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Definitely, Fire, and Fucking: File: 1386364453095.jpg-(42 KB, 251x251, 29485028556.jpg) Before I tell this story, I have to introduce you to the concept of the "Dick Card Game". You take a set of playing cards with naked guys showing their junk on them, and hide them in places where others will find them. Key word being "Hide", it's pretty lame to go to your desk and find one just laying there. >Be around 2009-2010 Marine SOF team is up in the Murghab River Valley in Afghanistan, doing VSO or whatever we did before >Dick Card Game is in full effect when the team is at camp >Dick Cards in C4 satchels, Dick Cards taped over 9-line cards, Dick Cards fluttering down after someone turns an overhead fan on sFucking Dick Cards everywhere >Dick Cards start disappearing, less and less are being found, no one knows where they're going Team goes out on routine patrol one day >Start taking fire, operators do their thing >One guy gets shot in the leg by pure chance, wound isn't traumatic, but definitely needs attention >Gunfight is getting worse, this isnt typical of the local fighters, everyone's getting a little more worked up to say the least >He gets dragged to cover, Doc starts working on him, grabs medkit, frantically rips it open >Dick Cards, Dick Cards burst out everywhere >Doc just bursts out laughing >Shot guy is pissed, yells "What the fuck are you laughing for!?! I'm bleeding out asshole!" >Doc just scoops up handful of dick cards and lets them flutter onto shot guy >Shot guy bursts out laughing too Laughing finally subsides >Doc slaps on tourniquet, patches him up, he gets Evac'd out >Firefight ends, everyone retums to camp, story spreads like a case of genital warts among the ANA >Shot guy eventually returns to team, no major damage done to leg >Dick Card Game continues, is still slow due to all of the cards being left out in the field >mfw I think about the local fighters checking out the area after the firefight and seeing a pool of blood surrounded by Dick Cards and being completely fucking befuddled by American first aid tactics
Definitely, Fire, and Fucking: File: 1386364453095.jpg-(42 KB, 251x251, 29485028556.jpg)
 Before I tell this story, I have to introduce you to the concept of the "Dick Card Game". You take a set of playing cards with naked guys
 showing their junk on them, and hide them in places where others will find them. Key word being "Hide", it's pretty lame to go to your desk
 and find one just laying there.
 >Be around 2009-2010
 Marine SOF team is up in the Murghab River Valley in Afghanistan, doing VSO or whatever we did before
 >Dick Card Game is in full effect when the team is at camp
 >Dick Cards in C4 satchels, Dick Cards taped over 9-line cards, Dick Cards fluttering down after someone turns an overhead fan on
 sFucking Dick Cards everywhere
 >Dick Cards start disappearing, less and less are being found, no one knows where they're going
 Team goes out on routine patrol one day
 >Start taking fire, operators do their thing
 >One guy gets shot in the leg by pure chance, wound isn't traumatic, but definitely needs attention
 >Gunfight is getting worse, this isnt typical of the local fighters, everyone's getting a little more worked up to say the least
 >He gets dragged to cover, Doc starts working on him, grabs medkit, frantically rips it open
 >Dick Cards, Dick Cards burst out everywhere
 >Doc just bursts out laughing
 >Shot guy is pissed, yells "What the fuck are you laughing for!?! I'm bleeding out asshole!"
 >Doc just scoops up handful of dick cards and lets them flutter onto shot guy
 >Shot guy bursts out laughing too
 Laughing finally subsides
 >Doc slaps on tourniquet, patches him up, he gets Evac'd out
 >Firefight ends, everyone retums to camp, story spreads like a case of genital warts among the ANA
 >Shot guy eventually returns to team, no major damage done to leg
 >Dick Card Game continues, is still slow due to all of the cards being left out in the field
 >mfw I think about the local fighters checking out the area after the firefight and seeing a pool of blood surrounded by Dick Cards and being completely fucking
 befuddled by American first aid tactics
Bad, Bodies , and Football: be a medical student earn stuff on dead bodies as medical students do like those classes a lot most students hate digging up stuff from corpses, use tools as much as they can for some reason I just love to touch human organs love the consistency of liver, heart, kidneys >hold them in my hands and squeeze at any possible occasion >decide to become a surgeon because of that unfortunately you cant play with organs during surgeries you can damage stuff, plus everybody looks at you weird it's still very tempting but I restrain myself from squeezing organs every time I perform a surgery living organs are warm and more flexible have to stay very focused and really control myself >be at the ER one evening, not much to do turn a tv on in a little room for staff, see a football game on >I mean soccer awesome match, it gets more and more intense about 7 minutes before the final whistle, they tell me I have to operate they bring me a 4 month old girl fuck, can't stop watching now, it's a really good match have an idea >quickly move the tv so it's visible through a glass wall from the operating room huge screen, It'll work get dressed, go to operating room >4 minutes till end of the match, 2:2 >I open up the toddler, she needs immediate help l keep peeking at the tv, nobody notices >in the meantime, I burry my hands in the girl's body, as a surgeon does >mfw her organs are the softest organs I've ever touched stay focused anon, even a tiny squeeze can fuck up the young organs really bad shit, a penalty kick in the extra time >I freeze, my hands inside the infant's body >I can't stop staring at the tv now, such an intense moment >Suddenly a nurse shouts "what the fuck dr anon", staring at my hands >I played with your heart >Oh baby, baby
