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    ridden: ORihad Herrma M
 S
youmakemelikecharity:

rock-moms:

vastderp:

gaybuttfuckzone:

deltasniper1000:

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.]

Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them.

THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)

They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.

They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. 

So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. 

“If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.

They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.

They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. 

“Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. 

BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. 

And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.


LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo
 the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not
 sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by 
turning on their side and using them as 
wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” 
their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they
 have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they 
are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold 
water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they 
just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the 
full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless 
floating garbage



i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees


be nice to them they’re doing their best :(

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                ridden: ORihad Herrma M
 S
youmakemelikecharity:

rock-moms:

vastderp:

gaybuttfuckzone:

deltasniper1000:

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.]

Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them.

THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)

They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.

They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. 

So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. 

“If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.

They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.

They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. 

“Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. 

BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. 

And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.


LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo
 the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not
 sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by 
turning on their side and using them as 
wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” 
their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they
 have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they 
are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold 
water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they 
just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the 
full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless 
floating garbage



i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees


be nice to them they’re doing their best :(

                
            

            
            
youmakemelikecharity:

rock-moms:

vastderp:

gaybuttfuckzone:

deltasniper1000:

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate...

            
            
        

    



        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            







    ridden: CAN
 NE
BREAKING: Michael Schumacher is no longer bed-ridden after making progress.
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                ridden: CAN
 NE
BREAKING: Michael Schumacher is no longer bed-ridden after making progress.
                
            

            
            
BREAKING: Michael Schumacher is no longer bed-ridden after making progress.

            
            
        

    



        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            







    ridden: O 4G 14:04
 metalwarrior 22
 orenjikitty
 gogomrbrown
 Follow
 @linativeboy
 Native America was filled with large cities and
 incredible structures yet everyone thinks we
 were all just primitive ppl running around lost
 34

 O 4G 14:04
 34

 Cyn
 @Xhasca
 Follow
 We had pyramids, our own languages,
 calendars and they still called us savages
 .@inativeboy
 Native America was filled with large cities and incredible structures
 yet everyone thinks we were all just primitive ppl running around
 I learned in a Latin Studies class (with a chill white dude
 professor) that when the Europeans first saw Aztedc
 cities they were stunned by the grid. The Aztecs had
 city planning and that there was no rational lay out to
 European cities at the time. No organization.
 34

 O 4G 14:04
 European cities at the time. No organization
 99laundry
 When the Spanish first arrived in Tenochtitlan (novw
 downtown mexico city) they thought they were
 dreaming. They had arrived from incredibly unsanitary
 medieval Europe to a city five times the size of that
 century's london with a working sewage system
 artificial "floating gardens" (chinampas), a grid system,
 and aqueducts providing fresh water. Which wasn't
 even for drinking! Water from the aqueducts was used
 for washing and bathing- they preferred using nearby
 mountain springs for drinking. Hygiene was a huge part
 if their culture, most people bathed twice a day while
 the king bathed at least four times a day. Located on
 an island in the middle of a lake, they used advanced
 causeways to allow access to the mainland that could
 be cut off to let canoes through or to defend the city
 The Spanish saw their buildings and towers and thought
 they were rising out of the water. The city was one of
 the most advanced societies at the time.
 Anyone who thinks that Native Americans were the
 savages instead of the filthy, disease ridden colonizers
 who appeared on their land is a damn fool
 robotsandfrippary
 34

 O 4G 14:04
 mountain springs for drinking. Hygiene was a huge part
 if their culture, most people bathed twice a day while
 the king bathed at least four times a day. Located on
 an island in the middle of a lake, they used advanced
 causeways to allow access to the mainland that could
 be cut off to let canoes through or to defend the city
 The Spanish saw their buildings and towers and thought
 they were rising out of the water. The city was one of
 the most advanced societies at the time.
 Anyone who thinks that Native Americans were the
 savages instead of the filthy, disease ridden colonizers
 who appeared on their land is a damn fool
 robotsandfrippary
 They've also recently discovered a lost Native Americarn
 city in Kansas called Etzanoa It rivals the size of
 Cahokia, which was very Targe as well
 Tullmetalquest
 Makes me happy to see people learn about the culture
 of my country :D
 294,346 notas
 theladyscientist SEGUIR
 34
And then came the Spanish... SMH
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                ridden: O 4G 14:04
 metalwarrior 22
 orenjikitty
 gogomrbrown
 Follow
 @linativeboy
 Native America was filled with large cities and
 incredible structures yet everyone thinks we
 were all just primitive ppl running around lost
 34

 O 4G 14:04
 34

 Cyn
 @Xhasca
 Follow
 We had pyramids, our own languages,
 calendars and they still called us savages
 .@inativeboy
 Native America was filled with large cities and incredible structures
 yet everyone thinks we were all just primitive ppl running around
 I learned in a Latin Studies class (with a chill white dude
 professor) that when the Europeans first saw Aztedc
 cities they were stunned by the grid. The Aztecs had
 city planning and that there was no rational lay out to
 European cities at the time. No organization.
 34

