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Anaconda, Billboard, and Facts: nickiminaj I see ppl remixing my words so let me post "exactly" what I said for the intelligent ones in the back Now, if you can find the part where I said "l made female rappers mainstream", I'll give you $100,000.00. blogs & tv shows don't care to do actual research these days, they only care about what grabs your attention. at anyone's expense Imagine me saying I made female rappers mainstream when there were so many women who already had platinum albums under their belts. Lauryn sold 10 million off one album, Eve had platinum singles w/Alicia, Gwen Stefani, her own tv show & clothing line. It doesn't get more mainstream/ pop than Missy's biggest singles. Foxy&Kim had platinum albums & shaped the sound of NY female rappers, Latifah had her own sitcom, Trina was on billboard with hits, etc- I appreciate the love but I never said that.ガ20潍now what I DID say is right here for anyone w/their own brain to decipher words on their own. I know it's hard in the social media band wagon era, but try. It's fun. . When I came out, there had been a drought of a few years where NO female rap album had gone platinum, females weren't getting budgets, the industry did NOT believe in the female rapper anymore. They had stopped generating MONEY for labels. Ask any rap historian or just anyone with a brain. These are facts and nothing but the facts. So l "REINTRODUCED" the "successful" female rapper back to POP CULTURE. Showed big business we were major players in the game just like the boys were. V ソ@ love you guys for holding me down but what's true is true & whats not is just simply not. ︶ update your blogs & tv shows with what I actually said please G9(ヴ. I can't believe this lil interview made it to tv. Haha. See u guys on tour next year. I got a cpl BIG surprises. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! ERTCOM From the desk of NickiMinaj (swipe)
Anaconda, Billboard, and Facts: nickiminaj I see ppl remixing my words so let me post
 "exactly" what I said for the intelligent ones in the back
 Now, if you can find the part where I said "l made female
 rappers mainstream", I'll give you $100,000.00. blogs &
 tv shows don't care to do actual research these days, they
 only care about what grabs your attention. at anyone's
 expense
 Imagine me saying I made female rappers mainstream when
 there were so many women who already had platinum
 albums under their belts. Lauryn sold 10 million off one
 album, Eve had platinum singles w/Alicia, Gwen Stefani, her
 own tv show & clothing line. It doesn't get more mainstream/
 pop than Missy's biggest singles. Foxy&Kim had platinum
 albums & shaped the sound of NY female rappers, Latifah
 had her own sitcom, Trina was on billboard with hits, etc-
 I appreciate the love but I never said that.ガ20潍now
 what I DID say is right here for anyone w/their own brain to
 decipher words on their own. I know it's hard in the social
 media band wagon era, but try. It's fun. . When I came
 out, there had been a drought of a few years where NO
 female rap album had gone platinum, females weren't
 getting budgets, the industry did NOT believe in the female
 rapper anymore. They had stopped generating MONEY for
 labels. Ask any rap historian or just anyone with a brain.
 These are facts and nothing but the facts. So l
 "REINTRODUCED" the "successful" female rapper back to
 POP CULTURE. Showed big business we were major players
 in the game just like the boys were. V ソ@ love you guys
 for holding me down but what's true is true & whats not is
 just simply not. ︶ update your blogs & tv shows with what I
 actually said please G9(ヴ. I can't believe this lil interview
 made it to tv. Haha. See u guys on tour next year. I got a cpl
 BIG surprises. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
 ERTCOM
From the desk of NickiMinaj (swipe)

From the desk of NickiMinaj (swipe)