Bad, Bodies , and Football: be a medical student
 earn stuff on dead bodies as medical students do
 like those classes a lot
 most students hate digging up stuff from corpses, use tools as much as they can
 for some reason I just love to touch human organs
 love the consistency of liver, heart, kidneys
 >hold them in my hands and squeeze at any possible occasion
 >decide to become a surgeon because of that
 unfortunately you cant play with organs during surgeries
 you can damage stuff, plus everybody looks at you weird
 it's still very tempting but I restrain myself from squeezing organs every time I perform a surgery
 living organs are warm and more flexible
 have to stay very focused and really control myself
 >be at the ER one evening, not much to do
 turn a tv on in a little room for staff, see a football game on
 >I mean soccer
 awesome match, it gets more and more intense
 about 7 minutes before the final whistle, they tell me I have to operate
 they bring me a 4 month old girl
 fuck, can't stop watching now, it's a really good match
 have an idea
 >quickly move the tv so it's visible through a glass wall from the operating room
 huge screen, It'll work
 get dressed, go to operating room
 >4 minutes till end of the match, 2:2
 >I open up the toddler, she needs immediate help
 l keep peeking at the tv, nobody notices
 >in the meantime, I burry my hands in the girl's body, as a surgeon does
 >mfw her organs are the softest organs I've ever touched
 stay focused anon, even a tiny squeeze can fuck up the young organs really bad
 shit, a penalty kick in the extra time
 >I freeze, my hands inside the infant's body
 >I can't stop staring at the tv now, such an intense moment
 >Suddenly a nurse shouts "what the fuck dr anon", staring at my hands
 >I played with your heart
 >Oh baby, baby
Ass, Bailey Jay, and Bitch: File: 1382919303666.png-(160 KB, 399x357, bitch.png) Anonymous 10/27/13(Sun)20:15:03 No.513020284 Replies: 335130221613513022172513020043513023603 235102444033513024445 335130249251302522 23513025243513025469 513025884513028043 ITT: Fastfood stories 'll start: >be me living at uni >go to Subway to pick up some lunch before class >down time, only 2 other people in there >employee hears the bell and comes out from the back >9/10 skinny blond >holding her phone up to her ear but not talking >I wait a bit and she gives me lo figure she's on hold and I'd better order >"Ya, I'll have a 6-inch BLT on Italian and." ok >cunt cuts me off >"Can't you see I'm on the fucking phone?!" mfw waifor 2 minutes, 3 more people get in line behind me finally she finishes listening to her phone >"Alright, the hell do you want?" >dat filename >her mistake was bitching at me, a former Subway employee time to fuck up her day >order a footlong double-meat meatball sub on honey wheat bread that bread tears easier than any other and meatball subs are impossible to close correctly with a regular amount of meatballs make her microwave that shit for 2 minutes >she tries to use napkins to take it out so she's not burned fails miserably >order all the vegies >she tries to place a tiny bit of each kind on it >make her double everything >guy behind me laughing his ass off >bread is stretched completely open and tearing time to destroy this sandwich for sure >ask for oil, say tell her I'll say when she's used enough >wait for her to stop on her own >make her double that >oil bottle is basically empty added an assortment of other sauces just picked the ones that would dye her uniform the best colors sandwich is 40% sauces >she calls me an asshole and attempts to close the damn thing >sandwich immediatly spews all of it's contents all over her uniform, $200 jeans, and $500 shoes >she starts crying lean over the counter >"T've changed my mind, I'd like a 6-inch BLT on Italian."
Ass, Bailey Jay, and Bitch: File: 1382919303666.png-(160 KB, 399x357, bitch.png)
 Anonymous 10/27/13(Sun)20:15:03 No.513020284 Replies: 335130221613513022172513020043513023603 235102444033513024445 335130249251302522 23513025243513025469
 513025884513028043
 ITT: Fastfood stories
 'll start:
 >be me living at uni
 >go to Subway to pick up some lunch before class
 >down time, only 2 other people in there
 >employee hears the bell and comes out from the back
 >9/10 skinny blond
 >holding her phone up to her ear but not talking
 >I wait a bit and she gives me lo
 figure she's on hold and I'd better order
 >"Ya, I'll have a 6-inch BLT on Italian and."
 ok
 >cunt cuts me off
 >"Can't you see I'm on the fucking phone?!"
 mfw
 waifor 2 minutes, 3 more people get in line behind me
 finally she finishes listening to her phone
 >"Alright, the hell do you want?"
 >dat filename
 >her mistake was bitching at me, a former Subway employee
 time to fuck up her day
 >order a footlong double-meat meatball sub on honey wheat bread
 that bread tears easier than any other and meatball subs are impossible to close correctly with a regular amount of meatballs
 make her microwave that shit for 2 minutes
 >she tries to use napkins to take it out so she's not burned
 fails miserably
 >order all the vegies
 >she tries to place a tiny bit of each kind on it
 >make her double everything
 >guy behind me laughing his ass off
 >bread is stretched completely open and tearing
 time to destroy this sandwich for sure
 >ask for oil, say tell her I'll say when she's used enough
 >wait for her to stop on her own
 >make her double that
 >oil bottle is basically empty
 added an assortment of other sauces
 just picked the ones that would dye her uniform the best colors
 sandwich is 40% sauces
 >she calls me an asshole and attempts to close the damn thing
 >sandwich immediatly spews all of it's contents all over her uniform, $200 jeans, and $500 shoes
 >she starts crying
 lean over the counter
 >"T've changed my mind, I'd like a 6-inch BLT on Italian."
