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Tumblr, Blog, and Been: Thing drakdrawings: A Nor i’ve been poking at now and then
Tumblr, Blog, and Been: Thing
drakdrawings:

A Nor i’ve been poking at now and then

drakdrawings: A Nor i’ve been poking at now and then

Beard, Click, and Confidence: emotion & body language body language: emotion Shiiting,1idgeting,grinning,L1Cking 11PS anticipation rubbing hands together slack-jawed, fixed gaze, unable to move awe clapping hands, shaking with laughter amusement slapping thighs, throwing head back biting smile back furrowed/lowered brow, flushed face, pointing ander or table, clenched fist/jaw, baring teeth throbbing veins in neck, scowling glaring, eye rolling, pressed lips, sighing annoyance fidgeting, sweating, playing with jewelry quickened breath, dry mouth/swallowing anxiety biting nails, stuttering, biting lip yawning, fridgeting, doodling, tapping feet boredom or shaking leg, playing with pen/pencil/hair lifted chin, head high, puffed chest, back straight, shoulders back, deliberate movement confidence tilted head, furrowed brow, shrugging, squinting confusion lifted chin, smirk, sneer, purse lips contempt emotion & body language body language: emotion twisted lips, twisted smile, half smile, shaking head, rolling eyes cynical one shoulder shrug, playing with hair/ring necklace/earring/earlobe, scratching face/ nose/neck, shuffling, fidgeting, looking down deceptive hesitation in speech, nodding while saying no shaking head while saving ves, licking lips covering/touching mouth crossed arms, hands hidden, keeping object or person between self and percieved threat defensive winking, touching hair or clothing, eye contact, looking up through lashes, arching des1ire dilated pupils, stretching wide-eyed (shocked), narrow-eyed (suspicious) raised brows (shocked),low brow (suspicious), crinkled nose, curled lip, turning away clenched eyes, covering mouth/nose, flinch disqust frown, creased brows, crossed arms, pressed lips, narrowed eyes displeasure fidgeting, rubbing/scratching neck, wide-eyed distress plaving with iewelry, rapid-breathing, fixing sleeves, holding self, trembling blush, stuttering, stammering, unable to embarrassment make eye contact, covering face, holding self, blinking back tears, looking down or at lights rubbing eyes/temples, yawning, staring off slouching, closing eyes, moving slow fatique emotion & body language body language: emotion shrinking back, wide-eyed, hunched shoulders, flinching, shaking/trembling, holding self fear shaking head, pinching bridge of nose frustrationrubing temples, clenching hands grinding/clenching teeth shaking with sobs, staring off, trembling, shuddered breaths, gasping sobs, curling in on self, lashing out/hitting things grief smile, laugh, hum, whistle, dancing, jumping hugging, giggling, crinkled eyes happiness eye contact, open posture, smiling, looking honesty upwards tapping feet, shaking leg, taping fingers impatience twirling pen, nodding quickly, checking time sighing, looking away crossed arms, sneer, narrowed eyes, sour expression, tight 1ips jealousy hands clenched or gripping something overwhelmed wide-eyed, missing time/conversations, palms to forehead, staring off talking fast, leaning forward, nodding, raised brows, wide-eyed, eager, double handed passionate handshake smiling, nudging, teasing, poking, winking goading, giggling, laughing playful emotion & body language body language: emotion head back, parted 1ips, eyes wide or closed, flushing, quick breath/pulse, arch neck/back pleasure chin up, back straight, shoulders back, chest out, firm handshake, open/spread posture pride biting lip, pressed lips, crossed arms dragging feet, pinching bridge of nose reluctance slouched posture, holding self, hesitant, sadness quivering, crying, sobbing, shaking, tremblling tight smile, hiding hands in pockets/crossed arms, looking down/away, covering face secretiveness bury face in hands, looking down/away slumped posture, pressed lips, straight mouth, wet eyes shame eyebrows raised, mouth open, gasp, hands over mouth, freezing, stepping back/away shock dropping objects in hand (s) avoiding eye contact, looking away/down blushing, bending head, keeping distance shyness stepping away, holding self smirk, one raised eyebrow, corners of mouth twitch upwards smugnesS narrowed eyes, furrowed/creased brow, frown tight lips, pressed lips, glance sideways watchful agaze closed eyes, staring off, stroking/touching thoughtfullness neck or jewelry, pinching bridge of nose stroke face/beard, rest chin on hand theonlysaylor: A Writing Cheat Sheet: for linking actions with emotions.  As always, click for HD.
Beard, Click, and Confidence: emotion & body language
 body language:
 emotion
 Shiiting,1idgeting,grinning,L1Cking 11PS
 anticipation rubbing hands together
 slack-jawed, fixed gaze, unable to move
 awe
 clapping hands, shaking with laughter
 amusement
 slapping thighs, throwing head back
 biting smile back
 furrowed/lowered brow, flushed face, pointing
 ander
 or table, clenched fist/jaw, baring teeth
 throbbing veins in neck, scowling
 glaring, eye rolling, pressed lips, sighing
 annoyance
 fidgeting, sweating, playing with jewelry
 quickened breath, dry mouth/swallowing
 anxiety
 biting nails, stuttering, biting lip
 yawning, fridgeting, doodling, tapping feet
 boredom
 or shaking leg, playing with pen/pencil/hair
 lifted chin, head high, puffed chest, back
 straight, shoulders back, deliberate movement
 confidence
 tilted head, furrowed brow, shrugging,
 squinting
 confusion
 lifted chin, smirk, sneer, purse lips
 contempt

