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4chan, Beer, and Clothes: File pepe 23 png (191 KB, 500x367) Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)00:54:16 No.27754432 27754735 27754953 27754968 27755463 27755784 27756221 27756307 >>27756311 >>27757308 meet a friend from high school he must have forgotten that i was a sperg and invites me to a party never been to a real party, but i thought i could check what the hype is all about message him later asking him what I should wear and he tells me just wear something nice, not too formal >wear black suit pants, white shirt with one of my "silly-ties", but not the jacket since l figured it would be too formal the party started at 8, but I came around 9 because i didn't want to arrive before my friends i arrive, the music is super loud and the people all seem to be drunk first thing i did was to go put my fanta orange in the fridge then i go looking for my friend hes talking with a group so ljust kinda stand behind him waiting for the conversation to finish the people he's talking with start taking quick glances at me, so my friend turns around and when he see's me he exclaims hey anon glad you came! yeah thanks" but he can't hear me because the music is so loud do you want me to get you a beer or smth? nah i don't take drugs, sorry! we continue chatting a little, but after a while he turns back to his friends So I walk around the house a bit after a while l get thirsty so l head to the kitchen to get my fanta orange as im drinking from the bottle a girl stumbles in and just looks at me strangely couldnt introduce myself since i had to hold my fanta orange with two hands (big bottle) to lighten the mood i ask her if she wants a "sip of the pip" as i hand her the bottle, but she declines and leaves when ive had enough fanta orange l put it back and "go back" to the party some idiot falls over and yells "what are those in a dumb voice and asks me "w hy the fuck are you wearing dress shoes i tell him i like them and l decide l was sick of this party go back to the kitchen get my fanta orange, put it in my bag and bike home came home around 10:30 and went to bed without taking a shower I don't understand how normies enjoy these things Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)00:58:09 No.27754515 27754671 Why don't autists just do their research? You could have googled what to wear when going to a party and then you would have realized how dumb wearing that would make you look. Also, parties are ONLY enjoyable if you're drinking. You think the normies wouldn't also feel awkward if they were sober and wandering around? The normies I know describe alcohol as social lubricant that makes it easy to talk to people you don't know very well Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01:06:18 No.27754671 2 27754735 27754795 27754900 27756091 27756311 e: fun smiley-faces-novelt (35 KB, 600x600 27754515 I just thought i should try to look nice, it wasnt a full suit, just suit pants, a nice casual white dress shirt and a "silly" tie my brother got me (pic related, but with blue instead of black). I don't want alcohol, it's too bitter O Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01:12:46 No.27754795 27754852 27755261 2775467 You don't drink alcohol because it tastes good. Well, some people like the taste of beer/wine/mixed drinks, but most of the time you're drinking it, it's to get drunk or at least tipsy When I was in college, we had a term called "pregaming." It means getting drunk before you even go to the party, so you don't have to spend a single second there sober, since it's fucking t lame be at a party sober Very few sober people a comfortable at parties where there's tons of people they don't know If you aren't a social butterfly and if you aren't willing to drink, parties are something you should continue to avoid O Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01 No.27754799 27 754878 27754958 2 27755261 2227757374 HAHAHAHA WATER THOSEEE But seriously. You wore dress shoes to a party? Come on anon. Unless its a formal event like a baby shower or something like that, then just wear what you would usually wear when leaving the hou-. Oh wait. Well next time just go for jeans and a t-shirt. No autism shoes. No Osirius kiddy skater shoes either. No chucks, or jordans unless you're a hipster nigger You can't go wrong with black Timberland combat boots if its just casual Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01:17:38 No.27754900 27755261 27754671 don't dress like a waiter next time you autist. Anonymous 04/10/16 (Sun)01:33:02 No.27755261 27 755343 27755394 27755410 27754795 oh so thats what pregaming is, i always thought it was the thing they did before sex oh yeah parties are definitely something i will continue to avoid 27754799 Most likely there wont be a second time, but would sandals work? i find them comfortable and it definitely is unformal? 27754900 I didn't dress like a waiter, i had a silly tie to make it a more fun outfit. 27754968 It was pretty big yeah, i didnt want to spill any like i did in highschool once 27755035 google how to dress beforehand but that would be really autistic >i didnt want to spill any like i did in highschool once. Please elaborate. Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01:49:52 No.27755613 27755668 e: 48c8842 c-003e1-035f3-400c (15 KB, 300x400) 27755394 n highschool I used to drink quite a lot of fanta orange, thats why some called me the fanta panta (panther because i also only dressed in black back then I realised i was spending quite a lot of money on fanta orange cans, so I decided to be smart and started buying these huge fanta bottles instead (pic related, but fanta, not coca cola) >had an oral presentation (group work) in english >got a bit thirsty during the presentation, so while my partner was talking I took my bag and took out a fanta orange bottle >i tried drinking with one hand, but it was too heavy spilled everywhere >everyone laughed and I didn't get to drink any fanta orange during lunch that day because all of it got spilled Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01 No.27755402 222 27755575 27755619 >>27755685 oh yeah i forgot another thing, while walking around I did try to socialise once with a group see a small group of people that are well dressed (less formal than me, khaki and blue shirt) I go up to them and ask them if they want to hear a joke (to break the ice) they say "yeah i tell the only joke i know earned it from /pol/ once), none of them laugh except for the black guy that chuckles a little So what was the joke you told them? What was the fuck was the joke, OP?! Tell us the joke Don't leave us hangin Anonymous 04/10/16 (Sun)01:51:05 No.27755637 27755668 27755702 27755575 27755619 oh sorry should maybe have put it in the post yeah, heres the joke l told, I find it kinda funny. what do you say when you see your tv floating at night? drop it nigger Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01:54:04 No.27755702 27755782 27755637 Somehow, I really wish you actually existed. I mean, the autist persona you're showing us right now. I trully wish someone as clueless as you would exist someone so disconnected that he cannot for the love of himself understand why racist jokes don't work at parties where you know nobody. Someone who's so stupid he doesn't realize wearing ties at a normalfag party is stupid as fuck Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01:57:42 No.27755782 27759656 27755702 Stop giving me crap about my clothes choice, I had never been to a real party prior to that, I thought it was acceptable to wear, now i know it isn't. I just didnt want to be too informal like at prom For the racist joke, i thought people would understand that im not actually racist, I wouldnt have told the joke if there wasn't a black guy there. Anon brings his fanta orangeโ„ข to a party
4chan, Beer, and Clothes: File
 pepe 23 png (191 KB, 500x367)
 Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)00:54:16 No.27754432
 27754735 27754953
 27754968 27755463 27755784
 27756221 27756307 >>27756311 >>27757308
 meet a friend from high school
 he must have forgotten that i was a sperg and invites me to a party
 never been to a real party, but i thought i could check what the hype is all about
 message him later asking him what I should wear and he tells me just wear
 something nice, not too formal
 >wear black suit pants, white shirt with one of my "silly-ties", but not the jacket
 since l figured it would be too formal
 the party started at 8, but I came around 9 because i didn't want to arrive before
 my friends
 i arrive, the music is super loud and the people all seem to be drunk
 first thing i did was to go put my fanta orange in the fridge
 then i go looking for my friend
 hes talking with a group so ljust kinda stand behind him waiting for the conversation to finish
 the people he's talking with start taking quick glances at me, so my friend turns around and when he see's me he exclaims
 hey anon glad you came!
 yeah thanks" but he can't hear me because the music is so loud
 do you want me to get you a beer or smth?
 nah i don't take drugs, sorry!
 we continue chatting a little, but after a while he turns back to his friends
 So I walk around the house a bit
 after a while l get thirsty so l head to the kitchen to get my fanta orange
 as im drinking from the bottle a girl stumbles in and just looks at me strangely
 couldnt introduce myself since i had to hold my fanta orange with two hands (big bottle)
 to lighten the mood i ask her if she wants a "sip of the pip" as i hand her the bottle, but she declines and leaves
 when ive had enough fanta orange l put it back and "go back" to the party
 some idiot falls over and yells "what are those
 in a dumb voice and asks me "w
 hy the fuck are you wearing dress shoes
 i tell him i like them and l decide
 l was sick of this party
 go back to the kitchen get my fanta orange, put it in my bag and bike home
 came home around 10:30 and went to bed without taking a shower
 I don't understand how
 normies enjoy these things

 Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)00:58:09 No.27754515 27754671
 Why don't autists just do their research? You could have googled what to wear when going to a party and then you would
 have realized how dumb wearing that would make you look.
 Also, parties are ONLY enjoyable if you're drinking. You think the normies wouldn't also feel awkward if they were sober
 and wandering around? The normies I know describe alcohol as social lubricant that makes it easy to talk to people you
 don't know very well
 Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01:06:18 No.27754671
 2 27754735 27754795 27754900 27756091 27756311
 e: fun
 smiley-faces-novelt
 (35 KB, 600x600
 27754515
 I just thought i should try to look nice, it wasnt a full suit, just suit pants, a nice casual white dress
 shirt and a "silly" tie my brother got me (pic related, but with blue instead of black).
 I don't want alcohol, it's too bitter

 O Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01:12:46 No.27754795
 27754852 27755261
 2775467
 You don't drink alcohol because it tastes good. Well, some people like the taste of beer/wine/mixed drinks, but most of
 the time you're drinking it, it's to get drunk or at least tipsy
 When I was in college, we had a term called "pregaming." It means getting drunk before you even go to the party, so you
 don't have to spend a single second there sober, since it's fucking t
 lame be at a party sober
 Very few sober people a
 comfortable at parties where there's tons of people they don't know
 If you aren't a social butterfly and if you aren't willing to drink, parties are something you should continue to avoid
 O Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01
 No.27754799
 27 754878 27754958 2 27755261 2227757374
 HAHAHAHA WATER THOSEEE
 But seriously. You wore dress shoes to a party? Come on anon. Unless its a formal event like a baby shower or
 something like that, then just wear what you would usually wear when leaving the hou-. Oh wait.
 Well next time just go for jeans and a t-shirt. No autism shoes. No Osirius kiddy skater shoes either. No chucks, or
 jordans unless you're a hipster nigger You can't go wrong with black Timberland combat boots if its just casual
 Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01:17:38 No.27754900
 27755261
 27754671
 don't dress like a waiter next time you autist.
 Anonymous 04/10/16 (Sun)01:33:02 No.27755261
 27 755343 27755394 27755410
 27754795
 oh so thats what pregaming is, i always thought it was the thing they did before sex
 oh yeah parties are definitely something i will continue to avoid
 27754799
 Most likely there wont be a second time, but would sandals work? i find them comfortable and it definitely is unformal?
 27754900
 I didn't dress like a waiter, i had a silly tie to make it a more fun outfit.
 27754968
 It was pretty big yeah, i didnt want to spill any like i did in highschool once
 27755035
 google how to dress beforehand
 but that would be really autistic

 >i didnt want to spill any like i did in highschool once.
 Please elaborate.
 Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01:49:52 No.27755613 27755668
 e: 48c8842 c-003e1-035f3-400c
 (15 KB, 300x400)
 27755394
 n highschool
 I used to drink quite a lot of fanta orange, thats why some called me the fanta panta
 (panther because i also only dressed in black back then
 I realised i was spending quite a lot of money
 on fanta orange cans, so I decided to be smart and started buying these huge fanta bottles instead (pic
 related, but fanta, not coca cola)
 >had an oral presentation (group work) in english
 >got a bit thirsty during the presentation, so while my partner was talking I took my bag and took out a
 fanta orange bottle
 >i tried drinking with one hand, but it was too heavy
 spilled everywhere
 >everyone laughed and I didn't get to drink any fanta orange during lunch that day because all of it got spilled

 Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01
 No.27755402
 222
 27755575 27755619 >>27755685
 oh yeah i forgot another thing, while walking around I
 did try to socialise once with a group
 see a small group of people that are well dressed (less formal than me, khaki and blue shirt)
 I go up to them and ask them if they want to hear a joke (to break the ice)
 they say "yeah
 i tell the only joke i know earned it from /pol/ once), none of them laugh except for the black guy that chuckles a little
 So what was the joke you told them?
 What was the fuck was the joke, OP?!
 Tell us the joke
 Don't leave us hangin
 Anonymous 04/10/16 (Sun)01:51:05 No.27755637
 27755668 27755702
 27755575
 27755619
 oh sorry should maybe have put it in the post yeah, heres the joke l told, I find it kinda funny.
 what do you say when you see your tv floating at night?
 drop it nigger
 Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01:54:04 No.27755702
 27755782
 27755637
 Somehow, I really wish you actually existed.
 I mean, the autist persona you're showing us right now. I trully wish someone as clueless as you would exist
 someone so disconnected that he cannot for the love of himself understand why racist jokes don't work at parties where
 you know nobody. Someone who's so stupid he doesn't realize wearing ties at a normalfag party is stupid as fuck
 Anonymous 04/10/16(Sun)01:57:42 No.27755782 27759656
 27755702
 Stop giving me crap about my clothes choice, I had never been to a real party prior to that, I thought it was acceptable to
 wear, now i know it isn't. I just didnt want to be too informal like at prom
 For the racist joke, i thought people would understand that im not actually racist, I wouldnt have told the joke if there
 wasn't a black guy there.
Anon brings his fanta orangeโ„ข to a party

Anon brings his fanta orangeโ„ข to a party

Baby, It's Cold Outside, Beard, and Dating: r funny. 4h imgur. Backpacks Got Jets Army Specialist was denied leave to go to a baby shower because his CO said "Men don't go to baby showers", so he changed his reason BEFORE NAMITITLESIGNATURE OF Chargeable ave is fr N You are authorized PART EMERGENCY LEAVE TRANSPORTATION AND TRAVEL return to home station to proceed on official travel in connection with emergency leave and upon completion of your onward movement to lor by milltary orders. You are directod to report to the Port of Emba Do not depart the the authorized international alrport designated in your travel documents. All travel copy installation without reservations or tickets for authorized space required transportation. FIle a no-pa your travel documents or boarding pass within 5 working days return. request for leave commander, The American Aed cross can assust you in ur commander of your request tor extension of lea RETURN TRANSPORTATION return mitary trave reservations in CONUS call the MAC Passenger Reservation Center (PRC) Should you equire other assistance call PAP 21, ARRIVED APOD AFTER NAME TITLE SIGNATURE OF AP PRON DATE APPROVED NUMBER DAY a NAMETITLESIGNATURE O RETURN AUTHC 17 REMARKS Going home to the Appalachian mountains to drink whiskey, wrestle bears, shoot lots of guns. also plan to grow out a beard, chop down a hundred trees w my axe and eat 10lbs of thick cut bacon with my wife, whom I plan to have lots of unprotected sex with, because I am a man and that's just what we do. Footbal. PART ll-EMERGENCY LEAVE TRANSPORTATIO You are authorized to proceed on official travel in connection with emergency leave and up return to home station (or location) designated by military orders. You are directed to report to onward movement to the authorized international airport designated in your travel documents. Do not the installation without reservations or tickets for authorized space required Sui a copy of your travel documents or boarding pass within 5 working days atter your return. sist vau notitying your commander of your Man denied baby shower leave totally comes back with a brilliant alternative request!
Baby, It's Cold Outside, Beard, and Dating: r funny. 4h imgur. Backpacks Got Jets
 Army Specialist was denied leave to go to a
 baby shower because his CO said "Men don't
 go to baby showers", so he changed his
 reason
 BEFORE
 NAMITITLESIGNATURE OF
 Chargeable ave is fr
 N You are authorized PART
 EMERGENCY LEAVE TRANSPORTATION AND TRAVEL
 return to home station to proceed on official travel in connection with emergency leave and upon completion of your
 onward movement to lor by milltary orders. You are directod to report to the Port of Emba
 Do not depart the the authorized international alrport designated in your travel documents. All travel
 copy installation without reservations or tickets for authorized space required transportation. FIle a no-pa
 your travel documents or boarding pass within 5 working days return. request for leave
 commander, The American Aed cross can assust you in ur commander of
 your request tor extension of lea
 RETURN TRANSPORTATION
 return mitary trave reservations in CONUS call the MAC Passenger Reservation Center (PRC)
 Should you equire other assistance call PAP
 21, ARRIVED APOD
 AFTER
 NAME TITLE SIGNATURE
 OF AP PRON
 DATE APPROVED
 NUMBER DAY
 a NAMETITLESIGNATURE O RETURN
 AUTHC
 17 REMARKS
 Going home to the Appalachian mountains to drink whiskey, wrestle bears,
 shoot lots of guns. also plan to grow out a beard, chop down a hundred trees w
 my axe and eat 10lbs of thick cut bacon with my wife, whom I plan to have lots
 of
 unprotected sex with, because I am a man and that's just what we do. Footbal.
 PART ll-EMERGENCY LEAVE TRANSPORTATIO
 You are authorized to proceed on official travel in
 connection
 with emergency leave and up
 return to home station (or location) designated by military orders. You are directed to report to
 onward movement to the authorized international airport designated in your travel documents.
 Do not the installation without reservations or tickets for authorized space required Sui
 a copy of your travel documents or boarding
 pass within 5 working days atter your return. sist vau notitying your commander of your
Man denied baby shower leave totally comes back with a brilliant alternative request!

Man denied baby shower leave totally comes back with a brilliant alternative request!

