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Dating, Fire, and Head: The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook DATING & SEX By David Borgenicht, Joshua Piven, and Ben H. Winters HOW TO SURVIVE IF YOU HAVE EXCESSIVE GAS 1 Limit your lactose intake during the date Many people suffer from an inability to digest milk sugar, or lactose. Colon bacteria ferment the milk sugar, forming a gas that creates a bloated feeling Keep your intake to less than half a cup at a sitting, and avoid dairy products before your date 2Eat a small meal. Eating a huge dinner on a date is a sure-fire way to precipitate gas 3Avoid gas-forming foods. Bacteria ferment the indigestible carbohydrates in beans, broccoli, cabbage, and other vegetables and fruits into gases 4 Drink peppermint tea. Replace an after-dinner drink with a cup or two of peppermint tea. This herb may give you some relief from the gas discomfort that follows a meal. 5 Emit the gas in private. As a last resort, head to the bathroom. If you feel bloated but are unable to pass gas easily, you can facili- tate the emission of gas as follows Kneel on the floor, bend forward, and stretch your arms out in front of you. Keep your buttocks bigh in the air, forming a tri- angle with your upper body and the floor Place paper towels on the floor. Kneel on the towels, bend forward to the floor, and stretch your arms out in front of you. Keep your buttocks high in the air, form- ing a triangle with your upper body and the floor. This position will force out the unwanted gas and relieve the pressure. novelty-gift-ideas: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating Sex
Dating, Fire, and Head: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 DATING & SEX
 By David Borgenicht, Joshua Piven,
 and Ben H. Winters

 HOW TO SURVIVE
 IF YOU HAVE
 EXCESSIVE GAS
 1 Limit your lactose intake during the date
 Many people suffer from an inability to digest milk
 sugar, or lactose. Colon bacteria ferment the milk
 sugar, forming a gas that creates a bloated feeling
 Keep your intake to less than half a cup at a sitting,
 and avoid dairy products before your date
 2Eat a small meal.
 Eating a huge dinner on a date is a sure-fire way to
 precipitate gas
 3Avoid gas-forming foods.
 Bacteria ferment the indigestible carbohydrates in
 beans, broccoli, cabbage, and other vegetables and
 fruits into gases
 4
 Drink peppermint tea.
 Replace an after-dinner drink with a cup or two of
 peppermint tea. This herb may give you some relief
 from the gas discomfort that follows a meal.
 5
 Emit the gas in private.
 As a last resort, head to the bathroom. If you feel
 bloated but are unable to pass gas easily, you can facili-
 tate the emission of gas as follows

 Kneel on the floor, bend forward, and stretch your arms out in
 front of you. Keep your buttocks bigh in the air, forming a tri-
 angle with your upper body and the floor
 Place paper towels on the floor. Kneel on the towels,
 bend forward to the floor, and stretch your arms out in
 front of you. Keep your buttocks high in the air, form-
 ing a triangle with your upper body and the floor. This
 position will force out the unwanted gas and relieve
 the pressure.
novelty-gift-ideas:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating  Sex

novelty-gift-ideas: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating Sex

Dating, Fire, and Head: The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook DATING & SEX By David Borgenicht, Joshua Piven, and Ben H. Winters HOW TO SURVIVE IF YOU HAVE EXCESSIVE GAS 1 Limit your lactose intake during the date Many people suffer from an inability to digest milk sugar, or lactose. Colon bacteria ferment the milk sugar, forming a gas that creates a bloated feeling Keep your intake to less than half a cup at a sitting, and avoid dairy products before your date 2Eat a small meal. Eating a huge dinner on a date is a sure-fire way to precipitate gas 3Avoid gas-forming foods. Bacteria ferment the indigestible carbohydrates in beans, broccoli, cabbage, and other vegetables and fruits into gases 4 Drink peppermint tea. Replace an after-dinner drink with a cup or two of peppermint tea. This herb may give you some relief from the gas discomfort that follows a meal. 5 Emit the gas in private. As a last resort, head to the bathroom. If you feel bloated but are unable to pass gas easily, you can facili- tate the emission of gas as follows Kneel on the floor, bend forward, and stretch your arms out in front of you. Keep your buttocks bigh in the air, forming a tri- angle with your upper body and the floor Place paper towels on the floor. Kneel on the towels, bend forward to the floor, and stretch your arms out in front of you. Keep your buttocks high in the air, form- ing a triangle with your upper body and the floor. This position will force out the unwanted gas and relieve the pressure. novelty-gift-ideas: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating Sex
Dating, Fire, and Head: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 DATING & SEX
 By David Borgenicht, Joshua Piven,
 and Ben H. Winters

