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Af, Blessed, and Emoji: The best surprise passenger you can have next to you on a flight @DrSmashlove Now see bruv this used to be my favorite emoji: πŸ€—. He go by many names. Some call him Johnny Jazz Hands. I happen to call him Lil Smashington the IV, Chief Cheek Inspector, Sargeant Spreader the Nani Deader. U feel me? That’s what he doing. Opening them cheeks and delightedly admiring and inhaling the contents πŸ€—. But Lil Smashington has competition, bruv. Major competition. Because his Uncle Jameson Worthington VI of South Cambridgeshire bruv? Or Lil James Worthy aka the Monocle Maestro aka Scotland Yard’s Inspector of the Interior bruv? He ain’t just opening and peeking, bruv. Unc is inspecting every fold 🧐. Every skretch mark 🧐. Every lil cellulite dot 🧐. If he so much as spots an in-grown hair he gon annotate it in his Most Profitable and Efficient Bird Watching Journal; A Chronicle of Uncle Worthy’s Travels and Conquests, in which he records birds he sees in the wild such as cardinals and robin red breasts as well as birds he encounters in the bedroom 🧐. Lil Smashington basic AF bruv he get in the cheeks and he like β€œyum, sweet as sugar cane 😍.” Nah. Hells nah. Unc gon take a single taste and then fetch his notebook and quill pen and record the flavor notes for posterity: β€œSeventh of December, Two Thousand and Seventeen years after the birth of The Blessed Son of Mary. Name: Stephanie Smith. Age: approximately two score and three. Height: roughly one and one half oak barrels. Slender with supple bosom, posterior, ample hips, delightful countenance. Hair of auburn. Flavor notes: molasses; sugarplum; purΓ©e of mango; heavy whipping cream.” U feel me bruv? And Stephanie just gon sit patiently while Unc engages in his scientific field research, replaces his notebook in satchel and his quill pen in his ink well so he can go ham and bananington on the Nani πŸ—. Ladies and Gentlemen I have a patron saint. A spirit animal. Me, in emoji form. A true enjoyer of the female form in all its delightful complexity. Monocle Emoji, in a difficult year of pain and suffering in many pockets of the world, u bring hope and inspiration to the masses 🧐. Unc...U da real MVP πŸ§πŸ§πŸ§πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Af, Blessed, and Emoji: The best surprise passenger you can have
 next to you on a flight
 @DrSmashlove
Now see bruv this used to be my favorite emoji: πŸ€—. He go by many names. Some call him Johnny Jazz Hands. I happen to call him Lil Smashington the IV, Chief Cheek Inspector, Sargeant Spreader the Nani Deader. U feel me? That’s what he doing. Opening them cheeks and delightedly admiring and inhaling the contents πŸ€—. But Lil Smashington has competition, bruv. Major competition. Because his Uncle Jameson Worthington VI of South Cambridgeshire bruv? Or Lil James Worthy aka the Monocle Maestro aka Scotland Yard’s Inspector of the Interior bruv? He ain’t just opening and peeking, bruv. Unc is inspecting every fold 🧐. Every skretch mark 🧐. Every lil cellulite dot 🧐. If he so much as spots an in-grown hair he gon annotate it in his Most Profitable and Efficient Bird Watching Journal; A Chronicle of Uncle Worthy’s Travels and Conquests, in which he records birds he sees in the wild such as cardinals and robin red breasts as well as birds he encounters in the bedroom 🧐. Lil Smashington basic AF bruv he get in the cheeks and he like β€œyum, sweet as sugar cane 😍.” Nah. Hells nah. Unc gon take a single taste and then fetch his notebook and quill pen and record the flavor notes for posterity: β€œSeventh of December, Two Thousand and Seventeen years after the birth of The Blessed Son of Mary. Name: Stephanie Smith. Age: approximately two score and three. Height: roughly one and one half oak barrels. Slender with supple bosom, posterior, ample hips, delightful countenance. Hair of auburn. Flavor notes: molasses; sugarplum; purΓ©e of mango; heavy whipping cream.” U feel me bruv? And Stephanie just gon sit patiently while Unc engages in his scientific field research, replaces his notebook in satchel and his quill pen in his ink well so he can go ham and bananington on the Nani πŸ—. Ladies and Gentlemen I have a patron saint. A spirit animal. Me, in emoji form. A true enjoyer of the female form in all its delightful complexity. Monocle Emoji, in a difficult year of pain and suffering in many pockets of the world, u bring hope and inspiration to the masses 🧐. Unc...U da real MVP πŸ§πŸ§πŸ§πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Now see bruv this used to be my favorite emoji: πŸ€—. He go by many names. Some call him Johnny Jazz Hands. I happen to call him Lil Smashingto...