 emotion & body language
 body language:
 emotion
 twisted lips, twisted smile, half smile,
 shaking head, rolling eyes
 cynical
 one shoulder shrug, playing with hair/ring
 necklace/earring/earlobe, scratching face/
 nose/neck, shuffling, fidgeting, looking down
 deceptive
 hesitation in speech, nodding while saying no
 shaking head while saving ves, licking lips
 covering/touching mouth
 crossed arms, hands hidden, keeping object
 or person between self and percieved threat
 defensive
 winking, touching hair or clothing, eye
 contact, looking up through lashes, arching
 des1ire
 dilated pupils, stretching
 wide-eyed (shocked), narrow-eyed (suspicious)
 raised brows (shocked),low brow (suspicious),
 crinkled nose, curled lip, turning away
 clenched eyes, covering mouth/nose, flinch
 disqust
 frown, creased brows, crossed arms, pressed
 lips, narrowed eyes
 displeasure
 fidgeting, rubbing/scratching neck, wide-eyed
 distress
 plaving with iewelry, rapid-breathing, fixing
 sleeves, holding self, trembling
 blush, stuttering, stammering, unable to
 embarrassment make eye contact, covering face, holding self,
 blinking back tears, looking down or at lights
 rubbing eyes/temples, yawning, staring off
 slouching, closing eyes, moving slow
 fatique

 emotion & body language
 body language:
 emotion
 shrinking back, wide-eyed, hunched shoulders,
 flinching, shaking/trembling, holding self
 fear
 shaking head, pinching bridge of nose
 frustrationrubing temples, clenching hands
 grinding/clenching teeth
 shaking with sobs, staring off, trembling,
 shuddered breaths, gasping sobs, curling
 in on self, lashing out/hitting things
 grief
 smile, laugh, hum, whistle, dancing, jumping
 hugging, giggling, crinkled eyes
 happiness
 eye contact, open posture, smiling, looking
 honesty
 upwards
 tapping feet, shaking leg, taping fingers
 impatience twirling pen, nodding quickly, checking time
 sighing, looking away
 crossed arms, sneer, narrowed eyes, sour
 expression, tight 1ips
 jealousy
 hands clenched or gripping something
 overwhelmed wide-eyed, missing time/conversations, palms
 to forehead, staring off
 talking fast, leaning forward, nodding,
 raised brows, wide-eyed, eager, double handed
 passionate
 handshake
 smiling, nudging, teasing, poking, winking
 goading, giggling, laughing
 playful