Ass, Back to Back, and Butt: File: 1375185212894.ipg-(12 KB, 200x200, 1324162602585.jpg) Anonymous (ID: FBT1KIKO) 07/30/13(Tue)06:53:32 UTC-5 No.496583724 Replies 22496583927 22496584039 22496584312 22496584558 22496584950 22496585203 22496585513 >be 1996 >have qt freshman gf >she wants to be a virgin until marriage use logic to convince her anal until marriage >her parents require that her bedroom door is always open >develop a nightly routine >watch back to back simpsons & seinfeld reruns while we spoon Si fuck her in the butt nearly every school night while tv volume is up for 2 years under covers >be 1998 >simpsons rerun finishing up, trying to cum before seinfeld finale starts her dad comes in, "Oh tonight's the finale!" >he sits down on the bed and starts chatting with us im responding to him when i start to cum in his daughters ass >doing my best to contain my facial expressions >he puts his hand on my gf's calf over the covers and does a little dad-rub >seinfeld starts, i'm still buried in her ass and my dick isn't going soft >girlfriend is totally frozen just watching seinfeld intensely >dad's hand is still resting on her leg outside covers >about 15 min in I can tell this isn't going to be a 30 min episode >45 min in, my dick is now rock hard again >the slightest movements on the bed are causing me to get closer to cumming again >her dad starts cracking up, his weight is shifting the bed up and down >can't stand this anymore, cum again in her ass >girlfriend breaks, starts crying >mfw her dad thought she was crying because seinfeld got sent to jail at the end
Ass, Back to Back, and Butt: File: 1375185212894.ipg-(12 KB, 200x200, 1324162602585.jpg)
 Anonymous (ID: FBT1KIKO) 07/30/13(Tue)06:53:32 UTC-5 No.496583724 Replies
 22496583927 22496584039 22496584312 22496584558 22496584950 22496585203 22496585513
 >be 1996
 >have qt freshman gf
 >she wants to be a virgin until marriage
 use logic to convince her anal until marriage
 >her parents require that her bedroom door is always open
 >develop a nightly routine
 >watch back to back simpsons & seinfeld reruns while we spoon
 Si fuck her in the butt nearly every school night while tv volume is up for 2 years
 under covers
 >be 1998
 >simpsons rerun finishing up, trying to cum before seinfeld finale starts
 her dad comes in, "Oh tonight's the finale!"
 >he sits down on the bed and starts chatting with us
 im responding to him when i start to cum in his daughters ass
 >doing my best to contain my facial expressions
 >he puts his hand on my gf's calf over the covers and does a little dad-rub
 >seinfeld starts, i'm still buried in her ass and my dick isn't going soft
 >girlfriend is totally frozen just watching seinfeld intensely
 >dad's hand is still resting on her leg outside covers
 >about 15 min in I can tell this isn't going to be a 30 min episode
 >45 min in, my dick is now rock hard again
 >the slightest movements on the bed are causing me to get closer to cumming again
 >her dad starts cracking up, his weight is shifting the bed up and down
 >can't stand this anymore, cum again in her ass
 >girlfriend breaks, starts crying
 >mfw her dad thought she was crying because seinfeld got sent to jail at the end
Ass, Bad, and Fall: Anonymous 1 1 2813(Thu)08 00 05 UTC-8 No 5 18457548 I▼ 12875204 42109 ia(438 KB, 19201200) shents go002 2 18458552 2251 452 齾m51 45 1414184 1141 22518451792 Resi e,weannRentraas2 rnasttis 18t01141 rani-tina be grade 10 mid year -thinks I get away with things too easy just a regular student, lMng the student Iife eacher gives me hard time in his class -Calls me a little shit haf the tme Get mad, decided to ruin his day Devise plan that I didnt know would grow into something more epic over the years moming Break ime dick head beachers dass no one mere puil down pants and hover my ass over his ury seachers chair epic 10 inch turd push his chair back into desk bell rings conveniently have his class next gives 10 minute lecture before sitting down he pulis out his chair with out looiking rsts -eyes widen, jumps up Class laughs hll over h s out the dass laughs for the whole day dont see dick head for the rest of the day nexdt day dick face siting thene wating for everyone to get in dont know who this pooping bandit is-but who ever you are im gunna make sure you are expe@ed" dass laughs leacher yells and hands out surprise test mtwI falt proud being called the "pooping bandr mfw I now have a secret reputation I start devising my More? it only get more epic from here 51845T548 2 weeks ater shit pants incident -Talk about it starting to die down now dick face teacher stll treats me like shit noice he leaves his Coffee cup on his desk during lunch bad move teach jimmy the door oper "been saing this one for 2 days manage to soaze out hree 4-5 inch babies with a pinch of rose on the sop Set cupt italmost up and leave camp out in my nexd dlass, conveniently across dick faces class start hearing laughter ned door -students from halway start piling in dick faces class to see my masterpiece Dick face finaly showa sees my sill warm bouquer Janitor comes by shortly to colect my art work People start trying to figure out the identity of the notorious pooping bandt start to think of where i strike net More? □ Anonymous 11/28 13Th 0903.59 UTC-8 No.518464270[,]쯔518464nos"5114a4617쯔61 4 4912 쯔51849510 51 7167, 1 468827>>61 472421, 1A4879 0Reeses-wees 1 month aner my lovely git Sludents start talking about the pooping bandil ike a hero ou are the e lanpg