evi


                    
                    
                

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evi: snakegay why does so much post apocalypse media have people wearing straight up bdsm/fetish gear like. do the kinksters watch the world ending and think oh boy i can wear my bondage gear in public now" skelefolk thats actually exactly what happens broliloquy What I wanna know is why the spiky kink warriors are always the bad evi marauders. They might be into some weird shit and unafraid to show it but that doesn't mean they want to go around killing dudes. They're a tight-knit bunch. A lot of them are queer. They understand the importance of community If the government collapses and all laws come to an end, the people rampaging around killing and looting are gonna be like, frat boys and 4chan rejects. You can mistrust the bondage raiders all you like but they're definitely the ones you're going to run to for help when the neoliberal blood cultists and Nazi meme demons lay siege to your survivor enclave. There's gonna be gayboy berserkers busting up slaver gangs and burning down warboy frat houses. The assless-chaps leather daddies and weird petplay people are gonna be the accidental peacekeepers of the post-apocalyptic world just because they're the only motherfuckers who understand the importance of consent anymore Listen. Don't come to me asking how to get the secret cadre of bisexual death commandoes to protect your wretched tent village if you're scared that we might call in the kinksters for backup. I don't give a shit if they dress up like dogs and spend all day writing poems about butt plugs. There's assholes out there acting like Viad the Impaler on a meth bender and you're afraid of seeing a nipple. Fuck you. If you really want to get rid of the MRA death gangs you're going to have to accept that a lesbian chainsaw dominatrix or two might be invoived. its the tucking post-apocalypse my guy we gotta weigh our priorities here Source snakegay BDSMageddon
evi: snakegay
 why does so much post apocalypse media have people wearing straight up
 bdsm/fetish gear like. do the kinksters watch the world ending and think oh
 boy i can wear my bondage gear in public now"
 skelefolk
 thats actually exactly what happens
 broliloquy
 What I wanna know is why the spiky kink warriors are always the bad evi
 marauders. They might be into some weird shit and unafraid to show it but that
 doesn't mean they want to go around killing dudes. They're a tight-knit bunch.
 A lot of them are queer. They understand the importance of community
 If the government collapses and all laws come to an end, the people
 rampaging around killing and looting are gonna be like, frat boys and 4chan
 rejects. You can mistrust the bondage raiders all you like but they're definitely
 the ones you're going to run to for help when the neoliberal blood cultists and
 Nazi meme demons lay siege to your survivor enclave. There's gonna be
 gayboy berserkers busting up slaver gangs and burning down warboy frat
 houses. The assless-chaps leather daddies and weird petplay people are
 gonna be the accidental peacekeepers of the post-apocalyptic world just
 because they're the only motherfuckers who understand the importance of
 consent anymore
 Listen. Don't come to me asking how to get the secret cadre of bisexual death
 commandoes to protect your wretched tent village if you're scared that we
 might call in the kinksters for backup. I don't give a shit if they dress up like
 dogs and spend all day writing poems about butt plugs. There's assholes out
 there acting like Viad the Impaler on a meth bender and you're afraid of seeing
 a nipple. Fuck you. If you really want to get rid of the MRA death gangs you're
 going to have to accept that a lesbian chainsaw dominatrix or two might be
 invoived. its the tucking post-apocalypse my guy we gotta weigh our priorities
 here
 Source snakegay
BDSMageddon

BDSMageddon

evi: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product for the sake of making your own job easier? This worker just removed 47.64% of the material from the object he was assigned to transport! If one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster, too. And probably get fired for it. If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere, but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate- rial. And it would require less work to carve. While we're on the subject, though, how quickly did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there. If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube, then the worker has already failed. If the goal was to deliver as much of the material as quickly as possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the cube [removing only 17.16%). An octagonal prism rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted. Don't Work Hard. Work Intelligent. But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at their destination, they may be required to stack the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent worker has delivered an object that won't stack. Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo! Oh, and it should read: "Work Intelligently." laughoutloud-club: Wait A Second, Just Think About It
evi: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%). An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read: "Work Intelligently."
laughoutloud-club:

