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Big Dick, Chill, and Church: ITT: Glorious Retards >be me mormonfag church boring as fuck not really that interested in going, its a cult, mostly do it for my family hate testimony week basically open mic day once a week at church people go up and are supposed to talk about how great god is or whatever, generally just talk about how great they are and what vacation they went on last literally just a big dick measuring contest new family moves into ward pretty unusual situation: single dad, downie kid. we learned way later that he accidentally got a girl pregnant, she wanted to abort downie, he said he'd raise the baby himself rather than see that happen. not sure if i agree with it, but gotta admit, that's honorable as fuck downies a good kid too, sweet as can be, not as dumb as you'd think anyway testimony week comes around, dreading it first guy goes up, starts talking about how he baptized a lot of people on his mission >am rolling my eyes in five dimensions when I heard downie roar from across the room "TEHTIMONEY WEEK IS FOHR TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!" room goes quiet, guy wraps up quickly, sits down people tell actual wholesome stuff, they fear the downie. no dick measuring with him around next week similar thing happens: woman goes up to talk about how much she loves her husband, and how he took the whole family on a trip to mexico recently Downie interrupts "TEHTIMONEY! WEEK! IS! FOHR! TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!" lady sits down, normal talking goes on, im officially borderline gay for downie later talking with my edgelord apostate friends, we all talk about how downie is the best thing to happen to this ward ever we find downie and thank him for keeping it real. his dad is super touched that we all stopped by, we all make sure to thank downie for his interruptions and tell him to keep it real we thought maybe his dad would be annoyed that we were encouraging this, but his dad was chill as could be 6.5 kB JPG 33 min. ago. Anonymous | 44806137 cont next week, Downey takes it up a notclh mormon services have two or three talks a servic, all done by volunteers, but the talks can suuuuuuck worst ones are when old people/newly returned missionaries are asked to talk and they ramble for an hour and a half old lady is going on and on about growing up in the great depression. we're all about to go insane when downie stands up YOU TAHK TOO LON, OTHER SPEACHERS NEED TO TAHK TOO lady wraps up we're all in fucking awe of this god among us anytime somebody rambles, or tries to humblebrag, downie calls them out its fucking amazing >church is still a cult but its actually kind of fun now with downie there me and my edgelord friends keep an eye on him, nobody fucks with our downie we get near the end of HS when downie has a heart attack we all visit him in the hospital. we fucking love him >he survived the heart attack, but he just may not have a whole lot of time left. the sunday, the dad announces that him and his son are going to be moving out of state. wants to show his son more of the world before he dies. me and my friends go to downies house to say goodbye, tell him we're going to miss him so much, testimoney week is going to turn back to shit with him gone downie asks if he can tell us a secret we say sure, you can tell us anything "Dah tole me wat to say all those times. >mfw his dad originally used his retarded son as a way to ignore social conventions and tell people to stfu, but wound up continuing to do it for years because he knew it was helping him have friends. >mfw when im not sure if his dad is an asshole or a genius >mfw I don't even care anymore, I still think fondly of that glorious downie bastard yelling at old ladies from the back of the chapel 1 REPLY Anon goes to church
Big Dick, Chill, and Church: ITT: Glorious Retards
 >be me
 mormonfag
 church boring as fuck
 not really that interested in going, its a cult, mostly do it for
 my family
 hate testimony week
 basically open mic day once a week at church
 people go up and are supposed to talk about how great
 god is or whatever, generally just talk about how great they
 are and what vacation they went on last
 literally just a big dick measuring contest
 new family moves into ward
 pretty unusual situation: single dad, downie kid. we learned
 way later that he accidentally got a girl pregnant, she
 wanted to abort downie, he said he'd raise the baby himself
 rather than see that happen.
 not sure if i agree with it, but gotta admit, that's honorable
 as fuck
 downies a good kid too, sweet as can be, not as dumb as
 you'd think
 anyway
 testimony week comes around, dreading it
 first guy goes up, starts talking about how he baptized a lot
 of people on his mission
 >am rolling my eyes in five dimensions when I heard downie
 roar from across the room
 "TEHTIMONEY WEEK IS FOHR TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!"
 room goes quiet, guy wraps up quickly, sits down
 people tell actual wholesome stuff, they fear the downie.
 no dick measuring with him around
 next week similar thing happens: woman goes up to talk
 about how much she loves her husband, and how he took
 the whole family on a trip to mexico recently
 Downie interrupts
 "TEHTIMONEY! WEEK! IS! FOHR! TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!"
 lady sits down, normal talking goes on, im officially
 borderline gay for downie
 later talking with my edgelord apostate friends, we all talk
 about how downie is the best thing to happen to this ward
 ever
 we find downie and thank him for keeping it real. his dad
 is super touched that we all stopped by, we all make sure
 to thank downie for his interruptions and tell him to keep it
 real
 we thought maybe his dad would be annoyed that we were
 encouraging this, but his dad was chill as could be
 6.5 kB JPG