 emotion & body language
 body language:
 emotion
 head back, parted 1ips, eyes wide or closed,
 flushing, quick breath/pulse, arch neck/back
 pleasure
 chin up, back straight, shoulders back, chest
 out, firm handshake, open/spread posture
 pride
 biting lip, pressed lips, crossed arms
 dragging feet, pinching bridge of nose
 reluctance
 slouched posture, holding self, hesitant,
 sadness
 quivering, crying, sobbing, shaking,
 tremblling
 tight smile, hiding hands in pockets/crossed
 arms, looking down/away, covering face
 secretiveness
 bury face in hands, looking down/away
 slumped posture, pressed lips, straight
 mouth, wet eyes
 shame
 eyebrows raised, mouth open, gasp, hands
 over mouth, freezing, stepping back/away
 shock
 dropping objects in hand (s)
 avoiding eye contact, looking away/down
 blushing, bending head, keeping distance
 shyness
 stepping away, holding self
 smirk, one raised eyebrow, corners of mouth
 twitch upwards
 smugnesS
 narrowed eyes, furrowed/creased brow, frown
 tight lips, pressed lips, glance sideways
 watchful agaze
 closed eyes, staring off, stroking/touching
 thoughtfullness neck or jewelry, pinching bridge of nose
 stroke face/beard, rest chin on hand
theonlysaylor:
A Writing Cheat Sheet: for linking actions with emotions. 
As always, click for HD.

theonlysaylor: A Writing Cheat Sheet: for linking actions with emotions.  As always, click for HD.

Fake, Tumblr, and Blog: Big Hit txtbhe:beomgyu fake poking soobin is the cutest thing ever
Fake, Tumblr, and Blog: Big Hit
txtbhe:beomgyu fake poking soobin is the cutest thing ever

txtbhe:beomgyu fake poking soobin is the cutest thing ever

Animals, Fire, and Girls: Fat rat stuck in manhole rescued by firefighters in Germany KATE LYONS FEBRUARY 27, 2019 A multi-agency rescue operation has taken place in the town of Bensheim in Germany after a tubby rat became stuck in a manhole cover. The rat, still plump with winterspeck - which translates literally as winter bacon and refers to extra pounds piled on in the colder months became stuck after it tried to squeeze through a small gap in the sewer cover. The Auerbach volunteer fire brigade was called in, as was the Rhein Neckar animal rescue team, and together a team of about eight rescuers was able to raise the cover and pull the rat free. It took about eight firefighters and an animal expert to help the rat to freedom. Photograph: Berufstierrettung Rhein Neckar/ Freiwillige Feuerwehr Auerbach The rat had quite a lot of winter fat and got stuck on its hips _nothing was going forward and nothing back," animal rescuer Michael Sehr told news agency DPA Photos of the rat showed its head and rotund torso poking out of the hole, with its bottom half obscured by the sewer cover. In one image it seemed to almost be calling for hilfe. The fire brigade said the rat escaped unhurt. "The animal was subsequently released again into the wild. The fire department's operation was completed after a good 25 minutes," said the Auerbach fire department. After the successful rescue, two young girls presented the animal rescue teanm with a gift to say thank you- a drawing of a rat surrounded by love hearts with the word "danke!" written on it. Sehr told DPA he did not have any qualms about rescuing the rat. "Even animals that are hated by many people deserve respect," he said. True story
Animals, Fire, and Girls: Fat rat stuck in manhole rescued by
 firefighters in Germany
 KATE LYONS FEBRUARY 27, 2019
 A multi-agency rescue operation has taken place in the town of Bensheim in
 Germany after a tubby rat became stuck in a manhole cover.

 The rat, still plump with winterspeck - which translates literally as winter
 bacon and refers to extra pounds piled on in the colder months became
 stuck after it tried to squeeze through a small gap in the sewer cover.
 The Auerbach volunteer fire brigade was called in, as was the Rhein Neckar
 animal rescue team, and together a team of about eight rescuers was able to
 raise the cover and pull the rat free.

