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Anaconda, Betty White, and Chris Evans: bundibird: wrangletangle: stevenrogered: Chris Evans helps Regina King up the stairs to the stage after her Oscars win Okay listen up, all you dudes out there! It’s time for some life lessons from Chris Evans. Wonder why women are fine with this when he does it, but they find you opening a car door or offering to carry stuff for them annoying? Well, wonder no more! It works like this: A large number of women have had to learn how to dodge and swerve and sometimes even slap away men’s hands from the time they hit puberty - and sometimes before. Ladies, cis and trans both, are unfortunately experienced at being groped, poked, prodded, “helped”, and otherwise humiliated and threatened by men. Then also there’s the condescending attitude that of course we need a man’s help, and we should be grateful he offered it. No thanks. Chris is doing something very different here, and you’ll see it in similar video clips of him at other events. You can read his mental process in his body language. He starts with just clapping and congratulating. He offers nothing until there is a need, which doesn’t happen here until Regina’s shoe gets caught on her dress. Since women have literally tripped up the stairs at this ceremony several times over the years (because the shoe and clothing requirements are ridiculous), it is reasonable at this stage to think that my-shoe-caught-on-my-dress is a problem that actually needs to be addressed. This is when Chris offers. How he offers matters. He starts with an open hand toward her, but this is a big no-no. Open hands are a red flag. Open hands grope and grab and shove. He quickly corrects by flipping his arm over and offering his forearm instead. This makes it her choice whether to grab on or ignore him. She doesn’t have to contend with a potentially threatening hand while she’s also contending with her dress. He also bends down a bit to do this. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Chris is kind of a tall, beefy guy. Guys like that can be a bit intimidating without meaning to be, at least when they’re up close. Also, his arm is a bit too high to be useful to her if he stays at his full height. So he bends down. This is even more visible in the video from him doing this for Betty White at the 2015 Oscars, because she’s shorter than Regina, I guess. He offers his arm for exactly as long as she leans on it. When she lets go, he steps back. This is a guy who isn’t interested in showing off how much she needs his help. He’s just interested in helping, and when he’s not needed, he’s done. He goes back to sit down. He doesn’t hover. Also, Regina King knows who Chris Evans is. His behavior at work thus far has certainly made it into the rumor mill, thus factoring into whether she accepts help from him. Is he a dudebro or jerk to women at work? That doesn’t appear to be the case. Women are not helpless. Compared to men, our clothes are more often obstacles to getting where we need to go safely and with our dignity intact, but conversely, we’ve also learned to deal with that better than most men have. It’s not that we never need or want help; like all people, we do sometimes need a hand. It’s just that “some kinds of help are the kinds of help we all could do without.” If you are offering help to a woman, first make sure she actually appears to be struggling. Second, make yourself as unthreatening as possible and let her do any touching, not the other way around. Third, make sure she can refuse without any consequences. And fourth, back off as soon as she doesn’t need you anymore and let the moment go. I hadn’t even registered why exactly it was that he was so unthreatening in this and the Betty White assistance incidents, but you’re right. It’s all in the way he helps. It’s not that this is unthreatening behaviour “because he’s Chris Evans” – its because his body language is genuinely unthreatening and merely helpful. A+ analysis – I hadn’t even registered the details of why and how this behaviour was 100% ok, while from another man (who probably would have gone about it differentky) it might not have been
Anaconda, Betty White, and Chris Evans: bundibird:

wrangletangle:

stevenrogered:
Chris Evans helps Regina King up the stairs to the stage after her Oscars win
Okay listen up, all you dudes out there! It’s time for some life lessons from Chris Evans.
Wonder why women are fine with this when he does it, but they find you opening a car door or offering to carry stuff for them annoying? Well, wonder no more! It works like this:
A large number of women have had to learn how to dodge and swerve and sometimes even slap away men’s hands from the time they hit puberty - and sometimes before. Ladies, cis and trans both, are unfortunately experienced at being groped, poked, prodded, “helped”, and otherwise humiliated and threatened by men. Then also there’s the condescending attitude that of course we need a man’s help, and we should be grateful he offered it. 
No thanks.
Chris is doing something very different here, and you’ll see it in similar video clips of him at other events. You can read his mental process in his body language. He starts with just clapping and congratulating. He offers nothing until there is a need, which doesn’t happen here until Regina’s shoe gets caught on her dress. Since women have literally tripped up the stairs at this ceremony several times over the years (because the shoe and clothing requirements are ridiculous), it is reasonable at this stage to think that my-shoe-caught-on-my-dress is a problem that actually needs to be addressed. This is when Chris offers.
How he offers matters. He starts with an open hand toward her, but this is a big no-no. Open hands are a red flag. Open hands grope and grab and shove. He quickly corrects by flipping his arm over and offering his forearm instead. This makes it her choice whether to grab on or ignore him. She doesn’t have to contend with a potentially threatening hand while she’s also contending with her dress. 
He also bends down a bit to do this. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Chris is kind of a tall, beefy guy. Guys like that can be a bit intimidating without meaning to be, at least when they’re up close. Also, his arm is a bit too high to be useful to her if he stays at his full height. So he bends down. This is even more visible in the video from him doing this for Betty White at the 2015 Oscars, because she’s shorter than Regina, I guess.
He offers his arm for exactly as long as she leans on it. When she lets go, he steps back. This is a guy who isn’t interested in showing off how much she needs his help. He’s just interested in helping, and when he’s not needed, he’s done. He goes back to sit down. He doesn’t hover.
Also, Regina King knows who Chris Evans is. His behavior at work thus far has certainly made it into the rumor mill, thus factoring into whether she accepts help from him. Is he a dudebro or jerk to women at work? That doesn’t appear to be the case.
Women are not helpless. Compared to men, our clothes are more often obstacles to getting where we need to go safely and with our dignity intact, but conversely, we’ve also learned to deal with that better than most men have. It’s not that we never need or want help; like all people, we do sometimes need a hand. It’s just that “some kinds of help are the kinds of help we all could do without.”
If you are offering help to a woman, first make sure she actually appears to be struggling. Second, make yourself as unthreatening as possible and let her do any touching, not the other way around. Third, make sure she can refuse without any consequences. And fourth, back off as soon as she doesn’t need you anymore and let the moment go.


I hadn’t even registered why exactly it was that he was so unthreatening in this and the Betty White assistance incidents, but you’re right. It’s all in the way he helps. It’s not that this is unthreatening behaviour “because he’s Chris Evans” – its because his body language is genuinely unthreatening and merely helpful. 
A+ analysis – I hadn’t even registered the details of why and how this behaviour was 100% ok, while from another man (who probably would have gone about it differentky) it might not have been

bundibird: wrangletangle: stevenrogered: Chris Evans helps Regina King up the stairs to the stage after her Oscars win Okay listen up, all...

