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paralysis: twentyratsinatrenchcoat: waywardmasquerade: jabletown: manicpixiedreamalien: did-you-kno: Scottish sculptor Rob Mulholland creates creepy mirrored sculptures out of acrylic glass that makes them blend into their surroundings until your perspective shifts and they suddenly catch your eye. Source Source 2 imagine getting lost in the woods and coming across these on a scale of 1-10 how ready for death would you be i didn’t know chaotic evil looked like someone’s dad from north dakota Some one needs to stat these mirror beings ASAP Mirrorfolk Medium construct, lawful evil AC: 15 HP: 100 (8d10+20) Speed: 30ft STR: 14 (+2) WIS: 16 (+3) CON: 10 (+0) INT: 16 (+3) DEX: 18 (+4) CHA: 20 (+5) Skills: Perception (+5), Deception (+9) Senses: Truesight, low-light vision, passive perception 13 Languages: Common Challenge: 5 (1,800 XP) Immunities: Mind-affecting spells, poison, sleep effects, paralysis, stunning, disease, death effects, and necromancy effects Proficiencies: No armor; simple weapons Natural Camoflauge: A mirrorfolk can blend in easily to any environment by reflecting the world around them. In order to notice a mirrorfolk using it’s camoflauge, players must pass a check with a DC 18. Reflection: Three times a day, a mirrorfolk may reflect a spell cast at it by passing a dexterity check (DC 16). This acts as though the mirrorfolk had cast the spell with the original caster as the target, or as though it had been directly reflected from a mirror (ex. A fireball caught by a mirrorfolk directly reflects the cone of effect). The Eye of the Beholder: A mirrorfolk may cast Charm Person, Hypnotic Pattern, Suggestion, Crown of Madness, or Enemies Abound up to four time per day at their base level. The four times are total, not for each spell. It may cast Minor Illusion or Prestidigitation at will. However, any illusion created by these spells (including Hypnotic Pattern) uses its own surfaces. The Scott’s Pet: Mirrorfolk act as guards to a human mage named Mulholland the Sculptor. Their primary goal of creation is to divert attention from Mulholland, and do so either through illusion or through turning party members against each other. They will also act as living shields if need be. However, mirrorfolk are considered awaken constructs, and their loyalty comes strictly from Mulholland’s kindness towards them.
paralysis: twentyratsinatrenchcoat:
waywardmasquerade:


jabletown:

manicpixiedreamalien:

did-you-kno:

Scottish sculptor Rob Mulholland 
creates creepy mirrored sculptures 
out of acrylic glass that makes 
them blend into their surroundings 
until your perspective shifts and 
they suddenly catch your eye.  Source Source 2

imagine getting lost in the woods and coming across these
on a scale of 1-10 how ready for death would you be

i didn’t know chaotic evil looked like someone’s dad from north dakota

Some one needs to stat these mirror beings ASAP



Mirrorfolk
Medium construct, lawful evil
AC: 15
HP: 100 (8d10+20)
Speed: 30ft
STR: 14 (+2)                  WIS: 16 (+3)
CON: 10 (+0)                  INT: 16 (+3)
DEX: 18 (+4)                CHA: 20 (+5)
Skills: Perception (+5), Deception (+9)
Senses: Truesight, low-light vision, passive perception 13
Languages: Common
Challenge: 5 (1,800 XP)
Immunities: Mind-affecting spells, poison, sleep effects, paralysis, stunning, disease, death effects, and necromancy effects
Proficiencies: No armor; simple weapons
Natural Camoflauge: A mirrorfolk can blend in easily to any environment by reflecting the world around them. In order to notice a mirrorfolk using it’s camoflauge, players must pass a check with a DC 18.
Reflection: Three times a day, a mirrorfolk may reflect a spell cast at it by passing a dexterity check (DC 16). This acts as though the mirrorfolk had cast the spell with the original caster as the target, or as though it had been directly reflected from a mirror (ex. A fireball caught by a mirrorfolk directly reflects the cone of effect).
The Eye of the Beholder: A mirrorfolk may cast Charm Person, Hypnotic Pattern, Suggestion, Crown of Madness, or Enemies Abound up to four time per day at their base level. The four times are total, not for each spell. It may cast Minor Illusion or Prestidigitation at will. However, any illusion created by these spells (including Hypnotic Pattern) uses its own surfaces.
The Scott’s Pet: Mirrorfolk act as guards to a human mage named Mulholland the Sculptor. Their primary goal of creation is to divert attention from Mulholland, and do so either through illusion or through turning party members against each other. They will also act as living shields if need be. However, mirrorfolk are considered awaken constructs, and their loyalty comes strictly from Mulholland’s kindness towards them.

