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Big Dick, Chill, and Church: ITT: Glorious Retards >be me mormonfag church boring as fuck not really that interested in going, its a cult, mostly do it for my family hate testimony week basically open mic day once a week at church people go up and are supposed to talk about how great god is or whatever, generally just talk about how great they are and what vacation they went on last literally just a big dick measuring contest new family moves into ward pretty unusual situation: single dad, downie kid. we learned way later that he accidentally got a girl pregnant, she wanted to abort downie, he said he'd raise the baby himself rather than see that happen. not sure if i agree with it, but gotta admit, that's honorable as fuck downies a good kid too, sweet as can be, not as dumb as you'd think anyway testimony week comes around, dreading it first guy goes up, starts talking about how he baptized a lot of people on his mission >am rolling my eyes in five dimensions when I heard downie roar from across the room "TEHTIMONEY WEEK IS FOHR TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!" room goes quiet, guy wraps up quickly, sits down people tell actual wholesome stuff, they fear the downie. no dick measuring with him around next week similar thing happens: woman goes up to talk about how much she loves her husband, and how he took the whole family on a trip to mexico recently Downie interrupts "TEHTIMONEY! WEEK! IS! FOHR! TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!" lady sits down, normal talking goes on, im officially borderline gay for downie later talking with my edgelord apostate friends, we all talk about how downie is the best thing to happen to this ward ever we find downie and thank him for keeping it real. his dad is super touched that we all stopped by, we all make sure to thank downie for his interruptions and tell him to keep it real we thought maybe his dad would be annoyed that we were encouraging this, but his dad was chill as could be 6.5 kB JPG 33 min. ago. Anonymous | 44806137 cont next week, Downey takes it up a notclh mormon services have two or three talks a servic, all done by volunteers, but the talks can suuuuuuck worst ones are when old people/newly returned missionaries are asked to talk and they ramble for an hour and a half old lady is going on and on about growing up in the great depression. we're all about to go insane when downie stands up YOU TAHK TOO LON, OTHER SPEACHERS NEED TO TAHK TOO lady wraps up we're all in fucking awe of this god among us anytime somebody rambles, or tries to humblebrag, downie calls them out its fucking amazing >church is still a cult but its actually kind of fun now with downie there me and my edgelord friends keep an eye on him, nobody fucks with our downie we get near the end of HS when downie has a heart attack we all visit him in the hospital. we fucking love him >he survived the heart attack, but he just may not have a whole lot of time left. the sunday, the dad announces that him and his son are going to be moving out of state. wants to show his son more of the world before he dies. me and my friends go to downies house to say goodbye, tell him we're going to miss him so much, testimoney week is going to turn back to shit with him gone downie asks if he can tell us a secret we say sure, you can tell us anything "Dah tole me wat to say all those times. >mfw his dad originally used his retarded son as a way to ignore social conventions and tell people to stfu, but wound up continuing to do it for years because he knew it was helping him have friends. >mfw when im not sure if his dad is an asshole or a genius >mfw I don't even care anymore, I still think fondly of that glorious downie bastard yelling at old ladies from the back of the chapel 1 REPLY Anon goes to church
Big Dick, Chill, and Church: ITT: Glorious Retards
 >be me
 mormonfag
 church boring as fuck
 not really that interested in going, its a cult, mostly do it for
 my family
 hate testimony week
 basically open mic day once a week at church
 people go up and are supposed to talk about how great
 god is or whatever, generally just talk about how great they
 are and what vacation they went on last
 literally just a big dick measuring contest
 new family moves into ward
 pretty unusual situation: single dad, downie kid. we learned
 way later that he accidentally got a girl pregnant, she
 wanted to abort downie, he said he'd raise the baby himself
 rather than see that happen.
 not sure if i agree with it, but gotta admit, that's honorable
 as fuck
 downies a good kid too, sweet as can be, not as dumb as
 you'd think
 anyway
 testimony week comes around, dreading it
 first guy goes up, starts talking about how he baptized a lot
 of people on his mission
 >am rolling my eyes in five dimensions when I heard downie
 roar from across the room
 "TEHTIMONEY WEEK IS FOHR TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!"
 room goes quiet, guy wraps up quickly, sits down
 people tell actual wholesome stuff, they fear the downie.
 no dick measuring with him around
 next week similar thing happens: woman goes up to talk
 about how much she loves her husband, and how he took
 the whole family on a trip to mexico recently
 Downie interrupts
 "TEHTIMONEY! WEEK! IS! FOHR! TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!"
 lady sits down, normal talking goes on, im officially
 borderline gay for downie
 later talking with my edgelord apostate friends, we all talk
 about how downie is the best thing to happen to this ward
 ever
 we find downie and thank him for keeping it real. his dad
 is super touched that we all stopped by, we all make sure
 to thank downie for his interruptions and tell him to keep it
 real
 we thought maybe his dad would be annoyed that we were
 encouraging this, but his dad was chill as could be
 6.5 kB JPG