 It took about eight firefighters and an animal expert to help the rat to freedom. Photograph:
 Berufstierrettung Rhein Neckar/ Freiwillige Feuerwehr Auerbach

 The
 rat
 had
 quite
 a
 lot
 of
 winter
 fat
 and
 got
 stuck
 on
 its
 hips
 _nothing
 was going forward and nothing back," animal rescuer Michael Sehr told
 news agency DPA
 Photos of the rat showed its head and rotund torso poking out of the hole,
 with its bottom half obscured by the sewer cover. In one image it seemed to
 almost be calling for hilfe.
 The fire brigade said the rat escaped unhurt.

 "The animal was subsequently released again into the wild. The fire
 department's operation was completed after a good 25 minutes," said the
 Auerbach fire department.
 After the successful rescue, two young girls presented the animal rescue teanm
 with a gift to say thank you- a drawing of a rat surrounded by love hearts
 with the word "danke!" written on it.
 Sehr told DPA he did not have any qualms about rescuing the rat.
 "Even animals that are hated by many people deserve respect," he said.
True story

True story

Head, French, and German: A German soldier shot dead by a French sniper after poking his head out of his trench, 1917
Head, French, and German: A German soldier shot dead by a French sniper after poking his head out of his trench, 1917

A German soldier shot dead by a French sniper after poking his head out of his trench, 1917

Beautiful, Children, and Drinking: Kara and I drove out to Stanley Park with a bottle of wine, and sat on the beach» drinking and talking until 2:00 in the moming. I had no idea how much it Could mean to meet someone who had been through this whole proCesS.. I Just don t understand these People Who tolk about how much they love being trons. I hate it! It's the worst part of my lifel Thinking about it is just so painful! All the years I missed out on. All the things Im never going to get to do. I mean. I'll never get to have Children! I remember feeling the Same woy But look at this flower here poking its Way out through the pavement. Just to bloom they 【 But despite all that, here it is. Blooming flowers have ahave to force their really rough time way out through in life Concrete. Just as beautiful as any other flower. O IL More beautiful, even. A っ I mean, how omazing is it that It con still be a very painful life. againSt all odds this little fowerEspecially for the flowers that get was still able break through into tomped down by the world. But thot the world and live its life?doen't take away from their beauty. I guess thot's how I feel abour being trans. I think it's amazing that in this vast universe that at every tum tries to Suppress our existence. we Somehow find who We are and beCome our true Selves. I think that's the most beautiful thing in the world. Kara had eXperienced And made it out the other Side with a sm ile on her everythingI had, and worSe... face. And hope for the A lifetime of future. SuCCe55... X It just let me feel for the first time like moybe, just maybe. Everything was going to be OK after all.. lifeofbriacomix: I always have a hard time knowing what to say on TDOR. So I think I’ll mostly leave it to this piece from my graphic novel, First Year Out.Trans people are the strongest, most resilient, most beautiful people in existence. We are the flowers growing out of the cracks in the pavement. You can step on us, but we’ll never stop blooming.
nsfw
Beautiful, Children, and Drinking: Kara and I drove out to Stanley
 Park with a bottle of wine, and
 sat on the beach» drinking and
 talking until 2:00 in the moming.
 I had no idea how much it Could
 mean to meet someone who had been
 through this whole proCesS..
 I Just don t understand these
 People Who tolk about how
 much they love being trons.
 I hate it! It's the worst
 part of my lifel Thinking
 about it is just so painful!
 All the years I missed out
 on. All the things Im never
 going to get to do. I mean.
 I'll never get to have Children!
 I remember
 feeling the
 Same woy
 But look at this flower here poking
 its Way out through the pavement.

 Just to bloom they 【 But despite all that, here
 it is. Blooming
 flowers have ahave to force their
 really rough time way out through
 in life
 Concrete.
 Just as beautiful as any
 other flower.
 O IL
 More beautiful, even. A
 っ
 I mean, how omazing is it that It con still be a very painful life.
 againSt all odds this little fowerEspecially for the flowers that get
 was still able break through into tomped down by the world. But thot
 the world and live its life?doen't take away from their beauty.
 I guess thot's how I feel abour
 being trans.
 I think it's amazing that in this
 vast universe that at every tum
 tries to Suppress our existence.
 we Somehow find who We are and
 beCome our true Selves.
 I think that's the most
 beautiful thing in the world.

