revengeance


                    
                    
                

                

                

            

        
    







            

            
            

                

                    
                

                

                    

                        


	

	
    

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    Animals, Books, and Ignorant: A DELTA
 HOFSTETTER/ST
 TSA PRECHK SK
 IR 1 006
 DL 7 21 FEB op
 or server 69A
 DOCS
 BOARDING PASS
 SKY PRIORITY
 HOFSTETTER/STEVEN IR S
 10A
 DLA 21 FEB
 PREM
 LOS ANGELES
 TOKYO-HANEDA
 OPERATED BY DELTA AER LINES TNC
 13

 While walking to my gate at LAX, l noticed a woman whose
 dog was in the middle of doing its business. The woman
 was loudly face-timing with her back to the dog, so l
 assumed she didn't notice. That was likely the thought
 shared by the gentleman who tried to get her attention.
 Excuse me, miss?" he said, in a polite tone. The woman
 glared at him. "Your dog," he sheepishly continued, pointing
 to the mid-poop pup
 The woman rolled her eyes and went back to face time as
 the man slinked away, seemingly embarrassed
 "Some people," she bellowed to her face-time companion
 with no hint of irony, "are just so damned rude
 33
 When her dog finished, the woman started walking away,
 leaving everything right on the airport floor. Another woman
 tried to stop her
 "You're not going to clean that up?" she asked, as shocked
 as the rest of us were
 "They have people for that," the offender replied,
 disappearing into the crowd, as much as someone yelling
 into their phone can disappear into a crowd
 stood near the pile and warned people to walk around it
 while someone else got a maintenance worker's attention.
 No one said anything -we were so shocked that anyone
 could be that horrible

 When I got to my gate, the woman was there, too. Great
 we were both going to Tokyo. When I travel abroad, l get
 embarrassed by other Americans doing things one hundred
 times less embarrassing than leaving animal feces on the
 floor of an airport. To make it worse, her dog was now
 barking at everyone who walked by
 have nothing against people flying with their dogs, l do it
 often. But it is a privilege l take seriously. My dog is well-
 trained and behaves better than most people. He certainly
 behaves better than that asshole
 Speaking of assholes, there is a pet relief area inside LAX
 past security, just two gates away from where The Party
 Pooper let her dog go to town. It didn't matter she was the
 type of person to litter three feet from an empty garbage
 Can
 While her dog barked at the world, the woman had moved
 from face-timing with no headphones to listening to music
 with no headphones. I don't like to throw around the word
 "sociopath" but I don't know how else l could explain just
 how selfish and terrible of a person she was. I'd bet her car
 was somewhere in long-term parking, parked across three
 spots with paint on the bumper from the child's bike she hit
 without leaving a note
 Everyone else tried to ignore her, sitting as far away from
 her as they could. I am not everyone else
 I sat down right next to the horrible woman. "Are you going
 to London on business?
 I said
 "I'm going to Tokyo," she responded gruffly, annoyed that l
 interrupted her DJing

 "Oh, I said. Then you better hurry. That flight got moved to
 gate 53C. This is the flight to London."
 figured l could give her a little moment of panic as
 payback for how terribly she was treating everyone. didn't
 predict what would happen next. She grabbed her bags
 and her dog in a huff, and stormed out of the gate without
 even checking. She was so self-involved, she didn't notice
 that the monitor at our gate still said Tokyo and almost
 everyone at the gate was Japanese
 Based on her actions, she believed me that the fight had
 been moved, so she's also an asshole for not thanking me
 "Some people," I thought as l watched her rush away from
 the gate without stopping her, "are just so damned rude
 The flight to Tokyo was at gate 69A, so the 53 gates were
 on the other side of the next terminal. And felt guilty
 knowing she probably berated some poor clerk who had to
 explain to her that there was no gate 53C
 I don't know if she made it back to this flight before we took
 off or not, but I didn't see her board and I don't hear her
 dog. Her missing her flight Was not my original intention,
 but it would be a fine punishment for her being so rude to
 everyone and making a low-paid stranger clean feces off
 the floor. What makes me wonder if I went too far is the
 knowledge that Delta only has one flight to Tokyo each day.
 Whoops
 Maybe she can re-book on another airline. l hear they have
 people for that
 EDIT For those of you who want to play internet detective
 and demand to see my ticket, I'm a stand-up comedian with
 a show in LA last night
 and a show in Tokyo tonight. But if
 that's not enough for you
 here's my ticket
Comedian plays epic airport prank on nasty woman and kind of gets revenge
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Animals, Books, and Ignorant: A DELTA
 HOFSTETTER/ST
 TSA PRECHK SK
 IR 1 006
 DL 7 21 FEB op
 or server 69A
 DOCS
 BOARDING PASS
 SKY PRIORITY
 HOFSTETTER/STEVEN IR S
 10A
 DLA 21 FEB
 PREM
 LOS ANGELES
 TOKYO-HANEDA
 OPERATED BY DELTA AER LINES TNC
 13

