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Another One, Bad, and Bad Boys: Crayola e With Preferred by Teachers ar E CRAYONS 24 homestuckpatternreference: iamthesylveon: f-e-f-e-t-a-c-a-k-e-s: gryphynshadow: silencingthedrums: zeaky: sliceofbri: DID YOU MOTHERFUCKERS REALLY THINK YOU WERE DONE WITH ME? I THINK NOT. THAT’S RIGHT IT’S THE SUGAR SCRUB CHICK BACK WITH ANOTHER FUCKING TUTORIAL. YOU BITCHES HAVE BEEN ASKING ME FOR AGES TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE FUCKING POSTS AND IT’S FUCKING LATE SO HERE YOU GO FUCKERS WE GON LEARN SOME SHIT SO SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET SO WE ALL WANT LIPS RED AS THE BLOOD OF ANGRY MEN RIGHT AND WHO DOESN’T FUCKING LIKE ARTS AND CRAFTS AND I DON’T EVEN NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND LIPSTICK FOR FUCKING COSPLAY SO BEHOLD THE HUMBLE CRAYON YOU LITTLE SHITS GET A CRAYON. AND NOT JUST ANY CRAYON A FUCKING CRAYOLA CRAYON DON’T EVEN TRY WITH THAT ROSEART SHIT BECAUSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RIP OUT YOUR UVULA. IF YOU WANNA GET REALLY ARTSY WHIP OUT ONE OF THESE BAD BOYS  AND BREAK UP SOME CRAYONS TO GET THE PERFECT SHADE OF BLUE GREEN FOR THAT BADASS COSPLAY YOU’VE GOT PICKED OUT BUT MARK MY WORDS NO MORE THAN ONE FUCKING CRAYON’S WORTH OF BITS BETTER GO INTO THIS FUCKING BOWL. SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU NEED SOME OTHER FUCKING SHIT IN THERE SO GO GET SOME OIL. THE GOOD STUFF. I’M TALKING EVOO BITCHES THE VIRGINAL BLOOD OF THE MOST TENDER OLIVES IN ALL THE LAND. SQUEEZE SOME OF THAT HEAVENLY LUBRICANT INTO YOUR BOWL, ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON, THAT’LL DO PIG, THAT’LL DO. NOW GO FIND SOME SHEA BUTTER OR COCONUT OIL AND GLOP ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON OF THAT IN YOUR BOWL. NOW GO TO YOUR MAGICAL CABINET OF WONDERS AND FIND SOME NICE SMELLING SHIT. COULD BE VANILLA EXTRACT. COULD BE LAVENDER OIL. I DON’T KNOW BRO WHATEVER YOU THINK SMELLS LIKE THE SILKY UNDERBELLY OF A NEWBORN UNICORN(important note make sure you use a FOOD SAFE oil if it doesn’t say it’s food safe/food grade don’t use it!) GRASP THE BOTTLE FIRMLY, SCREAM LIKE A VICTORIOUS PTERODACTYL, AND DROP 1-4 DROPS OF THAT SWEET SMELLING LIQUID IN THERE. I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE IT IS THE HEATING VESSEL FOR YOUR GLORIOUS LIPSTICK THAT’S RIGHT LIKE A VIKING WARLORD YOU ARE GOING TO USE A DOUBLE BOILER. SO GET A SAUCEPAN AND HEAT SOME WATER, THEN PLOP THAT SWEET SMELLING BOWL OF OIL AND WAX ON TOP OF THAT STEAMY WATER LIKE THE COLLISION OF YOUR OTP IN A BAD FANFIC OH YEAH. STIR THAT SHIT UNTIL EVERYTHING IS MELTY AND SMOOTH YOU DON’T WANT TO RUIN YOUR SPOONS SO I USE A DISPOSABLE CHOPSTICK FUCK YEAH RECYCLING NOW ONCE THAT SHIT IS SOFT LIKE THE SUPPLE SKIN OF YOUR HEAVENLY BOOTY, YOU NEED SOMETHING TO POUR IT INTO WELL DAMN GOOD THING YOU PICKED UP SOME CONTACT CASES LAST TIME YOU WERE AT THE STORE OR MAYBE YOU HAVE SOME EMPTY CHAPSTICK TUBES OR JUST SOME SMALL TUPPERWARE I DON’T KNOW BUT GOSH YOU ARE SO RESOURCEFUL AND PRETTY YOU DESERVE NICE LIPSTICK LIKE THIS ALSO TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOU THIS WEEKEND AND NEVER FORGET HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU I’M GLAD WE HAD THAT MOMENT TOGETHER NOW BECAUSE NOTHING IS MORE METAL THAN SAFETY, TAKE A THICK HAND TOWEL OR AN OVEN MITT OR SOMETHING AND GRIP THAT BOWL OF COLORFUL GOOP AND POUR GENTLY INTO THAT RECEPTACLE YOU PROCURED. YOU WILL PROBABLY SPILL SOME BUT THAT’S OKAY YOU’RE ONLY HUMAN. POP THAT SHIT IN THE FRIDGE BECAUSE YOU’RE AN IMPATIENT MOTHERFUCKER AND YOU WANT YOUR LIPSTICK NOW GODDAMMIT AND ONCE IT HARDENS SLATHER THAT CREAMY GOODNESS ON THICK, SLIDE ON SOME SUNGLASSES, AND HEAD INTO BATTLE TO DESTROY THE PATRIARCHY CLASS DISMISSED MOTHERFUCKERS DO NOT DO THIS. DO NOT DO THIS. DO NOT DO THIS. NO DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS, CRYON HAS A LOT OF FUCKING LEAD IN IT (four times more than lipstick) PLEASE JUST BUY ACTUAL LIPSTICK. There’s no lead in crayola crayons. Kids eat them. The ingredients in Crayola Crayons are: paraffin, wax, and pigment. They’re made with the understanding that some kids will eat the damn things, so the company that makes Crayons has been very very careful to use non-toxic materials, even going so far as to use a special edible glue on the paper labels. (cornstarch and water, fyi) You can eat Crayons, if you really wanted to, but frankly the flavor’s a little bland. They taste like wax. So, yeah. adding oils with a lower solidification temperature like Olive Oil or Grapeseed or Avocado, and mixing in some Shea or Coconut Butter would make a creamy crayon. Which you could use on your skin, if you wanted. Go wild, use that shit on more than just lips. Use it like theatrical makeup, paint your tits blue if you want. Or use it like paint on the walls, or paper, or canvas. It won’t dry the same way acrylic or watercolor paint will, and will remain ‘workable’ and pliable until the oil looses enough water to solidify, much like, oh, off the top of my head… oil paint. Modern oil paints are very similar to the recipe above, though usually done with Linseed oil or other inert non-organic oils. Organic oils, as they dry, can discolor, making your carefully chosen color look off. Why are some really old painting slightly yellow? Partly the varnish has yellowed, partly airborne pollutants have stained the surface, and partly the oil in the original paint has shifted color. BTW, don’t eat Linseed oil, you’ll get the runs something fierce and regret it a lot. And then you get to go to the doctor and explain why your runny poo is brightly colored. But the amount you’d ingest from lipstick made with crayons? Negligible. Now I really want to make a set of rainbow lipstick to match my rainbow collection of nail polish (which is way more toxic than crayon lipstick, too.) so what you’re saying is i could buy a fuckton of grey crayns and have grey body paint i think i know where that’s going i think we all know where that’s going
Another One, Bad, and Bad Boys: Crayola
 e With
 Preferred by Teachers
 ar E
 CRAYONS
 24
homestuckpatternreference:

iamthesylveon:

f-e-f-e-t-a-c-a-k-e-s:

gryphynshadow:

silencingthedrums:

zeaky:

sliceofbri:

DID YOU MOTHERFUCKERS REALLY THINK YOU WERE DONE WITH ME? I THINK NOT. THAT’S RIGHT IT’S THE SUGAR SCRUB CHICK BACK WITH ANOTHER FUCKING TUTORIAL. YOU BITCHES HAVE BEEN ASKING ME FOR AGES TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE FUCKING POSTS AND IT’S FUCKING LATE SO HERE YOU GO FUCKERS WE GON LEARN SOME SHIT SO SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET

SO WE ALL WANT LIPS RED AS THE BLOOD OF ANGRY MEN RIGHT AND WHO DOESN’T FUCKING LIKE ARTS AND CRAFTS AND I DON’T EVEN NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND LIPSTICK FOR FUCKING COSPLAY SO BEHOLD THE HUMBLE CRAYON YOU LITTLE SHITS

GET A CRAYON. AND NOT JUST ANY CRAYON A FUCKING CRAYOLA CRAYON DON’T EVEN TRY WITH THAT ROSEART SHIT BECAUSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RIP OUT YOUR UVULA. IF YOU WANNA GET REALLY ARTSY WHIP OUT ONE OF THESE BAD BOYS 

AND BREAK UP SOME CRAYONS TO GET THE PERFECT SHADE OF BLUE GREEN FOR THAT BADASS COSPLAY YOU’VE GOT PICKED OUT BUT MARK MY WORDS NO MORE THAN ONE FUCKING CRAYON’S WORTH OF BITS BETTER GO INTO THIS FUCKING BOWL.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU NEED SOME OTHER FUCKING SHIT IN THERE SO GO GET SOME OIL. THE GOOD STUFF. I’M TALKING EVOO BITCHES THE VIRGINAL BLOOD OF THE MOST TENDER OLIVES IN ALL THE LAND. SQUEEZE SOME OF THAT HEAVENLY LUBRICANT INTO YOUR BOWL, ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON, THAT’LL DO PIG, THAT’LL DO. NOW GO FIND SOME SHEA BUTTER OR COCONUT OIL AND GLOP ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON OF THAT IN YOUR BOWL. NOW GO TO YOUR MAGICAL CABINET OF WONDERS AND FIND SOME NICE SMELLING SHIT. COULD BE VANILLA EXTRACT. COULD BE LAVENDER OIL. I DON’T KNOW BRO WHATEVER YOU THINK SMELLS LIKE THE SILKY UNDERBELLY OF A NEWBORN UNICORN(important note make sure you use a FOOD SAFE oil if it doesn’t say it’s food safe/food grade don’t use it!) GRASP THE BOTTLE FIRMLY, SCREAM LIKE A VICTORIOUS PTERODACTYL, AND DROP 1-4 DROPS OF THAT SWEET SMELLING LIQUID IN THERE.

I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE IT IS THE HEATING VESSEL FOR YOUR GLORIOUS LIPSTICK THAT’S RIGHT LIKE A VIKING WARLORD YOU ARE GOING TO USE A DOUBLE BOILER. SO GET A SAUCEPAN AND HEAT SOME WATER, THEN PLOP THAT SWEET SMELLING BOWL OF OIL AND WAX ON TOP OF THAT STEAMY WATER LIKE THE COLLISION OF YOUR OTP IN A BAD FANFIC OH YEAH. STIR THAT SHIT UNTIL EVERYTHING IS MELTY AND SMOOTH YOU DON’T WANT TO RUIN YOUR SPOONS SO I USE A DISPOSABLE CHOPSTICK FUCK YEAH RECYCLING NOW ONCE THAT SHIT IS SOFT LIKE THE SUPPLE SKIN OF YOUR HEAVENLY BOOTY, YOU NEED SOMETHING TO POUR IT INTO

WELL DAMN GOOD THING YOU PICKED UP SOME CONTACT CASES LAST TIME YOU WERE AT THE STORE OR MAYBE YOU HAVE SOME EMPTY CHAPSTICK TUBES OR JUST SOME SMALL TUPPERWARE I DON’T KNOW BUT GOSH YOU ARE SO RESOURCEFUL AND PRETTY YOU DESERVE NICE LIPSTICK LIKE THIS ALSO TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOU THIS WEEKEND AND NEVER FORGET HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU
I’M GLAD WE HAD THAT MOMENT TOGETHER NOW BECAUSE NOTHING IS MORE METAL THAN SAFETY, TAKE A THICK HAND TOWEL OR AN OVEN MITT OR SOMETHING AND GRIP THAT BOWL OF COLORFUL GOOP AND POUR GENTLY INTO THAT RECEPTACLE YOU PROCURED. YOU WILL PROBABLY SPILL SOME BUT THAT’S OKAY YOU’RE ONLY HUMAN. POP THAT SHIT IN THE FRIDGE BECAUSE YOU’RE AN IMPATIENT MOTHERFUCKER AND YOU WANT YOUR LIPSTICK NOW GODDAMMIT AND ONCE IT HARDENS SLATHER THAT CREAMY GOODNESS ON THICK, SLIDE ON SOME SUNGLASSES, AND HEAD INTO BATTLE TO DESTROY THE PATRIARCHY CLASS DISMISSED MOTHERFUCKERS

DO NOT DO THIS.
DO NOT DO THIS.
DO NOT DO THIS.
NO DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS, CRYON HAS A LOT OF FUCKING LEAD IN IT (four times more than lipstick) PLEASE JUST BUY ACTUAL LIPSTICK.

There’s no lead in crayola crayons. Kids eat them.