twentyratsinatrenchcoat: waywardmasquerade: jabletown: manicpixiedreamalien: did-you-kno: Scottish sculptor Rob Mulholland creates...

paralysis: lampfaced: roguesareth: emeraldspiral: roguesareth: Do you want rabies? This is how you get rabies Is it really that big of a deal if your dog has autism? I need to reblog this again because no seriously R A B I E S: -is basically not treatable once you start showing symptoms. Straight up you will die and not in any kind of fun way. We’re talking flu symptoms that develop into hallucinations, severe hydrophobia, partial paralysis and a slew of other shit. -99% of rabies cases in the world come from stray dog bites. EXCEPT IN THE US. Rabies vaccines have nearly illuminated the threat from dogs. Our biggest concerns are wild animals like raccoons, skunks, foxes and coyotes and feral cats. -Rabies is extremely preventable by vaccines and nearly nonexistent in countries where the vaccine is widely available and taken advantage of. -B U T if people stop VACCINATING THEIR DOGS (and other animals that are susceptible like cats and farm animals like cows, horses and goats) we will likely see a rise in rabies cases among free roaming animals and BECAUSE we dont experience many cases (because of vaccines) and often people arent informed. We know “rabies is bad” but that seems to be it in a lot of cases, I’d wager a lot of people dont knownits transferable from animals to humans at all. -Most rabies cases in humans are children under 15. V A C C I N A T E Y O U R A N I M A L S -brought to you by me, who just did a research project on rabies for one of my MA classes I’m a vet tech, and the way that we try to convince people into vaccinating their pets at our clinic against rabies is telling them that it’s a federally mandated vaccine, and what happens should their animal bite someone if they have no current rabies vaccine on record. Basically, if your not-protected-against-rabies pet bites someone, regardless of if they’ve ever possibly been exposed or not, the animal needs to be tested. How do you test an animal for rabies? You look at extremely thin slices of brain tissue. And the only way to get that brain tissue is to euthanize and decapitate the animal, and send the entire head to the state lab where they can process it. Doesn’t matter why the bite happened, or how bad it was, or if the animal is completely healthy and doesn’t have rabies. If skin was broken, it has to be reported, and the animal’s fate is out of your hands.  Rabies is goddamn scary.
paralysis: lampfaced:
roguesareth:

emeraldspiral:

roguesareth:
Do you want rabies? This is how you get rabies
Is it really that big of a deal if your dog has autism? 

I need to reblog this again because no seriously R A B I E S:
-is basically not treatable once you start showing symptoms.  Straight up you will die and not in any kind of fun way. We’re talking flu symptoms that develop into hallucinations, severe hydrophobia, partial paralysis and a slew of other shit.
-99% of rabies cases in the world come from stray dog bites. EXCEPT IN THE US. Rabies vaccines have nearly illuminated the threat from dogs. Our biggest concerns are wild animals like raccoons, skunks, foxes and coyotes and feral cats.
-Rabies is extremely preventable by vaccines and nearly nonexistent in countries where the vaccine is widely available and taken advantage of. 
-B U T if people stop VACCINATING THEIR DOGS (and other animals that are susceptible like cats and farm animals like cows, horses and goats) we will likely see a rise in rabies cases among free roaming animals and BECAUSE we dont experience many cases (because of vaccines) and often people arent informed. We know “rabies is bad” but that seems to be it in a lot of cases, I’d wager a lot of people dont knownits transferable from animals to humans at all. 
-Most rabies cases in humans are children under 15. 
V A C C I N A T E   Y O U R   A N I M A L S 
-brought to you by me, who just did a research project on rabies for one of my MA classes 