 While walking to my gate at LAX, l noticed a woman whose
 dog was in the middle of doing its business. The woman
 was loudly face-timing with her back to the dog, so l
 assumed she didn't notice. That was likely the thought
 shared by the gentleman who tried to get her attention.
 Excuse me, miss?" he said, in a polite tone. The woman
 glared at him. "Your dog," he sheepishly continued, pointing
 to the mid-poop pup
 The woman rolled her eyes and went back to face time as
 the man slinked away, seemingly embarrassed
 "Some people," she bellowed to her face-time companion
 with no hint of irony, "are just so damned rude
 33
 When her dog finished, the woman started walking away,
 leaving everything right on the airport floor. Another woman
 tried to stop her
 "You're not going to clean that up?" she asked, as shocked
 as the rest of us were
 "They have people for that," the offender replied,
 disappearing into the crowd, as much as someone yelling
 into their phone can disappear into a crowd
 stood near the pile and warned people to walk around it
 while someone else got a maintenance worker's attention.
 No one said anything -we were so shocked that anyone
 could be that horrible

 When I got to my gate, the woman was there, too. Great
 we were both going to Tokyo. When I travel abroad, l get
 embarrassed by other Americans doing things one hundred
 times less embarrassing than leaving animal feces on the
 floor of an airport. To make it worse, her dog was now
 barking at everyone who walked by
 have nothing against people flying with their dogs, l do it
 often. But it is a privilege l take seriously. My dog is well-
 trained and behaves better than most people. He certainly
 behaves better than that asshole
 Speaking of assholes, there is a pet relief area inside LAX
 past security, just two gates away from where The Party
 Pooper let her dog go to town. It didn't matter she was the
 type of person to litter three feet from an empty garbage
 Can
 While her dog barked at the world, the woman had moved
 from face-timing with no headphones to listening to music
 with no headphones. I don't like to throw around the word
 "sociopath" but I don't know how else l could explain just
 how selfish and terrible of a person she was. I'd bet her car
 was somewhere in long-term parking, parked across three
 spots with paint on the bumper from the child's bike she hit
 without leaving a note
 Everyone else tried to ignore her, sitting as far away from
 her as they could. I am not everyone else
 I sat down right next to the horrible woman. "Are you going
 to London on business?
 I said
 "I'm going to Tokyo," she responded gruffly, annoyed that l
 interrupted her DJing

 "Oh, I said. Then you better hurry. That flight got moved to
 gate 53C. This is the flight to London."
 figured l could give her a little moment of panic as
 payback for how terribly she was treating everyone. didn't
 predict what would happen next. She grabbed her bags
 and her dog in a huff, and stormed out of the gate without
 even checking. She was so self-involved, she didn't notice
 that the monitor at our gate still said Tokyo and almost
 everyone at the gate was Japanese
 Based on her actions, she believed me that the fight had
 been moved, so she's also an asshole for not thanking me
 "Some people," I thought as l watched her rush away from
 the gate without stopping her, "are just so damned rude
 The flight to Tokyo was at gate 69A, so the 53 gates were
 on the other side of the next terminal. And felt guilty
 knowing she probably berated some poor clerk who had to
 explain to her that there was no gate 53C
 I don't know if she made it back to this flight before we took
 off or not, but I didn't see her board and I don't hear her
 dog. Her missing her flight Was not my original intention,
 but it would be a fine punishment for her being so rude to
 everyone and making a low-paid stranger clean feces off
 the floor. What makes me wonder if I went too far is the
 knowledge that Delta only has one flight to Tokyo each day.
 Whoops
 Maybe she can re-book on another airline. l hear they have
 people for that
 EDIT For those of you who want to play internet detective
 and demand to see my ticket, I'm a stand-up comedian with
 a show in LA last night
 and a show in Tokyo tonight. But if
 that's not enough for you
 here's my ticket
Comedian plays epic airport prank on nasty woman and kind of gets revenge
                
