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Bad, Bad Boys, and Christmas: HELI'S KITCHEN MOVME CUB XMAS SPECIAL MUN ou ARE MOST ToUBLESOME FOR A SECURITY GUARD ㄧㄋ EEENH! SORRY, HANS, WRONG GUESS. Wouw You IKE TO ão FOR OUBLE JEOPARTY,WHERE THE SCORES CAN REALLY CHANGE? CWHOA, THESE THINGS ARE REALLY BAD FOR You THEN WHO ARE You? [INDIANA JONES THEME MUSIC PLAYS] WHEWE JUST A FLY IN THE OINTMENT, HANS. ER PSHUU THE MONKEY KLIK TTER WHAT IS IT YOU WANT, MARY? WHAT DO YOU WANT? DO YOU WANT THE MOON? JUST SAY THE WORD AND I'LL THROW A LASSO AROUND T AND PULL IT DOWN HEY. THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA. I'LL GIVE YOU THE MOON, MARY. I'LL TAKE IT. THEN WHAT, GEORGE? SNIFE WELL, THEN YOU CAN SWALLOWIT AND IT'LL ALL DISSOLVE, SEE. AND THE MOONBEAMS WOULD SHOOT OUT OF YOUR FINGERS AND YOUR TOES AND THE ENDS OF YOUR HAIR... AM I TALKING TOO MUCH? YES! WHY DON'T YOU KISS HER, INSTEAD OF TALKING HER TO DEATH? HKMC is a work of satire by Dave Acosta (@davedrawsgood), Dee Cunniffe (@deezoid) & Alex de Campi (@alexdecampi). All characters (c) Marvel Comics. Next episode: Death Wish. Or maybe Predator. Dunno. No for real, The Thin Man is "clearly" the best Xmas movie. William Powell is a comedy genius. (If you like Nick & Nora, check out My Man Godfrey, another brillant Powell screwball that has the greatest and by greatest we mean most fucked-up- meetcute of all time.) There's a period in one's young adulthood where it's deeply uncool to like A Wonderful Life. Sentimentality! Ugh, gross. Then you get older, and messages of hope seem a lot more necessary than before. Also, Jimmy Stewart is funny as hell. Not just his delivery, but his physical business between lines? #Goals. Stewart has been in a lot of great films Capra's so current it hurt Mr Smith Frex but if you like nors, dig up the under-appreciated Preminger classic, Anatomy of a Murder. Duke Ellington wrote&performed the score! Anyway: Happy Christmas from all of us. You are more important than you know, and more loved than you believe. Things will get better, give it time. alexdecampi: Hells Kitchen Movie Club Xmas Special! Ho ho ho, motherfuckers! Love from me, @dave-acosta and @deecunniffe Bucky’s shirt a low-key nod to @buckykingofmemes, who we adore Previously in Hell: cover image // 01 // 02 // 03 // Xmas // 04 // 05 // 06 // That time the Punisher’s creator gave us a thumbs-up // twitter // insta HOW did I get a shoutout in this A YEAR AGO and never knew about it?? This series is excellent! Look at that drowsy Bucky!
Bad, Bad Boys, and Christmas: HELI'S KITCHEN MOVME CUB XMAS SPECIAL
 MUN
 ou ARE MOST ToUBLESOME
 FOR A SECURITY GUARD
 ㄧㄋ
 EEENH! SORRY, HANS,
 WRONG GUESS.
 Wouw You IKE TO ão FOR
 OUBLE JEOPARTY,WHERE THE
 SCORES CAN REALLY CHANGE?

 CWHOA, THESE THINGS ARE
 REALLY BAD FOR You
 THEN WHO ARE You?
 [INDIANA JONES THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
 WHEWE
 JUST A FLY IN THE
 OINTMENT, HANS.
 ER

 PSHUU
 THE MONKEY
 KLIK
 TTER
 WHAT IS IT YOU WANT, MARY?
 WHAT DO YOU WANT? DO YOU
 WANT THE MOON?

