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Amazon, Facebook, and Family: Agriculture Nature bogleech: revretch: awed-frog: Prairies are some of the most endangered ecosystems in the world, with the tallgrass prairie being the most endangered. Only 1-4% of tallgrass prairie still exists. Prairies are critically important, not only for the unique biodiversity they possess, but for their effect on climate. The ability to store carbon is a valuable ecological service in today’s changing climate. Carbon, which is emitted both naturally and by human activities such as burning coal to create electricity, is a greenhouse gas that is increasing in the Earth’s atmosphere. Reports from the International Panel on Climate Change, a group of more than 2,000 climate scientists from around the world, agree that increased greenhouse gases are causing climate change, which is leading to sea level rise, higher temperatures, and altered rain patterns. Most of the prairie’s carbon sequestration happens below ground, where prairie roots can dig into the soil to depths up to 15 feet and more. Prairies can store much more carbon below ground than a forest can store above ground. In fact, the prairie was once the largest carbon sink in the world-much bigger than the Amazon rainforest-and its destruction has had devastating effects. [source] I just have to add–that extensive root system? It’s not just how the plant eats, and how it keeps itself from getting pulled out of the ground during storms, or dying when its aboveground portion is eaten… it’s how it talks to its friends and family, how it shares food with its friends and family, and more than likely, how it thinks. That’s a whole plant brain we’ve domesticated away, leaving a helpless organism that has trouble figuring out when it’s under attack by pests, what to do about it, has very little in the way of chemical defense so it can do something about it, and can’t even warn its neighbors. Even apart from the ecological concerns, what we’ve done is honestly pretty cruel. Here’s some more articles on this too!https://www.theguardian.com/science/2018/may/02/plants-talk-to-each-other-through-their-rootshttp://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20141111-plants-have-a-hidden-internethttps://www.the-scientist.com/features/plant-talk-38209Whether or not you think this should qualify as a form of “intelligence” as we know it (which in itself as a pretty nebulous and poorly defined thing), plants exhibit complicated interactive behaviors that help them grow and thrive, and the way we harvest a lot of them for our produce just doesn’t even give them a chance to reach their maturity and begin trading nutrients the way they’re supposed to.
Amazon, Facebook, and Family: Agriculture
 Nature
bogleech:

revretch:
awed-frog:



Prairies are some of the most endangered ecosystems in the world, with the tallgrass prairie being the most endangered. Only 1-4% of tallgrass prairie still exists. Prairies are critically important, not only for the unique biodiversity they possess, but for their effect on climate. The ability to store carbon is a valuable ecological service in today’s changing climate. Carbon, which is emitted both naturally and by human activities such as burning coal to create electricity, is a greenhouse gas that is increasing in the Earth’s atmosphere. Reports from the International Panel on Climate Change, a group of more than 2,000 climate scientists from around the world, agree that increased greenhouse gases are causing climate change, which is leading to sea level rise, higher temperatures, and altered rain patterns. Most of the prairie’s carbon sequestration happens below ground, where prairie roots can dig into the soil to depths up to 15 feet and more. Prairies can store much more carbon below ground than a forest can store above ground. In fact, the prairie was once the largest carbon sink in the world-much bigger than the Amazon rainforest-and its destruction has had devastating effects.


[source]

I just have to add–that extensive root system? It’s not just how the plant eats, and how it keeps itself from getting pulled out of the ground during storms, or dying when its aboveground portion is eaten… it’s how it talks to its friends and family, how it shares food with its friends and family, and more than likely, how it thinks. That’s a whole plant brain we’ve domesticated away, leaving a helpless organism that has trouble figuring out when it’s under attack by pests, what to do about it, has very little in the way of chemical defense so it can do something about it, and can’t even warn its neighbors. Even apart from the ecological concerns, what we’ve done is honestly pretty cruel.

