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Advice, Come Over, and Family: Mocha For Helen! HELEN Here yoU go, Ma'am Thanks, Karen. When's your shift over? OHHHMYGOD UM Elas- | meah- HELEN!!? AMÍ A while back, you asked me Por advice on balancing hero stufF with your personal life But I can now! I'm sorry l didn't get a chance to answer then. Why don't you tell me a little more about. YOU? CT Oh, well, I just started art school, and between that and my jobs it's hard to manage my time, haha But medication and student loans aren't gonna pay For themselves, you know? Sometimes I get so stressed I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, haha... School, multiple jobs, and moonlighting as a superhero? That's a lot to take on, kiddo! Well Are your parents helping you? Actually... AMi They... kinda cut me off. ...what? I haven't been in touchwith my family For, like about a year. MOM LEUEL: MOM-SENSES TINGLING They don't like my powerg They don't like my art, or my hair.... They don't like that l'm... They s-stl call K-xevin. ...Karen RED ALERT MOM LEDEL: MOMERGENCY !-ENGAGING MOM MODE-! Honey... listen to me. You're so brave, you know that? It's not easy to be true to yourself when the world wants you to be something else I IL Did I Say something wrong? l'm sorry And I hope you never stop, because you're something really special, Karen. You're perfect just the way You are No, no... I just wish.. /...my mom had said something like that... MOMLEUEL MAMA BEAR MODE ACTIUATED ADOPT 10 IMMINE T-1 ...come over For dinner! t's taco O-oh... l love tacos night. ぐ (O Mt yamino: This was originally going to be a lot longer, but I ran out of steam! I have some thoughts to continue it later if I feel up to it!-YaminoP.S. Shoutout to my wife @summerlightning for helping me bounce off ideas and editing the text!
Advice, Come Over, and Family: Mocha For
 Helen!
 HELEN
 Here yoU go,
 Ma'am
 Thanks,
 Karen.
 When's
 your shift
 over?
 OHHHMYGOD
 UM
 Elas-
 | meah-
 HELEN!!?
 AMÍ

 A while back, you
 asked me Por advice
 on balancing hero
 stufF with your
 personal life
 But I
 can now!
 I'm sorry l
 didn't get a
 chance to
 answer then.
 Why don't you
 tell me a little
 more about.
 YOU?
 CT
 Oh, well,
 I just started art
 school, and between that
 and my jobs it's hard to
 manage my time, haha
 But medication and
 student loans
 aren't gonna pay
 For themselves,
 you know?
 Sometimes I get
 so stressed I
 just want to curl
 up in a ball and
 cry, haha...
 School, multiple
 jobs, and
 moonlighting as
 a superhero?
 That's a lot
 to take on,
 kiddo!
 Well
 Are your
 parents
 helping you?
 Actually...
 AMi

 They... kinda
 cut me off.
 ...what?
 I haven't been
 in touchwith
 my family For,
 like about a
 year.
 MOM LEUEL:
 MOM-SENSES
 TINGLING
 They don't
 like my
 powerg
 They don't like
 my art, or my
 hair....
 They don't like
 that l'm...
 They
 s-stl call
 K-xevin.
 ...Karen
 RED
 ALERT
 MOM LEDEL:
 MOMERGENCY
 !-ENGAGING MOM MODE-!

 Honey...
 listen to
 me.
 You're so brave,
 you know that?
 It's not easy
 to be true to
 yourself when
 the world
 wants you to
 be something
 else
 I IL
 Did I Say
 something
 wrong?
 l'm
 sorry
 And I hope
 you never
 stop, because
 you're
 something
 really special,
 Karen.
 You're perfect
 just the way
 You are
 No, no...
 I just
 wish..
 /...my mom
 had said
 something
 like that...
 MOMLEUEL
 MAMA BEAR MODE
 ACTIUATED
 ADOPT 10 IMMINE T-1

 ...come over
 For dinner! t's taco
 O-oh...
 l love
 tacos
 night.
 ぐ
 (O
 Mt
yamino:

This was originally going to be a lot longer, but I ran out of steam! I have some thoughts to continue it later if I feel up to it!-YaminoP.S. Shoutout to my wife @summerlightning for helping me bounce off ideas and editing the text!

yamino: This was originally going to be a lot longer, but I ran out of steam! I have some thoughts to continue it later if I feel up to it!...