 33 min. ago.
 Anonymous | 44806137
 cont
 next week, Downey takes it up a notclh
 mormon services have two or three talks a servic, all done by volunteers, but
 the talks can suuuuuuck
 worst ones are when old people/newly returned missionaries are asked to talk
 and they ramble for an hour and a half
 old lady is going on and on about growing up in the great depression. we're all
 about to go insane when downie stands up
 YOU TAHK TOO LON, OTHER SPEACHERS NEED TO TAHK TOO
 lady wraps up
 we're all in fucking awe of this god among us
 anytime somebody rambles, or tries to humblebrag, downie calls them out
 its fucking amazing
 >church is still a cult but its actually kind of fun now with downie there
 me and my edgelord friends keep an eye on him, nobody fucks with our downie
 we get near the end of HS when downie has a heart attack
 we all visit him in the hospital. we fucking love him
 >he survived the heart attack, but he just may not have a whole lot of time left.
 the sunday, the dad announces that him and his son are going to be moving out
 of state. wants to show his son more of the world before he dies.
 me and my friends go to downies house to say goodbye, tell him we're going to
 miss him so much, testimoney week is going to turn back to shit with him gone
 downie asks if he can tell us a secret
 we say sure, you can tell us anything
 "Dah tole me wat to say all those times.
 >mfw his dad originally used his retarded son as a way to ignore social
 conventions and tell people to stfu, but wound up continuing to do it for years
 because he knew it was helping him have friends.
 >mfw when im not sure if his dad is an asshole or a genius
 >mfw I don't even care anymore, I still think fondly of that glorious downie
 bastard yelling at old ladies from the back of the chapel
 1 REPLY
Anon goes to church