            

            
            
Comedian plays epic airport prank on nasty woman and kind of gets revenge

            
            
        

    



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            



        

            
        
        

            




    Hockey, Minecraft, and Revenge: So, my daughter, who was about 8 at the time, was REALLY
 Minecraft (as most kids are these days). Also desperately
 into wanting to join the Youtube/Let's Play culture, l had installed
 some screen recording software that would let her make videos
 of the games she was playing so she could later upload them to
 Youtube
 Anyways, one day I'm minding my own business when l hear
 her quietly sniffling over on the computer. asked her what was
 wrong, but she didn't want to tell me so
 I let it go, but decided to
 keep on eye on her. A few minutes later l discovered what was
 happening, someone was harassing not only her, but also all the
 other kids playing on whatever server she was on. This kid (we'll
 call him Little Shithead, or LS) was saying shit about how he
 was going to rape my 8 year old daughter (she told him how old
 she was hoping he would stop), how he was going to hack into
 her IP and steal all her info, swearing profusely (remember, this
 is a game for kids), etc etc. By this time l had gotten my fiance
 involved, and she was also obviously quite upset at what a little
 shit this kid was being. We realized that our daughter had been
 recording the entire incident, and a plan began to form
 I started by googling LS's username. There were several hits
 Immediately, the most interesting of which involved a page
 where he was publicly applying to be a mod for a server on
 Minecraft. I was able to learn a lot about this little POS he
 claimed to be 15, likes hockey, used to live in Toronto but now
 lives in Florida. But the bombshell was easily his skype contact
 info; it was literally firstname.lastname. I know your name now
 you little shit
 So I head over to Facebook and search for the name. Nothing
 Hmmmm. On a hunch l searched for just the last name, while
 narrowing my results to only the state of Florida. Several dozen
 hits. Hmmm. So I have to start combing through each one, until
 find what I was looking for: a middle aged man with the same
 last name, whose profile indicates he was born in Toronto and
 now lives in Florida. I FOUND YOUR DAD, YOU LITTLE SHIT