 JUST SAY THE WORD AND
 I'LL THROW A LASSO AROUND
 T AND PULL IT DOWN
 HEY. THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA.
 I'LL GIVE YOU THE MOON, MARY.
 I'LL TAKE IT.
 THEN WHAT, GEORGE?
 SNIFE
 WELL, THEN YOU CAN SWALLOWIT
 AND IT'LL ALL DISSOLVE, SEE.
 AND THE MOONBEAMS WOULD SHOOT
 OUT OF YOUR FINGERS AND YOUR TOES
 AND THE ENDS OF YOUR HAIR...
 AM I TALKING TOO MUCH?
 YES! WHY DON'T YOU KISS HER,
 INSTEAD OF TALKING HER TO DEATH?
 HKMC is a work of satire by Dave Acosta (@davedrawsgood), Dee Cunniffe (@deezoid) & Alex de Campi (@alexdecampi).
 All characters (c) Marvel Comics.
 Next episode: Death Wish. Or maybe Predator. Dunno.
 No for real, The Thin Man is "clearly" the best Xmas movie. William Powell is a comedy genius. (If you like Nick & Nora, check out My Man
 Godfrey, another brillant Powell screwball that has the greatest and by greatest we mean most fucked-up- meetcute of all time.)
 There's a period in one's young adulthood where it's deeply uncool to like A Wonderful Life. Sentimentality! Ugh, gross. Then you get older,
 and messages of hope seem a lot more necessary than before. Also, Jimmy Stewart is funny as hell. Not just his delivery, but his physical
 business between lines? #Goals. Stewart has been in a lot of great films Capra's so current it hurt Mr Smith Frex but if you like nors, dig
 up the under-appreciated Preminger classic, Anatomy of a Murder. Duke Ellington wrote&performed the score! Anyway: Happy Christmas from
 all of us. You are more important than you know, and more loved than you believe. Things will get better, give it time.
alexdecampi:
Hells Kitchen Movie Club Xmas Special! Ho ho ho, motherfuckers! Love from me, @dave-acosta and @deecunniffe
Bucky’s shirt a low-key nod to @buckykingofmemes, who we adore
Previously in Hell: cover image // 01 // 02 // 03 // Xmas // 04 // 05 // 06 // That time the Punisher’s creator gave us a thumbs-up // twitter // insta

HOW did I get a shoutout in this A YEAR AGO and never knew about it?? This series is excellent! Look at that drowsy Bucky!

alexdecampi: Hells Kitchen Movie Club Xmas Special! Ho ho ho, motherfuckers! Love from me, @dave-acosta and @deecunniffe Bucky’s shirt a low...

Amazon, Complex, and Jeff Bezos: Dazed Jeff Bezos Realizes He Spent Entire Conversation Thinking About How To Automate Person Talking To Him theonion: SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversation thinking about how to automate the person talking to him. “Sorry, could you repeat that? I just lost focus for a second [as I indifferently watched you open and close your mouth, becoming increasingly aware of the fact that a simple machine could do the exact same things as you],” Bezos said to the Amazon vice president in front of him, even as he resumed brainstorming a complex algorithm that would streamline the executive’s duties, perform them with greater speed and efficiency, and possibly even capture some of his unique human qualities to make it user-friendly. “Whoops, there I go again. I must’ve spaced out [after realizing I could probably render you completely irrelevant within just a few years]. I guess I’m really distracted today [by the tantalizing thought of an automaton executing every one of your relevant functions for no salary with never a single complaint].” Bezos, who suddenly recalled a series of vivid dreams from the previous night in which he automated the entire American workforce, went on to apologize for not getting much sleep.
Amazon, Complex, and Jeff Bezos: Dazed Jeff Bezos Realizes
 He Spent Entire Conversation
 Thinking About How To Automate
 Person Talking To Him
theonion:

SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversation thinking about how to automate the person talking to him. “Sorry, could you repeat that? I just lost focus for a second [as I indifferently watched you open and close your mouth, becoming increasingly aware of the fact that a simple machine could do the exact same things as you],” Bezos said to the Amazon vice president in front of him, even as he resumed brainstorming a complex algorithm that would streamline the executive’s duties, perform them with greater speed and efficiency, and possibly even capture some of his unique human qualities to make it user-friendly. “Whoops, there I go again. I must’ve spaced out [after realizing I could probably render you completely irrelevant within just a few years]. I guess I’m really distracted today [by the tantalizing thought of an automaton executing every one of your relevant functions for no salary with never a single complaint].” Bezos, who suddenly recalled a series of vivid dreams from the previous night in which he automated the entire American workforce, went on to apologize for not getting much sleep.

theonion: SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversa...