Wait A Second, Just Think About It

laughoutloud-club: Wait A Second, Just Think About It

evi: TRENITALIA DIZIBOX DIZIBOX 2 issy-og-evi: WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE ME BELIEVE IN LOVE AGAIN?? HOW DARE YOU
evi: TRENITALIA

 DIZIBOX

 DIZIBOX
 2
issy-og-evi:

WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE ME BELIEVE IN LOVE AGAIN?? HOW DARE YOU

issy-og-evi: WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE ME BELIEVE IN LOVE AGAIN?? HOW DARE YOU

evi: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product for the sake of making your own job easier? This worker just removed 47.64% of the material from the object he was assigned to transport! If one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster, too. And probably get fired for it. If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere, but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate- rial. And it would require less work to carve. While we're on the subject, though, how quickly did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there. If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube, then the worker has already failed. If the goal was to deliver as much of the material as quickly as possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the cube [removing only 17.16%]. An octagonal prism rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted. Don't Work Hard. Work Intelligent. But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at their destination, they may be required to stack the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent worker has delivered an object that won't stack. Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo! Oh, and it should read:"work intelligently." meirl by Alarid FOLLOW HERE 4 MORE MEMES.
evi: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%]. An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read:"work intelligently."
meirl by Alarid
FOLLOW HERE 4 MORE MEMES.

meirl by Alarid FOLLOW HERE 4 MORE MEMES.

evi: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product for the sake of making your own job easier? This worker just removed 47.64% of the material from the object he was assigned to transport! If one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster, too. And probably get fired for it. If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere, but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate- rial. And it would require less work to carve. While we're on the subject, though, how quickly did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there. If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube, then the worker has already failed. If the goal was to deliver as much of the material as quickly as possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the cube [removing only 17.16%]. An octagonal prism rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted. Don't Work Hard. Work Intelligent. But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at their destination, they may be required to stack the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent worker has delivered an object that won't stack. Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo! Oh, and it should read:"work intelligently." meirl
evi: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%]. An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read:"work intelligently."
meirl

meirl

evi: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product for the sake of making your own job easier? This worker just removed 47.64% of the material from the object he was assigned to transport! If one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster, too. And probably get fired for it. If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere, but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate- rial. And it would require less work to carve. While we're on the subject, though, how quickly did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there. If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube, then the worker has already failed. If the goal was to deliver as much of the material as quickly as possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the cube [removing only 17.16%]. An octagonal prism rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted. Don't Work Hard. Work Intelligent. But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at their destination, they may be required to stack the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent worker has delivered an object that won't stack. Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo! Oh, and it should read:"work intelligently." meirl
evi: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%]. An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read:"work intelligently."
meirl

meirl

evi: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product for the sake of making your own job easier? This worker just removed 47.64% of the material from the object he was assigned to transport! If one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster, too. And probably get fired for it. If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere, but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate- rial. And it would require less work to carve. While we're on the subject, though, how quickly did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there. If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube, then the worker has already failed. If the goal was to deliver as much of the material as quickly as possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the cube [removing only 17.16%). An octagonal prism rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted. Don't Work Hard. Work Intelligent. But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at their destination, they may be required to stack the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent worker has delivered an object that won't stack. Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo! Oh, and it should read: "Work Intelligently." <p><a href="http://laughoutloud-club.tumblr.com/post/173928613600/wait-a-second-just-think-about-it" class="tumblr_blog">laughoutloud-club</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Wait A Second, Just Think About It</p></blockquote>
evi: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%). An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read: "Work Intelligently."
<p><a href="http://laughoutloud-club.tumblr.com/post/173928613600/wait-a-second-just-think-about-it" class="tumblr_blog">laughoutloud-club</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>Wait A Second, Just Think About It</p></blockquote>

<p><a href="http://laughoutloud-club.tumblr.com/post/173928613600/wait-a-second-just-think-about-it" class="tumblr_blog">laughoutloud-clu...

