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    Dating, Fire, and Head: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 DATING & SEX
 By David Borgenicht, Joshua Piven,
 and Ben H. Winters

 HOW TO SURVIVE
 IF YOU HAVE
 EXCESSIVE GAS
 1 Limit your lactose intake during the date
 Many people suffer from an inability to digest milk
 sugar, or lactose. Colon bacteria ferment the milk
 sugar, forming a gas that creates a bloated feeling
 Keep your intake to less than half a cup at a sitting,
 and avoid dairy products before your date
 2Eat a small meal.
 Eating a huge dinner on a date is a sure-fire way to
 precipitate gas
 3Avoid gas-forming foods.
 Bacteria ferment the indigestible carbohydrates in
 beans, broccoli, cabbage, and other vegetables and
 fruits into gases
 4
 Drink peppermint tea.
 Replace an after-dinner drink with a cup or two of
 peppermint tea. This herb may give you some relief
 from the gas discomfort that follows a meal.
 5
 Emit the gas in private.
 As a last resort, head to the bathroom. If you feel
 bloated but are unable to pass gas easily, you can facili-
 tate the emission of gas as follows

 Kneel on the floor, bend forward, and stretch your arms out in
 front of you. Keep your buttocks bigh in the air, forming a tri-
 angle with your upper body and the floor
 Place paper towels on the floor. Kneel on the towels,
 bend forward to the floor, and stretch your arms out in
 front of you. Keep your buttocks high in the air, form-
 ing a triangle with your upper body and the floor. This
 position will force out the unwanted gas and relieve
 the pressure.
novelty-gift-ideas:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating  Sex


    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Dating, Fire, and Head: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 DATING & SEX
 By David Borgenicht, Joshua Piven,
 and Ben H. Winters

 HOW TO SURVIVE
 IF YOU HAVE
 EXCESSIVE GAS
 1 Limit your lactose intake during the date
 Many people suffer from an inability to digest milk
 sugar, or lactose. Colon bacteria ferment the milk
 sugar, forming a gas that creates a bloated feeling
 Keep your intake to less than half a cup at a sitting,
 and avoid dairy products before your date
 2Eat a small meal.
 Eating a huge dinner on a date is a sure-fire way to
 precipitate gas
 3Avoid gas-forming foods.
 Bacteria ferment the indigestible carbohydrates in
 beans, broccoli, cabbage, and other vegetables and
 fruits into gases
 4
 Drink peppermint tea.
 Replace an after-dinner drink with a cup or two of
 peppermint tea. This herb may give you some relief
 from the gas discomfort that follows a meal.
 5
 Emit the gas in private.
 As a last resort, head to the bathroom. If you feel
 bloated but are unable to pass gas easily, you can facili-
 tate the emission of gas as follows

 Kneel on the floor, bend forward, and stretch your arms out in
 front of you. Keep your buttocks bigh in the air, forming a tri-
 angle with your upper body and the floor
 Place paper towels on the floor. Kneel on the towels,
 bend forward to the floor, and stretch your arms out in
 front of you. Keep your buttocks high in the air, form-
 ing a triangle with your upper body and the floor. This
 position will force out the unwanted gas and relieve
 the pressure.
novelty-gift-ideas:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating  Sex


                
            

            
            
novelty-gift-ideas:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating  Sex



            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            




    Dating, Fire, and Head: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 DATING & SEX
 By David Borgenicht, Joshua Piven,
 and Ben H. Winters

 HOW TO SURVIVE
 IF YOU HAVE
 EXCESSIVE GAS
 1 Limit your lactose intake during the date
 Many people suffer from an inability to digest milk
 sugar, or lactose. Colon bacteria ferment the milk
 sugar, forming a gas that creates a bloated feeling
 Keep your intake to less than half a cup at a sitting,
 and avoid dairy products before your date
 2Eat a small meal.
 Eating a huge dinner on a date is a sure-fire way to
 precipitate gas
 3Avoid gas-forming foods.
 Bacteria ferment the indigestible carbohydrates in
 beans, broccoli, cabbage, and other vegetables and
 fruits into gases
 4
 Drink peppermint tea.
 Replace an after-dinner drink with a cup or two of
 peppermint tea. This herb may give you some relief
 from the gas discomfort that follows a meal.
 5
 Emit the gas in private.
 As a last resort, head to the bathroom. If you feel
 bloated but are unable to pass gas easily, you can facili-
 tate the emission of gas as follows

