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    Bluetooth, Bored, and Cars: . Verizon LTE
 12:09 PM
 a houston.craigslist.org
 image 1 of 23
 TEXAS
 BNL-2934
 You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's
 hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever
 compliment you on? Well look no further.

 The 1999 Toyota Corolla
 Let's talk about features
 Bluetooth: nope
 Sunroof: nope
 Fancy wheels: nope
 Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear
 window and you have a fucking neck that can turn
 Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a
 strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went
 away. The End
 You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the
 Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years
 later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with
 Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right
 This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children
 Things this car is old enough to do:
 Vote: yes
 Consent to sex: ves
 Rent a car: it IS a car
 This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done
 straight things in this car. People have done gay things ın this
 car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen
 would

 Interesting facts
 This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey
 In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional."
 When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it
 caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The
 resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building
 caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The
 event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The
 Story of the 1999 Tovota Corolla"
 You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a
 Facebook survey.
 Favorite food: spaghetti
 Favorite tv show: Alf
 Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
 This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-
 road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as
 utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based
 entirely on water bills
 When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece
 of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine."
 Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty
 contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop
 lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you
 deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
 Whit
 Bayou
 BWa
catchymemes:

This man knows how to sell a car


    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Bluetooth, Bored, and Cars: . Verizon LTE
 12:09 PM
 a houston.craigslist.org
 image 1 of 23
 TEXAS
 BNL-2934
 You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's
 hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever
 compliment you on? Well look no further.

 The 1999 Toyota Corolla
 Let's talk about features
 Bluetooth: nope
 Sunroof: nope
 Fancy wheels: nope
 Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear
 window and you have a fucking neck that can turn
 Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a
 strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went
 away. The End
 You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the
 Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years
 later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with
 Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right
 This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children
 Things this car is old enough to do:
 Vote: yes
 Consent to sex: ves
 Rent a car: it IS a car
 This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done
 straight things in this car. People have done gay things ın this
 car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen
 would

 Interesting facts
 This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey
 In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional."
 When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it
 caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The
 resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building
 caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The
 event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The
 Story of the 1999 Tovota Corolla"
 You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a
 Facebook survey.
 Favorite food: spaghetti
 Favorite tv show: Alf
 Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
 This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-
 road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as
 utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based
 entirely on water bills
 When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece
 of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine."
 Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty
 contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop
 lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you
 deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
 Whit
 Bayou
 BWa
catchymemes:

This man knows how to sell a car


                
            

            
            
catchymemes:

