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Memes, Iceland, and Icelandic: a pug in a tub Dr Smashlove Say Bruh what happened to bath time? Like why after a certain age u gotta take showers? Like I take my lil seven minutes to find the perfect shower song (ayeeee...proper musical curation take time πŸ˜‡) and then as soon as the Migos hit that "seventeen five, same color, t shirt", I'm massaging my nether regions with Rocky Mountain Lavender Soap (twice the lavender - fvck with your boy πŸ€—) and bam, phone call. Another phone call. Can I join a conference call. Secretary saying where u at smash it's people here to see u. Y'all just don't want smash to have anything nice, do u. I can't even bathe my nostrils in soft lavender steam without a reminder that I've sold my soul to work πŸ˜›. With that said who wanna take a trip to Iceland with smash and bathe in a hot spring. No cell phone roaming. Just soaking in the wilderness while wild animals descend from the mountains and salute us, and then we can dine on local delicacies such as HrΓΊtspungur (ram testes). Just kidding! U wild mama smash is from the hood, I might put my balls on yo tongue but I ain't putting balls on MY tongue u wild hahaha nah for real tho. Let's take a vacation to a destination where a bath is a way of life to make up for all the adult baths we missed. My body is ready πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Memes, Iceland, and Icelandic: a pug in a tub
 Dr Smashlove
Say Bruh what happened to bath time? Like why after a certain age u gotta take showers? Like I take my lil seven minutes to find the perfect shower song (ayeeee...proper musical curation take time πŸ˜‡) and then as soon as the Migos hit that "seventeen five, same color, t shirt", I'm massaging my nether regions with Rocky Mountain Lavender Soap (twice the lavender - fvck with your boy πŸ€—) and bam, phone call. Another phone call. Can I join a conference call. Secretary saying where u at smash it's people here to see u. Y'all just don't want smash to have anything nice, do u. I can't even bathe my nostrils in soft lavender steam without a reminder that I've sold my soul to work πŸ˜›. With that said who wanna take a trip to Iceland with smash and bathe in a hot spring. No cell phone roaming. Just soaking in the wilderness while wild animals descend from the mountains and salute us, and then we can dine on local delicacies such as HrΓΊtspungur (ram testes). Just kidding! U wild mama smash is from the hood, I might put my balls on yo tongue but I ain't putting balls on MY tongue u wild hahaha nah for real tho. Let's take a vacation to a destination where a bath is a way of life to make up for all the adult baths we missed. My body is ready πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Say Bruh what happened to bath time? Like why after a certain age u gotta take showers? Like I take my lil seven minutes to find the perfect...

Arthur, Bless Up, and Chicago: when you get a surprise kiss @DrSmashlove Now look, u gon date people who throw red flags up. Red flags left. Red flags right. They gon tie a red flag around your face and u gon wake up in the middle of the night suffocating and sweating whipping your arms around the bed thinking u in a secret CIA facility and a sexy woman in a US Army uniform got a towel around your face pouring water in your nostrils and u think she waterboarding u and u like "I DON'T KNOW NOTHING BOUT NO TERRORIST ACT AT THE SUPER BOWL COT DAMMIT I WORK IN FINANCE AND RUN A IG ACCOUNT FOR FUN I COULDN'T BLOW UP A BOTTLE ROCKET LET ALONE A STADIUM LEMME GO HOME I MISS CHICAGO YALL DON'T HAVE DEEP DISH PIZZA IN IRAQ - OR INTELLIGENTSIA COFFEE - AGGGHKKKHHHH" *gurgle* *suffocate* *almost die* *wake up next to the same pretty girl in