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medieval times: tumblr Follow bitchhpunk debrides I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (say bye bus!) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it I'm glad there's a teacher version of accidentally called teacher mom when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people my lord" mugsandpugs1 One time during family prayer, dad began: "our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you? thomrainierskies One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say Welcome to White Castle, what's your crave?) asked, "Welcome to White Castle, what's your problem? She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing mirab3lle Yesterday I went to Wendy's and the girl said "Welcome to McDonalds" and then just sighed Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered please open your books to page eight", and we just kind of stared at each other blinking i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say "$2.60 is your total while handing back their change, or say "how are you doing today?" instead of "have a good day! like name it ive bungled it but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: 'few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both as i handed her the bag i was trying to say thanks, youre all set and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said thanks, youre important there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said she blinked and then said "oh thank youl youre important tool the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was "at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined youre welcome and 'no problem into youre a problem" one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, This is why we use our walking feet. we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, yeah, okay, i should've done that." gin-and-eschatonic I've spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like "behind and "coming around" as I maneuver through spaces and around people which, actually not such a bad thing. I'm a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a coming with a knife" while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex narwhalsarefalling i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something sugar4ndroses I have woken up in a cold sweat saying is that for here or to go? only-in-movies Conversely, in my old job I rarely answered outside calls so was only used to picking up to colleagues in random ways. So one day while fixing something at a different desk I answered what I thought was an internal call with "how do, I have usurped admin only to realise it was external and a board member on the line The CEO banned me from the phones while trying not to laugh I have worked in a variety of café/restaurant jobs, and in my most recent cafe job people were allowed to bring their leashed dogs through the line with them. One day someone came through the line with an adorable pup, and when the dog looked up at me as I was checking them out, I said "would you like that dog for here or to go? Source debrides 438,007 notes Brain glitch stories
medieval times: tumblr
 Follow
 bitchhpunk
 debrides
 I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I
 accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (say bye
 bus!) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it
 I'm glad there's a teacher version of accidentally called teacher mom
 when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call
 people my lord"
 mugsandpugs1
 One time during family prayer, dad began: "our father who art in heaven,
 American Airlines, how can I help you?
 thomrainierskies
 One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was
 supposed to say Welcome to White Castle, what's your crave?)
 asked, "Welcome to White Castle, what's your problem?
 She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing
 mirab3lle
 Yesterday I went to Wendy's and the girl said "Welcome to McDonalds" and then
 just sighed
 Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered
 please open your books to page eight", and we just kind of stared at each other
 blinking
 i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same
 question twice, or say "$2.60 is your total while handing back their change, or
 say "how are you doing today?" instead of "have a good day! like name it ive
 bungled it
 but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the
 front said: 'few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book
 manages to be both
 as i handed her the bag i was trying to say thanks, youre all set and instead my
 brain mashed up the review and i said thanks, youre important
 there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said
 she blinked and then said "oh thank youl youre important tool
 the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his
 response was "at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally
 combined youre welcome and 'no problem into youre a problem"
 one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on
 my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room
 and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared
 and said, This is why we use our walking feet.
 we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, yeah, okay, i
 should've done that."
 gin-and-eschatonic
 I've spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say
 shit like "behind and "coming around" as I maneuver through spaces and
 around people
 which, actually not such a bad thing. I'm a big guy and can
 come across as
 imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help
 avoid collisions
 Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a coming with a
 knife" while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining
 I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my
 Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks,
 Alex
 narwhalsarefalling
 i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my
 legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat
 if he needed something
 sugar4ndroses
 I have woken up in a cold sweat saying is that for here or to go?
 only-in-movies
 Conversely, in my old job I rarely answered outside calls so was only used to
 picking up to colleagues in random ways. So one day while fixing something at a
 different desk I answered what I thought was an internal call with "how do, I have
 usurped admin only to realise it was external and a board member on the line
 The CEO banned me from the phones while trying not to laugh
 I have worked in a variety of café/restaurant jobs, and in my most recent cafe job
 people were allowed to bring their leashed dogs through the line with them.
 One day someone came through the line with an adorable pup, and when the
 dog looked up at me as I was checking them out, I said "would you like that dog
 for here or to go?
 Source debrides
 438,007 notes
Brain glitch stories