Bless Up, Chance the Rapper, and Life: u/Fio_Fiddlesworth ld imgur So my Mom sold one of her schnauzer puppies to an aspiring photographer DrSmashlove So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice cream? About that. See there comes a time in yo life when u realize: u just ain’t about that life. It come at different times for different people. Some of u pretty ladies go to music festivals. And y’all got that friend Mandy. Mandy got a lil marketing gig in the city where she make a good wage. Went to a good school. Seem normal. But she different. U knew it when u hit Lollapalooza with her and watched her pop a Molly, pop three pills where she ain’t even know what pills they are, some cool white kid in a Larry Bird jersey just handed them to y’all so she took them, smoked a blunt, then snorted coke with that same kid in a port a potty. U seen her 15 min later vibing to Chance the Rapper while a lil bit of puke dribbled out the corner of her mouth while she looked around crazily and on that day, u had a realization: u ain’t bout that life. Mandy? Bout that life. U? Not about that life 😂. That’s me with ice cream. I went to Mariano super market. Grabbed some Ben and Jerry Cookie Dough. Seen it had 60 grams fat - 1,120 calories-pint. Gently caressed my 6 pack over my t shirt. And reflected on the fact that I’m just not bout that life. So I copped some skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. Each one got 160 calories. I eat two to get satisfied and that’s plenty. I gotta eat seven them b!tches to equal one pint of Ben and Jerry. I used to be bigger. Had a 36 waist. Ate whatever I wanted. I can’t go back to that place. I’m a new smash. U feel me? I’m in a different place. I’ll eat B + J once in a blue moon bc it (and Jeni’s) are still the GOATs but for daily use, imma stick to these skinny cows. P.s. Skinny cow please make them rectangular with a paper (not plastic) cover. On the rare occasion my mama bought us a box of generic ice cream sandwiches, peeling the paper off as it sticks to the ice cream on the side and then liiiiiicking it up the side was the best part. The adult equivalent is peeling the panties off a woman, seeing them stick to the Nani, and liiiiiiiicking...well, y’all get the point 🤗. Bless up! 😂😂😂
Bless Up, Chance the Rapper, and Life: u/Fio_Fiddlesworth ld imgur
 So my Mom sold one of her schnauzer
 puppies to an aspiring photographer
 DrSmashlove
So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice cream? About that. See there comes a time in yo life when u realize: u just ain’t about that life. It come at different times for different people. Some of u pretty ladies go to music festivals. And y’all got that friend Mandy. Mandy got a lil marketing gig in the city where she make a good wage. Went to a good school. Seem normal. But she different. U knew it when u hit Lollapalooza with her and watched her pop a Molly, pop three pills where she ain’t even know what pills they are, some cool white kid in a Larry Bird jersey just handed them to y’all so she took them, smoked a blunt, then snorted coke with that same kid in a port a potty. U seen her 15 min later vibing to Chance the Rapper while a lil bit of puke dribbled out the corner of her mouth while she looked around crazily and on that day, u had a realization: u ain’t bout that life. Mandy? Bout that life. U? Not about that life 😂. That’s me with ice cream. I went to Mariano super market. Grabbed some Ben and Jerry Cookie Dough. Seen it had 60 grams fat - 1,120 calories-pint. Gently caressed my 6 pack over my t shirt. And reflected on the fact that I’m just not bout that life. So I copped some skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. Each one got 160 calories. I eat two to get satisfied and that’s plenty. I gotta eat seven them b!tches to equal one pint of Ben and Jerry. I used to be bigger. Had a 36 waist. Ate whatever I wanted. I can’t go back to that place. I’m a new smash. U feel me? I’m in a different place. I’ll eat B + J once in a blue moon bc it (and Jeni’s) are still the GOATs but for daily use, imma stick to these skinny cows. P.s. Skinny cow please make them rectangular with a paper (not plastic) cover. On the rare occasion my mama bought us a box of generic ice cream sandwiches, peeling the paper off as it sticks to the ice cream on the side and then liiiiiicking it up the side was the best part. The adult equivalent is peeling the panties off a woman, seeing them stick to the Nani, and liiiiiiiicking...well, y’all get the point 🤗. Bless up! 😂😂😂

So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice crea...

