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Jokes: c-bassmeow: My video apology for some problematic statements/jokes I’ve mad about white people. I’ve been getting attacked on anon for being offensive. I’ll release a longer video on Vimeo later ;)
Jokes: c-bassmeow:

My video apology for some problematic statements/jokes I’ve mad about white people. I’ve been getting attacked on anon for being offensive. I’ll release a longer video on Vimeo later ;)

c-bassmeow: My video apology for some problematic statements/jokes I’ve mad about white people. I’ve been getting attacked on anon for b...

Jokes: My video apology for some problematic statements/jokes I’ve mad about white people. I’ve been getting attacked on anon for being offensive. I’ll release a longer video on Vimeo later ;)
Jokes: My video apology for some problematic statements/jokes I’ve mad about white people. I’ve been getting attacked on anon for being offensive. I’ll release a longer video on Vimeo later ;)

My video apology for some problematic statements/jokes I’ve mad about white people. I’ve been getting attacked on anon for being offensiv...

Jokes: Anonymous asked: block delete answer what's ur favorite happy potter movie?? Anonymous asked: what's ur favorite happy potter movie?? orite happy potter movie?? happy potter movie? happy potter draconianpotterhead: exoticgreen: youusedtocallmeaugustus: equalityforzombies: itsthestartofinfinity: Happy Potter, the boy who laughed Happy Potter and the Smiling Stone Happy Potter and the Chamber of Smiles Happy Potter and the Comedian of Azkaban Happy Potter and the Goblet of Giggles Happy Potter and the Order of Puppies Happy Potter and the Happy Bubbly Prince Happy Potter and the Lively Hallows. Join Happy Potter,Hermione Giggler, andRon Wheezing, in a hilarious adventure to make the Dark Lord laugh. Lord Loldemort is depressed and angry because he isn’t like Happy Potter or Albust Out Laughing Dumbledore. He is joined by a band of equally depressed Laugh Eaters, like Belowtricks LeStrange, and Losinit Malfoy. Happy must go through many jokes and playful riddles, facing Severe Huss Snape, finding Loldemort’s mysterious Whorecruxes… Which are the only thing that can make him laugh. Happy is joined by his ragtag team of ex-clowns, Siriusly Black, Remus Laughing, Tinks, The Wheezings, Mad-Eye Not-Moody, Kingsley Cacklebolt, and many others. Together they can save the Wizarding world from sure peril. forever reblog Can you imagine being the person who sent this anon? Having to see this all the time. Must be so embarrassing but it’s hilarious! My gut hurts from laughing, omfg.  Kingsley Cacklebolt.
Jokes: Anonymous asked:
 block delete answer
 what's ur favorite happy potter movie??
 Anonymous asked:
 what's ur favorite happy potter movie??
 orite happy potter movie??
 happy potter movie?
 happy potter
draconianpotterhead:

exoticgreen:

youusedtocallmeaugustus:

equalityforzombies:

itsthestartofinfinity:

Happy Potter, the boy who laughed

Happy Potter and the Smiling Stone
Happy Potter and the Chamber of Smiles
Happy Potter and the Comedian of Azkaban
Happy Potter and the Goblet of Giggles
Happy Potter and the Order of Puppies
Happy Potter and the Happy Bubbly Prince
Happy Potter and the Lively Hallows.
Join Happy Potter,Hermione Giggler, andRon Wheezing, in a hilarious adventure to make the Dark Lord laugh.
Lord Loldemort is depressed and angry because he isn’t like Happy Potter or Albust Out Laughing Dumbledore. He is joined by a band of equally depressed Laugh Eaters, like Belowtricks LeStrange, and Losinit Malfoy.
Happy must go through many jokes and playful riddles, facing Severe Huss Snape, finding Loldemort’s mysterious Whorecruxes… Which are the only thing that can make him laugh.
Happy is joined by his ragtag team of ex-clowns, Siriusly Black, Remus Laughing, Tinks, The Wheezings, Mad-Eye Not-Moody, Kingsley Cacklebolt, and many others. Together they can save the Wizarding world from sure peril.


forever reblog

Can you imagine being the person who sent this anon? Having to see this all the time. Must be so embarrassing but it’s hilarious!

My gut hurts from laughing, omfg. 