Community, Drunk, and Dude: SOME DUDE WAS HANGING ALL OVER HER, SO WE TOOK OFF ■ ■ and got her to leave with us. She was drunk and we didn't trust him. KE Visit us at www.facebook.com/MakeYourMoveMissoula for tips and events to help keep your friends and community safe from sexual violence. END SEXUAL VIOLENCE A message from Missoula's Intervention in Action Project. This projoct was supported by grant no. 2008 WR-AX-0008 awarded by the Office of Violence Against Women, U.S Department of Justico. The opinions recommendations esprossed n this pablication aro those of the authonist and do not neccssarily represent the views of the granto ICOULD TELL SHE WAS ASKING to stop. So l stepped in and told my buddy that was no way to treat a lady. And he backed off. Visit us at www.facebook.com/Make YourMoveMissoula for tips and events to help keep your friends and community safe from sexual violence. END SEXUAL VIOLENCE A message from Missoula's Intervention in Action Projec This project was supported by grant no. 2008 w R АХО008 awarded by the Office of Volence Against women US Department of Jusace. The opinions, findings con recommendations espressed in this publication are those of the authorls) and do not necessarily represent the views of the grantor HE WAS ACTING ALL SWEET, OFFERING HER A but it just didn't feel right. So my friends and I stepped in and got her out of the bar. MAKE Visit us at www.facebook.com/Make YourMoveMissoula for tips and events to help keep your friends and community safe from sexual violence END SEXUAL VIOLENCE A message from Missoula's Intervention in Action Project This project was supported by grant no. 2008-WR-AX-0008 awarde recommandations opres SHE WAS ON HER OWN, SO I MADE MY MOVE ■ ■ ■ and told the guys hassling her to back off. They were really crossing the line. MAKE YOUR Visit us at www.facebook.com/Make YourMoveMissoula for tips and events to help keep your friends and community safe from sexual violence. END SEXUAL VIOLENCE A message from Missoula's Intervention in Action Project. et was suppo ted by grant no 2008 wRA·0008 warded bytie olice et ve ence Against wor enu s Depa tn eat oDist ca nt ope ins findings arch sions and racana mendah) ns 0prossad įa1hs publication are those of the authors) and d. not necessarily represent the views of the ฮ,antor This P atleastiamme: ethiopienne: Make Your Move is an effort from Missoula’s Intervention in Action Project, a group of community organizations dedicated to ending sexual violence. Its campaign’s goals are to: 1) Engage men and women as allies to prevent sexual violence by increasing awareness and education about the dynamics of sexual violence and 2) Encourage bystanders to foster healthy non-violent relationships and interrupt attitudes, language and actions that support sexual violence. Reblogging this so hard
Community, Drunk, and Dude: SOME
 DUDE WAS
 HANGING
 ALL OVER
 HER, SO
 WE TOOK
 OFF
 ■ ■ and got her to leave with us.
 She was drunk and we didn't
 trust him.
 KE
 Visit us at www.facebook.com/MakeYourMoveMissoula
 for tips and events to help keep your friends and community
 safe from sexual violence. END SEXUAL VIOLENCE
 A message from Missoula's Intervention in Action Project.
 This projoct was supported by grant no. 2008 WR-AX-0008 awarded by the Office of Violence Against Women, U.S Department of
 Justico. The opinions
 recommendations esprossed n this pablication aro those of the authonist and do not neccssarily represent the views of the granto

 ICOULD
 TELL
 SHE WAS
 ASKING
 to stop. So l stepped in and told
 my buddy that was no way to
 treat a lady. And he backed off.
 Visit us at www.facebook.com/Make YourMoveMissoula
 for tips and events to help keep your friends and community
 safe from sexual violence.
 END SEXUAL VIOLENCE
 A message from Missoula's Intervention in Action Projec
 This project was supported by grant no. 2008 w R АХО008 awarded by the Office of Volence Against women US Department of Jusace. The opinions, findings con
 recommendations espressed in this publication are those of the authorls) and do not necessarily represent the views of the grantor

 HE WAS
 ACTING
 ALL SWEET,
 OFFERING
 HER A
 but it just didn't feel right.
 So my friends and I stepped in
 and got her out of the bar.
 MAKE
 Visit us at www.facebook.com/Make YourMoveMissoula
 for tips and events to help keep your friends and community
 safe from sexual violence END SEXUAL VIOLENCE
 A message from Missoula's Intervention in Action Project
 This project was supported by grant no. 2008-WR-AX-0008 awarde
 recommandations opres

 SHE WAS
 ON HER
 OWN, SO
 I MADE MY
 MOVE
 ■ ■ ■ and told the guys hassling her
 to back off. They were really
 crossing the line.
 MAKE
 YOUR
 Visit us at www.facebook.com/Make YourMoveMissoula
 for tips and events to help keep your friends and community
 safe from sexual violence. END SEXUAL VIOLENCE
 A message from Missoula's Intervention in Action Project.
 et was suppo ted by grant no 2008 wRA·0008 warded bytie olice et ve ence Against wor enu s Depa tn eat oDist ca nt ope ins findings arch sions and
 racana mendah) ns 0prossad įa1hs publication are those of the authors) and d. not necessarily represent the views of the ฮ,antor
 This P
atleastiamme:
ethiopienne:

Make Your Move is an effort from Missoula’s Intervention in Action Project, a group of community organizations dedicated to ending sexual violence. Its campaign’s goals are to: 1) Engage men and women as allies to prevent sexual violence by increasing awareness and education about the dynamics of sexual violence and 2) Encourage bystanders to foster healthy non-violent relationships and interrupt attitudes, language and actions that support sexual violence.

Reblogging this so hard

atleastiamme: ethiopienne: Make Your Move is an effort from Missoula’s Intervention in Action Project, a group of community organizations d...