bed who is crazy AF but imma keep messing with her because I'm not right in the head* πŸ˜• Anyway to top it off Bruh I'm the ultimate red flag. I do disclaimers now: "I had a bad childhood. I get sad. I'm anxious about work because I have a high amount of responsibility and don't take vacations so my hands are permanently squeezed like the Arthur meme. Please sign these waivers that my lawyer prepared. Yes. Initial there. Notarize here. Ok wonderful, u can touch the PP now πŸ€—." Nah but real talk at the end of the day, red flags will always be alluring. Captivating. "Maybe I can change this person? Or maybe this person won't burn me like they burned others." No, and hell no πŸ˜‚. If u date a snake, just understand that despite how beautiful and silky that snake is, one day it's gon bite. U might recall that Siegfried and Roy, the Las Vegas couple that puts on shows with wild animals, once had an incident where a tiger bit, and paralyzed, Roy. Chris Rock joked that the "tiger went tiger." Roy never blamed the tiger and even said the tiger was trying to take care of him. Roy understood the tiger's nature and didn't resent the tiger when it's nature revealed itself. Next time u get bit just remember - if that's in their nature, it was just a matter of time. U could obsess over people's shortcomings or enjoy the good they had to offer and let it ride. Ya get me! Bless up πŸ™Œβ€
Arthur, Bless Up, and Chicago: when you get a surprise kiss
 @DrSmashlove
Now look, u gon date people who throw red flags up. Red flags left. Red flags right. They gon tie a red flag around your face and u gon wake up in the middle of the night suffocating and sweating whipping your arms around the bed thinking u in a secret CIA facility and a sexy woman in a US Army uniform got a towel around your face pouring water in your nostrils and u think she waterboarding u and u like "I DON'T KNOW NOTHING BOUT NO TERRORIST ACT AT THE SUPER BOWL COT DAMMIT I WORK IN FINANCE AND RUN A IG ACCOUNT FOR FUN I COULDN'T BLOW UP A BOTTLE ROCKET LET ALONE A STADIUM LEMME GO HOME I MISS CHICAGO YALL DON'T HAVE DEEP DISH PIZZA IN IRAQ - OR INTELLIGENTSIA COFFEE - AGGGHKKKHHHH" *gurgle* *suffocate* *almost die* *wake up next to the same pretty girl in bed who is crazy AF but imma keep messing with her because I'm not right in the head* πŸ˜• Anyway to top it off Bruh I'm the ultimate red flag. I do disclaimers now: "I had a bad childhood. I get sad. I'm anxious about work because I have a high amount of responsibility and don't take vacations so my hands are permanently squeezed like the Arthur meme. Please sign these waivers that my lawyer prepared. Yes. Initial there. Notarize here. Ok wonderful, u can touch the PP now πŸ€—." Nah but real talk at the end of the day, red flags will always be alluring. Captivating. "Maybe I can change this person? Or maybe this person won't burn me like they burned others." No, and hell no πŸ˜‚. If u date a snake, just understand that despite how beautiful and silky that snake is, one day it's gon bite. U might recall that Siegfried and Roy, the Las Vegas couple that puts on shows with wild animals, once had an incident where a tiger bit, and paralyzed, Roy. Chris Rock joked that the "tiger went tiger." Roy never blamed the tiger and even said the tiger was trying to take care of him. Roy understood the tiger's nature and didn't resent the tiger when it's nature revealed itself. Next time u get bit just remember - if that's in their nature, it was just a matter of time. U could obsess over people's shortcomings or enjoy the good they had to offer and let it ride. Ya get me! Bless up πŸ™Œβ€

Now look, u gon date people who throw red flags up. Red flags left. Red flags right. They gon tie a red flag around your face and u gon wake...