 HOW TO SURVIVE
 IF YOU HAVE
 EXCESSIVE GAS
 1 Limit your lactose intake during the date
 Many people suffer from an inability to digest milk
 sugar, or lactose. Colon bacteria ferment the milk
 sugar, forming a gas that creates a bloated feeling
 Keep your intake to less than half a cup at a sitting,
 and avoid dairy products before your date
 2Eat a small meal.
 Eating a huge dinner on a date is a sure-fire way to
 precipitate gas
 3Avoid gas-forming foods.
 Bacteria ferment the indigestible carbohydrates in
 beans, broccoli, cabbage, and other vegetables and
 fruits into gases
 4
 Drink peppermint tea.
 Replace an after-dinner drink with a cup or two of
 peppermint tea. This herb may give you some relief
 from the gas discomfort that follows a meal.
 5
 Emit the gas in private.
 As a last resort, head to the bathroom. If you feel
 bloated but are unable to pass gas easily, you can facili-
 tate the emission of gas as follows

 Kneel on the floor, bend forward, and stretch your arms out in
 front of you. Keep your buttocks bigh in the air, forming a tri-
 angle with your upper body and the floor
 Place paper towels on the floor. Kneel on the towels,
 bend forward to the floor, and stretch your arms out in
 front of you. Keep your buttocks high in the air, form-
 ing a triangle with your upper body and the floor. This
 position will force out the unwanted gas and relieve
 the pressure.
novelty-gift-ideas:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating  Sex

novelty-gift-ideas: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating Sex

Church, Fire, and Internet: DISORDERLY Oct. 1 - A group of students playing hide and seek in the Harris Fine Arts Center at 11 p.m. caused a faculty member to call the University Police. The police arrived but were not able to find any of the students. deadmomjokes: owl-librarian: #you just made it a higher stakes game of hide and seek Having gone to this University, and having personally played hide and seek in the Harris Fine Arts Center, I guarantee you that NOBODY finds hiders unless they, too, are familiar with the bowels of the HFAC. Once you get down to the practice-room levels, time stops completely and you could walk up the back stair and end up in 1967. The halls change at least 8 times an hour, there’s no way you’re getting back out the same way you came in. When the lights start going off at 10 the whole bottom 3 floors descend into some subsection of the fey realm. I once hid up on the balcony stage access fire-escape thing of a lower-level theater, and 3 faculty walked by under me and not a one of them noticed the hulking, wheezing asthmatic lurking above them, half dangling off a rickety metal ladder that probably wasn’t supposed to be climbed. A fellow hider friend came and found me, and we sat up there for 30 minutes listening to some distant clicking sound before we realized nobody was actually going to find us. We had no cell service, and no internet to reach anyone. We got lost trying to get back out, and once we resurfaced, everyone else was gone, the building was empty, and we just went home to eat ice cream. Nobody knew where we had disappeared to, and nobody bothered to check if we were there before leaving. For all I know, they just assumed we had been lost to the gaping maw of the HFAC basement and when they saw us at church on Sunday it was probably like they’d seen a ghost. None of us ever mentioned it again. Basically what I’m saying is Campus Police had no hope of finding them in the first place and probably lost an officer or two if they actually conducted a real search, because nobody except Senior art majors or veteran custodians actually knows how to navigate that building and make it out in the same dimension they entered from. Not at 11pm anyway.
Church, Fire, and Internet: DISORDERLY
 Oct. 1 - A group of students
 playing hide and seek in the
 Harris Fine Arts Center at 11
 p.m. caused a faculty member
 to call the University Police.
 The police arrived but were
 not able to find any of the
 students.
deadmomjokes:
owl-librarian:
#you just made it a higher stakes game of hide and seek
Having gone to this University, and having personally played hide and seek in the Harris Fine Arts Center, I guarantee you that NOBODY finds hiders unless they, too, are familiar with the bowels of the HFAC. Once you get down to the practice-room levels, time stops completely and you could walk up the back stair and end up in 1967. The halls change at least 8 times an hour, there’s no way you’re getting back out the same way you came in. When the lights start going off at 10 the whole bottom 3 floors descend into some subsection of the fey realm. I once hid up on the balcony stage access fire-escape thing of a lower-level theater, and 3 faculty walked by under me and not a one of them noticed the hulking, wheezing asthmatic lurking above them, half dangling off a rickety metal ladder that probably wasn’t supposed to be climbed. A fellow hider friend came and found me, and we sat up there for 30 minutes listening to some distant clicking sound before we realized nobody was actually going to find us. We had no cell service, and no internet to reach anyone. We got lost trying to get back out, and once we resurfaced, everyone else was gone, the building was empty, and we just went home to eat ice cream. Nobody knew where we had disappeared to, and nobody bothered to check if we were there before leaving. For all I know, they just assumed we had been lost to the gaping maw of the HFAC basement and when they saw us at church on Sunday it was probably like they’d seen a ghost. None of us ever mentioned it again.
Basically what I’m saying is Campus Police had no hope of finding them in the first place and probably lost an officer or two if they actually conducted a real search, because nobody except Senior art majors or veteran custodians actually knows how to navigate that building and make it out in the same dimension they entered from. Not at 11pm anyway.