Bad, Beautiful, and Fucking: Take the breadsticks Young Man and run Man young [door man hand hook said car gun deceit-the-snakey-snake: plaid-n-converse: cherrysconeslut: pawsofponies: garecc: inthishousewekinkshamefnaf: inthishousewekinkshamefnaf: buggykin: inthishousewekinkshamefnaf: inthishousewekinkshamefnaf: biggest-goofiest-fish: desertdaylight: kait-the-kitty: chiribomb: politicalcompassmemes: your-uncle-dave: maps-and-elvis-and-zelda-n-shit: japhers: jewishzevran: animatedamerican: pagesofkenna: mommacomms: fidefortitude: bl00dlikeice: elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: plaid-n-converse: memeception WE’VE HIT TERMINAL MEME @caesarianconfection I’ve said “I hate this” so many times on this website, and never actually meant it, because “I hate this” is just shorthand for ‘this is an example of a meme given a twist I wasn’t expecting with intent to surprise’. Which is, in of itself, a meme on this site. God damn it. But this… This is something else. The rapidity of a meme’s introduction to its zenith to its decline is so rapid that in ten years, you’ll need a damn twenty-page manual to explain this. It’ll be as unfunny and hard to explain as jokes in Shakespeare plays, except even more inexplicable because fuck, at least Shakespeare’s jokes are usually about anal or fucking your mother, good wholesome sex jokes we can all get behind. For the love of fuck, how do you explain loss.jpg? How do you explain gun? ….I THOUGHT THIS WAS A YMCA REFERENCE it is a YMCA reference - that’s one of the 6 memes being represented here ok let me see if i can break this down easily. YMCA is the easiest place to start - the song itself has become a meme over time with people changing the lyrics to reference other pop cultural events. so YMCA is meme one (1) this first lyric replacement (”take the breadsticks and run”) is a reference to the tumblr meme ‘stuffing breadsticks into my purse’. i think everyone remembers that one so i wont bother to explain it. that’s meme two (2) “man door hand hook car door” is a meme of its own, a creepypasta from i dont remember when. it was a terrible stupid retelling of the generic ‘stuck in a car while hook handed man tries to kill us’ story so the stupid title caught on for memorability. that in and of itself is meme three (3) ‘gun’ is… yeah i dont know how to explain gun. long story short you add gun to the end of a phrase instead of what you expect the last word to be. its shock funny. its everywhere but its popular to add to “man door hand hook car door” for.. some reason? gun is meme four (4) and the thing is, this four meme combo is something thats gone around before. meme combos are, itself, a meme. which means taking this meme combo and mixing in another meme actually becomes meme five (5) which leaves us at loss.jpg. loss.jpg was a terrible bad comic supposed to be about some tragic event, but it was presented so poorly literally no one takes it seriously, and for some reason recreating the four-panel setup has become popular. so thats meme six (6) (but i need to add that this is the greatest version of loss.jpg i think i’ve ever seen. the initial ‘young man’ lines up with the guy bursting through the door, and the shock meme ‘gun’ matches the shock scene of the woman in the hospital and idk if OP even thought about that but it makes this just so much better) I wasn’t going to reblog this, but @pagesofkenna‘s comprehensive meme-by-meme annotation is a thing of beauty and should be shared. average tumblr post contains one meme, this post, which contains six, is an outlier and should not be counted it might also just be a coincidence due to loss.jpg’s format but the whole white minimalist four-panel setup is also suspiciously reminiscent of those early 2000’s rage comics I was getting a political compass vibe too tag urself im man door hand hook car gun This works better than I thought it would. This was in my senior project I’m not sorry. EIGHT MEME COMBO FATALITY We have officially created a new language  I just had to do it to em THIS FUCKING THREAD I’M GONNA CRY I LOST IT AND MAN DOOR HAND HOOK CAR GUN AND DIDN’T EXPECT MORE I’M SOBBING M E M E T E N OwO? W o w You know I had to I hope you know this is the most cursed addition to my post, and I love it THIRTEEN!? MEME COUNT:1 - YMCA (@plaid-n-converse, pointed out by @pagesofkenna)2 - breadsticks (see above)3 - man door hand hook car door (see above)4 - gun (see above)5 - meme combo (see above)6 - loss (see above)7 - 2000s comics vibes (@plaid-n-converse, as pointed out by @japhers)8 - political compass (@plaid-n-converse, as pointed out by @maps-and-elvis-and-zelda-n-shit, then highlighted by @politicalcompassmemes)9 - tag yourself (user was @your-uncle-dave but now appears to be deactivated)10 - i hate this (kind of barely used by @fidefortitude so idk if it really counts)11 - nickelback/look at this photograph (@inthishousewekinkshamefnaf)12 - had to do it to them (see above)13 - distracted boyfriend (see above)14 - is this a pigeon (see above)15 - oh, this is beautiful (@garecc)16 - expanding brain (@cherrysconeslut)17 - cursed (can be argues as a meme due to its excessive use and popularity, as well as the sort of subtext/emotion behind it that accompanies most memes on this site) (@plaid-n-converse)18 - weve created a new language (@inthishousewekinkshamefnaf)19 - owo (see above)20 - most ___ addition to a post (@plaid-n-converse)21 - it could be argued that meme analysis in itself is a memeFeel free to debate any of these or add any Ive missed, but I think I got them all??
Bad, Beautiful, and Fucking: Take
 the
 breadsticks
 Young
 Man
 and
 run
 Man
 young [door
 man hand
 hook
 said
 car
 gun
deceit-the-snakey-snake:
plaid-n-converse:

cherrysconeslut:


pawsofponies:


garecc:

inthishousewekinkshamefnaf:


inthishousewekinkshamefnaf:

buggykin:

inthishousewekinkshamefnaf:


inthishousewekinkshamefnaf:

biggest-goofiest-fish:

desertdaylight:


kait-the-kitty:

chiribomb:

politicalcompassmemes:

your-uncle-dave:

maps-and-elvis-and-zelda-n-shit:

japhers:

jewishzevran:

animatedamerican:

pagesofkenna:

mommacomms:

fidefortitude:

bl00dlikeice:

elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

plaid-n-converse:

memeception

WE’VE HIT TERMINAL MEME

@caesarianconfection

I’ve said “I hate this” so many times on this website, and never actually meant it, because “I hate this” is just shorthand for ‘this is an example of a meme given a twist I wasn’t expecting with intent to surprise’. Which is, in of itself, a meme on this site. God damn it.
But this… This is something else.
The rapidity of a meme’s introduction to its zenith to its decline is so rapid that in ten years, you’ll need a damn twenty-page manual to explain this. It’ll be as unfunny and hard to explain as jokes in Shakespeare plays, except even more inexplicable because fuck, at least Shakespeare’s jokes are usually about anal or fucking your mother, good wholesome sex jokes we can all get behind.
For the love of fuck, how do you explain loss.jpg? How do you explain gun?