Here’s some more articles on this too!https://www.theguardian.com/science/2018/may/02/plants-talk-to-each-other-through-their-rootshttp://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20141111-plants-have-a-hidden-internethttps://www.the-scientist.com/features/plant-talk-38209Whether or not you think this should qualify as a form of “intelligence” as we know it (which in itself as a pretty nebulous and poorly defined thing), plants exhibit complicated interactive behaviors that help them grow and thrive, and the way we harvest a lot of them for our produce just doesn’t even give them a chance to reach their maturity and begin trading nutrients the way they’re supposed to.

bogleech: revretch: awed-frog: Prairies are some of the most endangered ecosystems in the world, with the tallgrass prairie being the mo...

Lit, Spider, and Vine: THE POCKET ENCY CLOPEDIA OF INDOOR PLANTS IN COLOR A. Nicolaisen urdy, have 10 erect trunk with site,shieland holes. From the stems, large Philodendron scander Growth: Vigorous clim while very small on en leaves on long ield-like leaves unches of hanging aerial roots are formed. Older plants may, under favour Sweetheart Vine able conditions in conservatories or Habitat: West Indies. hothouses, develop large, calla-like G inforescences with white spathes. Later, with pointed, heart-shap s with dots and pale yellow and pale ultivated as a young plant and en. C carded when the bottom leaves are d, its value as an ornamental plant i s debatable e: Best in a warm greenhouse, o good in a room after careful har ing off. Thrives for a time in dee g off. Thom after caou but aromatic edible fruits appear, which de. Requires a lot of space. 1S grow to lengths of 30 cr have a taste similar to that of a pine- specimens. New leave brown and almost trans Use: Decorative room plant, requiring a lot of space. Suitable for trellising to l: Soilless mixture or light leaf mould ding: 3 grams per litre (1 oz. per ter: Should be kept moist all the year ht: Never direct sunlight. Thrives in Use: Well suited as cli alls, doorways and large windows. Soil: Soilless mixture with added peat. pH Feeding: 3 gram gallon) every Fertiliser sh moist soil trellises or walls or as a plant, also as a ground rvatories. An amusin s to allow the pla enveloped in mois soil on) every week (March-October). nd. Will not stand drying out. dy rooms, halls or staircases. t: Poor growth if temperature falls w minimum 15° C. (60° F.) during er st attractive and amount in t ss mixture rams per Frequent spraying. especially in lit positions, the spots and edges. Heat: Normal room temp not less than 12° C. (55° F Air: Syringe during gro up to very good centrall he Re-potting: Every 3 orA years Propagation: By cuttig top shoots with the aerial roots atta hed. They should be planted in equal arts of soilless mi:x ее ai otting: Every spring, in spacious agation: By cuttings in a green in an enclosed atmosphere, with e Mealy bug, red spider mite ially when the growing point is ri it e and sand, and must be kept moist and warm Varieties: borsig ina (but correctly Monstera pertus, which has smaller eaves and mor aerial roots than the type, and grows ore rapidly and vigor- ously. Can al be used in smaller rooms. This is e variety illustrated. NOTE: Aerial pots, which--like ordin ary rootss ve as ducts for transmit The sap in the leaves and stems is nous varieties: There are many hybrids this and other species with a variation in the distribution of en rs in the leaves. See also below. enbachia leopoldii
Lit, Spider, and Vine: THE POCKET
 ENCY CLOPEDIA OF
 INDOOR PLANTS
 IN COLOR
 A. Nicolaisen