4chan, Af, and Animals: You see Ivan, submarine is totally invisible to sonar when on land. Is perfect suprise attack. AOYg these packs are too heavy my feet hurt I don't like natalia can't point kalishnakov natalia isn't carrying anything They call me cuban Pete I'm the king of the rhumba beat when I play my maracas l go chick chicky boom chick chicky boom File: article-1340596-0C8EB13FO jpg 39 KB, 634x354 BBC Anonymous 12/30/14 (Tue)09:01:27 No.24145759 24145967 24145980 24145982 24146043 24146062 24146145 24 24147326 2414737 What would a /k/ version of Top Gear be like? 24145940 24145995 e 24146127 e 46721 24146899 Anonymous 12/30/14 (Tue)09:17:59 No.24145934 24146962 File Russian PMK-3 Gas Mask jpg 31 KB, 399x600 >Some say he is sustained by a diet of only vodka and dog food Others say he interrogated a KGB agent using only a Hello Kitty plushie His name is Sergei Blyatman 08/08/2013 11: 55 EMOK Protection against shaped charge attacks Schurzen Improvisation Infantry protection Protection against shaped charge attacks Infantry G- Infantry protection Infantry protection You see, Vladimir, when wear armor like mine enemy will never be of shoot you for fear of explode city bloc File: identilockw2 jpg 12 KB, 570x320 Anonymous 04/30/16 (Sat 19:30:19 No.29794006 29794054 2 29794086 29794174 >>29794223 >>29794416 >BANG >BANG >CRASH home invader breaking in to rape and kill my family >grab my trusty smart gun from my bedside slide to unlock on the built-in touchscreen a couple times until it works type in my PIN on the keypad >mistyped it >fuck password reset in process reconnect smart gun to my Facebook account look down the barrel for retinal scan (it's OK, because the gun is smart) hear the intruder downstairs, he's broken in >Siri asks for voice confirmation by having me say "The Second Amendment means that the people have the right to keep and bear arms in a state militia." repeat it m sorry, I had trouble understanding you. Can you say it again?" >say it louder this time >"Thank you, your new smart gun will be activated soon. Waiting for server. signal lost n around the bedroom until I get good service and it finishes registering >hear kids screaming in the background m sorry, your current geolocation is not at a federally approved firing range. If your life is currently in danger, please press one. Para espanol, oprima numero dos >press one, get auto-enrolled in a payment plan for "emergency firearm use fee" >thug bursts through the bedroom door quickly point the smart gun at him >FUCK >he's black >the smart gun's computer vision disallows firing on targets with more melanin than the owner >system puts me in a queue to get manual human override from a remote government office >the thug raises his own old-fashioned gun >doesn't even look like it has social media integration built into it >"all of our agents are currently busy, your estimated wait time is 40 minutes... your life is important to us, please hold" >BANG Anonymous 7/13 (S 04:29 UTC-5 No.18770395 Replies: 8770762 8770793 8770892 File: 1384680589902 jpg-(234 KB, 1800x1202, 1318094217792.jpg) 8769621 (OP horrific shit yo Post the m ter on the field of battle honestly, any attack helo with IR vision. after seeing soo many Apache FLIR videos I fear the day that I might have to encounter such an effective killing machine O Anonymous 11/17113(Sun)05:55 UTC-5 No.18770823 Replies: 8770844 8770996 8774472 877076 8770762 Their cameras can't see through tempered glass, look at any video that shows someone getting out of a car before they are hit. They can't see inside the car. It sounds weird but putting a car windshield over the top of your foxhole isn't a bad idea O Anonymous 11/17/13(Sun)06:38 UTC-5 No.18771095 Replies: 771355 8773530 8770996 Car windows attached to the outer layer of a moon suit bulked out with layers of fiberglass insulation to block thermal imaging. Also snowshoes wrapped in insulation to prevent heat transfer from your feet to the ground VHS tape is radar absorbent unless cut to a multiple of the radars wavelength then it becomes chaff) so cover it with so you could cover your stealth suit with that to keep yourself off of ground scanning radar as well. So glue layers of that over the glass or whatever is your IR blocker. Sure by day folks will laugh at you but by night you are the ghost who walks Actually in theory none of the above is a joke it is all quite plausible. Except for the death within minuets from heat stroke partileft out but meh, a minor drawback O Anonymous 11/17/13(Sun)06:20 UTC-5 No.18770996 Replies: 2218771095 221877177 18770823 make a medieval style 100% coverage suit of armor out of car windows >run around screaming SCIENCE BTICH O Anonymous 11/17/13(Sun)09:17 UTC-5 No.18771771 Replies: e>187718412 18771864 e 1877187Z >18770996 >l got one on the FLIR >he looks weird >leme see that's Carl Carwindows, he's just some nutter who thinks we can't see him Inna human shaped su >Just leave him be, he ain't hurtin nobody. O Anonymous 11/17/13(Sun)09:27 UTC-5 No.18771841 File: 1384698478297 27 KB, 350x468, 1369014465746.jpg 1877177 >Carl indows A Magical Place Anonymous 11/17/13 (Sun)09:33 UTC-5 No. 18771864 File: 1384698823813 35 KB, 560x414, 16globesfaces2nothn.jpg) 18771771 O Anonymous 11/17/13(Sun)09:36 UTC-5 No.18771877 File: 1384698970537 gif-(773 KB, 320x240, good job.gif) 18771771 Carl Carwindows pic related I know im supposed to shoot him, but he's just too damn funny ne up the cross hairs on the monitor I break out laughing when i see every time him and jerk to the side I never thought id share this story but I guess it fits in college roommate is a bit of a man whore regularly brings home girls from bars and has drunken sex all over the place >campus starts to get overrun with SJW's and their kind >"if they are both drunk then the WOMEN cant consent so they MAN is a rapist" warn him to watch his dick, he doesn't listen brings a girl home, they are both fairly drunk and do the diddly next morning the girl is talking about them doing more stuff together and meeting her friends yeah...this isn't one of those kinds of things...sorry" huge fight, she says she'll be back >2 hours later she back with campus police, claiming he assault her and had been harassing her think fast, walk over, put my hand on his waste and put on the faggiest voice I can >"whats all this shit, suger?" and kiss his cheek >all their collective faces cops turn to the girl, who starts making up multiple stories on the spot contradicting one another hear the cops chew her out in the hallway, about the criminal charges of fake accusations friend and I play xbox, drink and never speak of it again Divert Your Course This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95 CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. say again, divert YOUR course. CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course. AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship. CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call OHGODTHEBEES 05/25/13 (Sat 04:42 No.16444473 Replies 6444483 6444498 6444690 e 6444.758 16443635 firstborn on a shooting range bench. Telling him 12 years later was l conceived my both the most hilarious and horrible thing I've ever done to a human being be at range with son performing manly male bonding duties remember that son left metric fuckload of porn site addresses on computer the night before decide that he is of age to have "The Talk explain that sex is not only natural, but awesome and he should have it as often as biology, charisma and logistics allows explain that it's not all fun and games explain fun things like herpes, HIV and antibiotic-resistant syphilis finish up with unplanned pregancy "Look, condoms aren't great, but they protect you from deadly, cock-rotting diseases. Not to mention unplanned fatherhood. "I know, Dad." m deadly serious, buddy. Because all it takes is one time. Like, say, a single condom-free romp on a shooting range b table during a surprise thunderstorm and boom, you're a father." "I know, Dad!" two seconds pass.... "Wait, what?" the table? Sounded like a good idea at the time. No condoms? Pfftt.. what are the odds just this one time? Oh, yes. The range trip got rained out, nobody was around... why not on "Um, this range?" with a grin of pure sadistic glee "This table." stunned, disbelieving silence point at spot two feet in front of his face ight aboouut. there." "Ugh! Oh, God! Awwwwww! runs away in horror. "DONT YOU SEE, SON!?!? YOUVE RETURNED TO THAT FROM WHENCE YOU WERE SPAWNED!!! YOURE LIKE THE MAJESTIC SALMON!!!!!!! Fatherhood is so fucking awesome sometimes Anonymous 02/23/16(Tue)08:29:44 No.29029787 29029863 29029878 29029898 29030074 29030101 29030734 29030737 29031813 29031880 1430105034929 ipg (24 KB, 308x331) google igdb 29029690 I guess it's story time >be me out of bad relationship try online dating e local chick on online dating service message he and we click >get her number, we talk about interests >I hide my powerlevel >finally one night she gets horny and wants me over oblige >arrive at her house, she's drunk and working on a production for her work (she did documentaries by contract) ask her what it's about Oh it's a documentary on gun control and how bad guns are in the US >ask her what sources she used, since l'm a journalism major We just talked to the Brady Campaign, they are the ones who hired us to do this play Deviled Avocado >tell her she should interview gun owners and NRA members >"Well we only interviewed people making a positive change in the gun control world. We didn't want any negative comments in the movie" >remind her of ethics in broadcast journalism, etc ethics and reason won't get through to her drop subject and talk about moist meat sheaths >she leads me to her bed, and ambushes me with her sausage scabbard e bump uglies unprotected >she doesn't care finish inside of her post sex talk hate to ask Anon, but are you a gun owner?" confirm her suspicions it's so quiet you can hear a needle drop she asks some more >"D-did you bring a gun with you tonight? confirm her fears >l roll over, l see her staring up at the ceiling. can see the regret in her face rising like a mushroom cloud of pure nuclear might >she croaks out "O-oh god, fucked a gun nut >mfw still when I say "Well this gun nut just nutted inside of you >she ran off to the bathroom in disgust, probably to bleach her portable soup kitchen eventually see myself out, could te she wanted to bang me some more when she got out because of how good it was for he >mfw made a Brady supporter crazy for some dope 2nd Amendment dick Stand on barrel comrade and see if sniper s still there. Don't Worry if he hits you or misses Ve vill get him Anonymous 09/09/14(Tue)20:01:34 No.22754359 22749906 22750047 22753383 22753453 Sounds like a great business opportunity Nugget Security Inc A worldwide network of Klommandos, ready for hire at a moment's notice for all your security needs Jamal and his friends rioting a little too close for comfort? You and your neighborhood can rest easy, there's a wall of rusty bayonets, flaming barricades, vodka and slavshit between you and them Problems with bears or other woodland critters? We guarantee there's a /k/ommando nearby who would be more than happy to flush out and destroy the pest. Chavs mobbing and acting like cheeky cunts? A horde of bitter noguns with .22s, bows and ColdSteel should change their tune right quick! Spoopy bumps in the night? Ask for our patented Rhodie Run offer, where we flood your neighborhood with Iklommandos that will loudly and violently eliminate anything deemed a threat, up to and including stray animals, stray people, Skinwalkers, hobos, wildlife and illegal immigrants We also offer fortification services, as well as our SHTF Hotline, where our grizzled phone Operators will answer any Happening questions you may havel Call us NOW, at 1-800-OPERATE D Anonymous 9/09/14(Tue) 21:03:56 No.22755367 22754359 Some shady families moving in down the street Concerned, you call this new security company you heard about Hi, l, uh, need some help making my neighborhood a bit safer Da, we come >Well, actually, I WE COME Click Later that night, you're settling down to watch TV before bed BBB BBBRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMM >CRASH Oh, god what was that Someone knocks on your door You peek out to see an unwashed, bearded man in an old Soviet greatcoat and mismatched gear loudly feigning an accent He tells you to "be of stayings inside, tovarisch" You lay awake in bed, afraid, as the Iklommandos go to work >The next day, you go to leave for work The neighbors across the street, the one ith the stick figure family and Obama stickers in their c window, have been pulled from their home, tarred and feathered, then beaten sensele >Their house is a burned-out shell >There's a T-34 on your lawn. the treads coated with blood and feces >Your mailbox is full of dragon dildos Every stray animal for a mile in every direction has been rounded up, shot, and laid out in neat row Multiple Nugget-induced brushfires have broken out The streets are cordoned off with razor wire Roughly 200 drunken men in military surplus are passed out across the neighborhood Someone has set up a mortar emplacement where your flowerbed used to be Your house is pockmarked with shrapnel, your bill pinned to your garage door with a rusty KA-BAR >As you survey the damage, you feel oddly aroused How many soldiers have to die before you surrender? (82 KB, 700x466 7:53:27No 21721806 fucked up Ml. I fucked up bad Anonymous 06/26/14 Thu 17:56:29 No.21721835 221z21ste What did you fucking do D Anonymous 06/26/140Thu 17:58:26 No.21721846 zz21721as2 bz21721211 Long story short tried going hunting with my Fuck your shit rounds Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)18.0250 No.21721884 Anon, tel us in detail what you did what did you load shells with? Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu) 18:05:17 No.21721899 Basically I mixed 93 octane with rubbing alcohol and Styrofoam and loaded it into 12 Ga shels, My idea is that it would burn all the fur of of the squirrels, not set the fucking woods on fire Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)18.06 02 No.21721908 NIGGER YOU WHAT Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)18.06 03 No.21721909 You're a fucking retard A magical place Anonymous 06/26/14mhu)18 07:33 No.21721918 Nigger do you think life is afucking cartoon m8 Anonymous, 06/26/14 Thu)18.08 58 No.21721930 >I tried hunting with napalm rounds WHAT HAVE YOU DONE Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu) 18:09 43 No.21721937 Im fucking dying Oh god, do I say somethin I should say something say something! hands internal Is she retarded? BUCHANAN Is that sexist? CIC said can't be sexist anymore think I have to ve her a medal I am army yes badass bitch coming thr Fuck the patriarchy File: 1386364453095 jpg H42 KB, 251x251, 29485028556.jpg) Before I tell this story, have to introduce you to the concept of the Dick Card Game You take a set of playing cards with naked guys showing their junk on them, and hide them in places where others will fnd them. Key word being Hide', it's pretty lame to go to your desk and find one just laying there. Be around 2009-2010 Marine SOF team is up in the Murghab River Valley in Afghanistan, doing Vso or whatever we did before Dick Card Game is in full effect when the team is at camp Cards in CA satchols. Dick Cards taped over 9-ine cards, Dick Cards futtering down after someone tums an overhead fan on >Fucking Dick Cards everywhere >Dick Cards start disappearing, less and less are being found, no one knows where theyre going Team goes out on routine patrol one day Start taking fire, operators do their thing >One guy gets shot in the leg by pure chance, wound isn't traumatic, but definitely needs attention >Gunfight is getting worse, this isn't typical of the local fighters, everyone's getting a little more worked up to say the least >He gets dragged to cover, Doc starts workong on him, grabs medkit frantically nps it open Dick Cards Dick Cards burst out everywhere Doc just bursts out laughing >Shot guy is pissed, yells What the fuck are you laughing for 71 rm bleeding out assholer >Doc just scoops up handful of dick cards and lets them futter onto shot guy Shot guy bursts out laughing too Laughing finally subsides >Doc slaps on toumiquet, patches him up, he gets Evac'd out Firefight ends, everyone returns to camp. story spreads like a case of genital warts among the ANA Shot guy eventually returns to team, no major damage done to leg >Dick Card Game continues, is still slow due to all of the cards being left out in the field >mfw think about the local fighters checking out the area after the firefight and seeing a pool of blood surrounded by Dick Cards and being completely fucking befuddled by American first aid tactics tamonwnshor daad through wall eme and leave. rounds expended amire destroyed. Former Leg getint, ander into Ukraine. dagthoked with PTSD. Anonymous 08/12/14(Tue) 22:21:38 No.22355507 22355657 22355764 22355893 2222356114 >live in TX >commiefornian aunt comes over >see's me cleaning my Mauser anon, when did you get your gun permit?" July 4, 1776" >she just gives me a weird look and walks away Anonymous 11/26/14(Wed)17:41:15 No. 117496871 File: 1401164801623 jpg (27 KB, 500x500) ive-in maid The problem is I can't see a live-in maid working out for me at all. A cute girl, living in my home? With me? It'd make me even more self-conscious than I already am. I'd be mortified for such a lovely creature to know how slovenly l am so I'd spend a lot of time picking up after myself, which completely defeats the purpose of a maid. Id stay in my room even more than l do already, which is terribly unhealthy And then then there are the questions. The inevitable goddamned questions she'd as "Anon, why is there a k. combat knife taped to the ceiling of the shower? Anon, why are there mesh bags full of brass casings in your dishwasher? Anon, why did l find handcuff keys in the dyer's lint trap?" I have a hard enough time talking to pretty girls "before" you factor in questions to which there are no good, sane-sounding answers. So, no. I highly doubt there is a character in any anime ever made that'd make for a good, tolerant, medio that wouldn't pack up her shit and leave me within a week Anonymous 11/26/14 (Wed)17:44:10 No. 117496986 >117496871 Honestly I'm gonna need answers to those questions please Anonymous 11/26/14 (Wed)17:51:53 No. 117497290 File: 1389628645803 jpg (57 KB, 434x434) >117496986 Do I have to? Oooooookaaaay Most handcuff keys are interchangeable unless they're high-security models. They're super cheap and easy t onceal in a little pocket sewin into your clothing in the small of your back, where you can reach them while andcuffed... they're also easy to forget about Dumping your spent brass in mesh bags and running them through the dishwasher is perfect for cleaning it quick and cheap. I ontaminates your dishwasher with lead, but that's only a problem for people who eat off plates Knife in the shower with a good dex sheath it forms an airtight seal so it won't rust like a gun would: so you can leave it ther ndefinitely and reach it instantly That should answer everything, right? Anonymous 06/02/16 (Thu)23:13:28 No.30144555 File: image jpg (55 KB, 960x960) >Grade 7 >before school starts, friends and i are fucking around destroying an inch ant nest with sticks and by jumping on it (inch ants are these big agressive stinging cunty ants we get here in Australia) >school starts and we go to class. First lesson, we are doing some kind of test, so the whole class is silent >as im writing, i see this huge inch ant walking around on my arm wake me up inside) >try shaking my arm around to get it off, its now worked up into a frenzy (Cant wake up) >Flick the pissed off inch ant with my finger, it goes flying across the room and lands directly on this kids face and starts stinging him like Crazy >kid is screaming in agony, the previously silent classroom is now in absolute chaos as everyone is trying to figure out what the fuck is going on Funniest shit ever, no one else knows what happened. Anonymous 04/18/16(Mon)23:30:07 No. 29659394. 18 the rapist class. 29656812 Anonymous 04/18/16 (M 9:07 09 No.29656812 22296s9394 Holy shit, dude. 29656155 How did you get into psyops? I was not aware you could just jump in on it as an Mos, l feel like it would be very selective if not SoF. What did you do over there? 29649726 29649189 29649124 296443 29643766 These are all me raq 08 >BFF is my trusty gunner and Psychological Operations Specialist (POS lol) Mark >He is in turret, while I command the truck and dismount on missions when needed....or we just hitch a ride with the Strykers >he says from the gun "I think I see some guys loading up a VBIED" like its some norma thing. >Well if you think its a VBIED smoke theml Im not su....re" >BUBUBUBUBUBUBUB >BOOOOOOM Huh...I guess it was a VBIED" >When I look the VBIED is a good 800meters away. the grunts are yelling "wtf did you do PSYOP >Took out a VBIED apparently Nu uh...no way" >The patrol drives on over to smoke cloud. >Looks like it might have been a car. No one around. >Check out whats left of the abandoned building next to it, AKs, IED supplies and a fuck ton of shit S-2 would later want, packed up like they were about to bail Mark has super vision or some shit. He ID d these guys getting ready to attck us from well beyond what they thought we could see. He says there were four loading up "bomb looking things." And a driver. He aimed for the car and it exploded. Shit like this is why he is still mu bff ๆœฏ only safe way to shoot a glock DP-28 The Slavic Dinner Plate "You can't just send 10 million of your soldiers to die!" That's whErE you're wrong Y REFUGEES WELCOME Top: Just-woke-up Joe Anal-Sexface Andy fucking-hate-Larry Harry Vin Unleaded Pew-Pew Pete Slackjaw Steve Suicide Sam. Bottom: Bewildered Bill, Fucking Larry, Feeblemind Fred. WORLD WDEDEIMERT IN30MNUTESORLES OR YOUR NEXT ONE IS File: bso2tMDjpg (886 KB, x2167 L EDC Thread Anonymous 06/04/15 Thu) 7:52:17 No.26 224 22260596742 26059826 2 260601% 26060782 26060795 2 26062689 Every Day Carry thread: tfw no CHL edition. At least I'm safe in my car. I'm no gun2. So I have to carry a2.75 FFAR to defend my self- Anonymous 06/04/150hu)23:15:23 No.26062983 26063006 2606302 Pretty funny File: worth it jpg 72 KB, 1252x1252 gore picture 26062 >be me enjoying a taste of freedom in Whataburger CCing my trusty FFAR >4 snackbars bust in and start shooting hh >whip out the ol Mk 4 mod 10 ket with the M151 HE warhead and custom match grade Mk 352 Mod 2 fuse >hoist on shoulder >pull out car battery from backpack attach jumper cables >hajiis catch a glimpse of glorious 2.75 and freeze connect final jumper FFFFFFFFFFFSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH >eyeshands/face burn cuz based rocket motor loose 4 fingers cuz folding fin unfolding Anonymous 6/04/15 (Thu)23:19:09 No.26063020 rocket impacts one snackbar in the chest >turns into a fiery red mist along with the entire establishment 26062983 >dust settles >crawl out of the rubble >bleeding from ears 3rd degree burns >no hair left >blind >4 dead mohammeds, 5 dead americans, 3 dead mexicans, 2 dead nignogs >only 15 innocent deaths in collateral damage not bad >that will teach them not to mess with texas What you got against Glocks? about 13 huur If I want something with that much plastic and that thick of a grip, l'll get a dildo. ISTT ฯ‰ Anonymous 05/21/16(Sat)20:19:08 No.30026913 2 30027005 3002722 30029436 e 30036399 30026675 Anyway, on to the 2 people I had to draw on. >first time >at a shitty ghetto gas station called YaYa between deliveries getting gas >head on a swivel >black guy comes up, "yo homie gimme some o dat yard bird!" >c mon dawg, gimme sum! >No, go away YES ka, you gon' gimme dat fried bird or l'll KILL YOU >pulls out shitty fleamarket pocketknife >pull pistol literally trips over his sagged pants trying to run away Pretty common occurrence at gas stations in this chain. They pretty much just sell gas and soda as an afterthought, they're primarily a head shop/malt liquor store (at the time they were primarily selling "spice" and "bath salts", and the cashier at this particular one also sold extacy and stolen hydrocodone under the table) second time Middl of the day on a Tuesday, slow AF, random old dude orders the bare minimum to get delivered stuck in lunch-rush traffic at a red light >nice spring day, have windows down black guy nervously tries to carjack me with a ball-peen hammer draw, hammer through open window and backs off with his hands up cool, free hammer >light turns green, creep forward 50ft to the next red light >guy comes back up to car hand still up, and fucking asks for his hammer back rather politely >no, stop being a nigger I really do hate the southeast. I also ock-knock jokes oc knock lla Ella who Akbar. Okay. Let's hear one Who's there? Ella who? SO, THERE I WAS POUNDING AWAY AT THIS BLOODSUCKER WITH IT'S VOLUPTUOUS BREASTS AND HER GLORIOUS ASS, ALSO HER VAGINA TASTED LIKE CHEESECAKE. DON'T COME BACK VASILEV, YOU'RE FUCKING WEIRD o DID ANYONE MANAGE TO CATCH WHERE THAT HAPPENED HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT AN OLD MILL THERE'S ONE NEAR HERE, SHIT LET'S GO! O O /k/ humor dump? /k/ humor dump
4chan, Af, and Animals: You see Ivan, submarine is totally
 invisible to sonar when on land.
 Is perfect suprise attack.
 AOYg