 Kneel on the floor, bend forward, and stretch your arms out in
 front of you. Keep your buttocks bigh in the air, forming a tri-
 angle with your upper body and the floor
 Place paper towels on the floor. Kneel on the towels,
 bend forward to the floor, and stretch your arms out in
 front of you. Keep your buttocks high in the air, form-
 ing a triangle with your upper body and the floor. This
 position will force out the unwanted gas and relieve
 the pressure.
novelty-gift-ideas:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating  Sex


    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Dating, Fire, and Head: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 DATING & SEX
 By David Borgenicht, Joshua Piven,
 and Ben H. Winters

 HOW TO SURVIVE
 IF YOU HAVE
 EXCESSIVE GAS
 1 Limit your lactose intake during the date
 Many people suffer from an inability to digest milk
 sugar, or lactose. Colon bacteria ferment the milk
 sugar, forming a gas that creates a bloated feeling
 Keep your intake to less than half a cup at a sitting,
 and avoid dairy products before your date
 2Eat a small meal.
 Eating a huge dinner on a date is a sure-fire way to
 precipitate gas
 3Avoid gas-forming foods.
 Bacteria ferment the indigestible carbohydrates in
 beans, broccoli, cabbage, and other vegetables and
 fruits into gases
 4
 Drink peppermint tea.
 Replace an after-dinner drink with a cup or two of
 peppermint tea. This herb may give you some relief
 from the gas discomfort that follows a meal.
 5
 Emit the gas in private.
 As a last resort, head to the bathroom. If you feel
 bloated but are unable to pass gas easily, you can facili-
 tate the emission of gas as follows

 Kneel on the floor, bend forward, and stretch your arms out in
 front of you. Keep your buttocks bigh in the air, forming a tri-
 angle with your upper body and the floor
 Place paper towels on the floor. Kneel on the towels,
 bend forward to the floor, and stretch your arms out in
 front of you. Keep your buttocks high in the air, form-
 ing a triangle with your upper body and the floor. This
 position will force out the unwanted gas and relieve
 the pressure.
novelty-gift-ideas:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating  Sex


                
            

            
            
novelty-gift-ideas:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating  Sex