Animals, Dude, and God: O11:37 lancerbuck billysquirrel Followw just-shower-thoughts Mammals both produce milk and have hain Ergo, a coconut is a mammal maliwanhellfires I know you're being facetious, but this is an actual issue with morphology-based phylogeny castiel-for-king Deactivated *leans over and whispers to person beside me* what are they talking about sonneillonv leans over and whispers back* Human ability to quantify and categorize natural phenomena is sketchy at best and wildly misleading at worst nonlinear-nonsubjective consider the coconut bemusedlybespectacled this reminds me of that time Plato defined humans as "featherless bipeds" and Diogenes ran in with a plucked chicken screaming "BEHOLD A MAN!" erotic-yoddeling i love how you say "it reminds me of that time" like you were there heartgemsona listen if an immortal feels brave and supported enough to come out we should respect them This post is a journey virtuous-thing 1 Reblog 1 Respect dovewithscales I maintain that humans started attempting classify animals, and some god or another made the platypus, and is still laughing messy-scandinoodle Zeus: *hits joint* okay so like. It's gonna have a duck bill right. But an otter body okay? And then a beaver tail. It's a mammal. But. It lays eggs! Hades: wait wait dude. Give it. Give it poison Make it poisonous dovewithscales Athena: You mean venomous, and make sure the eggs have both reptile and bird traits Hermes: *takes the joint* Give it extra senses Poseidon: It should be aquatic. hyratel I MEAN where's the lie dovewithscales Demeter:... And where exactly do you expect me to put this? Everyone: Australia pepoluan This thread goes every which way and is a glorious thing begat by Tumblr 337,354 notes But where did you get the coconuts?
Animals, Dude, and God: O11:37
 lancerbuck
 billysquirrel Followw
 just-shower-thoughts
 Mammals both produce milk and have hain
 Ergo, a coconut is a mammal
 maliwanhellfires
 I know you're being facetious, but this is an
 actual issue with morphology-based phylogeny
 castiel-for-king Deactivated
 *leans over and whispers to person beside me*
 what are they talking about
 sonneillonv
 leans over and whispers back* Human ability
 to quantify and categorize natural phenomena
 is sketchy at best and wildly misleading at
 worst
 nonlinear-nonsubjective
 consider the coconut
 bemusedlybespectacled
 this reminds me of that time Plato defined
 humans as "featherless bipeds" and Diogenes
 ran in with a plucked chicken
 screaming "BEHOLD A MAN!"
 erotic-yoddeling
 i love how you say "it reminds me of that time"
 like you were there
 heartgemsona
 listen if an immortal feels brave and supported
 enough to come out we should respect them
 This post is a journey
 virtuous-thing
 1 Reblog 1 Respect
 dovewithscales
 I maintain that humans started attempting
 classify animals, and some god or another
 made the platypus, and is still laughing
 messy-scandinoodle
 Zeus: *hits joint* okay so like. It's gonna have a
 duck bill right. But an otter body okay? And then
 a beaver tail. It's a mammal. But. It lays eggs!
 Hades: wait wait dude. Give it. Give it poison
 Make it poisonous
 dovewithscales
 Athena: You mean venomous, and make sure
 the eggs have both reptile and bird traits
 Hermes: *takes the joint* Give it extra senses
 Poseidon: It should be aquatic.
 hyratel
 I MEAN where's the lie
 dovewithscales
 Demeter:... And where exactly do you expect
 me to put this?
 Everyone: Australia
 pepoluan
 This thread goes every which way and is a
 glorious thing begat by Tumblr
 337,354 notes
But where did you get the coconuts?

But where did you get the coconuts?