Alive, Being Alone, and Fire: IT ISE phantomemes: feel free to change things  ( such as pronouns )  as needed ! S M O K E  “ this is just a war in my head ”“ i give it time but it never seems to end ”“ i feel a fire in the back of my throat ”“ don’t you try to run right now ”“ you’re killing me right now ”“ i love the things we do when it’s just me and you ” S T  .  P A T R I C K “ you give me something to talk about ”“ i need a miracle ”“ you’re a glimpse of bliss ”“ i know you’re gone now ”“ i think you’re an angel ” M Y  H O U S E “ you’re a cold air creeping in ”“ i heard you down the hall ”“ you walk around like you own the place ”“ guess it was all my fault ”“ think you’ve been making me sick ”“ darling  ,  you can’t stay ”“ i’m not yours anymore ”“ i think it’s time to get out ” H O L Y “ you’ve got it all wrong ”“ you put on a faith facade ”“ you’re simply lost ”“ simply calling out sins don’t bring you closer to god ”“ you’re just a ghost at most ”“ you’re all alone ”“ there’s no way that there’s weight in the words that you preach ”“ you’re shallow and empty and filled with regret ”“ i think that chest must be heavy from that cross on your neck ”“ don’t think i didn’t notice ” F I R E “ i watched you decay ”“ who’d you think you’d fool ? ”“ you can’t cheat death when you’re digging your own grave ”“ so go ahead  ,  you just drop dead ”“ you’re out of line ”“ your bridges are burning ”“ what you give is what you get ”“ you were a walking  ,  talking  ,  corpse at best ”“ it’s hard to find life in something that’s already died ” G H O S T S “ i’m the one with the ghosts in my bed ”“ they only come alive at night ”“ i’ll be fine in the daylight ”“ it’s my head not my heart that’s strayed ”“ i’m sorry i keep pushing you away ”“ i don’t wanna fight ”“ why can’t you stay ? ” L E T  T H E M  I N “ i wanna feel something ”“ i shouldn’t give in ”“ i let you win ”“ you struck a match and left me to burn ”“ i won’t let you in ”“ find a new place  ,  another space to invade ”“ all the walls are caving in ”
Alive, Being Alone, and Fire: IT
 ISE
phantomemes:
feel free to change things  ( such as pronouns )  as needed !
S M O K E 
“ this is just a war in my head ”“ i give it time but it never seems to end ”“ i feel a fire in the back of my throat ”“ don’t you try to run right now ”“ you’re killing me right now ”“ i love the things we do when it’s just me and you ”
S T  .  P A T R I C K
“ you give me something to talk about ”“ i need a miracle ”“ you’re a glimpse of bliss ”“ i know you’re gone now ”“ i think you’re an angel ”
M Y  H O U S E
“ you’re a cold air creeping in ”“ i heard you down the hall ”“ you walk around like you own the place ”“ guess it was all my fault ”“ think you’ve been making me sick ”“ darling  ,  you can’t stay ”“ i’m not yours anymore ”“ i think it’s time to get out ”
H O L Y
“ you’ve got it all wrong ”“ you put on a faith facade ”“ you’re simply lost ”“ simply calling out sins don’t bring you closer to god ”“ you’re just a ghost at most ”“ you’re all alone ”“ there’s no way that there’s weight in the words that you preach ”“ you’re shallow and empty and filled with regret ”“ i think that chest must be heavy from that cross on your neck ”“ don’t think i didn’t notice ”
F I R E
“ i watched you decay ”“ who’d you think you’d fool ? ”“ you can’t cheat death when you’re digging your own grave ”“ so go ahead  ,  you just drop dead ”“ you’re out of line ”“ your bridges are burning ”“ what you give is what you get ”“ you were a walking  ,  talking  ,  corpse at best ”“ it’s hard to find life in something that’s already died ”
G H O S T S
“ i’m the one with the ghosts in my bed ”“ they only come alive at night ”“ i’ll be fine in the daylight ”“ it’s my head not my heart that’s strayed ”“ i’m sorry i keep pushing you away ”“ i don’t wanna fight ”“ why can’t you stay ? ”
L E T  T H E M  I N
“ i wanna feel something ”“ i shouldn’t give in ”“ i let you win ”“ you struck a match and left me to burn ”“ i won’t let you in ”“ find a new place  ,  another space to invade ”“ all the walls are caving in ”

phantomemes: feel free to change things  ( such as pronouns )  as needed ! S M O K E  “ this is just a war in my head ”“ i give it time but ...