Bless Up, Juice, and Memes: go big or go home. he said yes!! @Dr Smashlove Put th on up (a u. MARRY MARR ME 2 U know what Bruh? Shout to u big girls at the gym. Shout to all u pretty ass big girls, I see u. I see u saddling up to the stair master next to me all self conscious. Sweater around the ass and thighs. Whole bunch of perfume on u because u afraid u gon sweat real hard and stink, I see u big girl - don't be shy. Let me inhale your essence...smash is a pervert, I fux with your delicate hormonal musk intermixed with half a bottle of Victoria Secret "Sexy Little Things Noir" - ain't nothing little or noir bout u, u more like a Sexy Voluptuous White Thing but it's all the same to me, my PP colorblind AF 😍 - now let that sweaty goodness waft into my nostrils, it get my engine going. Big girl I fux with your determination to make a change and get healthy. Society has hammered it into your head that big can't be beautiful but u know yo ass beautiful, u just here to get faster. Stronger. Juice that metabolism. Maybe u got diabetes in your family and u trying to reduce the risk. Regardless - u doing what's best. U taking that step. Lemme spot u while u do a pull up. One pull up hard AF the first time but cop that little door-hanging device for $19.99 and do them daily with a little chair to spot u and bam. Pretty soon u gon be a Cot damn pull up machine keeping pace with me doin 20-25 in a row. U feel me? Progress. I believe in u, big girl. Remember. It's not about being pretty. FUCK who thinks u can't be both big and pretty. This is about being the best u that u can be. Ya get me! More life more health more energy more good sex in 2017 leh go! Bless up 😍
Bless Up, Juice, and Memes: go big or go home. he said yes!!
 @Dr Smashlove
 Put th
 on
 up
 (a u.
 MARRY
 MARR
 ME 2
U know what Bruh? Shout to u big girls at the gym. Shout to all u pretty ass big girls, I see u. I see u saddling up to the stair master next to me all self conscious. Sweater around the ass and thighs. Whole bunch of perfume on u because u afraid u gon sweat real hard and stink, I see u big girl - don't be shy. Let me inhale your essence...smash is a pervert, I fux with your delicate hormonal musk intermixed with half a bottle of Victoria Secret "Sexy Little Things Noir" - ain't nothing little or noir bout u, u more like a Sexy Voluptuous White Thing but it's all the same to me, my PP colorblind AF 😍 - now let that sweaty goodness waft into my nostrils, it get my engine going. Big girl I fux with your determination to make a change and get healthy. Society has hammered it into your head that big can't be beautiful but u know yo ass beautiful, u just here to get faster. Stronger. Juice that metabolism. Maybe u got diabetes in your family and u trying to reduce the risk. Regardless - u doing what's best. U taking that step. Lemme spot u while u do a pull up. One pull up hard AF the first time but cop that little door-hanging device for $19.99 and do them daily with a little chair to spot u and bam. Pretty soon u gon be a Cot damn pull up machine keeping pace with me doin 20-25 in a row. U feel me? Progress. I believe in u, big girl. Remember. It's not about being pretty. FUCK who thinks u can't be both big and pretty. This is about being the best u that u can be. Ya get me! More life more health more energy more good sex in 2017 leh go! Bless up 😍

U know what Bruh? Shout to u big girls at the gym. Shout to all u pretty ass big girls, I see u. I see u saddling up to the stair master nex...