….I THOUGHT THIS WAS A YMCA REFERENCE

it is a YMCA reference - that’s one of the 6 memes being represented here
ok let me see if i can break this down easily. YMCA is the easiest place to start - the song itself has become a meme over time with people changing the lyrics to reference other pop cultural events. so YMCA is meme one (1)
this first lyric replacement (”take the breadsticks and run”) is a reference to the tumblr meme ‘stuffing breadsticks into my purse’. i think everyone remembers that one so i wont bother to explain it. that’s meme two (2)
“man door hand hook car door” is a meme of its own, a creepypasta from i dont remember when. it was a terrible stupid retelling of the generic ‘stuck in a car while hook handed man tries to kill us’ story so the stupid title caught on for memorability. that in and of itself is meme three (3)
‘gun’ is… yeah i dont know how to explain gun. long story short you add gun to the end of a phrase instead of what you expect the last word to be. its shock funny. its everywhere but its popular to add to “man door hand hook car door” for.. some reason? gun is meme four (4)
and the thing is, this four meme combo is something thats gone around before. meme combos are, itself, a meme. which means taking this meme combo and mixing in another meme actually becomes meme five (5)
which leaves us at loss.jpg. loss.jpg was a terrible bad comic supposed to be about some tragic event, but it was presented so poorly literally no one takes it seriously, and for some reason recreating the four-panel setup has become popular. so thats meme six (6)
(but i need to add that this is the greatest version of loss.jpg i think i’ve ever seen. the initial ‘young man’ lines up with the guy bursting through the door, and the shock meme ‘gun’ matches the shock scene of the woman in the hospital and idk if OP even thought about that but it makes this just so much better)

I wasn’t going to reblog this, but @pagesofkenna‘s comprehensive meme-by-meme annotation is a thing of beauty and should be shared.

average tumblr post contains one meme, this post, which contains six, is an outlier and should not be counted

it might also just be a coincidence due to loss.jpg’s format but the whole white minimalist four-panel setup is also suspiciously reminiscent of those early 2000’s rage comics

I was getting a political compass vibe too

tag urself im man door hand hook car gun


This works better than I thought it would. 


This was in my senior project 

I’m not sorry.

EIGHT MEME COMBO


FATALITY

We have officially created a new language 

I just had to do it to em


THIS FUCKING THREAD I’M GONNA CRY
I LOST IT AND MAN DOOR HAND HOOK CAR GUN AND DIDN’T EXPECT MORE I’M SOBBING

M E M E T E N

OwO?




W o w


You know I had to 


I hope you know this is the most cursed addition to my post, and I love it


THIRTEEN!?


MEME COUNT:1 - YMCA (@plaid-n-converse, pointed out by @pagesofkenna)2 - breadsticks (see above)3 - man door hand hook car door (see above)4 - gun (see above)5 - meme combo (see above)6 - loss (see above)7 - 2000s comics vibes (@plaid-n-converse, as pointed out by @japhers)8 - political compass (@plaid-n-converse, as pointed out by @maps-and-elvis-and-zelda-n-shit, then highlighted by @politicalcompassmemes)9 - tag yourself (user was @your-uncle-dave but now appears to be deactivated)10 - i hate this (kind of barely used by @fidefortitude so idk if it really counts)11 - nickelback/look at this photograph (@inthishousewekinkshamefnaf)12 - had to do it to them (see above)13 - distracted boyfriend (see above)14 - is this a pigeon (see above)15 - oh, this is beautiful (@garecc)16 - expanding brain (@cherrysconeslut)17 - cursed (can be argues as a meme due to its excessive use and popularity, as well as the sort of subtext/emotion behind it that accompanies most memes on this site) (@plaid-n-converse)18 - weve created a new language (@inthishousewekinkshamefnaf)19 - owo (see above)20 - most ___ addition to a post (@plaid-n-converse)21 - it could be argued that meme analysis in itself is a memeFeel free to debate any of these or add any Ive missed, but I think I got them all??

deceit-the-snakey-snake: plaid-n-converse: cherrysconeslut: pawsofponies: garecc: inthishousewekinkshamefnaf: inthishousewekinkshame...