deadmomjokes: owl-librarian: #you just made it a higher stakes game of hide and seek Having gone to this University, and having personally p...

Best Friend, Confused, and Dad: MAMMA, EVER SINCE I SAlV I'M ITALIAN, EVERYONE KEEP4 TEA IN ME AND AGKING IF I'M IN THE MAFIA NEXT TIME TELL THEM THEN THEY WILL FEAK YOU. 2srooky: giancarlovolpe: Based on a true story. this reminds me of a story that’s kind of an ongoing joke in my family.  I’m half German, and my father’s side of the family is full blooded German. My father owns a business that deals with a lot of international calls, and during my early tween years he got a lot of business calls at all hours of the day and night from all over the world.  Now, when i first met my best friends, I had them sleeping over at my house, and we were watching TV. Every few minutes the phone would ring, and our caller ID would project at the top of the television screen.  I was bullied a lot as a kid, so my dad told me to tell people if they asked what my father did, that he was in the German Mafia. So, naturally when my friends asked who was calling, I made the joke it was business cause my dad was in the German Mafia, and the joke stuck.  And it spread, too. Middle school was filled with jokes about my family and the mafia, but they were just jokes. That I was in the mafia, my dad was a mafia boss, etc. etc. Those jokes continued into high school, where, in my junior year I was in a big depressive spell. I wore my hair tied back from my face a lot, and in my history class, these jokes were cracked a little more often as we began our European Studies. One day, my History teacher, the most amazing teacher I had in high school, walked between me and my best friend, as our desks were right next to each other, while we had been making one of these jokes.  He paused, and reached out, tapping my right temple twice while a huge, cheeky grin spread on his face and he just went.  “Good to see you finished your induction.” and walked away. I was confused, my best friend and I were staring at each other for a solid ten minutes before we got back to work.  When I went home that night, I looked up a bunch of stuff about the German Mafia. The German Mafia would often do a tattoo of 3 dots on someone once they had finished their “trials” and were accepted. This was most often done in cases of murder, and other crimes. Where the tattoos were placed meant different things. Hands were the norm, but sometimes a tattoo would be placed on the face.  These tattoos are now mostly outdated, and are usually just prison tattoos done for years/crimes committed in prison, but some branches of Russian, Cuban, and German mafias still use the three dot tattoos.  I was flabbergasted for two reasons. One, that my teacher knew all of this about the German mafia, and, Two, that he pointed out the three freckles on my temple that make a perfect triangle.  For the rest of my Junior and Senior year, the mafia jokes dwindled less and less, because people actually believed I was in the mafia.  I never told them I wasn’t, either.
Best Friend, Confused, and Dad: MAMMA, EVER SINCE
 I SAlV I'M ITALIAN,
 EVERYONE KEEP4
 TEA IN ME AND
 AGKING IF I'M IN THE
 MAFIA