can you not the itle does he know. I heard ta call for justice find said bully's locker -Go back aher school when its quiet hi locker nto a Try not to be a asshole next year, with very warm regards, The pooping bandir nast day, locker clean out happens (cause last day of school) gossip about my form of justice bully leaves school and i never seen all summer Janitor comes by to clean out his locker with a hose Janitor laughs to himself the wholia tm -beta kid teling everyone about his role that was the day the pooping bande became a beacon of jusace Grade 11 only pets more epic from here Grade 11 staring day. it you ane in the crowd please stop this behaior or you wil be yadda yadda blah bla bandit is no realize the pooping bande has no undle s ofice psh wel I wasn't planing this today" plant it in the neat ple i made and atach sticky note 키 am not afraid Challenge accepted warm regards. The pooping Bandit' clean myser, and leave through window cause of to many people out the door Next moming over bells the school thene wil be a reward for any into related to the incident smiw when things are just gelting started Anonymous 11/28/13(Thu 11:48 14 UTC-8 No.518483454518483535184337402-51848748422518488582518488739 2518488812 3251848B152518422574 Reglies 21-32 221 rally in bandi say they hav him Gym doors bust open Guy wearing nothing but a black cape, bandana mask Tight shorts and rubber boots runs in Crowd goes jocks start moun bashing the bandt the bandt gets chased away nd out who the take "pooping bandr was >acquire 4 sadcs of hors Justico outside town -Go bacx tothe schol inte cover of right -lat loose one bag of justice all ovar the shower area and turn on the showers use the other 3 jusice filed bags for the lockers and now for the best parr Stick my ass in the locker and justice everywhere leave it open and put my note That was quite the flatering display at the rally. Dont let it happen again with very warm regards. The pooping Bandit clean my self and leave day THE FUCKING BANDIT GOT THE JOocksr nd out school got dosed due to cotreme Yandalismr the pooping bandit reaches legendary staus in school at this point -Things start to get more Challenging from here 3 weeks after Jocks at his point everyone is suspecing everyone police come to school to question suspects l never get called or noticed while they were there -he heads to the prinoiples office and isnt heard from for the rest of the day Start moth Feel bad for th go to his house in the dead of night -Sip note theough the mail slot for him You have done me a great serice, you get one favor, with warm regarda the P.B -Start litie shocked how fsst he responded but okay Find out he's going trough a bad break up with said gin ic she cheated biah blah Have bucket ive been shiting in all week in back yard -Take bucket over to her place during the night notice one of the windows open on the 2nd ftoor -Muck yea put on some rubber gloves and start making ball with the reat of my "paint gather my supplies and leave hear that the pooping bandt hit Ashley's house -over hear her Best friends saying a shit ball landing on the bed and rolled onto the floor Fall guy wasnt seen in school for the rest of the year I have lobs of Pooping Bandit tales up until last year, almost got caught but for now I think I will stop right there and continue the saga another day『I am summoned once again Pooping bandt away
Ass, Bad, and Fall: Anonymous 1 1 2813(Thu)08 00 05 UTC-8 No 5 18457548 I▼
 12875204 42109 ia(438 KB, 19201200) shents go002
 2
 18458552 2251
 452
 齾m51
 45 1414184
 1141 22518451792 Resi e,weannRentraas2
 rnasttis
 18t01141
 rani-tina
 be grade 10 mid year
 -thinks I get away with things too easy
 just a regular student, lMng the student Iife
 eacher gives me hard time in his class
 -Calls me a little shit haf the tme
 Get mad, decided to ruin his day
 Devise plan that I didnt know would grow into something more epic over the years
 moming Break ime
 dick head beachers dass
 no one mere
 puil down pants and hover my ass over his ury seachers chair
 epic 10 inch turd
 push his chair back into desk
 bell rings
 conveniently have his class next
 gives 10 minute lecture before sitting down
 he pulis out his chair with out looiking
 rsts
 -eyes widen, jumps up
 Class laughs
 hll over h
 s out the
 dass laughs for the whole day
 dont see dick head for the rest of the day
 nexdt day
 dick face siting thene wating for everyone to get in
 dont know who this pooping bandit is-but who ever you are im gunna make sure you are expe@ed"
 dass laughs
 leacher yells and hands out surprise test
 mtwI falt proud being called the "pooping bandr
 mfw I now have a secret reputation
 I start devising my
 More? it only get more epic from here
 51845T548
 2 weeks ater shit pants incident
 -Talk about it starting to die down now
 dick face teacher stll treats me like shit
 noice he leaves his Coffee cup on his desk during lunch
 bad move teach
 jimmy the door oper
 "been saing this one for 2 days
 manage to soaze out hree 4-5 inch babies with a pinch of rose on the sop
 Set cupt italmost
 up and leave
 camp out in my nexd dlass, conveniently across dick faces class
 start hearing laughter ned door
 -students from halway start piling in dick faces class to see my masterpiece
 Dick face finaly showa
 sees my sill warm bouquer
 Janitor comes by shortly to colect my art work
 People start trying to figure out the identity of the notorious pooping bandt
 start to think of where i strike net
 More?