I’m a vet tech, and the way that we try to convince people into vaccinating their pets at our clinic against rabies is telling them that it’s a federally mandated vaccine, and what happens should their animal bite someone if they have no current rabies vaccine on record.
Basically, if your not-protected-against-rabies pet bites someone, regardless of if they’ve ever possibly been exposed or not, the animal needs to be tested. How do you test an animal for rabies? You look at extremely thin slices of brain tissue. And the only way to get that brain tissue is to euthanize and decapitate the animal, and send the entire head to the state lab where they can process it. Doesn’t matter why the bite happened, or how bad it was, or if the animal is completely healthy and doesn’t have rabies. If skin was broken, it has to be reported, and the animal’s fate is out of your hands. 
Rabies is goddamn scary.

lampfaced: roguesareth: emeraldspiral: roguesareth: Do you want rabies? This is how you get rabies Is it really that big of a deal if y...

paralysis: Invest in sleep paralysis demon, or you know…. he’ll do his thing via /r/MemeEconomy https://ift.tt/2Gzciva
paralysis: Invest in sleep paralysis demon, or you know…. he’ll do his thing via /r/MemeEconomy https://ift.tt/2Gzciva

Invest in sleep paralysis demon, or you know…. he’ll do his thing via /r/MemeEconomy https://ift.tt/2Gzciva

paralysis: derryderrydown: thecringeandwincefactory: meowren: malchay: So, I looked in the comments, expecting to see discourse or historical background etc, but I found none. Therefore, I decided to learn more and add background. Apparently this machine was used because of polio because polio paralyzes your lungs. According to the wiki article on this bad boy, patients would spend two weeks in there sometimes. They still have these machines, though much, much more modern but they’re barely used at all anymore: “In 1959, there were 1,200 people using tank respirators in the United States, but by 2004 there were only 39. By 2014, there were only 10 people left with an iron lung.” (x) I’ve read about one man who still lives in an iron lung. He taught himself how to breathe again by gulping down air, but it’s quite laborious because of the paralysis. His name is Paul Alexander, and he’s a lawyer. He’s 71 years old and has spent 65 years in an iron lung. Wild, right? He’s been working on a memoir that he was inspired to write by the recent resurgence of cases of polio caused by anti-vaccers. Source: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cbc.ca/amp/1.4414081 (can’t hyperlink because I’m on mobile, apologies) It’s amazing to me to recognize that we only defeated polio in this past century - that my mother’s father had it (he got lucky, it only deformed his feet and thereby kept him out of a couple wars); my mother got the big vaccination that left her upper arm scarred; and by the time I was vaccinated, polio basically didn’t exist. My grandfather must have been born like around 1900, so - in the space of less than 75 years, this was no longer something that parents dreaded the possibility of every summer. In the 1950s, my mother would go to the corner shop. The owners had a daughter a few years older than my mum. She lived in an iron lung in the back of the shop.Vaccinate your fucking kids.
paralysis: derryderrydown:
thecringeandwincefactory:

meowren:

malchay:

So, I looked in the comments, expecting to see discourse or historical background etc, but I found none. Therefore, I decided to learn more and add background. Apparently this machine was used because of polio because polio paralyzes your lungs. According to the wiki article on this bad boy, patients would spend two weeks in there sometimes. They still have these machines, though much, much more modern but they’re barely used at all anymore: “In 1959, there were 1,200 people using tank respirators in the United States, but by 2004 there were only 39. By 2014, there were only 10 people left with an iron lung.” (x)

I’ve read about one man who still lives in an iron lung. He taught himself how to breathe again by gulping down air, but it’s quite laborious because of the paralysis. His name is Paul Alexander, and he’s a lawyer. He’s 71 years old and has spent 65 years in an iron lung. Wild, right? He’s been working on a memoir that he was inspired to write by the recent resurgence of cases of polio caused by anti-vaccers.
Source: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cbc.ca/amp/1.4414081 (can’t hyperlink because I’m on mobile, apologies)

It’s amazing to me to recognize that we only defeated polio in this past century - that my mother’s father had it (he got lucky, it only deformed his feet and thereby kept him out of a couple wars); my mother got the big vaccination that left her upper arm scarred; and by the time I was vaccinated, polio basically didn’t exist. My grandfather must have been born like around 1900, so - in the space of less than 75 years, this was no longer something that parents dreaded the possibility of every summer.