            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Friends, Head, and Movies: If a class was filled with every programming language, who
 would each programming language be?
 Assembly: He's the nerd. He speaks very quickly and uses
 short sentences. Very few people talk to him. He's considered
 to be an autist asperger by a majority of the class because he
 finishes the exams so quickly it's insane and he faces a lot of
 difficulties in speaking with others. He's at school but already
 dressed like an engineer
 Ada: She's a foureyes nerd. When she gets the answer shes
 doesn't make any mistake. Ada often corrects the teacher
 when she writes a line a little ambiguous. She's building a
 rocketship in her backyard and she's always speaking about
 this weird hobby
 Python: He's Mr Popular. He likes skate, brags about all the
 parties he's invited to. He's good in all the subjects taught in
 class but he'll do them a bit slower than the others. Everyone
 loves him because he explains things so well, sometimes the
 teacher herself asks Python to explain some part of the
 course. He's dressed with a hoodie, a baggy and glasses on
 the top of the head
 Java: She is one of the toppers of the class and very popular
 She's very good in all the topics. The teacher loves her but
 she's a very talkative person.
 Scala/Kotlin: They are twin sisters and the best friends of
 Java. Unfortunately, they are not as popular and it's often
 Java who takes the lead in the group. It's very difficult to
 distinguish one from another. Both are far less talkative than
 Java but Scala speaks a bit differently than Kotlin and Java
 C: He's the topper of the class. He's so fast in completing the
 exams that the teacher really thinks he's copying Assembly's
 work. He has a little brother C++ and they share a lot in
 common together. He's the chess major and often plays
 chess with Assembly and his big brother
 Go: He's the new kid on the bloc. He doesn't like C++ and his
 friends and he wants to prove he can do better than them. Of
 course, he prefers playing Go over Chess
 APL: He's a lonely guy. No one understands him when he
 speaks. Even the teacher is surprised when APL shows a
 correct answer after several lines of incomprehensible
 pictograms. People think that he was born in a foreign
 country... or a foreign planet?
 HTML/CSS: These twin brothers are very different. One is
 dressed in black and white and the other is dressed with
 everything except black and white. HTML is very talkative and
 annoying and the CSS is very artistic. CSS is the best student
 in Art lessons and HTML performs well in written expression.
 LaTeX: She's friend of HTML. The teacher likes her because
 she has a gift of writing. LaTeX likes the mathematical
 courses because she can draw fancy greek letters. The
 teacher knows this well and she is often asked to write a
 formula on the black board
 VBA: He's in the back, looking through the windows. Not
 really interested in the courses taught in class. In the exams
 he answers always with a table
 C#: He's in the back playing yet another game on his
 smartphone. He likes being next to the windows also
 JavaScript: People often mix up Java and JavaScript
 because they have a similar name. But they are definitly not
 the same. Javascript spends a lot of time with HTML and
 CSS. He's as artistic as CSS but he prefers things that move
 He likes actions and movies. CSS dreams to be a painter
 wheras JavaScript wants to be a film-maker
 Haskell: He's a goth. Dressed up in dark. Doesn't talk to
 anyone. He doesn't understand why others write pages when
 he can write a couple of lines to answer the same question
 Julia: She's the newest student here. She doesn't have any
 friends yet but her secret aim is to be as popular as Python
 and as fast as C
If Programming Language were students. Found on Quora
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Friends, Head, and Movies: If a class was filled with every programming language, who
 would each programming language be?
 Assembly: He's the nerd. He speaks very quickly and uses
 short sentences. Very few people talk to him. He's considered
 to be an autist asperger by a majority of the class because he
 finishes the exams so quickly it's insane and he faces a lot of
 difficulties in speaking with others. He's at school but already
 dressed like an engineer
 Ada: She's a foureyes nerd. When she gets the answer shes
 doesn't make any mistake. Ada often corrects the teacher
 when she writes a line a little ambiguous. She's building a
 rocketship in her backyard and she's always speaking about
 this weird hobby
 Python: He's Mr Popular. He likes skate, brags about all the
 parties he's invited to. He's good in all the subjects taught in
 class but he'll do them a bit slower than the others. Everyone
 loves him because he explains things so well, sometimes the
 teacher herself asks Python to explain some part of the
 course. He's dressed with a hoodie, a baggy and glasses on
 the top of the head
 Java: She is one of the toppers of the class and very popular
 She's very good in all the topics. The teacher loves her but
 she's a very talkative person.
 Scala/Kotlin: They are twin sisters and the best friends of
 Java. Unfortunately, they are not as popular and it's often
 Java who takes the lead in the group. It's very difficult to
 distinguish one from another. Both are far less talkative than
 Java but Scala speaks a bit differently than Kotlin and Java
 C: He's the topper of the class. He's so fast in completing the
 exams that the teacher really thinks he's copying Assembly's
 work. He has a little brother C++ and they share a lot in
 common together. He's the chess major and often plays
 chess with Assembly and his big brother
 Go: He's the new kid on the bloc. He doesn't like C++ and his
 friends and he wants to prove he can do better than them. Of
 course, he prefers playing Go over Chess
 APL: He's a lonely guy. No one understands him when he
 speaks. Even the teacher is surprised when APL shows a
 correct answer after several lines of incomprehensible
 pictograms. People think that he was born in a foreign
 country... or a foreign planet?
 HTML/CSS: These twin brothers are very different. One is
 dressed in black and white and the other is dressed with
 everything except black and white. HTML is very talkative and
 annoying and the CSS is very artistic. CSS is the best student
 in Art lessons and HTML performs well in written expression.
 LaTeX: She's friend of HTML. The teacher likes her because
 she has a gift of writing. LaTeX likes the mathematical
 courses because she can draw fancy greek letters. The
 teacher knows this well and she is often asked to write a
 formula on the black board
 VBA: He's in the back, looking through the windows. Not
 really interested in the courses taught in class. In the exams
 he answers always with a table
 C#: He's in the back playing yet another game on his
 smartphone. He likes being next to the windows also
 JavaScript: People often mix up Java and JavaScript
 because they have a similar name. But they are definitly not
 the same. Javascript spends a lot of time with HTML and
 CSS. He's as artistic as CSS but he prefers things that move
 He likes actions and movies. CSS dreams to be a painter
 wheras JavaScript wants to be a film-maker
 Haskell: He's a goth. Dressed up in dark. Doesn't talk to
 anyone. He doesn't understand why others write pages when
 he can write a couple of lines to answer the same question
 Julia: She's the newest student here. She doesn't have any
 friends yet but her secret aim is to be as popular as Python
 and as fast as C
If Programming Language were students. Found on Quora
                