 □
 Anonymous 11/28 13Th
 0903.59 UTC-8 No.518464270[,]쯔518464nos"5114a4617쯔61
 4
 4912 쯔51849510
 51
 7167,
 1
 468827>>61
 472421,
 1A4879
 0Reeses-wees
 1 month aner my lovely git
 Sludents start talking about the pooping bandil ike a hero
 ou are the e
 lanpg
 can you
 not the
 itle does he know. I heard ta call for justice
 find said bully's locker
 -Go back aher school when its quiet
 hi locker
 nto a
 Try not to be a asshole next year, with very warm regards, The pooping bandir
 nast day, locker clean out happens (cause last day of school)
 gossip about my form of justice
 bully leaves school and i never seen all summer
 Janitor comes by to clean out his locker with a hose
 Janitor laughs to himself the wholia tm
 -beta kid teling everyone about his role
 that was the day the pooping bande became a beacon of jusace
 Grade 11 only pets more epic from here
 Grade 11 staring day.
 it you ane in the crowd please stop this behaior or you wil be yadda yadda blah bla
 bandit is no
 realize the pooping bande has no undle
 s ofice
 psh
 wel I wasn't planing this today"
 plant it in the neat ple i made and atach sticky note
 키 am not afraid Challenge accepted warm regards. The pooping Bandit'
 clean myser, and leave through window cause of to many people out the door
 Next moming over
 bells the school thene wil be a reward for any into related to the incident
 smiw when things are just gelting started
 Anonymous 11/28/13(Thu 11:48 14 UTC-8 No.518483454518483535184337402-51848748422518488582518488739 2518488812 3251848B152518422574 Reglies 21-32 221
 rally in
 bandi
 say they hav him
 Gym doors bust open
 Guy wearing nothing but a black cape, bandana mask Tight shorts and rubber boots runs in
 Crowd goes
 jocks start moun bashing the bandt
 the bandt gets chased away
 nd out who the take "pooping bandr was
 >acquire 4 sadcs of hors Justico outside town
 -Go bacx tothe schol inte cover of right
 -lat loose one bag of justice all ovar the shower area and turn on the showers
 use the other 3 jusice filed bags for the lockers
 and now for the best parr
 Stick my ass in the locker and justice everywhere
 leave it open and put my note
 That was quite the flatering display at the rally. Dont let it happen again with very warm regards. The pooping Bandit
 clean my self and leave
 day
 THE FUCKING BANDIT GOT THE JOocksr
 nd out school got dosed due to cotreme Yandalismr
 the pooping bandit reaches legendary staus in school at this point
 -Things start to get more Challenging from here
 3 weeks after Jocks
 at his point everyone is suspecing everyone
 police come to school to question suspects
 l never get called or noticed while they were there
 -he heads to the prinoiples office and isnt heard from for the rest of the day
 Start moth
 Feel bad for th
 go to his house in the dead of night
 -Sip note theough the mail slot for him
 You have done me a great serice, you get one favor, with warm regarda the P.B
 -Start
 litie shocked how fsst he responded but okay
 Find out he's going trough a bad break up with said gin
 ic she cheated biah blah
 Have bucket ive been shiting in all week in back yard
 -Take bucket over to her place during the night
 notice one of the windows open on the 2nd ftoor
 -Muck yea
 put on some rubber gloves and start making ball with the reat of my "paint
 gather my supplies and leave
 hear that the pooping bandt hit Ashley's house
 -over hear her Best friends saying a shit ball landing on the bed and rolled onto the floor
 Fall guy wasnt seen in school for the rest of the year
 I have lobs of Pooping Bandit tales up until last year, almost got caught but for now I think I will stop right there and continue the saga another day『I am summoned once again
 Pooping bandt away
Blowjob, Fedora, and Fucking: File: 1370710900581 ipg-(82 KB, 600x874. a aaa-Banana-Shark jpg) Anonymous (D: MYJQYP94) 06/08/13(Sat)1301.40 No 485723075 Super beta stories IlI go first. >Be me about 16 >Beta to the max Have a hard time dealing with the ladies Mostly spend my down time browsing porn and fapping vs. a social life >Discover strange, yet pleasing ways to get my rocks off >Favorite way to fap is with banana peels WIll eat a banana, but peel it carefully so I can stick my dick in it >Masturbate vigorously into banana peel feelsgoodman.jpg Sometimes Il use the same peel two or three times before throwing it away Im a sick bastard, kriow Fast forward a few weeks >Been fapping in banana peels a lot >Getting dat potassium like a mad fucker >Develop a dependericy on fapping in banana peels >Masturbating with my fingerless gloves doesn't cut it anymore >Peel catches my load so it doesnt squirt all over my fedora. >Start calling my dick The Banania Shark >Typically pretty quiet kid in my classes >Smart as shit when it comes to Chemistry Can name all the elements on the Penodic Table >Fuck yeah. >Nice looking 8/10 knows I do well in Chemistry while she sucks dick at it >Pretty nice girl, not all prissy and stuck up like the other sluts >Actually talks to me >Asks if we can be lab partners >Fucking all the yes >Begins to get friendlier with me >Flirting level 3 engaged >Decide to actually be alpha for once After a few days of great chemistry in Chemistry, ask her to go to a movie with me >She says yes Anonymous (ID: MYJQYP94) 06/08/13(Sat)13:02 20 No 485723180 CONT Go to see Lucky Number Sievin Shes irnto mob mavies and wants to see it Theater is practically empty We sit in the back row Haltway through the movie, I notice she keeps looking at me Not paying attention anymore Hen tongue is in my mouth Her hand is an The Banana Shark The spaghetti is out of my pockets on the floor >She asks if have ever gotten head befare >Allmynope Unzips my pants to find a fully erect Banana Shark Starts to suck my dick TWO Tiiutes Anonyour dick tastes werd. Oh God, she can taste The Banana Shark l tastes like bananas Do you stick your dick in bananas Anon? Beta me returns S-s-sometimes. >Awkward as fuck OH GOD ANON TM ALLERGIC TO BANANAS Begins puking an my dick OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK >She begins to have a seizure Immediately call 911 MFW I cannot go back to that theater MFW I put a girl in the hospital with The Banana Shark MFW I haven't had a blowjob OR a date since Thanks a lot Banana Shark
Blowjob, Fedora, and Fucking: File: 1370710900581 ipg-(82 KB, 600x874. a aaa-Banana-Shark jpg)
 Anonymous (D: MYJQYP94) 06/08/13(Sat)1301.40 No 485723075
 Super beta stories IlI go first.