Bad Day, Bunnies, and Memes: INCASE UR HAVING A BAD DAY LOOK AT THIS DOG IT LOOKS LIKE A BUNNY @DrSmashlove ζ–―ε±± Ladies I swear y'all are partly ninja by nature, lemme explain. U crash with a girl for two days. U with her every second of the day. U tracking her every movement. Y'all in a cot damn remote cabin in the woods. The girl will not poop in front of u. Not in the room. Not anywhere else. Did she literally poop on some leaves in the forest? Who knows. She a ninja, and she move like one. She'll have u thinking she litchrally don't poop - like she eat solid food and it evaporate out of her skin particles. Bruh u could be on vacation with a girl in the Philippines, find some weed, smoke it, get busted, get thrown in a prison cell WITH your bae, and she ain't gon poop in that prison cell. She gon wait till u schleep, blow the prison guard in exchange for access to the officer's bathroom, poop there, and then come back and u wake up and u like "baby...it's been six days...it's ok...u can poop" and she just like "LOL no baby I'm good I don't have to go! β˜ΊοΈπŸ’•" Nah but lemme be clear. U get serious with this girl. Y'all get comfortable. Maybe y'all hit the two year point. U gon wake up in a hotel with her. Actually u ain't gon wake up. U still in the bed, schleep. But in your dream, nuclear apocalypse has happened. There is death everywhere. U come upon a ravine filled with dead, rotting bodies. U feel me? Like a whole sea of dead people, rotting corpses, transforming into zombies. It hit your nostrils. U get the inclination to vomit but u just dry heaving. U sweating. Panicking. Doing the running man in the bed like your legs tryina propel u forward. And then u realize. The world hasn't ended. That rotten mammal flesh odor burning your nostrils that set off all your fear sensors? That's bae. She just pooped in your vicinity (hotel room bathroom, to be exact.) And yo life never gon be the same. U little savages Bruh? U little 102 pound joints? Mandy the lil blond with a button nose and the bird tattoo behind the ear? Y'all the worst. Stop it - y'all the worst. Of ALL. One poopie from one of u small girls and I'm in cardiac arrest. Men lemme burst your bubble right quick: girls poop. Just like us. All I'm saying is when it happen, be prepared. Ya get me? BE PREPARED πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Bad Day, Bunnies, and Memes: INCASE UR HAVING A BAD DAY LOOK AT
 THIS DOG IT LOOKS LIKE A BUNNY
 @DrSmashlove
 ζ–―ε±±
Ladies I swear y'all are partly ninja by nature, lemme explain. U crash with a girl for two days. U with her every second of the day. U tracking her every movement. Y'all in a cot damn remote cabin in the woods. The girl will not poop in front of u. Not in the room. Not anywhere else. Did she literally poop on some leaves in the forest? Who knows. She a ninja, and she move like one. She'll have u thinking she litchrally don't poop - like she eat solid food and it evaporate out of her skin particles. Bruh u could be on vacation with a girl in the Philippines, find some weed, smoke it, get busted, get thrown in a prison cell WITH your bae, and she ain't gon poop in that prison cell. She gon wait till u schleep, blow the prison guard in exchange for access to the officer's bathroom, poop there, and then come back and u wake up and u like "baby...it's been six days...it's ok...u can poop" and she just like "LOL no baby I'm good I don't have to go! β˜ΊοΈπŸ’•" Nah but lemme be clear. U get serious with this girl. Y'all get comfortable. Maybe y'all hit the two year point. U gon wake up in a hotel with her. Actually u ain't gon wake up. U still in the bed, schleep. But in your dream, nuclear apocalypse has happened. There is death everywhere. U come upon a ravine filled with dead, rotting bodies. U feel me? Like a whole sea of dead people, rotting corpses, transforming into zombies. It hit your nostrils. U get the inclination to vomit but u just dry heaving. U sweating. Panicking. Doing the running man in the bed like your legs tryina propel u forward. And then u realize. The world hasn't ended. That rotten mammal flesh odor burning your nostrils that set off all your fear sensors? That's bae. She just pooped in your vicinity (hotel room bathroom, to be exact.) And yo life never gon be the same. U little savages Bruh? U little 102 pound joints? Mandy the lil blond with a button nose and the bird tattoo behind the ear? Y'all the worst. Stop it - y'all the worst. Of ALL. One poopie from one of u small girls and I'm in cardiac arrest. Men lemme burst your bubble right quick: girls poop. Just like us. All I'm saying is when it happen, be prepared. Ya get me? BE PREPARED πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Ladies I swear y'all are partly ninja by nature, lemme explain. U crash with a girl for two days. U with her every second of the day. U trac...

