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    Apparently, Confused, and Family: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend's Shower
 Routine
 NEWS Local Relationships ISSUE 49-29 Jul 16, 2013
 23
 Jacob Ferris, 25, has no idea what his girlfriend Sarah uses this rock in her shower for
rubitrightintomyeyes:
theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath  Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.



    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Apparently, Confused, and Family: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend's Shower
 Routine
 NEWS Local Relationships ISSUE 49-29 Jul 16, 2013
 23
 Jacob Ferris, 25, has no idea what his girlfriend Sarah uses this rock in her shower for
rubitrightintomyeyes:
theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath  Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.



                
            

            
            
rubitrightintomyeyes:
theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full exte...

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Being Alone, Cheating, and Crazy: And you guys have the nerve
 to call me a liar you had the
 nerve to try and act like my
 friend stand and see the
 sadness I was in friend me on
 Facebook, and then post
 pictures of my husband that
 you came from
 by God knows who to
 probably purposely interfere
 and feed him lies or you both
 were in on it together, COPS
 thats Who you both probably
 work for or you recruited him
 and he really did love me in
 the beginning your probably
 not even the real girl he was
 talking to l bet your whole
 identity fake, well l'm going to
 find out everything about you
 who you both are, and if it's
 the last thing I ever dol
 promise you that now l'm
 taking the private
 investigatorsrt on A
 and proof he, hired and
 sent
 You can't reply to this conversation. Learn More

 paid, to purposely inflict
 mental duress and trigger my
 PTSD I thought the was you
 on the nanny cam but see
 that's why A didn't get a
 dime, because he Was sloppy
 in the beginning And
 betweens, I knew he was
 cheating and using me and
 apart of publicly outing me
 after the wedding to create
 mental dehabilitation ive got
 all your names identities and
 pictures but atleastni figured
 it out before I was stupid
 enough to buy a car or pay a
 attorney it's you and him that
 hack my electronics vou were
 the one moving my stuff and
 hiding it when you were over
 here fucking him you both are
 perfect for each other
 psychopaths liars users and
 snakes but I promise you if l
 do it with my last breath I'm
 going to mak J 'e he goes to
 jail and if I'm лу I'll get all of
 You can't reply to this conversation. Learn More

 jail and if l'm lucky l'll get all of
 you sent to jail. I just wonder
 though for he was recruited
 just b4 the wedding or from
 the beginning something tells
 me that it was from the
 beginning.. Karma so going to
 get you, and misery you
 caused and cause others will
 fall upon your life's and souls
 the child your bearing will
 carry your sins, the Hapiness
 you stole all for money or
 other things of this world
 you'll pay for with your souls.
 But my life long torture ends
 today no longer will any of you
 win, no longer will I fall for
 your mind games I'm going to
 fight back and win win win,
 you guys are something else
 all the proof I have when we
 go to court and I know that
 your not the only girl S
 aka P is involved but vou
 know what th lians say
 laugh now cry <er... You think
 You can't reply to this conversation. Learn More

 laugh now cry later... You think
 your going to get away but
 this isnt American soil this is
 Canadian land this is the
 queens country where we are
 guided by humans rights and
 truly governed by the UN. And
 the UN has no tolerance for
 Gangstalking! And tell A
 I'm not signing anything 'II
 see him behind bars I'm going
 to make sure all the evidence
 is displayed in divorce court
 too he can say 911 calls that l
 abused him little does he
 know I have recordings of the
 calls where vou can see him
 putting on this grandiose
 display of false crys all while
 smiling... I know I've been
 knew he was dirty A with
 the tiny tinky dick. The life
 insurance he pulled out in my
 name, this time I'm not going
 to let me be the sacrifice
 because I'm focused sober
 and mentally grounded no
 You can't reply to this conversation. Learn More