Brain glitch stories

medieval times: tumblr Follow bitchhpunk debrides I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object(say bye bus) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it autisticcole I'm glad there's a teacher version of accidentally called teacher 'mom when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people my lord One time during family prayer, dad began: our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you? One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say Welcome to White Castle, what's your crave?) asked, "Welcome to White Castle, what's your problem? She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing. Yesterday I went to Wendy's and the girl said "Welcome to McDonalds" and then just sighed Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered please open your books to page eight, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy -ill ask the same question twice, or say $2.60 is your total" while handing back their change, or say "how are you doing today?" instead of have a good day! like name it ive bungled it but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: Tew books are well wntten, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both as i handed her the bag i was trying to say "thanks, youre all set and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said thanks, youre important there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said oh thank you! youre important too! the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was "at least you said something NICE last week i accidentally combined youre welcome' and 'no problem' into 'youre a problem agrestenoir one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, This is why we use our walking feet we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, yeah, okay, i should ve done that. I've spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexivey say shit like behind" and coming around as I maneuver through spaces and around people. Which, actually, not such a bad thing. I'm a big guy and can come across as mposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions. Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a coming with a knife" while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks Alex i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat t he needed something I have woken up in a cold sweat saying is that for here or to go? only-in-movies Conversely, in my old job I rarely answered outside calls so was only used to picking up to colleagues in random ways. So one day while fixing something at a different desk I answered what I thought was an internal call with "how do, I have usurped admin" only to realise it was external and a board member on the line. The CEO banned me from the phones while trying not to laugh. I have worked in a variety of caté/restaurant jobs, and in my most recent cafe job people were allowed to bring their leashed dogs through the line with them. One day someone came through the line with an adorable pup, and when the dog looked up at me as I was checking them out, I said "would you like that dog for here or to go? only-in-movies Conversely, in my old job I rarely answered outside calls so was only used to picking up to colleagues in random ways. So one day while fixing something at a different desk I answered what I thought was an internal call with "how do, I have usurped admin" only to realise it was external and a board member on the line. The CEO banned me from the phones while trying not to laugh I have worked in a variety of caté/restaurant jobs, and in my most recent cafe job people were allowed to bring their leashed dogs through the line with them One day someone came through the line with an adorable pup, and when the dog looked up at me as I was checking them out, I said "would you like that dog for here or to go? Source debrides 438,007 notes Sometimes your brain just glitches
medieval times: tumblr
 Follow
 bitchhpunk
 debrides
 I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I
 accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object(say bye
 bus) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it
 autisticcole
 I'm glad there's a teacher version of accidentally called teacher 'mom
 when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call
 people my lord
 One time during family prayer, dad began: our father who art in heaven,
 American Airlines, how can I help you?
 One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was
 supposed to say Welcome to White Castle, what's your crave?)
 asked, "Welcome to White Castle, what's your problem?
 She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.
 Yesterday I went to Wendy's and the girl said "Welcome to McDonalds" and then
 just sighed
 Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered
 please open your books to page eight, and we just kind of stared at each other,
 blinking
 work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy -ill ask the same
 question twice, or say $2.60 is your total" while handing back their change, or
 say "how are you doing today?" instead of have a good day! like name it ive
 bungled it
 but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the
 front said: Tew books are well wntten, fewer still are important, and this book
 manages to be both
 as i handed her the bag i was trying to say "thanks, youre all set and instead my
 brain mashed up the review and i said thanks, youre important
 there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said.
 she blinked and then said oh thank you! youre important too!
 the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his
 response was "at least you said something NICE last week i accidentally
 combined youre welcome' and 'no problem' into 'youre a problem
 agrestenoir
 one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on
 my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room
 and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared
 and said, This is why we use our walking feet
 we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, yeah, okay, i
 should ve done that.
 I've spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexivey say
 shit like behind" and coming around as I maneuver through spaces and
 around people.
 Which, actually, not such a bad thing. I'm a big guy and can come across as
 mposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help
 avoid collisions.
 Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a coming with a
 knife" while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining
 I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my
 Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks
 Alex
 i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my
 legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat
 t he needed something
 I have woken up in a cold sweat saying is that for here or to go?
 only-in-movies
 Conversely, in my old job I rarely answered outside calls so was only used to
 picking up to colleagues in random ways. So one day while fixing something at a
 different desk I answered what I thought was an internal call with "how do, I have
 usurped admin" only to realise it was external and a board member on the line.
 The CEO banned me from the phones while trying not to laugh.
 I have worked in a variety of caté/restaurant jobs, and in my most recent cafe job
 people were allowed to bring their leashed dogs through the line with them.
 One day someone came through the line with an adorable pup, and when the
 dog looked up at me as I was checking them out, I said "would you like that dog
 for here or to go?
 only-in-movies
 Conversely, in my old job I rarely answered outside calls so was only used to
 picking up to colleagues in random ways. So one day while fixing something at a
 different desk I answered what I thought was an internal call with "how do, I have
 usurped admin" only to realise it was external and a board member on the line.
 The CEO banned me from the phones while trying not to laugh
 I have worked in a variety of caté/restaurant jobs, and in my most recent cafe job
 people were allowed to bring their leashed dogs through the line with them
 One day someone came through the line with an adorable pup, and when the
 dog looked up at me as I was checking them out, I said "would you like that dog
 for here or to go?
 Source debrides
 438,007 notes
Sometimes your brain just glitches

