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Best Friend, Chill, and Confused: fire-is-her-water: abracataako: merak-zoran: fire-is-her-water: My doggo, Ezri, who rarely barks and mostly borks. When I got her, she’d been abused and would cower and pee at almost everything, and had been mistreated when she’d barked, so she never would. One day months after I had her she got excited on a walk and borked at a bird, and then immediately cower-peed. I had to re-teach her to bark by gathering her whole human pack and having everyone bark and howl and feed her treats and pet her till she got excited enough to join in, and then got more treats. Took a while but I was able to teach her to bork on command (and she’s gotta be excited or she just stares at me like “Sorry, the bork system needs charging”) and she’ll do it happily when she’s excited to go for a walk or upon seeing a friend, and at birds. I love her croaky borking, especially when she started off terrified of making a joyful noise. What kind of dog is Ezri? I love her!! I… did not expect this post to blow up this much but I am delighted at all the tags and replies and Ezri has been told the internet thinks she’s a Very Good Dog. :D She’s a German spitz - in the same family as keeshonds and pomeranians. She might be crossed with something else as her freckled coat, non-pointy nose, and personality are not standard for her breed (they’re usually a lot more high energy and excitable - she’s super laid back and chill). She’s a bit less fluffy than breed-standard too, mostly because she’s grown out from her spring/summer trim (not usually necessary/good for her type of coat but she gets terribly itchy otherwise). It also makes her look like a puppy of a large breed: Ezri’s best friend is Murder Cat, who is a gentle friend to humans and Ezri, but does things to mice that would make Hannibal Lecter go “Isn’t that a bit much?” I got Murder Cat as a kitten, and she used to try to nurse on everything when she was small. Eventually, she settled on her favourite thing to nurse on, Ezri, who has never had puppies and a little confused at first but eventually went with it. She grew out of it, but they have stayed snuggly buddies ever since. New Years here is full of fireworks outside and Ezri gets Vry Scared. I usually set her up somewhere with a snuggly spot right by me, and Murder Cat comes and does this all night:  She goes everywhere with me in my bakfiets (cargo bike) and lets me warm my hands in her fur on cold days. And her ears disappear if I say her name to get her attention. ok so great thanks for coming to my TED talk about my dog, good night, drive safe
Best Friend, Chill, and Confused: fire-is-her-water:
abracataako:

merak-zoran:

fire-is-her-water:


My doggo, Ezri, who rarely barks and mostly borks.

When I got her, she’d been abused and would cower and pee at almost everything, and had been mistreated when she’d barked, so she never would. One day months after I had her she got excited on a walk and borked at a bird, and then immediately cower-peed. I had to re-teach her to bark by gathering her whole human pack and having everyone bark and howl and feed her treats and pet her till she got excited enough to join in, and then got more treats. Took a while but I was able to teach her to bork on command (and she’s gotta be excited or she just stares at me like “Sorry, the bork system needs charging”) and she’ll do it happily when she’s excited to go for a walk or upon seeing a friend, and at birds. I love her croaky borking, especially when she started off terrified of making a joyful noise.




What kind of dog is Ezri? I love her!!

I… did not expect this post to blow up this much but I am delighted at all the tags and replies and Ezri has been told the internet thinks she’s a Very Good Dog. :D
She’s a German spitz - in the same family as keeshonds and pomeranians. She might be crossed with something else as her freckled coat, non-pointy nose, and personality are not standard for her breed (they’re usually a lot more high energy and excitable - she’s super laid back and chill). She’s a bit less fluffy than breed-standard too, mostly because she’s grown out from her spring/summer trim (not usually necessary/good for her type of coat but she gets terribly itchy otherwise). It also makes her look like a puppy of a large breed:
Ezri’s best friend is Murder Cat, who is a gentle friend to humans and Ezri, but does things to mice that would make Hannibal Lecter go “Isn’t that a bit much?”
I got Murder Cat as a kitten, and she used to try to nurse on everything when she was small. Eventually, she settled on her favourite thing to nurse on, Ezri, who has never had puppies and a little confused at first but eventually went with it. She grew out of it, but they have stayed snuggly buddies ever since.
New Years here is full of fireworks outside and Ezri gets Vry Scared. I usually set her up somewhere with a snuggly spot right by me, and Murder Cat comes and does this all night: 
She goes everywhere with me in my bakfiets (cargo bike) and lets me warm my hands in her fur on cold days.
And her ears disappear if I say her name to get her attention.
ok so great thanks for coming to my TED talk about my dog, good night, drive safe

fire-is-her-water: abracataako: merak-zoran: fire-is-her-water: My doggo, Ezri, who rarely barks and mostly borks. When I got her, she’...