Bad, Doctor, and Gif: Blood comes out of your vagina for anywhere from 3- 7 days That blood you lose can be around 4 tablespoons to a cup a cup of blood, vaginal mucus, and endometrial tissue You get cramps that will make you cry. You can vomit and/or pass out from them You will get horrible mood swings You get headaches Backaches e e e e e Your breasts hurt so bad sometimes you can't even touch them You get acne everywhere Your actual vagina could be sore Your feel constantly tired You have a constant fear of soaking through your pad/tampon e e e You can't lay a certain way in bed e e e You take pill after pill and it still doesn't help You bloat and gain weight You might have anemia (iron deficiency) which can not clot your blood causing so much blood loss it'lIl be deadly e You never feel ful e Everything irritates you e You will cry a lot Once you get up in the morning, your center of gravity has shifted and all the blood settling in you during the night will now rush out of you causing you to clench your legs tightly to avoid leaking You get made fun of for having a period /1//?/?/ You're forced to go to school/work You get told that you're overreacting e but ya know, fixing your dick discreetly in public is bad too cas-kingdom: fluidityandgiggles: kittyinhighheels: homolesbians: shingeki-no-nononono: thatgirlmustbeawesome: What’s so bad about periods At first I was like “no don’t reblog it’ll weird people out” then I was like “oh right that’s the point” STOP INCLUDING CRAMPS THAT MAKE YOU PASS OUT IN THESE LISTS AS IF THEY WERE NORMAL THEY ARE NOT IF YOUR CRAMPS ARE THIS BAD AND YOU’RE NOT A TEENAGER, SEE A DOCTOR I REPEAT: THEY ARE NOT NORMAL. YOU COULD ACTUALLY BE ILL YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO PASS OUT FROM YOUR PERIOD CRAMPS I actually passed out at the start of my period a couple of times and three years ago I found out I have polycystic ovaries, but yknow. What’s so bad about periods. i get really sick every time…… not fun Dont forget shivers while also being boiling, clutching a hot waterbottle to try and soothe the pain even though you feel incredibly overheated.And, idk if this happens for people without sensory disorders, or even all people with sensory disorders, but my senses can go absolutely haywire sometimes.Oh and we have to pay a shitload of money so we dont bleed on everything everwhere we go :\\
Bad, Doctor, and Gif: Blood comes out of your vagina for anywhere from 3-
 7 days
 That blood you lose can be around 4 tablespoons to a
 cup
 a cup of blood, vaginal mucus, and endometrial
 tissue
 You get cramps that will make you cry. You can vomit
 and/or pass out from them
 You will get horrible mood swings
 You get headaches
 Backaches
 e
 e
 e
 e
 e Your breasts hurt so bad sometimes you can't even
 touch them
 You get acne everywhere
 Your actual vagina could be sore
 Your feel constantly tired
 You have a constant fear of soaking through your
 pad/tampon
 e
 e
 e
 You can't lay a certain way in bed
 e
 e
 e
 You take pill after pill and it still doesn't help
 You bloat and gain weight
 You might have anemia (iron deficiency) which can
 not clot your blood causing so much blood loss it'lIl
 be deadly
 e You never feel ful
 e Everything irritates you
 e You will cry a lot
 Once you get up in the morning, your center of gravity
 has shifted and all the blood settling in you during the
 night will now rush out of you causing you to clench
 your legs tightly to avoid leaking
 You get made fun of for having a period /1//?/?/
 You're forced to go to school/work
 You get told that you're overreacting
 e
 but ya know, fixing your dick discreetly in public is bad too
cas-kingdom:

fluidityandgiggles:

kittyinhighheels:

homolesbians:

shingeki-no-nononono:

thatgirlmustbeawesome:

What’s so bad about periods

At first I was like “no don’t reblog it’ll weird people out” then I was like “oh right that’s the point”




STOP INCLUDING CRAMPS THAT MAKE YOU PASS OUT IN THESE LISTS AS IF THEY WERE NORMAL
THEY ARE NOT
IF YOUR CRAMPS ARE THIS BAD AND YOU’RE NOT A TEENAGER, SEE A DOCTOR
I REPEAT: THEY ARE NOT NORMAL. YOU COULD ACTUALLY BE ILL
YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO PASS OUT FROM YOUR PERIOD CRAMPS 


I actually passed out at the start of my period a couple of times and three years ago I found out I have polycystic ovaries, but yknow. What’s so bad about periods.

i get really sick every time…… not fun


Dont forget shivers while also being boiling, clutching a hot waterbottle to try and soothe the pain even though you feel incredibly overheated.And, idk if this happens for people without sensory disorders, or even all people with sensory disorders, but my senses can go absolutely haywire sometimes.Oh and we have to pay a shitload of money so we dont bleed on everything everwhere we go :\\

cas-kingdom: fluidityandgiggles: kittyinhighheels: homolesbians: shingeki-no-nononono: thatgirlmustbeawesome: What’s so bad about peri...

