pantsed


                    
                    
                

                

                

            

        
    







            

            
            

                

                    
                

                

                    

                        


	

	
    

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    pantsed: Mochi being a good pup for the vet
So yesterday I hit tennis balls with the big homie and it's like high 87 degrees hot af so we get four games in and take shirts off. We take a quick water break and he turn around for a sec and low key? Homeboy got the above-butt dimples. SOME MEN HAVE ABOVE-BUTT DIMPLES? I AIN'T EEN REMOTELY GAY, BUT STILL...INTERESTING! I WAS STARTLED πŸ˜‚. Like how u gon just slap one of the sexiest little features a woman can have...on a random ass dude? Like could u imagine if 0.0001% of men just randomly had titties? Not like obese dudes at the pool with titties I done seen that I mean like a regular dude with a set of clean, crisp, hairless, bounteous, glistening titties. Shit would be wild! Like u would bring a dude named Bill in for a interview and Sally the head of HR just gon be like "Bill Johnson is coming in at 1 pm, remind your team please BILL IS SPECIAL." And everyone know what that mean. And Bill walk in wearing brooks brothers suit pants and wing tip shoes and brooks brothers jacket but instead of a white dress shirt and tie he just wearing a Nike sports running bra because DUH that's what men do why u think we wear basketball shorts iss to put our shit on display πŸ€—. And Bill in the interview just like "yeah after we got acquired by a private equity firm the culture changed and I wish them well but I'm looking to bring my clients here. Hey let's address the elephant in the room, I have boobs lol. They're fucking nice, too. Wanna suck on em? 😎" Now a group of grown men sucking Bill's titties. They ain't even touching PPs it ain't een gay like that they just taking turns respectfully doing a lil suckysuck. Just a lil bit! U feel me? But nah. Men don't have real titties. But apparently a select few of them got above-butt dimples. Interesting!!! β˜ΊοΈπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ (πŸ“·: Reddit u-luckytattoos)
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                pantsed: Mochi being a good pup for the vet
So yesterday I hit tennis balls with the big homie and it's like high 87 degrees hot af so we get four games in and take shirts off. We take a quick water break and he turn around for a sec and low key? Homeboy got the above-butt dimples. SOME MEN HAVE ABOVE-BUTT DIMPLES? I AIN'T EEN REMOTELY GAY, BUT STILL...INTERESTING! I WAS STARTLED πŸ˜‚. Like how u gon just slap one of the sexiest little features a woman can have...on a random ass dude? Like could u imagine if 0.0001% of men just randomly had titties? Not like obese dudes at the pool with titties I done seen that I mean like a regular dude with a set of clean, crisp, hairless, bounteous, glistening titties. Shit would be wild! Like u would bring a dude named Bill in for a interview and Sally the head of HR just gon be like "Bill Johnson is coming in at 1 pm, remind your team please BILL IS SPECIAL." And everyone know what that mean. And Bill walk in wearing brooks brothers suit pants and wing tip shoes and brooks brothers jacket but instead of a white dress shirt and tie he just wearing a Nike sports running bra because DUH that's what men do why u think we wear basketball shorts iss to put our shit on display πŸ€—. And Bill in the interview just like "yeah after we got acquired by a private equity firm the culture changed and I wish them well but I'm looking to bring my clients here. Hey let's address the elephant in the room, I have boobs lol. They're fucking nice, too. Wanna suck on em? 😎" Now a group of grown men sucking Bill's titties. They ain't even touching PPs it ain't een gay like that they just taking turns respectfully doing a lil suckysuck. Just a lil bit! U feel me? But nah. Men don't have real titties. But apparently a select few of them got above-butt dimples. Interesting!!! β˜ΊοΈπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ (πŸ“·: Reddit u-luckytattoos)
                
            

            
            
So yesterday I hit tennis balls with the big homie and it's like high 87 degrees hot af so we get four games in and take shirts off. We t...

