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Af, Ass, and Bruh: Niggas on Neptune when they homie get clapped by a flying diamond @typicalterome BRUHHHHH LEMME TELL YALL WHAT HAPPENED TODAY 馃拃 ight so a nigga had to get to work early because of a complicated ass reason. Anyway I pull up to the function and the first bullshit thing I see is the door. THE FUCKING DOOR HANDLE TO THE CFA GOT BOONK GANGED 馃拃馃拃馃槶馃槶 Deadass I can鈥檛 lie, I asked my manager and they said it was taken 馃拃 bruh I don鈥檛 live in chiraq, this shit shouldn鈥檛 be happening. Anyway I鈥檓 sitting there with my coworkers cause it鈥檚 4:00 and we all clock in at 5 right. All of a sudden I notice my first period teacher walk into the building. So me and my other coworker duck because that鈥檚 her teacher too and we wasn鈥檛 tryna get caught lacking. Ima just call her Alexis. BUT THE WALKING DILDO NAMED JEREMIAH HAD TO RUIN IT. He gets my teachers attention and the NIGGA NOTICES US 馃槶 So the teacher walks over with his daughter that he鈥檚 always talking about in class and smiles at me and Alexis. 鈥淗ey *insert my last name*鈥 This nigga only calls you by yo last bruh and it鈥檚 dumb af 馃拃 We shake hands and shit and then he introduces his daughter. 鈥淭his is Leah. Hey Leah, this is the guy who I always talk about at home.鈥 Then the nigga smiles at me. MY NIGGA WHY YOU TALKING ABOUT ME AT HOME 馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶 fuckwrongwiteem. So now I鈥檓 all confused and shit and then Jeremiah nods his head at Leah and mouths the word 鈥渇orehead鈥 馃拃 bruh ngl her forehead was on some Yo Gotti type shit 馃槶馃槶 then this nigga Jeremiah has the AUDACITY to say: 鈥淢y head hurt.鈥 馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶 IM WHEEZINGGGGGG AT THIS POINT AND MY teacher gets all confused and shit. 鈥淵ou good?鈥 鈥淵eah, just a lot on my mind right now.鈥 BOIIII ME AND JEREMIAH ARE CRYINGGGGGGGG and my teacher still confused. Meanwhile his daughter standing there all awkward and shit. Anyway they say goodbye and leave after that. After they鈥檙e gone, we was still cracking jokes. 鈥淏ruh her forehead was longer than my shift.鈥 鈥淐ould see yo reflection on that shit.鈥 鈥淪he looked like Sheen off that one episode of Jimmy Neutron.鈥 I WAS GONEEEEEEE. Anyway it was 5 now and by then we was still crying. So I was at the register just crying and the customer comes up to me and says, 鈥淵ou alright?鈥 鈥淵eah, just a lot on my mind right now.鈥
Af, Ass, and Bruh: Niggas on Neptune when they homie get
 clapped by a flying diamond
 @typicalterome
BRUHHHHH LEMME TELL YALL WHAT HAPPENED TODAY 馃拃 ight so a nigga had to get to work early because of a complicated ass reason. Anyway I pull up to the function and the first bullshit thing I see is the door. THE FUCKING DOOR HANDLE TO THE CFA GOT BOONK GANGED 馃拃馃拃馃槶馃槶 Deadass I can鈥檛 lie, I asked my manager and they said it was taken 馃拃 bruh I don鈥檛 live in chiraq, this shit shouldn鈥檛 be happening. Anyway I鈥檓 sitting there with my coworkers cause it鈥檚 4:00 and we all clock in at 5 right. All of a sudden I notice my first period teacher walk into the building. So me and my other coworker duck because that鈥檚 her teacher too and we wasn鈥檛 tryna get caught lacking. Ima just call her Alexis. BUT THE WALKING DILDO NAMED JEREMIAH HAD TO RUIN IT. He gets my teachers attention and the NIGGA NOTICES US 馃槶 So the teacher walks over with his daughter that he鈥檚 always talking about in class and smiles at me and Alexis. 鈥淗ey *insert my last name*鈥 This nigga only calls you by yo last bruh and it鈥檚 dumb af 馃拃 We shake hands and shit and then he introduces his daughter. 鈥淭his is Leah. Hey Leah, this is the guy who I always talk about at home.鈥 Then the nigga smiles at me. MY NIGGA WHY YOU TALKING ABOUT ME AT HOME 馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶 fuckwrongwiteem. So now I鈥檓 all confused and shit and then Jeremiah nods his head at Leah and mouths the word 鈥渇orehead鈥 馃拃 bruh ngl her forehead was on some Yo Gotti type shit 馃槶馃槶 then this nigga Jeremiah has the AUDACITY to say: 鈥淢y head hurt.鈥 馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶 IM WHEEZINGGGGGG AT THIS POINT AND MY teacher gets all confused and shit. 鈥淵ou good?鈥 鈥淵eah, just a lot on my mind right now.鈥 BOIIII ME AND JEREMIAH ARE CRYINGGGGGGGG and my teacher still confused. Meanwhile his daughter standing there all awkward and shit. Anyway they say goodbye and leave after that. After they鈥檙e gone, we was still cracking jokes. 鈥淏ruh her forehead was longer than my shift.鈥 鈥淐ould see yo reflection on that shit.鈥 鈥淪he looked like Sheen off that one episode of Jimmy Neutron.鈥 I WAS GONEEEEEEE. Anyway it was 5 now and by then we was still crying. So I was at the register just crying and the customer comes up to me and says, 鈥淵ou alright?鈥 鈥淵eah, just a lot on my mind right now.鈥

