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Bad, Beef, and Fire: ifeelbetterer tumblr Follow hellotailor 1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center 2. He was as tall as a 6'3" tree 3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master 4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. 5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up 7. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something 9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 10. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room- temperature Canadian beef 11. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM 12. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object. wollipyos Some of the worst analogies written by high school students I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT NUMBER 4 IS GREAT. bewbin These are genius ninjagirlmai I lost it at number 10 farorescourage "the worst analogies" are the ones you use to write comedy pieces with. They work like a charm if you do them right. beingfacetious #you say 'worst analogies i say 'heirs of douglas adams, Source papadevs 291.019 notes These analogies are like poetry if the poet had been sleepless for five days subsisting only on Red Bull and raw coffee beans
Bad, Beef, and Fire: ifeelbetterer
 tumblr
 Follow
 hellotailor
 1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center
 2. He was as tall as a 6'3" tree
 3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
 compressed by a Thigh Master
 4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal
 quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at
 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
 5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
 never met.
 6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
 before it throws up
 7. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind
 her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
 8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real
 duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or
 something
 9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
 10. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-
 temperature Canadian beef
 11. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his
 wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
 surcharge-free ATM
 12. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
 wollipyos
 Some of the worst analogies written by high school students
 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT NUMBER 4 IS GREAT.
 bewbin
 These are genius
 ninjagirlmai
 I lost it at number 10
 farorescourage
 "the worst analogies" are the ones you use to write comedy pieces with. They
 work like a charm if you do them right.
 beingfacetious
 #you say 'worst analogies i say 'heirs of douglas adams,
 Source papadevs
 291.019 notes
These analogies are like poetry if the poet had been sleepless for five days subsisting only on Red Bull and raw coffee beans

These analogies are like poetry if the poet had been sleepless for five days subsisting only on Red Bull and raw coffee beans

Charlie, Confused, and Friends: Alex Zalben @azalben How about we use predictive text to write our own epitaphs? Write "Here lies [YOUR NAME] [preferred pronoun] was..." and let your phone finish the rest. Mine is: Here lies Alexander Zalben. He was clearly not wrong. hi-im-secretly-satan: vanth-charun: glitterarygetsit: little-ghost-antenna: megs-damned-soul: mychildwasgiven2will: floating-babies-in-the-dark: zennosynne: phantomofthebookstore: southern-wilde: dandyskitt: therainbowhero: lokilaufeyj: killickan: trannyofsalt: twtransmed: tranny-levi: melon-sensei: sprite-truscum-pepsi: definitly-not-a-spy: urufu-arts: flo-here-from-progressive: meesta-egg: the-tevinter-biscuit: huhpotatoes: frogmp3: Here lies Asia. They are not going to be able to make it. Here lies Kay. She is a great friend. Here lies Charlie. They were in a few weeks ago and the machine is happening. Here lies Meesta. She was a little late to the party. Here lies Flo. She was just so confused about how she is. Here lies Navy. He was a good time. Here lies a very metaphorical sense. She was the one to be off now and basically saying to not give a fuck. Here lies James. He was a bit of a problem, to be honest. Here lies Kristopher, he was going to be a little late to the party. Here lies Levi, he was a good day. Here lies Mathew, he is going on a good day and I just don’t know why he was so mad that he didn’t know me. Here lies nathan. He was promptly removed from the post office. Here lies Cain. He was …my phone doesnt have predictive shit :( Here lies Tori. She was the first to answer the door. Here lies Evan. She did a good job 👏 Here lies Skitt. She was going to be a little late to the party but I don’t know if you have any questions please feel free to contact me at any time and I will be there Here lies Danni. He was a good guy and he was a great person who was very good at being cocky in the middle of the day with his wife and his wife and the other woman. Here lies Mollie. She was so much fun to watch the new girl and say they wrote it for her to be fucking w ur mom Here lies Jaye. She just got to the point. Here lies Kristan. She was literally just going home Here lies Zafer. He was most of my friends. Here lies Lucia. She was the only way to be ghost. Here lies Kai, they were not being a very professional person but they did a good job 👍 Here lies glitterary. She was a bit of a race to the bottom. Here lies Hannah. She was a very dark time. Here lies Ace. They were not able to use the form of a normal conversation with him. Here lies Erin. She was like shit i dont wanna do maths.
Charlie, Confused, and Friends: Alex Zalben
 @azalben
 How about we use predictive
 text to write our own epitaphs?
 Write "Here lies [YOUR NAME]
 [preferred pronoun] was..." and
 let your phone finish the rest.
 Mine is:
 Here lies Alexander Zalben. He
 was clearly not wrong.
hi-im-secretly-satan:

vanth-charun:

glitterarygetsit:

little-ghost-antenna:

megs-damned-soul:

mychildwasgiven2will:

floating-babies-in-the-dark:

zennosynne:

phantomofthebookstore:

southern-wilde:

dandyskitt:

therainbowhero:

lokilaufeyj:

killickan:

trannyofsalt:

twtransmed:

tranny-levi:

melon-sensei:

sprite-truscum-pepsi:

definitly-not-a-spy:

urufu-arts:

flo-here-from-progressive:

meesta-egg:

the-tevinter-biscuit:
huhpotatoes:


frogmp3:

Here lies Asia. They are not going to be able to make it.

Here lies Kay. She is a great friend.


Here lies Charlie. They were in a few weeks ago and the machine is happening.

Here lies Meesta. She was a little late to the party.

Here lies Flo. She was just so confused about how she is.

Here lies Navy. He was a good time. 

Here lies a very metaphorical sense. She was the one to be off now and basically saying to not give a fuck. 

Here lies James. He was a bit of a problem, to be honest. 

Here lies Kristopher, he was going to be a little late to the party.

Here lies Levi, he was a good day.

Here lies Mathew, he is going on a good day and I just don’t know why he was so mad that he didn’t know me. 

Here lies nathan. He was promptly removed from the post office.

Here lies Cain. He was …my phone doesnt have predictive shit :(

Here lies Tori. She was the first to answer the door. 

Here lies Evan. She did a good job 👏 

Here lies Skitt. She was going to be a little late to the party but I don’t know if you have any questions please feel free to contact me at any time and I will be there

Here lies Danni. He was a good guy and he was a great person who was very good at being cocky in the middle of the day with his wife and his wife and the other woman. 

Here lies Mollie. She was so much fun to watch the new girl and say they wrote it for her to be fucking w ur mom 

Here lies Jaye. She just got to the point. 

Here lies Kristan. She was literally just going home 

Here lies Zafer. He was most of my friends. 

Here lies Lucia. She was the only way to be ghost. 

Here lies Kai, they were not being a very professional person but they did a good job 👍 

Here lies glitterary. She was a bit of a race to the bottom.

Here lies Hannah. She was a very dark time.

Here lies Ace. They were not able to use the form of a normal conversation with him.

Here lies Erin. She was like shit i dont wanna do maths.

hi-im-secretly-satan: vanth-charun: glitterarygetsit: little-ghost-antenna: megs-damned-soul: mychildwasgiven2will: floating-babies-in...

Goals, Life, and Memes: This Is Life Goals Break the bar (not a full squat but if you're smart you get the metaphor)... lifegoals
Goals, Life, and Memes: This Is Life Goals
Break the bar (not a full squat but if you're smart you get the metaphor)... lifegoals

Break the bar (not a full squat but if you're smart you get the metaphor)... lifegoals