๐Ÿ”ฅ | Latest

Bad, Definitely, and Doctor: We have arrived at the time and place, Captain Hunter. THANK You GIDEONW. A PLACE ON EARTH SOME YEAR OUR DATA SUGGESTS THAT THE BAD GUY IS SOMEWHERE IN THIS ERA Fortunately, it appears to be a period with an easily recognizable set of costumes. THANK YOU, GIDEON... THIS IS ALL JUST A CONTRIVED EXCUSE TO PLAY DRESS-UP, THERE HAD BETTER BE BOOZE. NOW, I REALLY MUST STRESS THE FACT THAT WE SHOULD MAKE EVERY EFFORT NOT TO BREAK TIME THAT SOUNDS EASY ENOUGHL WE'LL JUST BLEND IN AND KEEP QUIET HEY, DO YOU SUYS THINK WE SHOULD TRY TO SOLVE A LOCAL PROBLEM2 GO AHEAD. I'M GOING TO PULL A WILL RIKER WITH A RANDOM WOMAN I'LL DO SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU QUESTION MY LOYALTY. SHOULD WE JUST ASSUME THAT WE'RE DEFINITELY GOING TO BREAK TIME? THAT WOULD SEEM TO BE THE MOST LlKELY OUTCOME ONE MINOR CATASTROPHE LATER. BACK ON THE WAVERIDER. DESPITE My EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS TO AVOID DOING SO, YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY BROKEN TIME NOW THE BAD GUY HAS A DECISIVE ADVANTAGE, AND THE TIMELINE IS N INCONCEIVABLE JEOPARDY. COULDN'T WE JUST FIX THINGS BY USING OUR TIME MACHINE? NO, THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE BECAU R TIME PUT A SOCK IN IT! I'M SORRY BUT I THINK IT'S HIGH TIME THAT WE DISCUSS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM! THE ARROWVERSE WRITERS CLEARLY DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT SCIENCE OR TECHNOLOGY . . BUT WITH US, IT'S LIKE THEY'RE NOT EVEN TRYING! LETS BE HONEST WE'RE THE REJECTED SUPERHEROES, COMPLETE WITH A REJECTED DOCTOR WHO COMPANION! AND EVEN IF WE DO GET A GOOD STORY, BARRY ALLEN WILL JUST SCREW IT UP FOR EVERYONE! IF WE'RE TO BE TREATED LIKE THE GOOFIEST SHOW WITH THE LAZIEST WRITING.. 1 SAY WE JUST GO UTTERLY INSANE AND HAVE FUN WITH IT WHATEVER PARODY BY RAMSESTHEPIGEON Every episode of "Legends of Tomorrow" ever.
nsfw
Bad, Definitely, and Doctor: We have arrived
 at the time and place,
 Captain Hunter.
 THANK You
 GIDEONW.
 A PLACE ON EARTH
 SOME YEAR
 OUR DATA
 SUGGESTS THAT
 THE BAD GUY IS
 SOMEWHERE IN
 THIS ERA
 Fortunately,
 it appears to be
 a period with an easily
 recognizable set of
 costumes.
 THANK YOU,
 GIDEON...
 THIS IS ALL JUST
 A CONTRIVED EXCUSE
 TO PLAY DRESS-UP,
 THERE HAD
 BETTER BE
 BOOZE.
 NOW, I REALLY
 MUST STRESS THE FACT
 THAT WE SHOULD MAKE
 EVERY EFFORT NOT TO
 BREAK TIME
 THAT SOUNDS
 EASY ENOUGHL WE'LL
 JUST BLEND IN AND
 KEEP QUIET

 HEY, DO YOU
 SUYS THINK WE SHOULD
 TRY TO SOLVE A LOCAL
 PROBLEM2
 GO AHEAD.
 I'M GOING TO PULL
 A WILL RIKER WITH A
 RANDOM WOMAN
 I'LL DO
 SOMETHING TO MAKE
 YOU QUESTION MY
 LOYALTY.
 SHOULD WE
 JUST ASSUME THAT
 WE'RE DEFINITELY
 GOING TO BREAK
 TIME?
 THAT WOULD
 SEEM TO BE THE
 MOST LlKELY
 OUTCOME
 ONE MINOR CATASTROPHE LATER.
 BACK ON THE WAVERIDER.
 DESPITE My
 EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS
 TO AVOID DOING SO, YOU
 HAVE SUCCESSFULLY
 BROKEN TIME
 NOW THE
 BAD GUY HAS A
 DECISIVE ADVANTAGE,
 AND THE TIMELINE IS
 N INCONCEIVABLE
 JEOPARDY.