BRUHHHHH LEMME TELL YALL WHAT HAPPENED TODAY 馃拃 ight so a nigga had to get to work early because of a complicated ass reason. Anyway I pull u...

Being Alone, Ass, and Bad: I'm a 21 year-old male. I was out running my 2 miles. Headphones in, music playing, minding my own business. I round the corner at about the halfway point of the run and I see this big black duck looking at me. As I get closer, think to myself, "Man, that's a brave duck, why isn't he running away?" I keep running and realize the duck not only isn't afraid of me or running away, he's running right at me. So I stop and squat down, thinking maybe he was hurt and needed help or something. This bitch ass giant fucking black duck takes a huge bite out of my leg. Like, not playing, drew blood kinda bite I'm thinking to myself, "What the fuck?" So I'm like, maybe he's just an asshole and I keep running think he will leave me alone. I start running again and the faster Irun, the faster he chases me. I start sprinting and he is literally flying behind me attacking me. I'm thinking, "Ive got enough fucking problems in my life as it is man, I dont need this shit so I stop running again kinda like in disbelief trying to figure out what to do. In all my years of being a person, Ive never trained for this This little punk ass duck is chomping on my ankles and it's actually really hurting. He starts grabbing my shoelaces and untying them as I'm trying to run backwards away from him. Weve covered a quarter mile at this point. I try picking him up and throwing him back away from me every time he lunges for blood. I'm thinking, "How the fuck am I gonna explain this if I have to go to the doctor for a duck attack? I'm a grown ass man. This isbullshit." I try running again and he keeps flying after me. I'm at a loss. I dont know what to do at this point. I'm manage to get my phone and start texting my girlfriend, asking her what to do. Am I really gonna have to kill this duck to get away? Like, I don't want to, but I might have to actually fucking kick this duck or grab it by the neck? Seriously?" We have covered 3/4 of a mile at this point. He bites me again and I drop my phone. I pick it up quickly. Who do I call? I've got fucking scars and cuts all over me. While I'm debating whether stand-your-ground laws apply to ducks, I hear a noise; Someone else was outside walking on an adjacent street and came to see what all of the commotion was This was a big mistake. The duck smelled blood, and gave up attacking me to chase after my savior. I saw my window and booked it home running the last half mile in 2:50 flat. I feel kinda bad, that duck has probably killed that dude by now. The last saw of him was the look I took over my shoulder running away as he made the same mistake I did, looking down to see if the duck was hurt worth the read
Being Alone, Ass, and Bad: I'm a 21 year-old male. I was out running my 2 miles. Headphones in, music playing, minding my own
 business. I round the corner at about the halfway point of the run and I see this big black duck looking at
 me. As I get closer, think to myself, "Man, that's a brave duck, why isn't he running away?" I keep running
 and realize the duck not only isn't afraid of me or running away, he's running right at me. So I stop and
 squat down, thinking maybe he was hurt and needed help or something. This bitch ass giant fucking black
 duck takes a huge bite out of my leg. Like, not playing, drew blood kinda bite
 I'm thinking to myself, "What the fuck?" So I'm like, maybe he's just an asshole and I keep running think he
 will leave me alone. I start running again and the faster Irun, the faster he chases me. I start sprinting and
 he is literally flying behind me attacking me. I'm thinking, "Ive got enough fucking problems in my life as it is
 man, I dont need this shit so I stop running again kinda like in disbelief trying to figure out what to do. In all
 my years of being a person, Ive never trained for this
 This little punk ass duck is chomping on my ankles and it's actually really hurting. He starts grabbing my
 shoelaces and untying them as I'm trying to run backwards away from him. Weve covered a quarter mile at
 this point. I try picking him up and throwing him back away from me every time he lunges for blood. I'm
 thinking, "How the fuck am I gonna explain this if I have to go to the doctor for a duck attack? I'm a grown
 ass man. This isbullshit."
 I try running again and he keeps flying after me. I'm at a loss. I dont know what to do at this point. I'm
 manage to get my phone and start texting my girlfriend, asking her what to do. Am I really gonna have to
 kill this duck to get away? Like, I don't want to, but I might have to actually fucking kick this duck or grab it
 by the neck? Seriously?" We have covered 3/4 of a mile at this point. He bites me again and I drop my
 phone. I pick it up quickly. Who do I call? I've got fucking scars and cuts all over me. While I'm debating
 whether stand-your-ground laws apply to ducks, I hear a noise; Someone else was outside walking on an
 adjacent street and came to see what all of the commotion was
 This was a big mistake. The duck smelled blood, and gave up attacking me to chase after my savior. I saw
 my window and booked it home running the last half mile in 2:50 flat. I feel kinda bad, that duck has
 probably killed that dude by now. The last saw of him was the look I took over my shoulder running away
 as he made the same mistake I did, looking down to see if the duck was hurt
worth the read