            

            
            
If Programming Language were students. Found on Quora

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Aladdin, Candy, and Children: Toy Story: Andy's Parents Are Divorcing
 You never see the Dad
 They are moving (to a smaller house no less
 The Mom's wedding ring is off in the shot where she picks up the Burz box
 -Andy is introverted and emotionally attached to inanimate, masculine figures
 -They get a puppy (surprisingly common for divorcees)
 None of the babies in "Rugrats" actually exist, but they are all instead
 figments of Angelica's imagination, as result of her parent's
 negligence. Chuckie died with his mother, which explains how much
 of a nervous wreck his father is. Tommy was a stillborn baby, which
 explains why his father, Stu, was always in the basement making
 toys for the son he never had. Finally, the DeVilles had an abortion
 To compensate for not knowing the sex of the baby, Angelica
 invented twins in her head, one boy, one girl
 Willy Wonka knew those children would die in his factory, After Augustus gets
 sucked up the shoot, they all hop on board the boat through the tunnel of doom.
 The boat doesn't have two extra vacant seats thoughh Iit was designed with prior
 knowledge that they would lose two participants before that point. Later they
 drive a creanm spewing car with only four seats. Did they have another car
 waiting in the garage in case the others made it? Of course not. Willy Wonka
 uses children to make candy
 There's a scene in "Aladdin where Genie calls Aladdin's clothes 0
 3rd century. However, as we all know, the Genie was locked inside a
 lamp for the past 10,000 years, meaning that there is no way he could
 have known what the 3rd century was like.This means that Aladdin
 actually takes place in the FUTURE, in at least 10,300 AD. The movie
 itself is set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, one where only some
 Arabic culture has survived. The things called "magic" are actually just
 some of the technological marvels left behind by the previous
 civilization. These include flying carpets and genetically engineered
 parrots which can comprehend human speech instead of just mimicking
 it How else could the Genie do impressions of ancient, long-dead
 celebrities like Groucho Marx, Jack Nicholson, etc?
 Courage the Cowardly Dog is actually a normal dog
 and he sees the world through a dog's eyes. All the
 villains in the show are just normal people, but to a
 little dog they seem scary. They don't actually live in
 the middle of Nowhere, but since his owners are too
 old to take him outside for walks, he only knows
 what's around his immediate property, and everything
 beyond that is nothing because he's never seen it.
 Game begins with
 curtain opening
 shadows on
 Blocks bolted to
 more shadows
 on skyline
 Exit stage right;
 end of set
 Platforms hanging La
 from roof, sticking
 out through slots in
 backdrop running
 via hidden machines
 behind set
 Super Mario Bros. 3 never happened
 It was all just a stage show. A play
 Mario was never once in any real danger
 You were merely the audience
lolzandtrollz:

Oh No, My Poor Childhood Memories
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Aladdin, Candy, and Children: Toy Story: Andy's Parents Are Divorcing
 You never see the Dad
 They are moving (to a smaller house no less
 The Mom's wedding ring is off in the shot where she picks up the Burz box
 -Andy is introverted and emotionally attached to inanimate, masculine figures
 -They get a puppy (surprisingly common for divorcees)
 None of the babies in "Rugrats" actually exist, but they are all instead
 figments of Angelica's imagination, as result of her parent's
 negligence. Chuckie died with his mother, which explains how much
 of a nervous wreck his father is. Tommy was a stillborn baby, which
 explains why his father, Stu, was always in the basement making
 toys for the son he never had. Finally, the DeVilles had an abortion
 To compensate for not knowing the sex of the baby, Angelica
 invented twins in her head, one boy, one girl
 Willy Wonka knew those children would die in his factory, After Augustus gets
 sucked up the shoot, they all hop on board the boat through the tunnel of doom.
 The boat doesn't have two extra vacant seats thoughh Iit was designed with prior
 knowledge that they would lose two participants before that point. Later they
 drive a creanm spewing car with only four seats. Did they have another car
 waiting in the garage in case the others made it? Of course not. Willy Wonka
 uses children to make candy
 There's a scene in "Aladdin where Genie calls Aladdin's clothes 0
 3rd century. However, as we all know, the Genie was locked inside a
 lamp for the past 10,000 years, meaning that there is no way he could
 have known what the 3rd century was like.This means that Aladdin
 actually takes place in the FUTURE, in at least 10,300 AD. The movie
 itself is set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, one where only some
 Arabic culture has survived. The things called "magic" are actually just
 some of the technological marvels left behind by the previous
 civilization. These include flying carpets and genetically engineered
 parrots which can comprehend human speech instead of just mimicking
 it How else could the Genie do impressions of ancient, long-dead
 celebrities like Groucho Marx, Jack Nicholson, etc?
 Courage the Cowardly Dog is actually a normal dog
 and he sees the world through a dog's eyes. All the
 villains in the show are just normal people, but to a
 little dog they seem scary. They don't actually live in
 the middle of Nowhere, but since his owners are too
 old to take him outside for walks, he only knows
 what's around his immediate property, and everything
 beyond that is nothing because he's never seen it.
 Game begins with
 curtain opening
 shadows on
 Blocks bolted to
 more shadows
 on skyline
 Exit stage right;
 end of set
 Platforms hanging La
 from roof, sticking
 out through slots in
 backdrop running
 via hidden machines
 behind set
 Super Mario Bros. 3 never happened
 It was all just a stage show. A play
 Mario was never once in any real danger
 You were merely the audience
lolzandtrollz:

Oh No, My Poor Childhood Memories
                
            

            
            
lolzandtrollz:

Oh No, My Poor Childhood Memories

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Best Friend, Confused, and Dad: MAMMA, EVER SINCE
 I SAlV I'M ITALIAN,
 EVERYONE KEEP4
 TEA IN ME AND
 AGKING IF I'M IN THE
 MAFIA

 NEXT TIME
 TELL THEM

 THEN THEY
 WILL FEAK
 YOU.
2srooky:

giancarlovolpe:

Based on a true story.