            
            
        

    



        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            







    pantsed: Saying "hey" from the NYC subway
 Yoric's best
Woke up to a new Lil Uzi album and it's cot damn lit ... Idgaf ... this kid is a rock star and his music is stadium status and give me Kanye "Touch the Sky" feels. But what I love is all the old head haters. U know wtf I'm talmbout. Them cats that think Jay and Nas were the last good rappers. "Man look at these new kids smh...mumble rappers" "rocking tight pants and dresses" "how they letting these guys wear chokers" "how they letting these guys dye their hair pink and blond" "popping pills smh they letting junkies rap now". OK. LET ME GET THIS CLEAR, OLD HEAD. YALL GOT A BUNCH OF WOMEN PREGNANT IN THE 90s AND THEN GHOSTED - DISAPPEARED - WENT TO THE CORNER STORE AND NEVER CAME BACK - NOW THEM KIDS GREW UP AND EMBRACED FASHION AND CREATED THEY OWN GENDER FLUID STYLE BECAUSE THEY MALE ROLE MODELS WAS ABSENT AND NOW U WANNA CRITICIZE...EVEN THO THESE KIDS ON STAGES IN FRONT OF SOLD OUT CROWDS PUTTING IT DOWN FOR THEY FAMILY...LEMME TELL U WHAT U NEED TO DO, OLD HEAD...U NEED TO GO TO THE SPORTING GOODS STORE ASAP AND BUY TWO BASEBALL MITTS AND A BASEBALL AND FIND THAT BOY U ABANDONED AND PLAY SOME CATCH...MATTER FACT ASK THE POSTAL SERVICE FOR A FULL WEEK OFF, U GON NEED A LOT OF TIME FOR THIS GAME OF CATCH (AND 'CATCH UP') AND MAYBE U COULD PLAY HIM SOME NAS AND JAY RECORDS AND DISCUSS MUSIC WITH HIM BUT FOR NOW STFU AND STOP CRITICIZING, THE ART REFLECT THE CULTURE AND U CREATED IT NOW DON'T BE MAD AT IT (but you're welcome to fix your mistakes bless up πŸ€—πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚) (@madmax_fluffyroad)
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                pantsed: Saying "hey" from the NYC subway
 Yoric's best
Woke up to a new Lil Uzi album and it's cot damn lit ... Idgaf ... this kid is a rock star and his music is stadium status and give me Kanye "Touch the Sky" feels. But what I love is all the old head haters. U know wtf I'm talmbout. Them cats that think Jay and Nas were the last good rappers. "Man look at these new kids smh...mumble rappers" "rocking tight pants and dresses" "how they letting these guys wear chokers" "how they letting these guys dye their hair pink and blond" "popping pills smh they letting junkies rap now". OK. LET ME GET THIS CLEAR, OLD HEAD. YALL GOT A BUNCH OF WOMEN PREGNANT IN THE 90s AND THEN GHOSTED - DISAPPEARED - WENT TO THE CORNER STORE AND NEVER CAME BACK - NOW THEM KIDS GREW UP AND EMBRACED FASHION AND CREATED THEY OWN GENDER FLUID STYLE BECAUSE THEY MALE ROLE MODELS WAS ABSENT AND NOW U WANNA CRITICIZE...EVEN THO THESE KIDS ON STAGES IN FRONT OF SOLD OUT CROWDS PUTTING IT DOWN FOR THEY FAMILY...LEMME TELL U WHAT U NEED TO DO, OLD HEAD...U NEED TO GO TO THE SPORTING GOODS STORE ASAP AND BUY TWO BASEBALL MITTS AND A BASEBALL AND FIND THAT BOY U ABANDONED AND PLAY SOME CATCH...MATTER FACT ASK THE POSTAL SERVICE FOR A FULL WEEK OFF, U GON NEED A LOT OF TIME FOR THIS GAME OF CATCH (AND 'CATCH UP') AND MAYBE U COULD PLAY HIM SOME NAS AND JAY RECORDS AND DISCUSS MUSIC WITH HIM BUT FOR NOW STFU AND STOP CRITICIZING, THE ART REFLECT THE CULTURE AND U CREATED IT NOW DON'T BE MAD AT IT (but you're welcome to fix your mistakes bless up πŸ€—πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚) (@madmax_fluffyroad)
                
            

            
            
Woke up to a new Lil Uzi album and it's cot damn lit ... Idgaf ... this kid is a rock star and his music is stadium status and give me Ka...