worth the read

A Dream, Ariana Grande, and Cute: After sex selfies are always so damn cute The Summer of 1801 was hot and humid. All the slaves were slaving away in the fields, as the white man watched. Us slaves were planning our escape, and today was the day. I wipe my forehead of sweat and yell back towards the plantation. "Massa! You gon wanna come see dis." The man spits out his tobbaco and grabs his rifle. I get nervous as he walks towards me. "Whats the problem boy?" I point to the cotton. "Id say theres an insect of the sorts eating tha cotton roots massa." He lays his rifle down and bends over to inspect the plant. I quickly grab the gun and beat him repeatedly over head until hes more lifeless than a Ariana Grande concert. I nod to the other slaves and we charge back to the plantation house. Rodney, who got 10 lashings for fucking a cow, kicks down the door with his powerful legs. We storm into the house and all of the house wives scream. We silence them and head downstairs to the basement. We find more rifles and distribute one to all the other slaves. We had to hurry before Massa 2 came back from the market. When we get back up stairs we hear barking. The dogs. One time my friend Jim had his penis ripped off by one when he tried to escape. But I aint afraid to hurt a dog word to Vick. The slaves decide to split up and I run out on my own. I make the decision to run towards the creek. I hear barking behind me and its getting closer. The river is yards infront of me. I turn my head and see a Massa with a dog. Massa points his rifle at me and shoots. I duck and dive into the river. I stay submerged until the current pushed me far enough away. Its over. (LMAO SIKE YOU THOUGHT THESE STORIES NEVER HAVE GOOD ENDINGS) I wake up in my tent, sweat dripping from my forehead. It was just a dream.
A Dream, Ariana Grande, and Cute: After sex selfies are always so damn
 cute
The Summer of 1801 was hot and humid. All the slaves were slaving away in the fields, as the white man watched. Us slaves were planning our escape, and today was the day. I wipe my forehead of sweat and yell back towards the plantation. "Massa! You gon wanna come see dis." The man spits out his tobbaco and grabs his rifle. I get nervous as he walks towards me. "Whats the problem boy?" I point to the cotton. "Id say theres an insect of the sorts eating tha cotton roots massa." He lays his rifle down and bends over to inspect the plant. I quickly grab the gun and beat him repeatedly over head until hes more lifeless than a Ariana Grande concert. I nod to the other slaves and we charge back to the plantation house. Rodney, who got 10 lashings for fucking a cow, kicks down the door with his powerful legs. We storm into the house and all of the house wives scream. We silence them and head downstairs to the basement. We find more rifles and distribute one to all the other slaves. We had to hurry before Massa 2 came back from the market. When we get back up stairs we hear barking. The dogs. One time my friend Jim had his penis ripped off by one when he tried to escape. But I aint afraid to hurt a dog word to Vick. The slaves decide to split up and I run out on my own. I make the decision to run towards the creek. I hear barking behind me and its getting closer. The river is yards infront of me. I turn my head and see a Massa with a dog. Massa points his rifle at me and shoots. I duck and dive into the river. I stay submerged until the current pushed me far enough away. Its over. (LMAO SIKE YOU THOUGHT THESE STORIES NEVER HAVE GOOD ENDINGS) I wake up in my tent, sweat dripping from my forehead. It was just a dream.

The Summer of 1801 was hot and humid. All the slaves were slaving away in the fields, as the white man watched. Us slaves were planning our ...