This man knows how to sell a car



            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Advice, Being Alone, and Anaconda: An Econ Teacher Gave His Senior
 Highschool Students His Personal
 List Of Wisest Words..And They
 Make A Lot Of Sense.
 1 There are plenty of ways to enter a pool The stairs
 is not one of them
 2 Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
 3. Don't knock it till you try it
 4. a stree performer makes you stop walking, you
 owe him a buck
 5
 Always use we when referring to your home
 6.
 When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
 7.
 Don't underestimate free throws in a game of
 HORSE.
 8 lust because you can doesn't mean you should
 9. Don't dumb yourself down.
 10 You only get one chance to notice new
 hairout.
 11 If you're staying more than one night, unpack
 12. Never park in front of a bar
 13. Expect the seat in front of you to redine.
 Prepare
 14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first cer, and
 first
 15.
 Hold your heroes to a high standard.
 17 Never lie to your doctor
 18 All guns are
 19. Don't mention sunburns. Believe me, they
 know.
 20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it
 Even if it's only once.
 21
 Take
 and TV once
 vacation of your cell phone, internet,
 year
 22.
 Don't fill up on bread, no matter how good.
 24
 Don't linger in the doorway. in or out
 25.
 If you choose to go in drag, don't sell yourself
 short.
 26.
 If you want to know what makes you unique,
 sit for
 27 Never get your haircut the day of a
 special
 28 Be mindful of what comes between you and
 the Earth Ahways buy good shoes, tires and
 sheets.
 29. Never eat unch at your desk If you can avoid it
 30. When you're with new friends, don't just tak
 31. Eat unch with the new kids
 32. When traveling, keep your wits about you No
 33. It's never too late for an apology.
 34. Don't pose wth boore. It's unbecoming.
 5. If you have the right of way, TAKE IT
 36. You don't get to choose your own nickname.
 37, When you marry someone, remember you marry
 39.
 Under nocrcumstances should you ask ง woman
 40. it'snot enough to be proud of your ancestry, ive
 up to t
 41. Don't make a
 42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet
 44. Never glost
 46. Make time for your mother on your birthday. It'sa
 special day for her too
 47. When opening presents, no one lices &a good
 guesver
 48. Sympathy Is a crutch Never take ล limp.
 49, Give credit, Take biame
 50. Suck it up every now and then.
 51. Never be the last one in the pool
 52. Don't stare.
 53. Address everyone that carries a firearm
 54. Stand up to bulies, You only have to do it once.
 55. fyoul've made your point, stop talking
 56. Admit it when you're wrong
 7. it you offer to help don't quit until the job is done
 58. Look people in the eye when you thank them
 60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.
 61. Forgive yoursef for your mistakes.
 62. Know at least one good joke.
 63. Don't boo Even the ref is somebody's son
 one good meal
 65,
 Leam to drive manual/stick shift.
 66. Be cool to yourger kids. Reputations are built over
 67. It's okay to po to the movies by yourself
 68. Dance with your mother/Tather
 69. Don't lose your cool. Especialy at work
 0. Always thank the host
 71. It you don't understand, ask before it's too late.
 72. Know the size of your boyfriend girtriend's
 73 There is nothing wrong with a plain t shirt.
 74. De a good ästener. Don't just take your turn to
 5. eep your word,
 76.
 In colege always sit near the front. You'll stand
 our immediately and come grade time it will oome in
 handy.
 7. Carry your mother's begs, She carried you for 9
 78. Be pacient with arport security. They are just
 79. Don't be the talker in a movie.
 80. The oppesite svex ikes people who shower.
 81. You are what you da. Nat what you say
 82. Learn to change tire
 83. Be kind Everyone has a hard fight ahead
 84.
 An hour with grandparents is time we
 spent. Ask for
 advice when you need it
 Don't itter
 86,
 tf you have ฮ sister, get to know her
 87. You won't always be the strongest or
 fastest. But you can't be the toughest
 89. Duy the orange properties in Monopoly
 90. Make the littie things count.
 91
 92. There is a fine line between loaking suitry
 and slutty. Find it
 93.
 94.
 You're never too old to need your Mom.
 Ladies,
 2 you make the decision to wee
 hees on the first dste commit to keeping
 them on and keeping your trap shut about
 how much your feet kil
 96.
 Your dance moves might not be the best.
 but i promise making a fool of yourself is
 more fun than sitting on the bench alone
 99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime
 100. If you HAVE to fight, punch first and
 punch hard.
epicjohndoe:

Wise Words From A Smart Teacher
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Advice, Being Alone, and Anaconda: An Econ Teacher Gave His Senior
 Highschool Students His Personal
 List Of Wisest Words..And They
 Make A Lot Of Sense.
 1 There are plenty of ways to enter a pool The stairs
 is not one of them
 2 Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
 3. Don't knock it till you try it
 4. a stree performer makes you stop walking, you
 owe him a buck
 5
 Always use we when referring to your home
 6.
 When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
 7.
 Don't underestimate free throws in a game of
 HORSE.
 8 lust because you can doesn't mean you should
 9. Don't dumb yourself down.
 10 You only get one chance to notice new
 hairout.
 11 If you're staying more than one night, unpack
 12. Never park in front of a bar
 13. Expect the seat in front of you to redine.
 Prepare
 14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first cer, and
 first
 15.
 Hold your heroes to a high standard.
 17 Never lie to your doctor
 18 All guns are
 19. Don't mention sunburns. Believe me, they
 know.
 20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it
 Even if it's only once.
 21
 Take
 and TV once
 vacation of your cell phone, internet,
 year
 22.
 Don't fill up on bread, no matter how good.
 24
 Don't linger in the doorway. in or out
 25.
 If you choose to go in drag, don't sell yourself
 short.
 26.
 If you want to know what makes you unique,
 sit for
 27 Never get your haircut the day of a
 special
 28 Be mindful of what comes between you and
 the Earth Ahways buy good shoes, tires and
 sheets.
 29. Never eat unch at your desk If you can avoid it
 30. When you're with new friends, don't just tak
 31. Eat unch with the new kids
 32. When traveling, keep your wits about you No
 33. It's never too late for an apology.
 34. Don't pose wth boore. It's unbecoming.
 5. If you have the right of way, TAKE IT
 36. You don't get to choose your own nickname.
 37, When you marry someone, remember you marry
 39.
 Under nocrcumstances should you ask ง woman
 40. it'snot enough to be proud of your ancestry, ive
 up to t
 41. Don't make a
 42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet
 44. Never glost
 46. Make time for your mother on your birthday. It'sa
 special day for her too
 47. When opening presents, no one lices &a good
 guesver
 48. Sympathy Is a crutch Never take ล limp.
 49, Give credit, Take biame
 50. Suck it up every now and then.
 51. Never be the last one in the pool
 52. Don't stare.
 53. Address everyone that carries a firearm
 54. Stand up to bulies, You only have to do it once.
 55. fyoul've made your point, stop talking
 56. Admit it when you're wrong
 7. it you offer to help don't quit until the job is done
 58. Look people in the eye when you thank them
 60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.
 61. Forgive yoursef for your mistakes.
 62. Know at least one good joke.
 63. Don't boo Even the ref is somebody's son
 one good meal
 65,
 Leam to drive manual/stick shift.
 66. Be cool to yourger kids. Reputations are built over
 67. It's okay to po to the movies by yourself
 68. Dance with your mother/Tather
 69. Don't lose your cool. Especialy at work
 0. Always thank the host
 71. It you don't understand, ask before it's too late.
 72. Know the size of your boyfriend girtriend's
 73 There is nothing wrong with a plain t shirt.
 74. De a good ästener. Don't just take your turn to
 5. eep your word,
 76.
 In colege always sit near the front. You'll stand
 our immediately and come grade time it will oome in
 handy.
 7. Carry your mother's begs, She carried you for 9
 78. Be pacient with arport security. They are just
 79. Don't be the talker in a movie.
 80. The oppesite svex ikes people who shower.
 81. You are what you da. Nat what you say
 82. Learn to change tire
 83. Be kind Everyone has a hard fight ahead
 84.
 An hour with grandparents is time we
 spent. Ask for
 advice when you need it
 Don't itter
 86,
 tf you have ฮ sister, get to know her
 87. You won't always be the strongest or
 fastest. But you can't be the toughest
 89. Duy the orange properties in Monopoly
 90. Make the littie things count.
 91
 92. There is a fine line between loaking suitry
 and slutty. Find it
 93.
 94.
 You're never too old to need your Mom.
 Ladies,
 2 you make the decision to wee
 hees on the first dste commit to keeping
 them on and keeping your trap shut about
 how much your feet kil
 96.
 Your dance moves might not be the best.
 but i promise making a fool of yourself is
 more fun than sitting on the bench alone
 99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime
 100. If you HAVE to fight, punch first and
 punch hard.
epicjohndoe:

Wise Words From A Smart Teacher
                
            

            
            
epicjohndoe:

Wise Words From A Smart Teacher

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Anna, Ariel, and Ass: WWw.missho1IS-P
misshollyslair:

*** Please support me by buying me a Ko-fi ! Tips help me make art for pure enjoyment like this piece :) Plus you’ll get a little something by mail if you tip me 3 Ko-fis or more ! https://ko-fi.com/missholly ***This is my remake of Winterhalter’s painting of Empress Eugenie and her ladies in waiting. If you’ve followed me for quite some time, you’ll remember I made a first version of this painting a few years ago, in 2013 to be precise, which I still like a lot (https://www.deviantart.com/hollybell/art/Princess-Tea-Party-417118671). It was already a bit ambitious for me at the time, and you’ll notice I took quite some shortcuts here and there, especially with the background. Because of that, and because I never got around to take part in the improvement meme that circulated a while ago, I decided to make a new updated version ! I had been wanting to do it for a long time, and recent events made it possible for me to set aside enough time to make it happen.You’ll notice I changed the princesses who appear in the image. There’s no particular reason behind it, but if I had to give one I’d say it’s just to suit my current taste better :) For instance, I can’t remember why I picked Snow White at the time, because she’s not one of my favs. My favorite princesses are Belle and Ariel, so they stay in the front spots :) I also love Giselle, and I have sweet spots for Moana and Rapunzel. Except this time I gave her her long hair for a change. Tiana kicks ass so I really wanted her to stay too, and I also adore Mulan so she just HAD to be there. The two women in the bottom right corner in Winterhalter’s painting seem to have a closer relationship, and it just seemed that it would be perfect for sisters. I hesitated because there are other girls I like way more than Anna and Elsa but it seemed more consistent that way. And bonus point, an excuse to add glitter ! \o/A couple of questions I get often :« Why is [insert other princess] not here ? »Well, if you look at Winterhalter’s painting, you’ll notice there are only 9 women, and so I had to stick to that. So yeah, obviously that’s not enough room to draw everyone. I picked the princesses I liked best or wanted to draw at that point, but feel free to make your own version with the ones you like !« Why so much watermark ? It ruins the piece ! »Because I’m really done with my stuff being stolen, cropped and savagely reposted on pages with no credit. Artists make art for everybody to enjoy, the least one can do is respect their hard work and always credit. Credit is vital to us because it gets us out there and enables clients to find us. DON’T REPOST WITHOUT PROPER CREDIT (name and link), AND DON’T CROP. Please and thank you.
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Anna, Ariel, and Ass: WWw.missho1IS-P
misshollyslair:

*** Please support me by buying me a Ko-fi ! Tips help me make art for pure enjoyment like this piece :) Plus you’ll get a little something by mail if you tip me 3 Ko-fis or more ! https://ko-fi.com/missholly ***This is my remake of Winterhalter’s painting of Empress Eugenie and her ladies in waiting. If you’ve followed me for quite some time, you’ll remember I made a first version of this painting a few years ago, in 2013 to be precise, which I still like a lot (https://www.deviantart.com/hollybell/art/Princess-Tea-Party-417118671). It was already a bit ambitious for me at the time, and you’ll notice I took quite some shortcuts here and there, especially with the background. Because of that, and because I never got around to take part in the improvement meme that circulated a while ago, I decided to make a new updated version ! I had been wanting to do it for a long time, and recent events made it possible for me to set aside enough time to make it happen.You’ll notice I changed the princesses who appear in the image. There’s no particular reason behind it, but if I had to give one I’d say it’s just to suit my current taste better :) For instance, I can’t remember why I picked Snow White at the time, because she’s not one of my favs. My favorite princesses are Belle and Ariel, so they stay in the front spots :) I also love Giselle, and I have sweet spots for Moana and Rapunzel. Except this time I gave her her long hair for a change. Tiana kicks ass so I really wanted her to stay too, and I also adore Mulan so she just HAD to be there. The two women in the bottom right corner in Winterhalter’s painting seem to have a closer relationship, and it just seemed that it would be perfect for sisters. I hesitated because there are other girls I like way more than Anna and Elsa but it seemed more consistent that way. And bonus point, an excuse to add glitter ! \o/A couple of questions I get often :« Why is [insert other princess] not here ? »Well, if you look at Winterhalter’s painting, you’ll notice there are only 9 women, and so I had to stick to that. So yeah, obviously that’s not enough room to draw everyone. I picked the princesses I liked best or wanted to draw at that point, but feel free to make your own version with the ones you like !« Why so much watermark ? It ruins the piece ! »Because I’m really done with my stuff being stolen, cropped and savagely reposted on pages with no credit. Artists make art for everybody to enjoy, the least one can do is respect their hard work and always credit. Credit is vital to us because it gets us out there and enables clients to find us. DON’T REPOST WITHOUT PROPER CREDIT (name and link), AND DON’T CROP. Please and thank you.
                
            

            
            
misshollyslair:

*** Please support me by buying me a Ko-fi ! Tips help me make art for pure enjoyment like this piece :) Plus you’ll get a ...