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Cats, Cheating, and Fresh: Dear neighbors who were partying last night, Being loud in your own apartment is one thing, but letting Becky stumble around slur-yelling in the hallway at 3:30 AM is another. I understand that Kristin is excited about her new stewardess job at Air Canada, but she needs to tone it the fuck down because your neighbors are trying to sleep, and quite frankly we all know that WestJet is better anyways. Have fun with those shitty benefits, Kristin. And while it's super tragic that Jen found out Chad has been cheating on her, and only a few days after they did that couple's sleigh ride in Canmore, Christ knows that nobody wants to hear about it at 4 in the fucking morning. Now my cat's awake, he's wondering what the fuck is going on, and I've got to explain to him why Tracy is so upset about the way Gilmore Girls season 8 ended that she feels the need to wander the goddamn hallway of our apartment building yelling about it right now. BTW Jen, the only reason Chad took you on that sleigh ride is because he found a cheap Groupon. You must not have heard the battlecry I let out at exactly 3:37, after listening to Megan give her 2 cents on the serious issue of the gender pay gap, for over an hour. It was something to the effect of, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" No, you must not have heard it, because Jen's aggressive cry-yelling didn't let up until 4:02, at which point she was ushered into the back of a yellow checkered cab with fresh puke starting to crust on her new Artizya flannel. My point is that after last night, I know your friends better than I know my own friends. I don't have any friends, but that's besides the point. Your friends are fucking loud, and the hallway is a ridiculous place to hang out late at night. Or ever. Actually, you should probably just move out. You're sort of the worst. Luke-warm regards, your super pissed off neighbors
Cats, Cheating, and Fresh: Dear neighbors who were partying last night,
 Being loud in your own apartment is one thing, but letting Becky
 stumble around slur-yelling in the hallway at 3:30 AM is another. I
 understand that Kristin is excited about her new stewardess job at Air
 Canada, but she needs to tone it the fuck down because your neighbors
 are trying to sleep, and quite frankly we all know that WestJet is better
 anyways. Have fun with those shitty benefits, Kristin.
 And while it's super tragic that Jen found out Chad has been cheating
 on her, and only a few days after they did that couple's sleigh ride in
 Canmore, Christ knows that nobody wants to hear about it at 4 in the
 fucking morning. Now my cat's awake, he's wondering what the fuck is
 going on, and I've got to explain to him why Tracy is so upset about the
 way Gilmore Girls season 8 ended that she feels the need to wander the
 goddamn hallway of our apartment building yelling about it right now.
 BTW Jen, the only reason Chad took you on that sleigh ride is because
 he found a cheap Groupon.
 You must not have heard the battlecry I let out at exactly 3:37, after
 listening to Megan give her 2 cents on the serious issue of the gender
 pay gap, for over an hour. It was something to the effect of, "SHUT
 THE FUCK UP!" No, you must not have heard it, because Jen's
 aggressive cry-yelling didn't let up until 4:02, at which point she was
 ushered into the back of a yellow checkered cab with fresh puke
 starting to crust on her new Artizya flannel.
 My point is that after last night, I know your friends better than I know
 my own friends. I don't have any friends, but that's besides the point.
 Your friends are fucking loud, and the hallway is a ridiculous place to
 hang out late at night. Or ever. Actually, you should probably just move
 out. You're sort of the worst.
 Luke-warm regards,
 your super pissed off neighbors