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Being Alone, Boner, and Do a Barrel Roll: People Can't Handle The Way Morrissey Describes A Boner In His Novel A bulbous salutation to you all. posted on Sept. 24, 2015, at 9:52 a.m Alan White BuzzFeed News Reporter, UK So, during a sex scene in Morrissey's recently published novel List of the Lost, this happens. Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza's body except for the otherwise central zone." 03 thebibliosphere: doebarnes: mugsandpugs: jottingprosaist: shredsandpatches: hedwig-dordt: naznomad: martingoresangst: Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex. DO A BARREL ROLL #in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey?? Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS??? … guys ….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this?“HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.” … I mean. Comparatively… Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts. So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better. @goddessemily   was it this post?
Being Alone, Boner, and Do a Barrel Roll: People Can't Handle The
 Way Morrissey Describes A
 Boner In His Novel
 A bulbous salutation to you all.
 posted on Sept. 24, 2015, at 9:52 a.m
 Alan White
 BuzzFeed News Reporter, UK
 So, during a sex scene in Morrissey's
 recently published novel List of the
 Lost, this happens.
 Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's
 howling mouth and the pained frenzy of
 his bulbous salutation extenuating his
 excitement as it smacked its way into
 every muscle of Eliza's body except for
 the otherwise central zone."
 03
thebibliosphere:

doebarnes:

mugsandpugs:

jottingprosaist:

shredsandpatches:

hedwig-dordt:

naznomad:

martingoresangst:

Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month

this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life

You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex.

DO A BARREL ROLL



#in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey??


Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS???

… guys
….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this?“HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.”
… I mean. Comparatively…

Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts.

So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better.


@goddessemily   was it this post?

thebibliosphere: doebarnes: mugsandpugs: jottingprosaist: shredsandpatches: hedwig-dordt: naznomad: martingoresangst: Thats the weir...

Girls, Life, and Love: Jane Austen more more likely to have had sex with a woman than a man, says historian 'People often long to know if the eternal spinster Jane Austen ever had sex with a man. The answer is almost certainly not,' says Lucy Worsley The idea that Charlotte Brontë, the apparent goddess of hetero- sexual romance, was in love with a woman for most of her life, in a way that would today be described as lesbian, might come as a shock, yet it is not entirely new. Most notably, E.F. Benson in his biography of Charlotte Brontë, written in 1932, described her relationship with Ellen Nussey as 'an emotional thread that for years was the vividest colour in Charlotte's life'. More directly, he assessed it as 'one of those violent homosexual attachments' and found it 'reasonable to conclude that for a considerable period of her life, her emotional reactions were towards women rather than men'. Even earlier, Vita Sackville- West, a lesbian herself, who kept a photograph of Charlotte Brontë on her desk, wrote in her Journal that the letters of Charlotte to Ellen were 'love-letters pure and simple' and left little doubt in one's mind as to what Charlotte's tendencies really were'2 Ernest Raymond in his book In the Steps of the Brontes (1948) described Charlotte's feelings for Ellen as 'a hot In Little Women, Alcott based her heroine "Jo" on herself. But whereas Jo marries at the end of the story, Alcott remained single throughout her life. She explained her "spinsterhood" in an interview with Louise Chandler Moulton, "I am more than half-persuaded that l am a man's soul put by some freak of nature into a woman's body because I have fallen in love with so many pretty girls and never once the least bit with any man." However, Alcott's romance mysong5:alright!!!!!
Girls, Life, and Love: Jane Austen more more likely to
 have had sex with a woman than a
 man, says historian
 'People often long to know if the eternal spinster Jane
 Austen ever had sex with a man. The answer is almost
 certainly not,' says Lucy Worsley

 The idea that Charlotte Brontë, the apparent goddess of hetero-
 sexual romance, was in love with a woman for most of her life, in
 a way that would today be described as lesbian, might come as a
 shock, yet it is not entirely new. Most notably, E.F. Benson in
 his biography of Charlotte Brontë, written in 1932, described
 her relationship with Ellen Nussey as 'an emotional thread that
 for years was the vividest colour in Charlotte's life'. More
 directly, he assessed it as 'one of those violent homosexual
 attachments' and found it 'reasonable to conclude that for a
 considerable period of her life, her emotional reactions were
 towards women rather than men'. Even earlier, Vita Sackville-
 West, a lesbian herself, who kept a photograph of Charlotte
 Brontë on her desk, wrote in her Journal that the letters of
 Charlotte to Ellen were 'love-letters pure and simple' and left
 little doubt in one's mind as to what Charlotte's tendencies
 really were'2 Ernest Raymond in his book In the Steps of the
 Brontes (1948) described Charlotte's feelings for Ellen as 'a hot