 other kids playing on whatever server she was on. This kid (we'll
 call him Little Shithead, or LS) was saying shit about how he
 was going to rape my 8 year old daughter (she told him how old
 she was hoping he would stop), how he was going to hack into
 her IP and steal all her info, swearing profusely (remember, this
 is a game for kids), etc etc. By this time l had gotten my fiance
 involved, and she was also obviously quite upset at what a little
 shit this kid was being. We realized that our daughter had been
 recording the entire incident, and a plan began to form
 I started by googling LS's username. There were several hits
 immediately, the most interesting of which involved a page
 where he was publicly applying to be a mod for a server on
 Minecraft. I was able to learn a lot about this little POS: he
 claimed to be 15, likes hockey, used to live in Toronto but now
 lives in Florida. But the bombshell was easily his skype contact
 info, it was literally firstname.lastname. l know your name now
 you little shit
 So I head over to Facebook and search for the name. Nothing
 Hmmmm. On a hunch l searched for just the last name, while
 narrowing my results to only the state of Florida. Several dozen
 hits. Hmmm. So I have to start combing through each one, until
 I find what I was looking for: a middle aged man with the same
 last name, whose profile indicates he was born in Toronto and
 now lives in Florida. I FOUND YOUR DAD, YOU LITTLE SHIT
 So I sent him a message on Facebook, asking if he had a son
 named firstname who goes by his username on Minecraft. Dad
 confirmed had the right guy. So my wife begins telling the dad
 everything that LS was saying to my daughter, and we sent him
 the recorded video as proof. Radio silence for a few days
 Then we got the message back: LS had his computer taken
 away from him for the entire summer, and had also been lying
 about his age (he was only 11, I think). His parents were fucking
 livid with him, and he surely hated the next few months of his
 life
 No one fucks with my daughter
 edit: spelling
op stalks kid and gets revenge
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Hockey, Minecraft, and Revenge: So, my daughter, who was about 8 at the time, was REALLY
 Minecraft (as most kids are these days). Also desperately
 into wanting to join the Youtube/Let's Play culture, l had installed
 some screen recording software that would let her make videos
 of the games she was playing so she could later upload them to
 Youtube
 Anyways, one day I'm minding my own business when l hear
 her quietly sniffling over on the computer. asked her what was
 wrong, but she didn't want to tell me so
 I let it go, but decided to
 keep on eye on her. A few minutes later l discovered what was
 happening, someone was harassing not only her, but also all the
 other kids playing on whatever server she was on. This kid (we'll
 call him Little Shithead, or LS) was saying shit about how he
 was going to rape my 8 year old daughter (she told him how old
 she was hoping he would stop), how he was going to hack into
 her IP and steal all her info, swearing profusely (remember, this
 is a game for kids), etc etc. By this time l had gotten my fiance
 involved, and she was also obviously quite upset at what a little
 shit this kid was being. We realized that our daughter had been
 recording the entire incident, and a plan began to form
 I started by googling LS's username. There were several hits
 Immediately, the most interesting of which involved a page
 where he was publicly applying to be a mod for a server on
 Minecraft. I was able to learn a lot about this little POS he
 claimed to be 15, likes hockey, used to live in Toronto but now
 lives in Florida. But the bombshell was easily his skype contact
 info; it was literally firstname.lastname. I know your name now
 you little shit
 So I head over to Facebook and search for the name. Nothing
 Hmmmm. On a hunch l searched for just the last name, while
 narrowing my results to only the state of Florida. Several dozen
 hits. Hmmm. So I have to start combing through each one, until
 find what I was looking for: a middle aged man with the same
 last name, whose profile indicates he was born in Toronto and
 now lives in Florida. I FOUND YOUR DAD, YOU LITTLE SHIT

 other kids playing on whatever server she was on. This kid (we'll
 call him Little Shithead, or LS) was saying shit about how he
 was going to rape my 8 year old daughter (she told him how old
 she was hoping he would stop), how he was going to hack into
 her IP and steal all her info, swearing profusely (remember, this
 is a game for kids), etc etc. By this time l had gotten my fiance
 involved, and she was also obviously quite upset at what a little
 shit this kid was being. We realized that our daughter had been
 recording the entire incident, and a plan began to form
 I started by googling LS's username. There were several hits
 immediately, the most interesting of which involved a page
 where he was publicly applying to be a mod for a server on
 Minecraft. I was able to learn a lot about this little POS: he
 claimed to be 15, likes hockey, used to live in Toronto but now
 lives in Florida. But the bombshell was easily his skype contact
 info, it was literally firstname.lastname. l know your name now
 you little shit
 So I head over to Facebook and search for the name. Nothing
 Hmmmm. On a hunch l searched for just the last name, while
 narrowing my results to only the state of Florida. Several dozen
 hits. Hmmm. So I have to start combing through each one, until
 I find what I was looking for: a middle aged man with the same
 last name, whose profile indicates he was born in Toronto and
 now lives in Florida. I FOUND YOUR DAD, YOU LITTLE SHIT
 So I sent him a message on Facebook, asking if he had a son
 named firstname who goes by his username on Minecraft. Dad
 confirmed had the right guy. So my wife begins telling the dad
 everything that LS was saying to my daughter, and we sent him
 the recorded video as proof. Radio silence for a few days
 Then we got the message back: LS had his computer taken
 away from him for the entire summer, and had also been lying
 about his age (he was only 11, I think). His parents were fucking
 livid with him, and he surely hated the next few months of his
 life
 No one fucks with my daughter
 edit: spelling
op stalks kid and gets revenge
                
            

            
            
op stalks kid and gets revenge