The ingredients in Crayola Crayons are: paraffin, wax, and pigment. They’re made with the understanding that some kids will eat the damn things, so the company that makes Crayons has been very very careful to use non-toxic materials, even going so far as to use a special edible glue on the paper labels. (cornstarch and water, fyi)
You can eat Crayons, if you really wanted to, but frankly the flavor’s a little bland. They taste like wax. So, yeah. adding oils with a lower solidification temperature like Olive Oil or Grapeseed or Avocado, and mixing in some Shea or Coconut Butter would make a creamy crayon. Which you could use on your skin, if you wanted.
Go wild, use that shit on more than just lips. Use it like theatrical makeup, paint your tits blue if you want. Or use it like paint on the walls, or paper, or canvas. It won’t dry the same way acrylic or watercolor paint will, and will remain ‘workable’ and pliable until the oil looses enough water to solidify, much like, oh, off the top of my head… oil paint.
Modern oil paints are very similar to the recipe above, though usually done with Linseed oil or other inert non-organic oils. Organic oils, as they dry, can discolor, making your carefully chosen color look off. Why are some really old painting slightly yellow? Partly the varnish has yellowed, partly airborne pollutants have stained the surface, and partly the oil in the original paint has shifted color.
BTW, don’t eat Linseed oil, you’ll get the runs something fierce and regret it a lot. And then you get to go to the doctor and explain why your runny poo is brightly colored. But the amount you’d ingest from lipstick made with crayons? Negligible.
Now I really want to make a set of rainbow lipstick to match my rainbow collection of nail polish (which is way more toxic than crayon lipstick, too.)

so what you’re saying is
i could buy a fuckton of grey crayns
and have grey body paint

i think i know where that’s going

i think we all know where that’s going

homestuckpatternreference: iamthesylveon: f-e-f-e-t-a-c-a-k-e-s: gryphynshadow: silencingthedrums: zeaky: sliceofbri: DID YOU MOTHERF...

Children, Funny, and Saw: 21 Best One-Liner Jokes Ever 1. I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves 2. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain 3. My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant 4. Don't let an extra chromosome get you down 5. I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her. 6. People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now 7. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down 8. Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes 9. My wife and I were happy for twenty years, then we met 10. I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long 11. The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything." 12. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo 13. Say what you want about deaf people 14. I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no one will do it 15. I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade." 16. I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there 17. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust 18. People say I'm condescending. That means i talk down to people 19. You can never lose a homing pigeon if your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a pigeon 20. Whiteboards are remarkable 21. I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over. epicjohndoe: One-Liner Jokes That Are Actually Funny
Children, Funny, and Saw: 21 Best One-Liner Jokes Ever
 1. I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves
 2. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said
 he couldn't complain
 3. My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and
 applied Lubricant
 4. Don't let an extra chromosome get you down
 5. I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to
 interrupt her.
 6. People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to
 be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now
 7. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had
 to put my foot down
 8. Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes
 9. My wife and I were happy for twenty years, then we met
 10. I haven't slept for three days, because that would be
 too long
 11. The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought
 to myself "This changes everything."
 12. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime
 ban from the local zoo
 13. Say what you want about deaf people
 14. I've spent the past four years looking for my
 ex-girlfriend's killer, but no one will do it
 15. I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I
 thought, "That sounds like a fair trade."
 16. I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing
 from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there
 17. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was
 doing was gathering dust
 18. People say I'm condescending. That means i talk down
 to people
 19. You can never lose a homing pigeon if your homing
 pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a pigeon
 20. Whiteboards are remarkable
 21. I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help
 check her balance, so I pushed her over.
epicjohndoe:

One-Liner Jokes That Are Actually Funny

epicjohndoe: One-Liner Jokes That Are Actually Funny

Anaconda, Children, and Tumblr: So I carry this with me in my purse for when i have sugar cravings... I haven't used this in a month or so... but... I just now looked at the ingredients... only put a small amount on my finger essentially just put it on my tongue... thoughts? Keto? Sucralose.... DIRECTIONS: Pump a small amount of the lubricant onto your fingers, and apply it either to the vagina, the penis, or a toy prior to sexual activity. Use more lubricant as needed DO NOT USE IF QUALITY SEAL IS LOOSE BROKEN, OR MISSING.NO ANIMAL TESTING DISCONTINUE USE IF IRRITATION OCCURS. KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN. MADE IN THE USA MODE D'EMPLO Pomper une petite quantité de lubrifiant sur les doigts et appliquer sur le vagin, le pénis ou un jouet sexuel avant activité sexuelle. Utiliser plus de lubrifiant si nécessaire. NE PAS UTILISER SI LE SCEAU DE QUALITE EST LACHE, BRISÉ OU MANQUANT NON-TESTÉ SUR LES ANIMAUX INTER- ROMPRE LUSAGE SI UNE IRRITATION MANIFESTE GARDER DES ENFANTS, F LA POR AUX ETATS-UNIS INGREDIENTS: Water (eau), Carthamus Tinctorius (Safflower) Seed Oil, Triglyceride, Glycerin, Cety Helanthus Annuus (Sunflower Giyceryl Stearate, Stearic Acid, Flavor (aro- ma), PEG-100 Stearate. Behenvl Alcohol ) Seed Ol <p><a href="http://memehumor.net/post/168048174268/this-lube-is-my-go-to-purse-snack-but-is-it-keto" class="tumblr_blog">memehumor</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>This lube is my go-to purse snack. BUT IS IT KETO?</p></blockquote>
Anaconda, Children, and Tumblr: So I carry this with me in my purse for when i have
 sugar cravings... I haven't used this in a month or so...
 but... I just now looked at the ingredients... only put a
 small amount on my finger essentially just put it on my
 tongue... thoughts? Keto? Sucralose....
 DIRECTIONS: Pump a small amount of the
 lubricant onto your fingers, and apply it either
 to the vagina, the penis, or a toy prior to
 sexual activity. Use more lubricant as needed
 DO NOT USE IF QUALITY SEAL IS LOOSE
 BROKEN, OR MISSING.NO ANIMAL TESTING
 DISCONTINUE USE IF IRRITATION OCCURS.
 KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN. MADE
 IN THE USA
 MODE D'EMPLO Pomper une petite quantité
 de lubrifiant sur les doigts et appliquer sur le
 vagin, le pénis ou un jouet sexuel avant activité
 sexuelle. Utiliser plus de lubrifiant si nécessaire.
 NE PAS UTILISER SI LE SCEAU DE QUALITE
 EST LACHE, BRISÉ OU MANQUANT
 NON-TESTÉ SUR LES ANIMAUX INTER-
 ROMPRE LUSAGE SI UNE IRRITATION
 MANIFESTE GARDER
 DES ENFANTS, F
 LA POR
 AUX ETATS-UNIS
 INGREDIENTS: Water (eau), Carthamus
 Tinctorius (Safflower) Seed Oil,
 Triglyceride, Glycerin, Cety
 Helanthus Annuus (Sunflower
 Giyceryl Stearate, Stearic Acid, Flavor (aro-
 ma), PEG-100 Stearate. Behenvl Alcohol
 ) Seed Ol
<p><a href="http://memehumor.net/post/168048174268/this-lube-is-my-go-to-purse-snack-but-is-it-keto" class="tumblr_blog">memehumor</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>This lube is my go-to purse snack. BUT IS IT KETO?</p></blockquote>

memehumor: This lube is my go-to purse snack. BUT IS IT KETO?

