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Android, Bad, and Chill: When you tell your boyfriend a joke
and the girl under his bed starts
laughing too
Never forget your girls favorite color. I can’t explain why dudes cheat but answer this, if you got money in your wallet and you find another dollar, are you not going to pick it up? Long story short my girl was out of town at her friends graduation. She left me a spear key to come feed her dog through out the week. I did the opposite, I treated him like Gary the snail. I had my side girl over bout to get busy. You know that deep gut feeling that tells you “ight chill out” but you ignore it? That be God mercy tryna save you. I’m catching some bomb neck, I’m talking about My meat going through a 5 star car wash when I hear a engine pull up out front. I look out the window and see my girl hop out a Uber. My side girl hid under the bed. I can tell She done this before. I slid under the sheets and fake sleep. My girl comes in talking about she changed her flight to come home sooner. Android users text take 3 business days. Babe starts asking me what’s her favorite color. I confidently blurted our magenta. Here comes her dog with a red thong in his mouth. Damn dogs can’t stick together? The FBI agent in her came out and starts interrogating me. Under her sheets I’m getting my dick rode by bed bugs during the interrogation process. Im tryna figure how to get this girl out this crib before I’m toast. My girl mid way through her sentence when you hear a sneeze under her bed. Within seconds my girl downloaded a heart beat sensor. I swear Android users got it good. This is now modern warfare. I watch my girl play search&destroy with my side chick. Side chicks heartless so she couldn’t detect her. Me being the real nigga I am had to flip the whole situation on her. “I don’t like how you assume me as a black man cheat, if you don’t trust me Idk about this” Tears in my eyes because it smelled like fish cakes and my eyes couldn’t take it. My girl felt bad and hit me with the double hand twist Gawk combo. My girl said she was coming back Sunday and came back Friday. She lied to me. I can’t date liars fam. I broke up with her. I’m single and my side girl still live under my ex bed. She text me from time to time for help. Shoulda had a escape rope.
![Android, Bad, and Chill: When you tell your boyfriend a joke
and the girl under his bed starts
laughing too
Never forget your girls favorite color. I can’t explain why dudes cheat but answer this, if you got money in your wallet and you find another dollar, are you not going to pick it up? Long story short my girl was out of town at her friends graduation. She left me a spear key to come feed her dog through out the week. I did the opposite, I treated him like Gary the snail. I had my side girl over bout to get busy. You know that deep gut feeling that tells you “ight chill out” but you ignore it? That be God mercy tryna save you. I’m catching some bomb neck, I’m talking about My meat going through a 5 star car wash when I hear a engine pull up out front. I look out the window and see my girl hop out a Uber. My side girl hid under the bed. I can tell She done this before. I slid under the sheets and fake sleep. My girl comes in talking about she changed her flight to come home sooner. Android users text take 3 business days. Babe starts asking me what’s her favorite color. I confidently blurted our magenta. Here comes her dog with a red thong in his mouth. Damn dogs can’t stick together? The FBI agent in her came out and starts interrogating me. Under her sheets I’m getting my dick rode by bed bugs during the interrogation process. Im tryna figure how to get this girl out this crib before I’m toast. My girl mid way through her sentence when you hear a sneeze under her bed. Within seconds my girl downloaded a heart beat sensor. I swear Android users got it good. This is now modern warfare. I watch my girl play search&destroy with my side chick. Side chicks heartless so she couldn’t detect her. Me being the real nigga I am had to flip the whole situation on her. “I don’t like how you assume me as a black man cheat, if you don’t trust me Idk about this” Tears in my eyes because it smelled like fish cakes and my eyes couldn’t take it. My girl felt bad and hit me with the double hand twist Gawk combo. My girl said she was coming back Sunday and came back Friday. She lied to me. I can’t date liars fam. I broke up with her. I’m single and my side girl still live under my ex bed. She text me from time to time for help. Shoulda had a escape rope.]()
Never forget your girls favorite color. I can’t explain why dudes cheat but answer this, if you got money in your wallet and you find anothe...
Memes, Live, and 🤖: DAL
3 3RD &
OAL 2ND 10:57:07
.@dak rolls left...