 Kara had
 eXperienced
 And made it
 out the other
 Side with a
 sm ile on her
 everythingI
 had, and
 worSe...
 face.
 And hope
 for the
 A lifetime of
 future.
 SuCCe55... X
 It just let me feel for the first time like
 moybe, just maybe.
 Everything was going to be OK after all..
lifeofbriacomix:

I always have a hard time knowing what to say on TDOR. So I think I’ll mostly leave it to this piece from my graphic novel, First Year Out.Trans people are the strongest, most resilient,  most beautiful people in existence. We are the flowers growing out of the cracks in the pavement. You can step on us, but we’ll never stop blooming.

lifeofbriacomix: I always have a hard time knowing what to say on TDOR. So I think I’ll mostly leave it to this piece from my graphic novel...

Bones, Definitely, and Dude: botanyshitposts: devipotato: botanyshitposts: nolayelde: botanyshitposts: I planted some saguaro seeds about a week ago. Who woukda thunk that such large lads start out so smol. (submitted @nolayelde) this speaks for itself when paired with a pic of the grown plant for scale: they usually live to be 150+ years old. cutting one down in Arizona, where they’re native, is a felony with a maximum 9 months in prison.  in my brief wikipedia exploration to find out how old they could be for this ask i found out that there was a dude in 1982 who was vandalizing one (which is also highly illegal) by shooting at it and then poking at it, and not only did the 500 pound arm of the cactus he was shooting at fall on top of him, but the actual trunk of the cactus then also proceeded to fall on him. he died. smited by the cactus gods for his transgressions  There was one we had in our backyard that fell on our fence and buckled the steel bar. When the guy came by to take it away he sliced into roughly foot long segments and we kept one. It was really cool in the inside, also the chlorophyll is on the inside. My mom turned the outer layer into a lampshade Sorry it’s dusty lmao no idea how to clean it i…………..idk how to react to this but this is definitely an item i wasn’t expecting  here’s another fun fact about saguaro cactuses (or cacti - both are fine!): when they die, the flesh on them erodes away and leaves these really cool wood-like structures they’re called bones. these are cactus bones ……oh
Bones, Definitely, and Dude: botanyshitposts:
devipotato:

botanyshitposts:

nolayelde:

botanyshitposts:

I planted some saguaro seeds about a week ago. Who woukda thunk that such large lads start out so smol. (submitted @nolayelde)
this speaks for itself when paired with a pic of the grown plant for scale:
they usually live to be 150+ years old. cutting one down in Arizona, where they’re native, is a felony with a maximum 9 months in prison. 
in my brief wikipedia exploration to find out how old they could be for this ask i found out that there was a dude in 1982 who was vandalizing one (which is also highly illegal) by shooting at it and then poking at it, and not only did the 500 pound arm of the cactus he was shooting at fall on top of him, but the actual trunk of the cactus then also proceeded to fall on him. he died. smited by the cactus gods for his transgressions 

There was one we had in our backyard that fell on our fence and buckled the steel bar. When the guy came by to take it away he sliced into roughly foot long segments and we kept one. It was really cool in the inside, also the chlorophyll is on the inside. My mom turned the outer layer into a lampshade
Sorry it’s dusty lmao no idea how to clean it

i…………..idk how to react to this but this is definitely an item i wasn’t expecting 

here’s another fun fact about saguaro cactuses (or cacti - both are fine!): when they die, the flesh on them erodes away and leaves these really cool wood-like structures
they’re called bones. these are cactus bones

……oh

botanyshitposts: devipotato: botanyshitposts: nolayelde: botanyshitposts: I planted some saguaro seeds about a week ago. Who woukda thun...