Another One, Bad, and Bad Boys: Crayola e With Preferred by Teachers ar E CRAYONS 24 homestuckpatternreference: iamthesylveon: f-e-f-e-t-a-c-a-k-e-s: gryphynshadow: silencingthedrums: zeaky: sliceofbri: DID YOU MOTHERFUCKERS REALLY THINK YOU WERE DONE WITH ME? I THINK NOT. THAT’S RIGHT IT’S THE SUGAR SCRUB CHICK BACK WITH ANOTHER FUCKING TUTORIAL. YOU BITCHES HAVE BEEN ASKING ME FOR AGES TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE FUCKING POSTS AND IT’S FUCKING LATE SO HERE YOU GO FUCKERS WE GON LEARN SOME SHIT SO SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET SO WE ALL WANT LIPS RED AS THE BLOOD OF ANGRY MEN RIGHT AND WHO DOESN’T FUCKING LIKE ARTS AND CRAFTS AND I DON’T EVEN NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND LIPSTICK FOR FUCKING COSPLAY SO BEHOLD THE HUMBLE CRAYON YOU LITTLE SHITS GET A CRAYON. AND NOT JUST ANY CRAYON A FUCKING CRAYOLA CRAYON DON’T EVEN TRY WITH THAT ROSEART SHIT BECAUSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RIP OUT YOUR UVULA. IF YOU WANNA GET REALLY ARTSY WHIP OUT ONE OF THESE BAD BOYS  AND BREAK UP SOME CRAYONS TO GET THE PERFECT SHADE OF BLUE GREEN FOR THAT BADASS COSPLAY YOU’VE GOT PICKED OUT BUT MARK MY WORDS NO MORE THAN ONE FUCKING CRAYON’S WORTH OF BITS BETTER GO INTO THIS FUCKING BOWL. SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU NEED SOME OTHER FUCKING SHIT IN THERE SO GO GET SOME OIL. THE GOOD STUFF. I’M TALKING EVOO BITCHES THE VIRGINAL BLOOD OF THE MOST TENDER OLIVES IN ALL THE LAND. SQUEEZE SOME OF THAT HEAVENLY LUBRICANT INTO YOUR BOWL, ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON, THAT’LL DO PIG, THAT’LL DO. NOW GO FIND SOME SHEA BUTTER OR COCONUT OIL AND GLOP ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON OF THAT IN YOUR BOWL. NOW GO TO YOUR MAGICAL CABINET OF WONDERS AND FIND SOME NICE SMELLING SHIT. COULD BE VANILLA EXTRACT. COULD BE LAVENDER OIL. I DON’T KNOW BRO WHATEVER YOU THINK SMELLS LIKE THE SILKY UNDERBELLY OF A NEWBORN UNICORN(important note make sure you use a FOOD SAFE oil if it doesn’t say it’s food safe/food grade don’t use it!) GRASP THE BOTTLE FIRMLY, SCREAM LIKE A VICTORIOUS PTERODACTYL, AND DROP 1-4 DROPS OF THAT SWEET SMELLING LIQUID IN THERE. I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE IT IS THE HEATING VESSEL FOR YOUR GLORIOUS LIPSTICK THAT’S RIGHT LIKE A VIKING WARLORD YOU ARE GOING TO USE A DOUBLE BOILER. SO GET A SAUCEPAN AND HEAT SOME WATER, THEN PLOP THAT SWEET SMELLING BOWL OF OIL AND WAX ON TOP OF THAT STEAMY WATER LIKE THE COLLISION OF YOUR OTP IN A BAD FANFIC OH YEAH. STIR THAT SHIT UNTIL EVERYTHING IS MELTY AND SMOOTH YOU DON’T WANT TO RUIN YOUR SPOONS SO I USE A DISPOSABLE CHOPSTICK FUCK YEAH RECYCLING NOW ONCE THAT SHIT IS SOFT LIKE THE SUPPLE SKIN OF YOUR HEAVENLY BOOTY, YOU NEED SOMETHING TO POUR IT INTO WELL DAMN GOOD THING YOU PICKED UP SOME CONTACT CASES LAST TIME YOU WERE AT THE STORE OR MAYBE YOU HAVE SOME EMPTY CHAPSTICK TUBES OR JUST SOME SMALL TUPPERWARE I DON’T KNOW BUT GOSH YOU ARE SO RESOURCEFUL AND PRETTY YOU DESERVE NICE LIPSTICK LIKE THIS ALSO TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOU THIS WEEKEND AND NEVER FORGET HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU I’M GLAD WE HAD THAT MOMENT TOGETHER NOW BECAUSE NOTHING IS MORE METAL THAN SAFETY, TAKE A THICK HAND TOWEL OR AN OVEN MITT OR SOMETHING AND GRIP THAT BOWL OF COLORFUL GOOP AND POUR GENTLY INTO THAT RECEPTACLE YOU PROCURED. YOU WILL PROBABLY SPILL SOME BUT THAT’S OKAY YOU’RE ONLY HUMAN. POP THAT SHIT IN THE FRIDGE BECAUSE YOU’RE AN IMPATIENT MOTHERFUCKER AND YOU WANT YOUR LIPSTICK NOW GODDAMMIT AND ONCE IT HARDENS SLATHER THAT CREAMY GOODNESS ON THICK, SLIDE ON SOME SUNGLASSES, AND HEAD INTO BATTLE TO DESTROY THE PATRIARCHY CLASS DISMISSED MOTHERFUCKERS DO NOT DO THIS. DO NOT DO THIS. DO NOT DO THIS. NO DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS, CRYON HAS A LOT OF FUCKING LEAD IN IT (four times more than lipstick) PLEASE JUST BUY ACTUAL LIPSTICK. There’s no lead in crayola crayons. Kids eat them. The ingredients in Crayola Crayons are: paraffin, wax, and pigment. They’re made with the understanding that some kids will eat the damn things, so the company that makes Crayons has been very very careful to use non-toxic materials, even going so far as to use a special edible glue on the paper labels. (cornstarch and water, fyi) You can eat Crayons, if you really wanted to, but frankly the flavor’s a little bland. They taste like wax. So, yeah. adding oils with a lower solidification temperature like Olive Oil or Grapeseed or Avocado, and mixing in some Shea or Coconut Butter would make a creamy crayon. Which you could use on your skin, if you wanted. Go wild, use that shit on more than just lips. Use it like theatrical makeup, paint your tits blue if you want. Or use it like paint on the walls, or paper, or canvas. It won’t dry the same way acrylic or watercolor paint will, and will remain ‘workable’ and pliable until the oil looses enough water to solidify, much like, oh, off the top of my head… oil paint. Modern oil paints are very similar to the recipe above, though usually done with Linseed oil or other inert non-organic oils. Organic oils, as they dry, can discolor, making your carefully chosen color look off. Why are some really old painting slightly yellow? Partly the varnish has yellowed, partly airborne pollutants have stained the surface, and partly the oil in the original paint has shifted color. BTW, don’t eat Linseed oil, you’ll get the runs something fierce and regret it a lot. And then you get to go to the doctor and explain why your runny poo is brightly colored. But the amount you’d ingest from lipstick made with crayons? Negligible. Now I really want to make a set of rainbow lipstick to match my rainbow collection of nail polish (which is way more toxic than crayon lipstick, too.) so what you’re saying is i could buy a fuckton of grey crayns and have grey body paint i think i know where that’s going i think we all know where that’s going
Another One, Bad, and Bad Boys: Crayola
 e With
 Preferred by Teachers
 ar E
 CRAYONS
 24
homestuckpatternreference:

iamthesylveon:

f-e-f-e-t-a-c-a-k-e-s:

gryphynshadow:

silencingthedrums:

zeaky:

sliceofbri:

DID YOU MOTHERFUCKERS REALLY THINK YOU WERE DONE WITH ME? I THINK NOT. THAT’S RIGHT IT’S THE SUGAR SCRUB CHICK BACK WITH ANOTHER FUCKING TUTORIAL. YOU BITCHES HAVE BEEN ASKING ME FOR AGES TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE FUCKING POSTS AND IT’S FUCKING LATE SO HERE YOU GO FUCKERS WE GON LEARN SOME SHIT SO SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET

SO WE ALL WANT LIPS RED AS THE BLOOD OF ANGRY MEN RIGHT AND WHO DOESN’T FUCKING LIKE ARTS AND CRAFTS AND I DON’T EVEN NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND LIPSTICK FOR FUCKING COSPLAY SO BEHOLD THE HUMBLE CRAYON YOU LITTLE SHITS

GET A CRAYON. AND NOT JUST ANY CRAYON A FUCKING CRAYOLA CRAYON DON’T EVEN TRY WITH THAT ROSEART SHIT BECAUSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RIP OUT YOUR UVULA. IF YOU WANNA GET REALLY ARTSY WHIP OUT ONE OF THESE BAD BOYS 

AND BREAK UP SOME CRAYONS TO GET THE PERFECT SHADE OF BLUE GREEN FOR THAT BADASS COSPLAY YOU’VE GOT PICKED OUT BUT MARK MY WORDS NO MORE THAN ONE FUCKING CRAYON’S WORTH OF BITS BETTER GO INTO THIS FUCKING BOWL.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU NEED SOME OTHER FUCKING SHIT IN THERE SO GO GET SOME OIL. THE GOOD STUFF. I’M TALKING EVOO BITCHES THE VIRGINAL BLOOD OF THE MOST TENDER OLIVES IN ALL THE LAND. SQUEEZE SOME OF THAT HEAVENLY LUBRICANT INTO YOUR BOWL, ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON, THAT’LL DO PIG, THAT’LL DO. NOW GO FIND SOME SHEA BUTTER OR COCONUT OIL AND GLOP ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON OF THAT IN YOUR BOWL. NOW GO TO YOUR MAGICAL CABINET OF WONDERS AND FIND SOME NICE SMELLING SHIT. COULD BE VANILLA EXTRACT. COULD BE LAVENDER OIL. I DON’T KNOW BRO WHATEVER YOU THINK SMELLS LIKE THE SILKY UNDERBELLY OF A NEWBORN UNICORN(important note make sure you use a FOOD SAFE oil if it doesn’t say it’s food safe/food grade don’t use it!) GRASP THE BOTTLE FIRMLY, SCREAM LIKE A VICTORIOUS PTERODACTYL, AND DROP 1-4 DROPS OF THAT SWEET SMELLING LIQUID IN THERE.

I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE IT IS THE HEATING VESSEL FOR YOUR GLORIOUS LIPSTICK THAT’S RIGHT LIKE A VIKING WARLORD YOU ARE GOING TO USE A DOUBLE BOILER. SO GET A SAUCEPAN AND HEAT SOME WATER, THEN PLOP THAT SWEET SMELLING BOWL OF OIL AND WAX ON TOP OF THAT STEAMY WATER LIKE THE COLLISION OF YOUR OTP IN A BAD FANFIC OH YEAH. STIR THAT SHIT UNTIL EVERYTHING IS MELTY AND SMOOTH YOU DON’T WANT TO RUIN YOUR SPOONS SO I USE A DISPOSABLE CHOPSTICK FUCK YEAH RECYCLING NOW ONCE THAT SHIT IS SOFT LIKE THE SUPPLE SKIN OF YOUR HEAVENLY BOOTY, YOU NEED SOMETHING TO POUR IT INTO

WELL DAMN GOOD THING YOU PICKED UP SOME CONTACT CASES LAST TIME YOU WERE AT THE STORE OR MAYBE YOU HAVE SOME EMPTY CHAPSTICK TUBES OR JUST SOME SMALL TUPPERWARE I DON’T KNOW BUT GOSH YOU ARE SO RESOURCEFUL AND PRETTY YOU DESERVE NICE LIPSTICK LIKE THIS ALSO TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOU THIS WEEKEND AND NEVER FORGET HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU
I’M GLAD WE HAD THAT MOMENT TOGETHER NOW BECAUSE NOTHING IS MORE METAL THAN SAFETY, TAKE A THICK HAND TOWEL OR AN OVEN MITT OR SOMETHING AND GRIP THAT BOWL OF COLORFUL GOOP AND POUR GENTLY INTO THAT RECEPTACLE YOU PROCURED. YOU WILL PROBABLY SPILL SOME BUT THAT’S OKAY YOU’RE ONLY HUMAN. POP THAT SHIT IN THE FRIDGE BECAUSE YOU’RE AN IMPATIENT MOTHERFUCKER AND YOU WANT YOUR LIPSTICK NOW GODDAMMIT AND ONCE IT HARDENS SLATHER THAT CREAMY GOODNESS ON THICK, SLIDE ON SOME SUNGLASSES, AND HEAD INTO BATTLE TO DESTROY THE PATRIARCHY CLASS DISMISSED MOTHERFUCKERS

DO NOT DO THIS.
DO NOT DO THIS.
DO NOT DO THIS.
NO DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS, CRYON HAS A LOT OF FUCKING LEAD IN IT (four times more than lipstick) PLEASE JUST BUY ACTUAL LIPSTICK.

There’s no lead in crayola crayons. Kids eat them.