 COULDN'T WE
 JUST FIX THINGS BY
 USING OUR TIME
 MACHINE?
 NO, THAT
 WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE
 BECAU
 R TIME
 PUT A SOCK
 IN IT!
 I'M SORRY
 BUT I THINK IT'S HIGH
 TIME THAT WE DISCUSS
 THE ELEPHANT IN THE
 ROOM!
 THE ARROWVERSE
 WRITERS CLEARLY DON'T
 KNOW THE FIRST THING
 ABOUT SCIENCE OR
 TECHNOLOGY .
 . BUT WITH
 US, IT'S LIKE THEY'RE
 NOT EVEN TRYING!
 LETS BE HONEST
 WE'RE THE REJECTED
 SUPERHEROES, COMPLETE WITH A
 REJECTED DOCTOR WHO
 COMPANION!
 AND EVEN
 IF WE DO GET A GOOD
 STORY, BARRY ALLEN WILL
 JUST SCREW IT UP FOR
 EVERYONE!

 IF WE'RE
 TO BE TREATED LIKE
 THE GOOFIEST SHOW
 WITH THE LAZIEST
 WRITING..
 1 SAY WE
 JUST GO UTTERLY
 INSANE AND HAVE
 FUN WITH IT
 WHATEVER
 PARODY BY
 RAMSESTHEPIGEON
Every episode of "Legends of Tomorrow" ever.

Every episode of "Legends of Tomorrow" ever.

Memes, ๐Ÿค–, and Looking: Inconceivable! Looking for a designer std? Check out @thegingerjew_ otherwise don't follow @thegingerjew_
Memes, ๐Ÿค–, and Looking: Inconceivable!
Looking for a designer std? Check out @thegingerjew_ otherwise don't follow @thegingerjew_

Looking for a designer std? Check out @thegingerjew_ otherwise don't follow @thegingerjew_