And finds @TerranceWill2 for a @dallascowboys TOUCHDOWN!
📺: #CINvsDAL LIVE on @nflnetwork https://t.co/BRpBLiKVLK
![Memes, Live, and 🤖: DAL
3 3RD &
OAL 2ND 10:57:07
.@dak rolls left...
And finds @TerranceWill2 for a @dallascowboys TOUCHDOWN!
📺: #CINvsDAL LIVE on @nflnetwork https://t.co/BRpBLiKVLK]()
.@dak rolls left... And finds @TerranceWill2 for a @dallascowboys TOUCHDOWN! 📺: #CINvsDAL LIVE on @nflnetwork https://t.co/BRpBLiKVLK
Memes, Fuck, and 🤖: Philip Larkin
@philiplarkin
Just spotted a cat on someone's porch,
miaowing to be let in. Without thinking, I
walked up to the door, rang the bell,
nodded to the cat and left. It was only
rounded the corner I realised what l'd
done as I heard the owner shouting
FUCK ME SARAH THE CAT JUST
RANG THE DOORBELL
I wish I could have witnessed this 😂😂
![Memes, Fuck, and 🤖: Philip Larkin
@philiplarkin
Just spotted a cat on someone's porch,
miaowing to be let in. Without thinking, I
walked up to the door, rang the bell,
nodded to the cat and left. It was only
rounded the corner I realised what l'd
done as I heard the owner shouting
FUCK ME SARAH THE CAT JUST
RANG THE DOORBELL
I wish I could have witnessed this 😂😂]()
I wish I could have witnessed this 😂😂
![Party, Reddit, and Help: i will corrupt your beans
oh no not my
beans
let's face it. bean theives like this are
everywhere. any one of us could be the
next victim to this tragedy. the silence
of our leaders has left many civilians
barren. this can't stand. not here.
but the pro-bean party can end the
madness. vote for 4p y9 зъrvs ur
to eliminate the horrors of bean theft.
our universe needs your help
[Src]](https://pics.onsizzle.com/i-will-corrupt-your-beans-oh-no-not-my-beans-35592577.png)
![Sorry, Squad, and Watch Out: om right to lef t
It was a rainy day for Mr Giant
Sorry I'm late
KNOCK
KNOCK
All is in order
li
Journeying into a new land
Travellers by Studio Skies & Water
Elton D'Souza ART
A trade for a rare item.
Here you go
erhaps you d
like fo join me
Okay
A trade for an even rarer item
(0
A sword for
a shield?
And I get to join yous?
Travellers by Studio Skies & Water
Elton D'Souza ART
2
Sometimes you gotta watch out from above
Travellers by Studio Skies & Water
Elton D'Souza ART 3
COUGH
COUGH
Join us!
COUGH
We have
medicine
Thanks
I will
join squad
And so they journeyed
FIN
Travellers by Studio Skies & Water
Elton D'Souza ART 4
Travellers [OC]](https://pics.onsizzle.com/om-right-to-lef-t-it-was-a-rainy-day-35582914.png)
Animals, Beautiful, and Family: @caro_bearo
yesterday i convinced a boy that i am a
beet farmer by using quotes from the
office
Noto
Nate
Note
lot gosh
I love it*
You really like beets?
Yeah it's realy fun! First rule in
roadside beet salos, put the most
attractive beets on top, The ones
that make you pull the car over
and go, 'Wow, I need this beet
right now.Those are the money
boets. lovet
yop
That's cool
3201,123
Interesting
You know what they say, those
who can't farm, farm celery
My grandfather left mo a 60-acre
Working beet farm. Trun it with
my cousin Moso. We sell beets to
the local stores and restaurants
I don't farm but love nature. My
family built a cabin 50 years agc
no electricity. It's beautiful we
own about 75 acres
tlove it
132011 12 Pu
That's cool
13, 2012,
That's really cool 60 acre that's a
lot gosh
Igrow up on a farm.1 have seen
animals having sexin every
position imaginable. Goat on
chicken Chicken on goat. Couple
of chickens doing a goat, couple
of pigs watching
You know what they say, those
who cant farm, farm celery
a2217 11 33AM
Yeah it's realy fünl First rule in
roadside beet sales, put the most
attractive beets on top. The ones
that make you pull the car over
and go, Wow Ineed this beet
right now.Those aro the money
I don't farm but I love nature. My
family built a cabin 50 years ago
no electricity. It's beautiful we
own about 75 acres
Thats awesome
Type a Message.