 33 min. ago.
 Anonymous | 44806137
 cont
 next week, Downey takes it up a notclh
 mormon services have two or three talks a servic, all done by volunteers, but
 the talks can suuuuuuck
 worst ones are when old people/newly returned missionaries are asked to talk
 and they ramble for an hour and a half
 old lady is going on and on about growing up in the great depression. we're all
 about to go insane when downie stands up
 YOU TAHK TOO LON, OTHER SPEACHERS NEED TO TAHK TOO
 lady wraps up
 we're all in fucking awe of this god among us
 anytime somebody rambles, or tries to humblebrag, downie calls them out
 its fucking amazing
 >church is still a cult but its actually kind of fun now with downie there
 me and my edgelord friends keep an eye on him, nobody fucks with our downie
 we get near the end of HS when downie has a heart attack
 we all visit him in the hospital. we fucking love him
 >he survived the heart attack, but he just may not have a whole lot of time left.
 the sunday, the dad announces that him and his son are going to be moving out
 of state. wants to show his son more of the world before he dies.
 me and my friends go to downies house to say goodbye, tell him we're going to
 miss him so much, testimoney week is going to turn back to shit with him gone
 downie asks if he can tell us a secret
 we say sure, you can tell us anything
 "Dah tole me wat to say all those times.
 >mfw his dad originally used his retarded son as a way to ignore social
 conventions and tell people to stfu, but wound up continuing to do it for years
 because he knew it was helping him have friends.
 >mfw when im not sure if his dad is an asshole or a genius
 >mfw I don't even care anymore, I still think fondly of that glorious downie
 bastard yelling at old ladies from the back of the chapel
 1 REPLY
Anon goes to church

Anon goes to church

Bae, Crazy, and Lol: Yasssss Daddy! Good Peen Will Make A Woman Do Some Crazy Sh*t @balleralert Yasssss Daddy! Good Peen Will Make A Woman Do Some Crazy Sh*t- blogged by @peachkyss ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Ladies, I know I’m not the only one that has gotten some peen and did some of the craziest sh*ts ever. Like every time you and bae have a rendezvous, he hits every spot just right. “When He F*ck Me Good, I Take His A$$ To Red Lobster” type of sex. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Bae’s sex is so amazing that every time he leaves home, you calling like, “Where you at?” “You coming home soon?” Hell, you don’t want the next chick getting what you receive at home. You want to make sure he brings that a$$ home every night. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Great sex will have you trying to have his baby. You get so wrapped up in the sex night after night and find yourself screaming, “I want to have your baby!” Most of the time it comes out because you don’t him to stop and you feel him pulsate inside of you. (Don’t try and front in the comments like you haven’t done it. If not, he’s coming so watch out lol). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Good peen will have you singing all kinds of love songs. You get so wrapped up that you can’t believe the things you are doing. His peen got you feeling like a straight sap lol. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A good man with good peen is often hard to come by. But when he does come around, you better hold on and bring the freak out every chance you get. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What’s the craziest thing you have ever done after getting some good peen?
Bae, Crazy, and Lol: Yasssss Daddy! Good Peen Will Make
 A Woman Do Some Crazy Sh*t
 @balleralert
Yasssss Daddy! Good Peen Will Make A Woman Do Some Crazy Sh*t- blogged by @peachkyss ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Ladies, I know I’m not the only one that has gotten some peen and did some of the craziest sh*ts ever. Like every time you and bae have a rendezvous, he hits every spot just right. “When He F*ck Me Good, I Take His A$$ To Red Lobster” type of sex. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Bae’s sex is so amazing that every time he leaves home, you calling like, “Where you at?” “You coming home soon?” Hell, you don’t want the next chick getting what you receive at home. You want to make sure he brings that a$$ home every night. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Great sex will have you trying to have his baby. You get so wrapped up in the sex night after night and find yourself screaming, “I want to have your baby!” Most of the time it comes out because you don’t him to stop and you feel him pulsate inside of you. (Don’t try and front in the comments like you haven’t done it. If not, he’s coming so watch out lol). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Good peen will have you singing all kinds of love songs. You get so wrapped up that you can’t believe the things you are doing. His peen got you feeling like a straight sap lol. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A good man with good peen is often hard to come by. But when he does come around, you better hold on and bring the freak out every chance you get. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What’s the craziest thing you have ever done after getting some good peen?