Animals, Dude, and God: 0 B/s 12:06 am @ 22% D bixgirl1 just-shower-thoughts Mammals both produce milk and have hair Ergo, a coconut is a mammal maliwanhellfires I know you're being facetious, but this is an actual issue with morphology-based phylogeny castiel-for-king leans over and whispers to person beside me* what are they talking about sonneillonv leans over and whispers back* Human ability to quantify and categorize natural phenomena is sketchy at best and wildly misleading at worst nonlinear-nonsubjective consider the coconut bemusedlybespectacled this reminds me of that time Plato defined humans as "featherless bipeds" and Diogenes ran in with a plucked chicken screaming "BEHOLD A MAN! erotic-yoddeling i love how you say "it reminds me of that time" like you were there heartgemsona listen if an immortal feels brave and supported enough to come out we should respect them This post is a journey virtuous-thing 1 Reblog 1 Respect dovewithscales I maintain that humans started attempting classify animals, and some god or another made the platypus, and is still laughing. messy-scandinoodle Zeus: *hits joint* okay so like. It's gonna have a duck bill right. But an otter body okay? And then a beaver tail. It's a mammal. But. It lays eggs! Hades: wait wait dude. Give it. Give it poison Make it poisonous dovewithscales Athena: You mean venomous, and make sure the eggs have both reptile and bird traits Hermes: *takes the joint* Give it extra senses Poseidon: It should be aquatic. hyratel I MEAN where's the lie dovewithscales Demeter: And where exactly do you expect me to put this? Everyone: Australia. giada-luna Reblogging for that last exchange brainwad Dionysus slips in at the last minute and makes it sweat milk Source: just-shower-thoughts Coconut, a mammal.
Animals, Dude, and God: 0 B/s
 12:06 am
 @
 22% D
 bixgirl1
 just-shower-thoughts
 Mammals both produce milk and have hair
 Ergo, a coconut is a mammal
 maliwanhellfires
 I know you're being facetious, but this is
 an actual issue with morphology-based
 phylogeny
 castiel-for-king
 leans over and whispers to person beside
 me* what are they talking about
 sonneillonv
 leans over and whispers back* Human
 ability to quantify and categorize natural
 phenomena is sketchy at best and wildly
 misleading at worst
 nonlinear-nonsubjective
 consider the coconut
 bemusedlybespectacled
 this reminds me of that time Plato defined
 humans as "featherless bipeds" and
 Diogenes ran in with a plucked chicken
 screaming "BEHOLD A MAN!
 erotic-yoddeling
 i love how you say "it reminds me of that time"
 like you were there
 heartgemsona
 listen if an immortal feels brave and
 supported enough to come out we should
 respect them
 This post is a journey
 virtuous-thing
 1 Reblog 1 Respect
 dovewithscales
 I maintain that humans started attempting
 classify animals, and some god or another
 made the platypus, and is still laughing.
 messy-scandinoodle
 Zeus: *hits joint* okay so like. It's gonna have
 a duck bill right. But an otter body okay? And
 then a beaver tail. It's a mammal. But. It lays
 eggs!
 Hades: wait wait dude. Give it. Give it poison
 Make it poisonous
 dovewithscales
 Athena: You mean venomous, and make sure
 the eggs have both reptile and bird traits
 Hermes: *takes the joint* Give it extra senses
 Poseidon: It should be aquatic.
 hyratel
 I MEAN where's the lie
 dovewithscales
 Demeter: And where exactly do you expect
 me to put this?
 Everyone: Australia.
 giada-luna
 Reblogging for that last exchange
 brainwad
 Dionysus slips in at the last minute and
 makes it sweat milk
 Source: just-shower-thoughts
Coconut, a mammal.

Coconut, a mammal.