Kingsley Cacklebolt.

draconianpotterhead: exoticgreen: youusedtocallmeaugustus: equalityforzombies: itsthestartofinfinity: Happy Potter, the boy who laug...

Jokes: Can We Guess Your Level Of Education By Your Humor? dailycutebabyanimals: Can We Guess Your Level Of Education Based On Your Sense Of Humor?         Get ready for our jokes. They’re epic!
Jokes: Can We Guess
 Your
 Level Of
 Education
 By Your
 Humor?
dailycutebabyanimals:



 Can We Guess Your Level Of Education Based On Your Sense Of Humor?
        
Get ready for our jokes. They’re epic!

dailycutebabyanimals: Can We Guess Your Level Of Education Based On Your Sense Of Humor?         Get ready for our jokes. They’re ep...

Jokes: Can We Guess Your Level Of Education By Your Humor? dailycutebabyanimals: Can We Guess Your Level Of Education Based On Your Sense Of Humor?         Get ready for our jokes. They’re epic!
Jokes: Can We Guess
 Your
 Level Of
 Education
 By Your
 Humor?
dailycutebabyanimals:



 Can We Guess Your Level Of Education Based On Your Sense Of Humor?
        
Get ready for our jokes. They’re epic!

dailycutebabyanimals: Can We Guess Your Level Of Education Based On Your Sense Of Humor?         Get ready for our jokes. They’re ep...

Jokes: TEBOOK PLY FUNNY .99 Shakespeare never tweeted a sonnet. NOTEBOOK STONEPAPER 49282 NOTEBC FLIPPITY FL 6.99 3.99 DEER amuseoffyre: 10andthetardis: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: chaoswolf1982: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: doodlesanddiscord: thommquackenbush: jennlyons: jadelyn: Are you fucking kidding me? Like, no, Shakespeare wouldn’t tweet a sonnet cause 140 characters is a bit short for that. Wrong medium. But you know what he would have? A very active twitter FULL OF DICK PUNS AND YOUR MOM JOKES okay. (And probably also a blog for the sonnets and longer works, that cross-posts links to twitter anyway.) Get out of here with that pretentious anti-technology bullshit. He’d rock the fuck out of memes. Don’t deny it. Exit, pursued by a doge. much run wow  I don’t understand people who try to make Shakespeare into a pretentious thing cause he was basically an uneducated dick-joke making dude for the common masses. His historical plays are straight up fanfiction. There’s a scene in Macbeth where two guards are having a conversation as a dude pees on a wall. Get out of here with your Shakespeare snobbery. ALL OF THIS Also, the comment ‘Exit, pursued by a doge’ alone makes this worth reblogging :D Heck, the line that’s based on, “Exit, pursued by bear”, only exists because Shakespeare couldn’t think of any other way to get rid of the character, so opted to have him attacked by a bear, which did not exist in the play before that moment. He literally made a bear appear out of thin air, just to kill off a character, purely due to writer’s block. “And then the bear gets him” “… … The The bear?” “Yes the bear” “Will Will there isn’t a bear in this play Where did the bear come from” “A PLACE And he exits the play pursued by it It’s happening make me a bear costume” “it’s happening make me a bear costume” lmao Shakespeare even wrote Yo Mama jokes, like this delight from Titus Andronicus. CHIRON: Thou has undone our mother.AARON: Villain, I have done thy mother.
Jokes: TEBOOK
 PLY FUNNY
 .99
 Shakespeare
 never
 tweeted
 a sonnet.
 NOTEBOOK
 STONEPAPER
 49282
 NOTEBC
 FLIPPITY FL
 6.99
 3.99
 DEER
amuseoffyre:

10andthetardis:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

chaoswolf1982:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

doodlesanddiscord:

thommquackenbush:

jennlyons:

jadelyn:

Are you fucking kidding me? Like, no, Shakespeare wouldn’t tweet a sonnet cause 140 characters is a bit short for that. Wrong medium. But you know what he would have? A very active twitter FULL OF DICK PUNS AND YOUR MOM JOKES okay. (And probably also a blog for the sonnets and longer works, that cross-posts links to twitter anyway.)
Get out of here with that pretentious anti-technology bullshit.

He’d rock the fuck out of memes. Don’t deny it.