 urdy,
 have
 10
 erect trunk with
 site,shieland holes. From the stems, large Philodendron scander
 Growth: Vigorous clim
 while very small on
 en leaves on long
 ield-like leaves
 unches of hanging aerial roots are
 formed. Older plants may, under favour Sweetheart Vine
 able conditions in conservatories or Habitat: West Indies.
 hothouses, develop large, calla-like G
 inforescences with white spathes. Later, with pointed, heart-shap
 s with dots and
 pale yellow and pale
 ultivated as a young plant and
 en. C
 carded when the bottom leaves are
 d, its value as an ornamental plant i
 s debatable
 e: Best in a warm greenhouse,
 o good in a room after careful har
 ing off. Thrives for a time in dee
 g off. Thom after caou but aromatic edible fruits appear, which
 de. Requires a lot of space.
 1S
 grow to lengths of 30 cr
 have a taste similar to that of a pine-
 specimens. New leave
 brown and almost trans
 Use: Decorative room plant, requiring a
 lot of space. Suitable for trellising to
 l: Soilless mixture or light leaf mould
 ding: 3 grams per litre (1 oz. per
 ter: Should be kept moist all the year
 ht: Never direct sunlight. Thrives in
 Use: Well suited as cli
 alls, doorways and large windows.
 Soil: Soilless mixture
 with added peat. pH
 Feeding: 3 gram
 gallon) every
 Fertiliser sh
 moist soil
 trellises or walls or as a
 plant, also as a ground
 rvatories. An amusin
 s to allow the pla
 enveloped in mois
 soil
 on) every week (March-October).
 nd. Will not stand drying out.
 dy rooms, halls or staircases.
 t: Poor growth if temperature falls
 w minimum 15° C. (60° F.) during
 er
 st attractive and
 amount in t
 ss mixture
 rams per
 Frequent spraying. especially in
 lit positions, the
 spots and edges.
 Heat: Normal room temp
 not less than 12° C. (55° F
 Air: Syringe during gro
 up to very good centrall he
 Re-potting: Every 3 orA years
 Propagation: By cuttig top shoots with
 the aerial roots atta hed. They should
 be planted in equal arts of soilless mi:x
 ее
 ai
 otting: Every spring, in spacious
 agation:
 By cuttings in a green
 in an enclosed atmosphere, with
 e
 Mealy bug, red spider mite
 ially when the growing point is
 ri
 it
 e and sand, and must be kept moist
 and warm
 Varieties: borsig ina (but correctly
 Monstera pertus, which has smaller
 eaves and mor aerial roots than the
 type, and grows ore rapidly and vigor-
 ously. Can al be used in smaller
 rooms. This is e variety illustrated.
 NOTE: Aerial pots, which--like ordin
 ary rootss ve as ducts for transmit
 The sap in the leaves and stems is
 nous
 varieties: There are many hybrids
 this and other species with a
 variation in the distribution of
 en
 rs in the leaves. See also below.
 enbachia leopoldii
Animals, Bad, and Books: stardewfairy stardew valley gothic .the time passes so quickly yet so slowly. it's been a week, it's been months, it's been years. you do not age. nobody ages. the children don't grow up. you start forgetting everything about your life before you live here. you've always lived heree when it rains, you hear strange faraway howls and screams that fill you with primal terror. you never stay outside for long on rainy days your crops grow within days. you plant seeds in the ground. ten days later, the fields are overgrown with corn you find things when you dig in the dirt. roots, clay, stone. books skulls that don't look like they belong to any animal you know there are only two channels on tv. the weather and the fortune teller. it doesn't matter when you turn it on, the weather program is only just starting. it will be sunny tomorrow" the weatherman says with empty eyes and a too-wide smile. you flip to the fortune teller's channel. "the spirits are in a bad mood today" she says, "be careful you shiver, and decide not to go to the mines today .have you always been so strong? you can chop down a tree in minutes and you can carry hundreds of stones in your backpack. .you wake up at exactly 6 every morning. you can't wake up earlier, or later sometimes your scarecrows are not planted where they were yesterday .you hear whispers in the old community center. you can almost seee something indiscernable out of the corner of your eye. you bring offerings, hoping to appease the spirits, today it's winter you swear two days ago it was summer the berries you found in the woods have a strange metallic taste their juices stain your mouth red. you keep eating them anyway .nobody ages. nobody ages. nobody ages. what year is it? you keep bringing offerings in the old community center. honey milk, wine, peaches, dead animals. there are never enough offerings the fruit bats that live in the small cave near your house leave fruit for you. they bring you out of season fruit, exotic fruit, fruit that comes from halfway across the world, fruit that you've never seen before .the wizard granted you the power to understand the spirits that live in the old community center. now you wish he hadn't. every night when you get home, you lock the door and close the windows. every morning when you wake up, your cat is somehow inside the house .the train passes through stardew valley sometimes, but never stops. you can hear howls coming from it. you try talking to the people in the village, but they always seem to be repeating the same things. "do you have any blueberries?", asks lewis for the 14th