Animals, Dude, and God: just-shower-thoughts Mammals both produce milk and have hair. Ergo, a coconut is a mammal. maliwanhellfires I know you're being facetious, but this is an actual issue with morphology-based phylogeny. castiel-for-king leans over and whispers to person beside me* what are they talking about sonneillonv leans over and whispers back* Human ability to quantify and categorize natural phenomena is sketchy at best and wildly misleading at worst nonlinear-nonsubjective consider the coconut bemusedlybespectacled this reminds me of that time Plato defined humans as "featherless bipeds" and Diogenes ran in with a plucked chicken screaming "BEHOLD A MAN!" erotic-yoddeling i love how you say "it reminds me of that time" like you were there heartgemsona listen if an immortal feels brave and supported enough to come out we should respect them This post is a journey virtuous-thing 1 Reblog 1 Respect dovewithscales I maintain that humans started attempting classify animals, and some god or another made the platypus, and is still laughing messy-scandinoodle Zeus: *hits joint* okay so like. It's gonna have a duck bill right. But an otter body okay? And then a beaver tail. It's a mammal. But. It lays eggs! Hades: wait wait dude. Give it. Give it poison. Make it poisonous dovewithscales Athena: You mean venomous, and make sure the eggs have both reptile and bird traits Hermes: *takes the joint* Give it extra senses Poseidon: It should be aquatic hyratel I MEAN where's the lie dovewithscales Demeter: .. And where exactly do you expect me to put this? Evervone: Australia giada-luna Reblogging for that last exchange brainwad Dionysus slips in at the last minute and makes it sweat milk. Source: just-shower-thoughts The old ones are f-ing with us when they made platypuses.
Animals, Dude, and God: just-shower-thoughts
 Mammals both produce milk and have hair. Ergo, a
 coconut is a mammal.
 maliwanhellfires
 I know you're being facetious, but this is an actual
 issue with morphology-based phylogeny.
 castiel-for-king
 leans over and whispers to person beside me* what
 are they talking about
 sonneillonv
 leans over and whispers back* Human ability
 to quantify and categorize natural phenomena is
 sketchy at best and wildly misleading at worst
 nonlinear-nonsubjective
 consider the coconut
 bemusedlybespectacled
 this reminds me of that time Plato defined humans
 as "featherless bipeds" and Diogenes ran in with a
 plucked chicken screaming "BEHOLD A MAN!"
 erotic-yoddeling
 i love how you say "it reminds me of that time"
 like you were there
 heartgemsona
 listen if an immortal feels brave and supported
 enough to come out we should respect them
 This post is a journey
 virtuous-thing
 1 Reblog 1 Respect
 dovewithscales
 I maintain that humans started attempting classify
 animals, and some god or another made the
 platypus, and is still laughing
 messy-scandinoodle
 Zeus: *hits joint* okay so like. It's gonna have a duck
 bill right. But an otter body okay? And then a beaver
 tail. It's a mammal. But. It lays eggs!
 Hades: wait wait dude. Give it. Give it poison.
 Make it poisonous
 dovewithscales
 Athena: You mean venomous, and make sure the
 eggs have both reptile and bird traits
 Hermes: *takes the joint* Give it extra senses
 Poseidon: It should be aquatic
 hyratel
 I MEAN where's the lie
 dovewithscales
 Demeter: .. And where exactly do you expect
 me to put this?
 Evervone: Australia
 giada-luna
 Reblogging for that last exchange
 brainwad
 Dionysus slips in at the last minute and makes
 it sweat milk.
 Source: just-shower-thoughts
The old ones are f-ing with us when they made platypuses.

The old ones are f-ing with us when they made platypuses.

Tumblr, Blog, and Http: awesomesthesia: My Spidey Senses Are Tingling
Tumblr, Blog, and Http: awesomesthesia:

My Spidey Senses Are Tingling

awesomesthesia: My Spidey Senses Are Tingling

Advice, Come Over, and Family: Mocha For Helen! HELEN Here yoU go, Ma'am Thanks, Karen. When's your shift over? OHHHMYGOD UM Elas- | meah- HELEN!!? AMÍ A while back, you asked me Por advice on balancing hero stufF with your personal life But I can now! I'm sorry l didn't get a chance to answer then. Why don't you tell me a little more about. YOU? CT Oh, well, I just started art school, and between that and my jobs it's hard to manage my time, haha But medication and student loans aren't gonna pay For themselves, you know? Sometimes I get so stressed I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, haha... School, multiple jobs, and moonlighting as a superhero? That's a lot to take on, kiddo! Well Are your parents helping you? Actually... AMi They... kinda cut me off. ...what? I haven't been in touchwith my family For, like about a year. MOM LEUEL: MOM-SENSES TINGLING They don't like my powerg They don't like my art, or my hair.... They don't like that l'm... They s-stl call K-xevin. ...Karen RED ALERT MOM LEDEL: MOMERGENCY !-ENGAGING MOM MODE-! Honey... listen to me. You're so brave, you know that? It's not easy to be true to yourself when the world wants you to be something else I IL Did I Say something wrong? l'm sorry And I hope you never stop, because you're something really special, Karen. You're perfect just the way You are No, no... I just wish.. /...my mom had said something like that... MOMLEUEL MAMA BEAR MODE ACTIUATED ADOPT 10 IMMINE T-1 ...come over For dinner! t's taco O-oh... l love tacos night. ぐ (O Mt yamino: This was originally going to be a lot longer, but I ran out of steam! I have some thoughts to continue it later if I feel up to it!-YaminoP.S. Shoutout to my wife @summerlightning for helping me bounce off ideas and editing the text!Edit: This comic has sequels!(Part 2)(Part 3)
Advice, Come Over, and Family: Mocha For
 Helen!
 HELEN
 Here yoU go,
 Ma'am
 Thanks,
 Karen.
 When's
 your shift
 over?
 OHHHMYGOD
 UM
 Elas-
 | meah-
 HELEN!!?
 AMÍ

 A while back, you
 asked me Por advice
 on balancing hero
 stufF with your
 personal life
 But I
 can now!
 I'm sorry l
 didn't get a
 chance to
 answer then.
 Why don't you
 tell me a little
 more about.
 YOU?
 CT
 Oh, well,
 I just started art
 school, and between that
 and my jobs it's hard to
 manage my time, haha
 But medication and
 student loans
 aren't gonna pay
 For themselves,
 you know?
 Sometimes I get
 so stressed I
 just want to curl
 up in a ball and
 cry, haha...
 School, multiple
 jobs, and
 moonlighting as
 a superhero?
 That's a lot
 to take on,
 kiddo!
 Well
 Are your
 parents
 helping you?
 Actually...
 AMi

 They... kinda
 cut me off.
 ...what?
 I haven't been
 in touchwith
 my family For,
 like about a
 year.
 MOM LEUEL:
 MOM-SENSES
 TINGLING
 They don't
 like my
 powerg
 They don't like
 my art, or my
 hair....
 They don't like
 that l'm...
 They
 s-stl call
 K-xevin.
 ...Karen
 RED
 ALERT
 MOM LEDEL:
 MOMERGENCY
 !-ENGAGING MOM MODE-!

 Honey...
 listen to
 me.
 You're so brave,
 you know that?
 It's not easy
 to be true to
 yourself when
 the world
 wants you to
 be something
 else
 I IL
 Did I Say
 something
 wrong?
 l'm
 sorry
 And I hope
 you never
 stop, because
 you're
 something
 really special,
 Karen.
 You're perfect
 just the way
 You are
 No, no...
 I just
 wish..
 /...my mom
 had said
 something
 like that...
 MOMLEUEL
 MAMA BEAR MODE
 ACTIUATED
 ADOPT 10 IMMINE T-1

 ...come over
 For dinner! t's taco
 O-oh...
 l love
 tacos
 night.
 ぐ
 (O
 Mt
yamino:

This was originally going to be a lot longer, but I ran out of steam! I have some thoughts to continue it later if I feel up to it!-YaminoP.S. Shoutout to my wife @summerlightning for helping me bounce off ideas and editing the text!Edit: This comic has sequels!(Part 2)(Part 3)

yamino: This was originally going to be a lot longer, but I ran out of steam! I have some thoughts to continue it later if I feel up to it!...