Cars, Fucking, and Run: SheStayFabulous @Shestayfabulous Man old cars really were made to last 1/5 Ayton SZN @ReeceDontTweet ) his car ain't break a sweat becausedragonage: freshest-tittymilk: princealigorna: And this is why we used to make cars out of STEEL instead of FIBERGLASS! Sure, fiberglass is a lot lighter in weight and hence a hell of a lot better for gas mileage. But you hit anything at more than 20 mph and the entire body explodes off the fucking thing, and now you’re spending more to repair the car than it’s worth because you need a entire front end, read end, or side panel. They can’t just take the damaged section off, beat it out with a hammer, sand it, and repaint it. Everything is made with the idea of it being easier to replace than to maintain, aka planned obsolescence. Thanks, capitalism You guys are obscenely, dangerously wrong.  It’s not planned obsolescence, it’s physics. Modern cars crumple to absorb and distribute the forces of impact in an accident in an effort to protect the occupants. When cars didn’t have those crumple zones, the occupants, being the soft, squishy things they were, took those forces and were mangled or killed in horrible ways. Also, those older cars took hidden damage that often went unnoticed and made them very dangerous to drive.  I recently watched a TV show where a small sedan was run over by the trailer of an eighteen-wheeler. Run. Over. They had to unwrap the crumpled ball of a car from the undercarriage of that trailer. Guess what? The driver suffered only minor injuries because the car collapsed in exactly the way it was designed to so that she, in the very strong frame surrounding the passenger compartment, was protected.  And no, don’t thank capitalism for these modern cars. Thank Ralph Nader and countless other safety activists who worked tirelessly to make car manufacturers accountable for the safety of the people who drove their cars. 
Cars, Fucking, and Run: SheStayFabulous
 @Shestayfabulous
 Man old cars really were made to last
 1/5
 Ayton SZN
 @ReeceDontTweet
 ) his car ain't break a sweat
becausedragonage:

freshest-tittymilk:

princealigorna:

And this is why we used to make cars out of STEEL instead of FIBERGLASS! Sure, fiberglass is a lot lighter in weight and hence a hell of a lot better for gas mileage. But you hit anything at more than 20 mph and the entire body explodes off the fucking thing, and now you’re spending more to repair the car than it’s worth because you need a entire front end, read end, or side panel. They can’t just take the damaged section off, beat it out with a hammer, sand it, and repaint it.

Everything is made with the idea of it being easier to replace than to maintain, aka planned obsolescence. Thanks, capitalism

You guys are obscenely, dangerously wrong. 
It’s not planned obsolescence, it’s physics.
Modern cars crumple to absorb and distribute the forces of impact in an accident in an effort to protect the occupants. When cars didn’t have those crumple zones, the occupants, being the soft, squishy things they were, took those forces and were mangled or killed in horrible ways. Also, those older cars took hidden damage that often went unnoticed and made them very dangerous to drive. 
I recently watched a TV show where a small sedan was run over by the trailer of an eighteen-wheeler. Run. Over. They had to unwrap the crumpled ball of a car from the undercarriage of that trailer. Guess what? The driver suffered only minor injuries because the car collapsed in exactly the way it was designed to so that she, in the very strong frame surrounding the passenger compartment, was protected. 
And no, don’t thank capitalism for these modern cars. Thank Ralph Nader and countless other safety activists who worked tirelessly to make car manufacturers accountable for the safety of the people who drove their cars. 

becausedragonage: freshest-tittymilk: princealigorna: And this is why we used to make cars out of STEEL instead of FIBERGLASS! Sure, fibe...