time this month there are things in the mines. don't go into the mines we're insulated from the rest of the world here savs demetrius now that you think of it, you have never received a letter or a phone call from the outside world. is there even an outside world? there is a bath house, north of the town. there is never anyone there, but the electricity works and the water runs. when you enter the locker room, there is a bathing suit just your size waiting for you the water in the big bath is milky. you can't see the bottom. you enter it anyway. when you exit, you feel happy and energised. you have nothing to worry about. come back soon! . the bus to calico desert is out of service. the road to calico desert is out of service. do not go to calico desert. do not ask about calico desert. do no think about calico desert. there is no calico desert. you are out late at night, gathering berries. at exactly two am, something knocks you out. you wake up in your bed the following morning. don't think about it. go to sleep you try staying up past two am the following night, only to be knocked out again. go to sleep. go to sleep. go to sleep you have been here for a couple of weeks, or maybe for decades nothing changes. you can't die. you can't die. you can't die Source: stardewfairy 5,000 notes In the Valley of Stars
Animals, Bad, and Books: stardewfairy
 stardew valley gothic
 .the time passes so quickly yet so slowly. it's been a week, it's been
 months, it's been years. you do not age. nobody ages. the children
 don't grow up. you start forgetting everything about your life before
 you live here. you've always lived heree
 when it rains, you hear strange faraway howls and screams that fill
 you with primal terror. you never stay outside for long on rainy days
 your crops grow within days. you plant seeds in the ground. ten
 days later, the fields are overgrown with corn
 you find things when you dig in the dirt. roots, clay, stone. books
 skulls that don't look like they belong to any animal you know
 there are only two channels on tv. the weather and the fortune
 teller. it doesn't matter when you turn it on, the weather program is
 only just starting. it will be sunny tomorrow" the weatherman says
 with empty eyes and a too-wide smile. you flip to the fortune teller's
 channel. "the spirits are in a bad mood today" she says, "be careful
 you shiver, and decide not to go to the mines today
 .have you always been so strong? you can chop down a tree in
 minutes and you can carry hundreds of stones in your backpack.
 .you wake up at exactly 6 every morning. you can't wake up earlier,
 or later
 sometimes your scarecrows are not planted where they were
 yesterday
 .you hear whispers in the old community center. you can almost seee
 something indiscernable out of the corner of your eye. you bring
 offerings, hoping to appease the spirits, today it's winter you swear
 two days ago it was summer
 the berries you found in the woods have a strange metallic taste
 their juices stain your mouth red. you keep eating them anyway
 .nobody ages. nobody ages. nobody ages. what year is it?
 you keep bringing offerings in the old community center. honey
 milk, wine, peaches, dead animals. there are never enough offerings
 the fruit bats that live in the small cave near your house leave fruit
 for you. they bring you out of season fruit, exotic fruit, fruit that comes
 from halfway across the world, fruit that you've never seen before
 .the wizard granted you the power to understand the spirits that live
 in the old community center. now you wish he hadn't.
 every night when you get home, you lock the door and close the
 windows. every morning when you wake up, your cat is somehow
 inside the house
 .the train passes through stardew valley sometimes, but never
 stops. you can hear howls coming from it.
 you try talking to the people in the village, but they always seem to
 be repeating the same things. "do you have any blueberries?", asks
 lewis for the 14th time this month
 there are things in the mines. don't go into the mines
 we're insulated from the rest of the world here savs demetrius
 now that you think of it, you have never received a letter or a phone
 call from the outside world. is there even an outside world?
 there is a bath house, north of the town. there is never anyone
 there, but the electricity works and the water runs. when you enter
 the locker room, there is a bathing suit just your size waiting for you
 the water in the big bath is milky. you can't see the bottom. you enter
 it anyway. when you exit, you feel happy and energised. you have
 nothing to worry about. come back soon!
 . the bus to calico desert is out of service. the road to calico desert is
 out of service. do not go to calico desert. do not ask about calico
 desert. do no think about calico desert. there is no calico desert.
 you are out late at night, gathering berries. at exactly two am,
 something knocks you out. you wake up in your bed the following
 morning. don't think about it. go to sleep
 you try staying up past two am the following night, only to be
 knocked out again. go to sleep. go to sleep. go to sleep
 you have been here for a couple of weeks, or maybe for decades
 nothing changes. you can't die. you can't die. you can't die
 Source: stardewfairy
 5,000 notes
In the Valley of Stars