 these packs are too heavy
 my feet hurt
 I don't like natalia
 can't point
 kalishnakov
 natalia isn't carrying anything

 They call me cuban Pete
 I'm the king of the rhumba beat
 when I play my maracas l go
 chick chicky boom
 chick chicky boom

 File: article-1340596-0C8EB13FO
 jpg 39 KB, 634x354
 BBC
 Anonymous 12/30/14 (Tue)09:01:27 No.24145759
 24145967
 24145980
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 24
 24147326
 2414737
 What would a /k/ version of Top Gear be like?
 24145940
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 e 46721 24146899
 Anonymous 12/30/14 (Tue)09:17:59 No.24145934
 24146962
 File
 Russian PMK-3 Gas Mask
 jpg 31 KB, 399x600
 >Some say he is sustained by a diet of only vodka and dog food
 Others say he interrogated a KGB agent using only a Hello Kitty plushie
 His name is Sergei

 Blyatman

 08/08/2013 11: 55
 EMOK

 Protection against shaped charge attacks
 Schurzen
 Improvisation
 Infantry protection
 Protection against shaped charge attacks
 Infantry
 G- Infantry protection
 Infantry protection

 You see,
 Vladimir,
 when wear
 armor like
 mine
 enemy will never be of shoot
 you for fear of explode city bloc

 File: identilockw2 jpg 12 KB, 570x320
 Anonymous 04/30/16 (Sat 19:30:19 No.29794006
 29794054 2 29794086 29794174 >>29794223 >>29794416
 >BANG
 >BANG
 >CRASH
 home invader breaking in to rape and kill my family
 >grab my trusty smart gun from my bedside
 slide to unlock on the built-in touchscreen a couple times until it works
 type in my PIN on the keypad
 >mistyped it
 >fuck
 password reset in process
 reconnect smart gun to my Facebook account
 look down the barrel for retinal scan (it's OK, because the gun is smart)
 hear the intruder downstairs, he's broken in
 >Siri asks for voice confirmation by having me say "The Second Amendment means that the people have the right to keep and bear arms in a state militia."
 repeat it
 m sorry, I had trouble understanding you. Can you say it again?"
 >say it louder this time
 >"Thank you, your new smart
 gun will be activated soon. Waiting for server.
 signal
 lost
 n around the bedroom until I get good service and it finishes registering
 >hear kids screaming in the background
 m sorry, your current geolocation is
 not at a federally approved firing range. If
 your life is currently in danger, please press one. Para espanol, oprima numero dos
 >press one, get auto-enrolled in a payment plan for "emergency firearm use fee"
 >thug bursts through the bedroom door
 quickly point the smart gun at him
 >FUCK
 >he's black
 >the smart gun's computer vision disallows firing on targets with more melanin than the owner
 >system puts me in a queue to get manual human override from a remote government office
 >the thug raises his own old-fashioned gun
 >doesn't even look like it has social media integration built into it
 >"all of our agents are currently busy, your estimated wait time is
 40
 minutes... your life is important to us, please hold"
 >BANG

 Anonymous 7/13 (S
 04:29 UTC-5 No.18770395 Replies: 8770762
 8770793
 8770892
 File: 1384680589902 jpg-(234 KB, 1800x1202, 1318094217792.jpg)
 8769621 (OP
 horrific shit yo
 Post the m
 ter on the field of battle
 honestly, any attack helo with IR vision. after seeing soo many Apache FLIR videos I fear the day that I might have to encounter such an
 effective killing machine
 O Anonymous
 11/17113(Sun)05:55 UTC-5 No.18770823 Replies: 8770844
 8770996
 8774472
 877076
 8770762
 Their cameras can't see through tempered glass, look at any video that shows someone getting out of a car before they are hit. They can't see inside the car.
 It sounds weird but putting a car windshield over the top of your foxhole isn't a bad idea
 O Anonymous
 11/17/13(Sun)06:38 UTC-5 No.18771095 Replies: 771355
 8773530
 8770996
 Car windows attached to the outer layer of a moon suit bulked out with layers of fiberglass insulation to block thermal imaging. Also snowshoes wrapped in insulation to prevent heat
 transfer from your feet to the ground
 VHS tape is radar absorbent unless cut to a multiple of the radars wavelength then it becomes chaff) so cover it with so you could cover your stealth suit with that to keep yourself off of
 ground scanning radar as well. So glue layers of that over the glass or whatever is your IR blocker.
 Sure by day folks will laugh at you but by night you are the ghost who walks
 Actually in theory none of the above is a joke
 it is all quite plausible. Except for the death within minuets from heat stroke partileft out but meh, a minor drawback
 O Anonymous
 11/17/13(Sun)06:20 UTC-5 No.18770996 Replies: 2218771095 221877177
 18770823
 make a medieval style 100% coverage suit of armor out of car windows
 >run around screaming SCIENCE BTICH
 O Anonymous 11/17/13(Sun)09:17 UTC-5 No.18771771 Replies: e>187718412 18771864 e 1877187Z
 >18770996
 >l got one on the FLIR
 >he looks weird
 >leme see
 that's Carl Carwindows, he's just some nutter who
 thinks we can't see him Inna human shaped su
 >Just leave him be, he ain't hurtin nobody.
 O Anonymous 11/17/13(Sun)09:27 UTC-5 No.18771841
 File: 1384698478297
 27 KB, 350x468, 1369014465746.jpg
 1877177
 >Carl indows
 A Magical Place
 Anonymous
 11/17/13 (Sun)09:33 UTC-5 No. 18771864
 File: 1384698823813
 35 KB, 560x414, 16globesfaces2nothn.jpg)
 18771771
 O Anonymous 11/17/13(Sun)09:36 UTC-5 No.18771877
 File: 1384698970537 gif-(773 KB, 320x240, good job.gif)
 18771771
 Carl Carwindows
 pic related
 I know im supposed to shoot him, but he's just too damn funny
 ne up the cross hairs on the monitor I
 break out laughing when i see
 every time
 him and jerk to the side

 I never thought id share this story but I guess it fits
 in college
 roommate is a bit of a man whore
 regularly brings home girls from bars and has drunken sex all over the place
 >campus starts to get overrun with SJW's and their kind
 >"if they are both drunk then the WOMEN cant consent so they MAN is a
 rapist"
 warn him to watch his dick, he doesn't listen
 brings a girl home, they are both fairly drunk and do the diddly
 next morning the girl is talking about them doing more stuff together and meeting her friends
 yeah...this isn't one of those kinds of things...sorry"
 huge fight, she says she'll be back
 >2 hours later she back with campus police, claiming he assault her and had been harassing her
 think fast, walk over, put my hand on his waste and put on the faggiest voice I can
 >"whats all this shit, suger?" and kiss his cheek
 >all their collective faces
 cops turn to the girl, who starts making up multiple stories on the spot contradicting one another
 hear the cops chew her out in the hallway, about the criminal charges of fake accusations
 friend and I play xbox, drink and never speak of it again

