🔥 | Latest

Animals, Bad, and Dude: Mallory Ortberg Follow @mallelis one of these days everything you've ever called your "spirit animal" is going to show up and it's going to make you go on a fucking quest 2:10 PM 22 Oct 2013 Mallory Ortberg @mallelis Follow and it's going to be awful. It will last for MONTHS and you will be d hallucinate and you will hate it. 2:11 PM 22 Oct 2013 and exhausted and you will Mallory Ortberg @mallelis Follow "Sorry," the GIF of a Rupaul's Drag Race contestant/6os-era Joan Didion/whatever the fuck else will say. "You asked. This is how it works." 2:11 PM 22 Oct 2013 Mallory Ortberg Follow @mallelis "Please," you'll beg, covered in ram's blood. "I don't want to learn any more spells. I don't want this." TOO BAD YOUR SPIRIT ANIMAL IS HERE 2:12 PM- 22 Oct 2013 Mallory Ortberg Follow @mallelis And it won't stop there, because you've never just called ONE THING your spirit animal and left it at that.They all want a turn 2:13 PM - 22 Oct 2013 Mallory Ortberg У Follow @mallelis You will perch atop a waterfall in a murmuring cave in the cold heart of a witch mountain for a thousand vears until you can talk to birds 2:13 PM - 22 Oct 2013 Mallory Ortberg @mallelis Follow fuck that last part sounds cool scratch that 2:13 PM - 22 Oct 2013 Mallory Ortberg @mallelis Follow "Stop hitting yourself," the ghost of Gore Vidal will say. "You asked for a spirit animal. Isn't this what you wanted?" Everything hurts 2:18 PM - 22 Oct 2013 Mallory Ortberg @mallelis У Follow "No, I--I just sort of meant that I thought you were cool," you whisper That's not at all what spirit animals are," the darkness replie 2:21 PM - 22 Oct 2013 Osutein @osutein @mallelis Oof, kinda regretting watching Shame last night & calling Michael Fassbender's penis my spirit animal. 2h Follow @mallelis ibait躙bUU y fue: kj tng g沁萄1(劜(guesi @osutein h a wes fum gn dude 2:21 PM -22 Oct 2013 <p><a href="http://upthewitchypunx.tumblr.com/post/64877500126/i-come-by-it-honestly-mallory-orberg-on-fire-on" class="tumblr_blog">upthewitchypunx</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://i-come-by-it-honestly.tumblr.com/post/64754525123/mallory-orberg-on-fire-on-twitter-today-as">i-come-by-it-honestly</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://twitter.com/mallelis">Mallory Orberg</a> on fire on twitter today (as usual).</p> </blockquote> <p>lulz</p> </blockquote>
Animals, Bad, and Dude: Mallory Ortberg
 Follow
 @mallelis
 one of these days everything you've ever called your
 "spirit animal" is going to show up and it's going to
 make you go on a fucking quest
 2:10 PM 22 Oct 2013
 Mallory Ortberg
 @mallelis
 Follow
 and it's going to be awful. It will last for MONTHS
 and you will be d
 hallucinate and you will hate it.
 2:11 PM 22 Oct 2013
 and exhausted and you will
 Mallory Ortberg
 @mallelis
 Follow
 "Sorry," the GIF of a Rupaul's Drag Race
 contestant/6os-era Joan Didion/whatever the fuck
 else will say. "You asked. This is how it works."
 2:11 PM 22 Oct 2013
 Mallory Ortberg
 Follow
 @mallelis
 "Please," you'll beg, covered in ram's blood. "I don't
 want to learn any more spells. I don't want this."
 TOO BAD YOUR SPIRIT ANIMAL IS HERE
 2:12 PM- 22 Oct 2013

 Mallory Ortberg
 Follow
 @mallelis
 And it won't stop there, because you've never just
 called ONE THING your spirit animal and left it at
 that.They all want a turn
 2:13 PM - 22 Oct 2013
 Mallory Ortberg
 У Follow
 @mallelis
 You will perch atop a waterfall in a murmuring cave
 in the cold heart of a witch mountain for a thousand
 vears until you can talk to birds
 2:13 PM - 22 Oct 2013
 Mallory Ortberg
 @mallelis
 Follow
 fuck that last part sounds cool scratch that
 2:13 PM - 22 Oct 2013
 Mallory Ortberg
 @mallelis
 Follow
 "Stop hitting yourself," the ghost of Gore Vidal will
 say. "You asked for a spirit animal. Isn't this what
 you wanted?" Everything hurts
 2:18 PM - 22 Oct 2013
 Mallory Ortberg
 @mallelis
 У Follow
 "No, I--I just sort of meant that I thought you were
 cool," you whisper
 That's not at all what spirit animals are," the
 darkness replie
 2:21 PM - 22 Oct 2013

 Osutein @osutein
 @mallelis Oof, kinda regretting watching Shame last night & calling
 Michael Fassbender's penis my spirit animal.
 2h
 Follow
 @mallelis
 ibait躙bUU y fue: kj tng g沁萄1(劜(guesi
 @osutein h a wes fum gn
 dude
 2:21 PM -22 Oct 2013
<p><a href="http://upthewitchypunx.tumblr.com/post/64877500126/i-come-by-it-honestly-mallory-orberg-on-fire-on" class="tumblr_blog">upthewitchypunx</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://i-come-by-it-honestly.tumblr.com/post/64754525123/mallory-orberg-on-fire-on-twitter-today-as">i-come-by-it-honestly</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://twitter.com/mallelis">Mallory Orberg</a> on fire on twitter today (as usual).</p>
</blockquote>
<p>lulz</p>
</blockquote>

<p><a href="http://upthewitchypunx.tumblr.com/post/64877500126/i-come-by-it-honestly-mallory-orberg-on-fire-on" class="tumblr_blog">upthewit...