 to let me be the sacrifice
 because I'm focused sober
 and mentally grounded no
 longer are my thoughts
 emotional there logical and
 intellectual get ready for me to
 expose who and what you ppl
 really are with God has my
 leader and archangel Michael
 my protectors will conquer
 and destroy this evil
 psychopathic cult/USGovt
 extension although now with
 proof you exist and names
 photos recordings I don't think
 the govt of Canada will be to
 pleased that the US has beern
 running unsanctioned
 operations within their
 borders.and nowI think it's
 time for thevUSB to be
 released
 You lost your mind. Leave
 me alone
 You can't reply to this conversation. Learn More
This lady is convinced my fiancé is her husband in disguise. She thinks one of my friends is a bounty hunter from Texas sent by the Mexican cartel to steal her inheritance and ruin her relationship. (Idk if this belongs here, I didn't know where else to post this.)
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Being Alone, Cheating, and Crazy: And you guys have the nerve
 to call me a liar you had the
 nerve to try and act like my
 friend stand and see the
 sadness I was in friend me on
 Facebook, and then post
 pictures of my husband that
 you came from
 by God knows who to
 probably purposely interfere
 and feed him lies or you both
 were in on it together, COPS
 thats Who you both probably
 work for or you recruited him
 and he really did love me in
 the beginning your probably
 not even the real girl he was
 talking to l bet your whole
 identity fake, well l'm going to
 find out everything about you
 who you both are, and if it's
 the last thing I ever dol
 promise you that now l'm
 taking the private
 investigatorsrt on A
 and proof he, hired and
 sent
 You can't reply to this conversation. Learn More

 paid, to purposely inflict
 mental duress and trigger my
 PTSD I thought the was you
 on the nanny cam but see
 that's why A didn't get a
 dime, because he Was sloppy
 in the beginning And
 betweens, I knew he was
 cheating and using me and
 apart of publicly outing me
 after the wedding to create
 mental dehabilitation ive got
 all your names identities and
 pictures but atleastni figured
 it out before I was stupid
 enough to buy a car or pay a
 attorney it's you and him that
 hack my electronics vou were
 the one moving my stuff and
 hiding it when you were over
 here fucking him you both are
 perfect for each other
 psychopaths liars users and
 snakes but I promise you if l
 do it with my last breath I'm
 going to mak J 'e he goes to
 jail and if I'm лу I'll get all of
 You can't reply to this conversation. Learn More

 jail and if l'm lucky l'll get all of
 you sent to jail. I just wonder
 though for he was recruited
 just b4 the wedding or from
 the beginning something tells
 me that it was from the
 beginning.. Karma so going to
 get you, and misery you
 caused and cause others will
 fall upon your life's and souls
 the child your bearing will
 carry your sins, the Hapiness
 you stole all for money or
 other things of this world
 you'll pay for with your souls.
 But my life long torture ends
 today no longer will any of you
 win, no longer will I fall for
 your mind games I'm going to
 fight back and win win win,
 you guys are something else
 all the proof I have when we
 go to court and I know that
 your not the only girl S
 aka P is involved but vou
 know what th lians say
 laugh now cry <er... You think
 You can't reply to this conversation. Learn More

 laugh now cry later... You think
 your going to get away but
 this isnt American soil this is
 Canadian land this is the
 queens country where we are
 guided by humans rights and
 truly governed by the UN. And
 the UN has no tolerance for
 Gangstalking! And tell A
 I'm not signing anything 'II
 see him behind bars I'm going
 to make sure all the evidence
 is displayed in divorce court
 too he can say 911 calls that l
 abused him little does he
 know I have recordings of the
 calls where vou can see him
 putting on this grandiose
 display of false crys all while
 smiling... I know I've been
 knew he was dirty A with
 the tiny tinky dick. The life
 insurance he pulled out in my
 name, this time I'm not going
 to let me be the sacrifice
 because I'm focused sober
 and mentally grounded no
 You can't reply to this conversation. Learn More

 to let me be the sacrifice
 because I'm focused sober
 and mentally grounded no
 longer are my thoughts
 emotional there logical and
 intellectual get ready for me to
 expose who and what you ppl
 really are with God has my
 leader and archangel Michael
 my protectors will conquer
 and destroy this evil
 psychopathic cult/USGovt
 extension although now with
 proof you exist and names
 photos recordings I don't think
 the govt of Canada will be to
 pleased that the US has beern
 running unsanctioned
 operations within their
 borders.and nowI think it's
 time for thevUSB to be
 released
 You lost your mind. Leave
 me alone
 You can't reply to this conversation. Learn More
This lady is convinced my fiancé is her husband in disguise. She thinks one of my friends is a bounty hunter from Texas sent by the Mexican cartel to steal her inheritance and ruin her relationship. (Idk if this belongs here, I didn't know where else to post this.)
                
            

            
            
This lady is convinced my fiancé is her husband in disguise. She thinks one of my friends is a bounty hunter from Texas sent by the Mexican ...