Clothes, cnn.com, and Dumb: The Independent @Independent Here's what you should do in the event of a nuclear attack ind.pn/ 2piOhjW 8/9/17, 3:19 PM NBC News @NBCNews NBC NEWS "Don't run. Get inside". What experts say to do in case of a nuclear attack nbcnews.to/2VNWTmt 8/9/17, 9:30 AM CN CNN @CNN Hawaii is preparing in case of a North Korea attack. Experts say you have about 15 min. to take cover after a launch cnn.it/2upXdZ9 biggest-goldiest-spoon: zoanzon: missmwynter: madlyinlov3onda: oakenroots: oakenroots: quietrain: shesheistyy: tripprophet: weavemama: ladies and gentlemen we have officially reached the “in case a nuclear attack happens” phase……. [x] This shit is wild. Wtf a table finna do for anybody?? There’s basically nothing you can do but die they’re doing this to give people a sense of safety , even though we full well know this won’t work at all. ALRIGHT KIDDOS LISTEN UP! I did emergency management for the air force which involves this fun thing called Plume Modelling (aka chart the path of death for a given bomb based on its payload, distance, type of detonation, etc) and let me tell you some actual LEGIT™ methods of minimizing damage to your life. Unless you are within the vaporization zone (where you turn into a fucking shadow because of your proximity to the blast) there is a specific order of events nuke blasts cause and there are ways to protect against these things. 1. There is this thing called a flash to bang ratio. It is really freaking important. The first wave from a nuke is a blinding flash of light that can literally FRY YOUR RETINAS. If you believe that a nuke has just dropped on your city, HIDE AND DONT LOOK AT IT. @shesheistyy a good solid table is good for this but you’re way less likely to go blind if you get to an internal room with no windows, especially one below ground. 2. After the flash there will be the bang. If the time between the flash and the bang, counted in Mississippi seconds, is more than 10 seconds you MIGHT survive and just die of cancer later. If it’s between five and 10 buckle up kiddos because the worst is yet to come. And well if it’s less than 3 you won’t live long enough to remember this. These are loose estimates only. 3. The “bang” usually announces the arrival of the fire ball. Yes. A massive heat shock will erupt from the core of the bomb and light pretty much every thing it comes into contact with, including your flesh, on fire. Back to that whole “metal buildings underground” thing. There’s really no getting around the whole getting lit on fire if you’re too close thing. 4. Fallout. When the bomb goes off it sucks all of the shit it just vaporized up into the air with it and as the blast cools, it begins to rain down the radioactive fucked molten wreckage onto everyone in a huge radius. Just because the fallout you can see has stopped doesn’t mean the molecular radiation has stopped. The survival factors for nuclear blasts are time, distance and shielding. The longer it takes for it to get to you the less of it there is. The further away from the source the less dead you are. Want to survive? Put 6 feet of concrete and/or 2 feet of lead between you and everything else. Yes. Those loons with their bunkers actually got something right. NOW! About radiation! If you are so fortunate as to survive one of these blasts and not be vaporized or burnt to a crisp or die of radiation poisoning within hours, you need to understand the types of radiation. Gamma radiation is the most “severe” in that it can penetrate your flesh through your clothes and house, causing severe illness. Gamma radiation fucks with your cell walls and disrupts your DNA. It kills you in hours, months or years. Some people survive decades. Think of gamma like the sun. Too much exposure gives you cancer. Now Beta, on the other hand, think of Beta particles like sand on the beach. Its in the air. Its in your clothes, in the creases of your fingers. But beta particles can burn through your flesh or get into your blood stream through open wounds. Luckily they can be stopped with nonporous materials, like rubber, or foil. Make that two points for the loony conspiracy theorists. Aluminum foil does protect from beta radiation. And finally, Alpha radiation. Think of alpha Radiation like dust motes. It takes a high density filter to prevent you from breathing them in and if you’re surrounded by rubble they’re probably everywhere. Alpha particles do the same thing as beta particles in terms of getting into your system and wrecking your shit. So! Survival? Most likely based on dumb luck. But! If you think you’re being nuked 1. get under ground or at least to an internal room of the building if no other options are available. 2. CLOSE YOUR EYES. Curl into the fetal position to protect your orifices and vital organs from gamma radiation and get low to the ground to reduce damage from the blast and potential ceiling collapse. 3.You will still feel the flash pass over you. Count. One, two, three… If you aren’t vaporized yet keep counting. Pray to every god ever imagined that you get to 10 before you hear the bang. 4. Bang. Try not to shit yourself. The fireball will follow almost instantly if you’re in range. Be prepared to start rolling to put yourself out. 5. Fallout rains down. Do not open your eyes. Do not stop praying. As hard as it is because time will feel as if it has slowed to a crawl, try not to leave your position for at least 30 minutes, although 60 minutes is better. At 30 minutes, only 60% of the potential fall out has fallen but by 60 minutes, up to 90% may have come down. 6. Remember, Alpha and beta radiation are particles. Do not put anything in your body that has not been thoroughly washed, dusted of or came from a sealed package. Point 3 for the conspiracy theorists, hot pockets and canned food are probably still safe. Do not leave shelter without goggles, and try to wrap yourself in a minimum of those weird space blankets but rubber and metal lined suits (like hazmat suits) are best for the job. Good luck in the future apocalypse! Reblogged with improved readability! Look whats Relevant again… I wonder if there’s any where to watch White Light, Black Rain. Saw it back in highschool. History repeats and all that jazz. After all, It’s not like ‘duck and cover’ and other nuclear protection methods of dubious quality weren’t a mainstream in the Cold War or anything… We’ve been here before. It’s just the first time around for us younger crowd. Stay safe.
Clothes, cnn.com, and Dumb: The Independent
 @Independent
 Here's what you should do in the
 event of a nuclear attack ind.pn/
 2piOhjW
 8/9/17, 3:19 PM

 NBC News
 @NBCNews
 NBC NEWS
 "Don't run. Get inside". What experts
 say to do in case of a nuclear attack
 nbcnews.to/2VNWTmt
 8/9/17, 9:30 AM

 CN
 CNN
 @CNN
 Hawaii is preparing in case of a North
 Korea attack. Experts say you have
 about 15 min. to take cover after a
 launch cnn.it/2upXdZ9
biggest-goldiest-spoon:

zoanzon:

missmwynter:

madlyinlov3onda:

oakenroots:

oakenroots:


quietrain:

shesheistyy:

tripprophet:


weavemama:

ladies and gentlemen we have officially reached the “in case a nuclear attack happens” phase……. [x]

This shit is wild.


Wtf a table finna do for anybody?? There’s basically nothing you can do but die

they’re doing this to give people a sense of safety , even though we full well know this won’t work at all.

ALRIGHT KIDDOS LISTEN UP! I did emergency management for the air force which involves this fun thing called Plume Modelling (aka chart the path of death for a given bomb based on its payload, distance, type of detonation, etc) and let me tell you some actual LEGIT™ methods of minimizing damage to your life. 
Unless you are within the vaporization zone (where you turn into a fucking shadow because of your proximity to the blast) there is a specific order of events nuke blasts cause and there are ways to protect against these things.

1. There is this thing called a flash to bang ratio. It is really freaking important. The first wave from a nuke is a blinding flash of light that can literally FRY YOUR RETINAS. If you believe that a nuke has just dropped on your city, HIDE AND DONT LOOK AT IT. @shesheistyy a good solid table is good for this but you’re way less likely to go blind if you get to an internal room with no windows, especially one below ground. 
2. After the flash there will be the bang. If the time between the flash and the bang, counted in Mississippi seconds, is more than 10 seconds you MIGHT survive and just die of cancer later. If it’s between five and 10 buckle up kiddos because the worst is yet to come. And well if it’s less than 3 you won’t live long enough to remember this. These are loose estimates only. 
3. The “bang” usually announces the arrival of the fire ball. Yes. A massive heat shock will erupt from the core of the bomb and light pretty much every thing it comes into contact with, including your flesh, on fire. Back to that whole “metal buildings underground” thing. There’s really no getting around the whole getting lit on fire if you’re too close thing. 
4. Fallout. When the bomb goes off it sucks all of the shit it just vaporized up into the air with it and as the blast cools, it begins to rain down the radioactive fucked molten wreckage onto everyone in a huge radius. Just because the fallout you can see has stopped doesn’t mean the molecular radiation has stopped. 

The survival factors for nuclear blasts are time, distance and shielding. The longer it takes for it to get to you the less of it there is. The further away from the source the less dead you are. Want to survive? Put 6 feet of concrete and/or 2 feet of lead between you and everything else. Yes. Those loons with their bunkers actually got something right. 

NOW! About radiation! If you are so fortunate as to survive one of these blasts and not be vaporized or burnt to a crisp or die of radiation poisoning within hours, you need to understand the types of radiation. 

Gamma radiation is the most “severe” in that it can penetrate your flesh through your clothes and house, causing severe illness. Gamma radiation fucks with your cell walls and disrupts your DNA. It kills you in hours, months or years. Some people survive decades. Think of gamma like the sun. Too much exposure gives you cancer. 

Now Beta, on the other hand, think of Beta particles like sand on the beach. Its in the air. Its in your clothes, in the creases of your fingers. But beta particles can burn through your flesh or get into your blood stream through open wounds. Luckily they can be stopped with nonporous materials, like rubber, or foil. Make that two points for the loony conspiracy theorists. Aluminum foil does protect from beta radiation. 