 In Little Women, Alcott based her
 heroine "Jo" on herself. But whereas Jo
 marries at the end of the story, Alcott
 remained single throughout her life. She
 explained her "spinsterhood" in an
 interview with Louise Chandler Moulton,
 "I am more than half-persuaded that l
 am a man's soul put by some freak of
 nature into a woman's body because
 I have fallen in love with so many pretty
 girls and never once the least bit with
 any man." However, Alcott's romance
mysong5:alright!!!!!

mysong5:alright!!!!!

Children, Christmas, and Cute: BBQ not n ORGY 61 Online now 7 miles away BBQ not n ORGY 61 Online now 1 7 miles away 5th annual 4th of July BBQ June 30th from1 until ? Why do 90% of u think this is an orgy? t's not t's open to all Is it because I'm on this app? I try to invite all types of people men, women, gay, bi, str8, trans doesn't matter to me. Height Weight Ethnicity Body Type 6'0" 240 lbs White Stocky Gender Man BBQ not n ORGY 7 miles away Sun, Jun 17 Hey 2:47 PM Today I'm having my annual BBQ June 30th from 1pm until? slow cook pig, chicken wings, hamburgers, fish and vegetarian meals. No cost just bring your own booze. Sodas, tea, water is provided. Please feel free to bring ur wife, partner or just a date. This party is open to men, women, families. Gay, str8, bi, and the unknown. 3:48 PM Say something i-care-to-live: culdeefell: lumbaghini: consultingdoctorwholock: loki-against-onision: libertarirynn: keyhollow: klubbhead: gaypussyretard: panzerkampfwagentigerrausfb: libertybill: cecaeliawitch: radical-f: girlsmoonsandstars: kittyit: darren-fucking-chriss: verysiriusly: legendarylangst: mnemophile: gonefashion: psyducked: heterophobiac: This is the most bizarre yet pure thing I’ve ever encountered on grindr Are you going? these guys went and said it was wholesome and fun! and look what he said https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliareinstein/grindr-bbq-not-orgy?utm_term=.ur27oKlpv#.yfXpzGdkZ update: he had a thanksgiving dinner and is having a christmas dinner in case y’all missed out on the bbq!! lgb-bq :’) The guy is a registered sex offender. Kidnapping of a minor and sexual assault. http://sexoffender.ncsbi.gov/details.aspx?SRN=011019S7 a serial child rapist trying to get “families” to attend his bbq. jesus christ god damn it it was literally shady from the fact that he posted it to Grindr like of course he was trying to reach a specific audience no wonder his family doesn’t talk to him Holy fuck i used to really like this post, thought it was cute. shame. Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan Well this took an unpleasant turn since the last time I saw it No worries @loki-against-onision , I got one Ok, so, I researched this. I read his court files. What this guy did was he let two young couples who wanted to have sex away from their parents’ eyes into his house. Here’s a “statement of the facts” from an appeal after he was convicted: “Fourteen-year-old Stephanie was dating 18 year-old Timothy Cutshall; fifteen-year-old Rachelle was dating 23 year-old Chris Hall.  On the night in question, Hall and Cutshall asked the defendant to let them use his house for a liaison with the girls. The girls lied to their parents about where they were going, went to the defendant’s house, and had sex with Cutshall and Hall; the defendant never had sex with either girl. “The evidence was in conflict as to whether the defendant knew that the girls were underage.  There was no evidence that he knew they were younger enough than the men to render their otherwise consensual intercourse statutory rape.  Finally, there was no evidence that he knew that the girls did not have their parents’ permission to go to his house. Nonetheless, the defendant was convicted of aiding and abetting statutory rape, second degree kidnapping, and taking indecent liberties with children.” The person who shared his sex offender registry completely made up the “sexual assault” charge, and “kidnapping” didn’t sit right with me, so I looked into it. What actually happened was complicated. What it looks like to me is this dude, possibly under the influence of the alcohol he said ruined his life, made a stupid decision to trust these kids and had some creative prosecutors throw the book at him in every way they could think of. Wow that’s way worse. BBQ man is un-canceled. Let’s try and give him some happiness, he’s had shit luck. can we acknowledge how important CONTEXT is when we are “exposing” peoples lives, past, and especially convictions? thanks.
Children, Christmas, and Cute: BBQ not n ORGY 61
 Online now
 7 miles away