 Divert Your Course
 This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with
 Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October
 1995.
 Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations,
 10-10-95
 CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to
 avoid a collision.
 AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
 north to avoid a collision.
 CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
 AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. say again,
 divert YOUR course.
 CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
 AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second
 largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are
 accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and
 numerous
 support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees
 north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or
 counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of
 this
 ship.
 CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call

 OHGODTHEBEES
 05/25/13 (Sat 04:42 No.16444473 Replies
 6444483
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 e 6444.758
 16443635
 firstborn on a shooting range bench. Telling him 12 years later was l conceived my
 both the most hilarious and horrible thing I've ever
 done to a human being
 be at range with son performing manly male bonding duties
 remember that son left metric fuckload of porn site addresses on computer the night before
 decide that he is of age to have "The Talk
 explain that sex is not only natural, but awesome and he should have it as often as biology, charisma and logistics allows
 explain that it's not all fun and games
 explain fun things like herpes, HIV and antibiotic-resistant syphilis
 finish up with unplanned pregancy
 "Look, condoms aren't great, but they protect you from deadly, cock-rotting diseases. Not to mention unplanned fatherhood.
 "I know, Dad."
 m deadly serious, buddy. Because all it takes is one time. Like, say, a single condom-free romp on a shooting range b
 table during a surprise thunderstorm and boom, you're a father."
 "I know, Dad!"
 two seconds pass....
 "Wait, what?"
 the table? Sounded like a good idea at the time. No condoms? Pfftt.. what are the odds just this one time?
 Oh, yes. The range trip got rained out, nobody was
 around... why not on
 "Um, this range?"
 with a grin of pure sadistic glee
 "This table."
 stunned, disbelieving silence
 point at spot two feet in front of his face
 ight aboouut.
 there."
 "Ugh! Oh, God! Awwwwww!
 runs away in horror.
 "DONT YOU SEE, SON!?!? YOUVE RETURNED TO THAT FROM WHENCE YOU WERE SPAWNED!!! YOURE LIKE THE MAJESTIC SALMON!!!!!!!
 Fatherhood is so fucking awesome sometimes

 Anonymous
 02/23/16(Tue)08:29:44 No.29029787 29029863 29029878 29029898 29030074 29030101 29030734 29030737 29031813 29031880
 1430105034929
 ipg (24 KB, 308x331) google igdb
 29029690
 I guess it's story time
 >be me out of bad relationship
 try online dating
 e local chick on online dating service
 message he
 and we click
 >get her number, we talk about interests
 >I hide my powerlevel
 >finally one night she gets horny and wants me over
 oblige
 >arrive at her house, she's drunk and working on a production for her work (she did documentaries by contract)
 ask her what it's about
 Oh it's a documentary on gun control and how bad guns are in the US
 >ask her what sources she used, since l'm a journalism major
 We just talked to the Brady Campaign, they are the ones who hired us to do this
 play Deviled Avocado
 >tell her she should interview gun owners and NRA members
 >"Well we only interviewed people making a positive change in the gun control world. We didn't want any negative comments in the movie"
 >remind her of ethics in broadcast journalism, etc
 ethics and reason won't get through to her
 drop subject and talk about moist meat sheaths
 >she leads me to her bed, and ambushes me with her sausage scabbard
 e bump uglies unprotected
 >she doesn't care
 finish inside of her
 post sex talk
 hate to ask Anon, but are you a gun owner?"
 confirm her suspicions
 it's so quiet you can hear a needle drop
 she asks some more
 >"D-did you bring a gun with you tonight?
 confirm her fears
 >l roll over, l see her staring up at the ceiling. can see the regret in her face rising like a mushroom cloud of pure nuclear might
 >she croaks out "O-oh god, fucked a gun nut
 >mfw still when I say "Well this gun nut just nutted inside of you
 >she ran off to the bathroom in disgust, probably to bleach her portable soup kitchen
 eventually see myself out, could te
 she wanted to bang me some more when she got out because of how good it was for he
 >mfw made a Brady supporter crazy for some
 dope 2nd Amendment dick

 Stand on barrel comrade
 and see if sniper
 s still there.
 Don't
 Worry
 if he hits you
 or misses
 Ve vill
 get him

 Anonymous 09/09/14(Tue)20:01:34 No.22754359
 22749906
 22750047
 22753383
 22753453
 Sounds like a great business opportunity
 Nugget Security Inc
 A worldwide network of Klommandos, ready for hire at a moment's notice for all your security needs
 Jamal and his friends rioting a little too close for comfort? You and your neighborhood can rest easy, there's a wall of rusty bayonets, flaming barricades, vodka and slavshit between you and them
 Problems with bears or other woodland critters? We guarantee there's a /k/ommando nearby who would be more than happy to flush out and destroy the pest.
 Chavs mobbing and acting like cheeky cunts? A horde of bitter noguns with .22s, bows and ColdSteel should change their tune right quick!
 Spoopy bumps in the night? Ask for our patented Rhodie Run offer, where we flood your neighborhood with Iklommandos that will loudly and violently eliminate anything deemed a threat, up to and including stray animals, stray people, Skinwalkers, hobos, wildlife and illegal immigrants
 We also offer fortification services, as well as our SHTF Hotline, where our grizzled phone Operators will answer any Happening questions you may havel
 Call us NOW, at 1-800-OPERATE
 D Anonymous 9/09/14(Tue) 21:03:56 No.22755367
 22754359
 Some shady families moving in down the street
 Concerned, you call this new security company you heard about
 Hi, l, uh, need some help making my neighborhood a bit safer
 Da, we come
 >Well, actually, I
 WE COME
 Click
 Later that night, you're settling down to watch TV before bed
 BBB BBBRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMM
 >CRASH
 Oh, god
 what was that
 Someone knocks on your door
 You peek out to see an unwashed, bearded man in an old Soviet greatcoat and mismatched gear loudly feigning an accent
 He tells you to "be of stayings inside, tovarisch"
 You lay awake in bed, afraid, as the Iklommandos go to work
 >The next day, you go to leave for work
 The neighbors across the street, the one
 ith the stick figure family and Obama stickers in their c
 window, have been pulled from their home, tarred and feathered, then beaten sensele
 >Their house is a burned-out shell
 >There's a T-34 on your lawn. the treads coated with blood and feces
 >Your mailbox is full of dragon dildos
 Every stray animal for a mile in every direction has been rounded up, shot, and laid out in neat row
 Multiple Nugget-induced brushfires have broken out
 The streets are cordoned off with razor wire
 Roughly 200 drunken men in military surplus are passed out across the neighborhood
 Someone has set up a mortar emplacement where your flowerbed used to be
 Your house is pockmarked with shrapnel, your bill pinned to your garage door with a rusty KA-BAR
 >As you survey the damage, you feel oddly aroused

 How many
 soldiers have
 to die before
 you surrender?

 (82 KB, 700x466
 7:53:27No 21721806
 fucked up Ml. I fucked up bad
 Anonymous 06/26/14 Thu 17:56:29 No.21721835
 221z21ste
 What did you fucking do
 D Anonymous 06/26/140Thu 17:58:26 No.21721846
 zz21721as2 bz21721211
 Long story short tried going hunting with my Fuck your shit rounds
 Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)18.0250 No.21721884
 Anon, tel us in detail what you did what did you load shells with?
 Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu) 18:05:17 No.21721899
 Basically I mixed 93 octane with rubbing alcohol and Styrofoam and loaded it into 12 Ga shels,
 My idea is that it would burn all the fur of of the squirrels, not set the fucking woods on fire
 Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)18.06 02 No.21721908
 NIGGER YOU WHAT
 Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)18.06 03 No.21721909
 You're a fucking retard
 A magical place
 Anonymous 06/26/14mhu)18 07:33 No.21721918
 Nigger do you think life is afucking cartoon m8
 Anonymous, 06/26/14 Thu)18.08 58 No.21721930
 >I tried hunting with napalm rounds
 WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
 Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu) 18:09 43 No.21721937
 Im fucking dying

 Oh god, do I say somethin
 I should say something
 say something!
 hands internal
 Is she retarded?
 BUCHANAN
 Is that sexist?
 CIC said
 can't be
 sexist anymore
 think I have to
 ve her a medal
 I am army
 yes badass bitch coming thr
 Fuck the patriarchy

 File: 1386364453095 jpg H42 KB, 251x251, 29485028556.jpg)
 Before I tell this story, have to introduce you to the concept of the Dick Card Game You take a set of playing cards with naked guys
 showing their junk on them, and hide them in places where others will fnd them. Key word being Hide', it's pretty lame to go to your desk
 and find one just laying there.
 Be around 2009-2010
 Marine SOF team is up in the Murghab River Valley in Afghanistan, doing Vso or
 whatever we did before
 Dick Card Game is in full effect when the team is at camp
 Cards in CA satchols. Dick Cards taped over 9-ine cards, Dick Cards futtering down after someone tums an overhead fan on
 >Fucking Dick Cards everywhere
 >Dick Cards start disappearing, less and less are being found, no one knows where theyre going
 Team goes out on routine patrol one day
 Start taking fire, operators do their thing
 >One guy gets shot in the leg by pure chance, wound isn't traumatic, but definitely needs attention
 >Gunfight is getting worse, this isn't typical of the local fighters, everyone's getting a little more worked up to say the least
 >He gets dragged to cover, Doc starts workong on him, grabs medkit frantically nps it open
 Dick Cards Dick Cards burst out everywhere
 Doc just bursts out laughing
 >Shot guy is pissed, yells What the fuck are you laughing for 71 rm bleeding out assholer
 >Doc just scoops up handful of dick cards and lets them futter onto shot guy
 Shot guy bursts out laughing too
 Laughing finally subsides
 >Doc slaps on toumiquet, patches him up, he gets Evac'd out
 Firefight ends, everyone returns to camp. story spreads like a case of genital warts among the ANA
 Shot guy eventually returns to team, no major damage done to leg
 >Dick Card Game continues, is still slow due to all of the cards being left out in the field
 >mfw think about the local fighters checking out the area after the firefight and seeing a pool of blood surrounded by Dick Cards and being completely fucking
 befuddled by American first aid tactics

 tamonwnshor daad through wall
 eme and leave.
 rounds expended
 amire destroyed.
 Former Leg
 getint, ander into Ukraine.
 dagthoked with PTSD.

 Anonymous
 08/12/14(Tue) 22:21:38 No.22355507
 22355657 22355764 22355893 2222356114
 >live in TX
 >commiefornian aunt comes over
 >see's me cleaning my Mauser
 anon, when did you get your gun permit?"
 July 4, 1776"
 >she just gives me a weird look and walks away

 Anonymous 11/26/14(Wed)17:41:15 No. 117496871
 File: 1401164801623
 jpg (27 KB, 500x500)
 ive-in maid
 The problem is
 I can't see a live-in maid working out for me at all. A cute girl, living in my home? With me? It'd make
 me even more self-conscious than I already am. I'd be mortified for such a lovely creature to know how slovenly l am
 so I'd spend a lot of time picking up after myself, which completely defeats the purpose of a maid. Id stay in my
 room even more than l do already, which is terribly unhealthy
 And then
 then there are the questions. The inevitable goddamned questions she'd as
 "Anon, why is there a
 k. combat knife taped to the ceiling of the shower? Anon, why are there mesh bags full of brass casings in your dishwasher? Anon, why did l
 find handcuff keys in the dyer's lint trap?" I have a hard enough time talking to pretty girls "before" you factor in questions to which there
 are no good, sane-sounding answers.
 So, no. I highly doubt there is a character in any anime ever made that'd make for a good, tolerant, medio that wouldn't pack up her shit
 and leave me within a week
 Anonymous 11/26/14 (Wed)17:44:10 No. 117496986
 >117496871
 Honestly I'm gonna need answers to those questions please
 Anonymous 11/26/14 (Wed)17:51:53 No. 117497290
 File: 1389628645803
 jpg (57 KB, 434x434)
 >117496986
 Do I have to? Oooooookaaaay
 Most handcuff keys are interchangeable unless they're high-security models. They're super cheap and easy t
 onceal in a little pocket sewin into your clothing in the small of your back, where you can reach them while
 andcuffed... they're also easy to forget about
 Dumping your spent brass in mesh bags and running them through the dishwasher is perfect for cleaning it quick and cheap. I
 ontaminates your dishwasher with lead, but that's only a problem for people who eat off plates
 Knife in the shower with a good dex sheath it forms an airtight seal so it won't rust like a gun would: so you can leave it ther
 ndefinitely and reach it instantly
 That should answer everything, right?

