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Best Friend, Bless Up, and College: You can see the meaning of the universe in those two eyes. So my lil homegirl sent me a link to this coffee made by Dark Matter that’s called Unicorn Blood. Tried it. Not gon lie, delicious. But Unicorn Blood? Y’all doin too much. U coffee roasters Bruv a lot of y’all getting real comfortable selling good (but not life changing) coffee for $15.99 a bag and I’m thinking I might come for y’all. Coffee is my thing and if I had the time and the roasting equipment, I could stomp y’all out completely. And I know what I’d name my coffee blend, too: Mermaid Period. Y’all think Unicorn Blood is rare? Y’all ain’t seen rare. First of all a Unicorn is just a horse with a horn. That sh!t low key basic. A good plastic surgeon could make one. If a plastic surgeon could make the Kardashians Black bruv? He could throw a horn on a horse nah that’s basic. Mermaids? Bruv that’s half woman half fish. Up top she a sexy, comely ginger with seashells on her Tetas. Waist down? All flipper. Where’s the Punani? Exactly. Even if a mermaid had a Punani (which she can’t because issa flipper), would she even have a period? How? Do she wear faded, washed 7,000 times, soft-as-silk (😍) Period panty granny panties over her flipper? Or do she just freeball it bleeding out her sweet, precious, mythical, menstrual magnificence into the ocean with reckless abandon so that if a random scuba diver named Aiden from Newport Beach with floopy blond hair is swimming by and perchance catches a glorious taste, his heart explodes with love and affection and his head pops off his body and his scuba diving companion William is at his funeral just like β€œI know y’all will never believe me because I used to drop acid when I attended college but my best friend died after inhaling Mermaid Period then his head popped off his body and a shark ate it good night 😒.” Bam. Straight like that. It will be beautifully rich, reddish in color, deliciously fragrant, and invigorating - just like regular Period (But I’ll call it Mermaid Period because y’all love it when these beverage companies are extra πŸ€—). Coming to your grocery aisle fall 2018. Starbucks, Peet’s and Dark Matter - y’all on notice. Bless up πŸ€—πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Best Friend, Bless Up, and College: You can see the meaning
 of the universe in those
 two eyes.
So my lil homegirl sent me a link to this coffee made by Dark Matter that’s called Unicorn Blood. Tried it. Not gon lie, delicious. But Unicorn Blood? Y’all doin too much. U coffee roasters Bruv a lot of y’all getting real comfortable selling good (but not life changing) coffee for $15.99 a bag and I’m thinking I might come for y’all. Coffee is my thing and if I had the time and the roasting equipment, I could stomp y’all out completely. And I know what I’d name my coffee blend, too: Mermaid Period. Y’all think Unicorn Blood is rare? Y’all ain’t seen rare. First of all a Unicorn is just a horse with a horn. That sh!t low key basic. A good plastic surgeon could make one. If a plastic surgeon could make the Kardashians Black bruv? He could throw a horn on a horse nah that’s basic. Mermaids? Bruv that’s half woman half fish. Up top she a sexy, comely ginger with seashells on her Tetas. Waist down? All flipper. Where’s the Punani? Exactly. Even if a mermaid had a Punani (which she can’t because issa flipper), would she even have a period? How? Do she wear faded, washed 7,000 times, soft-as-silk (😍) Period panty granny panties over her flipper? Or do she just freeball it bleeding out her sweet, precious, mythical, menstrual magnificence into the ocean with reckless abandon so that if a random scuba diver named Aiden from Newport Beach with floopy blond hair is swimming by and perchance catches a glorious taste, his heart explodes with love and affection and his head pops off his body and his scuba diving companion William is at his funeral just like β€œI know y’all will never believe me because I used to drop acid when I attended college but my best friend died after inhaling Mermaid Period then his head popped off his body and a shark ate it good night 😒.” Bam. Straight like that. It will be beautifully rich, reddish in color, deliciously fragrant, and invigorating - just like regular Period (But I’ll call it Mermaid Period because y’all love it when these beverage companies are extra πŸ€—). Coming to your grocery aisle fall 2018. Starbucks, Peet’s and Dark Matter - y’all on notice. Bless up πŸ€—πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

So my lil homegirl sent me a link to this coffee made by Dark Matter that’s called Unicorn Blood. Tried it. Not gon lie, delicious. But Unic...