Exit, pursued by a doge. much run wow 

I don’t understand people who try to make Shakespeare into a pretentious thing cause he was basically an uneducated dick-joke making dude for the common masses. His historical plays are straight up fanfiction. There’s a scene in Macbeth where two guards are having a conversation as a dude pees on a wall. Get out of here with your Shakespeare snobbery.

ALL OF THIS 
Also, the comment ‘Exit, pursued by a doge’ alone makes this worth reblogging :D 

Heck, the line that’s based on, “Exit, pursued by bear”, only exists because Shakespeare couldn’t think of any other way to get rid of the character, so opted to have him attacked by a bear, which did not exist in the play before that moment.
He literally made a bear appear out of thin air, just to kill off a character, purely due to writer’s block.

“And then the bear gets him”
“…
…
The
The bear?”
“Yes the bear”
“Will
Will there isn’t a bear in this play
Where did the bear come from”
“A PLACE
And he exits the play pursued by it 
It’s happening make me a bear costume”

“it’s happening make me a bear costume” lmao

Shakespeare even wrote Yo Mama jokes, like this delight from Titus Andronicus.
CHIRON: Thou has undone our mother.AARON: Villain, I have done thy mother.

amuseoffyre: 10andthetardis: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: chaoswolf1982: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: doodlesanddiscord: thommquacken...

Jokes: when ur best friend tells a joke Dit zijn wij 😂😮 😩Tag je top 3 vrienden met wie je altijd LoL hebt 😂
Jokes: when ur best friend tells a joke
Dit zijn wij 😂😮 😩Tag je top 3 vrienden met wie je altijd LoL hebt 😂