The ingredients in Crayola Crayons are: paraffin, wax, and pigment. They’re made with the understanding that some kids will eat the damn things, so the company that makes Crayons has been very very careful to use non-toxic materials, even going so far as to use a special edible glue on the paper labels. (cornstarch and water, fyi)
You can eat Crayons, if you really wanted to, but frankly the flavor’s a little bland. They taste like wax. So, yeah. adding oils with a lower solidification temperature like Olive Oil or Grapeseed or Avocado, and mixing in some Shea or Coconut Butter would make a creamy crayon. Which you could use on your skin, if you wanted.
Go wild, use that shit on more than just lips. Use it like theatrical makeup, paint your tits blue if you want. Or use it like paint on the walls, or paper, or canvas. It won’t dry the same way acrylic or watercolor paint will, and will remain ‘workable’ and pliable until the oil looses enough water to solidify, much like, oh, off the top of my head… oil paint.
Modern oil paints are very similar to the recipe above, though usually done with Linseed oil or other inert non-organic oils. Organic oils, as they dry, can discolor, making your carefully chosen color look off. Why are some really old painting slightly yellow? Partly the varnish has yellowed, partly airborne pollutants have stained the surface, and partly the oil in the original paint has shifted color.
BTW, don’t eat Linseed oil, you’ll get the runs something fierce and regret it a lot. And then you get to go to the doctor and explain why your runny poo is brightly colored. But the amount you’d ingest from lipstick made with crayons? Negligible.
Now I really want to make a set of rainbow lipstick to match my rainbow collection of nail polish (which is way more toxic than crayon lipstick, too.)

so what you’re saying is
i could buy a fuckton of grey crayns
and have grey body paint

i think i know where that’s going

i think we all know where that’s going

homestuckpatternreference: iamthesylveon: f-e-f-e-t-a-c-a-k-e-s: gryphynshadow: silencingthedrums: zeaky: sliceofbri: DID YOU MOTHERF...

Animals, Apparently, and Birthday: Based Lubricant, 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg .Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014 Size: 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day. Then we brought out the Slip n Slide. The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide. The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun. I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying. When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper. Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that. novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes
Animals, Apparently, and Birthday: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

Animals, Apparently, and Birthday: Based Lubricant, 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg .Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014 Size: 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day. Then we brought out the Slip n Slide. The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide. The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun. I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying. When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper. Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that. novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes
Animals, Apparently, and Birthday: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

Animals, Apparently, and Birthday: Based Lubricant, 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg .Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014 Size: 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day. Then we brought out the Slip n Slide. The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide. The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun. I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying. When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper. Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that. <p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/"> Passion Lubes </a></b><br/></p></blockquote>
Animals, Apparently, and Birthday: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
<p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/">

Passion Lubes

</a></b><br/></p></blockquote>

novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

Animals, Apparently, and Birthday: Based Lubricant, 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg .Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014 Size: 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day. Then we brought out the Slip n Slide. The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide. The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun. I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying. When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper. Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that. novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes
Animals, Apparently, and Birthday: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

Animals, Apparently, and Birthday: Based Lubricant, 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg .Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014 Size: 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day. Then we brought out the Slip n Slide. The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide. The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun. I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying. When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper. Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that. novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes
Animals, Apparently, and Birthday: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

Animals, Apparently, and Birthday: Based Lubricant, 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg .Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014 Size: 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day. Then we brought out the Slip n Slide. The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide. The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun. I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying. When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper. Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that. <p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/"> Passion Lubes </a></b><br/></p></blockquote>
Animals, Apparently, and Birthday: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
<p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/">

Passion Lubes

</a></b><br/></p></blockquote>

novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

Animals, Apparently, and Birthday: Based Lubricant, 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg .Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014 Size: 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day. Then we brought out the Slip n Slide. The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide. The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun. I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying. When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper. Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that. novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes
Animals, Apparently, and Birthday: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