Ass, Caitlyn Jenner, and Community: Ma$on @FirstGentleman FollowV Do vou understand how horrible of a person you have to be for Ellen not to like you? Attitude @AttitudeMag Caitlyn Jenner says Ellen "alienated" her from LGBT+ community attitude.co.uk/caitlyn-jenner RETWEETS LIKES 6,7369,034 A derpomatic: libertarirynn: talesandthoughtsfromreality: such-justice-wow: etheartist26: such-justice-wow: libertarirynn: fiftiesdoll: the-at-symbol: libertarirynn: I guess y’all aren’t kissing Caitlyn Jenner’s ass anymore? Oh right I forgot she participated in wrongthink so she’s no longer a “trans icon” or whatever Didn’t she run someone over once Aye and her victim died. She got away with it. I knew somebody would bring that up but that was before the transition and thus clearly not the reason people are turning on her now. She doesn’t support gay marriage, i thought that was the main one I heard about the car thing but not the marriage one. I thought it was because she said if you don’t ‘fully transition’, which costs thousands and thousands of dollars, that you weren’t really trans. Oh yeah i heard that one too. Either way there are plenty of reasons not to like her no matter your political affiliation Why should it matter if the car thing was pre or post transition? It’s still horrible and a reason not to like her. BuT iTs NoT tHe ReAsOn ThEy DoN’t LiKe HeR. That’s why it matters that it was Pre-transition. My point of this was not “I like Caitlyn Jenner“ it’s that the people who kissed her ass did so in spite of the hit-and-run and only stopped kissing her ass when she revealed right-leaning politics. That’s literally it. Caitlyn killed someone, transitioned, and became “stunning and brave”, then everyone learned she’s a conservative, and shat all over her again.And the people who think Ellen is some pure wooby would do the exact same to her if she committed wrongthink. Exactly. You can hang around and/or do all sorts of morally questionable things and still be OK as long as you identify on the LGBTQASDFGHJKL Spectrum and have the right politics, the only dealbreaker is being even slightly right of center. Caitlyn was “Woman of the Year” until she said she supported Ted Cruz. Lacie Greene was a feminist darling until she had the audacity to say that it can be beneficial to have discussions with people of different opinions, then suddenly she was the Nazi sympathizer. No one is safe.
Ass, Caitlyn Jenner, and Community: Ma$on
 @FirstGentleman
 FollowV
 Do vou understand how horrible of a person you
 have to be for Ellen not to like you?
 Attitude @AttitudeMag
 Caitlyn Jenner says Ellen "alienated" her from LGBT+ community
 attitude.co.uk/caitlyn-jenner
 RETWEETS
 LIKES
 6,7369,034 A
derpomatic:

libertarirynn:

talesandthoughtsfromreality:

such-justice-wow:


etheartist26:


such-justice-wow:

libertarirynn:


fiftiesdoll:


the-at-symbol:

libertarirynn:

I guess y’all aren’t kissing Caitlyn Jenner’s ass anymore? Oh right I forgot she participated in wrongthink so she’s no longer a “trans icon” or whatever

Didn’t she run someone over once

Aye and her victim died. She got away with it. 


I knew somebody would bring that up but that was before the transition and thus clearly not the reason people are turning on her now.


She doesn’t support gay marriage, i thought that was the main one 

I heard about the car thing but not the marriage one. I thought it was because she said if you don’t ‘fully transition’, which costs thousands and thousands of dollars, that you weren’t really trans.


Oh yeah i heard that one too. Either way there are plenty of reasons not to like her no matter your political affiliation 


Why should it matter if the car thing was pre or post transition? It’s still horrible and a reason not to like her.

BuT iTs NoT tHe ReAsOn ThEy DoN’t LiKe HeR. That’s why it matters that it was Pre-transition. My point of this was not “I like Caitlyn Jenner“ it’s that the people who kissed her ass did so in spite of the hit-and-run and only stopped kissing her ass when she revealed right-leaning politics. That’s literally it.

Caitlyn killed someone, transitioned, and became “stunning and brave”, then everyone learned she’s a conservative, and shat all over her again.And the people who think Ellen is some pure wooby would do the exact same to her if she committed wrongthink.