Apple, Beard, and Beautiful: 62,681 do all Americans have pet eagles? Yes I remember my first eagle ceremony when I turned nine. The first eagle you get is always declawed, which I always thought was pretty inhumane, but it was a good way to ease into caring for the birds. My eagle (named Baldy, because I wasnt a terribly clever child) was already quite old when I received him (he was a rescue eagle, luckily) but I did have him until I was 16. I don't know if I was more excited about getting my drivers license that year or my new eagle! You should have seen the party we had when I got him, too! Grilled hot dogs and fire works and lemonade... obviously I named my beautiful new eagle Freedom. He's too big to keep inside anymore, unfortunatey but we've got a pretty comfortable roost for him on our apartment's balcony Ah, yes, the eagle ceremony! My Justice and I remember his quite well. (They had just come out with telepathic link transplants when I got him, which is how I know he remembers it.) Our celebration was quite modest, compared to Freedom's-apple pie under a cloudless summer sky as we signed our Declaration of Interdependence. I still have the inked and talon-plerced document hanging on my wall. what is this Get out Canada I was so scared during my pet eagle ceremony I almost threw up. But Stonewall Jackson and I have been best friends ever since. My dad and grandfather built a really massive roost behind the house for my eagle and my sisters' eagles. Stonewall always waits for me when I get home from class since schools are getting so over protective and strict these days and won't allow eagles indoors. Which just goes to show how much we're bubble wrapping kids today. Back in the day, if you couldn't handle a few stitches because you pissed off the wrong kid's eagle you had to just man up and learn your lesson! Ooo, I never miss a chance to tell this story! I had a rather unusual first eagle ceremony. The traditional giant American flag that you wave around to summon your eagle had been severely damaged the week prior (a ceremony that had not gone according to plan, but the child only suffered minor talon wounds. The flag took the brunt of the attack). Anyway, I couldn't use the normal flag so we had to search ALL OVER for one suitable for eagle summoning. Unfortunately the stripes weren't the correct shade of patriotic red so everyone was worried an eagle wouldn't show up at all. I had to stand in the middle of that wheat field, the wind creating amber waves out of it, shaking that flag in the air for over three hours. Everyone was just about to give up when suddenly Patriot appeared out of nowhere! He came to me so quickly it was like he was apologizing for being late. And we've been together ever since. Some people think it's excessive to have two eagles. But what can I say, I'm a two eagles kind of guy. Well, I can say, "You must be a terrorist to call me out over my excesses," but I digress. We don't have many open fields around here, so I got Liberty by waving my flag atop a decommissioned WWll aircraft carrier. I was kicking a couple of boxes of tea into the harbor for good measure, and there she was. I loved her so much I repeated the process a year later and got young Colbert here. It's hard work, raising two eagles, but I have two shoulders, after all. Besides, I know that the secret to happy and healthy eagles is plenty of Bud Light. Oh man, the eagle ceremony. I was a weird fucking kid, okay, so l was totally sure that the eagle ceremony wasn't just going to net me my eagle and deepen the mystical bond between a citizen and their country, I thought I was going to get to turn into an eagle too. So me and my mom and my dad and my little brother are all standing in the old civil war battleground, surrounded by the ghosts of our fallen soldiers, and all and the problem here- it's not usually a problem because I make sure to shave my beard off twice a day, three times on sundays- was that I am, actually, born on the fourth of July. So it wasn't just one eagle that showed up, it was pretty much every big old patriotic warbird in Missouri, all flapping around confused and pissed off, their innate senses of direction completely fucked up by the way firecracker babies warp America's natural system of ley lines. And I was six, so grabbed the flag and ran with it over my shoulders, rippling in the wind, thinking it was going to turn into wings for me and I would go be an eagle with all the other eagles. Instead I just got mobbed by a freaked-out mess of nationalistic avians who all weighed more than I did. I lost half my nose and my whole left arm and spent most of fourth grade in reconstructive surgery getting machine guns welded on to the shattered remains of my ulna. Completely missed my little brother's eagle ceremony, which I wil always regret, but it was all worth it to have met Columbia. I never did turn into an eagle on the outside, but I like to think those long hours in the hospital, feeding her rubbing alcohol and my own blood, have made me an eagle in my heart. you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com srsfunny: Do All Americans Really Have Pet Eagles?
Apple, Beard, and Beautiful: 62,681
 do all Americans have pet eagles?