In the Valley of Stars

Target, youtube.com, and Classroom: #FALLONTON I KNOW I CAN Jimmy and The Roots teamed up with Shawn Mendes for a Classroom Instruments rendition of “Treat You Better!”
Target, youtube.com, and Classroom:  #FALLONTON
 I KNOW I CAN
Jimmy and The Roots teamed up with Shawn Mendes for a Classroom Instruments rendition of “Treat You Better!”

Jimmy and The Roots teamed up with Shawn Mendes for a Classroom Instruments rendition of “Treat You Better!”

Celtic, Grandma, and Queen Elizabeth: siniristiriita siniristiriita Stuff my chemistry teacher has started telling us about because he got distracted 1. The role of building pyramids on the maintenance of the cultural stability of ancient Egypt 2. The exact way that a molotov cocktail works against a tank 3. How a number of different modernly extinct or preventable illnesses affected European culture at their time (multiple occasions) 4. The evolutionary explanation as to why middle-european alcohol culture differs from eastern-european one 5. How climate zones work 6. How the camera was invented 7. Stories relating to wars fought in Europe between the 15th and 21st centuries (multiple occasions) 8. How allergies are born, and why they happen 9. Horoscopes and the differences between astrology and astronomy 10. Astrophysics (multiple occasions) 11. The arabic alphabet 12. The invention of milk chocolate 13. How the man who founded the LIDL supermarket chain used to be his grandmother's subtenant 14. Greek, anglo-saxon and egyptian mythology (multiple occasions) 15. The multiverse theory, and how technically speaking we might never meet aliens because we do not exist to them 16. How counting with your fingers affects the structure of math 17. The private lives of the Nobel brothers (multiple occasions) 18. The inherently catholic roots of the flag of the European Union, and general history of catholic iconography 19. How so many celtic traditions have found their way to Finland 20. All the places he has seen whale meat 21. How queen Victoria and queen Elizabeth respectively rose to power 22. The effects of hallucinogens on ancient religions (multiple occasions) 23. How women's shorter skirts and men ceasing to spit on floors indoors helped to stop the rampant spread of tuberculosis (related to #3 but he went on for 30 minutes about this one) 24. The Westermarck-effect and why it didn't apply to Egyptian pharaohs 25. The moonshine business his grandma used to run in the 40s 26. The effects of meat-eating on the human brain These are all from four weeks of classes in basic chem, where we are supposed to be learning how to read the periodic table and stuff 81 notes Chemistry
Celtic, Grandma, and Queen Elizabeth: siniristiriita
 siniristiriita
 Stuff my chemistry teacher has started telling us about because he got
 distracted
 1. The role of building pyramids on the maintenance of the cultural stability
 of ancient Egypt
 2. The exact way that a molotov cocktail works against a tank
 3. How a number of different modernly extinct or preventable illnesses
 affected European culture at their time (multiple occasions)
 4. The evolutionary explanation as to why middle-european alcohol culture
 differs from eastern-european one
 5. How climate zones work
 6. How the camera was invented
 7. Stories relating to wars fought in Europe between the 15th and 21st
 centuries (multiple occasions)
 8. How allergies are born, and why they happen
 9. Horoscopes and the differences between astrology and astronomy
 10. Astrophysics (multiple occasions)
 11. The arabic alphabet
 12. The invention of milk chocolate
 13. How the man who founded the LIDL supermarket chain used to be his
 grandmother's subtenant
 14. Greek, anglo-saxon and egyptian mythology (multiple occasions)
 15. The multiverse theory, and how technically speaking we might never
 meet aliens because we do not exist to them
 16. How counting with your fingers affects the structure of math
 17. The private lives of the Nobel brothers (multiple occasions)
 18. The inherently catholic roots of the flag of the European Union, and
 general history of catholic iconography
 19. How so many celtic traditions have found their way to Finland
 20. All the places he has seen whale meat
 21. How queen Victoria and queen Elizabeth respectively rose to power
 22. The effects of hallucinogens on ancient religions (multiple occasions)
 23. How women's shorter skirts and men ceasing to spit on floors indoors
 helped to stop the rampant spread of tuberculosis (related to #3 but he
 went on for 30 minutes about this one)
 24. The Westermarck-effect and why it didn't apply to Egyptian pharaohs
 25. The moonshine business his grandma used to run in the 40s
 26. The effects of meat-eating on the human brain
 These are all from four weeks of classes in basic chem, where we are
 supposed to be learning how to read the periodic table and stuff
 81 notes
Chemistry