Amazon, Bad, and Be Like: My first Halloween without a husband, but I still have a good couples' costume. Pic: reddit u/Tela99 @DrSmashlove I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS WOMAN BUT I’VE ALREADY CREATED AN ENTIRE NARRATIVE IN MY HEAD THAT HER NAME IS HOLLY AND SHE LIVES IN SEATTLE AND HER FAVORITE SPOT TO ENJOY A CRAFT BEER IS STOUP BREWING AND SHE’S A CONTRACTOR FOR AMAZON WHO WORKS FROM HOME AND ENJOYS HIKES WITH HER PUP. ALSO I’VE DETERMINED THAT HER EX WHOSE NAME IS DEFINITELY STEVE IS AN UGLY, MEAN PERSON WHO SH!TTED ON HER. SADLY WHEN MY IMAGINATION RUNS WILD LIKE THIS I COULD BE ABSOLUTELY WRONG BUT IT’S REALLY HARD TO DISABUSE ME OF MY IMAGINATIONS LIKE STEVE’S BEST FRIEND RICK COULD DM ME LIKE β€œYeah, ok, first of all, β€˜funnyman’...Her name is Lisa. Second, my best friend’s name is Jim. Third, Jim is a saint - he runs a small soup kitchen for Seattle’s homeless. Fourth, Lisa is the most vapid, miserable human I’ve ever met. We were horrified when Jim married Lisa. Dude...she’s wearing UGGS in the pic. Did that not tip you off(?)” AND I’D BE LIKE β€œTHANK U RICK BUT FIRST OF ALL HE’S STEVE AND SECOND OF ALL YOUR NAME ISN’T RICK IT’S JULIUS AND THIRD OF ALL JULIUS IN MY IMAGINATION YOU’RE A BAD INFLUENCE WHO TOOK STEVE TO BOY’S WEEKENDS IN VEGAS WHERE U AND HIM DID TERRIBLE THINGS WHILE HOLLY WAS AT HOME CRYING INTO HER STOUP BEER PLEASE DON’T CONTACT ME ANY LONGER BLESS UP” WhatsWrongWithMe alot BlessUpHolly LoveYouMama πŸ€—πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Amazon, Bad, and Be Like: My first Halloween without a husband, but I
 still have a good couples' costume.
 Pic: reddit u/Tela99
 @DrSmashlove
I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS WOMAN BUT I’VE ALREADY CREATED AN ENTIRE NARRATIVE IN MY HEAD THAT HER NAME IS HOLLY AND SHE LIVES IN SEATTLE AND HER FAVORITE SPOT TO ENJOY A CRAFT BEER IS STOUP BREWING AND SHE’S A CONTRACTOR FOR AMAZON WHO WORKS FROM HOME AND ENJOYS HIKES WITH HER PUP. ALSO I’VE DETERMINED THAT HER EX WHOSE NAME IS DEFINITELY STEVE IS AN UGLY, MEAN PERSON WHO SH!TTED ON HER. SADLY WHEN MY IMAGINATION RUNS WILD LIKE THIS I COULD BE ABSOLUTELY WRONG BUT IT’S REALLY HARD TO DISABUSE ME OF MY IMAGINATIONS LIKE STEVE’S BEST FRIEND RICK COULD DM ME LIKE β€œYeah, ok, first of all, β€˜funnyman’...Her name is Lisa. Second, my best friend’s name is Jim. Third, Jim is a saint - he runs a small soup kitchen for Seattle’s homeless. Fourth, Lisa is the most vapid, miserable human I’ve ever met. We were horrified when Jim married Lisa. Dude...she’s wearing UGGS in the pic. Did that not tip you off(?)” AND I’D BE LIKE β€œTHANK U RICK BUT FIRST OF ALL HE’S STEVE AND SECOND OF ALL YOUR NAME ISN’T RICK IT’S JULIUS AND THIRD OF ALL JULIUS IN MY IMAGINATION YOU’RE A BAD INFLUENCE WHO TOOK STEVE TO BOY’S WEEKENDS IN VEGAS WHERE U AND HIM DID TERRIBLE THINGS WHILE HOLLY WAS AT HOME CRYING INTO HER STOUP BEER PLEASE DON’T CONTACT ME ANY LONGER BLESS UP” WhatsWrongWithMe alot BlessUpHolly LoveYouMama πŸ€—πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS WOMAN BUT I’VE ALREADY CREATED AN ENTIRE NARRATIVE IN MY HEAD THAT HER NAME IS HOLLY AND SHE LIVES IN SEATT...