Bad, Club, and Crying: 1.The entry point is lower down thant expected those things should 2l thought I had ripped her open and had my hand in her intestines. T hada basic idea of what a vagina looked like from sex ed in the eventh grede whenl touched my first one in freshmanyear, it wes ecereszing. The texture, dampness, and heat made me freakout because I thought I had ripped her open and had my hand in her intestines I ws reaching ino her jeans to finger her, so ddnt see what was going on. But yeah, freaked me out a bit. 3. was like my finger fellinto a perfectly warm fluffy dollop of My surprise has been ever since and it amazes me to this day First time inat third base, we were young, super turned-on and both fairly virginaLI have never since that day felt any lady bits that were that saft end moist. It was like my finger felinto a perfectly warm flufly dolop at whipped cream. Ah, to be 14 again Thoroughly amazing that now, 26 years and heaps of experience later it is one of my most vivid semual memories. On that note, scuse me I gotta go presented with Looked Ike a busted leather sofa, stuffed with bacon 5, it was like working back at the fish farm spawn tanks all over Thankfully lstıll had a ber of licorice soap Seriousy, it gets vagoo off 6 MOI ST " . It was, hot day,绅魂felt like Singapore in there. .That the term "being wet is so inaccurate. Simy would be more legs, like a man's bals Like she was carryinga purse round down 2. That she didn't have a dick was my cousin, we were tiny. I'd not seen a girl naked before, I figured everyone had one. Kinda freaked out. It got worse, though In the couple months afterwards Isaw 2 other girls naked. By this point I was starting to notice a pattern I've seen 4 people naked, and rm the only one with this floppy stuff in front of my legs. Clearly I must have a defect. Sal went crying ta my grandpa about how I needed to see a doctor to get rld of 1O. How wet vaginas could get, like I thought it was just mostly interior lubricant but turre out girls can just get soeking wet.. 11. How fast the female vagina can get from zero to wet 12. Some women Le, the first one I was with, produce quite a bit of wetness, and it can get thick and white and gunky (which is no big 14. That even though most women dont look ike Penthouse or Hustler models, the typical vegina is just as gorgeous end mégical as 17. The taste and smel. Not bad or anything, just the scent of it when aroused was so dMerent from my own body or even hers in 1& Haw long the smell would stick to your hancdk, face,ete... My first 19 How strong they can clench Jesus didnt think I was gonna get saltytangy on the tipof the tongue?) and the smell made me go into myupper lp and fingers Il'd just be sitting at work with a hard on cuz I smelled pussy all day....All those years of watching porndid 21. How far round/under/down the actual entrance to a vag is. And the grip. idn't expect her to be able to grip like she had another 22. That the cie is NOT hard to find at all It's right there. Right at the top. Big oe small it's in the same location Press that little button & it's like hitting GO on a roller coaster. I have no lidea why the claim of The clit is hard to find'or "the clit is a mych'is so rampat 23 I remember thinking a vagina was just an immoble tunnel. I was and squeeze.I was even more surprised once when Iwas with a girl and hee vagina baskally GRABBED my dick in sath a way that during those couple seconds I dont thinkI would be able to pull out without pain. Which brings a question I've atways wanted to ask girls: When the vagina squeezes, is this a coescious thing or is the 24. I was so surprised by the lablia. I remember making my move when we were leying on a secluded beach (15-year-old idea of romancel. And l intemally treaked out when my hand felt al these welrd skin folds Luckilyl kept my shit together, she suggested wego backtoher house where it's more private,I spern that walk back trying to figure out what the hell the flapping thing was that Ifelt and penicking over where the damn hole was going to be <p><a href="http://laughoutloud-club.tumblr.com/post/161016322141/24-guys-describe-their-reaction-the-first-time" class="tumblr_blog">laughoutloud-club</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>24 Guys Describe Their Reaction The First Time They Saw A Vagina In Real Life</p></blockquote>
Bad, Club, and Crying: 1.The entry point is lower down thant expected those things should
 2l thought I had ripped her open and had my hand in her intestines.
 T hada basic idea of what a vagina looked like from sex ed in the
 eventh grede whenl touched my first one in freshmanyear, it wes
 ecereszing. The texture, dampness, and heat made me freakout
 because I thought I had ripped her open and had my hand in her
 intestines I ws reaching ino her jeans to finger her, so ddnt see
 what was going on. But yeah, freaked me out a bit.
 3.
 was like my finger fellinto a perfectly warm fluffy dollop of
 My surprise has been ever since and it amazes me to this day First
 time inat third base, we were young, super turned-on and both
 fairly virginaLI have never since that day felt any lady bits that were
 that saft end moist. It was like my finger felinto a perfectly warm
 flufly dolop at whipped cream. Ah, to be 14 again Thoroughly
 amazing that now, 26 years and heaps of experience later it is one of
 my most vivid semual memories. On that note, scuse me I gotta go
 presented with Looked Ike a busted leather sofa, stuffed with bacon
 5, it was like working back at the fish farm spawn tanks all over
 Thankfully lstıll had a ber of licorice soap Seriousy, it gets vagoo off
 6 MOI ST
 " . It was, hot day,绅魂felt like Singapore in there.
 .That the term "being wet is so inaccurate. Simy would be more
 legs, like a man's bals Like she was carryinga purse round down
 2. That she didn't have a dick was my cousin, we were tiny. I'd not
 seen a girl naked before, I figured everyone had one. Kinda freaked
 out. It got worse, though In the couple months afterwards Isaw 2
 other girls naked. By this point I was starting to notice a pattern I've
 seen 4 people naked, and rm the only one with this floppy stuff in
 front of my legs. Clearly I must have a defect. Sal went crying ta my
 grandpa about how I needed to see a doctor to get rld of
 1O. How wet vaginas could get, like I thought it was just mostly
 interior lubricant but turre out girls can just get soeking wet..
 11. How fast the female vagina can get from zero to wet
 12. Some women Le, the first one I was with, produce quite a bit of
 wetness, and it can get thick and white and gunky (which is no big
 14. That even though most women dont look ike Penthouse or
 Hustler models, the typical vegina is just as gorgeous end mégical as
 17. The taste and smel. Not bad or anything, just the scent of it
 when aroused was so dMerent from my own body or even hers in
 1& Haw long the smell would stick to your hancdk, face,ete... My first
 19 How strong they can clench Jesus didnt think I was gonna get
 saltytangy on the tipof the tongue?) and the smell made me go
 into myupper lp and fingers Il'd just be sitting at work with a hard
 on cuz I smelled pussy all day....All those years of watching porndid
 21. How far round/under/down the actual entrance to a vag is. And
 the grip. idn't expect her to be able to grip like she had another
 22. That the cie is NOT hard to find at all It's right there. Right at the
 top. Big oe small it's in the same location Press that little button &
 it's like hitting GO on a roller coaster. I have no lidea why the claim of
 The clit is hard to find'or "the clit is a mych'is so rampat
 23 I remember thinking a vagina was just an immoble tunnel. I was
 and squeeze.I was even more surprised once when Iwas with a girl
 and hee vagina baskally GRABBED my dick in sath a way that during
 those couple seconds I dont thinkI would be able to pull out
 without pain. Which brings a question I've atways wanted to ask
 girls: When the vagina squeezes, is this a coescious thing or is the
 24. I was so surprised by the lablia. I remember making my move
 when we were leying on a secluded beach (15-year-old idea of
 romancel. And l intemally treaked out when my hand felt al these
 welrd skin folds Luckilyl kept my shit together, she suggested wego
 backtoher house where it's more private,I spern that walk back
 trying to figure out what the hell the flapping thing was that Ifelt
 and penicking over where the damn hole was going to be
<p><a href="http://laughoutloud-club.tumblr.com/post/161016322141/24-guys-describe-their-reaction-the-first-time" class="tumblr_blog">laughoutloud-club</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>24 Guys Describe Their Reaction The First Time They Saw A Vagina In Real Life</p></blockquote>

laughoutloud-club: 24 Guys Describe Their Reaction The First Time They Saw A Vagina In Real Life

Memes, Colorado, and Pharmacy: CANNABIS TAMPONS: WOMEN SAY CRAMPSDISAPPEAR WITHIN 20 MINUTES. CRAMPS AND LOWER BACK PAIN WERE ALL REPORTEDLY HELPED BY THE NEW, CANNABIS-INFUSED PRODUCTS Repost @stay_weed_us Positive reviews have been flooding in for the latest period painkiller, and it is not fish oil or a hot water bottle. Instead of stocking up on Nurofen, “marijuana tampons” are being packaged as the latest suppository. Provided by a company called Foria which is known for other cannabis-infused products and lubricant, the period pain products aim to ease discomfort without giving women a “psychotropic high”. They are not yet approved by the US Food and Drug Administration or tested in clinical trials. The tampons are only available in Colorado and California and patients require a medical marijuana card or a doctor’s letter. Online reviews, however, say the products helped them with lower back problems and worked for longer than traditional painkillers. One woman reported in Broadly that her cramps disappeared within 20 minutes. source: independent.co.uk Cannabis-infused products proves its effectiveness again and again. Authorities and people should throw their bias away and try it. This plant can replace many controversial positions in pharmacy. It would be cheaper, more natural and better. I hope this product will be available all around the country very soon and gain more cannabis supporters. stay_weed_us 420 legalize lit legalizeit legalization weed pot marijuana hemp drugs anon_truth Anonymous america USA smokeweedeveryday economy high highlife herb stoner weedstagram cannabis tampons
Memes, Colorado, and Pharmacy: CANNABIS TAMPONS:
 WOMEN SAY CRAMPSDISAPPEAR
 WITHIN 20 MINUTES.
 CRAMPS AND LOWER BACK PAIN
 WERE ALL REPORTEDLY HELPED
 BY THE NEW, CANNABIS-INFUSED
 PRODUCTS
Repost @stay_weed_us Positive reviews have been flooding in for the latest period painkiller, and it is not fish oil or a hot water bottle. Instead of stocking up on Nurofen, “marijuana tampons” are being packaged as the latest suppository. Provided by a company called Foria which is known for other cannabis-infused products and lubricant, the period pain products aim to ease discomfort without giving women a “psychotropic high”. They are not yet approved by the US Food and Drug Administration or tested in clinical trials. The tampons are only available in Colorado and California and patients require a medical marijuana card or a doctor’s letter. Online reviews, however, say the products helped them with lower back problems and worked for longer than traditional painkillers. One woman reported in Broadly that her cramps disappeared within 20 minutes. source: independent.co.uk Cannabis-infused products proves its effectiveness again and again. Authorities and people should throw their bias away and try it. This plant can replace many controversial positions in pharmacy. It would be cheaper, more natural and better. I hope this product will be available all around the country very soon and gain more cannabis supporters. stay_weed_us 420 legalize lit legalizeit legalization weed pot marijuana hemp drugs anon_truth Anonymous america USA smokeweedeveryday economy high highlife herb stoner weedstagram cannabis tampons

Repost @stay_weed_us Positive reviews have been flooding in for the latest period painkiller, and it is not fish oil or a hot water bottle. ...