Dit zijn wij 😂😮 😩Tag je top 3 vrienden met wie je altijd LoL hebt 😂

Jokes: 0003 d 0Gh 48m 24s thisisravenroth: temporaryforevers143: ishkaqwiaidurugnul: vonmunsterr: ghostsneverleave: insanihty: xxarcane: youremybrandnewday: sp0tlessmiind: tiptreecrossing: livingmywayeveryday: vickified: “If a clock could count down to the moment you meet your soul mate, would you want to know?” lol yes, so then i can shave.      One minute, 37 seconds.     My legs are shaking. Holy cow, there is no way I can do this. None.     One minute, 29 secods.     I glance around at the faces surrounding the room. Of course my Meeting would take place in the gross, overcrowded cafeteria.     One minute, six seconds.     Somewhere within these four walls, someone has the exact same countdown on their wrist. They’re going through the exact same pressure as me.      54 seconds.     Mom said I should be excited, not nervous. Yet I still find myself wiping my sweaty palms on my dress. I can’t believe she talked me into wearing a dress. I mean, shouldn’t  my Soul Mate meet me as I normally am? All plain jeans, blah shirts, and wild brown curls?     30 seconds.     Something deep within me tells me to stand up. I do, drawing the attention of my tablemates. They all know too. They smile encouragingly up at me. I chew my lip nervously.     25 seconds.     That same feeling pulls me towards the center of the room. My stomach drops away from me as I take a step in that direction.     20 seconds.     I continue in that direction. With each step the tempo of my heart picks up.     19. Faster.     18. Quicker.     17. More rapid.     16.  It’s racing.     Oh my god this is it. The moment my life changes forever.     My eyes search frantically around the cafeteria, searching for someone who looks as nervous as me. For someone who’s heading towards their future with no sense of direction like me.     10 seconds.     The feeling directs me slightly to the left. I turn to accomodate.     5. My heart has given up entirely.     4. I stop walking.     3. Just waiting left.     2. Everything is about to change.     1. Deep breath.      0000 d 00 h  00 m  00 s      Someone bumps my shoulder. I twirl around and my gray eyes meet blue, blue ones.     “Hello there, love. It appears as though we’re Soul Mates then, eh?”     As my words fail me, the only thing I can think is “I’m so glad I shaved this morning.” “Thats weird…” I checked my wrist, the clock had just hit the 30 second mark but I looked around and there was no one there. I was a worrisome guy overall but I felt justified, I mean today was the day I was meeting my soul mate. Not that I expected my dream girl to be in the storage closet at work but still I was nervous.  Walking out with a box the boss had requested I walked back to my cash register setting it on the shelf. My wrist hit the 20 second mark 19 seconds 18 seconds Where was she? I could not help but get worried that an error would pop up or that she was gone and my timer would run out with no response. I panicked, I’d change my own fate if I had to. Running out of time I hurried through the back door. There was a park outside and maybe I was supposed to be there to find my soul mate.  10 seconds 9 seconds A faint ding of the doorbell hit my ear. Wait was that it?? She was here! I turned around running back to the counter. “Don’t worry I’m just in the back!” I ran out looking at my wrist as it hit zero. Out of breath “Hi I’m Matt!” Sticking out my hand for a handshake it was met by a firm hand. Meeting my soulmate’s eyes for the first time they spoke.  “I’m Steven.” The man gave a smile “It’s nice to meet you.”   I watch my friend carefully. Her excitement is glowing all over her pretty face. Exactly 2 minutes left, she tells me. We’re waiting at the bus stop and the bus is coming in two minutes. I think she hoped she’d meet them on a beach at sunset or something. ”I mean that’s ok - these things can’t always be romantic I mean my mum met dad when he was working at the book store and it’s not like you can plan it to be romantic I just hoped, I mean everyone hopes don’t they-” she breaks off, looking at me awkwardly. “Sorry. It’s just a big day for me you know.” Yes I do know. You’ve been going on about it for the past year. I smile at her. ”Don’t worry. You nervous? You’ll be ok, you always are,” I grin, determined not to ruin this for her. It’s selfish of me to be moody. This is her future being determined. Right here. In now, precisely 1 minute 30 seconds. She smiles at me, but it isn’t quite reaching her eyes. She’s restless and keeps tapping her foot. Her eyes are wide with.. fear? Excitement? Nerves? Probably all of them and a thousand more things I can’t imagine. She keeps checking her wrist. So do I. The bus comes around the corner. 1 minute 10 seconds. ”Hey. I’ll leave you alone now ok? The bus is here. I’ll sit a couple of seats away, and be there if you need me,” I say, squeezing her arm reassuringly. “Good luck.” I hope it sounded sincere. The bus pulls up and I climb on first, taking a quick glance at her while I give the driver my ticket. She’s shaking and looks a little green. I want to give her a hug but know I shouldn’t interrupt now. I look at the passengers and it’s full of pensioners. My heart starts beating frantically. What? I can’t see anyone else at the bus stop. But she’s only 18, she can’t end up with a 80 year old.  I turn around and look at her - she’s breathing hard. The bus driver asks if she’s ok but she ignores him. Her eyebrows are creased and her face is flushed. Oh. Oh no. Stay calm. Someone is probably late. I give her a thumbs up and try to smile reassuringly. I think it’s more of a grimace. I take a seat near the back. Look at my watch. 25 seconds. She sits down a few seats away.  Suddenly a dark shape runs past my window and a boy jumps on the bus. He has that same frantic look in his eyes. I breathe out with relief. ”Yeah get on, we’re running late,” the driver says, taking his ticket. The boy looks around, carefully stepping towards the seats. He’s tall and handsome, holding a sketchbook. I smile slightly; my friend hates art. 4 seconds He spots her. 3 seconds His eyes widen as he walks closer, as if being pulled by an invisible rope. 2 seconds My friend stands up too, that same rope tying her to him. 1 second - ”I was worried the bus would leave. No way could I miss meeting my soul mate!” he jokes, though he looks just as nervous as she. They smile at each other as they both sit down together. I can’t hear what they’re talking about.  I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Suddenly I’m crying. Hot tears dropping down my cheeks.  I look at my wrist, scratching at it. Trying to get rid of it.   The numbers have never changed.  They’ve always been at 0. Oh my god that last one…. My heart… The feels…. AGH ALL OF YOU WRITE A BOOK THIS VERY INSTANT. PLEASE. this is beautiful and everyone needs to read it i hate you tumblr, fucking breaking my goddamn heart Then, one day, you’re having dinner with a friend you’ve known for as long as you can remember (or perhaps a friend of the family), and you finally talk to them about your counter. You’re crying, explaining that it’s always been at 0, and so you must not have a soul-mate. Their eyes widen. Tears begin to form, and they throw their arms around you. “Mine has always been at 0 too.” And that’s when you know… 10 seconds: the doorbell rings, i get out of my chair5 seconds: i give the man my money0 seconds: i open the box. it is the most glorious pizza i have ever seen in my life. This post always has different stories on it and I always have to read it and reblog it Oh god I love it I’m so confused-I’m the only person working my shift at the restaurant.  The boss had to leave for an emergency, so I’m at the cash register when I notice the clock.  I have two minutes. The problem is I’m the only person in the store.  I quickly go to each of the windows to look outside-I know he’s going to there. I’m sweating now-I never expected this day to come. 10 9 8 7 6 5 There’s a sudden crash behind me and I turn my head slowly. 4 3 2 1 “Give me the money.  Now.”
Jokes: 0003 d 0Gh 48m 24s
thisisravenroth:

temporaryforevers143:

ishkaqwiaidurugnul:

vonmunsterr:

ghostsneverleave:

insanihty:

xxarcane:

youremybrandnewday:

sp0tlessmiind:

tiptreecrossing:

livingmywayeveryday:

vickified:


“If a clock could count down to the moment you meet your soul mate, would you want to know?”

lol yes, so then i can shave.

     One minute, 37 seconds.     My legs are shaking. Holy cow, there is no way I can do this. None.     One minute, 29 secods.     I glance around at the faces surrounding the room. Of course my Meeting would take place in the gross, overcrowded cafeteria.     One minute, six seconds.     Somewhere within these four walls, someone has the exact same countdown on their wrist. They’re going through the exact same pressure as me.      54 seconds.     Mom said I should be excited, not nervous. Yet I still find myself wiping my sweaty palms on my dress. I can’t believe she talked me into wearing a dress. I mean, shouldn’t  my Soul Mate meet me as I normally am? All plain jeans, blah shirts, and wild brown curls?     30 seconds.     Something deep within me tells me to stand up. I do, drawing the attention of my tablemates. They all know too. They smile encouragingly up at me. I chew my lip nervously.     25 seconds.     That same feeling pulls me towards the center of the room. My stomach drops away from me as I take a step in that direction.     20 seconds.     I continue in that direction. With each step the tempo of my heart picks up.     19. Faster.     18. Quicker.     17. More rapid.     16.  It’s racing.     Oh my god this is it. The moment my life changes forever.     My eyes search frantically around the cafeteria, searching for someone who looks as nervous as me. For someone who’s heading towards their future with no sense of direction like me.     10 seconds.     The feeling directs me slightly to the left. I turn to accomodate.     5. My heart has given up entirely.     4. I stop walking.     3. Just waiting left.     2. Everything is about to change.     1. Deep breath.
     0000 d 00 h  00 m  00 s
     Someone bumps my shoulder. I twirl around and my gray eyes meet blue, blue ones.     “Hello there, love. It appears as though we’re Soul Mates then, eh?”     As my words fail me, the only thing I can think is “I’m so glad I shaved this morning.”




“Thats weird…” I checked my wrist, the clock had just hit the 30 second mark but I looked around and there was no one there. I was a worrisome guy overall but I felt justified, I mean today was the day I was meeting my soul mate. Not that I expected my dream girl to be in the storage closet at work but still I was nervous. 
Walking out with a box the boss had requested I walked back to my cash register setting it on the shelf. My wrist hit the 20 second mark
19 seconds
18 seconds
Where was she? I could not help but get worried that an error would pop up or that she was gone and my timer would run out with no response. I panicked, I’d change my own fate if I had to. Running out of time I hurried through the back door. There was a park outside and maybe I was supposed to be there to find my soul mate. 
10 seconds
9 seconds
A faint ding of the doorbell hit my ear. Wait was that it?? She was here! I turned around running back to the counter. “Don’t worry I’m just in the back!”
I ran out looking at my wrist as it hit zero. Out of breath “Hi I’m Matt!” Sticking out my hand for a handshake it was met by a firm hand. Meeting my soulmate’s eyes for the first time they spoke. 
“I’m Steven.” The man gave a smile “It’s nice to meet you.” 