Type a Message
О
Type altessage.."
omfg 😂😂 me on tinder
![Animals, Beautiful, and Family: @caro_bearo
yesterday i convinced a boy that i am a
beet farmer by using quotes from the
office
Noto
Nate
Note
lot gosh
I love it*
You really like beets?
Yeah it's realy fun! First rule in
roadside beet salos, put the most
attractive beets on top, The ones
that make you pull the car over
and go, 'Wow, I need this beet
right now.Those are the money
boets. lovet
yop
That's cool
3201,123
Interesting
You know what they say, those
who can't farm, farm celery
My grandfather left mo a 60-acre
Working beet farm. Trun it with
my cousin Moso. We sell beets to
the local stores and restaurants
I don't farm but love nature. My
family built a cabin 50 years agc
no electricity. It's beautiful we
own about 75 acres
tlove it
132011 12 Pu
That's cool
13, 2012,
That's really cool 60 acre that's a
lot gosh
Igrow up on a farm.1 have seen
animals having sexin every
position imaginable. Goat on
chicken Chicken on goat. Couple
of chickens doing a goat, couple
of pigs watching
You know what they say, those
who cant farm, farm celery
a2217 11 33AM
Yeah it's realy fünl First rule in
roadside beet sales, put the most
attractive beets on top. The ones
that make you pull the car over
and go, Wow Ineed this beet
right now.Those aro the money
I don't farm but I love nature. My
family built a cabin 50 years ago
no electricity. It's beautiful we
own about 75 acres
Thats awesome
Type a Message.
Type a Message
О
Type altessage.."
omfg 😂😂 me on tinder]()
omfg 😂😂 me on tinder
Book, Calc, and Fun: Have fun Y this
section b/c it
took me ashite
Dontgetfus terated
ot the popu-
To whoever left this in my calc book thanks for
the encouragement:))
of the tar
Example 5 in Section 2.7)
1992. (See
2.8
Exercises
1. On the given graph of f, mark len
f(2 + h), f(2 + h) - f(2), and
A bit of encouragement
![Book, Calc, and Fun: Have fun Y this
section b/c it
took me ashite
Dontgetfus terated
ot the popu-
To whoever left this in my calc book thanks for
the encouragement:))
of the tar
Example 5 in Section 2.7)
1992. (See
2.8
Exercises
1. On the given graph of f, mark len
f(2 + h), f(2 + h) - f(2), and
A bit of encouragement]()
A bit of encouragement
Memes, Aliens, and Trump: Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump
"People who enter the United States without
our permission are illegal aliens and illegal
aliens should not be treated the same as
people who enters the U.S. legally." Chuck
Schumer in 2009, before he went left and
haywire! @foxandfriends
8:44 AM-15 Aug 2018
What Changed?
I wonder what changed...
![Memes, Aliens, and Trump: Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump
"People who enter the United States without
our permission are illegal aliens and illegal
aliens should not be treated the same as
people who enters the U.S. legally." Chuck
Schumer in 2009, before he went left and
haywire! @foxandfriends
8:44 AM-15 Aug 2018
What Changed?
I wonder what changed...]()
I wonder what changed...
Advice, Ass, and Beautiful: But when I hugged my daughter good-bye, and watched her walk
down that city street, away from us, her family, her protectors,
it was like watching her walk straight out of her childhood.
And into the unknown. And suddenly, I was not fine.
fb/l Might Be Funny
My oldest child graduated from high school in June. A big milestone moment for a parent, right? She was accepted to her first choice college, and we were all so happy and everything was just fine.
And then this summer she worked to save money, and we talked about the things she would need for school. We bought new bedding for her dorm. And it was exciting and I was fine.
We bought storage drawers and a mini fridge. We ordered her textbooks online and shipped them to her dorm address. And still, I was fine.
Then yesterday we packed everything into the car, and set off for school. We moved her into a clean, bright, dorm. We had a lovely dinner with her new roommate, and it all should have been fine.