Children, Empire, and Friends: a oh-my-jaeger I was taking photos of my grandmas cat and He got the peg!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Source: oh-mv-jaeger ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜คTalos the mighty! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ชTalos the unerring! ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏTalos the unassailable! โœŠโœŠโœŠTo you we give praise!๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™‡๐Ÿ™Œ We are but maggots, ๐Ÿ›๐Ÿ›writhing ใ€ฐin the filth ๐Ÿ‘ฃ๐Ÿ‘ฃ๐Ÿ‘ฃof our own corruption! ๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ’ฒ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿ”ชWhile you have ascended๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜‡ from the dung๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿ’ฉ of mortality, ๐Ÿ‘ฅ๐Ÿ’€and now walk among the stars!๐ŸŒ โญโœจ But you were once man!๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿ‘จ Aye!โœ…โœ”โœ… And as man, ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘ฆyou said, โ€œLet me show you the power๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช of Talos Stormcrownโšก๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ”ฑ, born of the North,๐Ÿ†™๐Ÿ”โ˜ where my breath ๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿ’จis long winter. โ„โ›„I breathe๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜ง now, in royalty,๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ’ฒand reshape this land๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒ„ which is mine. I do this for you,๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‘‰ Red Legions, for I love you๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž.โ€ Aye, love. โคโคโคLove! ๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“Even as man,๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ด great Talos cherished us. ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ขFor he saw in us, ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘in each of us,๐Ÿ‘ซ๐Ÿ‘ฌ๐Ÿ‘ญ the future of Skyrim! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘The future of Tamriel!๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘ And there it is, friends! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™The ugly truth! ๐Ÿ™€๐Ÿ™€๐Ÿ™€We are the children of man! ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿ‘ดTalos is the true god๐Ÿ˜‡โ›ช๐Ÿ’’ of man! Ascended ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ˜‡from flesh,๐Ÿ‘ƒ๐Ÿ‘ƒ๐Ÿ‘ƒ to rule the realm of spirit!๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‘ป The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿ‘ฑ overlords! ๐Ÿ‘บ๐Ÿ‘บSharing the heavens ๐ŸŒŒ๐ŸŒŒwith us? With man?๐Ÿ‘ฎ๐Ÿ‘ท๐Ÿ’‚ Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth!๐ŸŒŽ๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒ Today, they take away your faith.๐Ÿšซโ›ช๐Ÿšซ But what of tomorrow?โ‰โ‰ What then? Do the elves ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿ‘ฑtake your homes? ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ Your businesses? ๐Ÿง๐Ÿฆ๐ŸฅYour children? ๐Ÿ‘ช๐Ÿ‘ช๐Ÿ‘ชYour very lives?๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ช And what does the Empire do?๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฐ Nothing! โŒโŒโŒNay, worse than nothing! โŽโŽโŽThe Imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor!๐Ÿ™…๐Ÿ™…๐Ÿ™… Against its own people!๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜  So rise up! โ˜โ˜Rise up,๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿ‘† children๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ถ of the Empire! ๐Ÿฐ๐ŸฐRise up, ๐Ÿ†™๐Ÿ†™๐Ÿ†™Stormcloaks!๐Ÿ’งโšก Embrace the word of mighty ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ชTalos, he who is both man and Divine!๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿ‘ผ For we are the children of man!๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘ฆ And we shall inherit both the heavens๐ŸŒŒ๐ŸŒŒ๐ŸŒŒ and the earth! ๐ŸŒŽ๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒAnd we, not the Elves๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿ‘ฑ or their toadies, ๐Ÿธ๐Ÿธ๐Ÿธwill rule Skyrim! Forever!๐Ÿ’ฏโœ”๐Ÿ’ฏ Terrible and powerful Talos! ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ‘‘We, your unworthy servants,๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™ give praise! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™ŒFor only through your grace and benevolence ๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“may we truly reach enlightenment!๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘ And deserve our praise you do, ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘for we are one! ๐Ÿ‘Ere you ascended ๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ˜ and the Eight๐Ÿ•—๐Ÿ•—๐Ÿ•— became Nine, ๐Ÿ•˜๐Ÿ•˜๐Ÿ•˜you walked๐Ÿ‘ฃ๐Ÿ‘ฃ among us, great Talos, not as god โ€ขL
Children, Empire, and Friends: a oh-my-jaeger
 I was taking photos of my grandmas cat
 and He got the
 peg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Source: oh-mv-jaeger
๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜คTalos the mighty! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ชTalos the unerring! ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏTalos the unassailable! โœŠโœŠโœŠTo you we give praise!๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™‡๐Ÿ™Œ We are but maggots, ๐Ÿ›๐Ÿ›writhing ใ€ฐin the filth ๐Ÿ‘ฃ๐Ÿ‘ฃ๐Ÿ‘ฃof our own corruption! ๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ’ฒ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿ”ชWhile you have ascended๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜‡ from the dung๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿ’ฉ of mortality, ๐Ÿ‘ฅ๐Ÿ’€and now walk among the stars!๐ŸŒ โญโœจ But you were once man!๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿ‘จ Aye!โœ…โœ”โœ… And as man, ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘ฆyou said, โ€œLet me show you the power๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช of Talos Stormcrownโšก๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ”ฑ, born of the North,๐Ÿ†™๐Ÿ”โ˜ where my breath ๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿ’จis long winter. โ„โ›„I breathe๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜ง now, in royalty,๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ’ฒand reshape this land๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒ„ which is mine. I do this for you,๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‘‰ Red Legions, for I love you๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž.โ€ Aye, love. โคโคโคLove! ๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“Even as man,๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ด great Talos cherished us. ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ขFor he saw in us, ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘in each of us,๐Ÿ‘ซ๐Ÿ‘ฌ๐Ÿ‘ญ the future of Skyrim! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘The future of Tamriel!๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘ And there it is, friends! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™The ugly truth! ๐Ÿ™€๐Ÿ™€๐Ÿ™€We are the children of man! ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿ‘ดTalos is the true god๐Ÿ˜‡โ›ช๐Ÿ’’ of man! Ascended ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ˜‡from flesh,๐Ÿ‘ƒ๐Ÿ‘ƒ๐Ÿ‘ƒ to rule the realm of spirit!๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‘ป The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿ‘ฑ overlords! ๐Ÿ‘บ๐Ÿ‘บSharing the heavens ๐ŸŒŒ๐ŸŒŒwith us? With man?๐Ÿ‘ฎ๐Ÿ‘ท๐Ÿ’‚ Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth!๐ŸŒŽ๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒ Today, they take away your faith.๐Ÿšซโ›ช๐Ÿšซ But what of tomorrow?โ‰โ‰ What then? Do the elves ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿ‘ฑtake your homes? ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ Your businesses? ๐Ÿง๐Ÿฆ๐ŸฅYour children? ๐Ÿ‘ช๐Ÿ‘ช๐Ÿ‘ชYour very lives?๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ช And what does the Empire do?๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฐ Nothing! โŒโŒโŒNay, worse than nothing! โŽโŽโŽThe Imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor!๐Ÿ™…๐Ÿ™…๐Ÿ™… Against its own people!๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜  So rise up! โ˜โ˜Rise up,๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿ‘† children๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ถ of the Empire! ๐Ÿฐ๐ŸฐRise up, ๐Ÿ†™๐Ÿ†™๐Ÿ†™Stormcloaks!๐Ÿ’งโšก Embrace the word of mighty ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ชTalos, he who is both man and Divine!๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿ‘ผ For we are the children of man!๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘ฆ And we shall inherit both the heavens๐ŸŒŒ๐ŸŒŒ๐ŸŒŒ and the earth! ๐ŸŒŽ๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒAnd we, not the Elves๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿ‘ฑ or their toadies, ๐Ÿธ๐Ÿธ๐Ÿธwill rule Skyrim! Forever!๐Ÿ’ฏโœ”๐Ÿ’ฏ Terrible and powerful Talos! ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ‘‘We, your unworthy servants,๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™ give praise! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™ŒFor only through your grace and benevolence ๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“may we truly reach enlightenment!๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘ And deserve our praise you do, ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘for we are one! ๐Ÿ‘Ere you ascended ๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ˜ and the Eight๐Ÿ•—๐Ÿ•—๐Ÿ•— became Nine, ๐Ÿ•˜๐Ÿ•˜๐Ÿ•˜you walked๐Ÿ‘ฃ๐Ÿ‘ฃ among us, great Talos, not as god โ€ขL

๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜คTalos the mighty! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ชTalos the unerring! ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏTalos the unassailable! โœŠโœŠโœŠTo you we give praise!๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™‡๐Ÿ™Œ We are but maggots, ๐Ÿ›๐Ÿ›writhing ใ€ฐin the f...

Beautiful, Bored, and Drinking: Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix The professor told his class oneday: Today we will ex- periment with a new form called the tandem story The process is simple. Each person will pair offwith the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home- work tonight, oneofyou will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para graph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph andthen add another para graph to the storyand send it back, also sending an other copy to me. The first person will then add athird paragraph, and soon back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab- solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any- thing you wish to say must bewritten inthe e-mail. The story is over when both agree a con- clusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary. THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question. (second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think aboutthan the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a holethrough his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he feltone last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace- ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per- manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news si- multaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and care- free, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocenceto become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. (Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec- onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em- pires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en- tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor offthe coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. lrefuse tocontinuethis mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin- istic semi literate adolescent. (Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing arethe literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall have some other sort of F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" (Rebecca) Asshole. (Gary) B*tch. (Rebecca) F**K YOU YOU NEANDERTHAL!! (Gary) In your dreams, Ho. Go drink sometea. TEACHER) A+ I really liked this one. A+. I really liked this one.
Beautiful, Bored, and Drinking: Here's a prime example of "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
 offered by an English professor from
 the University of Phoenix
 The professor told his class oneday: Today we will ex-
 periment with a new form called the tandem story
 The process is simple. Each person will pair offwith the
 person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home-
 work tonight, oneofyou will write the first paragraph
 of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para
 graph and send another copy to me. The partner will
 read the first paragraph andthen add another para
 graph to the storyand send it back, also sending an
 other copy to me. The first person will then add athird
 paragraph, and soon back-and-forth.
 Remember to re-read what has been written each time
 in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab-
 solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any-
 thing you wish to say must bewritten inthe e-mail.
 The story is over when both agree a con-
 clusion has been reached."

 The following was actually turned in by two of his
 English students:
 Rebecca and Gary.
 THE STORY:
 (first paragraph by Rebecca)
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
 her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
 times, that he liked chamomile.
 But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
 mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,
 and if she thought about him too much her asthma
 started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
 the question.

 (second paragraph by Gary)
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
 had more important things to think aboutthan the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
 over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
 said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
 before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a holethrough
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
 him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

 (Rebecca)
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he feltone last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
 ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace-
 ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per-
 manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news si-
 multaneously excited her and bored her. She
 stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
 when the days had passed unhurriedly and care-
 free, with no newspaper to read, no television to
 distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
 all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
 lose one's innocenceto become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully.

 (Gary)
 Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec-
 onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
 Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
 lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em-
 pires who were determined to destroy the human
 race. Within two hours after the passage of the
 treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
 Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 entire planet.
 With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
 their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en-
 tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
 in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
 on the ocean floor offthe coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
 poor, stupid Laurie.

 (Rebecca)
 This is absurd. lrefuse tocontinuethis mockery of
 literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin-
 istic semi literate adolescent.
 (Gary)
 Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
 tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing arethe
 literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall have some other sort of
 F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an
 air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
 Steele novels!"

 (Rebecca)
 Asshole.
 (Gary)
 B*tch.
 (Rebecca)
 F**K YOU YOU NEANDERTHAL!!
 (Gary)
 In your dreams, Ho. Go drink sometea.
 TEACHER)
 A+ I really liked this one.
A+. I really liked this one.

A+. I really liked this one.