Sometimes your brain just glitches

medieval times: "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of death; their blood shall be upon them." -Leviticus 20:13 The Scripture is clear. How can any good Christian support gay marriage? Like , Comment . 19 minutes ago . A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deuteronomy 22:13-21) If my memory of high school is correct, you might want to reconsider your position on the relevance of the Bible to our marriage laws. 6 minutes ago Like You make me sick. Fck you. 3 minutes ago Like Write a comment... stovestalker: noshamejustlove: zorobro: shota-purinsu: zorobro: linzthenerd: theguilteaparty: crippledcuriosity: itsfondue: Isn’t it nice how people twist their religious scripture to suit their weds but when it’s used against them it’s suddenly not okay I talked to a monk about this quote once (we have mutual friends, and he came to a New Year’s Eve party at my shared art studio). He said this isn’t even talking about homosexuality. That the bible never actually says homosexuality is wrong. What that passage means is this: Women were treated as subservient and it that you shouldn’t treat other men as subservient, like they are beneath you. It is not talking about homosexuality. If it was, it would say it outright since the bible lists other things outright. I take the word of a monk who have studied the bible extensively more than a self proclaimed Christian. The above text, I would like to point out is from the point of view of this translation of the original Hebrew. I spoke with my cousin’s rabbi on the matter and his response was different, saying that it was a mistranslation. See, the true translation says that a man shall not lie with another in the bed of a woman, which is to say, the Hebrews had a shit ton of rules about when a man was or was not allowed in a woman’s bed and private quarters (including, if she didn’t want you there, you weren’t allowed there. Hebrew women were also allowed to divorce their husbands and the image of the ‘oppressive Hebrew people’ is an image that was propogated by Christianity which, historically speaking, doesn’t treat the Jewish people too well and liked to paint them as being rather barbaric and backwards and cultish with their traditions, which, another piece of fun info, their traditions were one of the main reasons why the Jewish people were less likely, in medieval times, to die of the plague. Because washing your hands and avoiding the dead and vermin and the like was a lot of help. Of course the Christians persecuted them for not dying but that’s another matter. I’m sidetracked). So the verse is literally saying ‘Don’t fuck in some lady’s bed because that’s just goddamn rude’ Also, whenever a Christian brings the book of Leviticus up, you should feel free to point out that these are rules that were given to make the Hebrew people prepared for when the son of God came to earth. In Christianity, it’s believed the son of God was Jesus. So by following the rules set in Leviticus or pushing them as things we should follow, they’re saying that Jesus was not the son of God, and that Jesus did not, in fact, die for our sins. Jewish people believe, in their faith, that the son of God hasn’t yet been born, so many choose to follow these rules. Most people of course roll their eyes when I explain the translation of the verse (full breakdown found here) but it’s always fun to point out the nature of the rules in Leviticus and the implications of following them.  I’m a theology student and I am on the verge of crying because of how accurate this commentary is. Historical context is simultaneously the most interesting and most important part of interpreting any texts.  Most religious people seem to base their beliefs on things that are severely mistranslated. I wish they would do their research before using the bible for hate. I studied theology extensively and was going to become a theologist until I switched majors. The above commentary is 100% accurate and what I try to stress in a lot if conversations with Bible Thumpers. Jesus also affirms the homosexual relationship between the Roman Centurion and his “slave”. The particular Greek word used to refer to this special slave was “pais”. Greek language studies and contexts show that a “pais” was a male love slave. Regular slaves were called “dolos”. The Centurion makes this distinction clearly when he asks Jesus to heal his slave (pais), and then to prove his status he tells Jesus that his slaves (dolos) go when he tells them to. But this slave (pais) was special. He was the Centurion’s lover. Hearing this, Jesus was so amazed he says he had not found ANYONE ELSE who had such great faith. He then blesses the Centurion and heals his male lover. Matthew 8:5-13 THIS IS WHAT THE BIBLE REALLY TEACHES ABOUT SAME SEX COUPLES. In short, the English adaptation is a mistranslated farce. ^^^^this reblogging for the comments ^^^^^^ EXCUSE ME WHILE I REBLOG THIS FIFTY MILLION TIMES
medieval times: "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of
 death; their blood shall be upon them."
 -Leviticus 20:13
 The Scripture is clear. How can any good Christian support gay
 marriage?
 Like , Comment . 19 minutes ago .
 A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a
 virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed.
 (Deuteronomy 22:13-21)
 If my memory of high school is correct, you might want to reconsider
 your position on the relevance of the Bible to our marriage laws.
 6 minutes ago Like
 You make me sick. Fck you.
 3 minutes ago Like
 Write a comment...
stovestalker:
noshamejustlove:

zorobro:

shota-purinsu:

zorobro:

linzthenerd:

theguilteaparty:

crippledcuriosity:

itsfondue:

Isn’t it nice how people twist their religious scripture to suit their weds but when it’s used against them it’s suddenly not okay

I talked to a monk about this quote once (we have mutual friends, and he came to a New Year’s Eve party at my shared art studio). He said this isn’t even talking about homosexuality. That the bible never actually says homosexuality is wrong. What that passage means is this:
Women were treated as subservient and it that you shouldn’t treat other men as subservient, like they are beneath you. It is not talking about homosexuality. If it was, it would say it outright since the bible lists other things outright.
I take the word of a monk who have studied the bible extensively more than a self proclaimed Christian.

The above text, I would like to point out is from the point of view of this translation of the original Hebrew. I spoke with my cousin’s rabbi on the matter and his response was different, saying that it was a mistranslation. See, the true translation says that a man shall not lie with another in the bed of a woman, which is to say, the Hebrews had a shit ton of rules about when a man was or was not allowed in a woman’s bed and private quarters (including, if she didn’t want you there, you weren’t allowed there. Hebrew women were also allowed to divorce their husbands and the image of the ‘oppressive Hebrew people’ is an image that was propogated by Christianity which, historically speaking, doesn’t treat the Jewish people too well and liked to paint them as being rather barbaric and backwards and cultish with their traditions, which, another piece of fun info, their traditions were one of the main reasons why the Jewish people were less likely, in medieval times, to die of the plague. Because washing your hands and avoiding the dead and vermin and the like was a lot of help. Of course the Christians persecuted them for not dying but that’s another matter. I’m sidetracked). So the verse is literally saying ‘Don’t fuck in some lady’s bed because that’s just goddamn rude’
Also, whenever a Christian brings the book of Leviticus up, you should feel free to point out that these are rules that were given to make the Hebrew people prepared for when the son of God came to earth. In Christianity, it’s believed the son of God was Jesus. So by following the rules set in Leviticus or pushing them as things we should follow, they’re saying that Jesus was not the son of God, and that Jesus did not, in fact, die for our sins. Jewish people believe, in their faith, that the son of God hasn’t yet been born, so many choose to follow these rules.
Most people of course roll their eyes when I explain the translation of the verse (full breakdown found here) but it’s always fun to point out the nature of the rules in Leviticus and the implications of following them. 

I’m a theology student and I am on the verge of crying because of how accurate this commentary is. Historical context is simultaneously the most interesting and most important part of interpreting any texts. 

Most religious people seem to base their beliefs on things that are severely mistranslated. I wish they would do their research before using the bible for hate.

I studied theology extensively and was going to become a theologist until I switched majors. The above commentary is 100% accurate and what I try to stress in a lot if conversations with Bible Thumpers.
Jesus also affirms the homosexual relationship between the Roman Centurion and his “slave”. The particular Greek word used to refer to this special slave was “pais”. Greek language studies and contexts show that a “pais” was a male love slave. Regular slaves were called “dolos”. The Centurion makes this distinction clearly when he asks Jesus to heal his slave (pais), and then to prove his status he tells Jesus that his slaves (dolos) go when he tells them to. But this slave (pais) was special. He was the Centurion’s lover.
Hearing this, Jesus was so amazed he says he had not found ANYONE ELSE who had such great faith. He then blesses the Centurion and heals his male lover.
Matthew 8:5-13
THIS IS WHAT THE BIBLE REALLY TEACHES ABOUT SAME SEX COUPLES.
In short, the English adaptation is a mistranslated farce.

^^^^this

reblogging for the comments ^^^^^^

EXCUSE ME WHILE I REBLOG THIS FIFTY MILLION TIMES

stovestalker: noshamejustlove: zorobro: shota-purinsu: zorobro: linzthenerd: theguilteaparty: crippledcuriosity: itsfondue: Isn’t...