this reminds me of a story that’s kind of an ongoing joke in my family. 
I’m half German, and my father’s side of the family is full blooded German. My father owns a business that deals with a lot of international calls, and during my early tween years he got a lot of business calls at all hours of the day and night from all over the world. 
Now, when i first met my best friends, I had them sleeping over at my house, and we were watching TV. Every few minutes the phone would ring, and our caller ID would project at the top of the television screen. 
I was bullied a lot as a kid, so my dad told me to tell people if they asked what my father did, that he was in the German Mafia.
So, naturally when my friends asked who was calling, I made the joke it was business cause my dad was in the German Mafia, and the joke stuck. 
And it spread, too. Middle school was filled with jokes about my family and the mafia, but they were just jokes. That I was in the mafia, my dad was a mafia boss, etc. etc.
Those jokes continued into high school, where, in my junior year I was in a big depressive spell. I wore my hair tied back from my face a lot, and in my history class, these jokes were cracked a little more often as we began our European Studies. One day, my History teacher, the most amazing teacher I had in high school, walked between me and my best friend, as our desks were right next to each other, while we had been making one of these jokes. 
He paused, and reached out, tapping my right temple twice while a huge, cheeky grin spread on his face and he just went. 
“Good to see you finished your induction.” and walked away.
I was confused, my best friend and I were staring at each other for a solid ten minutes before we got back to work. 
When I went home that night, I looked up a bunch of stuff about the German Mafia. The German Mafia would often do a tattoo of 3 dots on someone once they had finished their “trials” and were accepted. This was most often done in cases of murder, and other crimes. Where the tattoos were placed meant different things. Hands were the norm, but sometimes a tattoo would be placed on the face. 
These tattoos are now mostly outdated, and are usually just prison tattoos done for years/crimes committed in prison, but some branches of Russian, Cuban, and German mafias still use the three dot tattoos. 
I was flabbergasted for two reasons. One, that my teacher knew all of this about the German mafia, and, Two, that he pointed out the three freckles on my temple that make a perfect triangle. 
For the rest of my Junior and Senior year, the mafia jokes dwindled less and less, because people actually believed I was in the mafia. 
I never told them I wasn’t, either.

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Best Friend, Confused, and Dad: MAMMA, EVER SINCE
 I SAlV I'M ITALIAN,
 EVERYONE KEEP4
 TEA IN ME AND
 AGKING IF I'M IN THE
 MAFIA

 NEXT TIME
 TELL THEM

 THEN THEY
 WILL FEAK
 YOU.
2srooky:

giancarlovolpe:

Based on a true story.

this reminds me of a story that’s kind of an ongoing joke in my family. 
I’m half German, and my father’s side of the family is full blooded German. My father owns a business that deals with a lot of international calls, and during my early tween years he got a lot of business calls at all hours of the day and night from all over the world. 
Now, when i first met my best friends, I had them sleeping over at my house, and we were watching TV. Every few minutes the phone would ring, and our caller ID would project at the top of the television screen. 
I was bullied a lot as a kid, so my dad told me to tell people if they asked what my father did, that he was in the German Mafia.
So, naturally when my friends asked who was calling, I made the joke it was business cause my dad was in the German Mafia, and the joke stuck. 
And it spread, too. Middle school was filled with jokes about my family and the mafia, but they were just jokes. That I was in the mafia, my dad was a mafia boss, etc. etc.
Those jokes continued into high school, where, in my junior year I was in a big depressive spell. I wore my hair tied back from my face a lot, and in my history class, these jokes were cracked a little more often as we began our European Studies. One day, my History teacher, the most amazing teacher I had in high school, walked between me and my best friend, as our desks were right next to each other, while we had been making one of these jokes. 
He paused, and reached out, tapping my right temple twice while a huge, cheeky grin spread on his face and he just went. 
“Good to see you finished your induction.” and walked away.
I was confused, my best friend and I were staring at each other for a solid ten minutes before we got back to work. 
When I went home that night, I looked up a bunch of stuff about the German Mafia. The German Mafia would often do a tattoo of 3 dots on someone once they had finished their “trials” and were accepted. This was most often done in cases of murder, and other crimes. Where the tattoos were placed meant different things. Hands were the norm, but sometimes a tattoo would be placed on the face. 
These tattoos are now mostly outdated, and are usually just prison tattoos done for years/crimes committed in prison, but some branches of Russian, Cuban, and German mafias still use the three dot tattoos. 
I was flabbergasted for two reasons. One, that my teacher knew all of this about the German mafia, and, Two, that he pointed out the three freckles on my temple that make a perfect triangle. 
For the rest of my Junior and Senior year, the mafia jokes dwindled less and less, because people actually believed I was in the mafia. 
I never told them I wasn’t, either.

                
            

            
            
2srooky:

giancarlovolpe:

Based on a true story.

this reminds me of a story that’s kind of an ongoing joke in my family. 
I’m half German,...

