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Being Alone, Boner, and Do a Barrel Roll: People Can't Handle The Way Morrissey Describes A Boner In His Novel A bulbous salutation to you all. posted on Sept. 24, 2015, at 9:52 a.m Alan White BuzzFeed News Reporter, UK So, during a sex scene in Morrissey's recently published novel List of the Lost, this happens. Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza's body except for the otherwise central zone." 03 thebibliosphere: doebarnes: mugsandpugs: jottingprosaist: shredsandpatches: hedwig-dordt: naznomad: martingoresangst: Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex. DO A BARREL ROLL #in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey?? Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS??? … guys ….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this?“HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.” … I mean. Comparatively… Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts. So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better. @goddessemily   was it this post?
Being Alone, Boner, and Do a Barrel Roll: People Can't Handle The
 Way Morrissey Describes A
 Boner In His Novel
 A bulbous salutation to you all.
 posted on Sept. 24, 2015, at 9:52 a.m
 Alan White
 BuzzFeed News Reporter, UK
 So, during a sex scene in Morrissey's
 recently published novel List of the
 Lost, this happens.
 Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's
 howling mouth and the pained frenzy of
 his bulbous salutation extenuating his
 excitement as it smacked its way into
 every muscle of Eliza's body except for
 the otherwise central zone."
 03
thebibliosphere:

doebarnes:

mugsandpugs:

jottingprosaist:

shredsandpatches:

hedwig-dordt:

naznomad:

martingoresangst:

Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month

this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life

You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex.

DO A BARREL ROLL



#in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey??


Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS???

… guys
….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this?“HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.”
… I mean. Comparatively…

Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts.

So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better.


@goddessemily   was it this post?

thebibliosphere: doebarnes: mugsandpugs: jottingprosaist: shredsandpatches: hedwig-dordt: naznomad: martingoresangst: Thats the weir...

Beer, Old Man, and Tumblr: Fig 1: Form an "A" shape with your index and middle fingers using both hands. Extend your middle and index fingers on both hands, keeping them dlose together, while your thumbs hold down your ring and pinky fingers. Place your two middle fingers together, formingan "A" shape. Ifeel likelget a louder and more forceful whistle using this finger combo. Fig 2: Draw back your lips to cover your teeth Lip placement is key. Give your lips a quick lick to wet your whistle. Tuck your lips back over your teeth. It's what you do when you pretend you're an old man without any teeth. Your lips need to cover your teeth in order to whistle successfully Feel free to adjust how much or little you tuck your lips back. It's going to vary from person to person. Your fingers will help keep your bottom lip tucked over your teeth. Fig 3: Push tongue back into mouth. Place the tip of your fingers undemeath your tongue right at the tip. Push the tip of your tongue back with your fingers. You're basically folding the first 1/4 of your tongue back on itself. Push your tongue back into your mouth until your first knuckle reaches your bottom lips. ーレーじ Fig 4: Blow through the hole between your two index fingers. Give a soft blow out your mouth. You should feel the air only go out over your bottom lip. If you feel air coming out the sides of your mouth, close your mouth tighter around your fingers. Remember, perfect seal. Make sure you don't see your tongue make an appearance in the hole between your fingers! It's blocking the air from coming out. You probably won't get a sound right off the bat. That's okay. Adjust your finger placement under your tongue and experiment with different finger angles and varying degrees of lip tuckage until you find the sweet spot. Experimentation is key-keep making little adjustments. You'll know when you're getting dose to your whistle sweet spot because you'll start producing a noise that sounds sort of like you're blowing over a beer bottle.Start blowing more forcefully, until you get that high-pitched and loud whistle. srsfunny:If You’ve Ever Wanted To Learn This
Beer, Old Man, and Tumblr: Fig 1: Form an "A" shape with your index
 and middle fingers using both hands.
 Extend your middle and index fingers on both hands, keeping
 them dlose together, while your thumbs hold down your ring
 and pinky fingers.
 Place your two middle fingers together, formingan "A" shape.
 Ifeel likelget a louder and more forceful whistle using this
 finger combo.
 Fig 2: Draw back your lips to
 cover your teeth
 Lip placement is key. Give your lips a quick lick to wet your
 whistle. Tuck your lips back over your teeth. It's what you do
 when you pretend you're an old man without any teeth.
 Your lips need to cover your teeth in order to whistle
 successfully Feel free to adjust how much or little you tuck
 your lips back. It's going to vary from person to person.
 Your fingers will help keep your bottom lip tucked over
 your teeth.
 Fig 3: Push tongue back into mouth.
 Place the tip of your fingers undemeath your tongue right at
 the tip.
 Push the tip of your tongue back with your fingers. You're
 basically folding the first 1/4 of your tongue back on itself.
 Push your tongue back into your mouth until your first
 knuckle reaches your bottom lips.
 ーレーじ
 Fig 4: Blow through the hole between
 your two index fingers.
 Give a soft blow out your mouth. You should feel the air
 only go out over your bottom lip. If you feel air coming out
 the sides of your mouth, close your mouth tighter around
 your fingers. Remember, perfect seal.
 Make sure you don't see your tongue make an appearance
 in the hole between your fingers! It's blocking the air from
 coming out.
 You probably won't get a sound right off the bat. That's
 okay. Adjust your finger placement under your tongue
 and experiment with different finger angles and varying
 degrees of lip tuckage until you find the sweet spot.
 Experimentation is key-keep making little adjustments.
 You'll know when you're getting dose to your whistle
 sweet spot because you'll start producing a noise that
 sounds sort of like you're blowing over a beer bottle.Start
 blowing more forcefully, until you get that high-pitched
 and loud whistle.
srsfunny:If You’ve Ever Wanted To Learn This