 I watch my friend carefully. Her excitement is glowing all over her pretty face. Exactly 2 minutes left, she tells me. We’re waiting at the bus stop and the bus is coming in two minutes. I think she hoped she’d meet them on a beach at sunset or something. ”I mean that’s ok - these things can’t always be romantic I mean my mum met dad when he was working at the book store and it’s not like you can plan it to be romantic I just hoped, I mean everyone hopes don’t they-” she breaks off, looking at me awkwardly. “Sorry. It’s just a big day for me you know.” Yes I do know. You’ve been going on about it for the past year. I smile at her. ”Don’t worry. You nervous? You’ll be ok, you always are,” I grin, determined not to ruin this for her. It’s selfish of me to be moody. This is her future being determined. Right here. In now, precisely 1 minute 30 seconds. She smiles at me, but it isn’t quite reaching her eyes. She’s restless and keeps tapping her foot. Her eyes are wide with.. fear? Excitement? Nerves? Probably all of them and a thousand more things I can’t imagine. She keeps checking her wrist. So do I. The bus comes around the corner. 1 minute 10 seconds. ”Hey. I’ll leave you alone now ok? The bus is here. I’ll sit a couple of seats away, and be there if you need me,” I say, squeezing her arm reassuringly. “Good luck.” I hope it sounded sincere. The bus pulls up and I climb on first, taking a quick glance at her while I give the driver my ticket. She’s shaking and looks a little green. I want to give her a hug but know I shouldn’t interrupt now. I look at the passengers and it’s full of pensioners. My heart starts beating frantically. What? I can’t see anyone else at the bus stop. But she’s only 18, she can’t end up with a 80 year old.  I turn around and look at her - she’s breathing hard. The bus driver asks if she’s ok but she ignores him. Her eyebrows are creased and her face is flushed. Oh. Oh no. Stay calm. Someone is probably late. I give her a thumbs up and try to smile reassuringly. I think it’s more of a grimace. I take a seat near the back. Look at my watch. 25 seconds. She sits down a few seats away.
 Suddenly a dark shape runs past my window and a boy jumps on the bus. He has that same frantic look in his eyes. I breathe out with relief. ”Yeah get on, we’re running late,” the driver says, taking his ticket. The boy looks around, carefully stepping towards the seats. He’s tall and handsome, holding a sketchbook. I smile slightly; my friend hates art. 4 seconds He spots her. 3 seconds His eyes widen as he walks closer, as if being pulled by an invisible rope. 2 seconds My friend stands up too, that same rope tying her to him. 1 second - ”I was worried the bus would leave. No way could I miss meeting my soul mate!” he jokes, though he looks just as nervous as she. They smile at each other as they both sit down together. I can’t hear what they’re talking about.
 I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Suddenly I’m crying. Hot tears dropping down my cheeks.
 I look at my wrist, scratching at it. Trying to get rid of it. 
 The numbers have never changed.
 They’ve always been at 0.

Oh my god that last one…. My heart… The feels….

AGH ALL OF YOU WRITE A BOOK THIS VERY INSTANT. PLEASE.

this is beautiful and everyone needs to read it

i hate you tumblr, fucking breaking my goddamn heart

Then, one day, you’re having dinner with a friend you’ve known for as long as you can remember (or perhaps a friend of the family), and you finally talk to them about your counter. You’re crying, explaining that it’s always been at 0, and so you must not have a soul-mate.
Their eyes widen. Tears begin to form, and they throw their arms around you.
“Mine has always been at 0 too.”
And that’s when you know…

10 seconds: the doorbell rings, i get out of my chair5 seconds: i give the man my money0 seconds: i open the box. it is the most glorious pizza i have ever seen in my life.

This post always has different stories on it and I always have to read it and reblog it

Oh god I love it

I’m so confused-I’m the only person working my shift at the restaurant.  The boss had to leave for an emergency, so I’m at the cash register when I notice the clock.  I have two minutes.
The problem is I’m the only person in the store.  I quickly go to each of the windows to look outside-I know he’s going to there.
I’m sweating now-I never expected this day to come.
10
9
8
7
6
5
There’s a sudden crash behind me and I turn my head slowly.
4
3
2
1
“Give me the money.  Now.”

thisisravenroth: temporaryforevers143: ishkaqwiaidurugnul: vonmunsterr: ghostsneverleave: insanihty: xxarcane: youremybrandnewday:...