Anon goes to church

Beer, Friends, and Ghetto: File: image.jpg (30 KB, 345x302) Anonymous (ID: WPbThArs) 05/06/14(Tue)13:46:34 No.545330185 >>545330338 >>545330504 >>545330524 >be at Slayer concert with friends >have to park our car two miles from venue >walk our asses all the way there realize I forgot my bottle of water in car >goddamnit.jpg standing in line to be let in thirsty as fuck >black homeless guy approaches us >kind of rough looking >asks for money tell him l'll pay him a dollar if he can direct me to the nearest bottle of water >yeah, I know where...I know where... >we walk through boarded up blocks of endless ghetto >hope I don't get killed reach store with no windows or signs nervous as fuck >walk in, black customers and employees stare >'damn, we ain't never seen a white guy in here... get my water, quench my t >hear liquid hitting sidewalk turn back, see him pissing and walking sideways at the same time >'that's how we piss in public so we don't get caught, boss' return to venue, letting people in now >say goodbye to homeless friend realize we have an extra ticket give it to him tell him he can sell it or come with us 'how much is it worth?" tell him roughly $30.00 >his eyes light up >I'm gonna sell it! >be three hours later >concert over hirst, start walking back with new homeless friend walking back to our car same homeless guy sees me >'boss! boss! I sold that ticket for $25.00!" >he holds up McDonalds bag and a beer 'I didn't forget you, boss! hands them to me >mfw my heart has never been so touched <p>This is touching via /r/wholesomememes <a href="https://ift.tt/2HGpyhb">https://ift.tt/2HGpyhb</a></p>
Beer, Friends, and Ghetto: File: image.jpg (30 KB, 345x302)
 Anonymous (ID: WPbThArs) 05/06/14(Tue)13:46:34 No.545330185
 >>545330338 >>545330504 >>545330524
 >be at Slayer concert with friends
 >have to park our car two miles from venue
 >walk our asses all the way there
 realize I forgot my bottle of water in car
 >goddamnit.jpg
 standing in line to be let in
 thirsty as fuck
 >black homeless guy approaches us
 >kind of rough looking
 >asks for money
 tell him l'll pay him a dollar if he can direct me to the nearest bottle of water
 >yeah, I know where...I know where...
 >we walk through boarded up blocks of endless ghetto
 >hope I don't get killed
 reach store with no windows or signs
 nervous as fuck
 >walk in, black customers and employees stare
 >'damn, we ain't never seen a white guy in here...
 get my water, quench my t
 >hear liquid hitting sidewalk
 turn back, see him pissing and walking sideways at the same time
 >'that's how we piss in public so we don't get caught, boss'
 return to venue, letting people in now
 >say goodbye to homeless friend
 realize we have an extra ticket
 give it to him
 tell him he can sell it or come with us
 'how much is it worth?"
 tell him roughly $30.00
 >his eyes light up
 >I'm gonna sell it!
 >be three hours later
 >concert over
 hirst, start walking back with new homeless friend
 walking back to our car
 same homeless guy sees me
 >'boss! boss! I sold that ticket for $25.00!"
 >he holds up McDonalds bag and a beer
 'I didn't forget you, boss!
 hands them to me
 >mfw my heart has never been so touched
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4chan, Af, and Children: Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Settings Home 2 /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Return Catalog Bottom Update Auto Post a Reply echa View Announcement Anonymous 03/20/18(Tue)16:18:15 No.44008579 homeless immigrant guy outside my ocal to soething idk call him Raj or something idk see him every day as I pick up my chicken club sandwich 1 KB PNG >spoke literally 0 scottish, just said give me pound please" >every fucking day would sometimes steal a sandwich for him figured it wouldnt go very far across his 9 wives and 16 children all whom are on benefits >said that i would give him pound if he sung the scottish national anthem we don't have one, but I got him on that Scotland the Brave shit >took literally 20 minutes to get this through to him said that i would give him pound every 3 days if he could sing this anthem it begins Anonymous 03/20/18(Tue)16:19:03 No.44008593 /r9k/ - >homeless immigrant boards.4chan.org 2 Board/r9k/ - ROBOT9001 ▼ Setti took literally 20 minutes to get this through to hi said that i would give him pound every 3 days if he could sing this anthem it begins Anonymous 03/20/18(Tue)16:19:03 No.44008593 teach him a new line of Scottish the brave every day every 3 days he has to sing what he knows back to me for his pound he learns that by singing this he gets 19 KB JPG one pound or something starts singing it all the time outside tescos often singingg it before I even get there people actually giving him money for this >baka.htm by the time I've given him 5 pounds he knows the entire anthem ahead of schedule AF I stop giving him money, asks me for one pound please every time he sees me again eventually talk to him he still doesn't know a word of Englislh just the Scottish national anthem I also teach him to say "Dieu et mon Driot" he spent all of his time learning this shit instead of learning English mfw I created a Scotland propoganda bot who shitposts outside Tescos Next week I'm going to teach him "Scots Wha Hae" >I should be getting paid for my making use out of illegals Anonvmous 03/20/18(Tlue)1629 25 No 44008781 Scot Makes A Bot
4chan, Af, and Children: Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
 Settings Home
 2
 /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
 Return Catalog Bottom
 Update
 Auto
 Post a Reply
 echa
 View Announcement
 Anonymous
 03/20/18(Tue)16:18:15 No.44008579
 homeless immigrant guy outside my
 ocal to soething idk
 call him Raj or something idk
 see him every day as I pick up my
 chicken club sandwich
 1 KB PNG
 >spoke literally 0 scottish, just said
 give me pound please"
 >every fucking day
 would sometimes steal a sandwich for him
 figured it wouldnt go very far across his 9 wives and
 16 children all whom are on benefits
 >said that i would give him pound if he sung the
 scottish national anthem
 we don't have one, but I got him on that Scotland the
 Brave shit
 >took literally 20 minutes to get this through to him
 said that i would give him pound every 3 days if he
 could sing this anthem
 it begins
 Anonymous
 03/20/18(Tue)16:19:03 No.44008593