evi: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product for the sake of making your own job easier? This worker just removed 47.64% of the material from the object he was assigned to transport! If one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster, too. And probably get fired for it. If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere, but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate- rial. And it would require less work to carve. While we're on the subject, though, how quickly did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there. If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube, then the worker has already failed. If the goal was to deliver as much of the material as quickly as possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the cube [removing only 17.16%). An octagonal prism rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted. Don't Work Hard. Work Intelligent. But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at their destination, they may be required to stack the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent worker has delivered an object that won't stack. Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo! Oh, and it should read: "Work Intelligently." laughoutloud-club: Wait A Second, Just Think About It
evi: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%). An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read: "Work Intelligently."
laughoutloud-club:

Wait A Second, Just Think About It

laughoutloud-club: Wait A Second, Just Think About It

evi: feynites.tumblr.com minesottafatspoollegend i love in fantasy when its like "king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous When my sister and I were kids we had this one action figure, who was actually a brutalized batman doll without his cape (the dog chewed half his head, too), who we dubbed 'Evil Chancellor Traytor'. The idea was that in the fictional society of our toys, 'chancellor' just came with the word ‘evil, in front of it, as a matter of ancient tradition. Like grand, or high, or something along those lines Anyway, the running gag was that the king (an old Power Rangers knock-off doll) had absolute and unwavering faith in Evil Chancellor Traytor, who basically comported himself like a mix between Grima Wormtongue and Jafar from the Aladdin movies. Everyone was always sure that Evil Chancellor Traytor had something to do with the nefarious scheme of the day. The dude even carried around a poisoned knife called 'the kingslayer The additional twist on the joke, though, was that he never was behind anything. The king was actually right. Evil Chancellor Traytor was the most devoted civil servant in the entire Action Figure Dystopia. He spent his nights working on writing up new legislature to ensure that broken toys had access to mobility devices, was always on the lookout to acquire new shoeboxes for expanding city infrastructure, and drafted a proposal that once got half the 'settlement' in my sister and I's closet moved to the upper shelf so that vulnerable toys were less likely to be snatched up by the dog The knife, as it turned out, was as symbolic as the 'evi in his name. See, Action Figure Dystopia had a long history of corrupted monarchs getting too big for their thrones and exploiting the underclasses. The job of the Evil Chancellor was to always remain vigilant, and loyally serve a good ruler or, if the regent should became a despot, to slay them on behalf of the people But since killing the king would be a terrible crime, the Evil Chancellor had to be the kind of person who would willingly die to spare the people from the plight of a wicked leader because the murder would be pinned on them, in order to keep the 'machinery of politics working as smoothly as ever Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor had a diary, in which my sister I would take turns writing out the most over-the-top good shit he'd done behind the scenes. Usually after everyone else had finished talking shit about him. I don't know why but we got the biggest kick out of being like Barbie With the Unfortunate Haircut: Oh that Evil Chancellor Traytor! Why can't the king see how wicked he is?! Charmander From the Vending Machine: Char! Jurassic Park Toy of Jeff Goldblum With Disturbingly Realistic Face: At least if someone puts a knife in the king's back, we'll know where to look! Evil Chancellor Traytor's Diary: Today I was feeding ducks at the park when I noticed another legless action figure sitting by the benches. I put a hundred dollars into his bag while he wasn't looking. I really need to increase budgeting to the medical treatment centers. If only we had enough glue, I think we would see far fewer toys trying to get by without limbs insert iconic evil laugh Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor eventually fell victim to one of my mom's cleaning sprees and she decided he was too busted up to keep and tossed him out. My littler brother, who tended to follow my sister and I's games like he was watching a daily soap opera, cried so hard that we had to do a special 'episode' where one of the toys found the Evil Chancellor's diary, and so he got a big huge memorial and the king threw himself into the empty grave and then ordered the toys driving the toy bulldozer to bury him so that Traytor's grave would have a body' (this seemed very important for some reason) And then we had the Quest For a New King. Somehow or another that ended up being a giant rubber snake called Tyrant King Cobra (via besiderunningwaters) #my apologies for rambling #but it has been a long time since i thought about traytor #and that suddenly reminded me of him H APR 201 SOURCE SWEETBABYRAYSGOURMETSAUCES 78,236 NOTES The Unforgettable Tale of Evil Chancellor Traytor