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            




    Apple, Fresh, and Frozen: Hom fo
 mahe a smoothie
 Behold, the smoothie.
 A meal in a glass. And not just any meal. A fast one too.
 And done right, packed with vitamins, minerals, antioxidants
 healthy fats and so much more. Not only nutritious, but super delicious.
 Replace a meal such as breakfast or use it as a supplement or
 Stay healthy, lose weight, gain weight. Adapt it anyway you
 There's so much more to smoothies than fruit, yogurt and
 Here's how to make a smoothie- awesomel
 1 ADD FRUIT
 Choose at least 2 types of fruit- fresh or frozen. And for a super healthy
 smoothie - make it green, adding vegetables such as kale, spinach & arugula
 Barana
 BerriesPearl apple WatermelonPeach
 SpinachKale ugulaBoet greens Dandeion
 greens
 2 CHOOSE A BASE
 Add 1 2 Cups of liquid. The more juice your chosen fr
 have, the less liquid you need to add
 Fruit juiceIced coffee
 ced
 green tea
 Wator
 ricel almond
 soy mik
 water/ mik
 3 THICKEN UP
 Thicken your smoothie to get the right consistencyl creaminess
 whilst making it more nutritious
 Nut buter Yogurt/k e cream
 (e.g peanut) cottage cheese frozen yogurt cubes
 CoounutChiasood
 Oata
 meat poylium busksbeans
 4 FLAVOR IT
 Boost flavor with sweeteners, spices, fruits and herbs. Spices such as
 cinnamon add a layer of sweetness, without adding extra calories
 Honay
 Figs
 Dates
 Vanilal
 almond extract
 Nutmeg
 (eg minu basi)
 5 POWER BOOST
 Take your smoothie to the next level with highly nutritive superfoods
 Protein powder Fish ol Goj berries
 Sprouts Ground flaxsends
 VitaminSpirulnal
 powderwhealgrass aair
 green powderpowder
 you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com
srsfunny:Behold, The Smoothie
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Apple, Fresh, and Frozen: Hom fo
 mahe a smoothie
 Behold, the smoothie.
 A meal in a glass. And not just any meal. A fast one too.
 And done right, packed with vitamins, minerals, antioxidants
 healthy fats and so much more. Not only nutritious, but super delicious.
 Replace a meal such as breakfast or use it as a supplement or
 Stay healthy, lose weight, gain weight. Adapt it anyway you
 There's so much more to smoothies than fruit, yogurt and
 Here's how to make a smoothie- awesomel
 1 ADD FRUIT
 Choose at least 2 types of fruit- fresh or frozen. And for a super healthy
 smoothie - make it green, adding vegetables such as kale, spinach & arugula
 Barana
 BerriesPearl apple WatermelonPeach
 SpinachKale ugulaBoet greens Dandeion
 greens
 2 CHOOSE A BASE
 Add 1 2 Cups of liquid. The more juice your chosen fr
 have, the less liquid you need to add
 Fruit juiceIced coffee
 ced
 green tea
 Wator
 ricel almond
 soy mik
 water/ mik
 3 THICKEN UP
 Thicken your smoothie to get the right consistencyl creaminess
 whilst making it more nutritious
 Nut buter Yogurt/k e cream
 (e.g peanut) cottage cheese frozen yogurt cubes
 CoounutChiasood
 Oata
 meat poylium busksbeans
 4 FLAVOR IT
 Boost flavor with sweeteners, spices, fruits and herbs. Spices such as
 cinnamon add a layer of sweetness, without adding extra calories
 Honay
 Figs
 Dates
 Vanilal
 almond extract
 Nutmeg
 (eg minu basi)
 5 POWER BOOST
 Take your smoothie to the next level with highly nutritive superfoods
 Protein powder Fish ol Goj berries
 Sprouts Ground flaxsends
 VitaminSpirulnal
 powderwhealgrass aair
 green powderpowder
 you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com
srsfunny:Behold, The Smoothie
                
            

            
            
srsfunny:Behold, The Smoothie