Food, Life, and Animal: l'll take a Double Triple Bossy Deluxe on a raft, four by lfour, animal-style, extra shinales with a shimmy and a squeeze light axle grease, make it cry burn it, and let it swim lwilhave the meal known as the Bossy dele,execpt doubledaswellas triped and on afotation device the patterm should be quadruple by quadruple,syled after the creatures of the animal kingdom, extra roof omamentsshimmied and embracedas wellas light varety of connecting pipe food oil, make ithoribly depressed,set talight a llit to proplltselfinthe water. I, the invertibrate known as bubblebass, will be partaking in the popular bikini botom food known as the Krabby Patty the form known as the bossy deluxe in particular,however,Iwould, in addition to this,Iwould like the burger to be modified in the following ways the amount of ingredients used should be doubled, then the aforementioned ingredients should be tripled,ona device created for the purpose of floating atop water,Ishall make the pattern of the burger to be in the format of four, followed by another four,it should follow severalmilarites particular mainly to the genus ofcreatures known popularly as wellas scientifically as the animal kingdom,additional ornaments are to be applied to the top of t, shookenthouroghlyand compressed between fingers, as wellas a notably non-heavy connecting lavored food lubricant, force the burger into suicidal depression, make the several times aforementioned burger combustas wel, and give it the freedom to move in the four cardinal directions in the undersea area l am an undersea creature from the genus commonlv ofinvertibrates rerefreeerd to as fish particularlaythe veraity known as basss, despite hte fact theat it is illogicaetl to expect a fishl, especiallyonme of my varietly to order a hamburerr but dispite thisl would heavilly prefer tohavfe a burger from the popular bikinini bottob resturant to as the krucstie krak in orderr to have eno of thies brugers thea variety of burger that l would like tooo order wouuuld be the authority-exersising elite edition on a device created by the homohomohomohomosapien speciesssin ordere to make them able to flaot atop the chemical refererereed to as as h2o, the pattern in which should be asssembleed is the four by four by four by four by four by four by four, in should also by increased in sized in order to use double the atoms in its makup in order to make it ore able to sustain my life wwwwith ist nutrientss, makee the burger have even more ff ornaments then ti should usually have, condense the atoms that make up the burger in such a way as the constitute the actillion auajai TO as a squeeeeze, add particulararly non-heavy food fat, mocc the burger until it has a massive tdeisiser to kil itself like mine as welll u should allow it to take part in the activity wherein it mush use its body to propell itseeelf in the presviously mentioned hhhhh2222o000 I, the under sea umnde sauucse crecker ffered as bubble bass would bperfer a genus of squeeze SW ngin ah20 ned homosa sty raft and ase nts to make the chen some ofhteli ngan as nnihninininininininininin inimnini bObbbbbot7ummeme men ñeme in uorlippe towoo this myself woooc like somme sucicidal dpersssion aaaaaaaa Krabby burger
Food, Life, and Animal: l'll take a Double Triple
 Bossy Deluxe on a raft, four by
 lfour, animal-style,
 extra shinales
 with a shimmy and a squeeze
 light axle grease, make it cry
 burn it, and let it swim
 lwilhave the meal known as the Bossy dele,execpt doubledaswellas triped
 and on afotation device the patterm should be quadruple by quadruple,syled after
 the creatures of the animal kingdom, extra roof omamentsshimmied and embracedas
 wellas light varety of connecting pipe food oil, make ithoribly depressed,set talight
 a llit to proplltselfinthe water.
 I, the invertibrate known as bubblebass, will be partaking in the popular bikini botom food known as the Krabby Patty
 the form known as the bossy deluxe in particular,however,Iwould, in addition to this,Iwould like the burger to be
 modified in the following ways the amount of ingredients used should be doubled, then the aforementioned
 ingredients should be tripled,ona device created for the purpose of floating atop water,Ishall make the pattern of the
 burger to be in the format of four, followed by another four,it should follow severalmilarites particular mainly
 to the genus ofcreatures known popularly as wellas scientifically as the animal kingdom,additional ornaments are to
 be applied to the top of t, shookenthouroghlyand compressed between fingers, as wellas a notably non-heavy
 connecting lavored food lubricant, force the burger into suicidal depression, make the several times aforementioned
 burger combustas wel, and give it the freedom to move in the four cardinal directions in the undersea area
 l am an undersea creature from the genus commonlv ofinvertibrates rerefreeerd to as fish
 particularlaythe veraity known as basss, despite hte fact theat it is illogicaetl to expect
 a fishl, especiallyonme of my varietly to order a hamburerr
 but dispite thisl would heavilly prefer tohavfe a burger from the popular
 bikinini bottob resturant to as the krucstie krak in orderr to have eno of thies brugers
 thea variety of burger that l would like tooo order wouuuld be the authority-exersising
 elite edition on a device created by the homohomohomohomosapien speciesssin ordere
 to make them able to flaot atop the chemical refererereed to as as h2o, the pattern in which
 should be asssembleed is the four by four by four by four by four by four by four, in should
 also by increased in sized in order to use double the atoms in its makup in order to make it
 ore able to sustain my life wwwwith ist nutrientss, makee the burger have even more
 ff ornaments then ti should usually have, condense the atoms that make up the burger
 in such a way as the constitute the actillion auajai TO as a squeeeeze, add particulararly
 non-heavy food fat, mocc the burger until it has a massive tdeisiser to kil itself like mine
 as welll u should allow it to take part in the activity wherein it mush use its body to propell
 itseeelf in the presviously mentioned hhhhh2222o000
 I, the under sea umnde sauucse crecker
 ffered as bubble bass would bperfer a
 genus of squeeze SW
 ngin ah20
 ned homosa
 sty raft and ase
 nts to make the chen
 some ofhteli
 ngan as
 nnihninininininininininin
 inimnini
 bObbbbbot7ummeme men
 ñeme in uorlippe towoo this myself woooc
 like somme sucicidal dpersssion aaaaaaaa
Krabby burger

Krabby burger