 /r9k/ - >homeless immigrant
 boards.4chan.org
 2
 Board/r9k/ - ROBOT9001
 ▼ Setti
 took literally 20 minutes to get this through to hi
 said that i would give him pound every 3 days if he
 could sing this anthem
 it begins
 Anonymous
 03/20/18(Tue)16:19:03 No.44008593
 teach him a new line of Scottish the
 brave every day
 every 3 days he has to sing what he
 knows back to me for his pound
 he learns that by singing this he gets
 19 KB JPG one pound or something
 starts singing it all the time outside tescos
 often singingg it before I even get there
 people actually giving him money for this
 >baka.htm
 by the time I've given him 5 pounds he knows the
 entire anthem
 ahead of schedule AF
 I stop giving him money, asks me for one pound
 please every time he sees me again
 eventually talk to him
 he still doesn't know a word of Englislh
 just the Scottish national anthem
 I also teach him to say "Dieu et mon Driot"
 he spent all of his time learning this shit instead of
 learning English
 mfw I created a Scotland propoganda bot who
 shitposts outside Tescos
 Next week I'm going to teach him "Scots Wha Hae"
 >I should be getting paid for my making use out of
 illegals
 Anonvmous
 03/20/18(Tlue)1629 25 No 44008781
Scot Makes A Bot

Scot Makes A Bot

Books, Cum, and Hungry: Anonymous | 741797107 6 min. ago .. 30 year old NEET wake up at 2pm had accident in sleep which I rolled around in grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best to wipe the mess from my folds of fat tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs and piss bottles in my room 102.0 kB JPG waddle downstairs to check GBP board wait a minute to catch my breath before l look just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce! legs buckle under own weight roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera "mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!" >she turns to me with the most disqusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up "s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you'" she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my obese, putrid, feces and semen covered she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down have my crayons and Ninja Turtles coloring book to occupy me while I wait the tendies are finally done and she puts them on my plate she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate I can't let these tendies go to waste, so l eat them along with the vomit "yummy wummy tendies in my tummy thanks mummy do my best to muster a smile but the rows of decaying teeth only disgust mummy further high-chair finally breaks from my heft causes me to have another accident mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, so ashamed of her baby boy I just sit there on floor, in my own filth, thinking about what a disappointment I am mfw Anon is a dissapointment
Books, Cum, and Hungry: Anonymous | 741797107
 6 min. ago ..
 30 year old NEET
 wake up at 2pm
 had accident in sleep which I rolled
 around in
 grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my
 best to wipe the mess from my folds of fat
 tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry
 plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs
 and piss bottles in my room
 102.0 kB JPG
 waddle downstairs to check GBP board
 wait a minute to catch my breath before l
 look
 just enough Good Boy Points for some
 tendies and sauce!
 legs buckle under own weight
 roll myself into the living room where
 mummy is watching her favorite soap
 opera
 "mummy mummy I have enough Good
 Boy Points for some tendies!"
 >she turns to me with the most disqusting
 look on her face while I lay flat on the
 ground stuggling to get up
 "s-sure honey, le-let me just get some
 tendies for you'"
 she struggles to go to the kitchen without
 vomitting from the smell and sight of my
 obese, putrid, feces and semen covered
 she pulls the tendies out of the freezer
 after letting the oven heat up as she begins
 to cry into the sink

 I roll over and pull myself up to my high
 chair that starts to creak as I sit down
 have my crayons and Ninja Turtles
 coloring book to occupy me while I wait
 the tendies are finally done and she puts
 them on my plate
 she can't hold back the vomit as I open my
 mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all
 over my plate
 I can't let these tendies go to waste, so l
 eat them along with the vomit
 "yummy wummy tendies in my tummy
 thanks mummy
 do my best to muster a smile but the rows
 of decaying teeth only disgust mummy
 further
 high-chair finally breaks from my heft
 causes me to have another accident
 mum runs away to her room, sobbing
 uncontrollably, so ashamed of her baby boy
 I just sit there on floor, in my own filth,
 thinking about what a disappointment I am
 mfw
Anon is a dissapointment

Anon is a dissapointment