Aww, Bless Up, and Emoji: r/aww u/ButZebrasCantSmell 18h i.redd.it This little guy followed me home and then fell asleep on my lap, so l guess I have a dog now @DrSmashlove See bruv it’s two reactions u get from ladies when u laying pipe for the first time and bust a lil early. Type 1: she hear u moan and groan and let loose the juice and she just do this grin: 😌. Like “it’s ok baby I understand 😌 this Nani feels like silk soaked in honey and coated in mango juice 😌 I don’t expect u to last more than a few strokes 😌 it’s the price of having A1 Nani 😌.” Like that’s literally what this emoji was based off of - it’s the “it’s ok my adorable Minute Man 😌” emoji 😂. Now then, Type 2: she ain’t playing bruv. Type 2 came here for some proper pipe and yo early arrival mean u just deprived her of the value of her investment. She ain’t having it. U let out half a moan - not even a full moan and groan - just literally “AHP-“ and her eyes turn red. Her face morph into the face of a she-devil 👹. Horns emerge straight on her head top. And she always say the same thing: “NOT...YET!!!! 👿” and then she hit u with the Type 2 leg lock Bruv. She wrap her arms and legs around u like: “YOU MINUTE MAN LOOKIN A$$ I’M NOT GON LET U PULL OUT IMMA HAVE YO BABY TO TEACH U A LESSON ABOUT BUSTING EARLY U THOUGHT SH!T WAS SWEET WELL LEMME TELL U HOW SWEET: EVERY TIME U LOOK IN THE FACE OF THIS BABY U GON REMEMBER THE TIME U THOUGHT IT WAS OK TO BUST AFTER A FEW STROKES - HELL NAW - NOW GIMME THIS WORK AND LET ME NAME THIS BABY WITHOUT CONSULTING U. “Zeena”. ISSA GREEK NAME THAT MEANS “stranger, guest” WHICH IS APPROPRIATE BECAUSE IMMA HAVE FULL CUSTODY AND U GON SHOW UP WITH MY MONTHLY SUPPORT AS A GUEST IN A CRIB *YOU* PAYING FOR HOWBOWDAH 👿.” And u thinking “naw baby relax it’s all good round 2 gon be amazing 😬” and she just like “sorry I had other plans after this, expect to get served with a DNA test in 9 months bless up.” Type 2 ladies imma need y’all to learn from yo Type 1 sisters. Embrace the fact that your Nani A1. Give him another chance. U ain’t gotta go off and have his baby to teach him a lesson - let him cool his jets and give u the bidness one mo ‘gain. And if he bust early, cut him off forever. AND THEN DM ME IMMEEJALLY BECAUSE IT MEAN U GOT THAT UNICORN NANI AND WE SHOULD GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHIRREN BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂
Aww, Bless Up, and Emoji: r/aww
 u/ButZebrasCantSmell 18h i.redd.it
 This little guy followed me home and
 then fell asleep on my lap, so l guess I
 have a dog now
 @DrSmashlove
See bruv it’s two reactions u get from ladies when u laying pipe for the first time and bust a lil early. Type 1: she hear u moan and groan and let loose the juice and she just do this grin: 😌. Like “it’s ok baby I understand 😌 this Nani feels like silk soaked in honey and coated in mango juice 😌 I don’t expect u to last more than a few strokes 😌 it’s the price of having A1 Nani 😌.” Like that’s literally what this emoji was based off of - it’s the “it’s ok my adorable Minute Man 😌” emoji 😂. Now then, Type 2: she ain’t playing bruv. Type 2 came here for some proper pipe and yo early arrival mean u just deprived her of the value of her investment. She ain’t having it. U let out half a moan - not even a full moan and groan - just literally “AHP-“ and her eyes turn red. Her face morph into the face of a she-devil 👹. Horns emerge straight on her head top. And she always say the same thing: “NOT...YET!!!! 👿” and then she hit u with the Type 2 leg lock Bruv. She wrap her arms and legs around u like: “YOU MINUTE MAN LOOKIN A$$ I’M NOT GON LET U PULL OUT IMMA HAVE YO BABY TO TEACH U A LESSON ABOUT BUSTING EARLY U THOUGHT SH!T WAS SWEET WELL LEMME TELL U HOW SWEET: EVERY TIME U LOOK IN THE FACE OF THIS BABY U GON REMEMBER THE TIME U THOUGHT IT WAS OK TO BUST AFTER A FEW STROKES - HELL NAW - NOW GIMME THIS WORK AND LET ME NAME THIS BABY WITHOUT CONSULTING U. “Zeena”. ISSA GREEK NAME THAT MEANS “stranger, guest” WHICH IS APPROPRIATE BECAUSE IMMA HAVE FULL CUSTODY AND U GON SHOW UP WITH MY MONTHLY SUPPORT AS A GUEST IN A CRIB *YOU* PAYING FOR HOWBOWDAH 👿.” And u thinking “naw baby relax it’s all good round 2 gon be amazing 😬” and she just like “sorry I had other plans after this, expect to get served with a DNA test in 9 months bless up.” Type 2 ladies imma need y’all to learn from yo Type 1 sisters. Embrace the fact that your Nani A1. Give him another chance. U ain’t gotta go off and have his baby to teach him a lesson - let him cool his jets and give u the bidness one mo ‘gain. And if he bust early, cut him off forever. AND THEN DM ME IMMEEJALLY BECAUSE IT MEAN U GOT THAT UNICORN NANI AND WE SHOULD GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHIRREN BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂

See bruv it’s two reactions u get from ladies when u laying pipe for the first time and bust a lil early. Type 1: she hear u moan and groan ...

Animals, Ass, and Be Like: u/AndrewY17 1d i.redd.it This is why i cant get house @DrSmashlove A lot of times at work when u ask somebody how they doing, they say “ok”, “eh”, “I’m alright”, “TIRED LOL”, “ugh”, “is it Friday yet”. U feel me? U reply in a slouchy, exhausted manner. But see Bruh one of my partners at the firm named Todd, he ain’t like that. He small. Real small, like if u had a running start and played soccer as a kid, u could punt the him across the city lol. But he always got a fresh haircut. Always rock a nice pastel Hermès tie with lil animals on it. Always got his shoes shined. And when u ask him how he doing, he got one reply, always: “KILLING IT.” I’m dead ass. That’s what he say every time: “KILLING IT” 😂. Sometimes he say it aggressively: “KILLING IT 😳.” Sometimes he say it in a sing-songy manner: “killing it ☺️.” But regardless, it’s always the same. Homeboy is a caveman. Don’t let the Ferragamo loafers fool u. He got his spear out and he ready to slay this MF Work. He ain’t doing work. He bout to GIVE U THIS WORK. U feel me? U GON GET ALL THIS WORK 😂. He gon talk his sh!t and he gon dance. And that’s what he do. I’ve pitched clients with him and dude’s talk game is majestic. He pitch clients in areas of work we never done before and he make it sound like this is all we do. I ask him “bruv. How did u just do that? We don’t even do this type of work?” And he say “smash, relax. We’ll ‘ham and egg’ it.” I don’t eat pork but I know exactly what dude mean and I say it all the time. It means “we’ll figure it out.” Be like Todd bruv. Get into work. Kill it. Never be intimidated by something u never done before. Identify a co worker with experience in this area and say “hey Karen can I take you to coffee and chat a little bit about a task I’ve been assigned that I haven’t done before?” She’ll never turn u down. NOBODY TURN DOWN FREE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES IN OCTOBER LOL. Investment: $4. Return on investment: immeasurable, because U gained a skill set. Kill it. Ham and Egg it. (Halal ham tho. Like ham made from beef 🤗😂). Be enthusiastic. Be a winner. U get me! Bless up! 😍😂😂😂
Animals, Ass, and Be Like: u/AndrewY17 1d i.redd.it
 This is why i cant get
 house
 @DrSmashlove
A lot of times at work when u ask somebody how they doing, they say “ok”, “eh”, “I’m alright”, “TIRED LOL”, “ugh”, “is it Friday yet”. U feel me? U reply in a slouchy, exhausted manner. But see Bruh one of my partners at the firm named Todd, he ain’t like that. He small. Real small, like if u had a running start and played soccer as a kid, u could punt the him across the city lol. But he always got a fresh haircut. Always rock a nice pastel Hermès tie with lil animals on it. Always got his shoes shined. And when u ask him how he doing, he got one reply, always: “KILLING IT.” I’m dead ass. That’s what he say every time: “KILLING IT” 😂. Sometimes he say it aggressively: “KILLING IT 😳.” Sometimes he say it in a sing-songy manner: “killing it ☺️.” But regardless, it’s always the same. Homeboy is a caveman. Don’t let the Ferragamo loafers fool u. He got his spear out and he ready to slay this MF Work. He ain’t doing work. He bout to GIVE U THIS WORK. U feel me? U GON GET ALL THIS WORK 😂. He gon talk his sh!t and he gon dance. And that’s what he do. I’ve pitched clients with him and dude’s talk game is majestic. He pitch clients in areas of work we never done before and he make it sound like this is all we do. I ask him “bruv. How did u just do that? We don’t even do this type of work?” And he say “smash, relax. We’ll ‘ham and egg’ it.” I don’t eat pork but I know exactly what dude mean and I say it all the time. It means “we’ll figure it out.” Be like Todd bruv. Get into work. Kill it. Never be intimidated by something u never done before. Identify a co worker with experience in this area and say “hey Karen can I take you to coffee and chat a little bit about a task I’ve been assigned that I haven’t done before?” She’ll never turn u down. NOBODY TURN DOWN FREE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES IN OCTOBER LOL. Investment: $4. Return on investment: immeasurable, because U gained a skill set. Kill it. Ham and Egg it. (Halal ham tho. Like ham made from beef 🤗😂). Be enthusiastic. Be a winner. U get me! Bless up! 😍😂😂😂