srsfunny:If You’ve Ever Wanted To Learn This

Flower, Vagina, and Real: 1810 While trying on a pair of wrap pants that Im halfway through making, I noticeda floweron my vagina. Pattern placement problems are real.
Flower, Vagina, and Real: 1810
While trying on a pair of wrap pants that Im halfway through making, I noticeda floweron my vagina. Pattern placement problems are real.

While trying on a pair of wrap pants that Im halfway through making, I noticeda floweron my vagina. Pattern placement problems are real.

Al Gore, Children, and Definitely: 10knotes Meet Irena Sendler (1910-2008) She was a 98 year-old Polish woman at her time of death. During World War II, Irena worked in the Warsaw Ghetto as a plumbing/sewer specialist. She dedicated herself to smuggle Jewish children out Infants were carried in the bottom of the tool box she used and older children in a burlap sack she had in the back of her truck. She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto. The soldiers wanted nothing to do with the dog and the barking covered the kids' and infants' noises. Irena managed to smuggle out and save 2500 children during this time She eventually was caught and the Nazis broke both her legs, arms and beat her severely. Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and in a glass jar buried under a tree in her backyard. After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived and reunited some of the families but most had been killed. She then helped those children get placement into foster family homes or adopted In 2007, Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize. She was not selected. Al Gore won for presenting a slide show on Global Warming. Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize. She was not selected. Al Gore won for presenting a slide show on Global Warming. DON'T WANT TO LIVE ONTHIS PLANET ANYMORE THE META PICTURE srsfunny:She Definitely Deserved It More Than Anyone
Al Gore, Children, and Definitely: 10knotes
 Meet Irena Sendler (1910-2008)
 She was a 98 year-old Polish woman at her time of
 death. During World War II, Irena worked in the
 Warsaw Ghetto as a plumbing/sewer specialist. She
 dedicated herself to smuggle Jewish children out
 Infants were carried in the bottom of the tool box she
 used and older children in a burlap sack she had in
 the back of her truck.
 She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi
 soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto. The soldiers wanted nothing to do
 with the dog and the barking covered the kids' and infants' noises. Irena
 managed to smuggle out and save 2500 children during this time
 She eventually was caught and the Nazis broke both her legs, arms and
 beat her severely. Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she
 smuggled out and in a glass jar buried under a tree in her backyard. After
 the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived and
 reunited some of the families but most had been killed. She then helped
 those children get placement into foster family homes or adopted
 In 2007, Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize. She was not selected.
 Al Gore won for presenting a slide show on Global Warming.
 Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize. She was not selected.
 Al Gore won for presenting a slide show on Global Warming.
 DON'T WANT TO LIVE
 ONTHIS PLANET ANYMORE
 THE META PICTURE
srsfunny:She Definitely Deserved It More Than Anyone

srsfunny:She Definitely Deserved It More Than Anyone