And finally, Alpha radiation. Think of alpha Radiation like dust motes. It takes a high density filter to prevent you from breathing them in and if you’re surrounded by rubble they’re probably everywhere. Alpha particles do the same thing as beta particles in terms of getting into your system and wrecking your shit. 

So! Survival? Most likely based on dumb luck. But! If you think you’re being nuked
1. get under ground or at least to an internal room of the building if no other options are available. 
2. CLOSE YOUR EYES. Curl into the fetal position to protect your orifices and vital organs from gamma radiation and get low to the ground to reduce damage from the blast and potential ceiling collapse. 
3.You will still feel the flash pass over you. Count. One, two, three… If you aren’t vaporized yet keep counting. Pray to every god ever imagined that you get to 10 before you hear the bang. 
4. Bang. Try not to shit yourself. The fireball will follow almost instantly if you’re in range. Be prepared to start rolling to put yourself out. 
5. Fallout rains down. Do not open your eyes. Do not stop praying. As hard as it is because time will feel as if it has slowed to a crawl, try not to leave your position for at least 30 minutes, although 60 minutes is better. At 30 minutes, only 60% of the potential fall out has fallen but by 60 minutes, up to 90% may have come down. 
6. Remember, Alpha and beta radiation are particles. Do not put anything in your body that has not been thoroughly washed, dusted of or came from a sealed package. Point 3 for the conspiracy theorists, hot pockets and canned food are probably still safe. Do not leave shelter without goggles, and try to wrap yourself in a minimum of those weird space blankets but rubber and metal lined suits (like hazmat suits) are best for the job. 

Good luck in the future apocalypse!


Reblogged with improved readability!

Look whats Relevant again…


I wonder if there’s any where to watch White Light, Black Rain. Saw it back in highschool.

History repeats and all that jazz.
After all, It’s not like ‘duck and cover’ and other nuclear protection methods of dubious quality weren’t a mainstream in the Cold War or anything…
We’ve been here before.
It’s just the first time around for us younger crowd.


Stay safe.

biggest-goldiest-spoon: zoanzon: missmwynter: madlyinlov3onda: oakenroots: oakenroots: quietrain: shesheistyy: tripprophet: weave...

Apparently, Family, and Head: wwwoslightlywarped.com sixpenceee: The Witch of Joshua Ward House This Georgian and Federal style building was constructed by Joshua Ward, a wealthy merchant sea captain, in the late 1780s on the remaining foundations of former sheriff George Corwin’s house on Washington Street in Salem, Massachusetts. Corwin was a bloody figure whose zeal added to the unfortunate events surrounding Salem in the late 1600s. Nicknamed ‘The Strangler’ after his preferred torture (which included tying his prone victims’ necks to their ankles until the blood ran from their noses), he is said to have been responsible for many of the ‘witches’’ deaths, including that of Giles Corey who was crushed to death by placing heavy stones on his chest in order to extract a confession. Legend states that just before he died, Corey cursed the sheriff and all sheriffs that follow in his wake, for Corwin’s despicable acts. It should be noted here that every sheriff since Corey uttered his curse died while in office or had been “forced out of his post as the result of a heart or blood ailment.” Corwin himself died of a heart attack in 1696, only about four years after the end of the trials.  By the time of his death, Corwin was so despised that his family had to bury him in the cellar of their house to avoid desecration of the corpse by the public. In the early 1980s Carlson Realty bought the House with the intention of turning it into their headquarters. After moving in, a realtor by the name of Dale Lewinski began the task of taking photographs of the staff members to add to a welcome display.  Lewinski used a Polaroid camera to snap the head-and-shoulders, passport-style pictures. It was the photograph of a colleague by the name of Lorraine St. Peter that caused a stir. The Polaroid was developed and, instead of showing St. Peter, it appeared to depict a frightening image: a strange, black-haired, feminine figure. St. Peter was nowhere to be seen on the snap. The photograph has, apparently, not been cropped at all. St. Peter has been entirely replaced by the apparition. 
Apparently, Family, and Head: wwwoslightlywarped.com
sixpenceee:

The Witch of Joshua Ward House
This Georgian and Federal style building was constructed by Joshua Ward, a wealthy merchant sea captain, in the late 1780s on the remaining foundations of former sheriff George Corwin’s house on Washington Street in Salem, Massachusetts.
Corwin was a bloody figure whose zeal added to the unfortunate events surrounding Salem in the late 1600s. Nicknamed ‘The Strangler’ after his preferred torture (which included tying his prone victims’ necks to their ankles until the blood ran from their noses), he is said to have been responsible for many of the ‘witches’’ deaths, including that of Giles Corey who was crushed to death by placing heavy stones on his chest in order to extract a confession.
Legend states that just before he died, Corey cursed the sheriff and all sheriffs that follow in his wake, for Corwin’s despicable acts. It should be noted here that every sheriff since Corey uttered his curse died while in office or had been “forced out of his post as the result of a heart or blood ailment.” Corwin himself died of a heart attack in 1696, only about four years after the end of the trials.
 By the time of his death, Corwin was so despised that his family had to bury him in the cellar of their house to avoid desecration of the corpse by the public. In the early 1980s Carlson Realty bought the House with the intention of turning it into their headquarters. After moving in, a realtor by the name of Dale Lewinski began the task of taking photographs of the staff members to add to a welcome display.
 Lewinski used a Polaroid camera to snap the head-and-shoulders, passport-style pictures. It was the photograph of a colleague by the name of Lorraine St. Peter that caused a stir. The Polaroid was developed and, instead of showing St. Peter, it appeared to depict a frightening image: a strange, black-haired, feminine figure. St. Peter was nowhere to be seen on the snap. The photograph has, apparently, not been cropped at all. St. Peter has been entirely replaced by the apparition. 

sixpenceee: The Witch of Joshua Ward House This Georgian and Federal style building was constructed by Joshua Ward, a wealthy merchant sea ...