But when I hugged my daughter good-bye and watched her walk down that city street, away from us, her family, her protectors, it was like watching her walk straight out of her childhood. And into the unknown. And suddenly, I was not fine. So now, I’ll write.
It’s like I’ve been hit with the emotional equivalent of a hurricane. I mean, I figured I’d be sad when she left. You can’t spend every single day of 18 years with someone and then not miss them when they move away. Even if your kid is a pain in the ass. Which mine isn’t, by the way, which maybe makes it harder.
And I knew I would feel worry. Because up until now I pretty much knew where my child was at all times. I knew what time she went to bed, what time she woke up, and what she ate for breakfast. Now, overnight, she’s living in a big city and I don’t know when she came home, or if she remembered to bring a jacket. The only word I can think of to describe all of this not-knowing is…unsettling.
Along with the worry, strangely, is guilt. Second-guessing everything I ever did as a parent. Did I adequately prepare her for the “real” world? Did I scare her too much or not enough? Will she really keep the pepper spray in her backpack? Why didn’t I make her take a self-defense class? Does she even know how to mail a package?
Anger. I didn’t expect to feel anger. Yes, I am pissed off at the world right now for not preparing me for this. How many pieces of unsolicited advice do we get in our years of parenting? At every other milestone I felt inundated with information and opinions. People talk endlessly about how hard it is having a newborn, the toddler tantrums, picky eater preschoolers. The middle school years…mean girls, bullying. High school…peer pressure, drugs, academic stress. And so on. I mean, you can’t get people to SHUT UP about that stuff.
But when you mention your child is leaving for college, the response has been invariably, “Oh, how exciting!” Well, now that it’s happened I’m like, “Wait a minute! Why did NOBODY tell me, I mean REALLY tell me, that, THIS, THIS is the milestone that is the absolute HARDEST parenting time of all?” Not one single person said, “I’m so sorry, that’s totally going to suck for you.”
And of COURSE I am happy for her. And of COURSE I am excited for her. And no, I wouldn’t rather her stay home forever. But none of that mitigates the fact that for me, the mom, it does totally suck right now. So I am telling you now, young parents, because no one actually told me. It sucks. You’re welcome.
People say, “Oh, you’re lucky that her school is close to home,” which until yesterday, gave me some comfort. But I quickly realized that it doesn’t matter much if she’s not in her bedroom and she’s two hours away or she’s not in her bedroom and she’s ten hours away. Either way, she’s not in her bedroom. Either way, the house is too quiet.
I keep having this vision in my head of my little girl walking away, towards her building, and in this vision I’m fighting back tears and yelling, “WAIT! Turn around! Please, I’m not done yet. I need more time…just a little more time!”
But my time is up and all I can do is hope that I used it well.
And though my heart is heavy and my emotions are muddled, my head is clear, and I do know the truth of the matter. I may need just a little more time…but she doesn’t. She’s strong and she’s smart and she’s beautiful and she’s ready.
She’s all yours, world. Please treat her kindly.
(via I Might Be Funny)
![Advice, Ass, and Beautiful: But when I hugged my daughter good-bye, and watched her walk
down that city street, away from us, her family, her protectors,
it was like watching her walk straight out of her childhood.
And into the unknown. And suddenly, I was not fine.
fb/l Might Be Funny
My oldest child graduated from high school in June. A big milestone moment for a parent, right? She was accepted to her first choice college, and we were all so happy and everything was just fine.
And then this summer she worked to save money, and we talked about the things she would need for school. We bought new bedding for her dorm. And it was exciting and I was fine.
We bought storage drawers and a mini fridge. We ordered her textbooks online and shipped them to her dorm address. And still, I was fine.
Then yesterday we packed everything into the car, and set off for school. We moved her into a clean, bright, dorm. We had a lovely dinner with her new roommate, and it all should have been fine.
But when I hugged my daughter good-bye and watched her walk down that city street, away from us, her family, her protectors, it was like watching her walk straight out of her childhood. And into the unknown. And suddenly, I was not fine. So now, I’ll write.