 >Be me about 16
 >Beta to the max
 Have a hard time dealing with the ladies
 Mostly spend my down time browsing porn and fapping vs. a social life
 >Discover strange, yet pleasing ways to get my rocks off
 >Favorite way to fap is with banana peels
 WIll eat a banana, but peel it carefully so I can stick my dick in it
 >Masturbate vigorously into banana peel
 feelsgoodman.jpg
 Sometimes Il use the same peel two or three times before throwing it away
 Im a sick bastard, kriow
 Fast forward a few weeks
 >Been fapping in banana peels a lot
 >Getting dat potassium like a mad fucker
 >Develop a dependericy on fapping in banana peels
 >Masturbating with my fingerless gloves doesn't cut it anymore
 >Peel catches my load so it doesnt squirt all over my fedora.
 >Start calling my dick The Banania Shark
 >Typically pretty quiet kid in my classes
 >Smart as shit when it comes to Chemistry
 Can name all the elements on the Penodic Table
 >Fuck yeah.
 >Nice looking 8/10 knows I do well in Chemistry while she sucks dick at it
 >Pretty nice girl, not all prissy and stuck up like the other sluts
 >Actually talks to me
 >Asks if we can be lab partners
 >Fucking all the yes
 >Begins to get friendlier with me
 >Flirting level 3 engaged
 >Decide to actually be alpha for once
 After a few days of great chemistry in Chemistry, ask her to go to a movie with me
 >She says yes
 Anonymous (ID: MYJQYP94) 06/08/13(Sat)13:02 20 No 485723180
 CONT
 Go to see Lucky Number Sievin
 Shes irnto mob mavies and wants to see it
 Theater is practically empty
 We sit in the back row
 Haltway through the movie, I notice she keeps looking at me
 Not paying attention anymore
 Hen tongue is in my mouth
 Her hand is an The Banana Shark
 The spaghetti is out of my pockets on the floor
 >She asks if have ever gotten head befare
 >Allmynope
 Unzips my pants to find a fully erect Banana Shark
 Starts to suck my dick
 TWO Tiiutes
 Anonyour dick tastes werd.
 Oh God, she can taste The Banana Shark
 l tastes like bananas Do you stick your dick in bananas Anon?
 Beta me returns
 S-s-sometimes.
 >Awkward as fuck
 OH GOD ANON TM ALLERGIC TO BANANAS
 Begins puking an my dick
 OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK
 >She begins to have a seizure
 Immediately call 911
 MFW I cannot go back to that theater
 MFW I put a girl in the hospital with The Banana Shark
 MFW I haven't had a blowjob OR a date since
 Thanks a lot Banana Shark
Ass, Bad, and Crying: File: 1361731956805.ipg-(5 KB, 240x179, Insane hobo kid with polio.jpg) Anonymous (ID: cc1mr+26) 02124/13(Sun)13:52:36 No.461009390 Rep >Be 9 year old me >Have a bad stomach for 2 weeks >Doctors say I might be allergic to millk fuckthat.jpg love O'boy (chocoloate milk) and will never stop drinking it >Wake up one morning with extreme stomach pain >Spend entire morning on toilet >No more pains thank god >Go out for breakfast, make tuna toast for me and my 5 year old bro >Fucking delicious, but something is missing crave Oboy now, my earlier stomach pains are completely forgotten >Mmmmh fucking O'boy man >A few hours pass, playing mario kart with brother >He sucks, i'm laughing at him, although he's only 5, he should know how to throw bananas >Laughing really hard by now, can't breath >mfw he's driving the wrong direction win the round, waiting for everyone to end the lap >5 year old bro haven't even driven his first lap yet >My sides are now sprawling on the floor get this brilliant idea to fart in his face (done this many times before) pull down my underwear and put my ass-cheeks towards his face >Let out a huge fart >Fart is followed by liquid shit >My peacefully playing little brother is now getting sprayed with shit >A few seconds pass, bro looks like he's about to cry >Suddenly he screams louder than ive ever heard anyone scream before >Dad heard the scream >He comes in and sees his youngest kid sprayed with shit, crying stand there without underwear, shocked >Dad pukes >Lil bro is crying begin to cry Grounded for 2 weeks I havent drinked O'boy ever since, although i'm not allergic to milk.