In the 1950s, my mother would go to the corner shop. The owners had a daughter a few years older than my mum. She lived in an iron lung in the back of the shop.Vaccinate your fucking kids.

derryderrydown: thecringeandwincefactory: meowren: malchay: So, I looked in the comments, expecting to see discourse or historical bac...

paralysis: Wholesome sleep paralysis demon.
paralysis: Wholesome sleep paralysis demon.

Wholesome sleep paralysis demon.

paralysis: Wholesome sleep paralysis demon.
paralysis: Wholesome sleep paralysis demon.

Wholesome sleep paralysis demon.

paralysis: Sleep Paralysis Demon…
paralysis: Sleep Paralysis Demon…

Sleep Paralysis Demon…

paralysis: lindsaychrist: me and my sleep paralysis demon 
paralysis: lindsaychrist:

me and my sleep paralysis demon 

lindsaychrist: me and my sleep paralysis demon 

paralysis: 20 19-02- O: 19: 20 IS-0 -29 05:50: 4 coolberniebernie: goldjack: omghotmemes: “So this is why I was getting sleep paralysis every night…” Amen uh
paralysis: 20 19-02-
 O: 19:
 20 IS-0 -29 05:50: 4
coolberniebernie:
goldjack:

omghotmemes:

“So this is why I was getting sleep paralysis every night…”

Amen

uh

coolberniebernie: goldjack: omghotmemes: “So this is why I was getting sleep paralysis every night…” Amen uh