 Anonymous 06/02/16 (Thu)23:13:28 No.30144555
 File: image jpg (55 KB, 960x960)
 >Grade 7
 >before school starts, friends and i are fucking around destroying an inch ant nest with sticks and by jumping on it
 (inch ants are these big agressive stinging cunty ants we get here in Australia)
 >school starts and we go to class. First lesson, we are doing some kind of test, so the whole class is silent
 >as im writing, i see this huge inch ant walking around on my arm
 wake me up inside)
 >try shaking my arm around to get it off, its now worked up into a frenzy
 (Cant wake up)
 >Flick the pissed off inch ant with my finger, it goes flying across the room and lands directly on this kids face and starts stinging him like
 Crazy
 >kid is screaming in agony, the previously silent classroom is now in absolute chaos as everyone is trying to figure out what the fuck is
 going on
 Funniest shit ever, no one else knows what happened.

 Anonymous 04/18/16(Mon)23:30:07 No. 29659394.
 18
 the rapist class.
 29656812
 Anonymous 04/18/16 (M
 9:07 09 No.29656812 22296s9394
 Holy shit, dude.
 29656155
 How did you get into psyops? I was not aware you could just jump in on it as an Mos, l feel like it would be very selective if not SoF. What did you do over there?
 29649726
 29649189
 29649124
 296443
 29643766
 These are all me
 raq 08
 >BFF is my trusty gunner and Psychological Operations Specialist (POS lol) Mark
 >He is in turret, while I command the truck and dismount on missions when needed....or we just hitch a ride with the Strykers
 >he says from the gun "I think I see some guys loading up a VBIED" like its some norma thing.
 >Well if you think its a VBIED smoke theml
 Im not su....re"
 >BUBUBUBUBUBUBUB
 >BOOOOOOM
 Huh...I guess it was a VBIED"
 >When I look the VBIED is a good 800meters away.
 the grunts are yelling "wtf did you do PSYOP
 >Took out a VBIED apparently
 Nu uh...no way"
 >The patrol drives on over to smoke cloud.
 >Looks like it might have been a car. No one around.
 >Check out whats left of the abandoned building next to it,
 AKs, IED supplies and a fuck ton of shit S-2 would later want, packed up like they were about to bail
 Mark has super vision or some shit. He ID d these guys getting ready to attck us from well beyond what they thought
 we could see. He says there were four loading up "bomb looking things." And a driver. He aimed for the car and it exploded. Shit like this is why he is still mu bff

 ๆœฏ

 only safe way to shoot a glock

 DP-28
 The Slavic
 Dinner Plate

 "You can't just send 10 million
 of your soldiers to die!"
 That's whErE
 you're wrong

 Y REFUGEES WELCOME

 Top: Just-woke-up Joe
 Anal-Sexface Andy
 fucking-hate-Larry
 Harry
 Vin Unleaded
 Pew-Pew Pete
 Slackjaw Steve
 Suicide Sam.
 Bottom: Bewildered Bill, Fucking Larry, Feeblemind Fred.

 WORLD WDEDEIMERT
 IN30MNUTESORLES
 OR YOUR NEXT ONE IS

 File: bso2tMDjpg (886 KB, x2167
 L EDC Thread Anonymous 06/04/15 Thu) 7:52:17 No.26
 224
 22260596742 26059826 2 260601% 26060782 26060795 2 26062689
 Every Day Carry thread: tfw no CHL edition.
 At least I'm safe in my car.
 I'm no gun2. So I have to carry a2.75 FFAR to defend my self-
 Anonymous 06/04/150hu)23:15:23 No.26062983 26063006 2606302
 Pretty funny
 File: worth it jpg 72 KB, 1252x1252
 gore picture
 26062
 >be me
 enjoying a taste of freedom in Whataburger
 CCing my trusty FFAR
 >4 snackbars bust in and start shooting
 hh
 >whip out the ol Mk 4 mod 10 ket with the M151 HE warhead and custom match
 grade Mk 352 Mod 2 fuse
 >hoist on shoulder
 >pull out car battery from backpack
 attach jumper cables
 >hajiis catch a glimpse of glorious 2.75
 and freeze
 connect final jumper
 FFFFFFFFFFFSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
 >eyeshands/face burn cuz based rocket motor
 loose 4 fingers cuz folding fin unfolding
 Anonymous 6/04/15 (Thu)23:19:09 No.26063020
 rocket impacts one snackbar in the chest
 >turns into a fiery red mist along with the entire establishment
 26062983
 >dust settles
 >crawl out of the rubble
 >bleeding from ears
 3rd degree burns
 >no hair left
 >blind
 >4 dead mohammeds, 5 dead
 americans, 3 dead
 mexicans, 2 dead
 nignogs
 >only 15 innocent deaths in collateral damage
 not bad
 >that will teach them not to mess with texas

 What you got against Glocks?
 about 13 huur
 If I want something with that
 much plastic and that thick of a grip, l'll get a dildo.

 ISTT
 ฯ‰

 Anonymous 05/21/16(Sat)20:19:08 No.30026913
 2 30027005
 3002722
 30029436
 e 30036399
 30026675
 Anyway, on to the 2 people I had to draw on.
 >first time
 >at a shitty ghetto gas station called YaYa between deliveries getting gas
 >head on a swivel
 >black guy comes up, "yo homie gimme some o dat yard bird!"
 >c mon dawg, gimme sum!
 >No, go away
 YES
 ka, you gon' gimme dat fried bird or l'll KILL YOU
 >pulls out shitty fleamarket pocketknife
 >pull pistol
 literally trips over his sagged pants trying to run away
 Pretty common occurrence at gas stations in this chain. They pretty much just sell gas and soda as an afterthought, they're primarily a head shop/malt liquor store (at the time they were primarily selling "spice" and "bath salts", and the cashier at this
 particular one also sold extacy and stolen hydrocodone under the table)
 second time
 Middl
 of the day on a Tuesday, slow AF, random old dude orders the bare minimum to get delivered
 stuck in lunch-rush traffic at a red light
 >nice spring day, have windows down
 black guy nervously tries to carjack me with a ball-peen hammer
 draw, hammer through open window and backs off with his hands up
 cool, free hammer
 >light turns green, creep forward 50ft to the next red light
 >guy comes back up to car hand still up, and fucking asks for his hammer back rather politely
 >no, stop being a nigger
 I really do hate the southeast.

 I also
 ock-knock jokes
 oc knock
 lla
 Ella who Akbar.
 Okay. Let's hear one
 Who's there?
 Ella who?

 SO, THERE I WAS POUNDING AWAY AT THIS
 BLOODSUCKER WITH IT'S VOLUPTUOUS
 BREASTS AND HER GLORIOUS ASS, ALSO HER VAGINA
 TASTED LIKE CHEESECAKE.
 DON'T COME BACK
 VASILEV, YOU'RE
 FUCKING WEIRD
 o
 DID ANYONE MANAGE
 TO CATCH WHERE
 THAT HAPPENED
 HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT
 AN OLD MILL
 THERE'S ONE NEAR HERE,
 SHIT LET'S GO!
 O O
/k/ humor dump? /k/ humor dump