Yasssss Daddy! Good Peen Will Make A Woman Do Some Crazy Sh*t- blogged by @peachkyss ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Ladies, I know I’m not the only one tha...

Bless Up, Booty, and Christmas: Picked up this little girl today. I never knew something so cute could have such horrendous farts @DrSmashlove Reddit u/thecasquatch Shout to u ladies bruv I see u. Pink nikes. Black yoga pants with the strategically placed sheer cutouts. Oversized coat. Dripping wet hair. Scurrying back to the office at 12:58 pm. Stinkin. Just sweatily stinking up a storm baby girl u are appreciated 🤤. See me in the lobby I’m holding the elevator door looking at u and u like “OMG smash I stink LOL!! I’ll take the next one!” No the eff u won’t 🤗😂. This is Christmas in Ferrurary. 🎅🏼 Christmas in March. 🎄 U feel me? “Don’t be silly lol! All aboard 😁.” I inhale inaudibly thru my nose and let out a small, very small like dis big 👌 pip squeak cough ... “damn! Sinuses lol...CAN A BROTHER GET SOME CLARITIN IN HERE 😤” (c) Key and Peele 😂. Ain no damn sinuses bruv. I just had to get that one wondrous serene low key whiff of pure mid Day booty sweat 🍑💦 . U could had taken a few minutes to shower. But u didn’t. U didn’t for all of us - witcha nastass 😍😂. Now u perfuming the elevator before returning to ya office to put clothes and heels back on. Again I thank u. Mid day work doldrums can be heavy but an elevator full of yoga pant booty stench, like an Umbria espresso chased by a bubbly water, awakens the senses and enlivens the loins 😍. And before u ladies attack me for being a freak first of all bish YES I AM 😂. Second of all not long ago a ting was taking a vigorous ride on Le Pony like the Ginuwine song when, half a minute prior to busting, she buried her face in my underarm and bounced-clapped Le Chèéks vigorously on mine Peepington and I’m like “wha?” And she said in that deep, satanic I’m-bout-to-buss voice “DONNNNT STOPPPP 🐲👹👺” and she let loose the waterfall harder than I had theretofore experienced and at that moment it dawned on me: Le Stínk is a gift from God (among many) visited upon humankind to bring us back to our animalistic senses. Back to the jungle. U feel me? Amazonian type isht. Embrace Le Stínk. U an me baby ain’t nothing but mammals. So let’s do it how they do on the discovery channel BLESS UP 🤤😍😂
Bless Up, Booty, and Christmas: Picked up this little girl today. I never
 knew something so cute could have
 such horrendous farts
 @DrSmashlove
 Reddit u/thecasquatch
Shout to u ladies bruv I see u. Pink nikes. Black yoga pants with the strategically placed sheer cutouts. Oversized coat. Dripping wet hair. Scurrying back to the office at 12:58 pm. Stinkin. Just sweatily stinking up a storm baby girl u are appreciated 🤤. See me in the lobby I’m holding the elevator door looking at u and u like “OMG smash I stink LOL!! I’ll take the next one!” No the eff u won’t 🤗😂. This is Christmas in Ferrurary. 🎅🏼 Christmas in March. 🎄 U feel me? “Don’t be silly lol! All aboard 😁.” I inhale inaudibly thru my nose and let out a small, very small like dis big 👌 pip squeak cough ... “damn! Sinuses lol...CAN A BROTHER GET SOME CLARITIN IN HERE 😤” (c) Key and Peele 😂. Ain no damn sinuses bruv. I just had to get that one wondrous serene low key whiff of pure mid Day booty sweat 🍑💦 . U could had taken a few minutes to shower. But u didn’t. U didn’t for all of us - witcha nastass 😍😂. Now u perfuming the elevator before returning to ya office to put clothes and heels back on. Again I thank u. Mid day work doldrums can be heavy but an elevator full of yoga pant booty stench, like an Umbria espresso chased by a bubbly water, awakens the senses and enlivens the loins 😍. And before u ladies attack me for being a freak first of all bish YES I AM 😂. Second of all not long ago a ting was taking a vigorous ride on Le Pony like the Ginuwine song when, half a minute prior to busting, she buried her face in my underarm and bounced-clapped Le Chèéks vigorously on mine Peepington and I’m like “wha?” And she said in that deep, satanic I’m-bout-to-buss voice “DONNNNT STOPPPP 🐲👹👺” and she let loose the waterfall harder than I had theretofore experienced and at that moment it dawned on me: Le Stínk is a gift from God (among many) visited upon humankind to bring us back to our animalistic senses. Back to the jungle. U feel me? Amazonian type isht. Embrace Le Stínk. U an me baby ain’t nothing but mammals. So let’s do it how they do on the discovery channel BLESS UP 🤤😍😂