paralysis: i-should-be-writing-rn: inlovewithaleheather: thecuckoohaslanded: gerbthenerd: alexander-lamington: thelizardprincess: biglawbear: blacksirencry: swaglexander-the-great: #That’s a#That’s a blue ringed octopus#You’re going to die do you realise that#It is literally one of the most deadly animals in the world#Not just in Australia or just in the ocean in THE WORLD#Put it DOWN#And go to a hospital jfc via platonic-rabbit  me tryna find out if this fool died “The blue-ringed octopus, despite its small size, carries enough venom to kill twenty-six adult humans within minutes. Their bites are tiny and often painless, with many victims not realizing they have been envenomated until respiratory depression and paralysis start to set in.[8] No blue-ringed octopus antivenom is available yet, making it one of the deadliest reef inhabitants in the ocean.” Holy shit And this is why I don’t go in the ocean anymore Also the blue rings literally only show up when it is distressed so this person has angered it!!! You are in danger friend!!! Actually this guy keeps them as pets they’re on his instagram (william_exotique) and he frequently holds then and I just? Don’t know why? And also every picture or video he posts of them shows the blue rings so they’re always in distress I just do not understand why he’s doing this #AMY EXPLAIN HOW DUMB THIS GUY IS  I mean OP pretty much covered it.  A blue ringed octopus is almost on the level of CONE SNAIL on the list of things you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT PICK UP UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. But ask and you shall receive,  On this episode of “Fun Facts With Cuckoo,” DEAD.  YOU’RE DEAD.  EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND YOU SHOULD NEVER TOUCH ANYTHING IN THE OCEAN EVER AGAIN. There are many things that will kill you. [citation needed] There are fewer, but still many things that will kill you FAST. There are yet fewer things that kill you fast and by such an overwhelming margin of overkill that nervous laughter is our only solace in the dark of this terrible, surprisingly Lovecraftian world of unearthly horrors that we live in. Of the things that I know about which will kill you fast via just plain insultingly potent venom, which is a not insignificant number of things because I know a not insignificant number of things, there are about 3 things in the ocean – IN THE WHOLE OCEAN – which are so insanely, mind-bogglingly deadly that there is pretty much no possible hope for survival (I mean you CAN, but god help you if you’re ever in that situation, because god’s just about damn near the only thing that CAN help you).  THE. WHOLE. OCEAN. Those three things are the Irukandji (a tiny (1cm) species of box jellyfish, which has stingers not only on its tentacles but on its BELL, for reasons no one has definitively figured out, and is so toxic despite its size its sting can cause a severe brain hemorrhage), the cone snail (a group of carnivorous sea snails that is accepted to be the most venomous animals on earth, with a STUPIDLY fast acting and extremely powerful neurotoxin that has in at least one case killed a human ALMOST INSTANTANEOUSLY, because the swimmer who found two beautiful shells (unfortunately cone snails tend to have very pretty shells which makes people want to pick them up) was holding them up for a picture and ended up being stabbed in the neck by not one but TWO cone snails at the same time, and it is believed that she was literally dead before she hit the ground, I mean LITERALLY in a 100% non-fictional and non-exaggerated way, in between the time the two cone snails stabbed her and the time her limp body hit the sand, she was not alive anymore), and the blue ringed octopus. It is POSSIBLE to survive any of these.  But not without immediate medical attention.  Of these three, the Irukandji is by far the most treatable, because Australia and other coastal regions (including Florida and other parts of the US) are kind of experienced in dealing with box jellyfish. The blue ringed octopus will fucking kill you.  There’s no antidote for their venom, ONE COMPONENT OF WHICH (tetrodotoxin) is 1200 times deadlier than cyanide.  It’s a powerful neurotoxin (most of the worst venoms are because the species that produce them need to kill or at least paralyze their prey quickly, like jellyfish whose fragile tentacles could be damaged if their food doesn’t stop struggling) that attacks the sodium channels and causes muscle paralysis.  It doesn’t necessarily kill you quickly.  It PARALYZES you quickly, so that you can’t really call for help or describe the problem, and you will probably end up slowly suffocating from a paralyzed diaphragm.  Tetrodotoxin can be metabolized by the body in a matter of hours, but it can also kill you in a matter of minutes if you get a lethal dose (which isn’t much, the LD50 or median lethal dose, the dose at which you have a 50% chance of survival, is only 8 MICROGRAMS per kilogram of body weight (as tested in mice)).  This is, by venom standards, not a large amount, which means the animal that is capable of putting this venom inside your body is very very good at killing the absolute shit out of you. DON’T TOUCH THE BLUE RINGED OCTOPUS. Now, because overkill is my motto, let me briefly explain why Conus geographus is the undisputed champion of YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE, AND FURTHERMORE FUCK YOU FOR THINKING OTHERWISE. A cone snail walks into a bar.  You’d expect the bartender to ask, “what’s your poison,” but they were paralyzed before they could ask and OH LOOK they’re already FUCKING DEAD ON THE GROUND. Conus geographus is about 4-6 inches long and nature’s equivalent of Avada Kedavra.  Cone snails literally have their own KIND of toxins named after them: conotoxin.  Not only is there no antidote, but their venom AGGRESSIVELY RESISTS our ability to find a cure, because we barely understand how it works AND conotoxins are so internally varied, even within a single species, that any one antidote isn’t going to help because they’re constantly mutating and evolving their venom to prevent their prey from evolving a resistance to it.  Plus their venom is like, a bunch of different venoms all at once JUST IN CASE any one of them wasn’t good enough. I want you to read these two sentences from the wiki page on conotoxin: “Conotoxins have a variety of mechanisms of actions, most of which have not been determined.” “The LD50 of conotoxin is 50 ng/kg.” Remember how the LD50 of tetrodotoxin is 8μg/kg?  Conotoxin is 160 times more potent.  FIFTY NANOGRAMS PER KILOGRAM HAS A 50% CHANCE OF KILLING YOU. A 220-POUND HUMAN HAS A 50% CHANCE OF SURVIVAL AGAINST JUST 5 MICROGRAMS OF CONOTOXIN.   I DID SOME MATH.   IT WOULD TAKE 7-9 MILLIGRAMS OF CONOTOXIN TO KILL A BLUE WHALE, THE HEAVIEST ANIMAL TO EVER LIVE. (based on weight estimates from 300-400,000 lbs.) Conus geographus is so fucking deadly that “In two cases of envenomation, only 0.0002-0.0005 mg resulted in severe paralysis.” THIS THING KILLS STUFF SO HARD THAT BEFORE YOU HEAR THE FIRST “MORTAL KOMBAT” IN THE MORTAL KOMBAT THEME, THERE’S PROBABLY ALREADY BEEN A FATALITY. And guess what?  Cone snails don’t do that NOOB SHIT with the superficial biting or stinging.  Your wetsuit or gloves won’t protect you.  Because homeboy didn’t bring teeth to evolution’s knife fight.  Oh no.  It brought a motherfucking radula POISON HARPOON.  It’s lightning fast and has way more piercing power than some silly little cnidocytes or salivary bacteria. Another component of their venom is being researched for its potential as a pain reliever.  “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT????” you might reasonably ask.  And you would be right to do so, because science has gone too far and has surely sinned against the very image of Mollusca Kedavra.  Well, it turns out the answer is “Research shows that certain component proteins of the venom target specific human pain receptors and can be up to 10,000 times more potent than morphine without morphine’s addictive properties and side-effects.”  That’s right, the part of their venom that SPECIFICALLY DOESN’T HURT YOU is up to 10,000 times more potent than morphine. Also, Conus geographus (along with one other cone snail species, C. tulipa) is the only known non-human animal to weaponize insulin.  In addition to the normal insulin that the snails produce for their own use, their bodies manufacture an ADDITIONAL insulin molecule that is similar to the kind produced in fish (which they eat) for the sole purpose of stunning their prey through hypoglycemic shock.  BECAUSE APPARENTLY THEY DON’T FEEL LIKE THEY’D KILL YOU HARD ENOUGH OTHERWISE. IF you are going to survive the ALMIGHTY CONE SNAIL, WHO KNOWS NO FEAR, TRIUMPHANT HEDGEMON OF THE MOLECULAR ARMS RACE, TRUE BORN HEIR TO THE SCYTHE OF DEATH ITSELF, FISHSLAYER, GOD AMONG MOLLUSKS, WHOSE WRATH IS MERCIFUL ONLY IN ITS BREVITY, ADMIRABLE IN ITS BEAUTY AND UNSULLIED BY THE UNWORTHY TOUCH OF MORTAL HANDS OR SCALES OR REALLY ANYTHING IN RANGE OF ITS RADULA HARPOON, then literally the only thing that’s going to save you is for you to be kept alive artificially (externalizing your respiratory functions to force your body to continue breathing, basically) until the effects of the venom wear off.  And because of how quickly this venom acts, you need to get that medical attention VERY, VERY FAST. And if you don’t get it, you will still be conscious while the paralysis slowly suffocates you to death. Don’t touch the pretty shells. I’ve never been so intrigued to learn how easily I could be fucking exterminated from existence by the overpowered sea creatures of the world. You’ve done a better job at keeping my attention then any of my teachers ever have. You know what I’m putting this on the writing blog cause I personally can see potential in some fantasy villain attempting to weaponise cone snailsIn which case, all hail snail king 🐌
paralysis: i-should-be-writing-rn:

inlovewithaleheather:

thecuckoohaslanded:


gerbthenerd:

alexander-lamington:


thelizardprincess:


biglawbear:


blacksirencry:

swaglexander-the-great:


#That’s a#That’s a blue ringed octopus#You’re going to die do you realise that#It is literally one of the most deadly animals in the world#Not just in Australia or just in the ocean in THE WORLD#Put it DOWN#And go to a hospital jfc via platonic-rabbit 
me tryna find out if this fool died


“The blue-ringed octopus, despite its small size, carries enough venom to kill twenty-six adult humans within minutes. Their bites are tiny and often painless, with many victims not realizing they have been envenomated until respiratory depression and paralysis start to set in.[8] No blue-ringed octopus antivenom is available yet, making it one of the deadliest reef inhabitants in the ocean.”
Holy shit


And this is why I don’t go in the ocean anymore


Also the blue rings literally only show up when it is distressed so this person has angered it!!! You are in danger friend!!!


Actually this guy keeps them as pets they’re on his instagram (william_exotique) and he frequently holds then and I just? Don’t know why? And also every picture or video he posts of them shows the blue rings so they’re always in distress I just do not understand why he’s doing this



#AMY EXPLAIN HOW DUMB THIS GUY IS 
I mean OP pretty much covered it.  A blue ringed octopus is almost on the level of CONE SNAIL on the list of things you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT PICK UP UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
But ask and you shall receive,  On this episode of “Fun Facts With Cuckoo,” DEAD.  YOU’RE DEAD.  EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND YOU SHOULD NEVER TOUCH ANYTHING IN THE OCEAN EVER AGAIN.
There are many things that will kill you.