Chemistry

Be Like, Club, and Fake: a tale of trees and espionage okay story time: my professor (lovely man, married to our TA, 52", about as So studies trees. it was about three hours into our social sciences course, last lecture before exams, everyone was frazzled and exhausted, so he told us about his most exciting/in-depth research to date to cheer us up. (the few of us who actually showed up were like ok sir im sure its fascinating but in our minds we were totally like its trees what. is. exciting. about trees. You might be wondering the same thing-the acorns? the leaves? the roots? BUT NO. IMMA FUCKIN TELL YA.) ANYWAY we settle in, he had a few pictures loaded up from his field work (we were chuckling at this point.... 'hehehe field work' i giggled to my frend. its trees.) and began to tell his tale. it's long, imma warn you, but.... god. just read it theres an species of tree called the cucumber tree(Magnolia in our region there's only-280 that are registered by the government, yadda yadda yadda, my prof thought that was tragic (i know) but also strange, because when he was writing his thesis about local trees years ago, he kept coming across cucumber trees in really random places. we're talking like etc. IMPOSSIBLE because, according to tree very strictly protected by the govenment, and thus super legai to possess, transport, collect, buy or sell any part of a living or dead member of a listed species if it originates from sources. essentially, the govt takes control over g the trees and anyone who independently raises them is breaking the law (i kno) so he'd ask people "do you have a permit for these trees?" and they were like "uh no, it's just a tree someone sold me,i think it looks nice, are you gonna arrest me?" so he'd be like nah nah nah just tell me who sold it to you" eventually, months/years later, someone did, and turns out it was like this underground sort-of illegal tree dealing club (i know). so my prof went, got a bit of funding from the government, who were getting pissed at independent cucumber tree numbers, and THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTO THE GOOD SHIT I STS he infitrates the tree trafficking organization. he buys a cucumber tree from an independent nursery, raises it for months, ensures he gets noticed by the traffickers, and then INFILTRATES it and convinces its leader to LET HIM JOIN he has to pay like a steep entrance fee, which he does (and it blows my mind that the government of my country paid money to illegal tree dealers), but then he is given full access to records and maps because they think he's one of them, not now this part blows my mind because the tree lords don't even have to try very hard to find cucumber trees because government agents MARK THE TREES AND DISTINCTLY TAG THEM SAYING THIS IS ENDANGERED DO NOT hangs out with the members so much that he figures out their hit spots". these are where the trees are relatively secluded and unguarded. (he writes all this shit and numbers down for BUT THATS NOT ENOUGH BECAUSE THE GOVT SAYS HES WASTING THEIR FUNDING IF HE DOESNT HAVE PROOF and they are willing to take LEGAL ACTION for misuse of funding (my prof doesn't have the money nore time nor power to take them to court, which would also blow his cover). so my prof literally STAKES OUT a copse of cucumber trees at a recognized wildlife reserve for. DAYS. he camps there, and watches the trees, is about to give up, he's going off an unreliable rumor from the traffickers that a harvester would be going there within the next week. finally, this guy comes and takes the cucumber tree seeds from the CLEARLY MARKED trees by the government, and my prof takes pictures (we are shown these pictures, most of us are speechless at this point). dozens of candid shots of a man my grandpa's age with