Being Alone, Apparently, and Disney: espite the security systems now installed inside all of Disneyland's attractions (and the monitors being watched by park employees hidden from view), couples will still try to have sex while on the "dark" rides such as Pirates of the Caribbean or It's a Small World], apparently not realizing that the cameras are infrared and can pick up their every move. On occasion they are stopped with a warning over the loudspeaker; other times, as they exit, they are met with applause from knowing cast members l think this is the most hilarious thing eutsticstevonnie the storybook font is what does it for me deemey Ok so I have a story. I worked Fantasyland (Dumbo) at Magic Kingdom. We had a girl transfer from Pirates of the Caribbean. And she told me the most amazing story So Pirates is down (shocking) And this particular boat is stopped at the first big scene, Where Barbosa is on the ship yelling for Jack Sparrow. Anyway the boat has been stopped for about 15 minutes at this point, and there's a couple sitting alone in the back. So the guy decides that nothing gets him in a better mood than the smell of water that hasn't been changed in roughly 50 years, and convinces his girlfriend to blow him. Now this girl is in the booth, along with the coordinator, watching this go down. Literally. There's not much they can do to stop it at this point, other than notify security. Then another problem arises. The guy finishes, and the girl makes the motion to spit. In. The. Fucking. Water Now if that load is released into the water, thats an automatic biohazard, and the ride is shut down for weeks. The water is removed, the ride path is scrubbed, along with the ride vehicles, and then new water is brought in. Costing the company thousands of dollara and pissed off tourists. The worst combination on this earth Panicking at this predicament, the coordinator grabs the mic in the control booth and says: "Spitting is for quitters." This echoes over the bitching of guests and 50 year old audio of pirates commiting various crimes. The look on this woman's face was priceless. She gazes up, as if Walt himself commanded her from the grave, and swallows. I'm told the ride started 5 minutes later and the couple ran out from the exit queue as fast as they could And this is why you dont fuck at Disney. Because cast members will call you out and it will be the highlight of our day Sex at Disneyland
Being Alone, Apparently, and Disney: espite the security
 systems now installed
 inside all of Disneyland's
 attractions (and the monitors being
 watched by park employees hidden
 from view), couples will still try to
 have sex while on the "dark" rides
 such as Pirates of the Caribbean
 or It's a Small World], apparently
 not realizing that the cameras
 are infrared and can pick up their
 every move. On occasion they are
 stopped with a warning over the
 loudspeaker; other times, as they
 exit, they are met with applause
 from knowing cast members
 l think this is the most hilarious thing
 eutsticstevonnie
 the storybook font is what does it for me
 deemey
 Ok so I have a story. I worked Fantasyland (Dumbo) at Magic Kingdom. We
 had a girl transfer from Pirates of the Caribbean. And she told me the most
 amazing story
 So Pirates is down (shocking) And this particular boat is stopped at the first
 big scene, Where Barbosa is on the ship yelling for Jack Sparrow.
 Anyway the boat has been stopped for about 15 minutes at this point, and
 there's a couple sitting alone in the back. So the guy decides that nothing
 gets him in a better mood than the smell of water that hasn't been changed
 in roughly 50 years, and convinces his girlfriend to blow him.
 Now this girl is in the booth, along with the coordinator, watching this go
 down. Literally. There's not much they can do to stop it at this point, other
 than notify security. Then another problem arises. The guy finishes, and the
 girl makes the motion to spit.
 In. The. Fucking. Water
 Now if that load is released into the water, thats an automatic biohazard, and
 the ride is shut down for weeks. The water is removed, the ride path is
 scrubbed, along with the ride vehicles, and then new water is brought in.
 Costing the company thousands of dollara and pissed off tourists. The worst
 combination on this earth
 Panicking at this predicament, the coordinator grabs the mic in the control
 booth and says:
 "Spitting is for quitters."
 This echoes over the bitching of guests and 50 year old audio of pirates
 commiting various crimes.
 The look on this woman's face was priceless. She gazes up, as if Walt
 himself commanded her from the grave, and swallows.
 I'm told the ride started 5 minutes later and the couple ran out from the exit
 queue as fast as they could
 And this is why you dont fuck at Disney. Because cast members will call you
 out and it will be the highlight of our day
Sex at Disneyland