[citation needed]
There are fewer, but still many things that will kill you FAST.
There are yet fewer things that kill you fast and by such an overwhelming margin of overkill that nervous laughter is our only solace in the dark of this terrible, surprisingly Lovecraftian world of unearthly horrors that we live in.
Of the things that I know about which will kill you fast via just plain insultingly potent venom, which is a not insignificant number of things because I know a not insignificant number of things, there are about 3 things in the ocean – IN THE WHOLE OCEAN – which are so insanely, mind-bogglingly deadly that there is pretty much no possible hope for survival (I mean you CAN, but god help you if you’re ever in that situation, because god’s just about damn near the only thing that CAN help you).  THE. WHOLE. OCEAN.
Those three things are the Irukandji (a tiny (1cm) species of box jellyfish, which has stingers not only on its tentacles but on its BELL, for reasons no one has definitively figured out, and is so toxic despite its size its sting can cause a severe brain hemorrhage), the cone snail (a group of carnivorous sea snails that is accepted to be the most venomous animals on earth, with a STUPIDLY fast acting and extremely powerful neurotoxin that has in at least one case killed a human ALMOST INSTANTANEOUSLY, because the swimmer who found two beautiful shells (unfortunately cone snails tend to have very pretty shells which makes people want to pick them up) was holding them up for a picture and ended up being stabbed in the neck by not one but TWO cone snails at the same time, and it is believed that she was literally dead before she hit the ground, I mean LITERALLY in a 100% non-fictional and non-exaggerated way, in between the time the two cone snails stabbed her and the time her limp body hit the sand, she was not alive anymore), and the blue ringed octopus.
It is POSSIBLE to survive any of these.  But not without immediate medical attention.  Of these three, the Irukandji is by far the most treatable, because Australia and other coastal regions (including Florida and other parts of the US) are kind of experienced in dealing with box jellyfish.
The blue ringed octopus will fucking kill you.  There’s no antidote for their venom, ONE COMPONENT OF WHICH (tetrodotoxin) is 1200 times deadlier than cyanide.  It’s a powerful neurotoxin (most of the worst venoms are because the species that produce them need to kill or at least paralyze their prey quickly, like jellyfish whose fragile tentacles could be damaged if their food doesn’t stop struggling) that attacks the sodium channels and causes muscle paralysis.  It doesn’t necessarily kill you quickly.  It PARALYZES you quickly, so that you can’t really call for help or describe the problem, and you will probably end up slowly suffocating from a paralyzed diaphragm.  Tetrodotoxin can be metabolized by the body in a matter of hours, but it can also kill you in a matter of minutes if you get a lethal dose (which isn’t much, the 

LD50

 or median lethal dose, the dose at which you have a 50% chance of survival, is only 8 MICROGRAMS per kilogram of body weight (as tested in mice)).  This is, by venom standards, not a large amount, which means the animal that is capable of putting this venom inside your body is very very good at killing the absolute shit out of you.
DON’T TOUCH THE BLUE RINGED OCTOPUS.
Now, because overkill is my motto, let me briefly explain why Conus geographus is the undisputed champion of YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE, AND FURTHERMORE FUCK YOU FOR THINKING OTHERWISE.
A cone snail walks into a bar.  You’d expect the bartender to ask, “what’s your poison,” but they were paralyzed before they could ask and OH LOOK they’re already FUCKING DEAD ON THE GROUND.
Conus geographus is about 4-6 inches long and nature’s equivalent of Avada Kedavra.  Cone snails literally have their own KIND of toxins named after them: conotoxin.  Not only is there no antidote, but their venom AGGRESSIVELY RESISTS our ability to find a cure, because we barely understand how it works AND conotoxins are so internally varied, even within a single species, that any one antidote isn’t going to help because they’re constantly mutating and evolving their venom to prevent their prey from evolving a resistance to it.  Plus their venom is like, a bunch of different venoms all at once JUST IN CASE any one of them wasn’t good enough.
I want you to read these two sentences from the wiki page on conotoxin:
“Conotoxins have a variety of mechanisms of actions, most of which have not been determined.”