Bones, Definitely, and Dude: botanyshitposts: devipotato: botanyshitposts: nolayelde: botanyshitposts: I planted some saguaro seeds about a week ago. Who woukda thunk that such large lads start out so smol. (submitted @nolayelde) this speaks for itself when paired with a pic of the grown plant for scale: they usually live to be 150+ years old. cutting one down in Arizona, where they’re native, is a felony with a maximum 9 months in prison.  in my brief wikipedia exploration to find out how old they could be for this ask i found out that there was a dude in 1982 who was vandalizing one (which is also highly illegal) by shooting at it and then poking at it, and not only did the 500 pound arm of the cactus he was shooting at fall on top of him, but the actual trunk of the cactus then also proceeded to fall on him. he died. smited by the cactus gods for his transgressions  There was one we had in our backyard that fell on our fence and buckled the steel bar. When the guy came by to take it away he sliced into roughly foot long segments and we kept one. It was really cool in the inside, also the chlorophyll is on the inside. My mom turned the outer layer into a lampshade Sorry it’s dusty lmao no idea how to clean it i…………..idk how to react to this but this is definitely an item i wasn’t expecting  here’s another fun fact about saguaro cactuses (or cacti - both are fine!): when they die, the flesh on them erodes away and leaves these really cool wood-like structures they’re called bones. these are cactus bones ……oh
Bones, Definitely, and Dude: botanyshitposts:
devipotato:

botanyshitposts:

nolayelde:

botanyshitposts:

I planted some saguaro seeds about a week ago. Who woukda thunk that such large lads start out so smol. (submitted @nolayelde)
this speaks for itself when paired with a pic of the grown plant for scale:
they usually live to be 150+ years old. cutting one down in Arizona, where they’re native, is a felony with a maximum 9 months in prison. 
in my brief wikipedia exploration to find out how old they could be for this ask i found out that there was a dude in 1982 who was vandalizing one (which is also highly illegal) by shooting at it and then poking at it, and not only did the 500 pound arm of the cactus he was shooting at fall on top of him, but the actual trunk of the cactus then also proceeded to fall on him. he died. smited by the cactus gods for his transgressions 

There was one we had in our backyard that fell on our fence and buckled the steel bar. When the guy came by to take it away he sliced into roughly foot long segments and we kept one. It was really cool in the inside, also the chlorophyll is on the inside. My mom turned the outer layer into a lampshade
Sorry it’s dusty lmao no idea how to clean it

i…………..idk how to react to this but this is definitely an item i wasn’t expecting 

here’s another fun fact about saguaro cactuses (or cacti - both are fine!): when they die, the flesh on them erodes away and leaves these really cool wood-like structures
they’re called bones. these are cactus bones

……oh

botanyshitposts: devipotato: botanyshitposts: nolayelde: botanyshitposts: I planted some saguaro seeds about a week ago. Who woukda thun...

Being Alone, Bad, and Funny: reddit Hello, A few months ago l captured an American Cockroach in my studio apartment. In my apartment, I see a roach from time to time. Nota ton of bunches of roaches, like say, 2 or 3 a month. Most often I smashed them or sprayeda poison on them. But one time l thought, maybe this is a bad thing? Why should a roach be killed ust because it is a bug? Well I decided to capture that roach and I made him my pet. I name him Big Alan I keep Big Alan in a little aquarium, but I also take him out a lot to hold him, pet him, speak to him, etc. Well, let me tell you in my life I have had only3 dates, and before this new date my last prior date was in October 2009. So may I say that, of course, I admit I was very nervous to go on this new date I find that Big Alan keeps me very calm when I have him with me. He is like a good luck charm of sorts, and as my pet he is my good friend, so l know that if he is with me I am not alone. It may seem silly but it is like he is a courage bug So on my date I kept Big Alan in my front shirt pocket, and I put bacon bits in there so he would have a good meal and he would be distracted b that and not crawl awav. Well it did not work exactly this way. You see, a roach like Big Alan has very long antennae. If you have ever seen a cockroach you know that's a fact. Well at some point I guess this damned rascal was tired of his bacon bits and his antennae were poking up out of my pocket. Well I have to tell you that she did see this. I did not want to cause a fright so l explained it is just my pet, and I took Big Alan out of my pocket to show her. Well let me tell you she did react very oorly to this, and even screamed. And everyone turned and saw I had a roach in my hands and just about everyone reacted very badly. I had to explain to everyone he is just my pet. Well I was finding this extremely embarrassing and also l feared for the safety of Big Alan to be honest. So I ran out of that place. Yes, ran. Well now I am quite shamed and angered by all of this. I have resolved I will not do any more dates. That's for sure. But I wish Big Alan had not poked his antennae out. He didn't know the deal but even so T am slightly annoyed at him. I know this is unfair. But it's how I feel. tripropellant: mysteryho: yeezusplease: big alan did nothing wrong i like how this is written like an american 1950s radio personality telling an ambling story this is such a powerful example of how tone and phrasing can be jokes on their own. if this guy wrote this like a normal person it’d be mildly funny but mostly a little sad but because he wrote it how he did it’s indescribably funny
Being Alone, Bad, and Funny: reddit
 Hello,
 A few months ago l captured an American
 Cockroach in my studio apartment. In my
 apartment, I see a roach from time to time. Nota
 ton of bunches of roaches, like say, 2 or 3 a
 month. Most often I smashed them or sprayeda
 poison on them. But one time l thought, maybe
 this is a bad thing? Why should a roach be killed
 ust because it is a bug? Well I decided to
 capture that roach and I made him my pet. I
 name him Big Alan
 I keep Big Alan in a little aquarium, but I also
 take him out a lot to hold him, pet him, speak to
 him, etc.
 Well, let me tell you in my life I have had only3
 dates, and before this new date my last prior
 date was in October 2009. So may I say that, of
 course, I admit I was very nervous to go on this
 new date
 I find that Big Alan keeps me very calm when I
 have him with me. He is like a good luck charm
 of sorts, and as my pet he is my good friend, so l
 know that if he is with me I am not alone. It may
 seem silly but it is like he is a courage bug