a grocery store bag, garden shears, and a ladder, clipping away the illegal seeds and then going on his way so my prof has the proof, he's been undercover for months now at this point, he writes up his report, gives it to the government who is likeoh shit", helps them draft up a new LESS COMPLETELY FUCKING OBVious way of marking e wouldn't damage them further, etc.), and then never retuns to the tree traffickers. he'd given them a fake name, address, (so that way there was a full minute of stunned silence from us students at this point, during which he grew more and more nervous (again, he's a muffin) and all of us students are just like whoa. we asked him what happened to the remaining illegal cucumber trees & if he turned the tree dealers in to the government, and that is when he smiles a little bit and shows us the last few pictures. because here's the kicker... he never turned the smugglers in. he burned all the data he collected, defied the government pressuring him to turn them in, and the only reason he's not incarcerated is because his work is so prominent in certain circles now & universities love him, that there would be an uproar if he got arrested. he's like a fucking anti-hero and then he tells us (ill never forget, it's the most inspirational green-thumb thing in the world) "it may be illegal', but those who risk their liberty to-save the world- should never be reprimanded, no matter what we are all stunned. some of us are considering dendrology as a field we'd now be interested in pursuing. he clicks his slide one final time, before we leave our last lecture and, since he had an asthma attack (lil muffin) he didn't attend our exam, so and there, on the slides, the last picture? THERE HE IS. in his own backyard. with his equally lovely TA wife. both grinning GROWN. ILLEGAL. CUCUMBER TREE 72,767 Tree espionage
Be Like, Club, and Fake: a tale of trees and
 espionage
 okay story time:
 my professor (lovely man, married to our TA, 52", about as
 So
 studies trees. it was about three hours into our social
 sciences course, last lecture before exams, everyone was
 frazzled and exhausted, so he told us about his most
 exciting/in-depth research to date to cheer us up.
 (the few of us who actually showed up were like ok sir im
 sure its fascinating but in our minds we were totally like its
 trees what. is. exciting. about trees. You might be wondering
 the same thing-the acorns? the leaves? the roots? BUT NO.
 IMMA FUCKIN TELL YA.)
 ANYWAY we settle in, he had a few pictures loaded up from
 his field work (we were chuckling at this point.... 'hehehe field
 work' i giggled to my frend. its trees.) and began to tell his
 tale. it's long, imma warn you, but.... god. just read it
 theres an species of tree called the cucumber tree(Magnolia
 in our region there's only-280 that are registered by the
 government, yadda yadda yadda, my prof thought that was
 tragic (i know) but also strange, because when he was writing
 his thesis about local trees years ago, he kept coming across
 cucumber trees in really random places. we're talking like
 etc.
 IMPOSSIBLE because, according to tree
 very strictly protected by the govenment, and thus super
 legai to possess, transport, collect, buy or sell any part of a
 living or dead member of a listed species if it originates from
 sources. essentially, the govt takes control over g
 the trees and anyone who independently raises them is
 breaking the law (i kno)
 so he'd ask people "do you have a permit for these trees?"
 and they were like "uh no, it's just a tree someone sold me,i
 think it looks nice, are you gonna arrest me?" so he'd be like
 nah nah nah just tell me who sold it to you"
 eventually, months/years later, someone did, and turns out it
 was like this underground sort-of illegal tree dealing club