A lot of times at work when u ask somebody how they doing, they say “ok”, “eh”, “I’m alright”, “TIRED LOL”, “ugh”, “is it Friday yet”. U fee...

Ass, Barber, and Best Buy: .il Verizon 10:22 AM Text Message Today 9:30 AM Hey. What's. Up. Bro This. KeV in. KeV in who Be. At. Shop Lil. G. Barber. Shojp What. Time. You. Tryina. Meet. Up. Ima. Bring. The. Cocaine. And. 3 Poodles Did. You. Talk to. Any. One. At. Shop Just. Dwayne. But. You. Know. He. On. That. Gay. Shit. Always. Tryina. Put. It. In. Me. What ext Message StubHub Verizon 10:22 AM Did. You. Talk. To. Him. Bout. Mack. Pc Yea. But. Last. Time. I. Bought. A. Pc From. Him. It. Was. Filled. With. Animal. Pornography. And. I. Had. To. Return. It I. Brought. It. To. Best. Buy. To. See How. To. Get. It. Off. But. I. Had. To. Run Out. Cuz. They. Were. Looking. At. Me Weird. And. Talked. About. Calling. The Police. On. Me No. Call. Lil. Gee. He. Will. Explain You. Can't. Explain. Animal. Porn. Man Do. You.Know. How. Blown. I. Was When. I. Saw. This. Man. Giving. An Elephant. Head? And. I. Don't. Mean. Sucking. His. Trunk Know. Man. Not. Computer I. Mean. Literally. Putting. His. Head. In His. Ass. Man. You. Wild ext Message StubHub Verizon 10:22 AM Call. Gee Aight. Ima. Call. Him. Now I. Left. lt. At. Shop Yo. Whv. Gee. Said. He. Gonna. Lick My. Bootyhole. When. I. Get. There What. Kinda. Shit. You. Leave lts. Like. Shit. You. Can. Hook. Up. For. Music. An. Some other. Shit. Oh. That's. Why. Gee. Talking. About. Playing. My. Flute. And. Tickling. My Ivories I. Thought. He. Was. Trying. To. Toss. My. Salad. Again What's. Up. Man He. Got. It. At. Shop Okay. Ima. Come. Get. It. But. Call. And Tell. Gee. To. Stop. Talking. All. This Gav. Shit ext Message StubHub Verizon 10:22 AM Ivories . Thought. He. Was. Trying. To. Toss. My. Salad. Again What's. Up. Man He. Got. It. At. Shop Okay. Ima. Come. Get. It. But. Call. And Tell. Gee. To. Stop. Talking. All. This. Gay. Shit Tell. Him. My. Asshole. Is. Exit. Only Maybe. A. Tongue. Here. And. There But. That's. On. Special.Occasions. Only Yeah. Will. Do Will, Tell. Him Stop Thank. You. He. Needs. To. At. Least. Bring. Me. Flowers. Before. He. Tries To. Get. Me. To. Spread. Eagle. For. Him ext Message StubHub Wrong. Text. Troll.