            
            
        

    



        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            







    pantsed: Puppy eyes
Life update: remember the caption I wrote about bending down and busting the ass seam out of my suit pants? Well I sewed them up myself (as I wrote back then) with light grey thread but the suit was dark grey. To me the shit look fine. Like the stitching was on point low key I was proud of myself lol. But lo and behold yesterday I get an email from my homie who is head of facilities at the firm: "smash, it has come to my attention that you may not be aware that there is a large tear in the seat of your pants." OK. So lemme be clear. Yes the stitching down my ass crack is contrasting. However it is not a large tear. In fact the tear has been repaired. THE LARGER ISSUE AT HAND IS WHY THE SECRETARIES HAD TO GANG UP AND APPROACH THE HEAD OF FACILITIES TO SEND THIS EMAIL. WHY YALL LOOKING AT SMASH'S BUTT CHEEKS IN THE FIRST PLACE, THIS THE REAL QUESTION. I CAME TO THIS FIRM READY TO PROVE MYSELF. I DONE PULLED THE MULTIPLE ALL NIGHTERS. I DONE WORKED IN SEVERAL OF OUR OFFICES GLOBALLY. DONE MISSED EVERY PERSONAL ENGAGEMENT IMAGINABLE TO GET DEALS DONE. AND AFTER ALL THIS, I'M JUST A SEXY PIECE OF HALAL ASS-MEAT FOR THE SECRETARIES TO GIGGLE AT. OK. SO THIS IS WHERE THINGS STAND. JUST EYE CANDY FOR YALL. WELL SAY NO MORE. TOMORROW IMMA WEAR HIJAB. AND A TRENCH COAT. "Have you seen smash today in a erykah badu head wrap? Did he lose his mind??" NAH BUT APPARENTLY YALL CAN'T STOP STARING SO I HAD TO CUT OFF THE SUPPLY. FIND ANOTHER PAIR OF BOUNTEOUS ASS CHEEKS TO OGLE THIS ONE IS OVER ISS CANCELED BLESS UP πŸ˜’πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ (πŸ“Έ: Reddit u-cantthinkofanamern)
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                pantsed: Puppy eyes
Life update: remember the caption I wrote about bending down and busting the ass seam out of my suit pants? Well I sewed them up myself (as I wrote back then) with light grey thread but the suit was dark grey. To me the shit look fine. Like the stitching was on point low key I was proud of myself lol. But lo and behold yesterday I get an email from my homie who is head of facilities at the firm: "smash, it has come to my attention that you may not be aware that there is a large tear in the seat of your pants." OK. So lemme be clear. Yes the stitching down my ass crack is contrasting. However it is not a large tear. In fact the tear has been repaired. THE LARGER ISSUE AT HAND IS WHY THE SECRETARIES HAD TO GANG UP AND APPROACH THE HEAD OF FACILITIES TO SEND THIS EMAIL. WHY YALL LOOKING AT SMASH'S BUTT CHEEKS IN THE FIRST PLACE, THIS THE REAL QUESTION. I CAME TO THIS FIRM READY TO PROVE MYSELF. I DONE PULLED THE MULTIPLE ALL NIGHTERS. I DONE WORKED IN SEVERAL OF OUR OFFICES GLOBALLY. DONE MISSED EVERY PERSONAL ENGAGEMENT IMAGINABLE TO GET DEALS DONE. AND AFTER ALL THIS, I'M JUST A SEXY PIECE OF HALAL ASS-MEAT FOR THE SECRETARIES TO GIGGLE AT. OK. SO THIS IS WHERE THINGS STAND. JUST EYE CANDY FOR YALL. WELL SAY NO MORE. TOMORROW IMMA WEAR HIJAB. AND A TRENCH COAT. "Have you seen smash today in a erykah badu head wrap? Did he lose his mind??" NAH BUT APPARENTLY YALL CAN'T STOP STARING SO I HAD TO CUT OFF THE SUPPLY. FIND ANOTHER PAIR OF BOUNTEOUS ASS CHEEKS TO OGLE THIS ONE IS OVER ISS CANCELED BLESS UP πŸ˜’πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ (πŸ“Έ: Reddit u-cantthinkofanamern)
                
            

            
            
Life update: remember the caption I wrote about bending down and busting the ass seam out of my suit pants? Well I sewed them up myself (...