/k/ humor dump? /k/ humor dump

4chan, Advice, and Apparently: File: smu 97 KB 58x825 O Anonymous 05/20/16(Fri)02:02:19 No.685252906 685253877 685256172 685256482 685257415 685258420 68525922 685264093 685266606 685266836 685267065 68526806 DONT 685268398 685273300 meme relationship and humorous break up thread. broke up with my gf this morning first, some backstory >i own my own house since parents died when i was young and left it to me after dating for about 6 months gf moves in >last month she asked if a friend of hers could stay for a while, had nowhere else to go etc. etc sure why not >friend is a mad man-hating lesbian always taking digs at me and shit talking to my gf about how men suck and whatnot >this is while im letting her stay at my house rent free for a month >since super dyke has been here gf and i have been arguing more than usual, and intimacy is gone Anyway heres how it finally ended this morning cooking breakfast this morning making spaghetti because i feel like it, fuck you >gf comes out and says it smells amazing 'anon, whats in it?" tomato, onion, carrot, capsicum, beef "really? beef?" yeah what of it >"you KNOW dyke is a vegan, why would you cook breakfast that isnt vegan? thats just inconsiderate because i wanted beef in my spaghetti fuck you, you can cook her some vegan shit dyke comes out of her room to see what the commotion is >"wow anon, i always knew you were an asshole. see girlfriend, i told you that you shouldn't have someone like this in your life. men are all pigs" >"gee dyke, youre right. anon, maybe we should consider breaking up >epiphany >this relationship has been retarded since we first got together never going to go anywhere sim over it and dont give a fuck anymore >yeah alright gf, i agree. i hink we should break up. this whole thing has run its course, it would be best to just end it and get on with our lives w-w-w-what? i didnt mean it, i ust wanted to scare you. i dont want to break up >cont Anonymous 05/20/16 :04:07 No.68525313 685253735 685254177 685257415 685258420 68525942 685259830 68526055 685262137 685264093 685264549 685272575 2 685273300 685273882 >well i do. we argue over stupid shit like this all the time, youre a financial burden and have made no attempt to help support us, youve shown no real interest in moving forward in our relationship at all, and you havent shown me any affection since she turned up. i dont think it will work out long term >dyke pipes up with "urgh men" or some shit >gf is stunned, but realises im serious starts crying okay anon. if thats what you really wan dyke:"oh girl its okay, you dont need a man like that anyway. ive been telling you that you guys should break up since i got here. hes a pig and i know you can do better" >bitch i dont know what the fuck youre so happy about, if shes moving out so are you >"what do you mean move out? im not moving out. you can move out >this is my house. get out of it >"no it isnt, gfs name is on the lease, so you can stop lying and get out of here" >what. there is no rent lease i own this house. where the fuck did you get that what? even if thats true, i still have tenants rights. you cant evict me for two weeks haha fag >youre not a tenant. you arent paying rent. get the fuck outta my house >"what? i was giving my share of the rent to gf she doesnt pay rent either, what the fuck turns out my gf had been taking "rent money" and buying clothes and shit with it. meme. >dyke starts threatening to smash my shit if i dont let her stay call buddy who is a lawyer to come over >he arrives, announces that he is my lawyer and that any destruction of property will be taken seriously and basically youll get raped in court >dyke starts crying as well, her and gf start yelling at each other while packing >me and buddy play ps3 and eat spaghetti the girls start screaming at me that theyre leaving and theyll be back later with cops >cool, ill box the rest of your shit up for you so its easy to carry they havent returned yet >MFW this whole ordeal ive got loads more stories about how stupid this relationship was if youre interested O Anonymous 05/20/16 (Fri)02:17:30 No.685255087 >>685255597 >>685255623 >>685255672 685264839 >>685267384 >>685269444 >>685273475 alright then >be about 4 weeks in relationship throw parties at my house a fair bit because its my house i do what i want >gf wants to throw a party at my house maybe, let me see guest list >i dont know any of these people >"haha yeah theyre my old friends from school >alright then, as long as its not a wild party thats fine thanks anon youre the best" day of party >chillin 'anon i need to talk to you >what well you know my friends >yee >"i sort of told them we were married" >wattafuc >umm alright then, >"youre so cool! thanks so much" >later on first guest arrived >before i answer the door gf grabs m >"oh i also told them youre a lawyer, play along >what the genuine fuck okay >party is boring as shit, its just gf ing to one up everyone about how rad her life is >fuck you bitch >get really drunk start giving legal advice to anyone who would listen really bad legal advice i know nothing of the law >tell people i work at bergstein, schindler, and boroberg law firm >come in and ill give you free legal advice a month later gt gets call from her friends >"no such law firm exists, is your bf really a lawyer? darren says he saw him at uni" >gf is so pissed at me for fucking up her illusion Anonymous 05/20/16(Fri)02:24:07 No.685255901 >>685256054 >>685256153 >>685256158 685256966 685257144 >>685257526 >>685265719 >>685267407 >>685268765 >>685270773 >>685255104 i didnt pre type anything fuck you cunt >first week after gf moves in go do my weekly shopping >gf ets home from uni ANOOOOOOOOON" >what cunt im right here dont yell why is there only skim milk" >i only drink skim milk >"well i only drink full cream, why didnt you buy any because you didnt ask, and i didnt know honestly anon i swear you never listen to me throw out th egood old "what" joke she goes mental >haha im kidding relax there are no breaks on the ANGERY TRAIN >she starts yelling about how i dont respect her >shoves some clothes into her suitcase leaves >stays at her parents house for the night returns the next morning tail between her legs tells me shes sorry, and that i do listen to her she was just mad >what >i start laughing at the audacity of my joke >shes fucking furious which is even funnier >"you cant even respect my apology anon fuck you, i hate you!" goes back to her parents again thats probably the top of the stupid arguments O Anonymous 05/20/16 (Fri)02:34:16 No.685257421 685257830 >>685257892 >>685259768 685255909 strava mate 685256054 no fucks. the sex was pretty good, and she saw the funny side in it the next day, so i stuck around alright next one middle of summer working out in gym set up in garage because gotta keep that alpha physique shirtless because im a gross sweaty faggot >running on treadmill doing high speed intervals >gf comes down >"anon my friends are here >her girlfriends are there oh hey what up, keep running because fuck bitches >"well just letting you know theyre hear, put a shirt on for fucks sake no you her slutty friend doesnt follow them back upstairs stop running can i help you miss "no, just enjoying the view" >umm okay good bye im done now gotta get away from this slut go have shower chill in study doing uni work >gf comes in once friends leave anon what the fuck did you do nothing why well slut kept asking really weird questions, like how big your dick is and if we wanted a threesome cool, what did you tell her WHAAAAT" >what WHAT DO YOU MEAN" >i dunno, wat are you talking about. i didnt say i wanted to fuck her, because i dont, chill out what yeah the only bitch i wanna fuck is you, calm down "fucking hell i hate you anon, but you can be cute sometimes so we gon fuck now or what "haha youre so funny" for real if you aint down ta smash ima go whip my dick right now i dont give a fuck >"oh anon, youre hilarious >im serious pull dick out "OMG" >shes down to bone good times O Anonymous 05/20/16 (Fri)02:48:10 No.685259313 685263217 685267059 about 2 months into relationship >gf asks why i own house >my parents died when i was 18 and left me the house >"haha good one anon, really though >im serious m8 really anon, tell me why" >i am >"this joke isnt funny dammit! why wont you tell me >i am tho she gets mad and huffs and goes away about 2 hours later she comes back anon i am SO sorry" >its cool, i dont mind, its been 4 years >"no my behaviour was not okay, ive been a real naughty girl" >"to make it up to you, you can punish me however you want" >cool put her on leash in room >"anon what are you going to do to me now teehee youll see >go get her food and drink bring it in >"what, i dont understand you get to stay here, ive invited the boys around for a boys night "WHAT!" its cool, theyll be gone by like 12, then we can get started the boys come and go, ends up being a big night smashed, i enter our room try untie gf takes me about 5 minutes to undo a single knot >shes super horny, apparently dogging her for the boys turned her on >slur about how im going to fuck her fall onto bed pass out she was annoyed but thought that was pretty funny Anonymous 05/20/16 (Fri)03:02:49 No.685261258 68526, 1639 >>685259768 neither, im a whit boy from straya. i was just shit talking in that scenario new story out on a date >take her to nice restaurant and everything shits going well >shes giving me the bedroom eyes, i know she wants it >get to end of our meal decide to have fun >our waiter seems really cool, hes been dicking around all night and even got us some complementary drinks because he thinks we're cool >at the end of the meal, i ask him how the bathrooms are "what" Are they clean, is there enough room for two, etc. "what" the gf is looking pretty good and i dont think i can wait to get back to the car, i reckon shed be keen for a go right now if you catch my drift waiter starts laughing >gf is filthy dirty >couple seated near us here, woman glares at us, her husband laughs, she glares at him, he starts skulling his drink and giggling waiter starts saying the bathrooms are "clean enough", and how there isnt much room, but im pretty thin so we should be able to make it work. >"theres no condom machine either, so if you didnt come prepared you should get out of here, we dont like unsafe practices here' im dying give him a $100 tip he refuses because straya ask his name >call up restaurant later, ask to speak to manager, tell him about how great our service was last night and how the waiter was a great guy manager is stoked to hear such compliments about his restaurant >gf was mad and we didnt end up fuckin, but was still worth it /b/tard has a memetastic relationship
4chan, Advice, and Apparently: File: smu
 97 KB
 58x825
 O Anonymous 05/20/16(Fri)02:02:19 No.685252906
 685253877
 685256172
 685256482
 685257415
 685258420
 68525922
 685264093
 685266606
 685266836
 685267065
 68526806
 DONT
 685268398
 685273300
 meme relationship and humorous break up thread. broke up with my gf this morning
 first, some backstory
 >i own my own house since parents died when i was young and left it to me
 after dating for about 6 months gf moves in
 >last month she asked if a friend of hers could stay for a while, had nowhere else to go etc. etc
 sure why not
 >friend is a mad man-hating lesbian
 always taking digs at me and shit talking to my gf about how men suck and whatnot
 >this is while im letting her stay at my house rent free for a month
 >since super dyke has been here gf and i have been arguing more than usual, and intimacy is gone
 Anyway heres how it finally ended this morning
 cooking breakfast this morning
 making spaghetti because i feel like
 it, fuck you
 >gf comes out and says it smells amazing
 'anon, whats in it?"
 tomato, onion, carrot, capsicum, beef
 "really? beef?"
 yeah what of it
 >"you KNOW dyke is a vegan, why would you cook breakfast that isnt vegan? thats just inconsiderate
 because i wanted beef in my spaghetti fuck you, you can cook her some vegan shit
 dyke comes out of her room to see what the commotion is
 >"wow anon, i always knew you were an asshole. see girlfriend, i told you that you shouldn't have someone like this in your life. men are all pigs"
 >"gee dyke, youre right. anon, maybe we should consider breaking up
 >epiphany
 >this relationship has been retarded since we first got together
 never going to go anywhere
 sim over it and dont give a fuck anymore
 >yeah alright gf, i agree. i hink we should break up. this whole thing has run its course, it would be best to just end it and get on with our lives
 w-w-w-what? i didnt mean it, i ust wanted to scare you. i dont want to break up
 >cont

 Anonymous 05/20/16 :04:07 No.68525313
 685253735
 685254177
 685257415
 685258420
 68525942
 685259830
 68526055
 685262137
 685264093
 685264549
 685272575
 2 685273300
 685273882
 >well i do. we argue over stupid shit like this all the time, youre a financial burden and have made no attempt to help support us, youve shown no real interest in moving forward in our relationship at all, and you havent shown
 me any affection since she turned up. i dont think it will work out long term
 >dyke pipes up with "urgh men" or some shit
 >gf is stunned, but realises im serious
 starts crying
 okay anon. if thats what you really wan
 dyke:"oh girl its okay, you dont need a man like that anyway. ive been telling you that you guys
 should
 break up since i got here. hes a pig and i know you can do better"
 >bitch i dont know what the fuck youre so happy about, if shes moving out so are you
 >"what do you mean move out? im not moving out. you can move out
 >this is my house. get out of it
 >"no it isnt, gfs name is on the lease, so you can stop lying and get out of here"
 >what. there is no rent lease
 i own this house. where the fuck did you get that
 what? even if thats true, i still have tenants rights. you cant evict me for two weeks haha fag
 >youre not a tenant. you arent paying rent. get the fuck outta my house
 >"what? i was giving my share of the rent to gf
 she doesnt pay rent either, what the fuck
 turns out my gf had been taking "rent money" and buying clothes and shit with
 it. meme.
 >dyke starts threatening to smash my shit if i dont let her stay
 call buddy who is a lawyer to come over
 >he arrives, announces that he is my lawyer and that any destruction of property will be taken seriously and basically youll get raped in court
 >dyke starts crying as well, her and gf start yelling at each other while packing
 >me and buddy play ps3 and eat spaghetti
 the girls start screaming at me that theyre leaving and theyll be back later with cops
 >cool, ill box the rest of your shit up for you so its easy to carry
 they havent returned yet
 >MFW this whole ordeal
 ive got loads more stories about how stupid this relationship was if youre interested

 O Anonymous 05/20/16 (Fri)02:17:30 No.685255087
 >>685255597 >>685255623 >>685255672 685264839 >>685267384 >>685269444 >>685273475
 alright then
 >be about 4 weeks in relationship
 throw parties at my house a fair bit because its my house i do what i want
 >gf wants to throw a party at my house
 maybe, let me see guest list
 >i dont know any of these people
 >"haha yeah theyre my old friends from school
 >alright then, as long as its not a wild party thats fine
 thanks anon youre the best"
 day of party
 >chillin
 'anon i need to talk to you
 >what
 well you know my friends
 >yee
 >"i sort of told them we were married"
 >wattafuc
 >umm alright then,
 >"youre so cool! thanks so much"
 >later on first guest arrived
 >before i answer the door gf grabs m
 >"oh i also told them youre a lawyer, play along
 >what the genuine fuck
 okay
 >party is boring as shit, its just gf ing to one up everyone about how rad her life is
 >fuck you bitch
 >get really drunk
 start giving legal advice to anyone who would listen
 really bad legal advice
 i know nothing of the law
 >tell people i work at bergstein, schindler, and boroberg law firm
 >come in and ill give you free legal advice
 a month later gt gets call from her friends
 >"no such law firm exists, is your bf really a lawyer? darren says he saw him at uni"
 >gf is so pissed at me for fucking up her illusion

 Anonymous 05/20/16(Fri)02:24:07 No.685255901
 >>685256054 >>685256153 >>685256158 685256966 685257144 >>685257526 >>685265719 >>685267407 >>685268765 >>685270773
 >>685255104
 i didnt pre type anything fuck you cunt
 >first week after gf moves in
 go do my weekly shopping
 >gf ets home from uni
 ANOOOOOOOOON"
 >what cunt im right here dont yell
 why is there only skim milk"
 >i only drink skim milk
 >"well i only drink full cream, why didnt you buy any
 because you didnt ask, and i didnt know
 honestly anon i swear you never listen to me
 throw out th egood old "what" joke
 she goes mental
 >haha im kidding relax
 there are no breaks on the ANGERY TRAIN
 >she starts yelling about how i dont respect her
 >shoves some clothes into her suitcase
 leaves
 >stays at her parents house for the night
 returns the next morning tail between her legs
 tells me shes sorry, and that i do listen to her she was just mad
 >what
 >i start laughing at the audacity of my joke
 >shes fucking furious
 which is even funnier
 >"you cant even respect my apology anon fuck you, i hate you!"
 goes back to her parents again
 thats probably the top of the stupid arguments