Ass, Barber, and Best Buy: .il Verizon
 10:22 AM
 Text Message
 Today 9:30 AM
 Hey. What's. Up. Bro
 This. KeV in.
 KeV in who
 Be. At. Shop
 Lil. G. Barber. Shojp
 What. Time. You. Tryina. Meet. Up.
 Ima. Bring. The. Cocaine. And. 3
 Poodles
 Did. You. Talk to. Any. One. At. Shop
 Just. Dwayne. But. You. Know. He. On.
 That. Gay. Shit. Always. Tryina. Put. It.
 In. Me.
 What
 ext Message
 StubHub

 Verizon
 10:22 AM
 Did. You. Talk. To. Him. Bout. Mack. Pc
 Yea. But. Last. Time. I. Bought. A. Pc
 From. Him. It. Was. Filled. With. Animal.
 Pornography. And. I. Had. To. Return. It
 I. Brought. It. To. Best. Buy. To. See
 How. To. Get. It. Off. But. I. Had. To. Run
 Out. Cuz. They. Were. Looking. At. Me
 Weird. And. Talked. About. Calling. The
 Police. On. Me
 No. Call. Lil. Gee. He. Will. Explain
 You. Can't. Explain. Animal. Porn. Man
 Do. You.Know. How. Blown. I. Was
 When. I. Saw. This. Man. Giving. An
 Elephant. Head?
 And. I. Don't. Mean. Sucking. His. Trunk
 Know. Man. Not. Computer
 I. Mean. Literally. Putting. His. Head. In
 His. Ass.
 Man. You. Wild
 ext Message
 StubHub

 Verizon
 10:22 AM
 Call. Gee
 Aight. Ima. Call. Him. Now
 I. Left. lt. At. Shop
 Yo. Whv. Gee. Said. He. Gonna. Lick
 My. Bootyhole. When. I. Get. There
 What. Kinda. Shit. You. Leave
 lts. Like. Shit. You. Can. Hook. Up. For.
 Music. An. Some other. Shit.
 Oh. That's. Why. Gee. Talking. About.
 Playing. My. Flute. And. Tickling. My
 Ivories
 I. Thought. He. Was. Trying. To. Toss.
 My. Salad. Again
 What's. Up. Man
 He. Got. It. At. Shop
 Okay. Ima. Come. Get. It. But. Call. And
 Tell. Gee. To. Stop. Talking. All. This
 Gav. Shit
 ext Message
 StubHub

 Verizon
 10:22 AM
 Ivories
 . Thought. He. Was. Trying. To. Toss.
 My. Salad. Again
 What's. Up. Man
 He. Got. It. At. Shop
 Okay. Ima. Come. Get. It. But. Call. And
 Tell. Gee. To. Stop. Talking. All. This.
 Gay. Shit
 Tell. Him. My. Asshole. Is. Exit. Only
 Maybe. A. Tongue. Here. And. There
 But. That's. On. Special.Occasions.
 Only
 Yeah. Will. Do
 Will, Tell. Him
 Stop
 Thank. You. He. Needs. To. At. Least.
 Bring. Me. Flowers. Before. He. Tries
 To. Get. Me. To. Spread. Eagle. For. Him
 ext Message
 StubHub
Wrong. Text. Troll.