“The LD50 of conotoxin is 50 ng/kg.”
Remember how the 

LD50 of tetrodotoxin is 8μg/kg?  Conotoxin is 160 times more potent.  FIFTY NANOGRAMS PER KILOGRAM HAS A 50% CHANCE OF KILLING YOU. A 220-POUND HUMAN HAS A 50% CHANCE OF SURVIVAL AGAINST JUST 5 MICROGRAMS OF CONOTOXIN.  
I DID SOME MATH.  
IT WOULD TAKE 7-9 MILLIGRAMS OF CONOTOXIN TO KILL A BLUE WHALE, THE HEAVIEST ANIMAL TO EVER LIVE. (based on weight estimates from 300-400,000 lbs.)
Conus geographus is so fucking deadly that “In two cases of envenomation, only 0.0002-0.0005 mg resulted in severe paralysis.”
THIS THING KILLS STUFF SO HARD THAT BEFORE YOU HEAR THE FIRST “MORTAL KOMBAT” IN THE MORTAL KOMBAT THEME, THERE’S PROBABLY ALREADY BEEN A FATALITY.
And guess what?  Cone snails don’t do that NOOB SHIT with the superficial biting or stinging.  Your wetsuit or gloves won’t protect you.  Because homeboy didn’t bring teeth to evolution’s knife fight.  Oh no.  It brought a motherfucking radula POISON HARPOON.  It’s lightning fast and has way more piercing power than some silly little cnidocytes or salivary bacteria.
Another component of their venom is being researched for its potential as a pain reliever.  “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT????” you might reasonably ask.  And you would be right to do so, because science has gone too far and has surely sinned against the very image of Mollusca Kedavra.  Well, it turns out the answer is “Research shows that certain component proteins of the venom target specific human pain receptors and can be up to 10,000 times more potent than morphine without morphine’s addictive properties and side-effects.”  That’s right, the part of their venom that SPECIFICALLY DOESN’T HURT YOU is up to 10,000 times more potent than morphine.
Also, Conus geographus (along with one other cone snail species, C. tulipa) is the only known non-human animal to weaponize insulin.  In addition to the normal insulin that the snails produce for their own use, their bodies manufacture an ADDITIONAL insulin molecule that is similar to the kind produced in fish (which they eat) for the sole purpose of stunning their prey through hypoglycemic shock.  BECAUSE APPARENTLY THEY DON’T FEEL LIKE THEY’D KILL YOU HARD ENOUGH OTHERWISE.
IF you are going to survive the ALMIGHTY CONE SNAIL, WHO KNOWS NO FEAR, TRIUMPHANT HEDGEMON OF THE MOLECULAR ARMS RACE, TRUE BORN HEIR TO THE SCYTHE OF DEATH ITSELF, FISHSLAYER, GOD AMONG MOLLUSKS, WHOSE WRATH IS MERCIFUL ONLY IN ITS BREVITY, ADMIRABLE IN ITS BEAUTY AND UNSULLIED BY THE UNWORTHY TOUCH OF MORTAL HANDS OR SCALES OR REALLY ANYTHING IN RANGE OF ITS RADULA HARPOON, then literally the only thing that’s going to save you is for you to be kept alive artificially (externalizing your respiratory functions to force your body to continue breathing, basically) until the effects of the venom wear off.  And because of how quickly this venom acts, you need to get that medical attention VERY, VERY FAST.
And if you don’t get it, you will still be conscious while the paralysis slowly suffocates you to death.
Don’t touch the pretty shells.


I’ve never been so intrigued to learn how easily I could be fucking exterminated from existence by the overpowered sea creatures of the world. You’ve done a better job at keeping my attention then any of my teachers ever have.


You know what I’m putting this on the writing blog cause I personally can see potential in some fantasy villain attempting to weaponise cone snailsIn which case, all hail snail king 🐌

i-should-be-writing-rn: inlovewithaleheather: thecuckoohaslanded: gerbthenerd: alexander-lamington: thelizardprincess: biglawbea...

paralysis: Stephen hawking moments before his lifelong paralysis due to an unknown cause back then (circa 1963)
paralysis: Stephen hawking moments before his lifelong paralysis due to an unknown cause back then (circa 1963)

Stephen hawking moments before his lifelong paralysis due to an unknown cause back then (circa 1963)