Exactly. You can hang around and/or do all sorts of morally questionable things and still be OK as long as you identify on the LGBTQASDFGHJKL Spectrum and have the right politics, the only dealbreaker is being even slightly right of center. Caitlyn was “Woman of the Year” until she said she supported Ted Cruz. Lacie Greene was a feminist darling until she had the audacity to say that it can be beneficial to have discussions with people of different opinions, then suddenly she was the Nazi sympathizer. No one is safe.

derpomatic: libertarirynn: talesandthoughtsfromreality: such-justice-wow: etheartist26: such-justice-wow: libertarirynn: fiftiesdo...

Ass, Caitlyn Jenner, and Community: Ma$on @FirstGentleman FollowV Do vou understand how horrible of a person you have to be for Ellen not to like you? Attitude @AttitudeMag Caitlyn Jenner says Ellen "alienated" her from LGBT+ community attitude.co.uk/caitlyn-jenner RETWEETS LIKES 6,7369,034 A talesandthoughtsfromreality: such-justice-wow: etheartist26: such-justice-wow: libertarirynn: fiftiesdoll: the-at-symbol: libertarirynn: I guess y’all aren’t kissing Caitlyn Jenner’s ass anymore? Oh right I forgot she participated in wrongthink so she’s no longer a “trans icon” or whatever Didn’t she run someone over once Aye and her victim died. She got away with it. I knew somebody would bring that up but that was before the transition and thus clearly not the reason people are turning on her now. She doesn’t support gay marriage, i thought that was the main one I heard about the car thing but not the marriage one. I thought it was because she said if you don’t ‘fully transition’, which costs thousands and thousands of dollars, that you weren’t really trans. Oh yeah i heard that one too. Either way there are plenty of reasons not to like her no matter your political affiliation Why should it matter if the car thing was pre or post transition? It’s still horrible and a reason not to like her. BuT iTs NoT tHe ReAsOn ThEy DoN’t LiKe HeR. That’s why it matters that it was Pre-transition. My point of this was not “I like Caitlyn Jenner“ it’s that the people who kissed her ass did so in spite of the accident and only stopped kissing her ass when she revealed right-leaning politics. That’s literally it.UPDATE: I change “hit-and-run“ to “accident“ because I’m pretty sure it was proven that it was in fact an accident and she wasn’t texting at the time.
Ass, Caitlyn Jenner, and Community: Ma$on
 @FirstGentleman
 FollowV
 Do vou understand how horrible of a person you
 have to be for Ellen not to like you?
 Attitude @AttitudeMag
 Caitlyn Jenner says Ellen "alienated" her from LGBT+ community
 attitude.co.uk/caitlyn-jenner
 RETWEETS
 LIKES
 6,7369,034 A
talesandthoughtsfromreality:

such-justice-wow:


etheartist26:


such-justice-wow:

libertarirynn:


fiftiesdoll:


the-at-symbol:

libertarirynn:

I guess y’all aren’t kissing Caitlyn Jenner’s ass anymore? Oh right I forgot she participated in wrongthink so she’s no longer a “trans icon” or whatever

Didn’t she run someone over once

Aye and her victim died. She got away with it. 


I knew somebody would bring that up but that was before the transition and thus clearly not the reason people are turning on her now.


She doesn’t support gay marriage, i thought that was the main one 

I heard about the car thing but not the marriage one. I thought it was because she said if you don’t ‘fully transition’, which costs thousands and thousands of dollars, that you weren’t really trans.


Oh yeah i heard that one too. Either way there are plenty of reasons not to like her no matter your political affiliation 


Why should it matter if the car thing was pre or post transition? It’s still horrible and a reason not to like her.

BuT iTs NoT tHe ReAsOn ThEy DoN’t LiKe HeR. That’s why it matters that it was Pre-transition. My point of this was not “I like Caitlyn Jenner“ it’s that the people who kissed her ass did so in spite of the accident and only stopped kissing her ass when she revealed right-leaning politics. That’s literally it.UPDATE: I change “hit-and-run“ to “accident“ because I’m pretty sure it was proven that it was in fact an accident and she wasn’t texting at the time.

talesandthoughtsfromreality: such-justice-wow: etheartist26: such-justice-wow: libertarirynn: fiftiesdoll: the-at-symbol: liberta...