to the story and send it back, also sending an- other copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab- solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any- thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a con- clusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per- manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news si- multaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and care- free, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec- onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em- pires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en- tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin- istic semi-literate adolescent. Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" Gary) B*tch. (Rebecca) F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea. A+ Ireally liked this one. epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
 offered by an English professor from
 the University of Phoenix:
 The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex-
 periment with a new form called the tandem story
 The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
 person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home-
 work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
 of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para-
 graph and send another copy to me. The partner will
 read the first paragraph and then add another para-
 graph to the story and send it back, also sending an-
 other copy to me. The first person will then add a third
 paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
 Remember to re-read what has been written each time
 in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab-
 solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any-
 thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
 The story is over when both agree a con-
 clusion has been reached."
 The following was actually turned in by two of his
 English students:
 Rebecca and Gary
 THE STORY:
 (first paragraph by Rebecca)
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
 her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
 times, that he liked chamomile.
 But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
 mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,
 and if she thought about him too much her asthma
 started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
 the
 second paragraph by Gary)
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
 had more important things to think about than the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
 over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
 said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
 before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
 him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit.
 (Rebecca)
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
 ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace
 ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per-
 manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news si-
 multaneously excited her and bored her. She
 stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
 when the days had passed unhurriedly and care-
 free, with no newspaper to read, no television to
 distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
 all the beautiful things around
 her. "Why must one
 lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully
 Gary)
 Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec-
 onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
 Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
 lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em-
 pires who were determined to destroy the human
 race. Within two hours after the passage of the
 treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
 Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
 their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en-
 tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
 in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
 on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
 poor, stupid Laurie.
 (Rebecca)
 This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
 literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin-
 istic semi-literate adolescent.
 Gary)
 Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
 tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
 literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
 F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an
 air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
 Steele novels!"
 Gary)
 B*tch.
 (Rebecca)
 F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI
 In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
 A+
 Ireally liked this one.
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’