Bored, Facebook, and Fuck You: 88% 9:31 AM rainnecassidy If you're old enough to remember it, you just lost The Game. raggedyanndy proncus I have no idea what's going on here witchaj Back in the early aughts, when many mil- lenials were in high school, before Facebook and Youtube, The Game began. No one knows who started it, but the moment we learned we were playing it, we began to lose. The goal of The Game is to forget you are playing The Game for as long as possible. The rules The Game are as follows: Everyone is ays playing The Game all the time; at school, during breakfast, at night when you are asleep, etc. The Game never ends. The moment you remember that you are playing The Game, you lose and must immediately announce to those around you, "I just lost The Game!" thus making them remember they are also playing The Game and causing them to lose as well. Upon losing, you begin The Game again. Sometimes players could go weeks or months without losing, sometimes only minutes. At the height of The Game's popularity, it became common to see people at events such as Comic Con or midnight movie premieres, wearing t-shirts proclaiming You just lost The Game!" Once they were noticed, groans and shouts of "Fuck you!" could be heard for miles. These people rived on the chaos, taking great pleasure in the cries of their victims. Most people eventually grew bored of The Game, and many began to claim they won by choosing not to care about it anymore. Some rely on a particular XKCD comic strip or Tumblr post to lend a sense of legitimacy to their feeli of victory. They are fools. It is impossible to win The Game. There is only losing. Only a few diehards remain loyal to the rules. The drop in popularity has allowed many to keep m losing The Game for years at a time. The growth of social media has caused a minor resurgence, although without the satisfaction of real time auditory feedback when caus others to lose, The Game will likely fade back into obscurity once again. Someday whern we are old and gray, our grandchildren will innocently ask us to play a game of checkers, and we will shriek and shout until the whole nursing home joins us in defeat. Death is the only release from The Game Source: rainnecassidy #101 #goshi remember this #but also Is this loss?
Bored, Facebook, and Fuck You: 88% 9:31 AM
 rainnecassidy
 If you're old enough to
 remember it, you just
 lost The Game.
 raggedyanndy
 proncus
 I have no idea what's going on here
 witchaj
 Back in the early aughts, when many mil-
 lenials were in high school, before Facebook
 and Youtube, The Game began. No one knows
 who started it, but the moment we learned
 we were playing it, we began to lose. The
 goal of The Game is to forget you are playing
 The Game for as long as possible. The rules
 The Game are as follows: Everyone is
 ays playing The Game all the time; at
 school, during breakfast, at night when you
 are asleep, etc. The Game never ends. The
 moment you remember that you are playing
 The Game, you lose and must immediately
 announce to those around you, "I just lost
 The Game!" thus making them remember
 they are also playing The Game and causing
 them to lose as well. Upon losing, you begin
 The Game again. Sometimes players could go
 weeks or months without losing, sometimes
 only minutes. At the height of The Game's
 popularity, it became common to see people
 at events such as Comic Con or midnight
 movie premieres, wearing t-shirts proclaiming
 You just lost The Game!" Once they were
 noticed, groans and shouts of "Fuck you!"
 could be heard for miles. These people
 rived on the chaos, taking great pleasure
 in the cries of their victims. Most people
 eventually grew bored of The Game, and
 many began to claim they won by choosing
 not to care about it anymore. Some rely on a
 particular XKCD comic strip or Tumblr post
 to lend a sense of legitimacy to their feeli
 of victory. They are fools. It is impossible to
 win The Game. There is only losing. Only a
 few diehards remain loyal to the rules. The
 drop in popularity has allowed many to keep
 m losing The Game for years at a time. The
 growth of social media has caused a minor
 resurgence, although without the satisfaction
 of real time auditory feedback when caus
 others to lose, The Game will likely fade back
 into obscurity once again. Someday whern
 we are old and gray, our grandchildren will
 innocently ask us to play a game of checkers,
 and we will shriek and shout until the whole
 nursing home joins us in defeat. Death is the
 only release from The Game
 Source: rainnecassidy #101
 #goshi remember this #but also
Is this loss?

Is this loss?

American, Giant, and Vietnam: The Wave as performed at American Sporting events, was actually invented by Bees
American, Giant, and Vietnam: The Wave as performed at American Sporting events, was actually invented by Bees

The Wave as performed at American Sporting events, was actually invented by Bees

Bill Clinton, Dude, and Fbi: Did Bill Clinton Fire His FBI Director One Day Before Vince Foster Died? Rating Mixture About this rating What's True President Clinton fired FBI Director William Sessions on 19 July 1993, one day before Deputy White House Counsel Vince Foster, a longtime associate of the Clintons, was found dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. What's False There is nothing inherently suspicious about the coincidental timing of Sessions's firing and Vince Foster's death (which was determined to be a suicide) sapphleaf: libertarirynn: sapphleaf: mccarthyites: eltigrechico: Gotta love Snopes! And here I was, an idiot, thinking this post was overly exaggerated for comedic effect Except what Snopes is actually saying is that, while the explicit claim that the death occurred the day after the firing, what’s false is the implied argument—and often explicitly asserted as well—that the two events have any relation.post hoc ergo propter hoc Except it still isn’t a “mixture” because the statement “Bill Clinton fired his FBI director the day before Vince Foster died“ is irrefutably correct. Yeah but it’s still right to point out that implied connection is not based in fact or logic.Yes, the statement at face value is literal truth, but critical thinking means evaluating the truth and validity of the actual argument. Dude are you being serious right now? As a fact checking site it’s not their job to evaluate what “implied connections“ they need to “correct“. The idea is state what’s true and what’s not. Stating that Bill Clinton fired his FBI director before Vince Foster died is not a “mixture“ of truth and falsehood. Period.
Bill Clinton, Dude, and Fbi: Did Bill Clinton Fire His FBI
 Director One Day Before Vince
 Foster Died?

 Rating
 Mixture
 About this rating
 What's True
 President Clinton fired FBI Director William Sessions on 19 July 1993, one day before Deputy White
 House Counsel Vince Foster, a longtime associate of the Clintons, was found dead of a self-inflicted
 gunshot wound.
 What's False
 There is nothing inherently suspicious about the coincidental timing of Sessions's firing and Vince
 Foster's death (which was determined to be a suicide)
sapphleaf:

libertarirynn:

sapphleaf:

mccarthyites:

eltigrechico:
Gotta love Snopes!
And here I was, an idiot, thinking this post was overly exaggerated for comedic effect


Except what Snopes is actually saying is that, while the explicit claim that the death occurred the day after the firing, what’s false is the implied argument—and often explicitly asserted as well—that the two events have any relation.post hoc ergo propter hoc

Except it still isn’t a “mixture” because the statement “Bill Clinton fired his FBI director the day before Vince Foster died“ is irrefutably correct.

Yeah but it’s still right to point out that implied connection is not based in fact or logic.Yes, the statement at face value is literal truth, but critical thinking means evaluating the truth and validity of the actual argument.

Dude are you being serious right now? As a fact checking site it’s not their job to evaluate what “implied connections“ they need to “correct“. The idea is state what’s true and what’s not. Stating that Bill Clinton fired his FBI director before Vince Foster died is not a “mixture“ of truth and falsehood. Period.

sapphleaf: libertarirynn: sapphleaf: mccarthyites: eltigrechico: Gotta love Snopes! And here I was, an idiot, thinking this post was ove...