 NEXT TIME
 TELL THEM

 THEN THEY
 WILL FEAK
 YOU.
2srooky:

giancarlovolpe:

Based on a true story.

this reminds me of a story that’s kind of an ongoing joke in my family. 
I’m half German, and my father’s side of the family is full blooded German. My father owns a business that deals with a lot of international calls, and during my early tween years he got a lot of business calls at all hours of the day and night from all over the world. 
Now, when i first met my best friends, I had them sleeping over at my house, and we were watching TV. Every few minutes the phone would ring, and our caller ID would project at the top of the television screen. 
I was bullied a lot as a kid, so my dad told me to tell people if they asked what my father did, that he was in the German Mafia.
So, naturally when my friends asked who was calling, I made the joke it was business cause my dad was in the German Mafia, and the joke stuck. 
And it spread, too. Middle school was filled with jokes about my family and the mafia, but they were just jokes. That I was in the mafia, my dad was a mafia boss, etc. etc.
Those jokes continued into high school, where, in my junior year I was in a big depressive spell. I wore my hair tied back from my face a lot, and in my history class, these jokes were cracked a little more often as we began our European Studies. One day, my History teacher, the most amazing teacher I had in high school, walked between me and my best friend, as our desks were right next to each other, while we had been making one of these jokes. 
He paused, and reached out, tapping my right temple twice while a huge, cheeky grin spread on his face and he just went. 
“Good to see you finished your induction.” and walked away.
I was confused, my best friend and I were staring at each other for a solid ten minutes before we got back to work. 
When I went home that night, I looked up a bunch of stuff about the German Mafia. The German Mafia would often do a tattoo of 3 dots on someone once they had finished their “trials” and were accepted. This was most often done in cases of murder, and other crimes. Where the tattoos were placed meant different things. Hands were the norm, but sometimes a tattoo would be placed on the face. 
These tattoos are now mostly outdated, and are usually just prison tattoos done for years/crimes committed in prison, but some branches of Russian, Cuban, and German mafias still use the three dot tattoos. 
I was flabbergasted for two reasons. One, that my teacher knew all of this about the German mafia, and, Two, that he pointed out the three freckles on my temple that make a perfect triangle. 
For the rest of my Junior and Senior year, the mafia jokes dwindled less and less, because people actually believed I was in the mafia. 
I never told them I wasn’t, either.

2srooky: giancarlovolpe: Based on a true story. this reminds me of a story that’s kind of an ongoing joke in my family.  I’m half German,...

Bad, Community, and Crying: Emergency Jaw Sugery Fund Be the first to share Tweet Share thats-tea: thats-tea: Everyone, a woman came to us on twitter to ask for help. We’ve seen her speak about her pain in the past few months of being on twitter. We told her to create a GoFundMe so the community could help and she was nervous to. If you could help her it would mean a lot, and would help her through something she’s been going through for a long time. Here’s her post: “Hello everyone! When I was born my jaw was significantly smaller than it should normally be and my mother was told by doctors that they should brake my jaw as an infant and add an implant so I wouldn’t have to worry about jaw problems in the future, my mother refused so that has what brought me to make this gofundme. I’m 21 years old and I provide for my family, I currently saved over 5,000 dollars by myself, recently I left my job for another opportunity and the other job opportunity ended up being horrible so I need this help more than ever. My jaw/teeth situation has gotten worse and worse in past months as my teeth are growing into my gums and it has effected my sleep and mental health, it’s gotten to the point where I get very bad lock jaw and can barley speak.The surgery itself is 7,600 dollars and in total with the hospital room and anesthesia its 9,910, I’ve already saved half of that. Please help if you can, thank you so much for reading this.” GoFundMe It would mean a lot if you could donate anything you can. If you can’t that’s okay as well, you’d also be doing a lot if you shared. Thank you, and sorry for taking up your time. We’ve personally donated $900. We helped her apply for an influencer job on twitter, and it’s looking like they’re going to accept her, so she’s scared to put her image there or would make the post directly on twitter. She’s nervous it might hurt her in getting the job, since she’s been out of a job for awhile, and she’s afraid if she misses this chance she’d continue being out of a job for a long time. We’ve been helping her get a new job because of the conditions she’s in She’s extremely scared she’ll lose the opportunity if she’s seen by those checking her accounts that she’d lose this opportunity, and we tried to convince her. Normally when people come to us and report they’re going through something, we pay their costs directly. Including rent, food, cellphone/electricity bills, among other things. So we’re constantly spending high hundreds to thousands a week/month. When it comes to situations when the person needs thousands, we can’t/don’t give directly thousands to one person, it prevents us from helping the others who comes to us for help with the money we set aside to help people. Normally take over a person’s problem by paying monthly if possible, if they could make that plan. we had her create this gofundme specifically because she was crying about jaw pain. If this doesn’t work, next month we’ll have money aside to pay for it completely. We had her make this GoFundMe specifically because physical pain was involved. If it doesn’t work here on tumblr, I’ll try and force her to have the post made on twitter/facebook since this is a matter of pain.  We’ve also been helping with her living conditions which we’ll keep private. If she insists, next month we’ll set enough aside to personally pay her entire thing and ask her to just bear through it for this month. Though we never make these posts, In the coming future we’ll be able to do even more for people and our budget limits will rise even more so we won’t ever have to ask the public. It’s only because it’s a current matter of physical pain, it would mean a lot if you can donate anything. 
Bad, Community, and Crying: Emergency Jaw Sugery Fund
 Be the first to share
 Tweet
 Share
thats-tea:
thats-tea:

Everyone, a woman came to us on twitter to ask for help. We’ve seen her speak about her pain in the past few months of being on twitter. We told her to create a GoFundMe so the community could help and she was nervous to. If you could help her it would mean a lot, and would help her through something she’s been going through for a long time.
Here’s her post:
“Hello everyone! When I was born my jaw was significantly smaller than it should normally be and my mother was told by doctors that they should brake my jaw as an infant and add an implant so I wouldn’t have to worry about jaw problems in the future, my mother refused so that has what brought me to make this gofundme. I’m 21 years old and I provide for my family, I currently saved over 5,000 dollars by myself, recently I left my job for another opportunity and the other job opportunity ended up being horrible so I need this help more than ever. My jaw/teeth situation has gotten worse and worse in past months as my teeth are growing into my gums and it has effected my sleep and mental health, it’s gotten to the point where I get very bad lock jaw and can barley speak.The surgery itself is 7,600 dollars and in total with the hospital room and anesthesia its 9,910, I’ve already saved half of that.
Please help if you can, thank you so much for reading this.”
GoFundMe
It would mean a lot if you could donate anything you can. If you can’t that’s okay as well, you’d also be doing a lot if you shared. Thank you, and sorry for taking up your time.

We’ve personally donated $900. We helped her apply for an influencer job on twitter, and it’s looking like they’re going to accept her, so she’s scared to put her image there or would make the post directly on twitter. She’s nervous it might hurt her in getting the job, since she’s been out of a job for awhile, and she’s afraid if she misses this chance she’d continue being out of a job for a long time. We’ve been helping her get a new job because of the conditions she’s in
She’s extremely scared she’ll lose the opportunity if she’s seen by those checking her accounts that she’d lose this opportunity, and we tried to convince her.
Normally when people come to us and report they’re going through something, we pay their costs directly. Including rent, food, cellphone/electricity bills, among other things. So we’re constantly spending high hundreds to thousands a week/month. When it comes to situations when the person needs thousands, we can’t/don’t give directly thousands to one person, it prevents us from helping the others who comes to us for help with the money we set aside to help people. Normally take over a person’s problem by paying monthly if possible, if they could make that plan. we had her create this gofundme specifically because she was crying about jaw pain. If this doesn’t work, next month we’ll have money aside to pay for it completely. We had her make this GoFundMe specifically because physical pain was involved. If it doesn’t work here on tumblr, I’ll try and force her to have the post made on twitter/facebook since this is a matter of pain. 

We’ve also been helping with her living conditions which we’ll keep private.

 If she insists, next month we’ll set enough aside to personally pay her entire thing and ask her to just bear through it for this month.
Though we never make these posts, In the coming future we’ll be able to do even more for people and our budget limits will rise even more so we won’t ever have to ask the public. It’s only because it’s a current matter of physical pain, it would mean a lot if you can donate anything. 

thats-tea: thats-tea: Everyone, a woman came to us on twitter to ask for help. We’ve seen her speak about her pain in the past few months o...