Wrong. Text. Troll.

Asian, Ass, and Baseball: My tow truck driver and his lil buddy. Pic: reddit u/Slowhand09 @DrSmashlove Aight. Two real quick follow-ups on my post about girls and sports (from Sunday.) First, I take back the comment about hairy armpits on women. Ladies - if u love yo natural body - I love it too. Or if u identify as a gender that doesn’t match your biological sex (thank u to my lil homegirl for explaining this to me), I love u too. If u EVER come to this page and feel “othered” or ostracized, tell me! It’s never my intent. Sometimes my lack of intellect and understanding translates the love in my heart into words that can be hurtful, and I ALWAYS expect y’all to teach me and educate me so I can be a better man out here. Second, I implied that the prototypic female sports fan has a blond pony tail sticking out the back of her baseball cap. My extremely wise sister from another mister @tamashar quickly pointed out that she’s a football fan and does not, in fact, have a blond pony tail. It is axiomatic that it’s sisters out here that love sports. The thing is, when I write, I imagine a story in my head, and I type it out and give it to y’all. So I imagined a loud ass blond girl at a Wrigleyville bar in a faded cubs cap wearing her ex boyfriend’s oversized J Crew hoodie (that she kept because FVCK HIM 🤗) barking loudly and drunkenly about her favorite (and least favorite) cubs players: “OMG GET RID OF PEDRO STROP ALREADY HE’S SUCH A - *WHY* DOES MADDON PUT HIM IN - HE SUCKS - CAN I GET A STELLA OR WHAT I NEED A DRINKY - Oh shit Kelly - kyle texted me - gotta go lol cover my beer baby byeeeee” <— if u got a girl like this in yo squad, tag her 🤗. Anyway I never meant to exclude my sisters, my Latinas, my Asian home girls, etc - they all got ladies that will school u - smash is never exclusionary only inclusionary. That’s all I got. Now don’t comment “SMASH STOP APOLOGIZING” - I don’t do it to be politically correct! (scroll back and tell me if I’ve EVER been politically correct 😂) - I make these statement to show GROWTH and I hope I never stop growing! I’ve always been a grower 🍌 bless up 😍😂😂😂
Asian, Ass, and Baseball: My tow truck driver and his lil buddy.
 Pic: reddit u/Slowhand09
 @DrSmashlove
Aight. Two real quick follow-ups on my post about girls and sports (from Sunday.) First, I take back the comment about hairy armpits on women. Ladies - if u love yo natural body - I love it too. Or if u identify as a gender that doesn’t match your biological sex (thank u to my lil homegirl for explaining this to me), I love u too. If u EVER come to this page and feel “othered” or ostracized, tell me! It’s never my intent. Sometimes my lack of intellect and understanding translates the love in my heart into words that can be hurtful, and I ALWAYS expect y’all to teach me and educate me so I can be a better man out here. Second, I implied that the prototypic female sports fan has a blond pony tail sticking out the back of her baseball cap. My extremely wise sister from another mister @tamashar quickly pointed out that she’s a football fan and does not, in fact, have a blond pony tail. It is axiomatic that it’s sisters out here that love sports. The thing is, when I write, I imagine a story in my head, and I type it out and give it to y’all. So I imagined a loud ass blond girl at a Wrigleyville bar in a faded cubs cap wearing her ex boyfriend’s oversized J Crew hoodie (that she kept because FVCK HIM 🤗) barking loudly and drunkenly about her favorite (and least favorite) cubs players: “OMG GET RID OF PEDRO STROP ALREADY HE’S SUCH A - *WHY* DOES MADDON PUT HIM IN - HE SUCKS - CAN I GET A STELLA OR WHAT I NEED A DRINKY - Oh shit Kelly - kyle texted me - gotta go lol cover my beer baby byeeeee” <— if u got a girl like this in yo squad, tag her 🤗. Anyway I never meant to exclude my sisters, my Latinas, my Asian home girls, etc - they all got ladies that will school u - smash is never exclusionary only inclusionary. That’s all I got. Now don’t comment “SMASH STOP APOLOGIZING” - I don’t do it to be politically correct! (scroll back and tell me if I’ve EVER been politically correct 😂) - I make these statement to show GROWTH and I hope I never stop growing! I’ve always been a grower 🍌 bless up 😍😂😂😂