Bless Up, Massage, and Memes: half pitbull half golden retriever @Drsmashlove It's always nice to check into a hotel and find out u forgot your toothbrush and the front desk dude gotchu on the hook-up. With that said I once crashed at a girl crib and woke up with nothing but a wallet and a phone and low and behold she had a new toothbrush waiting for me by the sink. Just like needles, I don't allow a toothbrush in my body unless I see it bust out the wrapper (u people who will grab any toothbrush u see and just Colgate away like it's nothing are absolute savages - I swear it's humans out here who was raised by wolves and then released into humanity to blend with normal humans - and don't give me the "we just exchanged bodily fluids" argument, bc it's a difference - I laid pipe - I didn't aggressively scratch your gums until then bled and then suck on them like some type of hood vampire lmao). Anyway ladies it ain't gotta be a Reach brand $6.99 joint with the curvy head and the gum massaging rubber extenditures - any extremely cheap one will do but if I can leave yo crib and walk straight into a meeting with my balls empty and my breath minty imma love u forever. U going in the will: "Janet with the incredible Sloppius Toppius who bequeathed a toothbrush upon me: $5,000". Go head girl u deserve it. I appreciate u 😍. Now just to be clear, I always got a toothbrush on me πŸ˜‚. So this shit ain't a necessity. I'm just saying it was a nice touch. Oh - bonus. It ain't nothing like eating Punani after brushing your teeth. It's like a palette cleanse. Like u at Sephora and u in between smelling colognes, and the pretty, slightly overweight Latina girl with the impeccable eyebrows and beautiful eyes (I see you Rosalina come holla at me Ma - witchoe fine ass 😍) hand u the lil cup of coffee beans like "here go some coffee beans to cleanse your nostrils." The toothbrush scrubs the impurities and then I get to taste the rare and exotic overnight Punani flavor notes. The honey notes, the mango notes - the pleasant mouthfeel (if you will) of a marinated Punani. But u gotta brush first. U feel me? Key takeaways: (1) have toothbrushes for overnight guests, and (2) scrub yo Stanky ass mouf before u devour the Punani. Bless up! πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Bless Up, Massage, and Memes: half pitbull half golden retriever
 @Drsmashlove
It's always nice to check into a hotel and find out u forgot your toothbrush and the front desk dude gotchu on the hook-up. With that said I once crashed at a girl crib and woke up with nothing but a wallet and a phone and low and behold she had a new toothbrush waiting for me by the sink. Just like needles, I don't allow a toothbrush in my body unless I see it bust out the wrapper (u people who will grab any toothbrush u see and just Colgate away like it's nothing are absolute savages - I swear it's humans out here who was raised by wolves and then released into humanity to blend with normal humans - and don't give me the "we just exchanged bodily fluids" argument, bc it's a difference - I laid pipe - I didn't aggressively scratch your gums until then bled and then suck on them like some type of hood vampire lmao). Anyway ladies it ain't gotta be a Reach brand $6.99 joint with the curvy head and the gum massaging rubber extenditures - any extremely cheap one will do but if I can leave yo crib and walk straight into a meeting with my balls empty and my breath minty imma love u forever. U going in the will: "Janet with the incredible Sloppius Toppius who bequeathed a toothbrush upon me: $5,000". Go head girl u deserve it. I appreciate u 😍. Now just to be clear, I always got a toothbrush on me πŸ˜‚. So this shit ain't a necessity. I'm just saying it was a nice touch. Oh - bonus. It ain't nothing like eating Punani after brushing your teeth. It's like a palette cleanse. Like u at Sephora and u in between smelling colognes, and the pretty, slightly overweight Latina girl with the impeccable eyebrows and beautiful eyes (I see you Rosalina come holla at me Ma - witchoe fine ass 😍) hand u the lil cup of coffee beans like "here go some coffee beans to cleanse your nostrils." The toothbrush scrubs the impurities and then I get to taste the rare and exotic overnight Punani flavor notes. The honey notes, the mango notes - the pleasant mouthfeel (if you will) of a marinated Punani. But u gotta brush first. U feel me? Key takeaways: (1) have toothbrushes for overnight guests, and (2) scrub yo Stanky ass mouf before u devour the Punani. Bless up! πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

It's always nice to check into a hotel and find out u forgot your toothbrush and the front desk dude gotchu on the hook-up. With that said I...