Advice, Confused, and Disappointed: alexaloraetheris: Reasons I believe my friend is secretly some kind of deity 1) First time we spoke was a week after the beggining of freshman year she summed up my entire character and most of the events of my life Sherlock style. I asked her how the hell she knew all that. She just shrugged and said she figured out our entire class already 1 2) The one time we had religion class instead of ethics she listened to the teacher for a few minutes, laughed and told me "Humans have wished to be gods so much they've forgotten they have to ability to create them. Imagination has truly suffered from this monotheism stuff." I was confused and asked her if she was an atheist. She rolled her eyes and said Oh I believe in god alright. I just don't think the bastard deserves to be worshipped." 3) Out of nowhere she gave me this advice The only truth a liar ever told was that lies weren't going to save you. Don't become the liar who has to pass that wisdom on, because they speak from experience 4) To this day, she has one of those old-timey phones with buttons she only uses to ocassionally call someone. When I asked her why she never got a smartphone she got pouty: "I hate social media. On Facebook they talk a lot but never say anything. If I wanted to listen to people moan about their problems and ask for help they don't expect l'd listen to their prayers." (Notice the choice of words) 5) I noticed she was stiff and I offered her a massage since I'm really good at it but when i started kneading her back I swear to this day those were not muscles I felt. I asked her what she did to turn her muscles into rocks covered with a thin layer of skin and she kinda froze then shrugged and said she was just really, really stiff. My hands hurt after ten minutes when I can usually go for an hour. Next time I offered she seemed surprised and laughed. She still has rocks for muscles 6) We were having a debate over the way neural pathways are formed (I study biology and she forensics) and I jokingly asked if I could have her brain for study when she dies. She laughed Sure, if you find a way to kill me you can have it. I'm actually curious what you're gonna find." 7) One time she was tired and miserable and I tried to comfort her. We both have really dark sense of humor so I told her she could scare the dead out of their graves with that glare. She told me the dead can't come back and I rolled my eyes and said 'obviously' but she continued When you die you descend to the underworld with nothing to lose. To keep you, they give you something to lose. When you want to return, they will demand it back. That's why nobody ever leaves. The only way out is to never enter." 8) One day she just came up to me with a disappointed look on her face When I asked her what was wrong she was quiet for a few seconds and then just told me "Betrayals committed in good intentions are still damning. Just... keep that in mind." Then she left and didn't speak to me for three days. I still don't know what she meant but even three years later I haven't forgotten it. 9) We were casually sitting on a bench when, out of nowhere, she asked me Is it just me or have humans gotten dumber? Or have they always been this stupid and I just haven't been paying attention?" 10) She asked me if I ever wondered what it was like to die. I said no but told her I would tell her when I found out. I meant it as a ghost joke but she smiled at me and said Great. I'll wait for you to come back. Maybe you'll even remember me In conclusion, she is some kind of low-key god and she lost her faith in humanity even before we lost our faith in her but she's stuck with us because immortality is a bitclh P.S. I just remembered her name is a variation on 'Eve'. Maybe l should reconsider my atheist status?! What if God was one of us?
Advice, Confused, and Disappointed: alexaloraetheris:
 Reasons I believe my friend is secretly some kind of deity
 1) First time we spoke was a week after the beggining of freshman year she
 summed up my entire character and most of the events of my life Sherlock
 style. I asked her how the hell she knew all that. She just shrugged and said
 she figured out our entire class already
 1
 2) The one time we had religion class instead of ethics she listened to the
 teacher for a few minutes, laughed and told me
 "Humans have wished to be gods so much they've forgotten they have to
 ability to create them. Imagination has truly suffered from this monotheism
 stuff."
 I was confused and asked her if she was an atheist. She rolled her eyes and
 said
 Oh I believe in god alright. I just don't think the bastard deserves to be
 worshipped."
 3) Out of nowhere she gave me this advice
 The only truth a liar ever told was that lies weren't going to save you. Don't
 become the liar who has to pass that wisdom on, because they speak from
 experience
 4) To this day, she has one of those old-timey phones with buttons she only
 uses to ocassionally call someone. When I asked her why she never got a
 smartphone she got pouty:
 "I hate social media. On Facebook they talk a lot but never say anything. If I
 wanted to listen to people moan about their problems and ask for help they
 don't expect l'd listen to their prayers." (Notice the choice of words)
 5) I noticed she was stiff and I offered her a massage since I'm really good at
 it but when i started kneading her back I swear to this day those were not
 muscles I felt. I asked her what she did to turn her muscles into rocks
 covered with a thin layer of skin and she kinda froze then shrugged and said
 she was just really, really stiff. My hands hurt after ten minutes when I can
 usually go for an hour. Next time I offered she seemed surprised and
 laughed. She still has rocks for muscles
 6) We were having a debate over the way neural pathways are formed (I
 study biology and she forensics) and I jokingly asked if I could have her brain
 for study when she dies. She laughed
 Sure, if you find a way to kill me you can have it. I'm actually curious what
 you're gonna find."
 7) One time she was tired and miserable and I tried to comfort her. We both
 have really dark sense of humor so I told her she could scare the dead out of
 their graves with that glare. She told me the dead can't come back and I
 rolled my eyes and said 'obviously' but she continued
 When you die you descend to the underworld with nothing to lose. To keep
 you, they give you something to lose. When you want to return, they will
 demand it back. That's why nobody ever leaves. The only way out is to never
 enter."
 8) One day she just came up to me with a disappointed look on her face
 When I asked her what was wrong she was quiet for a few seconds and then
 just told me
 "Betrayals committed in good intentions are still damning. Just... keep that in
 mind." Then she left and didn't speak to me for three days. I still don't know
 what she meant but even three years later I haven't forgotten it.
 9) We were casually sitting on a bench when, out of nowhere, she asked me
 Is it just me or have humans gotten dumber? Or have they always been this
 stupid and I just haven't been paying attention?"
 10) She asked me if I ever wondered what it was like to die. I said no but told
 her I would tell her when I found out. I meant it as a ghost joke but she smiled
 at me and said
 Great. I'll wait for you to come back. Maybe you'll even remember me
 In conclusion, she is some kind of low-key god and she lost her faith in
 humanity even before we lost our faith in her but she's stuck with us because
 immortality is a bitclh
 P.S. I just remembered her name is a variation on 'Eve'. Maybe l should
 reconsider my atheist status?!
What if God was one of us?

What if God was one of us?