It’s like I’ve been hit with the emotional equivalent of a hurricane. I mean, I figured I’d be sad when she left. You can’t spend every single day of 18 years with someone and then not miss them when they move away. Even if your kid is a pain in the ass. Which mine isn’t, by the way, which maybe makes it harder.
And I knew I would feel worry. Because up until now I pretty much knew where my child was at all times. I knew what time she went to bed, what time she woke up, and what she ate for breakfast. Now, overnight, she’s living in a big city and I don’t know when she came home, or if she remembered to bring a jacket. The only word I can think of to describe all of this not-knowing is…unsettling.
Along with the worry, strangely, is guilt. Second-guessing everything I ever did as a parent. Did I adequately prepare her for the “real” world? Did I scare her too much or not enough? Will she really keep the pepper spray in her backpack? Why didn’t I make her take a self-defense class? Does she even know how to mail a package?
Anger. I didn’t expect to feel anger. Yes, I am pissed off at the world right now for not preparing me for this. How many pieces of unsolicited advice do we get in our years of parenting? At every other milestone I felt inundated with information and opinions. People talk endlessly about how hard it is having a newborn, the toddler tantrums, picky eater preschoolers. The middle school years…mean girls, bullying. High school…peer pressure, drugs, academic stress. And so on. I mean, you can’t get people to SHUT UP about that stuff.
But when you mention your child is leaving for college, the response has been invariably, “Oh, how exciting!” Well, now that it’s happened I’m like, “Wait a minute! Why did NOBODY tell me, I mean REALLY tell me, that, THIS, THIS is the milestone that is the absolute HARDEST parenting time of all?” Not one single person said, “I’m so sorry, that’s totally going to suck for you.”
And of COURSE I am happy for her. And of COURSE I am excited for her. And no, I wouldn’t rather her stay home forever. But none of that mitigates the fact that for me, the mom, it does totally suck right now. So I am telling you now, young parents, because no one actually told me. It sucks. You’re welcome.
People say, “Oh, you’re lucky that her school is close to home,” which until yesterday, gave me some comfort. But I quickly realized that it doesn’t matter much if she’s not in her bedroom and she’s two hours away or she’s not in her bedroom and she’s ten hours away. Either way, she’s not in her bedroom. Either way, the house is too quiet.
I keep having this vision in my head of my little girl walking away, towards her building, and in this vision I’m fighting back tears and yelling, “WAIT! Turn around! Please, I’m not done yet. I need more time…just a little more time!”
But my time is up and all I can do is hope that I used it well.
And though my heart is heavy and my emotions are muddled, my head is clear, and I do know the truth of the matter. I may need just a little more time…but she doesn’t. She’s strong and she’s smart and she’s beautiful and she’s ready.
She’s all yours, world. Please treat her kindly.
(via I Might Be Funny)]()
My oldest child graduated from high school in June. A big milestone moment for a parent, right? She was accepted to her first choice college...
Cats, Memes, and Today: Bethany Jane McEyebrow
Follow
@omghonx
My ex boyfriend used to make cups of tea
with the milk first, I left him. He's in court
today for murdering cats. Trust your instincts
Psychopaths
1:40 PM - 14 Aug 2018
Always trust your instincts guys 😂
![Cats, Memes, and Today: Bethany Jane McEyebrow
Follow
@omghonx
My ex boyfriend used to make cups of tea
with the milk first, I left him. He's in court
today for murdering cats. Trust your instincts
Psychopaths
1:40 PM - 14 Aug 2018
Always trust your instincts guys 😂]()
Always trust your instincts guys 😂
Marshawn Lynch, Memes, and Oakland Raiders: 2018
MARSHAWN LYNCH
RB / OAKLAND RAIDERS
How many days left until #Kickoff2018?
@MoneyLynch days. 2⃣4⃣ https://t.co/rsq66jeHHf
![Marshawn Lynch, Memes, and Oakland Raiders: 2018
MARSHAWN LYNCH
RB / OAKLAND RAIDERS
How many days left until #Kickoff2018?
@MoneyLynch days. 2⃣4⃣ https://t.co/rsq66jeHHf]()
How many days left until #Kickoff2018? @MoneyLynch days. 2⃣4⃣ https://t.co/rsq66jeHHf