Sex at Disneyland

Apparently, Butt, and College: Baby & Child Care Health Care Sports Ntition Personal Care w Health & Personal Care Household Supplies Vitamins & Diet Supplements Health&Household Sensal Weliness > Aduit Toys&Games Sex Toys Didos Liquid Silicone Dildo, Nabini Huge Black 12 Inch Thick Realistic Suction Cup Waterproof Dildo by NatansPc ☆☆☆☆☆-10 customer renews You Sav In Stoc Gt-wap 2 Colors Want it One Da Start AT&T LTE 12:47 PM Q Search This Thing Almost Killed My Grandmaa Ok. First off, THIS THING IS HUGE!!! I didn't realize it when ordering. But When every one left the house one dayI decided to give it the old college try. The suction cup works well, I had it stuck to my bedroom door. Ok, so when trying to use this it was really big and awkward. I was trying to back against it slowly letting my butt hole adjust to the massive width. I had my I-Pod Listening to "Eye of the Tiger" trying to get pumped for the whole thing. Well I didn't hear my grandmother come home early and apparently i was making some noise rocking back on this Mega-Dong mounted to the door, and singing along to The Theme Song to Rocky. Well my Grandma comes to investigate and jerks my door open, which snatched the toy out of my butt bringing my sphincter with it. My grandmother Freaks and Slams the Door which POWER DRIVES this thing Up my anus all the way to the base. I'm Screaming in pain, and My grand mother is yelling holding her chest. Next thing I know she collapses. So there I am with a Bleeding, Prolapsed Butt hole and my grandma on the floor. I'm in so much pain and am freaking out worrying that l've killed her. So I crawled over to her and pushed her life alert button to send the paramedics. one of which was a new guy and when I tried explaining the story he literally pissed on himself laughing Anyway they popped an ammonia capsule and brought my grandmother back. She seems ok but we haven't made eye contact for 2 weeks and my butt is a little worse for wear. And when I fart now, it sounds like a Peterbilt 379 releasing its air brakes Care ルDiet Write a comment.. Post
Apparently, Butt, and College: Baby & Child Care
 Health Care
 Sports Ntition
 Personal Care
 w
 Health & Personal Care
 Household Supplies
 Vitamins & Diet Supplements
 Health&Household Sensal Weliness > Aduit Toys&Games Sex Toys Didos
 Liquid Silicone Dildo, Nabini Huge Black 12 Inch Thick Realistic Suction Cup Waterproof Dildo by NatansPc
 ☆☆☆☆☆-10 customer renews
 You Sav
 In Stoc
 Gt-wap
 2 Colors
 Want it
 One Da
 Start