 Yes
 I remember my first eagle ceremony
 when I turned nine. The first eagle you get
 is always declawed, which I always
 thought was pretty inhumane, but it was a
 good way to ease into caring for the birds.
 My eagle (named Baldy, because I wasnt
 a terribly clever child) was already quite
 old when I received him (he was a rescue
 eagle, luckily) but I did have him until I
 was 16. I don't know if I was more excited
 about getting my drivers license that year
 or my new eagle! You should have seen
 the party we had when I got him, too!
 Grilled hot dogs and fire works and
 lemonade... obviously I named my
 beautiful new eagle Freedom. He's too
 big to keep inside anymore, unfortunatey
 but we've got a pretty comfortable roost
 for him on our apartment's balcony
 Ah, yes, the eagle ceremony! My Justice and I
 remember his quite well. (They had just come
 out with telepathic link transplants when I got
 him, which is how I know he remembers it.)
 Our celebration was quite modest, compared
 to Freedom's-apple pie under a cloudless
 summer sky as we signed our Declaration of
 Interdependence. I still have the inked and
 talon-plerced document hanging on my wall.
 what is this
 Get out Canada
 I was so scared during my pet eagle ceremony I almost
 threw up. But Stonewall Jackson and I have been best
 friends ever since. My dad and grandfather built a really
 massive roost behind the house for my eagle and my
 sisters' eagles. Stonewall always waits for me when I get
 home from class since schools are getting so over
 protective and strict these days and won't allow eagles
 indoors. Which just goes to show how much we're bubble
 wrapping kids today. Back in the day, if you couldn't handle
 a few stitches because you pissed off the wrong kid's eagle
 you had to just man up and learn your lesson!
 Ooo, I never miss a chance to tell this story! I had a rather
 unusual first eagle ceremony. The traditional giant American flag
 that you wave around to summon your eagle had been severely
 damaged the week prior (a ceremony that had not gone
 according to plan, but the child only suffered minor talon
 wounds. The flag took the brunt of the attack). Anyway, I
 couldn't use the normal flag so we had to search ALL OVER for
 one suitable for eagle summoning. Unfortunately the stripes
 weren't the correct shade of patriotic red so everyone was
 worried an eagle wouldn't show up at all. I had to stand in the
 middle of that wheat field, the wind creating amber waves out of
 it, shaking that flag in the air for over three hours. Everyone was
 just about to give up when suddenly Patriot appeared out of
 nowhere! He came to me so quickly it was like he was
 apologizing for being late. And we've been together ever since.
 Some people think it's excessive to have two eagles. But what can I
 say, I'm a two eagles kind of guy. Well, I can say, "You must be a
 terrorist to call me out over my excesses," but I digress. We don't
 have many open fields around here, so I got Liberty by waving my
 flag atop a decommissioned WWll aircraft carrier. I was kicking a
 couple of boxes of tea into the harbor for good measure, and there
 she was. I loved her so much I repeated the process a year later
 and got young Colbert here. It's hard work, raising two eagles, but I
 have two shoulders, after all. Besides, I know that the secret to
 happy and healthy eagles is plenty of Bud Light.
 Oh man, the eagle ceremony. I was a weird fucking kid, okay, so l was
 totally sure that the eagle ceremony wasn't just going to net me my eagle
 and deepen the mystical bond between a citizen and their country, I
 thought I was going to get to turn into an eagle too. So me and my mom
 and my dad and my little brother are all standing in the old civil war
 battleground, surrounded by the ghosts of our fallen soldiers, and all and
 the problem here- it's not usually a problem because I make sure to
 shave my beard off twice a day, three times on sundays- was that I am,
 actually, born on the fourth of July. So it wasn't just one eagle that
 showed up, it was pretty much every big old patriotic warbird in Missouri,
 all flapping around confused and pissed off, their innate senses of
 direction completely fucked up by the way firecracker babies warp
 America's natural system of ley lines. And I was six, so grabbed the flag
 and ran with it over my shoulders, rippling in the wind, thinking it was
 going to turn into wings for me and I would go be an eagle with all the
 other eagles. Instead I just got mobbed by a freaked-out mess of
 nationalistic avians who all weighed more than I did. I lost half my nose
 and my whole left arm and spent most of fourth grade in reconstructive
 surgery getting machine guns welded on to the shattered remains of my
 ulna. Completely missed my little brother's eagle ceremony, which I wil
 always regret, but it was all worth it to have met Columbia. I never did turn
 into an eagle on the outside, but I like to think those long hours in the
 hospital, feeding her rubbing alcohol and my own blood, have made me
 an eagle in my heart.
 you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com
srsfunny:

Do All Americans Really Have Pet Eagles?

srsfunny: Do All Americans Really Have Pet Eagles?