evi: feynites.tumblr.com
 minesottafatspoollegend
 i love in fantasy when its like "king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most
 trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous
 When my sister and I were kids we had this one action figure, who was actually a brutalized
 batman doll without his cape (the dog chewed half his head, too), who we dubbed 'Evil
 Chancellor Traytor'. The idea was that in the fictional society of our toys, 'chancellor' just
 came with the word ‘evil, in front of it, as a matter of ancient tradition. Like grand, or high, or
 something along those lines
 Anyway, the running gag was that the king (an old Power Rangers knock-off doll) had
 absolute and unwavering faith in Evil Chancellor Traytor, who basically comported himself
 like a mix between Grima Wormtongue and Jafar from the Aladdin movies. Everyone was
 always sure that Evil Chancellor Traytor had something to do with the nefarious scheme of
 the day. The dude even carried around a poisoned knife called 'the kingslayer
 The additional twist on the joke, though, was that he never was behind anything. The king
 was actually right. Evil Chancellor Traytor was the most devoted civil servant in the entire
 Action Figure Dystopia. He spent his nights working on writing up new legislature to ensure
 that broken toys had access to mobility devices, was always on the lookout to acquire new
 shoeboxes for expanding city infrastructure, and drafted a proposal that once got half
 the 'settlement' in my sister and I's closet moved to the upper shelf so that vulnerable toys
 were less likely to be snatched up by the dog
 The knife, as it turned out, was as symbolic as the 'evi in his name. See, Action Figure
 Dystopia had a long history of corrupted monarchs getting too big for their thrones and
 exploiting the underclasses. The job of the Evil Chancellor was to always remain vigilant, and
 loyally serve a good ruler or, if the regent should became a despot, to slay them on behalf
 of the people
 But since killing the king would be a terrible crime, the Evil Chancellor had to be the kind of
 person who would willingly die to spare the people from the plight of a wicked leader
 because the murder would be pinned on them, in order to keep the 'machinery of politics
 working as smoothly as ever
 Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor had a diary, in which my sister I would take turns writing out
 the most over-the-top good shit he'd done behind the scenes. Usually after everyone else
 had finished talking shit about him. I don't know why but we got the biggest kick out of being
 like
 Barbie With the Unfortunate Haircut: Oh that Evil Chancellor Traytor! Why can't the king see
 how wicked he is?!
 Charmander From the Vending Machine: Char!
 Jurassic Park Toy of Jeff Goldblum With Disturbingly Realistic Face: At least if someone puts
 a knife in the king's back, we'll know where to look!
 Evil Chancellor Traytor's Diary: Today I was feeding ducks at the park when I noticed another
 legless action figure sitting by the benches. I put a hundred dollars into his bag while he
 wasn't looking. I really need to increase budgeting to the medical treatment centers. If only
 we had enough glue, I think we would see far fewer toys trying to get by without limbs
 insert iconic evil laugh
 Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor eventually fell victim to one of my mom's cleaning sprees
 and she decided he was too busted up to keep and tossed him out. My littler brother, who
 tended to follow my sister and I's games like he was watching a daily soap opera, cried so
 hard that we had to do a special 'episode' where one of the toys found the Evil Chancellor's
 diary, and so he got a big huge memorial and the king threw himself into the empty grave
 and then ordered the toys driving the toy bulldozer to bury him so that Traytor's grave would
 have a body' (this seemed very important for some reason)
 And then we had the Quest For a New King. Somehow or another that ended up being a
 giant rubber snake called Tyrant King Cobra
 (via besiderunningwaters)
 #my apologies for rambling #but it has been a long time since i thought about traytor
 #and that suddenly reminded me of him
 H APR 201
 SOURCE SWEETBABYRAYSGOURMETSAUCES 78,236 NOTES
The Unforgettable Tale of Evil Chancellor Traytor

The Unforgettable Tale of Evil Chancellor Traytor