Ass, Bad, and Crying: File: 1361731956805.ipg-(5 KB, 240x179, Insane hobo kid with polio.jpg)
 Anonymous (ID: cc1mr+26) 02124/13(Sun)13:52:36 No.461009390 Rep
 >Be 9 year old me
 >Have a bad stomach for 2 weeks
 >Doctors say I might be allergic to millk
 fuckthat.jpg
 love O'boy (chocoloate milk) and will never stop drinking it
 >Wake up one morning with extreme stomach pain
 >Spend entire morning on toilet
 >No more pains thank god
 >Go out for breakfast, make tuna toast for me and my 5 year old bro
 >Fucking delicious, but something is missing
 crave Oboy now, my earlier stomach pains are completely forgotten
 >Mmmmh fucking O'boy man
 >A few hours pass, playing mario kart with brother
 >He sucks, i'm laughing at him, although he's only 5, he should know how to throw bananas
 >Laughing really hard by now, can't breath
 >mfw he's driving the wrong direction
 win the round, waiting for everyone to end the lap
 >5 year old bro haven't even driven his first lap yet
 >My sides are now sprawling on the floor
 get this brilliant idea to fart in his face (done this many times before)
 pull down my underwear and put my ass-cheeks towards his face
 >Let out a huge fart
 >Fart is followed by liquid shit
 >My peacefully playing little brother is now getting sprayed with shit
 >A few seconds pass, bro looks like he's about to cry
 >Suddenly he screams louder than ive ever heard anyone scream before
 >Dad heard the scream
 >He comes in and sees his youngest kid sprayed with shit, crying
 stand there without underwear, shocked
 >Dad pukes
 >Lil bro is crying
 begin to cry
 Grounded for 2 weeks
 I havent drinked O'boy ever since, although i'm not allergic to milk.
Bad, Clock, and Family: File: okkk.ong (175 KB, 500x375) Anonymous (ID GHIND) 07/05/14(Sat)03:31:26 No. 554774383 okay /b/, story time >be me >beta 15 ylo >had weed a few times, nothing bad happened >decide to try acid, know a guy hooks me up, go home >close room door, close blinds >time to fucking party lying on bed waiting for effects to kick in >ohfuckthereitis.jpg >nothing looks right >decide to play some vidya to see what its like >good ol zelda on wi >after 10 minutes get hungry >try to leave, door wont open >find key and unlock door, needed alot of force, must have been stuck >go downstairs >see parents on couch strying to act cool >howstheweather.png >they leave after a while, success >make some nutella toast >taste like shit >sudden urge to evacuate my bowels >just make it to the toilet before i start errupting >feels good man >decide to sleep, grab blanket and clock the fuck out >wake up to screaming >too tired to comprehend >go back to sleep >wake up in hospital >mfw what actually happened, according to my family >got out of bed and threw zelda game case at the wall >jumped around in front of my off tv swinging a spoon like a wii remote >after an hour of this i shoved the spoon into the keyhole and threw myself against the door untill the lock and my shoulder broke >went downstairs >made a variety of facial expressions at parents while saying weather over and over untill they left >went to kitchen spread nutella onto bare hand and took a bite >blood trail all the way to my sisters room where i sat on her chair and took a huge dump >fell asleep wrapped in a rug from the floor, where sister found me 10 minutes later parents couldnt look at me for a month, sister wont talk to me whats your worst tripping balls experience /b/?
Bad, Clock, and Family: File: okkk.ong (175 KB, 500x375)
 Anonymous (ID GHIND) 07/05/14(Sat)03:31:26 No. 554774383
 okay /b/, story time
 >be me
 >beta 15 ylo
 >had weed a few times, nothing bad happened
 >decide to try acid, know a guy
 hooks me up, go home
 >close room door, close blinds
 >time to fucking party
 lying on bed waiting for effects to kick in
 >ohfuckthereitis.jpg
 >nothing looks right
 >decide to play some vidya to see what its like
 >good ol zelda on wi
 >after 10 minutes get hungry
 >try to leave, door wont open
 >find key and unlock door, needed alot of force, must have been stuck
 >go downstairs
 >see parents on couch
 strying to act cool
 >howstheweather.png
 >they leave after a while, success
 >make some nutella toast
 >taste like shit
 >sudden urge to evacuate my bowels
 >just make it to the toilet before i start errupting
 >feels good man
 >decide to sleep, grab blanket and clock the fuck out
 >wake up to screaming
 >too tired to comprehend
 >go back to sleep
 >wake up in hospital
 >mfw
 what actually happened, according to my family
 >got out of bed and threw zelda game case at the wall
 >jumped around in front of my off tv swinging a spoon like a wii remote
 >after an hour of this i shoved the spoon into the keyhole and threw myself against the door untill the lock and my shoulder broke
 >went downstairs
 >made a variety of facial expressions at parents while saying weather over and over untill they left
 >went to kitchen spread nutella onto bare hand and took a bite
 >blood trail all the way to my sisters room where i sat on her chair and took a huge dump
 >fell asleep wrapped in a rug from the floor, where sister found me 10 minutes later
 parents couldnt look at me for a month, sister wont talk to me
 whats your worst tripping balls experience /b/?