 BBQ not n ORGY 61
 Online now
 1 7 miles away
 5th annual 4th of July BBQ June 30th from1
 until ? Why do 90% of u think this is an orgy?
 t's not t's open to all Is it because I'm on this
 app? I try to invite all types of people men,
 women, gay, bi, str8, trans doesn't matter to
 me.
 Height
 Weight
 Ethnicity
 Body Type
 6'0"
 240 lbs
 White
 Stocky
 Gender
 Man

 BBQ not n ORGY
 7 miles away
 Sun, Jun 17
 Hey
 2:47 PM
 Today
 I'm having my annual BBQ June 30th
 from 1pm until? slow cook pig,
 chicken wings, hamburgers, fish and
 vegetarian meals. No cost just bring
 your own booze. Sodas, tea, water is
 provided. Please feel free to bring ur
 wife, partner or just a date. This
 party is open to men, women,
 families. Gay, str8, bi, and the
 unknown.
 3:48 PM
 Say something
i-care-to-live:
culdeefell:

lumbaghini:


consultingdoctorwholock:


loki-against-onision:


libertarirynn:


keyhollow:


klubbhead:

gaypussyretard:

panzerkampfwagentigerrausfb:

libertybill:

cecaeliawitch:


radical-f:

girlsmoonsandstars:


kittyit:


darren-fucking-chriss:

verysiriusly:


legendarylangst:


mnemophile:

gonefashion:

psyducked:

heterophobiac:
This is the most bizarre yet pure thing I’ve ever encountered on grindr

Are you going?

these guys went and said it was wholesome and fun!
and look what he said
https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliareinstein/grindr-bbq-not-orgy?utm_term=.ur27oKlpv#.yfXpzGdkZ

update:
he had a thanksgiving dinner and is having a christmas dinner in case y’all missed out on the bbq!!


lgb-bq :’)


The guy is a registered sex offender. Kidnapping of a minor and sexual assault.


http://sexoffender.ncsbi.gov/details.aspx?SRN=011019S7

a serial child rapist trying to get “families” to attend his bbq. jesus christ


god damn it 


it was literally shady from the fact that he posted it to Grindr like of course he was trying to reach a specific audience 


no wonder his family doesn’t talk to him


Holy fuck 

i used to really like this post, thought it was cute. shame.




Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan




Well this took an unpleasant turn since the last time I saw it




No worries @loki-against-onision , I got one


Ok, so, I researched this. I read his court files.
What this guy did was he let two young couples who wanted to have sex away from their parents’ eyes into his house. Here’s a “statement of the facts” from an appeal after he was convicted:
“Fourteen-year-old Stephanie was dating 18 year-old Timothy Cutshall; fifteen-year-old Rachelle was dating 23 year-old Chris Hall.  On the night in question, Hall and Cutshall asked the defendant to let them use his house for a liaison with the girls. The girls lied to their parents about where they were going, went to the defendant’s house, and had sex with Cutshall and Hall; the defendant never had sex with either girl.
“The evidence was in conflict as to whether the defendant knew that the girls were underage.  There was no evidence that he knew they were younger enough than the men to render their otherwise consensual intercourse statutory rape.  Finally, there was no evidence that he knew that the girls did not have their parents’ permission to go to his house. Nonetheless, the defendant was convicted of aiding and abetting statutory rape, second degree kidnapping, and taking indecent liberties with children.”
The person who shared his sex offender registry completely made up the “sexual assault” charge, and “kidnapping” didn’t sit right with me, so I looked into it. What actually happened was complicated. What it looks like to me is this dude, possibly under the influence of the alcohol he said ruined his life, made a stupid decision to trust these kids and had some creative prosecutors throw the book at him in every way they could think of.


Wow that’s way worse.
BBQ man is un-canceled. Let’s try and give him some happiness, he’s had shit luck. 


can we acknowledge how important CONTEXT is when we are “exposing” peoples lives, past, and especially convictions? thanks.

i-care-to-live: culdeefell: lumbaghini: consultingdoctorwholock: loki-against-onision: libertarirynn: keyhollow: klubbhead: gayp...