 O Anonymous 05/20/16 (Fri)02:34:16 No.685257421
 685257830 >>685257892 >>685259768
 685255909
 strava mate
 685256054
 no fucks. the sex was pretty good, and she saw the funny side in it the next day, so i stuck around
 alright next one
 middle of summer
 working out in gym set up in garage because gotta keep that alpha physique
 shirtless because im a gross sweaty faggot
 >running on treadmill doing high speed intervals
 >gf comes down
 >"anon my friends are here
 >her girlfriends are there
 oh hey what up, keep running because fuck bitches
 >"well just letting you know theyre hear, put a shirt on for fucks sake
 no you
 her slutty friend doesnt follow them back upstairs
 stop running
 can i help you miss
 "no, just enjoying the view"
 >umm okay good bye im done now gotta get away from this slut
 go have shower
 chill in study doing uni work
 >gf comes in once friends leave
 anon what the fuck did you do
 nothing why
 well slut kept asking really weird questions, like how big your dick is and if we wanted a threesome
 cool, what did you tell her
 WHAAAAT"
 >what
 WHAT DO YOU MEAN"
 >i dunno, wat are you talking about. i didnt say i wanted to fuck her, because i dont, chill out
 what
 yeah the only bitch i wanna fuck is you, calm down
 "fucking hell i hate you anon, but you can be cute sometimes
 so we gon fuck now or what
 "haha youre so funny"
 for real if you aint down ta smash ima go whip my dick right now i dont give a fuck
 >"oh anon, youre hilarious
 >im serious
 pull dick out
 "OMG"
 >shes down to bone
 good times

 O Anonymous 05/20/16 (Fri)02:48:10 No.685259313
 685263217 685267059
 about 2 months into relationship
 >gf asks why i own house
 >my parents died when i was 18 and left me the house
 >"haha good one anon, really though
 >im serious m8
 really anon, tell me why"
 >i am
 >"this joke isnt funny dammit! why wont you tell me
 >i am tho
 she gets mad and huffs and goes away
 about 2 hours later she comes back
 anon i am SO sorry"
 >its cool, i dont mind, its been 4 years
 >"no my behaviour was not okay, ive been a real naughty girl"
 >"to make it up to you, you can punish me however you want"
 >cool
 put her on leash in room
 >"anon what are you going to do to me now teehee
 youll see
 >go get her food and drink
 bring it in
 >"what, i dont understand
 you get to stay here, ive invited the boys around for a boys night
 "WHAT!"
 its cool, theyll be gone by like 12, then we can get started
 the boys come and go, ends up being a big night
 smashed, i enter our room
 try untie gf
 takes me about 5 minutes to undo a single knot
 >shes super horny, apparently dogging her for the boys turned her on
 >slur about how im going to fuck her
 fall onto bed
 pass out
 she was annoyed but thought that was pretty funny

 Anonymous 05/20/16 (Fri)03:02:49 No.685261258 68526, 1639
 >>685259768
 neither, im a whit boy from straya. i was just shit talking in that scenario
 new story
 out on a date
 >take her to nice restaurant and everything
 shits going well
 >shes giving me the bedroom eyes, i know she wants it
 >get to end of our meal
 decide to have fun
 >our waiter seems really cool, hes been dicking around all night and even got us some complementary drinks because he thinks we're cool
 >at the end of the meal, i ask him how the bathrooms are
 "what"
 Are they clean, is there enough room for two, etc.
 "what"
 the gf is looking pretty good and i dont think i can wait to get back to the car, i reckon shed be keen for a go right now if you catch my drift
 waiter starts laughing
 >gf is filthy dirty
 >couple seated near us here, woman glares at us, her husband laughs, she glares at him, he starts skulling his drink and giggling
 waiter starts saying the bathrooms are "clean enough", and how there isnt much room, but im pretty thin so we should be able to make it work.
 >"theres no condom machine either, so if you didnt come prepared you should get out of here, we dont like unsafe practices here'
 im dying
 give him a $100 tip
 he refuses because straya
 ask his name
 >call up restaurant later, ask to speak to manager, tell him about how great our service was last night and how the waiter was a great guy
 manager is stoked to hear such compliments about his restaurant
 >gf was mad and we didnt end up fuckin, but was still worth it
/b/tard has a memetastic relationship

/b/tard has a memetastic relationship

4chan, Bodies , and Complex: Anonymous 12/14/15 42 No.24976896 File: She's secretly dead inside jpg (470 KB, 1887x1179) 24976450 Because you're not a fucking Chad. Drawings, writing, and fantasies let us express feelings and thoughts far too deep for a fucking sleezy porn director or shitty porn actress to convey. n a nutshell, 99% of porn stars and producers are either too lazy to put in the effort to make porn genuine, or the e simply too overexposed to sexuality to see anything more to it than raw desire and explicitness Hentai artists are like you and me Mostly introverted >Looks for emotional connections and sentimental feelings in both relationships and their sexuality >Little to no sexual experience >Likes grills that seem more purelless experience (not limited to absolute virgins, but not the fucking tramp who will suck off anyone who buys her a drink >Wants a gf, not a friend with benefits Wants to feel loved Porn stars and producers are the fucking polar opposite of us and our desires, the epitome of Chad-dom >Fucked by so many people they fail to feel anything more than physical stimulation from sex >Wants sex with zero strings attached >Has sex with many different people on a regular basis >Wants friends with benefits >Everybody showered them with attention throughout their lives because they were conventionally attractive None of those pornstars have the life or personality we seek in grills, my friend. There's nothing more to the than meets the eye They not kind and loving because they get all the attention and affection they need simply due to their bodies They not sentimental and emotional because the desensitized to sex just like we're desensitized to porn They not funny or smart because they never fucking had to be, they had conventionally attractive bodies They don't have complex thoughts or ideas because their bodies do all the tal king, even hey wi anted to do som ething more than just porn Anon on Porn vs Hentai
4chan, Bodies , and Complex: Anonymous 12/14/15 42 No.24976896
 File: She's secretly dead inside
 jpg (470 KB, 1887x1179)
 24976450
 Because you're not a fucking Chad. Drawings, writing, and fantasies let us express feelings and thoughts far too deep for a fucking sleezy porn director or shitty porn actress to convey.
 n a nutshell, 99% of porn stars and producers are either too lazy to put in the effort to make porn genuine, or the
 e simply too overexposed to sexuality to see anything more to
 it than raw
 desire and explicitness
 Hentai artists are like you and me
 Mostly introverted
 >Looks for emotional connections and sentimental feelings in both relationships and their sexuality
 >Little to no sexual experience
 >Likes grills that seem more purelless experience
 (not limited to absolute virgins,
 but not the fucking tramp who will suck off anyone who buys her a drink
 >Wants a
 gf, not a friend with benefits
 Wants to feel loved
 Porn stars and producers are the fucking polar opposite of us and our desires, the epitome of Chad-dom
 >Fucked by so many people they fail to feel anything more than physical stimulation from sex
 >Wants sex with zero strings attached
 >Has sex with many different people on a regular basis
 >Wants friends
 with benefits
 >Everybody showered them with attention throughout their lives because they were conventionally attractive
 None of those pornstars have the life or personality we seek in grills, my friend. There's nothing more to the
 than meets the eye
 They
 not kind and loving because they get all the attention and affection they need simply due to their bodies
 They
 not sentimental and emotional because the
 desensitized to sex just like we're desensitized to porn
 They
 not funny or smart because they never fucking had to be, they had conventionally attractive bodies
 They don't have complex thoughts or ideas because their bodies do all the tal
 king, even
 hey wi
 anted to do som
 ething more than just porn
Anon on Porn vs Hentai

Anon on Porn vs Hentai

Ass, Baby, It's Cold Outside, and Bad: File: 1375447446903 jpg-(2 KB 126x126, 13161847 38105s.jpg) Anonymous (ID: o45zgJJp) 08/02/13 (Fri008:44:06 No.497225007 decide need to clean my intestines out fast for 3 days to begin my journey to shitgri-la third day begins need something to eat at this point I have survived by drinking Gatorade to keep my blood sugar up, l am a shit monk, left bedridden ingest three colon cleansers, a whole can of sauerkraut, 2 liters of water go to sleep for four hours wake up, feel my ass getting ready to drop a fat man on nagassaki sit on my ivory throne of ascension unleash ungodly fart that lasts for 3 minutes straight the smell is so bad my dog leaves the bathroom(he was my only companion in this troubled time, and he had forsaken me) the shits begin all is well first, until l feel shit moving inside of me now it's liquid lava concrete pouring out my ass feel something huge coming after 15 minutes of this it gets stuck start crying and make amends with jesus, buddha, hitler, bob marley, allah, and charles manson >it begins shit flies at mach 2 out my ass it's huge chunky shit thats red hot feels like shards meanwhile an IV drip of shitwater is coming out my ass my toilet is filling with shit, this is how l die it subsides something long is dangling out my ass and squirming oh fuck oh fuck theres a tapeworm coming out my ass this fucker is long, he's touching the water start screaming HELP ME BABY JESUS while smashing the flush lever as much as possible my fucking dog comes back in, leaves because of the smell the tapeworm rips in half due to the suction of the water concentrate my tantric force, l can feel the worm returning to the safe haven of my asshole drop the muscle power in my anus, reach down and grab tapeworm, pull what must be 10 feet of worm down into toilet once all is said and down, l go take the longest fucking shower ever, lie in my bed naked and cry in the fetal position >l never asked for this knowledge of the beast that dwells in my ass Don't fiddle with the doors that sauerkraut unlocks anons, you might not enjoy what is behind them Replies: 497226069 Anonymous (ID: 4FusIEXA) 08/02/13 (Fri)08:49:04 No.497225510 thats fucking terrifying Anonymous (ID: PIRQuAHY) 08/02/13 (Fri)08:52:07 No.497225783 That really is FUCKING terrifying
Ass, Baby, It's Cold Outside, and Bad: File: 1375447446903
 jpg-(2 KB
 126x126, 13161847 38105s.jpg)
 Anonymous
 (ID: o45zgJJp) 08/02/13 (Fri008:44:06 No.497225007
 decide need to clean my intestines out
 fast for 3 days to begin my journey to shitgri-la
 third day begins
 need something to eat
 at this point I have survived by drinking Gatorade to keep my blood sugar up, l am a shit monk, left bedridden
 ingest three colon cleansers, a whole can of sauerkraut, 2 liters of water
 go to sleep for four hours
 wake up, feel my ass getting ready to drop a fat man on nagassaki
 sit on my ivory throne of ascension
 unleash ungodly fart that lasts for 3 minutes straight
 the smell is so bad my dog leaves the bathroom(he was my only companion in this troubled time, and he had forsaken me)
 the shits begin
 all is well first, until l feel shit moving inside of me
 now it's liquid lava concrete pouring out my ass
 feel something huge coming after 15 minutes of this
 it gets stuck
 start crying and make amends with jesus, buddha, hitler, bob marley, allah, and charles manson
 >it begins
 shit flies at mach 2 out my ass
 it's huge chunky shit thats red hot
 feels like shards
 meanwhile an IV drip of shitwater is coming out my ass
 my toilet is filling with shit, this is how l die
 it subsides
 something long is dangling out my ass and squirming
 oh fuck oh fuck
 theres a tapeworm coming out my ass
 this fucker is long, he's touching the water
 start screaming HELP ME BABY JESUS while smashing the flush lever as much as possible
 my fucking dog comes back in, leaves because of the smell
 the tapeworm rips in half due to the suction of the water
 concentrate my tantric force, l can feel the worm returning to the safe haven of my asshole
 drop the muscle power in my anus, reach down and grab tapeworm, pull what must be 10 feet of worm down into toilet
 once all is said and down, l go take the longest fucking shower ever, lie in my bed naked and cry in the fetal position
 >l never asked for this knowledge of the beast that dwells in my ass
 Don't fiddle
 with the doors that sauerkraut unlocks anons, you might not enjoy what is behind them
 Replies: 497226069
 Anonymous (ID: 4FusIEXA) 08/02/13 (Fri)08:49:04 No.497225510
 thats fucking terrifying
 Anonymous (ID: PIRQuAHY) 08/02/13 (Fri)08:52:07 No.497225783
That really is FUCKING terrifying

That really is FUCKING terrifying