Ass, Bad, and Crying: (5 KB, 240x179, Insane hobo kid with polio.jpg) Anonymous (ID: cc1mr+26) 02/24/13(Sun)13:52:36 No.461009390 Rep >Be 9 year old me >Have a bad stomach for 2 weeks >Doctors say l might be allergic to milk fuckthat.jpg >I love O'boy (chocoloate milk) and will never stop drinking it >Wake up one morning with extreme stomach pain >Spend entire morning on toilet >No more pains thank god >Go out for breakfast, make tuna toast for me and my 5 year old bro >Fucking delicious, but something is missing crave Oboy now, my earlier stomach pains are completely forgotten >Mmmmh fucking O'boy man >A few hours pass, playing mario kart with brother >He sucks, i'm laughing at him, although he's only 5, he should know how to throw bananas Laughing really hard by now, can't breath >mfw he's driving the wrong direction win the round, waiting for everyone to end the lap >5 year old bro haven't even driven his first lap yet >My sides are now sprawling on the floor get this brilliant idea to fart in his face (done this many times before) pull down my underwear and put my ass-cheeks towards his face >Let out a huge fart >Fart is followed by liquid shit >My peacefully playing little brother is now getting sprayed with shit >A few seconds pass, bro looks like he's about to cry >Suddenly he screams louder than ive ever heard anyone scream before >Dad heard the scream >He comes in and sees his youngest kid sprayed with shit, crying stand there without underwear, shocked >Dad pukes >Lil bro is crying begin to cry Grounded for 2 weeks I havent drinked O'boy ever since, although i'm not allergic to milk.
Ass, Bad, and Crying: (5 KB, 240x179, Insane hobo kid with polio.jpg)
 Anonymous (ID: cc1mr+26) 02/24/13(Sun)13:52:36 No.461009390 Rep
 >Be 9 year old me
 >Have a bad stomach for 2 weeks
 >Doctors say l might be allergic to milk
 fuckthat.jpg
 >I love O'boy (chocoloate milk) and will never stop drinking it
 >Wake up one morning with extreme stomach pain
 >Spend entire morning on toilet
 >No more pains thank god
 >Go out for breakfast, make tuna toast for me and my 5 year old bro
 >Fucking delicious, but something is missing
 crave Oboy now, my earlier stomach pains are completely forgotten
 >Mmmmh fucking O'boy man
 >A few hours pass, playing mario kart with brother
 >He sucks, i'm laughing at him, although he's only 5, he should know how to throw bananas
 Laughing really hard by now, can't breath
 >mfw he's driving the wrong direction
 win the round, waiting for everyone to end the lap
 >5 year old bro haven't even driven his first lap yet
 >My sides are now sprawling on the floor
 get this brilliant idea to fart in his face (done this many times before)
 pull down my underwear and put my ass-cheeks towards his face
 >Let out a huge fart
 >Fart is followed by liquid shit
 >My peacefully playing little brother is now getting sprayed with shit
 >A few seconds pass, bro looks like he's about to cry
 >Suddenly he screams louder than ive ever heard anyone scream before
 >Dad heard the scream
 >He comes in and sees his youngest kid sprayed with shit, crying
 stand there without underwear, shocked
 >Dad pukes
 >Lil bro is crying
 begin to cry
 Grounded for 2 weeks
 I havent drinked O'boy ever since, although i'm not allergic to milk.
Family, Friends, and Funny: File: cSP98.ipg (32 KB, 620x400) O ITT: times that you fucked with someone without even knowing it. Anonymous 01/21/18(Sun)22:37:02 No.42661733 >be me ipod came out when I was in middle school, and my family was rich as hell, so I got one on launch date got some random music that I can't remember, but I managed to find a communist anthem somewhere me being in middle school, and thinking that it was super funny to "ironically" support the communists,I got it onto the Ipod and brought it to school. there is a courtyard outside of the school that is next to some of the science classes there is a teacher in the general area that carries a megaphone but has a habit of putting it down for minutes at a time to go yell at kids me and a few friends hang around in this general area, until eventually, she spies one kid running and starts doing a half jog towards him >ourchance.flv turn ipod volume to max and put the earbud in between my fingers and place it directly on the microphone of the megaphone turn megaphone volume to max play ussr anthem it sounds like absolute shit, but you can still tell its there. int it at a few classrooms and then put the megaphone back down when we can see the monitor coming back laugh like dumbasses and go to class find out some girl was giving a really important presentation for her science class at the time that we were doing this and had a nervous breakdown in front of the whole class teacher was unforgiving and gave her an F >that counted for a third of her grade mfw she had to repeat science
Family, Friends, and Funny: File: cSP98.ipg (32 KB, 620x400)
 O ITT: times that you fucked with someone without even knowing it. Anonymous 01/21/18(Sun)22:37:02 No.42661733
 >be me
 ipod came out when I was in middle school, and my family was rich as hell, so I got one on launch date
 got some random music that I can't remember, but I managed to find a communist anthem somewhere
 me being in middle school, and thinking that it was super funny to "ironically" support the communists,I got it onto the Ipod and brought it
 to school.
 there is a courtyard outside of the school that is next to some of the science classes
 there is a teacher in the general area that carries a megaphone but has a habit of putting it down for minutes at a time to go yell at kids
 me and a few friends hang around in this general area, until eventually, she spies one kid running and starts doing a half jog towards him
 >ourchance.flv
 turn ipod volume to max and put the earbud in between my fingers and place it directly on the microphone of the megaphone
 turn megaphone volume to max
 play ussr anthem
 it sounds like absolute shit, but you can still tell its there.
 int it at a few classrooms and then put the megaphone back down when we can see the monitor coming back
 laugh like dumbasses and go to class
 find out some girl was giving a really important presentation for her science class at the time that we were doing this and had a nervous breakdown in front of the whole class
 teacher was unforgiving and gave her an F
 >that counted for a third of her grade
 mfw she had to repeat science