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Dude, Facebook, and God: The Entire Bible Explained In One Facebook Post. This Guy Nails It. 6 hrs e Holy Bible: the TL DR version (too long; didnt read) GENESIS God: All right, you two, don't do the one thing. Other than that, have fun Adam & Eve: Okay Satan: You should do the thing Adam & Eve: Okay God: What happened!? Adam & Eve: We did the thing God: Guys THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT God: You are my people, and you should not do the things People: We wont do the things God: Good People: We did the things. God: Guys THE GOSPELS JesusI am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the Father and I still love you and want you to live. Don't do the things anymore Healed people: Okay! Thank you! Other people: Weve never seen him do the things, but he probably does the things when no one is looking Jesus: I have never done the things Other people: We're going to put you on trial for doing the things Pilate: Did you do the things? Jesus: No. Pilate: He didn't do the things. Other people: Kill him anyway Pilate: Okay Jesus: Guys.... PAUL'S LETTERS People: We did the things. Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop doing the things People: Okay PAUL'S LETTERS PART II People: We did the things again Paul: Guys REVELATION John: When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the things. In the meantime, stop doing the things. THE END Unlike Comment Share and 7 others like this. That still was dr, dude 6 hrs Like 1 5 mins Like Write a comment. epicjohndoe: TL;DR Version Of The Bible
Dude, Facebook, and God: The Entire Bible Explained In One
 Facebook Post. This Guy Nails It.
 6 hrs e
 Holy Bible: the TL DR version (too long; didnt read)
 GENESIS
 God: All right, you two, don't do the one thing. Other than that, have fun
 Adam & Eve: Okay
 Satan: You should do the thing
 Adam & Eve: Okay
 God: What happened!?
 Adam & Eve: We did the thing
 God: Guys
 THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT
 God: You are my people, and you should not do the things
 People: We wont do the things
 God: Good
 People: We did the things.
 God: Guys
 THE GOSPELS
 JesusI am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the
 Father and I still love you and want you to live. Don't do the things anymore
 Healed people: Okay! Thank you!
 Other people: Weve never seen him do the things, but he probably does
 the things when no one is looking
 Jesus: I have never done the things
 Other people: We're going to put you on trial for doing the things
 Pilate: Did you do the things?
 Jesus: No.
 Pilate: He didn't do the things.
 Other people: Kill him anyway
 Pilate: Okay
 Jesus: Guys....
 PAUL'S LETTERS
 People: We did the things.
 Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop
 doing the things
 People: Okay
 PAUL'S LETTERS PART II
 People: We did the things again
 Paul: Guys
 REVELATION
 John: When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the
 things. In the meantime, stop doing the things.
 THE END
 Unlike Comment Share
 and 7 others like this.
 That still was
 dr, dude
 6 hrs Like 1
 5 mins Like
 Write a comment.
epicjohndoe:

TL;DR Version Of The Bible

epicjohndoe: TL;DR Version Of The Bible

Dude, Facebook, and God: The Entire Bible Explained In One Facebook Post. This Guy Nails It. 6 hrs e Holy Bible: the TL DR version (too long; didnt read) GENESIS God: All right, you two, don't do the one thing. Other than that, have fun Adam & Eve: Okay Satan: You should do the thing Adam & Eve: Okay God: What happened!? Adam & Eve: We did the thing God: Guys THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT God: You are my people, and you should not do the things People: We wont do the things God: Good People: We did the things. God: Guys THE GOSPELS JesusI am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the Father and I still love you and want you to live. Don't do the things anymore Healed people: Okay! Thank you! Other people: Weve never seen him do the things, but he probably does the things when no one is looking Jesus: I have never done the things Other people: We're going to put you on trial for doing the things Pilate: Did you do the things? Jesus: No. Pilate: He didn't do the things. Other people: Kill him anyway Pilate: Okay Jesus: Guys.... PAUL'S LETTERS People: We did the things. Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop doing the things People: Okay PAUL'S LETTERS PART II People: We did the things again Paul: Guys REVELATION John: When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the things. In the meantime, stop doing the things. THE END Unlike Comment Share and 7 others like this. That still was dr, dude 6 hrs Like 1 5 mins Like Write a comment. epicjohndoe: TL;DR Version Of The Bible
Dude, Facebook, and God: The Entire Bible Explained In One
 Facebook Post. This Guy Nails It.
 6 hrs e
 Holy Bible: the TL DR version (too long; didnt read)
 GENESIS
 God: All right, you two, don't do the one thing. Other than that, have fun
 Adam & Eve: Okay
 Satan: You should do the thing
 Adam & Eve: Okay
 God: What happened!?
 Adam & Eve: We did the thing
 God: Guys
 THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT
 God: You are my people, and you should not do the things
 People: We wont do the things
 God: Good
 People: We did the things.
 God: Guys
 THE GOSPELS
 JesusI am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the
 Father and I still love you and want you to live. Don't do the things anymore
 Healed people: Okay! Thank you!
 Other people: Weve never seen him do the things, but he probably does
 the things when no one is looking
 Jesus: I have never done the things
 Other people: We're going to put you on trial for doing the things
 Pilate: Did you do the things?
 Jesus: No.
 Pilate: He didn't do the things.
 Other people: Kill him anyway
 Pilate: Okay
 Jesus: Guys....
 PAUL'S LETTERS
 People: We did the things.
 Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop
 doing the things
 People: Okay
 PAUL'S LETTERS PART II
 People: We did the things again
 Paul: Guys
 REVELATION
 John: When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the
 things. In the meantime, stop doing the things.
 THE END
 Unlike Comment Share
 and 7 others like this.
 That still was
 dr, dude
 6 hrs Like 1
 5 mins Like
 Write a comment.
epicjohndoe:

TL;DR Version Of The Bible

epicjohndoe: TL;DR Version Of The Bible

Dude, Facebook, and God: The Entire Bible Explained In One Facebook Post. This Guy Nails It. 6 hrs e Holy Bible: the TL DR version (too long; didnt read) GENESIS God: All right, you two, don't do the one thing. Other than that, have fun Adam & Eve: Okay Satan: You should do the thing Adam & Eve: Okay God: What happened!? Adam & Eve: We did the thing God: Guys THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT God: You are my people, and you should not do the things People: We wont do the things God: Good People: We did the things. God: Guys THE GOSPELS JesusI am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the Father and I still love you and want you to live. Don't do the things anymore Healed people: Okay! Thank you! Other people: Weve never seen him do the things, but he probably does the things when no one is looking Jesus: I have never done the things Other people: We're going to put you on trial for doing the things Pilate: Did you do the things? Jesus: No. Pilate: He didn't do the things. Other people: Kill him anyway Pilate: Okay Jesus: Guys.... PAUL'S LETTERS People: We did the things. Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop doing the things People: Okay PAUL'S LETTERS PART II People: We did the things again Paul: Guys REVELATION John: When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the things. In the meantime, stop doing the things. THE END Unlike Comment Share and 7 others like this. That still was dr, dude 6 hrs Like 1 5 mins Like Write a comment. epicjohndoe: TL;DR Version Of The Bible
Dude, Facebook, and God: The Entire Bible Explained In One
 Facebook Post. This Guy Nails It.
 6 hrs e
 Holy Bible: the TL DR version (too long; didnt read)
 GENESIS
 God: All right, you two, don't do the one thing. Other than that, have fun
 Adam & Eve: Okay
 Satan: You should do the thing
 Adam & Eve: Okay
 God: What happened!?
 Adam & Eve: We did the thing
 God: Guys
 THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT
 God: You are my people, and you should not do the things
 People: We wont do the things
 God: Good
 People: We did the things.
 God: Guys
 THE GOSPELS
 JesusI am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the
 Father and I still love you and want you to live. Don't do the things anymore
 Healed people: Okay! Thank you!
 Other people: Weve never seen him do the things, but he probably does
 the things when no one is looking
 Jesus: I have never done the things
 Other people: We're going to put you on trial for doing the things
 Pilate: Did you do the things?
 Jesus: No.
 Pilate: He didn't do the things.
 Other people: Kill him anyway
 Pilate: Okay
 Jesus: Guys....
 PAUL'S LETTERS
 People: We did the things.
 Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop
 doing the things
 People: Okay
 PAUL'S LETTERS PART II
 People: We did the things again
 Paul: Guys
 REVELATION
 John: When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the
 things. In the meantime, stop doing the things.
 THE END
 Unlike Comment Share
 and 7 others like this.
 That still was
 dr, dude
 6 hrs Like 1
 5 mins Like
 Write a comment.
epicjohndoe:

TL;DR Version Of The Bible

epicjohndoe: TL;DR Version Of The Bible

Be Like, Comfortable, and Condom: Mousie If a boy ever tells you he's too big for a condom, please send him this magic-retina: siphersaysstuff: megabeeprime: snyderman37: anxiousartisan: paladinpup: kramergate: just because it “fits” doesnt mean its comfortable or sustainable stopppppppp this shit There are two main factors at play when someone says that a condom is too small: (1) the band size is too small (2) the condom is not sustainable The band is at the base of the condom. It’s latex is made thicker here than the shaft and is, therefore, less elastic. The band keeps the condom secure so it does not come off mid-insertion and so penial fluids do not leak from the condom. To do this, the band has to keep a very tight grip on the base of the penis. This is the main complaint from people using condoms too small for them. The shaft’s plastic can stretch comfortably, but the band is not so lenient and uncomfortably or painfully squeezes the base of the penis. Condoms in use experience a lot of friction. For a condom’s shaft or band to be stretched farther than it was intended weakens the latex. The band and shaft are then at risk of being broken from the friction. It fitting does not mean it is sustainable. If your partner says a condom is too small, believe them and cease from doing anything that requires a condom. If your partner says a condom is too small but is trying to pressure you into unprotected sex, kick them out the door.  Thaaaank you please read the above they make large and XXL condoms for a reason and it’s not to stoke men’s egos A former… friend suggested I try a size or two larger, and yes, they do work. Yep. At first, I thought that condoms were supposed to be that tight. I’d seen those “condoms can fit on a two liter bottle so quit your complaining,” I had no basis for comparison because dudes don’t talk about that shit, and no one wants to be that “HURR HURR GUESS I NEED A MAGNUM XL” guy. Now wear that condom on your arm for a while. Ten minutes at least. Still got sensation in your arm? One of the many failures of sex ed in this country is the notion that there’s only two types of condom, “fits everyone except those elephant-trunk-cock freaks” and “for elephant-trunk-cock freaks or lying braggarts” (and yes, there’s implicit shame in the idea of people needing non-”regular”-sized condoms and the genesis for such is pretty likely rooted in some really nasty viewpoints about certain groups of people but I’m digressing). But penises come in a LOT of dimensions, and not all of them fit right in a “normal” condom. You don’t need to have a monster down there for a condom to be legitimately painful and/or break mid-act. This can leave a lot of people legitimately unawares that it doesn’t have to be like this. (I was, early on.) Condom too tight? That’s a real problem for the reasons pointed out above. But it’s a solvable one at most drug stores, which generally have a broader (ha ha) selection than your Walmarts or Targets. Or suck it up (ha ha) and go to an “adult boutique” (a proper one) where they’re likely to have even more options and let’s be real here the people working at these aren’t gonna give you Looks over condom selection. Or shop at said boutiques online if you REALLY need to avoid the in-person thing. And if you think you’re gonna be doing things requiring condoms, HAVE YOUR OWN. Yes, even if you personally don’t have a penis. Buy a box of large-size as well just in case. And don’t let anyone give you guff over it, and don’t let anyone pressure you into unprotected sex because of condom size. For the record, even if you’re doing things that don’t involve a penis at all, condoms are good to have around. They make great dental dams on the fly, keep toys clean, and keep body parts clean if your partner is using their hands. :) Also, keep some non-latex ones around in case you or your partner has a latex allergy. Trust me, there are few places worse to have that allergic reaction. o_o
Be Like, Comfortable, and Condom: Mousie
 If a boy ever tells you he's too big for a
 condom, please send him this
magic-retina:

siphersaysstuff:

megabeeprime:

snyderman37:

anxiousartisan:

paladinpup:

kramergate:

just because it “fits” doesnt mean its comfortable or sustainable stopppppppp this shit

There are two main factors at play when someone says that a condom is too small: (1) the band size is too small  (2) the condom is not sustainable
The band is at the base of the condom. It’s latex is made thicker here than the shaft and is, therefore, less elastic. The band keeps the condom secure so it does not come off mid-insertion and so penial fluids do not leak from the condom. To do this, the band has to keep a very tight grip on the base of the penis. This is the main complaint from people using condoms too small for them. The shaft’s plastic can stretch comfortably, but the band is not so lenient and uncomfortably or painfully squeezes the base of the penis.
Condoms in use experience a lot of friction. For a condom’s shaft or band to be stretched farther than it was intended weakens the latex. The band and shaft are then at risk of being broken from the friction. It fitting does not mean it is sustainable.
If your partner says a condom is too small, believe them and cease from doing anything that requires a condom. If your partner says a condom is too small but is trying to pressure you into unprotected sex, kick them out the door. 

Thaaaank you please read the above they make large and XXL condoms for a reason and it’s not to stoke men’s egos

A former… friend suggested I try a size or two larger, and yes, they do work.

Yep. At first, I thought that condoms were supposed to be that tight. I’d seen those “condoms can fit on a two liter bottle so quit your complaining,” I had no basis for comparison because dudes don’t talk about that shit, and no one wants to be that “HURR HURR GUESS I NEED A MAGNUM XL” guy.


Now wear that condom on your arm for a while. Ten minutes at least. Still got sensation in your arm?
One of the many failures of sex ed in this country is the notion that there’s only two types of condom, “fits everyone except those elephant-trunk-cock freaks” and “for elephant-trunk-cock freaks or lying braggarts” (and yes, there’s implicit shame in the idea of people needing non-”regular”-sized condoms and the genesis for such is pretty likely rooted in some really nasty viewpoints about certain groups of people but I’m digressing).
But penises come in a LOT of dimensions, and not all of them fit right in a “normal” condom. You don’t need to have a monster down there for a condom to be legitimately painful and/or break mid-act. This can leave a lot of people legitimately unawares that it doesn’t have to be like this. (I was, early on.)
Condom too tight? That’s a real problem for the reasons pointed out above. But it’s a solvable one at most drug stores, which generally have a broader (ha ha) selection than your Walmarts or Targets. Or suck it up (ha ha) and go to an “adult boutique” (a proper one) where they’re likely to have even more options and let’s be real here the people working at these aren’t gonna give you Looks over condom selection. Or shop at said boutiques online if you REALLY need to avoid the in-person thing.
And if you think you’re gonna be doing things requiring condoms, HAVE YOUR OWN. Yes, even if you personally don’t have a penis. Buy a box of large-size as well just in case.
And don’t let anyone give you guff over it, and don’t let anyone pressure you into unprotected sex because of condom size.

For the record, even if you’re doing things that don’t involve a penis at all, condoms are good to have around. They make great dental dams on the fly, keep toys clean, and keep body parts clean if your partner is using their hands. :) Also, keep some non-latex ones around in case you or your partner has a latex allergy. Trust me, there are few places worse to have that allergic reaction. o_o

magic-retina: siphersaysstuff: megabeeprime: snyderman37: anxiousartisan: paladinpup: kramergate: just because it “fits” doesnt mean ...