 O 4G 14:04
 European cities at the time. No organization
 99laundry
 When the Spanish first arrived in Tenochtitlan (novw
 downtown mexico city) they thought they were
 dreaming. They had arrived from incredibly unsanitary
 medieval Europe to a city five times the size of that
 century's london with a working sewage system
 artificial "floating gardens" (chinampas), a grid system,
 and aqueducts providing fresh water. Which wasn't
 even for drinking! Water from the aqueducts was used
 for washing and bathing- they preferred using nearby
 mountain springs for drinking. Hygiene was a huge part
 if their culture, most people bathed twice a day while
 the king bathed at least four times a day. Located on
 an island in the middle of a lake, they used advanced
 causeways to allow access to the mainland that could
 be cut off to let canoes through or to defend the city
 The Spanish saw their buildings and towers and thought
 they were rising out of the water. The city was one of
 the most advanced societies at the time.
 Anyone who thinks that Native Americans were the
 savages instead of the filthy, disease ridden colonizers
 who appeared on their land is a damn fool
 robotsandfrippary
 34

 O 4G 14:04
 mountain springs for drinking. Hygiene was a huge part
 if their culture, most people bathed twice a day while
 the king bathed at least four times a day. Located on
 an island in the middle of a lake, they used advanced
 causeways to allow access to the mainland that could
 be cut off to let canoes through or to defend the city
 The Spanish saw their buildings and towers and thought
 they were rising out of the water. The city was one of
 the most advanced societies at the time.
 Anyone who thinks that Native Americans were the
 savages instead of the filthy, disease ridden colonizers
 who appeared on their land is a damn fool
 robotsandfrippary
 They've also recently discovered a lost Native Americarn
 city in Kansas called Etzanoa It rivals the size of
 Cahokia, which was very Targe as well
 Tullmetalquest
 Makes me happy to see people learn about the culture
 of my country :D
 294,346 notas
 theladyscientist SEGUIR
 34
And then came the Spanish... SMH
                
            

            
            
And then came the Spanish... SMH

            
            
        

    



        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            






        

        
        

            







    ridden: SOME HUSTLE TO BE SEEN...
 I GRIND TO DISAPPEAR
Repost | Reminder 👇@theearthmomma | I'm not better than you because I reject materiality. But I've lived on both sides of the tracks. Society's obsession with materiality is sad to witness. I was raised with parents dripping in money and I hated it because they were miserable people. True story. I remember my mom snorting cocaine in the back of our limo while I was dumped off with random relatives or friends. I should write a book. Anyways. Large houses with daily water used to quench giant grass lawns instead of fresh gardens that could feed the neighborhood with organic, high vibrational foods. I see houses similar to the top picture and I see a waste of space. And you could knock on any of their doors and ask if they've helped the poor out of poverty and they'd say, "why? I worked hard for this money. If they want wealth they should work for it like I did." That's a poor heart. Richness lives in the heart. And the truth is, our system is designed to keep us in poverty because a poverty ridden culture is easier to control. The need to show one's bank account to the world by buying houses like that is attachment to ego and insecurity. And trust me, that Coach bag and Mercedes that you're dreaming of will only make you feel good for about four days. They don't cure a sad soul. But finishing a dope hike or going camping does. Proof that nature is where we are meant to be. duh bighouse offgrid farming gardens wealth rich gucci prada coachbag mercedes dilutethepower wakeupyo 3rdeyeopener fullguru theawakening theshift truthseekers knowledge sunday stuff things thoughts obsession think woke knowledgeispower new
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                ridden: SOME HUSTLE TO BE SEEN...
 I GRIND TO DISAPPEAR
Repost | Reminder 👇@theearthmomma | I'm not better than you because I reject materiality. But I've lived on both sides of the tracks. Society's obsession with materiality is sad to witness. I was raised with parents dripping in money and I hated it because they were miserable people. True story. I remember my mom snorting cocaine in the back of our limo while I was dumped off with random relatives or friends. I should write a book. Anyways. Large houses with daily water used to quench giant grass lawns instead of fresh gardens that could feed the neighborhood with organic, high vibrational foods. I see houses similar to the top picture and I see a waste of space. And you could knock on any of their doors and ask if they've helped the poor out of poverty and they'd say, "why? I worked hard for this money. If they want wealth they should work for it like I did." That's a poor heart. Richness lives in the heart. And the truth is, our system is designed to keep us in poverty because a poverty ridden culture is easier to control. The need to show one's bank account to the world by buying houses like that is attachment to ego and insecurity. And trust me, that Coach bag and Mercedes that you're dreaming of will only make you feel good for about four days. They don't cure a sad soul. But finishing a dope hike or going camping does. Proof that nature is where we are meant to be. duh bighouse offgrid farming gardens wealth rich gucci prada coachbag mercedes dilutethepower wakeupyo 3rdeyeopener fullguru theawakening theshift truthseekers knowledge sunday stuff things thoughts obsession think woke knowledgeispower new
                
            

            
            
Repost | Reminder 👇@theearthmomma | I'm not better than you because I reject materiality. But I've lived on both sides of the tracks. Soc...