Aight. Two real quick follow-ups on my post about girls and sports (from Sunday.) First, I take back the comment about hairy armpits on wome...

Bad, Halo, and Life: u/Hjaaal ld i.redd.it now hug me human! @DrSmashlove Life update: I’ve tried all the healthy ice creams bruv. Halo Top. Enlightened. Arctic Zero. And I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that they all suck 🤗😂. Not edible. Not creamy or dreamy enuf. Simply not satisfying. It’s like when you break up with yo ex and date a whole bunch of duds and then u just like “I miss my ex, imma take them back even tho they ain’t good for me because they SPICY 🤗”. That’s Ben and Jerry’s bruv. Yes they got 3,892 calories per pint. And 582 grams of fat. And some crack. Like literally in the ingredients it say “sugarly, heavenly sugar; milkariffic milk from happy cows who listen to the Grateful Dead all day and inhale dab fumes; and a touch of crack. Just a touch! 👌 A lil Vermont Crack for love, just like Jerry Garcia used to like it ☺️. Cookie dough. Maltodextrin (sorry, we can’t have this goodness go bad on you, pilgrim!) 😇” Smfh. Ben and Jerry we can’t eat no regular ice cream now. Y’all done ruined us. If every bite don’t have chunks of real brownie batter, waffle cone, almonds, fudge swirl, creamy caramel, and a touch of illegal hallucinogens, we don’t want it. Y’all are the cot damn Shaq PP of the ice cream industry. We went Shaq and it ain’t no going back. We open now. Criminals 😞😂😂😂
Bad, Halo, and Life: u/Hjaaal ld i.redd.it
 now hug me human!
 @DrSmashlove
Life update: I’ve tried all the healthy ice creams bruv. Halo Top. Enlightened. Arctic Zero. And I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that they all suck 🤗😂. Not edible. Not creamy or dreamy enuf. Simply not satisfying. It’s like when you break up with yo ex and date a whole bunch of duds and then u just like “I miss my ex, imma take them back even tho they ain’t good for me because they SPICY 🤗”. That’s Ben and Jerry’s bruv. Yes they got 3,892 calories per pint. And 582 grams of fat. And some crack. Like literally in the ingredients it say “sugarly, heavenly sugar; milkariffic milk from happy cows who listen to the Grateful Dead all day and inhale dab fumes; and a touch of crack. Just a touch! 👌 A lil Vermont Crack for love, just like Jerry Garcia used to like it ☺️. Cookie dough. Maltodextrin (sorry, we can’t have this goodness go bad on you, pilgrim!) 😇” Smfh. Ben and Jerry we can’t eat no regular ice cream now. Y’all done ruined us. If every bite don’t have chunks of real brownie batter, waffle cone, almonds, fudge swirl, creamy caramel, and a touch of illegal hallucinogens, we don’t want it. Y’all are the cot damn Shaq PP of the ice cream industry. We went Shaq and it ain’t no going back. We open now. Criminals 😞😂😂😂

Life update: I’ve tried all the healthy ice creams bruv. Halo Top. Enlightened. Arctic Zero. And I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that...