 (i know). so my prof went, got a bit of funding from the
 government, who were getting pissed at independent
 cucumber tree numbers, and THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTO
 THE GOOD SHIT I STS
 he infitrates the tree trafficking organization. he buys a
 cucumber tree from an independent nursery, raises it for
 months, ensures he gets noticed by the traffickers, and then
 INFILTRATES it and convinces its leader to LET HIM JOIN
 he has to pay like a steep entrance fee, which he does (and it
 blows my mind that the government of my country paid
 money to illegal tree dealers), but then he is given full access
 to records and maps because they think he's one of them, not
 now this part blows my mind because the tree lords don't
 even have to try very hard to find cucumber trees because
 government agents MARK THE TREES AND DISTINCTLY
 TAG THEM SAYING THIS IS ENDANGERED DO NOT
 hangs out with the members so much that he figures out their
 hit spots". these are where the trees are relatively secluded
 and unguarded. (he writes all this shit and numbers down for
 BUT THATS NOT ENOUGH BECAUSE THE GOVT SAYS
 HES WASTING THEIR FUNDING IF HE DOESNT HAVE
 PROOF and they are willing to take LEGAL ACTION for
 misuse of funding (my prof doesn't have the money nore time
 nor power to take them to court, which would also blow his
 cover). so my prof literally STAKES OUT a copse of
 cucumber trees at a recognized wildlife reserve for. DAYS. he
 camps there, and watches the trees, is about to give up, he's
 going off an unreliable rumor from the traffickers that a
 harvester would be going there within the next week. finally,
 this guy comes and takes the cucumber tree seeds from the
 CLEARLY MARKED trees by the government, and my prof
 takes pictures (we are shown these pictures, most of us are
 speechless at this point). dozens of candid shots of a man my
 grandpa's age with a grocery store bag, garden shears, and a
 ladder, clipping away the illegal seeds and then going on his
 way
 so my prof has the proof, he's been undercover for months
 now at this point, he writes up his report, gives it to the
 government who is likeoh shit", helps them draft up a
 new LESS COMPLETELY FUCKING OBVious way of
 marking e
 wouldn't damage them further, etc.), and then never retuns to
 the tree traffickers. he'd given them a fake name, address,
 (so that way
 there was a full minute of stunned silence from us students
 at this point, during which he grew more and more nervous
 (again, he's a muffin) and all of us students are just like
 whoa. we asked him what happened to the remaining illegal
 cucumber trees & if he turned the tree dealers in to the
 government, and that is when he smiles a little bit and shows
 us the last few pictures. because here's the kicker... he never
 turned the smugglers in. he burned all the data he
 collected, defied the government pressuring him to turn them
 in, and the only reason he's not incarcerated is because his
 work is so prominent in certain circles now & universities love
 him, that there would be an uproar if he got arrested. he's like
 a fucking anti-hero and then he tells us (ill never forget, it's
 the most inspirational green-thumb thing in the world) "it may
 be illegal', but those who risk their liberty to-save the
 world- should never be reprimanded, no matter what
 we are all stunned. some of us are considering dendrology as
 a field we'd now be interested in pursuing. he clicks his slide
 one final time, before we leave our last lecture and, since he
 had an asthma attack (lil muffin) he didn't attend our exam, so
 and there, on the slides, the last picture? THERE HE IS. in his
 own backyard. with his equally lovely TA wife. both grinning
 GROWN. ILLEGAL. CUCUMBER
 TREE
 72,767
Tree espionage

Tree espionage