 So on my date I kept Big Alan in my front shirt
 pocket, and I put bacon bits in there so he would
 have a good meal and he would be distracted b
 that and not crawl awav. Well it did not work
 exactly this way. You see, a roach like Big Alan
 has very long antennae. If you have ever seen a
 cockroach you know that's a fact. Well at some
 point I guess this damned rascal was tired of his
 bacon bits and his antennae were poking up out
 of my pocket.
 Well I have to tell you that she did see this. I did
 not want to cause a fright so l explained it is just
 my pet, and I took Big Alan out of my pocket to
 show her. Well let me tell you she did react very
 oorly to this, and even screamed. And everyone
 turned and saw I had a roach in my hands and
 just about everyone reacted very badly. I had to
 explain to everyone he is just my pet.
 Well I was finding this extremely embarrassing
 and also l feared for the safety of Big Alan to be
 honest. So I ran out of that place. Yes, ran.

 Well now I am quite shamed and angered by all
 of this. I have resolved I will not do any more
 dates. That's for sure. But I wish Big Alan had
 not poked his antennae out. He didn't know the
 deal but even so T am slightly annoyed at him. I
 know this is unfair. But it's how I feel.
tripropellant:

mysteryho:

yeezusplease:

big alan did nothing wrong

i like how this is written like an american 1950s radio personality telling an ambling story


this is such a powerful example of how tone and phrasing can be jokes on their own. if this guy wrote this like a normal person it’d be mildly funny but mostly a little sad but because he wrote it how he did it’s indescribably funny

tripropellant: mysteryho: yeezusplease: big alan did nothing wrong i like how this is written like an american 1950s radio personality t...

Sexy, Super, and Sat: Im a female. My favourite jeans split in the upper thigh and when I sat down it looked like I had freshly shaven, super sexy nuts poking out
Sexy, Super, and Sat: Im a female. My favourite jeans split in the upper thigh and when I sat down it looked like I had freshly shaven, super sexy nuts poking out

Im a female. My favourite jeans split in the upper thigh and when I sat down it looked like I had freshly shaven, super sexy nuts poking out

Sexy, Super, and Sat: Im a female. My favourite jeans split in the upper thigh and when I sat down it looked like I had freshly shaven, super sexy nuts poking out
Sexy, Super, and Sat: Im a female. My favourite jeans split in the upper thigh and when I sat down it looked like I had freshly shaven, super sexy nuts poking out

Im a female. My favourite jeans split in the upper thigh and when I sat down it looked like I had freshly shaven, super sexy nuts poking out