Shout to u ladies bruv I see u. Pink nikes. Black yoga pants with the strategically placed sheer cutouts. Oversized coat. Dripping wet hair....

America, Anaconda, and Andrew Bogut: 100 Nigerian Girls Abducted By Boko Haram Returned To Village @balleralert 100 Nigerian Girls Abducted By Boko Haram Returned To Village - blogged by @worldwidekeege ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The tragic horror that America witnessed almost 4 years ago has relived itself in Nigeria but this time the narrative paints a different ending. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The Islamic extremist group Boko Haram which stands for “Western education is forbidden” hit hard again by abducting 110 girls from a Nigerian school in the city of Dapchi. The same group took over 300 girls from a school in Chibok 4 years ago. The group’s reason for kidnapping the girls is to teach them Islam and show them why they shouldn’t practice Western education, instead, they should be married off. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ They make the girls live in forests and migrate from place to place running from officials looking to rescue them. All of the girls from the Chibok kidnapping years ago have not been returned but almost 100 of the Dapchi students were returned to their city early Wednesday morning. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ As parents and loved ones watched them walk into town, hearts were overjoyed with compassion for what the young ladies had gone through for over a month while being held captive. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Nigerian officials were highly criticized for not preventing the attack and not doing enough in their rescue efforts to bring the girls home sooner. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Hopefully, we can see more efforts for them in the future and maybe the rest of the Chibok girls will be released as well.
America, Anaconda, and Andrew Bogut: 100 Nigerian Girls Abducted
 By Boko Haram Returned To
 Village
 @balleralert
100 Nigerian Girls Abducted By Boko Haram Returned To Village - blogged by @worldwidekeege ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The tragic horror that America witnessed almost 4 years ago has relived itself in Nigeria but this time the narrative paints a different ending. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The Islamic extremist group Boko Haram which stands for “Western education is forbidden” hit hard again by abducting 110 girls from a Nigerian school in the city of Dapchi. The same group took over 300 girls from a school in Chibok 4 years ago. The group’s reason for kidnapping the girls is to teach them Islam and show them why they shouldn’t practice Western education, instead, they should be married off. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ They make the girls live in forests and migrate from place to place running from officials looking to rescue them. All of the girls from the Chibok kidnapping years ago have not been returned but almost 100 of the Dapchi students were returned to their city early Wednesday morning. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ As parents and loved ones watched them walk into town, hearts were overjoyed with compassion for what the young ladies had gone through for over a month while being held captive. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Nigerian officials were highly criticized for not preventing the attack and not doing enough in their rescue efforts to bring the girls home sooner. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Hopefully, we can see more efforts for them in the future and maybe the rest of the Chibok girls will be released as well.

100 Nigerian Girls Abducted By Boko Haram Returned To Village - blogged by @worldwidekeege ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The tragic horror that Americ...