 AT&T LTE
 12:47 PM
 Q Search
 This Thing Almost Killed My Grandmaa
 Ok. First off, THIS THING IS HUGE!!! I didn't realize it when
 ordering. But When every one left the house one dayI
 decided to give it the old college try. The suction cup works
 well, I had it stuck to my bedroom door. Ok, so when trying
 to use this it was really big and awkward. I was trying to
 back against it slowly letting my butt hole adjust to the
 massive width. I had my I-Pod Listening to "Eye of the Tiger"
 trying to get pumped for the whole thing. Well I didn't hear
 my grandmother come home early and apparently i was
 making some noise rocking back on this Mega-Dong
 mounted to the door, and singing along to The Theme Song
 to Rocky. Well my Grandma comes to investigate and jerks
 my door open, which snatched the toy out of my butt
 bringing my sphincter with it. My grandmother Freaks and
 Slams the Door which POWER DRIVES this thing Up my
 anus all the way to the base. I'm Screaming in pain, and My
 grand mother is yelling holding her chest. Next thing I know
 she collapses. So there I am with a Bleeding, Prolapsed Butt
 hole and my grandma on the floor. I'm in so much pain and
 am freaking out worrying that l've killed her. So I crawled
 over to her and pushed her life alert button to send the
 paramedics. one of which was a new guy and when I tried
 explaining the story he literally pissed on himself laughing
 Anyway they popped an ammonia capsule and brought my
 grandmother back. She seems ok but we haven't made eye
 contact for 2 weeks and my butt is a little worse for wear.
 And when I fart now, it sounds like a Peterbilt 379 releasing
 its air brakes
 Care
 ルDiet
 Write a comment..
 Post
Being Alone, Apparently, and Disney: espite the security systems now installed inside all of Disneyland's attractions (and the monitors being watched by park employees hidden from view], couples will still try to have sex while on the "dark" rides (such as Pirates of the Caribbean or It's a Small World], apparently not realizing that the cameras are infrared and can pick up their every move. On occasion they are stopped with a warning over the loudspeaker; other times, as they exit, they are met with applause From knowing cast members. DISNEYLAND FACT fuckin-georg: deerney: autisticstevonnie: thatdisneyworldblog: I think this is the most hilarious thing the storybook font is what does it for me Ok so I have a story. I worked Fantasyland (Dumbo) at Magic Kingdom. We had a girl transfer from Pirates of the Caribbean. And she told me the most amazing story. So Pirates is down (shocking) And this particular boat is stopped at the first big scene, Where Barbosa is on the ship yelling for Jack Sparrow. Anyway the boat has been stopped for about 15 minutes at this point, and there’s a couple sitting alone in the back. So the guy decides that nothing gets him in a better mood than the smell of water that hasn’t been changed in roughly 50 years, and convinces his girlfriend to blow him. Now this girl is in the booth, along with the coordinator, watching this go down. Literally. There’s not much they can do to stop it at this point, other than notify security. Then another problem arises. The guy finishes, and the girl makes the motion to spit. In. The. Fucking. Water. Now if that load is released into the water, thats an automatic biohazard, and the ride is shut down for weeks. The water is removed, the ride path is scrubbed, along with the ride vehicles, and then new water is brought in. Costing the company thousands of dollara and pissed off tourists. The worst combination on this earth. Panicking at this predicament, the coordinator grabs the mic in the control booth and says: “Spitting is for quitters.” This echoes over the bitching of guests and 50 year old audio of pirates commiting various crimes. The look on this woman’s face was priceless. She gazes up, as if Walt himself commanded her from the grave, and swallows. I’m told the ride started 5 minutes later and the couple ran out from the exit queue as fast as they could. And this is why you dont fuck at Disney. Because cast members will call you out and it will be the highlight of our day. SPITTING IS FOR QUITTERS
Being Alone, Apparently, and Disney: espite the security
 systems now installed
 inside all of Disneyland's
 attractions (and the monitors being
 watched by park employees hidden
 from view], couples will still try to
 have sex while on the "dark" rides
 (such as Pirates of the Caribbean
 or It's a Small World], apparently
 not realizing that the cameras
 are infrared and can pick up their
 every move. On occasion they are
 stopped with a warning over the
 loudspeaker; other times, as they
 exit, they are met with applause
 From knowing cast members.
 DISNEYLAND
 FACT
fuckin-georg:
deerney:

autisticstevonnie:

thatdisneyworldblog:

I think this is the most hilarious thing


the storybook font is what does it for me


Ok so I have a story. I worked Fantasyland (Dumbo) at Magic Kingdom. We had a girl transfer from Pirates of the Caribbean. And she told me the most amazing story.
So Pirates is down (shocking) And this particular boat is stopped at the first big scene, Where Barbosa is on the ship yelling for Jack Sparrow.
Anyway the boat has been stopped for about 15 minutes at this point, and there’s a couple sitting alone in the back. So the guy decides that nothing gets him in a better mood than the smell of water that hasn’t been changed in roughly 50 years, and convinces his girlfriend to blow him. 
Now this girl is in the booth, along with the coordinator, watching this go down. Literally. There’s not much they can do to stop it at this point, other than notify security. Then another problem arises. The guy finishes, and the girl makes the motion to spit. 
In. The. Fucking. Water.
Now if that load is released into the water, thats an automatic biohazard, and the ride is shut down for weeks. The water is removed, the ride path is scrubbed, along with the ride vehicles, and then new water is brought in. Costing the company thousands of dollara and pissed off tourists. The worst combination on this earth.
Panicking at this predicament, the coordinator grabs the mic in the control booth and says:
“Spitting is for quitters.”
This echoes over the bitching of guests and 50 year old audio of pirates commiting various crimes. 
The look on this woman’s face was priceless. She gazes up, as if Walt himself commanded her from the grave, and swallows. 
I’m told the ride started 5 minutes later and the couple ran out from the exit queue as fast as they could.
And this is why you dont fuck at Disney. Because cast members will call you out and it will be the highlight of our day. 


SPITTING IS FOR QUITTERS

fuckin-georg: deerney: autisticstevonnie: thatdisneyworldblog: I think this is the most hilarious thing the storybook font is what does...

Anal Sex, Dating, and God: theyellowbrickroad Did I ever tell u guys about the time my ex legitimately thought he killed me with his dick??? theyellowbrickroad Ok so picture this l'm 18 and excited about sex, trying out some new positions. We are having sex in a pretty similar position to this And my pussy is so wet it might as well be a god damn Slip N Slide ok. And he's pounding at it fast and hard but slips out and goes to go right back in... But something is wrong. He's about to enter.... The. Wrong. Hole And my eyes widen, I go to shout "nooo0!!!!" But it's all happening too fast. He thrusts right into my unlubed asshole and I scream like murder and leap right up onto my feet. We had only been dating a couple of months at this time and there was something very important he did not know about me: I am a chronic fainter. If l'm in pain or if I see my own blood, I will pass the fuck out. I get real quiet and turn to him and say, "I am going to pass out." He doesn't know I'm serious, he thinks I'm just being emotional, and he's like "no baby come here" but as he finishes that sentence i faint and my head ping pongs off my metal bed frame, onto the wall and then finally my whole body falls on the ground. He has never seen anybody faint before and naturally assumes I'm dead. A couple minutes later I awaken to him sobbing into my naked chest. Like this motherfucker really thought he sent me to the grave with some accidental anal sex “He really thought he sent me to the grave”
Anal Sex, Dating, and God: theyellowbrickroad
 Did I ever tell u guys about the time my ex
 legitimately thought he killed me with his
 dick???
 theyellowbrickroad
 Ok so picture this l'm 18 and excited about sex,
 trying out some new positions. We are having
 sex in a pretty similar position to this
 And my pussy is so wet it might as well be a
 god damn Slip N Slide ok. And he's pounding at
 it fast and hard but slips out and goes to go
 right back in... But something is wrong. He's
 about to enter....
 The. Wrong. Hole
 And my eyes widen, I go to shout "nooo0!!!!"
 But it's all happening too fast. He thrusts right
 into my unlubed asshole and I scream like
 murder and leap right up onto my feet.
 We had only been dating a couple of months at
 this time and there was something very
 important he did not know about me: I am a
 chronic fainter. If l'm in pain or if I see my own
 blood, I will pass the fuck out. I get real quiet
 and turn to him and say, "I am going to pass
 out."
 He doesn't know I'm serious, he thinks I'm just
 being emotional, and he's like "no baby come
 here" but as he finishes that sentence i faint
 and my head ping pongs off my metal bed
 frame, onto the wall and then finally my whole
 body falls on the ground.
 He has never seen anybody faint before and
 naturally assumes I'm dead. A couple minutes
 later I awaken to him sobbing into my naked
 chest. Like this motherfucker really thought he
 sent me to the grave with some accidental anal
 sex
“He really thought he sent me to the grave”

“He really thought he sent me to the grave”